I see why some profiles attracted me, to confirm negative stories about me. And if my subconscious mind is leading me to confirm negative stories than why do I project a hope? My spread- card reading and chakra mistake my solar plexis is blocked not sacral as that is very open almost always ;) State of false sense of control, letting go, face denial and sort what baggage I continue to bring to the table. ASMR style Talk of an "800" number and going back to fantasy writings and reading. Temperatu...
Dec 22, 2021•17 min
Been super stressed by bp is up experiencing a touch of anxiety with a close call of depersonalization which has me now thinking about my past worship sessions to help ground me. 5.4.3.2.1, Send Conscious Cock! Two posts readings and poems: "Simplicity Over Scene S.O.S", "Merry Meet Again", "My Name is Mud Reluctantly Crouched At The Starting Line Or is This Love Or Is It Luck?", "Slow How I Wanted It To Be" Also 102 listeners, wowie, really 101 because I listen. Message me, please! It's hard no...
Dec 16, 2021•26 min
Dopamine drops means Taylor Swift songs, ugh I need oxytocin another way! Missing someone isn't suffering nor does it mean I want to absorb or be absorbed, just fucking means I like your person, settle down. Also never have I ever been in a 1.5 year dynamic and can say my sex life with this person is getting better. I don't like templates, anywhere, including after care, his is to rub his feet; it keeps me in his car long enough for me to calm down to drive home safely. He knows what he's doing,...
Dec 03, 2021•18 min
Appreciation for the penis, men after my play partner will have to silently give a prayer of thanks to him for his healing of my views with the penis. I am having thoughts about what my sexual healing will look like, yet I am unattached to whom will provide me the sexual healing space. Almost at 100 sessions with Him. Conditioning thoughts about monogamy, long term, and ever afters. Lost in translation- two people trying to remain together that don't speak the same language will have a frustrati...
Nov 30, 2021•30 min
A weird dream, we are nothing. A transition has begun, motorhome settling, lessons learned about filters, and learning about judgement. I cried after a session and I wasn't the one that had the orgasm- crying, the other orgasmic release.
Nov 26, 2021•24 min
Lots of growth past 2 weeks. Wondered if an all opened chakra sex connection leave without wanting more? And without wanting more I'm free from attachment and suffering. New chapter and play partner returned early. I promise no crying this episode.
Nov 14, 2021•25 min
No 90 day experiment. Play partner? He messaged but I'm feeling too fragile to read, I need self care and grounding. How I respond is how I take care of me. How I react is how I keep myself safe. Ex even hugged me. The Universe says to be alone? Celibate? I. Surrender. Discomfort is growth? My cue, my heart she keeps beating despite the amount of times I have her broken; I don't even own her so keep loving others!
Nov 09, 2021•20 min
Another post. I had more thoughts in light of current event(s). My higher self placed me 'here' repeating cycles but at a higher vantage point to move into more of my authentic self. My anxious attachment triggered- ego hurt, my human form- body, emotions, mind everything hurts. Becoming undone wasn't just about undoing sexual issues from society and religion my undoing is to 'me'. Becoming undone from 'this'- I am just a human experience, observing. ...my headphones in the background says, "pow...
Nov 08, 2021•23 min
I thought what could be good and fun piece to write about would only be a disservice to men and their cocks. I don't want to undo what my play partner had healed in me, my views of men, ego and their dicks. Had hurt feelings in the past not feeling good enough and not worthy, but shouldn't I be adored for worshipping his cock for hours- "should'ing" on self is not a good idea. Objectification, me not liking it, really just abandonment fears? Maybe those that objectify are projecting their abando...
Nov 08, 2021•20 min
Been wanting to create a piece about Oz and the little man behind the curtain. I had some rough drafts but tonight was passionately, and when I say passion I mean suffering, tonight it came out and so did stuttering. My brain has been stressed and tonight in distress. I see you seem me see you; and all my projections.
Nov 06, 2021•19 min
I love emotions and people but so hard to have both at the same time. New laptop I will be back to writing and hopefully less attached to thoughts. I think I'm 'becoming' closer to fucking...so much nonsense. I love reading to you, so here some of my stuff!
Nov 05, 2021•22 min
I fantasize of you lying in my lap while I read poetry to you. Come drift peacefully while I hold you. Come listen to Byron, Keats, Shelley, and Mrs. Helen Trusedell. I have an upper endoscopy tomorrow, I'm nervous. Today is technology free Tuesdays- I want your presence not the internet. Thank you for being here♡☆♡
Oct 20, 2021•25 min
I keep dreaming of some man, feels familiar but not sure. He shows me after telling me how much he appreciates me. You mean in the middle of day without manipulative tactics, someone can tell me he loves me out of the blue and then tell me he wants to show me on my body?! What is this a real thing?! I'm sure it is, but for me it's been a recurring dream. Maybe just my masculine energy arriving to help assist me. My attachment insecurities are rampant as people around me in my circle are gone, st...
Oct 16, 2021•19 min
No cock for vagina. Sadz. When do men decide they want to emotionally connect with or through sex? Confirmed I need an emotional connection to an emotionally available cock to enter my pussy. Still haven't had sex almost 10 years. I wish to find someone like my play partner but for day play, can host, and sometimes available for non sexual things. Good girl conditioning have women hold onto their cookie that men think the way to an emotional connection is to not connect with a sexual woman? I'm ...
Oct 13, 2021•31 min
Inspired by day dreams a day and night of intentional sexual appreciation.
Oct 07, 2021•12 min
Failing at: being a parent, friend to self, play partner, new potential postponed - unable to hold compassionate space for self then can't be a good human to others. Maybe I need to call my cry guy- had cry gazing experiences a few months ago. Hey! But I didn't cry here for once!
Oct 02, 2021•30 min
physical pain, emotional pain, and dopamine drop oh my! I'm still so curious about human connections and experiences not even the big bad corporation or the male unable to deal with rejection reporting my tinder account can make me crack....cause crack is whack. Thank you for being here...hit me up sometime send me a smile and a hello!
Sep 24, 2021•18 min
for fuck shit, not safe for work ;) yes long but worth it? I think so. Raw Bliss Torture, messy primal shit....oy! Intense. Terrific the dynamic is more defined into being erotic dynamic for play. I can relax my 'wants' for closeness. I can let go of romantic illusions, this is not that kind of playground I can accept. Thanks for being here! Drop me a message and let me know how you enjoyed?!
Sep 15, 2021•39 min
I didn't say I can't or can, I just decided "I sing". Felt this song all day. Ben Harper's version
Sep 12, 2021•4 min
I was having a moment, feeling this while thinking about writing a sacred shared moment.
Sep 11, 2021•2 min
Return play after absence, I missed him, missed his smell, his taste, his touch, missed his cock and with purposeful intent I remained remained present to savor every moment and every inch.
Sep 07, 2021•18 min
I need a break from "me"... Acknowledging a yummy connection at time of yummy connection is orgasmic to me. I love phone sex and enjoy his/ours even more.
Sep 02, 2021•22 min
Not at all a sexy episode, more for safety measures. I live with ex today was toxic all day, I'm sleeping with a chair under my door handle.
Sep 01, 2021•31 min
Masculine energy stepped in to set boundaries and femine energy came in to also take care of me.
Aug 29, 2021•19 min
Bcomingundone thinking all of this was just ego to hinder self love and acceptance, afraid. I am done.
Aug 29, 2021•17 min
Needed a break, creating memories
Aug 28, 2021•5 min
Going to miss this dynamic, these men are wonderful and two ladies are amazing.
Aug 28, 2021•16 min
The guys went up. I'm scared.
Aug 26, 2021•22 min
Day 4 of paramotor paragliding training, started off poorly but cleared up.
Aug 25, 2021•14 min
I'm hurting crying and confidence is all but gone. A co regulator right now would be so wonderful I'd do fun sexual things for both our enjoyment for hours. A phone call would be nice.
Aug 24, 2021•16 min
