How to Master Communication for Entrepreneurs, Fathers, and Leaders

You've got to communicate. And whether you are still in the trenches hustling and doing the sales, if that's the case. We do need to get you out of that. But that's for a later date. Or you have employees who are out there and doing that, and you are. Managing them and in building and shaping the team culture. Then you need to communicate. If you are a father, you gotta be able to communicate. If you are in a romantic relationship, you gotta be able to communicate.

And, and men, you know, we invest thousands of dollars into our marketing, into operations, into sales. To growing our business. And yet very few men have invested any money, like zero nada. And very little time into learning how to communicate. And yet it is such. A vital, a must have skill. For you too. Nelly learn, but for you to continue to get better all the time.

Because look, I, as a former athlete as a, as a coach, as a, as a leader, as a father, as a partner, like I. And I've been through all different levels and I'm sure you have as well as far as growth in communicating

because there's times where I didn't know how to communicate. But look, I've been in a position now where I've been able to. Work with Fords, fortune 500 companies athletics sports teams, collegiate sports teams. You name it from. Corporations to sports. You know, high, high, driven high. Performing. Individuals leaders, executives. I've been able to be in those rooms and be able to, to share with him. A lot of what I'm going to share with you right now.

And what my promise to you today within this podcast. Is that. You're going to walk away with three core steps, three core elements. That if you were to apply them today. I'm telling you it is going to shift the energy. It's going to shift the environment. It's going to shift the culture. Of your office of your relationships with your customers. It's going to definitely shape your parenting, your relationship with the kids.

And then if you are in an intimate relationship or you have a romantic partner, it's going to, it's going to absolutely. Change the dynamic of that relationship in such a cool and positive way. If you're not that's okay. You can practice these skills as a single father. For quite some time, I was focusing on me. And not focusing on. Looking for a partner and building that type of relationship. And yet I still had to sharpen my skills. So that's my promise to you.

We're going to do it in three key steps. The first one is learning how to communicate from an authentic and vulnerable place. Ooh. Something us fellows. Really I've never been. Taught how to do. It's never been modeled for us. And we do it very poorly. Because ego plays a big play as part of that. The next thing is Tata communicate and provide correction in a very specific manner. And then lastly, What's called the five to one ratio. Of being able to communicate.

In a way to improve behavior and improve performance. That's ultimately what this comes down to is like, well, no one wants to be in a toxic relationship or a toxic. Work environment. No nobody does. And I, I truly do not believe that there are in there all, a lot of bad leaders, a lot of bad communicators have bad. Individuals who are in relationships that just don't, I don't. Feel, let me spit this out here. I just

don't feel that anyone goes into a relationship and says I'm going to be a poor communicator or starts a business and says I'm going to be a toxic. A leader. Or, and having children. So I'm going to be that really just horrible mean negative. Toxic father figure. I just don't think they, anyone goes into it with that mindset yet. What they're armed with is ignorance and ignorance. I mean, ignore Ince, ignoring of the truth.

And with a lack of skills and a, a lack of a role model of how, how to do this. Cause I tell you from the sports. Realm. It's very easy to look back at our coaches and how they treated us. I see it so often. That owners of companies or even coaches of teams, they coached the way that their coach coach them. And thinking that that's just the way it goes. Like they survived. There, they made it to some sort of level of performance. I thought that's the way to do it. Well, We know more now.

About human performance. We know our Mo more about mindset. So. We have to shift in evolve fellows. So number one. Being you've gotta be real. It's gotta be authentic. And I struggled with this for the longest time. Because ego and it just man. I wasn't even aware. And it was, I was driven by ego unwilling to be authentic because I had to step into a, just in a conversation. With someone and I had to be perfect. I had look like I hadn't, like, I knew what I was doing.

That I was put together that I was already had the sales that I needed and the relationship that I needed. And I was just, you know, Showing up to, to, to get my accolades. And I tell you, I probably learned that from sport. Because in sport, I got to show up and do my thing and people applauded for me. I got instant feedback. And. Yeah. Going into life that doesn't work that way. People aren't just constantly patting you on the back and cheering you. Wherever you go.

So. It that was a tough break for me. Yep. It showed up in my business. It showed up in my relationships. It, it showed up everywhere that I went, because I just was afraid to be myself. And the reason was because I just didn't know. So in order for you to communicate clearly and authentically, you got to get a sense of who you are. And get to the truth and, and. And be real with yourself. Again, something that so many men struggle with. And. It's it's imperative.

That we learn how to do that first for a couple of reasons. Number one, we want to be authentic. So if I'm, if I'm clear on who I am, And I can, I can be real with you and I can share with you. What's real for me. What's my pain was my struggles with my challenges. It, it opens up the door. Number one, it invites them who you're speaking with. It could be an intimate partner. It could be an employee. It could be a customer.

It could be your kids and invite them to open up and be real and vulnerable with you. And if you, if you can't get to that place, you have two individuals. That are just dancing around each other. Being fake.

And not being real, not being authentic. And yet we call ourselves friends or romantic partners. Or client. You know, vendor relationship. We, we, we, it manager and employee, we call we, we set up these dynamics, these relationships, and yet. We're just dancing around one another. We're not actually coming together, whether it's coming together under praise and excitement or coming together in some sort of conflict. There's not wrong conflict. Let's just come together. Let's be real.

Let's be authentic. We can't get to that. Because so many people are afraid to do it. So we can't control others. Fellows, we can only control ourselves. So if we are willing to be open. And, and authentic and vulnerable. And the invitation is put out there for the other person to be, to do the same. And if they're unwilling to take that invitation, then that's nothing you can do about it. You you, it's not worth getting all frustrated with get upset, change your mood, change your.

Ruin your day. You can't control that. And so that's where you have to make a decision on what to do with that relationship or that dynamic that you're in. So that's that's the first element is we, it allows us to come to a place where we can, we can. Come together. And in that. That coming together, we can. Flush out what's going on, whether it's good, bad, ugly. At least we can come together and flush that out. Without it. A couple of things will happen. Well, the second part of that is.

If we're not showing up or showing up as someone, we want the other person. As I'm sorry, let me say that again. We're showing up as someone, we want the, that the other person's wants us to be. Let me spit it out. So I see this a lot of times in relationships. Will you show up as the man, the husband, the partner, the boyfriend. In a way that our partner wants us to be. So. Now we're not ourselves where the person that. That we think our partner wants us to be. And. We're slowly dying inside.

Because we're not truly ourselves. And so are you show up in this dynamic, in this relationship? And you're not really yourself. So it may. It may be okay. It may not be Rocky. It may not be. Truly exciting. It may just be existing. But you're dying inside, man. If you can't show up as you, and if you have to pretend to be someone you're not just to keep the waters chill or to land the sale. Man. That's the worst part. Because that customer is not going to stay with you in the longterm.

If you show up as someone as you're not. And. You you, you're not going to don't expect that that customer is gonna stay with you for the longterm. At some point, they're going to feel the real you, the energy, the fake you. I should say. And they're going to see it. They're gonna smell it. They're going to, they're going to experience it that. Who, who you are is not really you. It's this fake version of you and they may not come out and go, Hey, you're not truly authentic.

They're just, something's going to feel off. And they're just sticking to cut the contract, or they're not gonna renew. Or they're asked for their money back. Whatever, maybe. It's also imperative. That you show up authentic is you. And the reason why most men do not is because you're afraid. You're afraid to show up as you AE because you really haven't connected with the real you the truth behind it. And you're afraid of what people are going to say about you. You're afraid to be judged.

You're afraid that if you're in a relationship. And. You've just kind of been playing the sex game with your partner. For years and years. And finally you're at the point where like, man, I have fantasies, I have desires. I want I've needs sexually. And I'm afraid to share with my partner for fear of what she's going to say, or she's going to judge me, or she's not going to want to do that. And maybe she'll leave me or. Or whatever. So. That's real.

And it's better to know now than spending these T this time in these years. Under a false identity Pratt to come out later. It's important for you to show up authentically as you in your communication. So that is number one. Number two. We want to be specific in our communication. Especially in our correction. So

our job as a parent, our job as a employer. Even our job as a. As a vendor when we have customers and we're, we're in the position of creating a sale, we want to be very specific in our communication. We don't want to leave anyone to try to guess what we're feeling what's going on for us. We want to be really clear. In in specific, in our communication, especially in our correction. Because I'm telling you that as a leader, You're leaking energy. And giving away your power.

When you do things like a show up authentically, number one. So you may think you are a leader, you may think you're powerful. You may think you're great in sales, you may think you've got a great team. If you're not showing up authentically as you. That, that party's coming to an end. At some point, I call it the grand snap back. It's going to snap back and there's going to be some paint. And you start losing people. You're gonna start you know, revenues that are going down, whatever.

Maybe it's going to happen, not if, but when. Unless you can show up authentic. As yourself. The, and, and being specific. In your correction. Is important because we get addicted. Two. Two words. It's addiction. I even. You know, I teach this stuff, I train this dog. I coach this stuff every day and I stopped to be. Intentionally aware. Of not using these two addictive words. Good job. Or maybe great job. Something like that. And the reason why.

That's that's important to get away from that language. Is because it gives no information. So if I'm leading a team, Or I'm parenting. More I'm going to partnership. And. Someone on my team does something really well. And I say, Hey, good job. It gives new information. What was it about that body of work? What was it about the action that they took? That was good. Same thing with your kids. If you're, if they do something, they play well in a ball game or they had a great.

Test that they're very proud of excited and they come home and you go, good job. It gives no information. So we want to be specific

with our feedback, especially with, with correction. So that we get more of it. So, this is how we shift behavior. We want to get more of the things that we like. And so if we just give a good job, it doesn't give any information. If we are clear with our. Feedback clear with our correction. We're going to get more of that, which we like. So for example, If one of your employees has You know, has a call. Lands up a new deal. Awesome. Fantastic. We're super pumped.

What was it about the work that they did to land that sale that you liked, that you thought? What really well, what was the effort like in, in the process? It could be the multiple, you know, how, how persistent they were, the multiple calls that they made to, to actually get that first call. But it was how they build rapport. Maybe they handle objections in a really cool way. Whatever, maybe, maybe they service the client above and beyond what anyone else would have. You have to recognize that.

Be very specific. Hey. The reason why you landed that sale. Was because you were really persistent on the phone. You made multiple calls to get that initial conversation. You build great rapport on, on the call and throughout the process of developing a relationship really loved how you handled the objections. And you, and just, just, it was really fantastic. How you, how you asked for the sale.

See. When you identify and you say the things that you've liked, well, they're listening and they hear you say that and they go, oh wow. My manager have recognized my persistence. That's amazing. I'm going to. Th maybe constantly thinking of it. I'm constantly gonna be, I'm going to be more persistent. Or you recognize how they handle the. The. Objections. They're going to make sure that they're. Handle those objections very similar or with the same type of.

Have a strategy as they did when you recognize them. So it's. When you give. A specific. Feedback and in times and correction. It's invaluable because there you're going to get more of that type of work. Okay. So this is how we're shifting behavior. And then ultimately it's going to change in results. Same thing can go in. A relationship, same thing in parenting. Your child comes home, super excited of how they did on a test. Oh, good job. I'm so proud of you. Ah, man, boy that's even.

That's some next level stuff right there, because when you say good job again, it doesn't give me information. You want them to whatever they did, maybe they did extra credit. I mean, they did studying, they were doing extra reading. They really honed in on, on their homework. Maybe they went in early. If they're like high school student, they, they were working with their teacher on it. And you want to recognize those things because they're going to do more of it. Okay. I did slip in.

The I'm so proud of you. I do caution. You may have seen some of my posts in the past, but I seriously, I do caution. Saying I'm proud of you. Because here's the problem with this. And once you hear this, you're not going to be able to unhear it because you're going to hear it from others and it's gonna grab your attention. So just prepare on you. I'm

about to ruin it. I'm proud of you. I get it. I get it. I get what people say that. And the challenges is most people only say I'm proud of you. When, when, when an outcome or a result happens in their favor. They won the game. I'm so proud of you that a grade on the test, I'm proud of you. They landed the big sale. I'm so proud of you. Or, you know, they were really active in, in making phone calls. Maybe they didn't land to say I'm so proud of how you work that phone.

It was it's all outcome based. We can't control outcomes. And so we're constantly recognizing people. And saying how proud we are based on their outcomes. Well, at some point they're not going to get the outcome. And then you're not going to say I'm proud of you. And then it becomes conditional. You with me on this. Your love. Your attention becomes conditional. I'm proud of you only when you get an outcome that, you know, I liked. Or that you liked. And, and are both.

So. That the challenge I have with that is because we only give it when there's a positive or successful outcome on the scoreboard of life. And that does not work. That becomes conditional. Now where it's, I guess, acceptable, if you will, where it would be positive is if you were telling someone, Hey, I'm proud of you just for being you. Not because of an outcome, not because of performance. I'm just proud of who you are as a human being.

Now, if you're doing that, That there's, there's a difference there. Yeah, or they failed, it was an unsuccessful effort. And you express that. You know, your, your, your recognition of the work that they put into that. So just being mindful that when you're saying you're proud, it's usually becomes conditional. My love, my tension is conditional because I only say I'm proud when you do something well. And, you know, there's a whole lot more into pride and when people.

You know, have pride in things. Oftentimes it's excluding others or other things. So,

you know, there's another element to that, but that's most importantly, at least for the, this context and what you're talking about. All right. The third and final one. Is. As actually a study I'm up here in Seattle. So the God-man Institute, Dr. John Gottman, if you're familiar with their work with relationships. And what they did was a study on. The relationships have been making. You know, those, like those relationships, that weather, the storm and our thriving entrants, not just weather.

I mean, they are thriving. And what they found is in that relationship, the partners. Say something positive to one another, which improve their emotional state. To the tune of five times for every one, correction. So. Think of it like this, if you've ever been in a relationship. And romance and relationship. And let's say you're at home and your partner comes home from the office. And she walks in the door and she goes, oh my gosh.

The dog hasn't been fed, the kids haven't started their homework. The dishes are still in the, in the sink. Dinner's not started and oh, nice to see you, sweetheart. How was your day? Correction, correction, correction, correction, and then one little positive yet. It's kind of. It's just, there's not a lot of meaning to it. Like, oh goodness. He is wearing. How was your day? So that's what we are commonly. Exposed to here in this society. And then you see it at work.

It's you didn't you know, you didn't show up on time. You didn't turn your, you didn't turn your reports accurately. You weren't, you didn't make enough dials today. You're not closing properly. Hey, good, good effort today. Good job. And then we give them the good job. Not cool. So we are so accustomed to saying what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong. What's wrong. And then given one positive that is really has no. No merit behind it. No real meat behind it.

No specific, authentic diversity behind it. So all this is, although the five to one ratio is a, is a. Relations like a romantic relationship study, man, it applies to all areas of life, your parenting, the office. With customers. And of course in a, in a real like romantic relationships, we want to be saying something positive.

To tune a five times for every one, correction. Here's the other thing. The reason why we do that. Because the corrections weigh more than the positives. Think about it. When someone says something negative to you. You remember that heck of a lot longer than the accolades, the good jobs, you know, That the positive things that they say. So that one. Correction that one negative thing, or maybe criticism that you put on someone, which I hope you don't.

Putting criticism, guts, attacking someone's character. We want to talk about corrections. So if you're, if you're working with an employee and you point out something that they didn't do well, or you want corrected, that's going to weigh with him. But if you couple it. With several recognitions positives. Along with it. Well then now you have someone where there isn't a heaviness with the correction that the received. There's some positives to go along with it.

So, you know, for example, let's say you you're managing a sales team and someone had a bad call. Like they just blew it. They fumbled over it. Did not handle the. The, the building, the rapport maybe they didn't, maybe they were talking to features. Versus benefits, whatever, maybe. And. You come up to and say, Hey, you know what, man? First of all, I just, I love how you took the opportunity to jump on that call and connect with that client. I liked how you set it up.

And you're a poor was really good. However you got immediately right into selling the features. What we like to have, and the way we do things here is we focus on the benefits. For, you know, first for over the features, we want to sell the transformation. We want to sell the outcome. Versus the, the. The features of our product. However, despite the fact that that, that sale didn't go your way. Man. I really appreciate how you got a positive attitude to you.

And I can just feel your energy about wanting to get back on to the next call. This is, you know, something like that. This is kind of loosely fitting, but you kind of get my point. We want to add some positives in there, in there as we're providing their correction. To the tune of five to one. So quick recap in your communication. And let me say before I go to the recap, let me address the relationship situation scenario with five to one. That's going to change your environment.

That's like your environment. You're home. Your your ecosystem. And of course the, the, the energy between you and your romantic partner. Because when you start recognizing them and feeling they're there. There their emotion, like you just you're helping them. And, and just kind of raising their frequency. As you're raising your frequency by providing these, these positives. You're making deposits. It's what you're doing. Think about it in a checking account. A bank account.

You're making deposits, you're making deposits. And so when you make a withdrawal, when you provide a correction, Hey sweetheart. I really don't like when you leave the shower curtain open, when you got a shower, I, I just, for some reason, I've got to. The thing about making sure that's close next time. Can you make sure you close that when you provide some correction, you have enough deposits in there that oh man. Hey, I got your back. No problem. I'll close that next time. So.

You're making deposits. You're making deposits. You know, Hey, I just, and even in you provide the correction, you can slide those positives in, you know, Hey, I love how you give me a chance to jump in the shower. Second, so I can kind of have my, have my morning. I really appreciate that. However, in the future, I would love it. If you close the curtain that way I can show up and it's not cold inside the shower, the curtain has been closed.

You know, you you're, you're feeling, you know, you're, you're giving them the positives. So that when you provide a correction, you have enough deposits where it just, it's not heavy. You with me on that. So, Relationships that lasts only lasts, but thrive. Are those that are feeling. Each other with positives, the five to one ratio. They do it authentically as themselves. I don't want to communicate with you as if some I'm somebody else that you want me to be, I'm going to be me.

And if you don't like me, all right. It doesn't work. And it goes with, for those of you that are in business, where you have a personal brand and you're putting yourself out there. Be willing to say things that you believe in that's authentically with you without any concern about what else, what anyone else is going to say about you? Who cares? You're showing up as you, and if they don't, they don't lie with it. They don't lie with it. All good.

And it doesn't bother you because you're clear on who you are. Being real, being authentic. Being specific in your correction, we won't get past the good job we really want to lock in on. Being specific with our, our praise and even with our correction. And then lastly is that that study done by the Gottman Institute. Five to one ratio of providing. Positives too. The corrections that we give. So there you have it being a better communicator at the office at home, in a relationship.

And it's going to shift the dynamics. It's going to shift the energy it's in shift, how behavior and performances. So there you go, go ahead and apply it. Communication's a big thing for men for a lot of us, a lot of us men, we remember been exposed to it. We struggle with it. And you know, obviously we are here to help and support you. Through that process. I'll help you learn how to be a greater communicator, the best.

The best communicator that you can possibly be the greatest version of yourself as a real authentic, open, specific. And a five to one positive communicator. And we can help support you in that. So the Be The Torch academy is a great place for you to be exposed to that. If you go to Be The Torch dot com forward slash academy, waitlist jump on our waitlist so that we open up our next session. You're right there. You get to jump in and be a part of the academy. Being an effective communicator.

That's going to grow your, improve the behavior and the performance is on your team. It's going to call your revenue. It's going to improve your relationship, your love, your intimacy, your sex. And then of course, as a parent, it's going to improve your relationship with you and your children. And it's going to give them a model. For how to communicate. In the future as a leader and a family, maybe as a parent, maybe as a, as a business owner. Or as a partner.

So there you go Be The Torch dot com for slash academy waitlist, jump in to have other men just like you. That are going through the same things that you have, and they may just be a step or two ahead of you. But they get you. And this is one of the biggest challenges I found. And all the S all the books. I read the courses, I, I bought the seminars. I went to great information, great stuff. The challenge was I didn't resonate with like, they didn't understand me.

As a, as a man, who's a single father. Who's a. A creative eye. A a. A business owner who's been divorced. Who's had challenges in my relationships showing up authentically as myself. And all this personal element stuff is great. That's didn't talk to me. If this stuff talks to you. If you resonate with this. You're wasting your time and your energy, trying to go buy all the other stuff and try to piece it together. You'll eventually you may eventually get there. You may not.

I eventually got there. It took me over a decade. I do not want this to happen to you to take you that long, to light your torch, to become an example, a possibility for your children, for your employees, for your customers, for the world. At large, you can

do this. Communication is incredibly big. Ponant. A part of that. And we do this. And our academy, it's definitely a huge. A huge part of, of our academy. And we're going to get you rock solid, communicating to the point where when you start to communicate, but authentic, specific place where you're just lobbing out positives along with your corrections. And you are going to attract people into your life that you never imagined possible. And you're going to get results from people.

That you didn't think were possible. Simply learn how to communicate. My friends hope to see you in academy soon.