Most entrepreneurs think leadership is about making decisions, driving results, all about the X's and O's. But what if I told you that the reason why your business feels stuck or you feel stuck in your business, maybe you feel like you've hit a ceiling, a plateau, is because you. The business owner, you're leaking power and you don't even know it. Hey, what's up fellas? It's Kalida Coffee, founder of Be The Torch. And I tell you this is a hard truth when it comes to leading your business.
It, it starts from you and thus be the torch. Like you have to be the one to lead from a place of power, not from force. Because most men, like yourself, business owners, are leading from a place of of pressure, fear, threat, distraction, high expectations, and it's bleeding you and your business dry. Most importantly, it's bleeding your potential potential for you to grow as a man for the potential for your business to grow and evolve.
So, you know, to set the stage, like this is the, the idea that you may be putting in the work and you're, you're. You're working your butt off and you're hustling, you're grinding, but just not getting the results that you want, just not getting the returns or the profits or the freedom and the flexibility that you truly desire in your business. If that's you, this episode is for you. Now, why do we do this? Why, why are we focusing on the leaking of power?
And, and of course, you probably know my body of work. I, I believe that self-mastery, self-mastery is the key. For men like you single fathers, to become the, the individuals capable of having the freedom, the fulfillment, the flexibility, the fun that you truly want in your business and in your life. When you don't master yourself, you are unconsciously draining others around you. You're not showing up as the real, true, authentic you, and that's draining to other people.
They're not getting the best of you. They're not getting your best energy, your best results, your best thinking, your best innovation, and so it's impacting them. So it's very easy for us to, as business owners, look outside of ourselves and say, well, it's because of them. It's my employee's fault, it's my customer's fault. When in fact, it all circles back to you. And that's the hard truth. And it's the, it's the work that most men never even think of doing. They never get to that point.
But if you're here, you're not trying to be the average dude. You're trying to be the, the, the truest, most authentic version of yourself. And thus. Being able to have success in all areas of life. So, you know, for me, there's been times where I just feel, look, and I, and I'll say, you know, I come from the athletic space. So as a former athlete, I it most of sports and the, and the leadership and the coaching I got was all about the X's and O's.
But here's the thing about sports, especially in this day and age and business. I mean, they're, they run in parallel is. We have the, the idea of bigger, faster, stronger. We have just, we have tapped into that and we know so much about how to make athletes bigger, faster, stronger, the X's and O's of the game. All you gotta do is just do a quick Google search or shoot.
Just use Chad GPT now and help me design my offensive scheme or my defensive scheme or drills, and it's all public information. People may think like, oh, I got the secret sauce on how to make people faster, or how to run a better offense. And defense like the minute you put it out there, man, everyone jumps on it and copycats it and all that. So it's not like investing more in the X's and O's is truly gonna move the needle in sports or in business.
Thinking about it from a sales perspective, I mean, how many times have you done sales training? Either you've done it or you've brought in someone else to do it and. It's all about the X's and Os. Alright? How to build rapport, how to position the benefits versus the, the functions of the product. And then how to handle objections and how to reframe it and how to close it. And, you know, all like that's the Xs and Os. Like we got that.
Where the, and ultimately in optimal performance, high performance, that's the tip of the iceberg, the Xs and Os. What lies below the surface is the untapped abyss. And that includes you, you are untapped. And so that's the self-mastery that we, we, I know I preach endlessly in all areas of life, especially here in business. So, you know, here's the thing. Most men will lead from their past. They're, they're leading from old patterns.
Old behaviors, old, old ways of doing things, and most of that is wounded. Most of their leadership that men are exhibiting are from their wounds, from their traumas, not from their wisdom. Why? Because they have not tapped into that wisdom. What if I told you that this next 12 months in your business. If you stop leading from wounds and leading from wisdom and tapping into that wisdom it, it's going to shift the trajectory. It's gonna transform your business and ultimately transform your life.
So when we lead from those wounds, that's where the leaks. Start happening. There's holes in your bucket and you're working harder and you're grinding and you're paying more money for marketing and you're paying more money to hire a, a, a better employee thinking that if I just put it in, you know, in the bucket, that, you know, that's gonna fill up and get us where we want to be. But there's holes in it and it starts with you. So, lemme break this down.
When it comes to these holes and leading from a place of, of force rather than power, there's a couple core elements to this. Number one. And that is we are really good at leading from pressure versus presence. Dude, if, if you can take anything away from this, from this episode here is leading from a place of presence. See, when you're leading from your wounds, that's your past. And when you're leading from the expectations, that's the future. Being present and leading from a place of presence.
The truth about what is real now and not the past, which is just stories and not the, the, the future and those expectations, which is, you know, your hopes and dreams, but presence about where you're at right now. What that does is it allows you to be intentional. Intentional with your language, with your words, intentional, with your actions your, your thoughts, your beliefs, your intentional versus having to be reactive.
Because what happens is, is when you, you lay that path of force and pressure upon people they feel it and they start behaving and acting in ways that aren't in alignment with your team's goals or where you want to be and what you want to experience for yourself. And now you have to, you're, you're in reaction mode. You're having to clean up the messes, clean up the disconnection, clean up the toxicity. Because you're leading from that forceful place.
We have to have hit our numbers and you have to get your work done. You gotta do these things instead of coming from a place of, of presence. And when you do, man, it's not like you have to say anything. You just are it. You are presence, you are present. And the energy that you give off, the frequency that you vibrate from, they feel that. And you begin. So one of two things will happen.
One's gonna trigger them and you're gonna get a clear sense of who that person is or, and where they need help or support, or if they're actually in alignment with your company anymore, or they're gonna accept the invitation and they're gonna rise up and meet you from their own truth, from their level, A higher frequency. But it starts with you. You can't go around and expect them to do it first. If you are not it, you gotta be the presence. Okay? So how you can do that? How do I, I clear this.
Great. How do I become more presence? Well, first and foremost, it starts with, with your mourning. And if you haven't tapped in, and I'm, I'm gonna grab my sheet here. If you haven't tapped into our Master Your Morning program, I highly recommend you do that. If you go to cletus coffee.com/morning, you get access to the cheat sheet here.
That's gonna take you through a, a pretty intentional, focused, disciplined routine to ground yourself in the morning so that you show up in a place of presence. You've, you've, you've locked in on yourself, you've taken care of you, you've done you've gotten still, whether it be in meditation or otherwise. You are walking into that office or showing up on Zoom with wherever you're at and with your customers and with your people, and they feel it, you are giving it off.
Imagine being that dude versus the guy that's going up going, oh my gosh, we, we are, we're behind. I gotta meet payroll. I'm, I'm, I'm overworked. I'm, I'm struggling, and. Maybe you're in a relationship and that that's on the rocks. And so that energy you're bringing into your calls. Oh, yes, yes. What goes on at home, you give off, you know that, that frequency at the office. So grounding yourself in the morning. Shifting from reactionary.
'cause reactionary is, I get up in the morning, I check my emails, I check my text messages. I'm looking up on our, our numbers. Maybe I jump into our marketing team. I'm looking at our social media and, and it's like you're just reacting to where everyone else is at. Be intentional with your mornings. That's a great way to ground yourself and become presence. Okay? Number two, you are most likely sacrificing the truth for tactics. So most often we are coming from a place of inauthenticity.
We want to be the guy that we. That our, our customers think we should be, or being the leader that we think our, our employees think we should be. And that is like, maybe it's tough or maybe it's, you know pressured or you know, something that is misaligned with who you really are, man, because you haven't figured it out and you're leading from those wounds. So you, you're, you're sacrificing what the truth is really is now.
When you, and basically you're not showing up as the, the true you, the authentic you. 'cause you haven't done that work. It's time to do that work. Because here's what happens when you don't show up in authenticity, in truth, then other people are gonna reflect that back to you. They're gonna show up in authentic. They're gonna tell you what you want to hear. They're not gonna give you your authentic thoughts. And, and you know, they may do it at a high, at a very.
Superfluous level, but at the deep down, they're, they're afraid of how you're gonna respond, react, because they got stuff on the line. I got kids, I gotta hire a mortgage and I don't wanna lose my job, or I don't wanna be demoted, or, you know, they're worried about those things. And if you're not aware of those worries and those fears, there's a disconnect there.
So if you aren't, if you are worried about those things, if you're fearing money, if you're fearing what's going on at home, the disconnection are, you get, you're on the rocks. For your, you know, divorce number two or, you know, the things are going on in your life and if you haven't gotten to the truth of those about who you really are, then you're gonna show up and get into tactics. Well, it's, it's gotta be the tactics, the X's and o's they're gonna take you so far.
But if you're ready to go to that next level, or to have a business that is built on a foundation of your lifestyle, yes, everything that we do at be the torch is build the life first and then add the business in on top of it. So. For you. It's, it's if, if it's misaligned, if it's all about the business and you're just sprinkling your life into it, well, there's, you're gonna be resentful. You're not going to feel free. Chain your business, you're tussling.
That's, that, that's all that matters in your life. And it, other things around you are going to start to, to fall off because you're not feeding those things. Your relationships, your connection with your kids, your health, all that's going to wilt away.
So. We want you to get clear on who you really are and then build your systems and your frameworks from that place, not from the, the pressured high expectation the, the threatening type of leader who's, who's leading from, from wounds and from fear. So when you do tap into you.
The thing about that is not only are you a better leader, you're a better marketer, you're a be better sales professional, whether you're selling people to come work for you or you're actually in front of customers, doing the sales yourself, your brand changes. You can speak, your brand speaks a a different language, oftentimes a language that is just in the tonality of your voice. Or how you you know, physically show up and just the energy that you give off, they can feel that.
So when you're afraid to speak your truth, you're showing up inauthentically. They're gonna feel that your brand's gonna feel that your customers are going to feel that. So it, it's important that you. And if you're already in business, of course, and most of you are already in business, it, it's okay to make a pivot, to make a transformation. And I'm not saying like completely pivot your business, but I'm talking about you.
You, it's okay to now show up to, to do the work on you and show up differently because the people in your company, your customers, your marketing is going to experience that difference. Thus, you're gonna be able to align yourself with the right people and the right opportunities. They're, they're gonna start coming your way because you are leading it.
You are the torch, you are lighting the way, and when you light the way out of the darkness or out of the pain, they are going, they being, your people are going to follow like moth to a flame. So build your. Business, build your brand, build your teams from, and your systems from that place of your authenticity and with lifestyle focused first. Okay? Number three. Most guys are going at it alone.
They're thinking that I can do this on my own, and because I want to be rags to riches, man, there is no such thing, no such thing. Any guy who started with nothing and made something had help along the way, so let's get rid of this whole rags to riches or self-made man bs. It's just not real. So let that go and start asking for help. And you, you can obviously within your, your teams a leader, you can give them voice and choice. Ask them, Hey, I'm not the only voice in this.
We all got skin in this game. So what do you think we should do in this scenario? How do you think our marketing should go out? How do you think we should best connect with our customers? What kind of training do you think we should give them? Voice and choice. It's powerful and it's gonna transform that, the connection, the relationship you have with them, because that's what matters. The performance of your team really relies on your connection with them.
And if you're coming from a place of force, you're not gonna have a whole lot of connection. And actually you may have connection, but it's probably gonna be distrust, disconnection, toxicity. So we want to you know, ensure that, you know, you are asking for help from the team, but also from mentors, from colleagues, from peers. The, the whole lone wolf idea. It just doesn't work, man. You need a, you need a team around you. You need a brotherhood around you. You need men.
That's a good, a good group to have around you. And boy do we have that to help support you. If you're unfamiliar to be. The Torch Academy is our, our, our core offering, our core program for single fathers entrepreneurs, people like you who are wanting to grow and scale your business that wanting to. You know, be a present and available father that want to take that wasn't take care of your body and your health.
It wants to, if you haven't already found your soulmate in life, to have the love and the intimacy and the sex that you've always wanted. That's what the academy is all about. Self-mastery, baby. We lock in on you so you can become the man capable of having all those things. And guess what? You do it with other men and that may get you shifting in your seat, but I'm telling you, especially if you've been an athlete.
We work well on teams and having a brother that has your back like-minded, like, think, like, like thinking individual, it, it, it's, the power is there once you're willing to step in and be open and vulnerable and letting go. So that's the Beta Torch Academy. By all means join the wait list. If you go to be the torch.com/academy waitlist, I'll go ahead and put that in the show notes as well. Jump on, wait on our wait list so you can.
Be the first on the priority list to know when we launch our next program. So we do them quarterly, so just keep an eye for that. But the whole lone wolf is it doesn't work. It doesn't work. And what it does is puts a lot of pressure on you. Then you show up with pressure to your team and then now what you're leading from a place of, of force. So you will evolve to the level of. Challenge that you have for yourself. So I challenge you to find a challenge for yourself.
It could be your master your morning. You could download this and challenge yourself to really be intentional in the morning for your for yourself. And guess what? You're gonna rise to that challenge. You're gonna get something good out of that by being intentional in mastering your mourning. Obviously that's just one sliver of who you are, but it's a pretty powerful one where men get tripped up in all this.
Is number one, especially as a business owner, you're working from an employee mindset, and I get it. You've been taught that from very early on. Maybe your parents were employees, you saw them, you learned it in school, maybe you went to secondary school, you went on to to to college, and. You heard it there.
Go get your internship, go get a job, get your resume ready, find a, a, something that you can get a major in that you, that makes you good money and you know, maybe your family or a cultural pushed you in a certain direction. So I get it. You have an employee mindset, yet you're trying to be a, a business owner. So the whole, I gotta hustle and grind and work harder. That's a false belief. Yeah, that's holding you back, that's leaking your power.
If you're thinking from that mentality, if you are thinking from a siloed mentality, this is another big mistake that men make. They think that my business is different than my life. They think that my health is different than my business. My relationship is different than my, my health, like my man. It's all runs together. Self-mastery. I. Applies to business mastery. Your personal life and your business life are not separate.
Because if you're the guy who maybe at work you are, lemme take a step back. Maybe at home, you're the super loving dad. You love to play, you're engaging, you're, you're sweet talking with your kids and you're super you're supportive and you listen and then you go to the office and you're the tyrant. There's a disconnect there.
There's a misconception, an old pattern of things that you, you can show up as this loving dad here, but then you gotta show up at this Tyra in order to get what you want. It doesn't work that way. You, you, you are being inauthentic because we don't live in silos. We're not separate. It's all one. So you're not showing up as a real you in one of those areas.
That might be hard to hear because you think that you gotta show up as that tyrant leader, or you think you gotta show up as a super soft dad and, and loving, and maybe you're unclear as to who you really are. So it's time to find that out. So those are really, oh, and then as a leader, another big myth or mistake is, is leaders think that they need to have all the answers. That can be farther from the truth.
Find that mentor, find that individual or that group that can help support you in challenging you to become the, the truest, authentic self master of your, of your personal and your business life. Okay, so a couple takeaways here from this episode. Number one, we're trying to plug those leaks, your stuff in, stuff in the top of the bucket. Working hard, grinding right employees, more marketing dollars. But you've got holes because you are leaking power and thus your business is leaking.
So a couple takeaways from one, start your day with intention. It could be some level of, of stillness, exercise, whatever. As I mentioned the master your morning cheat sheet. You've got a cletus coffee.com/morning. Just take some time. I, I, you know, look, I, I have a whole process and framework on how to help you do that. But if you can just take 10 minutes for you to ground yourself before you step into the the fray, man, all the better.
I highly recommend writing down the truth about where you're at right now. And this is when, when negative thoughts come up. 'cause like, it doesn't matter what your customers say, it doesn't matter what your employees say about you, none of them. Are gonna say anything worse than you are already saying to yourself, you are your biggest critic. You are your biggest negative abusive individual is you to yourself.
So when you have those negative thoughts come up, just a real quick treatment to that is getting to the truth. What are, what are the, what are the facts about that situation, about what you're saying about yourself? Because if you're coming into the office or into your work environment with those negative thoughts, your energy's off, man. So we have to provide a treatment, get to the facts about, and write them down. Don't just keep it in your head. Just quickly grab it.
You know, I've got my, my journals with me. Always quickly, boom, write it down. What's that thought that came up and what are the facts behind it? And what are the feelings I have around this and what's the truth? What is the truth? So those are a couple things that you can apply right away. The other, the third thing I'll throw in there is man call somebody, call the brother. And if you don't have a brotherhood, now's the time to join one. If you're looking one for one.
Obviously the Be, the Torch Academy is a great brotherhood and we've got various different programs to help support single father entrepreneurs just like you. So if you're tired of, of. Being a slave to your business. If you're tired of the exhaustion, if you're tired of the lack of freedom, then guys, you need to know that it is time for you to plug the holes in the bucket of your business and in your life and start coming from a place of power. And that's truth. That's where power comes from.
It comes from truth. Get to the truth about who you really are, and that clarity is going to help you tremendously. Power isn't about. Doing more. It's not about pressure. It's about being the leader who's anchored, who's grounded, who's aligned with his true, authentic self. And when doing so, you become unstoppable. And so the leaks then get to be plugged. So, alright, my man lead from a place of power. Be the torch.
Join us in, in, in the work that we're doing 'cause we'd love to be able to support you as a man, as a father. As a business owner. Alright, catch on the next one.