Why Happy Wife, Happy Life is Holding Your Business Back

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that phrase. And especially by, you know, men who have been married or in relationships for quite some time, you know, kind of the, the OGs were like, yeah, man, just keep her happy and your life would be set. And it's always sat with me a little bit off and primarily because I really hadn't been able to make a, a woman truly happy. You know, I, I previously was married.

Heard that phrase, and it's almost like we, we joked about it, like, yeah, well, you know, you need to step up as a man and, and make, make your wife happy and then your life will be happier. And it just was always, something always didn't seem quite right for me in that. And so, but it was kinda like a joking thing, like, eh, okay, we'll make your wife happy. And then, then I had, I got divorced, I had another relationship, kind of the same thing.

Joking around with the happy wife, happy life, and it was just kind of this amongst friends and people like, eh, that's the way you gotta do it as a man. And I'm thinking it's just something just seemed off. It just didn't align with me. What I know now is, boy did I lose myself in, in that way of thinking, and it's not like it, by all means. It dominated my life, but I just still today, I hear it on a pretty frequent basis. Happy wife, happy life.

Now, here's what I know to be true, not only for myself, but what I see in other men is that. This mindset carries beyond the household, beyond the relationship and begins to impact in other areas of life. 'cause you cannot be this gung-ho entrepreneur, building a business, managing employees obtaining new customers scaling improving your, your profits. And then be happy wife, happy life guy who at home it, it doesn't work that way. You don't live in silos.

And so men are losing themselves in this process, this process of trying to keep others happy, whether it's the woman you're in a relationship with, whether it's your employees, whether it's your customers, whether it's, whether it's your kids. You're not here to be a good boy and do what, do what you're told. And giving your balls away, like that's not what you're here to do. And so many men are confused 'cause they're like, well, that's what I've thought I should do.

If I keep my wife happy, then you know my life will be happy. And yet I'm not happy. I'm not fulfilled. In fact, I'm overwhelmed, I'm frustrated, I'm lost. I'm now divorced and I'm struggling looking for a new relationship. Or I got a new relationship and it's the same old thing, just a different name, and maybe some slight different physical changes, but it's the same relationship. And so when we do this, we give up our power.

You are here to lead with truth, with power, with your presence and and intention. And it starts by killing off this lie, this myth that someone else's happiness is your responsibility. And if you give them that happiness, well then that'll make your life happy. It doesn't work that way. So, as I mentioned, you know, men are, men are losing themselves in this effort to, to keep others happy, especially women. And it's not working.

It's this domestication that you've been, you've been domesticated, my man, and this further domestication. And it doesn't feel right. It doesn't sit right, it's not working in your relationship. Or it is because you're avoidant of the real issues of the challenges. 'cause you don't wanna speak up. And it's best if you just kind of be quiet and just keep her happy. It doesn't serve you and it doesn't serve her. This is not about her.

Like if you're in a relationship now or if you are in a previous relationship, maybe now you're divorce and you're thinking about finding a new relationship and you're going into it with this mindset, stop either. Whatever scenario you're in, it's time to stop. And shift. Shift your mindset, whether you want to be in that relationship or you're looking for a new one, and get out of this, domesticating yourself as a good boy, being the nice guy, and, and making her happy.

And what I'm gonna talk through in just a minute here is there's some myths behind this that you may not be aware of. So when we put our. Partner's emotions, her happiness before our own needs when we put our, our kids' happiness and, and needs in front of, in front of our, our own way of, of being our own leadership. Well, it may work in the short term. You may have a good little experience, but in the long run, dude, it's killing you. It's breaking you down.

And this goes to the same in business. I mean, at some point you're gonna be so exhausted of your employees are paid, but you are not, your customers are satisfied, but you are not, that's not why you got into business. You, you got into business to, for the freedom, for the flexibility, for the, for the, the profits that you can bring home. The ability to have that autonomy. That's why you got into business and that's why you got into a relationship.

To be able to, to come to a place to meet someone halfway and grow together. You're not here to play someone else's game, to live someone else's dream or to play small, my man, you're here to lead. And that starts by waking up from this myth. Now, this whole process begins with a mindset shift. Whether you learn this from watching your father, whether you have absorbed this through Hollywood through commercials.

Music pop. You know, pop culture kind of shares this whole like, joking mentality of like, you know, happy wife, happy life. You're not responsible for your partner's happiness. That's her job. You're not responsible for your employee's happiness. That's their job. Your customers, that's their job, not yours. And by doing that, by trying to make them happy, who's who? You not focusing on. Yourself.

So you have to keep in mind that you, you can't do that, that that's not your job, nor can you do that and see you've been conditioned to believe that if she's happy that everything is cool. Well, it's just that it, the, in the short term, she has either been satiated with connection or, or love or intimacy. And or you did your chores, your, your your, your, your weakened chore list, whatever it may be.

But the truth is if you're not aligned, then, then ultimately everything is going to, to fall apart. And when I be, my aligned is aligned with you and yourself. And so the second step to this is. Reframing to reclaim your power, and it begins my friend with truth. So stop pretending like everything's cool. Stop pretending like you are okay with. Forgetting about your own happiness and wellbeing to give to hers, thinking that if she has happiness, then, then you're gonna be happy.

If you're out of alignment, step into that and own it. That is step number two is to own it. So start with the truth. What is the truth? What are you feeling in this? And own that truth regardless of what she has to say. This is on you. This is your responsibility for your own happiness, not hers and vice versa. And then lastly, be, be you. So in re reframing this, we're gonna start with truth. We're gonna own that truth, and then we're gonna step into your true, authentic self.

This is mastery, the process of of. Being your authentic self is not an easy one, especially because we have not learned that way. You need to understand that there are many different mistakes and myths around this that that have perpetuated for, for years, years and years, decades, centuries. If she's happy, then I'll be happy is a myth that is false. Only you can make you happy. You're in charge of your happiness. She's in charge of her happiness, period. End of story.

So stop trying to give all of yourself to get her happy. So then she'll give you some sex or she'll be nice to you and then she'll be smiling around the house, like that's on her. The second myth is that if you give her love, you love on her well, and you, you express and, and show her all her love, that she's gonna give it back to you. Well, number one, that's loving with expectation, which is doomed to fail. And number two, she's responsible for loving herself.

You are responsible for loving yourself. Man, this is the key. This is the key that I missed for over a decade and a half of being in relationships. One of 'em for some of that time being married. I didn't get this. See if you need love, if you need happiness. You're looking outside for it, you are going to be incredibly disappointed because there's something incredibly powerful about coming from a place of doing something for the sake of being of service because you don't need it.

Yes. When you love yourself, when you are making, are able to give yourself happiness, you don't need it from anyone else. And thus, it doesn't create this pressure and this stress to make someone happy so they'll be happy, give you happiness back. Just this dynamic of being separate and saying, I'm in charge of me. She's in charge of her. And when you can love yourself and when you can make yourself happy, you're in charge of that. You take that ownership off of her and vice versa.

I. It allows each one of you individually to grow and then you all can grow together to experience a level of service that you've never experienced before in relationship. So your job is to love yourself and then be of service as a lover, as a partner in intimacy, in sex to the woman that you're with, without expectation, 'cause you don't need it. Sure you were you. It would be nice to be in a partnership with someone who's in service back to you, because if she can love herself, only then can.

Then she truly love you. So if you're telling me that, Hey, I wanna find a woman now, Cletus, I've been divorced, went through this whole thing, and I wanna find someone that that truly loves me for me and all this awesome, beautiful, it starts with you. You gotta love you for you before she can. I want to find someone who makes me happy. You are going to be looking for a hell of a long time. Nobody's gonna make you happy. That's on you.

So if you're in that position, when you're out preparing to look or interested single, whatever it's time for you to go all in on you so that you can elevate your frequency of love and happiness and joy and fulfillment. And then you're gonna attract someone who has that same level, that same energy, that same frequency. Your vibrations, energetic vibrations will, will connect with one another. And all of a sudden you're like, wow, where did you come from? You're a unicorn. You're a soulmate.

Like whatever the heck label you wanna put on it. But bottom line is you took care of you and you're able to attract someone who took care of themselves, healed man, healed woman, then you all can develop and, and heal together and grow in service to one another. as I mentioned, it definitely starts with truth. It then goes to owning that truth and being your true, authentic self. So you cannot make someone else happy. You can make yourself happy. Yeah, you can love you.

So that if you're telling me, Hey, Cletus, you know, I wanna find someone that I can love. I wanna find, you know, I want to, I love my kids I love my girlfriend, or I love my wife, or whatever. Yeah. And I want you to be able to love yourself first, because you can't love them truly, fully, authentically until you love yourself first. The challenge has most been give up on that. Because they're afraid to face the truth and what they're gonna find.

'cause it may be that you come to truth about who you are, you own it, and you realize that you love you. You are authentically being you, and the person that you're with is unaccepting of you. And that might be hard to hear because you've been with this person for a long time. You, you, you love this person. And when you show up as you, they're not cool with it. Like, I want the old you. I don't want the real you. And there you have misalignment.

Well, that, you know, that's a challenge where you, by not being your true, authentic self from the very beginning, have now put yourself in interesting predicament. And not being yourself is not an option. So it's, it's being you and loving you. And finding happiness within yourself and then working on being of service to your partner. And without expectation, she may not accept it. She may not like it.

You're out there dating women and you're showing up as you and showing up in service, and they may not be accepting of that. Okay, oh, well move on. That's not your job. That's their job to take care of them. So there's. Obviously various ways in which we can do this. All of the work that we do for men in the Be the Torch programs really is emphasizing becoming this man capable first of, of leading himself first, so that he can then lead others. And especially as it relates to business.

As I mentioned in the very beginning, we do not live in silos. So guys, you know, this is your. Wake up call because if you are acting and behaving this way at home, you're most likely acting and behaving this way at the office. And, you know, happy employee, happy functioning business. I get my tasks done because they're happy. It's not the way, but you're suffering. It, it, it doesn't work that way. It shouldn't work that way. And at some point it's going to crash and burn.

There's gonna be a collapse. So you need to reclaim you. Start by telling the truth. Start by f focusing in on you. I do have a, a, a free resource to help you do that. And, and that is my master your morning cheat sheet. If you go to cletus coffee.com/morning, you can get access to the cheat sheet. Go ahead and download that.

There's a series of videos that helps walk you through how to use it, but it's a great way for you to create a discipline in the morning to focus in on you and just getting it. It's just a small piece of your day. To get in the habit of mastering this part of, of going all in on you. And once you create a habit out of that dude, lights out transformational. I don't say that lightly. Very, very transformational. That's cletus coffee.com/morning to access your master your morning cheat sheet.

The other thing is staying in tune with our, our channels here. So you know, if this is something that that is powerful for you. You can keep accessing this content. Just please subscribe to the channel here, and then that way when I hit the the launch of a new episode, it comes immediately to you. And then when you're in the car or at a, at a place where you can kick back and, and engage with this, you can continue to learn and grow.

So a lot of free, free resources through my channel here as well. If you've been living the happy life, excuse me, happy wife, happy life, lie. And you're ready to, to step out of that and actually lead for your benefit. And if you're still in relationship for her benefit, you see, she doesn't benefit from being the, the task master to being the controller, to being locked in her masculine, telling you what to do. 'cause she's got your balls in her hand. That doesn't benefit her.

She needs to be able to step back into her feminine. So that she can show up as the divine beauty that she is and not relying on you to make her happy. She's gotta be able to make herself happy. Give her that opportunity to do that. And that's gonna require setting some boundaries that's gonna require, you know, being truthful and owning your happiness.

Even if the time she's not happy, well, she's gonna have to be able to work through that just as you are gonna have to be, work through your happiness. So that you can come to a place where together you all can continue to grow and be of service, of love and connection, happiness to to one another. At the end of the day, you don't need to keep her happy. You need to be aligned. You need to be grounded. You need to be connected to your true, authentic self from an inside out. That's power.

That's where you create a powerful relationship, a powerful business, a, a powerful connection with your children. And that my friend, is what builds a powerful legacy. Be the torch, my friends. Catch you on the next one.