Why Beating Yourself Up Isn’t Making You Better Rewiring the Inner Critic For most of us men, we were raised on self-esteem, (either resourceful input, or non-resourceful input) Be confident. Stand tall. Don’t screw up. Win at all costs. That’s self-esteem culture. It’s about feeling good about yourself when you’re doing well — when you’re successful, strong, admired, competent, and on your game. But the second you fall short? That’s when self-esteem gets shaky. You feel like less of a man. This...
Jun 30, 2025•34 min•Ep. 93
7 Common Signs You’re Feeling Shame as a Man Most men don’t like to look in the mirror—not the one in the bathroom, but the one that shows us what’s going on inside. We’re raised with messages like: You can’t change the past. Just move on. Don’t dwell. And on the surface, that sounds like wisdom. But underneath, it keeps a lot of us from practicing self-reflection… because we’re not just afraid of guilt. We’re afraid of shame. See, guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “There’s someth...
May 29, 2025•28 min•Ep. 92
Using Boundaries in Every Circle of Relationship Healthy relationships are built on respect, understanding, and trust. At the core of maintaining these elements are boundaries—clear lines we draw to protect our well-being. The Circle of Relationships model by Brian Frizzell offers a helpful visual to identify the depth and nature of our connections. When we combine this with a clear understanding of boundaries and requests, we gain powerful insight into how to handle different types of relations...
Apr 28, 2025•31 min•Ep. 91
What the Heck is a Boundary? A boundary isn’t just a rule—it’s a way to identify, communicate, and maintain the environment you need to be the person you want to be. Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about controlling your space and how you respond to what happens in it. 🏡 Fence Analogy: Think of a boundary like a fence around your house. You’ve got a walkway up to the front door—that’s how you do relationships with me. That’s the space I’ve clearly defined where I invit...
Mar 31, 2025•20 min•Ep. 90
Cracking The Coping Code Do you wish you could quit your unhealthy coping mechanisms or bad habits? Many of us find ourselves trapped in cycles of behavior that don't serve us well. Whether it's substance abuse, avoidance, negative self-talk, excessive screen time, emotional eating, isolation, procrastination, overworking, or aggression, porn, these coping mechanisms are familiar yet unhelpful tools we often use to self-soothe. It's crucial to remember that resorting to these habits doesn't make...
Feb 28, 2025•31 min•Ep. 89
Developing Emotional Autonomy in Relationships How do we navigate this vulnerability? By building emotional Autonomy. This means taking ownership of your emotions—understanding them, and managing them. It’s about knowing yourself and being responsible for your emotional state rather than numbing out or blaming others. Emotional Autonomy vs. Emotional Immaturity: Emotional Immaturity: “You made me feel this way.” / “I’m fine” (when it’s not true). Emotional Autonomy: “I feel this way. It’s okay t...
Dec 19, 2024•37 min•Season 4Ep. 12
Emotional Autonomy is about owning your emotions and managing them in a way that strengthens your relationship with yourself without harming others in the process. It's learning to take responsibility for what you feel and working through those emotions in a healthy, constructive way that respects both your well-being and the well-being of those around you. Autonomy involves having the freedom and capacity to act according to one's own principles, values, and interests while taking responsibilit...
Nov 22, 2024•25 min•Season 4Ep. 11
The Vulnerability Myth (Part 1) Let’s face it— dating and relationships can be a minefield for men. On one side, we’re told to open up, be vulnerable, and share our emotions. But when we do, the response isn’t always what we expect. Sometimes, it’s met with anger, confusion, or even panic. Other times, it feels like the person across from us wants to jump in and fix our problems as if we can’t handle them ourselves. It’s a tricky balance. Here’s the truth: being emotionally aware and understandi...
Oct 31, 2024•28 min•Season 4Ep. 10
What is “Shadow Work”? Shadow Work involves digging into the parts of ourselves we've hidden away because they seem too ugly, weird, or unacceptable. This survival tactic might help us through childhood, but it wreaks havoc on our adult lives, leading to inauthenticity. Shadow Work is about embracing your whole self – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and integrating these parts into your life. The Enneagram and Shadow Work The Enneagram is a powerful tool for understanding our personality and t...
Aug 29, 2024•39 min•Season 4Ep. 8
Shadow Work (Part 2) Today, we're diving into a topic that’s as crucial as it is uncomfortable: authenticity. Let me set the stage for this podcast. Picture this: a man finds his marriage on the brink of falling apart. He's convinced he's doing everything he "should" do to keep it together, yet he feels like he's constantly falling short. Growing up, he learned that showing certain emotions or traits of himself like being “too excited” or “too hyper” could jeopardize his relationships and get hi...
Jul 31, 2024•24 min•Season 4Ep. 7
The Shadow is all those parts of ourselves we’ve shoved into the dark because we were told they’re unacceptable. This is what we call repression – unconsciously hiding these aspects to fit in and feel loved. And no shame. This helped us survive as kids. But as adults, we take it a step further with suppression – consciously choosing to hide these parts, leading to inauthenticity. Resources we mentioned to start engaging in your own shadow work: Book: Men's Work by Connor Beaton Falling Upward by...
Jun 27, 2024•13 min•Season 4Ep. 6
Chapter #7 Suicide The word “”committed” is usually used in the context of crimes. 2016 suicide was ranked the 10thcause of death in the US. Pg 116 men die from suicide 4x more then women. Pain is a natural reaction to death but suffering is what our mind does to us. 118 Death by suicide is not a selfish act or even a choice. It’s a sign of a mind that needs help. 114 The path to freedom from the suffering caused by our minds is through finding meaning. Pg 118 There are many paths to meaning, an...
May 30, 2024•40 min•Season 4Ep. 5
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grie...
Apr 29, 2024•27 min•Season 4Ep. 4
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grie...
Mar 30, 2024•31 min•Season 4Ep. 3
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grie...
Feb 26, 2024•34 min•Season 4Ep. 2
Introduction How effective are resolutions? Do they work? Statistics tell us that on average between 64-80% of New Year's resolutions are abandoned in the first 3-weeks of committing to the resolution. In this podcast we talk about comparison to others and comparison to ourselves versus compassion for self and compassion for others. Often New Year’s resolutions can often turn into dissolutions, good intentions can turn into frustrations and aspirations can turn into deflations. The word resoluti...
Jan 05, 2024•26 min•Season 4Ep. 1
In a culture of “artificial intelligence” and “virtual reality” it can be a challenge to be authentic. In this podcast we continue this conversation and give 4 key factors of how to start unlocking our authentic self. Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman developed an Authenticity Inventory back in 2000 comprised of four key factors needed for authenticity: They came up with a technical description of authenticity as "the unimpeded operation of one's true or core self in one's daily enterprise." Peop...
Dec 21, 2023•35 min•Season 3Ep. 19
In this podcast we talk about what it is like to live authentically during the holidays. We reference the 8 qualities and how we personally will look to incorporate these into our holidway experience with friends and family. 8 Qualities of Authenticity: Curiosity Calm Clarity Connectedness Confidence Courage Creativity Compassion
Nov 20, 2023•20 min•Season 3Ep. 18
In a culture of “artificial intelligence” and “virtual reality” it can be a challenge to be authentic. Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world. Adam Grant Living an authentic life with courage is meeting your fear, looking it in the eye, but diving in anyway because it is how you want to show up for yourself. Brene Brown The idea of authenticity is a powerful shaping force for individual identity, a functional state, a wa...
Oct 30, 2023•21 min•Season 3Ep. 17
Regretfully Yours (Part 2) The Four Categories of Regret from part 1 are: 1. Foundational Regrets - “If only I had more…” 2. Boldness Regrets - “If only took a risk …” 3. Moral Regret - “If I had that decision back I would have…” 4. Connection Regrets - “If I would have stayed connected to…” How to Respond to Regret: 1. Be Aware of it (this is what the first podcast was dedicated to) Identify them in detail Explore why we have them. The keys to awareness 2. Express it - Do not deny regrets but e...
Sep 18, 2023•23 min•Season 3Ep. 16
Regret is one of our most powerful feelings and regrettably one of the most misunderstood. Regret covers a myriad of circumstances from wishing we would have eaten oatmeal instead of the cinnamon danish this morning for breakfast to feeling remorse for not telling a loved one how much we loved them before they died. The Four Categories of Regret: 1. Foundational Regrets - did not make choices that give enough stability and security Not saving enough money or not paying attention to health. “If o...
Aug 28, 2023•22 min•Season 3Ep. 15
Book Overview: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a groundbreaking self-help book that challenges the traditional concept of what it means to be a "nice guy" and offers a transformative path for men seeking greater fulfillment and success in their personal and professional lives. In this insightful and thought-provoking book, Dr. Glover identifies the "Nice Guy Syndrome" as a pattern of behavior that plagues many men who struggle with...
Jul 17, 2023•40 min•Season 3Ep. 14
Book Overview: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a groundbreaking self-help book that challenges the traditional concept of what it means to be a "nice guy" and offers a transformative path for men seeking greater fulfillment and success in their personal and professional lives. In this insightful and thought-provoking book, Dr. Glover identifies the "Nice Guy Syndrome" as a pattern of behavior that plagues many men who struggle with...
Jun 20, 2023•33 min•Season 3Ep. 13
In this podcast we discuss how to be assertive in our #5-#7 circles of relationships paradigm. These circles consist of work, giving, boundaries, possesions and coping mechanisms of life. Circle #5 – The Mandatory Relationships (work and to do lists) Assertiveness in the workplace means being confident in communicating our opinions, suggestions, challenges and desires. It means representing ourselves well in the company while representing the company well. It is about making conflict about the p...
Feb 23, 2023•34 min•Season 3Ep. 12
ASSERTIVENESS IN THE ESSENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS OF LIFE In this podcast we discuss the importance of using assertiveness in the essential relationships in our life. We use the paradigm Circle of Relationships. Circle #1 – The SOURCE Relationship It is where I discover self. It is the internal and the eternal. It is where I find my purpose and passion Know what we want personally and fulfill that desire. The only time to let people put you in a box is just before your funeral. Self-awareness is the ...
Jan 30, 2023•34 min•Season 3Ep. 11
Why is Assertiveness important? If we don’t have it we won't know what we want and how to get it. We leave fate to write our story. Fate is a horrible author. What is Assertiveness? The best contribution to learning to be assertive is to be learning about myself. I can’t teach others how to respect me if I haven’t learned what there is to respect about myself. Passive: Respecting others and not self Aggressive: Respecting self and not others Assertive: Respecting Self & Others in how we comm...
Dec 22, 2022•27 min•Season 3Ep. 10
FORMATING FORGIVENESS If individuals could apply themselves to pursuing this one thing it could vastly improve personal and relational health. This one thing to pursue is a deep understanding and application of… forgiveness. Forgiveness is a basis for a life well lived. In order to have a good establishment of life it is good to understand the foundational truths of forgiveness. 8 Truths of Forgiveness: 1. Forgiveness is for me, not the offender This is the reminder that we always have a choice ...
Nov 22, 2022•27 min•Season 3Ep. 9
Circle Four - Intentionality These are the actions that we do. This is WHAT we do. Outcome and behavior driven. A secure identity, with a sensitivity to our feelings and the feelings of others, and an acute accurate thinking makes way to beneficial action. - We don’t become a new person by changing our behavior, our behavior is evidence of our change and evolution in security, sensitivity and common sense. - Behavior is a very important thing to look at. I often say, “Don’t tell me what you beli...
Oct 25, 2022•25 min•Season 3Ep. 8
Authentic Living (Mentality) Part 3 Circle 3 - Mentality (Think) These are the beliefs and stories that we tell ourselves. This is Where we are going. Process driven. Potential Pitfall- Intellectualizing. Quotes on thinking: Rene Descartes, the French philosopher, stated in 1637 - Cogito, ergo sum - “I think therefore I am”. Probably the most significant quote to push a civilization to the unhealthy extreme of reason being the most important capacity. “If everyone is thinking alike then no one i...
Aug 29, 2022•27 min•Season 3Ep. 7
Authentic Living (Sensitivity) Part 2 Circle 2 - Sensitivity (Feel) These are the Emotions that reinforce our identity. This is How we feel. What would emotions from the outside-in look like vs. emotions from inside-out look like? Outside-in: Feeling Angry about our behavior and then thinking we shouldn’t do that. Trying to attack the behavior with will-power. It gave us some structure as far as social expectation. Inside-out: when we feel something, acknowledge and recognize how we are feeling ...
Jul 12, 2022•27 min•Season 3Ep. 6
