Can You F*** at King's Cross?
Chapter 35: King's Cross - Apparently you CAN fuck at King's Cross because Voldy is about to be SO fucked 🤣
May 15, 2024•42 min•Season 7Ep. 230
Basic Snitches
Tara and Adam are re-reading everyone’s favorite series! Warning: Contains swearing, spoilers, wine consumption and a lot of us talking about our cats.
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Episodes
Harry's Sponge Bath
Chapter 34: The Forest Again - Harry takes a little stroll, passes a torch, reunites with family, and has a nice little make out session with cocaine baby.
May 08, 2024•43 min•Season 7Ep. 229
Snape Goop
Chapter 33: The Prince's Tale - This is apparently where we are supposed to stop hating Snape for being a piece of shit. Don't worry. We don't.
May 01, 2024•1 hr 7 min•Season 7Ep. 228
The Duke of Tara's Boob
Chapter 32: The Elder Wand - Adam writes one of the greatest things ever written...even though Tara stole all his adjectives. Again.
Apr 24, 2024•44 min•Season 7Ep. 227
I'm a Ghost, I Can Tell You Things
Chapter 31: The Battle of Hogwarts - Harry figures stuff out! We're so proud even though he's a dummy dumb dumb. Harry's interrogation tactics are just to be a dick, but hey, it's effective. Harry sees a statue and it reminds him of another statue. Everyone goes on vacation to Albania and Tom is the strangest name ever. Adam gives us all a lesson in the floor plans of Hogwarts thanks to his blueprints book and Hogwarts legacy.
Apr 17, 2024•53 min•Season 7Ep. 226
Holding Out for a Lumos
Chapter 30: The Sacking of Severus Snape - Amycus and Alexto suck. McG and Luna are badass. Slughorn is a walrus. The movie is...eh...okay? They don't have the budget for us to see the Ravenclaw common room and they're not paying John Cleese, so... 🤷♀️
Apr 11, 2024•50 min•Season 7Ep. 225
The Pretentious Doorknocker
Chapter 29: The Lost Diadem - in this episode we ask the important questions: Why are there so many crowns in this series? Why is Cho back at Hogwarts? Why are Adam and Tara so amazing at the word association game?
Apr 04, 2024•38 min•Season 7Ep. 224
Voldemort Screams Like a Cat
Chapter 28: The Missing Mirror - Congratulations on your new couch, Adam!!! Aberforth is fed up, Harry is determined, Ariana Grande is bffs with Neville.
Mar 27, 2024•54 min•Season 7Ep. 223
He's a Precious Baby
Chapter 27: The Final Hiding Place - THEY RIDE A DRAGOON 😁😁😁 Ron is sassy. Hermione is prepared. Harry gets to see into Voldy's head (so all usual stuff). And it's time to go home ❤️🏰
Mar 23, 2024•31 min•Season 7Ep. 222
Dragon is Good Pet, Yes?
Chapter 26: Gringotts - if Tara and Adam were wizards they would steal furniture from Parma. The trio and Griphook go on a field trip, Hermione is too friendly and Harry learns a new spell! Justice for dragoon!!!
Mar 14, 2024•45 min•Season 7Ep. 221
Horse Shadowing
Chapter 25: Shell Cottage - Adam and Tara discuss the importance of wearing crowns for every day tasks and Harry becomes a grandfather. Oh, and "daddy" is an adjective now.
Mar 07, 2024•33 min•Season 7Ep. 220
Carry That Body!
Chapter 24: The Wandmaker - We love the coziness of Shell Cottage and spending time with Bill and Fleur. The trio interrogate Griphook and Ollivander and Tara rants about how stupid Voldy and his crew were to not make Ollivander make them extra wands...
Feb 28, 2024•52 min•Season 7Ep. 219
MAGICAL CREATURE SMACKDOWN - featuring Olivia x 2
Highly combustible, O2 is BACK and we are two Slytherins and two Gryffindors together determining which is the best magical creature out there! New facts that are absolute canon about magical creatures: Sirius Black is a Disney princess and makes friends with all the woodland creatures The Giant Squid (aka: Adam) is lazy but effective Thestrals are the Ford F150s of the series
Feb 21, 2024•57 min•Season 7Ep. 218
Time to Vacuum the Driveway
Chapter 23: Malfoy Manor - Fucking Frenrrrrrr is back 😒 Seriously - fuck that guy. But we do get to reunite with Luna 😍 So much- like the longest thing maybe ever was written-SO much happens in this chapter. RIP Skinny Dick. Actually no. Fuck that guy.
Feb 16, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Season 7Ep. 217
A Long Tunnel
Chapter 22: The Deathly Hallows - Canon: Lee Jordan will dethrone Rita Skeeter in the wizarding media world. Harry needs to travel to the future to listen to Basic Snitches so he knows to refer to Voldy as Cocaine Baby, obviously. Then he wouldn't have broken the taboo 🤷♀️ We play a new game. For funsies. Adam is maybe impressed 😂 Did you know you can travel from Hogwarts to Bouxbatons through a long tunnel? Canon.
Feb 09, 2024•39 min•Season 7Ep. 216
Death Eaters are Drag Queens
Chapter 21: The Deathly Hollows - Soooooo...the big question here is why is a story that includes murder and suicide something being told to CHILDREN? Anyway, Luna is the best. Also there are lots of spoilers in this episode... Even though this is not a spoiler free podcast (Nor is it a Twilight podcast thank you very much no) We figured we would let you know about all the spoilers 🤷♀️
Feb 02, 2024•50 min•Season 7Ep. 215
Swimming for Plimpies
Chapter 20: Xenophillius Lovegood - RON IS TRYING GIVE HIM CREDIT We get to go visit X and, after 20 chapters, we finally are about to find out the meaning of the title of this book!
Jan 25, 2024•40 min•Season 7Ep. 214
My Patronus is My Own Ass
Chapter 19: The Silver Doe - Merry Christmas to Bentley, the little thief making all the noise in the background 😂 People do not give water the respect it deserves! Anyway this chapter is actually about terrifying ways to die (drowning), and how Ron is a fucking hero. Also, what would it be like if Snape's first name was Larry? Everything is fixed.
Jan 19, 2024•44 min•Season 7Ep. 213
The Sword and the Horrible Woman
Chapter 18: The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore - This chapter is really just a lot of gay jokes and Hermione being a book thief Tara is filled with all the accents today... Did you know that you can only pull the sword of Gryffindor out of a hat or a hag?? ...or Harry.
Jan 13, 2024•47 min•Season 7Ep. 212
The Snitch Game
Welcome to the Snitch Game! This is the Basic Snitches version of Match Game and Snatch Game and it's everything you never needed! Starring Natalie as the contestant, and Adam as our host, listen and find out who she will match with!! Will it be everyone's favorite sensible and logical DADA professor, Remus Lupin (Victoria)? Or the Hungarian Horntail with the heavy accent (Ashley)? How about a strangely horny Dobby the House-Elf (Sarah)? Or Natalie's favorite HP character, Hagrid (Dan)? ...or pe...
Jan 04, 2024•32 min
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince as told by Basic Snitches (and other Bitches)
Our annual holiday gift to you - A whole HP book condensed to the highlights according to us 🤣😉 Merry Holidays!
Dec 27, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Season 7Ep. 211
Harry Touched the Butt
Chapter 17: Bathilda's Secret- Spoiler: SHE A SNAKE! 😳 Also, Adam and Tara finally get One Word at a Time right!!
Dec 20, 2023•47 min•Season 7Ep. 210
She Likes a Big Tent - Featuring Brian O. Jackson & Sarah Price
Chapter 16: Godric's Hollow - Brian and Sarah are back to discuss this super sad chapter. Though it's not a terribly eventful chapter we spend a good amount of time taking about the film's choice to have Harry and Hermione share that super awkward dance.
Dec 15, 2023•59 min•Season 7Ep. 209
The Wish Version of Harry - featuring Brian O. Jackson & Sarah Price
Hiiiiiiii! Welcome to our second special episode on Puffs, or Seven Increasingly Eventful Years at a Certain School of Magic and Magic ! Two of our favorite Snitches are back as we reminisce about our time as Puffs 💛🖤 Thank you to Darcy for the questions and thank you to Matt Cox for giving us a beautiful and hilarious show with so much heart and hugs. Please be our friend! #thirdornothing🦡
Dec 08, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Season 7Ep. 208
Harry Buries an Eyeball
Chapter 15: The Goblins' Revenge - CAMPING IS FUN Also, the trio get to be nosy bitches, just like the good ol' days... until Ron leaves like a little bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch (Tara took all Adam's adjectives)
Dec 01, 2023•46 min•Season 7Ep. 207
The Li'l Chicken Boys
Chapter 14 (of Aesop's Fables?): The Thief - We will drink wine out of (almost) anything. BABY NEEDS JELLY!!! This is where they start camping so that's all that happens the rest of the book 🤷♀️
Nov 23, 2023•45 min•Season 7Ep. 206
Toilet Transportation Station
Chapter 13: The Muggle Born Registration Committee- Well, our heros managed to get INTO the ministry but that's where the success ends 🤷♀️ Harry falls back on his old habits of being nosy AF, Ron is (as usual) twarted by his lack of real magical skill (😬), and Hermione is forced to spend time with the pink demon. They do manage to survive but not without that fucker Yaxley being in entirely too much of the chapter.
Nov 16, 2023•56 min•Season 7Ep. 205
A Lovely Tart
Chapter 12: Magic is Might - Today we're talking about chapter 12 of War and Peace...just kidding 😂 The trio and Kreacher have a domestic start to the chapter before they move into their plan to infiltrate the Ministry. We discuss how Kreacher is fluffy now that he has a nice/not evil master. We also realize that we want Yaxley dead as much as Umbridge. That guy sucks.
Nov 09, 2023•43 min•Season 7Ep. 204
Boy George and Some Other People
Chapter 11: The Bribe - In this chapter, one of our favorite characters comes back... Lupin! However, it's not really a good chapter for him 😬 We discuss the development of Tonks and Lupin's relationship and how Harry isn't exactly wrong when he calls him a coward...(maybe check your temper though, Harry) We also try to figure out how the hell patronus texting works 🤷♀️ PSA - we are not pro-traffic circle people on this podcast Cormac stole Draco's line 😮
Nov 04, 2023•35 min•Season 7Ep. 203
A Prezzie for Kreacher
Chapter 10: Kreacher's Tale - Tara and Adam need carbs. We finally learn who RAB is (I mean, we knew, but now the Trio knows!) and how he has amazing timing (or else Kreacher would not be alive). Also, can someone please teach us the margarita spell?
Oct 26, 2023•47 min•Season 7Ep. 202
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