Send us a text In this season finale of the Bare Marriage Podcast, Rebecca, Joanna, Connor, and Josiah discuss the powerful benefits of reading fiction for personal growth, empathy development, and critical thinking. They share their personal journeys back to reading after University & adult life interrupted their childhood love of books, explore scientific research on how fiction affects the brain, and provide practical advice for getting back into reading. The episode concludes with an ins...
Jun 26, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Season 8Ep. 289
Send us a text Is sex is a human need within marriage? Let's address the tension between those who see "need" language as potentially coercive and those who feel legitimate sexual desires shouldn't be shamed. Psychological research does classify sex as a human need, but the real issue is how couples can co-create a reality for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Rather than pressuring reluctant partners, couples should focus on building marriages where both people genuinely want and enjoy...
Jun 19, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Season 8Ep. 288
Send us a text In this episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, I am talking with Biblical Greek scholar Marg Mowczko about the true meaning of "headship" in the Bible. Marg reveals that the Greek word "kephale" (head) doesn't typically mean "leader" or "authority" in ancient literature, and that no verse actually commands men to lead their wives. Instead, head-body metaphors are used in Scripture to describe unity and mutual care and as a picture of growing into the likeness of Christ for ALL Chri...
Jun 12, 2025•1 hr 17 min•Season 8Ep. 287
Send us a text After a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teaching you patience" (it's a numbers game!), the "Burn the Haystack Method" for online dating, why some might nee...
Jun 05, 2025•57 min•Season 8Ep. 286
Send us a text “Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our results of believing in soul ties, and we discuss different ways to talk about heartache and trauma. P...
May 29, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Season 8Ep. 285
Send us a text Let's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources! RESOURCES: Get our one-sheet download on His Needs, Her Needs TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foun...
May 22, 2025•1 hr 45 min•Season 8Ep. 284
Send us a text What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it. TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Init...
May 15, 2025•1 hr 14 min•Season 8Ep. 283
Send us a text It's time to walk through some super interesting studies that have recently been published--and see what they say about the intersection of infidelity and beliefs in male hierarchy. Keith joins Sheila to react to the studies! OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face . The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way! TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for ...
May 08, 2025•1 hr 1 min•Season 8Ep. 282
Send us a text It's an Ask Me Anything episode! Keith and I open talking about the viral video where a woman claims that she felt called by God to iron her husband's clothes before he left for the weekend to be with his mistress. And then Rebecca and I answer your questions about drawing boundaries, dating, protecting kids from abuse in church, and more! OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face . The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towar...
May 01, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Season 8Ep. 281
Send us a text The Love Dare, based on the movie Fireproof, has been a huge best-selling marriage book for two decades. But does it actually contain good advice? Today on episode 280 of the Bare Marriage podcast, we show how The Love Dare simply regurgitates all the typical harmful evangelical marriage advice, telling women to make themselves smaller; never bring up issues; paper over problems; and, of course, never divorce, even if you’re being abused. OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, Zon...
Apr 24, 2025•57 min•Season 8Ep. 280
Send us a text What if vulnerability and authenticity are vital for true community? And what if we can never truly know God, and each other, until we know ourselves? It's episode 279 of the Bare Marriage podcast, featuring Aimee Byrd talking about her new book! Aimee Byrd's Book Saving Face Aimee Byrd's Substack TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation...
Apr 17, 2025•1 hr 5 min•Season 8Ep. 279
Send us a text Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, recently did a podcast bemoaning the fact that young women, unlike young men, are giving up on the "creation order" and abandoning marriage. But he distorts the argument, and misses the main problem: Women want to get married, but too many of the men available don't make good partners. WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife : How Marriage Replaced Or...
Apr 10, 2025•1 hr 11 min•Season 8Ep. 278
Send us a text So many evangelical pastors teach that men are rational while women are emotional. But is this true? And if women are more emotionally mature than men, then doesn't that mean that men need to learn from women? Listen in as Keith and Sheila dissect several clips from Josh Howerton, Emerson Eggerichs, Josh McPherson, and Matt Walsh. WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife : How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Wom...
Apr 03, 2025•1 hr 9 min•Season 8Ep. 277
Send us a text We know watching porn is wrong--but are romance novels just as bad? We've often heard that comparison made: Sure, guys watch porn, but remember that women read novels! Today Rebecca and I talk about when the comparison may be fair, and when it isn't. And we ask: how should we see romance novels or erotic novels? Listen in and see what you think--as we try to reason it through! WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's W...
Mar 27, 2025•59 min•Season 8Ep. 276
Send us a text What if marriage replaced ordination as a woman's path to ministry? What if we've systematically erased the stories of women ministering in the past, and in so doing silenced women's voices and removed opportunities to serve Jesus? Today Beth Allison Barr joins us to talk about her new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife! REGISTER FOR OUR FREE WEBINAR Join Beth Allison Barr, Sheila, and Karen Swallow Prior on Thursday, March 27 at 9 pm for a FREE webinar (recording will be available a...
Mar 20, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Season 8Ep. 275
Send us a text The Marriage You Want is LIVE! Our book launched this week, and in this week's podcast we take a broad, investigative look into the state of evangelical marriage publishing, and why there has very little change in the top 10 books in decades. Plus what it means to have SAFE and HEALTHY marriage advice! Come celebrate with us in episode 274 of Bare Marriage! THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Order it on Amazon Other places to buy! TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to s...
Mar 13, 2025•53 min•Season 8Ep. 274
Send us a text It's episode 273 of the Bare Marriage podcast! We found that certain beliefs are correlated most with emotional immaturity--passive aggressiveness; outbursts of anger; emotional dysregulation. In our research for our book The Marriage You Want, we found that when couples believe the husband should have the tie breaking vote, they score lower on maturity. Is this because emotionally immature people are drawn to these beliefs? Or do these beliefs hamper maturity? Today we talk about...
Mar 06, 2025•57 min•Season 8Ep. 273
Send us a text What if the "acts of service" love language is masking something else--the totally unequal division of labor that many couples have, and Gary Chapman ignores? Plus does the "physical touch" love language mask something wrong in the bedroom? ALL NEW BONUS STATS today! Some of them aren't even in the new book! PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Pre-Order on Amazon Get other links to Pre-Order Send in your preorder receipt to preorder@marriageyouwantbook.com TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon...
Feb 27, 2025•42 min•Season 8Ep. 272
Send us a text PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Pre-Order on Amazon Get other links to Pre-Order Send in your preorder receipt to preorder@marriageyouwantbook.com TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation And check out our Merch, or any of our courses ! Join our email list! Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com ! And her FACEBOOK PAGE has been HACKED--so please ...
Feb 20, 2025•58 min•Season 8Ep. 271
Send us a text Prioritizing your marriage can be tough. How do we spend enough time together? Do we need more date nights? And MOMS—don’t forget to be a wife first and a mom second! But in all this talk, are we missing the bigger point? If we’re functioning as a team, doing life together, then affection will grow. But if you see your kids as threats to your marriage, or think you can connect with a date night when you haven’t been in the trenches together all week, you’re not going to feel close...
Feb 13, 2025•1 hr 15 min•Season 8Ep. 270
Send us a text Ever tried to find a compromise when you’re having an argument—but even the compromise doesn’t seem fair? In today’s podcast we explain why—using what we call The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. We talk about this in our new book The Marriage You Want! Basically, compromise only works if you both start off on equal footing. But if one of you is already doing more than their fair share, compromise just makes it even more unequal. So let’s talk about foundation vs. frills, how to overc...
Feb 06, 2025•54 min•Season 8Ep. 269
Send us a text What is the biggest key to a great marriage? Teamwork! Let’s talk about how teamwork is associated with all the good outcomes we want for marriage—better sex; feeling close; resolving conflict—everything! But complementarianism, on the other hand, is associated with all the bad outcomes. Good outcomes and bad outcomes tend to travel together—and complementarianism travels with the bad stuff! Hear about all our new data from our new book The Marriage You Want! LINKS PREODER THE MAR...
Jan 30, 2025•58 min
Send us a text In our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow from that false premise. But when we fix that first premise—then our advice can finally get healthy (...
Jan 23, 2025•1 hr 7 min•Season 9Ep. 267
Send us a text The idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage! TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U...
Jan 16, 2025•1 hr 38 min•Season 9Ep. 266
Send us a text So many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again! TO SUPPORT US...
Jan 09, 2025•1 hr 3 min•Season 9Ep. 265
Send us a text Our big announcement: We’re peer-reviewed! Our dataset for The Great Sex Rescue has now appeared in the November 2024 Sociology of Religion Journal. So let’s talk about what we found, but also ask: why are evangelicals so quick to dismiss science, but at the same time cling to bad interpretations of data if it suits their agenda? Can we become better critical thinkers? COMING IN 2025 Pre-Order The Marriage You Want Join our email list to be notified about the launch team TO SUPPOR...
Dec 19, 2024•1 hr 21 min•Season 8Ep. 264
Send us a text Advent is normally a time of hopeful expectation. But what does it mean when our hopes have been dashed in the past? Stephanie Duncan Smith shares her stories of miscarriages and losses—as well as great celebrations, and what it means to embrace a life that is really messy. And we look at how we can celebrate the Incarnation by being Jesus’ hands and feet, seeing the work fighting sex trafficking that The Well House is doing. It’s the Christmas season, everyone! Stocking Stuffers:...
Dec 12, 2024•59 min•Season 8Ep. 263
Send us a text Jimmy Evans started XO Marriage over 30 years ago, and his book Marriage on the Rock became a best-seller. He leads marriage conferences around the country. But for years he also Mark Driscoll on his leadership team. He got his start at Gateway Church under Robert Morris, who has been accused of grooming and sexually abusing a teen girl, starting when she was 12. And more recently audio of Evans’ bullying behavior has dropped. So let’s examine his book Marriage on the Rock—and we’...
Dec 05, 2024•1 hr 34 min•Season 8Ep. 262
Send us a text Ever feel like your body is a stranger to you? Like you’re plagued with insecurity, can’t find peace in your relationships? What if it’s because we’re running away from part of who we are, and we haven’t been able to honor who God made us to be? Christy Bauman, a licensed therapist, noticed in her counseling that her clients often didn’t have a clear identity or were able to articulate who they were. So she invites us on a journey of recovering rites of passage—where we honor sacr...
Nov 27, 2024•1 hr 19 min•Season 8Ep. 261
Send us a text Gisele Pelicot famously said that "shame must switch sides"--and I think that applies to the evangelical church! Over and over again over the last few years ,when male teachers have presented a pornified view of sex and women have said "no", women have been accused of being prudes. But it is okay to reject objectification. A close look at Josh Butler, Gary Thomas coercing women into sending nude photos, and more--all of whom called us ashamed of sex for saying no. SPECIAL : The Gr...
Nov 21, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Season 8Ep. 260
