In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Dr. Camden Morgante about recovering from the effects of purity culture. Dr. Camden is a psychologist, Christian, coach, and writer who is currently working on a book about the myths of purity culture. During our time together we define purity culture and talk about how it is more than just teaching abstinence before marriage. In purity culture, abstinence often becomes an action we engage in to receive a reward rather than something we do to hon...
Oct 18, 2022•45 min
In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question, “How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?” Heather has noticed a pattern in her dating life where she is attracted to men who she has to work to please, and oftentimes those men can be cruel. We often tend to repeat emotional experiences that we had in our childhood. Heather and I talk about if she felt like she had to work to hear her parents’ love, approval, and attention. I encourage her to explore doing inner child work to ...
Oct 11, 2022•15 min
In this episode, I talk with Brittany and address the question, “How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family?” Brittany and her husband provided a lot of financial and emotional support to her mother-in-law before Brittany’s husband passed away. Their current relationship leaves Brittany feeling guilty and resentful toward her mother-in-law. She has encouraged her mother-in-law to seek help many times, but she refuses to take action to bet...
Oct 04, 2022•16 min
In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus , who is an Orthodox Jewish therapist, writer, author, and speaker who specializes in sexuality. She is also the author of Sex Points . Though we come from different religious backgrounds, our faith traditions have many similarities, especially when it comes to talking about sex. Dr. Bat Sheva tells me about how sexuality was taught when she was growing up, how the teaching she learned about sexuality as a child affected her as an ad...
Sep 27, 2022•1 hr 2 min
In this episode, I coach Amber and address the question, “Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children?” Amber’s ex-husband is getting married and moving away at the end of the year. Her children are struggling with the fact that he will be spending less time with them, and Amber is feeling the stress of even more being put on her plate as her husband’s custody of their children will decrease. What initially started as a conversation about if her ex is doing the right ...
Sep 20, 2022•28 min
In this episode, I coach Madeline and address the question, “How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?” Madeline shares that she struggles to make her voice a priority. Throughout her life she has placed great importance on other people’s approval, and because of this she feels guilt when she does set boundaries. I surmise that somewhere along the lines, Madeline got the message that the happiness of others means more than her own happiness. Now that she is wanting to do ...
Sep 13, 2022•15 min
In this episode I coach Alison Faulkner , host of the Awesome with Alison podcast and author of You’re Already Awesome . Alison was getting ready to release her book when we talked, so I addressed her question, “How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do?” Alison shares that when something feels hard, she often wonders if she’s doing it wrong. I reaffirm that she is doing things her way, and that’s the right thing to do. Some things in life are just really, really hard. It doesn’t mea...
Sep 06, 2022•39 min
In this episode, I coach Farrah and address her concern: “My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go?” Farrah feels she has comfortably lived in a gray area of the Church her whole life, acknowledging what she feels to be true and leaving behind the things she doesn’t agree with. Now, however, she feels like she needs to make a decision about if she will continue to stay in the Church. There is a lot of loss, devastation, and grief that c...
Aug 30, 2022•28 min
In this episode, I coach Tanya and address the question, “How do I navigate feeling like I don’t fit in or personally align with LDS culture while wanting to stay a member of the Church?” Tanya has been feeling a disconnect between her values—particularly when it comes to views on LGBTQ+ matters—and Church culture. Though she doesn’t feel like she fits in, she has been looking for any possible way to stay. Tanya shares that she was taught she must be 100% in line with the Church or leave. I tell...
Aug 23, 2022•17 min
In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Tiffany Roe , mental health counselor and host of the Therapy Thoughts podcast . We discuss this month’s membership topic—healing your inner child—and Tiffany drops dozens of truth bombs throughout the conversation. Here are just a few of the topics we cover: How to find a therapist who can help with inner child work What actually causes trauma (it’s not what most people think) What it means to heal your inner child Why your inner child has nothi...
Aug 16, 2022•42 min
In this episode, I coach Dakota and address the question, “How do I release the burden of feeling responsible to protect my siblings from the struggles and challenges of life?” Dakota is the oldest of six children, and she has always felt responsible for her younger siblings. She wants to be there to help them, but she finds herself taking on their problems and as a result sometimes feels drained and ill. It is a myth that you can solve someone else’s problems. The belief that you can take on so...
Aug 09, 2022•21 min
In this episode, I coach Kirsten and address the question, “How can I stop overthinking about things in the future that are out of my control?” Kirsten finds herself constantly thinking ahead and worrying about consequences, pros and cons, and right and wrong. This interferes with her ability to enjoy her life as it is today. During our time together, I notice Kirsten worrying about making right choices. I propose a new idea: What if there are multiple good choices, not just one right choice? A ...
Aug 02, 2022•22 min
In this episode, I coach entrepreneur and influencer Rachel Parcell ( @rachparcell ), owner of rachelparcell.com , and address the question “How can I let go of mom guilt and create more partnership in my family?” Rachel and her husband have a common relationship dynamic where one is the strict parent and one is the fun parent and how it is impacting their family. Rachel talks about feeling mom guilt in this dynamic and as a mom who works outside the home. I share that guilt is totally useless u...
Jul 26, 2022•27 min
In this episode, I coach Michelle and address the question “How can I let go of control in my life as a mom pursuing a masters degree?” Michelle shares she has always felt like she has to be one hundred percent all the time and if something goes wrong it is her fault. Michelle wants to have time for herself, time to be present with her family, and time to pursue her dreams. We dive into how she can drop or delegate tasks and free up time and energy in her life. We talk about Michelle’s fears aro...
Jul 19, 2022•27 min
In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Courtney Brown , CEO of Cents of Style , about aspirational shame. Aspirational shame is the experience of feeling guilty for having aspirations outside of home and family life. We share our personal experiences with aspirational shame and share how we came to reject the paradigm of work and family life being in opposition. Courtney and I share lessons we’ve learned and discuss how we have both lessened or resolved aspirational shame and followed...
Jul 12, 2022•59 min
In this episode, I coach Jane and address the question “How can I set boundaries with my mentally ill mother?” Jane has struggled interacting with her mother and feeling manipulated throughout her life and is seeing the cost of that pattern. Jane wants to set boundaries with her mother and is feeling a lot of pressure in the relationship. We dive into what would happen if Jane stopped answering her mothers demands and the concern her mother will spiral if Jane sets boundaries. I share that she c...
Jul 05, 2022•25 min
This special podcast episode is a celebration of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks reaching half a million downloads. I hosted a live Q&A and answered questions about family, faith, mental health, faith transitions, communication, and more. I hope you’ll also enjoy my bonus musical performance of “ You Can’t Lose My Love ” and “ Mother, Where Art Thou? ” Thank you for listening, sharing, and helping my podcast reach so many people! If you love the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, please c lick here to leave m...
Jul 01, 2022•45 min
In this episode, I coach Kacey and address the question “How can I help my kids foster a relationship with a family member I don’t get along with?” Kacey has a strained relationship with her mother-in-law, but she doesn’t want their relationship to influence how her children interact with their grandmother. As we talk, it becomes clear that Kacey’s worries are deeper than her kids’ relationship with their grandma. We dive into her desire for approval that may be making her relationship with her ...
Jun 28, 2022•26 min
In this episode, I coach Tessa and address the question “How can I reframe the way I think about my job?” Growing up, Tessa was taught that finding a job she loves meant she wouldn’t work a day in her life. As she has grown and entered the workforce, she is yet to find a career she is passionate about. Tessa wants to reframe her thinking so she can be grateful for the job that provides for her family, not just focus on it not being her passion. Tessa shares with me that she went to school for fa...
Jun 21, 2022•16 min
In this bonus episode, I answer audience questions live about making peace with your body. I answer questions like How do you accept your body after weight gain? How can I expand my self definition beyond my appearance? How can I appreciate my body’s functions more than its form? How do I set boundaries with family members when they comment about my body or clothing? Our bodies are with us our entire lives, and they do a lot of things that we take for granted. If you want to continue this discus...
Jun 14, 2022•34 min
In this episode, I coach Lauren and address the question “How can I initiate difficult conversations with non-receptive parents?” Lauren wants to break the cycle of negative experiences she had as a child to protect her young daughter. During our time together we talk through how she can have these difficult conversations and advocate for herself if her parents are not immediately receptive to what she has to say. Part of transitioning to adulthood is claiming your life instead of existing to pl...
Jun 07, 2022•18 min
In this episode, I coach Suzy Holman and answer the question “How do we change judgment culture?” Suzie recently decided to stop wearing her garments and worries that the clothing she wears will lead others to think that she is no longer a safe space. Garments are a reminder of covenants made I. The temple. Culturally, they often give individuals a sense of trust among others of the same group, and she is grieving the loss of this automatic acceptance in her life. During our time together we tal...
May 31, 2022•29 min
In this episode, I coach Amanda and address the question, “Why is it hard for us to make a mutual decision about where to move?” Amanda and her husband have been practicing a partnership approach to their marriage, but sometimes she feels their decision-making power is still unevenly distributed. Amanda and I discuss ways she and her husband can decide who will take the decision-making lead in different situations. Instead of thinking about who has more power, I advise her to think of it this wa...
May 24, 2022•16 min
In this episode, I coach Jessica Frew of the Husband In Law Podcast and address the question, “How can I support my children in our blended family?” Jessica, her husband, and her ex husband have worked together to create an ecosystem of support and acceptance within their blended family, but some sensitive situations still arise. Jessica shares how she wants to encourage Church attendance without forcing her children or stepchildren to attend. We discuss how she and her husband get to set the ru...
May 17, 2022•23 min
In this bonus episode of the podcast, I have a very special guest: my daughter Madeline Hanks. We have a vulnerable conversation about Madeline’s decision to leave the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a teenager and how I reacted to her decision. We also tell the story of how we healed our relationship and the conversations that helped us grow closer together. This month in the DJH membership group we are continuing this conversation about healing mother-daughter relationships....
May 10, 2022•49 min
In this episode, I coach Chelsea and address the question, “How do I combat my need for control as a mother so I don’t hinder my child’s growth?” Chelsea is considering homeschooling her son but worries that this desire comes from a place of fear and control. As we talk it becomes clear that Chelsea is struggling not with a need for control but with unresolved abuse. I recommend that Chelsea attend therapy to help process what happened to her when she was a child. This will help her begin to app...
May 03, 2022•23 min
In this episode, I coach Ali and Andrew and address the question, “How can I support my partner when they are going through a difficult time?” Our conversation covers love languages, articulating emotional needs, tolerating others’ suffering, and more. I advise Ali and Andrew to remember that they are individuals with unique thoughts and feelings. Sometimes in a partnership it is hard not to adopt the other person’s feelings–to have good emotional boundaries. It is important to let your partner ...
Apr 26, 2022•31 min
In this episode, I coach Felicia and address the question “Why don’t I do the things I know would be good for me?” Even though she knows self care would help her feel less stressed, she has found herself utilizing avoidance tactics to manage her feelings. During our time together, Felicia and I discuss her current unmet needs because when parents are irritable, it’s often from a combination of high stress and low self care. I remind Felicia that taking care of herself makes her a better, healthi...
Apr 19, 2022•18 min
In this bonus episode, I meet with Rosie Card , owner and CEO of Q.Noor . We have a rich discussion about setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself in Church settings. Boundaries are tools to protect ourselves. Since you know yourself better than anyone else, you can know where you do and don’t need to set boundaries. People often worry that boundaries are bad or rude, but Rosie shares that this is simply not true. We all have limitations. You do not have to say yes to every calling...
Apr 12, 2022•53 min
In this episode, I coach Keslie and address the question “What do I do when my husband and I disagree about Church topics? Keslie’s husband is a traditional member of the Church while she is more nuanced in her beliefs. After experiencing a disagreement, Keslie is looking for strategies for finding middle ground. I tell Keslie that differences do not have to mean disconnection. Different views in a marriage are an excellent opportunity to practice differentiation of self. We also discuss how she...
Apr 05, 2022•17 min
