In this episode, I coach Ali and address the question, “How do I let go of others’ emotional burdens?” Ali remembers taking on others’ burdens from a very young age. She has come to feel that her value and identity are connected to helping other people carry their loads. She sometimes feels like a bad person when she has her own difficult burdens and emotions to work through. During our time together I help Ali see that it is important to process, talk about, and feel her emotions. Difficult emo...
Mar 29, 2022•24 min
In this episode, I coach Sarah and address the question, “How can I re-find joy in motherhood while balancing the demands of caregiving?” It was important to Sarah to be a stay-at-home mom when her children were little. Now that they are older, Sarah feels less fulfilled in this role and notices this is affecting her relationship with her kids. Sarah and I discuss how household chores and parenting are not synonymous. I suggest that Sarah sit down with her spouse, delegate household chores to ea...
Mar 22, 2022•20 min
In this episode, I coach Regan and address the question “How can I support my husband with his mental health struggles while also holding boundaries for my mental health?” Together we discuss partnership, mental health, supporting self and spouse, and how to talk to someone about getting therapy. Regan’s husband had a negative experience attending therapy and has been hesitant to return. I coach Regan through how to explain that her husband can better support his family by returning and attendin...
Mar 15, 2022•19 min
I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Sasha Piton (known on Instagram as @themormonhippie ) and have a conversation about claiming personal authority. Sasha shares her conversion story, answers audience questions, and talks about how she has learned to connect with God. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe in personal revelation. We believe that the prophets guide and direct the Church, but we as individuals are in charge of how we will learn, grow, and pr...
Mar 08, 2022•55 min
In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question "In a religion where families are everything, what if I don’t want a relationship with a sibling?” Heather shares that while she has forgiven her siblings, she doesn’t want to be around them after what they did. I reaffirm that she has every right to decide who she wants in her life. You can fully forgive someone and choose not to have a relationship with them. During this episode we also discuss that Heather is not responsible for the wa...
Mar 01, 2022•24 min
In this bonus podcast episode, I met with Sadie of Simply Sadie Jane . We spoke about how she has handled differences with family members in how she practices her faith and how she’s found tools of healing. While it can be uncomfortable for people to see you live your life differently than they live theirs, that doesn’t mean you cannot be true to yourself. Variety makes the world a beautiful place! During our time together Sadie shares how she has set loving boundaries with those around her and ...
Feb 22, 2022•44 min
In this episode, I coach Katelyn and address the question "How do I reconcile my faith with abuse done in the name of righteousness?" I tell Katelyn that she doesn’t have to reconcile bad things that other people have done. Those people were wrong, and the gospel can still be true. And you can still participate in it if you want to, even though there are broken people all around you. We also discuss personal authority and general authority. I help Katelyn see that not everything that is said by ...
Feb 15, 2022•30 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question "How can I stop seeking my family’s approval of my life decisions?" Melissa is ready to move forward with her life after a divorce, but she feels held back by the need to prove to her parents that she made the right choice. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Melissa through these feelings. They discuss that while it would be amazing to have, as an adult she no longer requires her parents’ approval. Melissa knows in he...
Feb 08, 2022•23 min
I recently had the opportunity to meet with writer, comedian, and producer Stacey Harkey. Many of you may know him from his time as an actor on Studio C. We spoke about something he is a shining example of: the unfolding process of how he discovered his purpose. During our time together, we dove into how Stacey discovered his purpose as a gay man. We discuss the importance of taking risks and how pain is a sign that you are growing. Stacey aso shares three ways that we can make the most of our l...
Feb 01, 2022•34 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melinda and addresses the question “How can my husband and I get on the same page about parenting our teen?” As their children get older, Melinda and her husband have encountered the new experiences that come with parenting teenagers. It is easy to become defensive when we have a disagreement. The key to avoiding defensiveness is often in how we speak to each other. Dr. Hanks talks to Melinda about ways she and her husband can do this and help their partn...
Jan 25, 2022•35 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Monica and addresses the question "How can I manage the guilt and fear I feel after my ectopic pregnancy?" Monica shares that she feels she should have mentally recovered from this trauma by now, and that sometimes she even blames herself for what happened. Dr. Hanks helps Monica see that she needs to practice radical self compassion on her journey. She invites Monica to remember that healing is not linear and that all of her feelings–even the difficult o...
Jan 18, 2022•27 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachel and addresses the question "How can I find the courage to have a baby when I am not sure I would be able to handle it?" Rachel expresses feeling she either has to be a good parent or be good at her career, and fears that she won’t be able to do both at the same time. During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares that having a baby will change her life, but her life won’t be over. She helps Rachel identify that if she is mindful, thoughtful, and plans well,...
Jan 11, 2022•30 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachelle and addresses the question "When is it appropriate for my personal agency to take precedence over my family's expectations?" Rachelle shares her family’s expectation that every member of the family attend church until they graduate high school, however, her middle child does not feel comfortable attending church. During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares her experience working with LGBTQIA LDS youth, and helps Rachelle explore the opportunity to reas...
Jan 04, 2022•25 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Blakelee and addresses the question "How can I talk with my spouse about my faith transition?" One of the patterns I’ve noticed when couples talk about faith transitions is we often lead with facts instead of feelings which can sometimes lead to our partner feeling defensive or shutting down. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Blakelee through how to focus on expressing her feelings about the church to her husband, and how she can acknowledge the pain ...
Dec 28, 2021•16 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches McKall and addresses the question “How can I grieve the loss of my baby while celebrating his life?” Grief and loss are hard, especially when saying hello and goodbye to someone at the same time. It is important to find support, seek counseling, gather with family and friends, and celebrate the life of your child. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides McKall through feelings of fear that once it’s not so painful to think about, she will not remember him a...
Dec 21, 2021•14 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I help my husband seek therapy to address his challenges?” We’re born wanting to connect with each other and we learn in early life whether the world is safe or not depending on how we’re treated in those early relationships. If we’ve had some pain that’s unresolved, we can block our desire for connection in order to survive. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through how to ask her husband to seek help t...
Dec 14, 2021•20 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lisa Valentine Clark, actor, author, and host of The Lisa Show , and addresses the question “How can I find the balance between honoring a person I’ve lost while moving forward to create new memories?” In this episode, Lisa talks about the grief she has felt with losing her husband to ALS, and the challenge she has faced wanting to honor his memory while learning how to move on to make new memories. Sometimes when moving forward after a loss, there’s a fe...
Dec 07, 2021•41 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lindsay and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my life as a single adult in the LDS church?” Lindsay shares that she joined the church in hopes of creating a family she didn’t have growing up, and as that hasn’t happened yet, she’s blaming herself. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Lindsay through her feelings of failure, of sadness and loneliness, and how her childhood experiences may be impacting how she feels about herself today. I...
Nov 30, 2021•26 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Whitney and addresses the question "How can I find and maintain long lasting friendships?" Friendships change and evolve, and that can be painful. It can be more painful when we have early experiences that tell us the story we are not valuable as a friend. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Whitney through how to challenge her thoughts and beliefs about being a valuable friend, including identifying what the behaviors would look like if Whitney believe...
Nov 23, 2021•23 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Amanda and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel anger when others tell me to forgive?” In the LDS church, we often misunderstand the feelings of anger and believe anger is bad or not Christlike. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Amanda through how feeling anger when we’ve been hurt helps us move forward, and how others often ask us to forgive and move on so they can move on. 5 Myths About Forgiveness To Forgive or Not To Forgive If y...
Nov 16, 2021•19 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Caitlin and addresses the question “How can I separate experiences with imperfect people in the church from my testimony of the Gospel?” Caitlin shares a personal experience illustrating the tension between external authority and internal authority, and how she came to own her authority. For many, it can be helpful to separate their relationship with the church from their relationship with their Heavenly Parents. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Cait...
Nov 09, 2021•17 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I maintain my own identity and beliefs in a mixed-faith relationship?” Sarah shares she recently dated a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and experienced a few challenges finding a compromise between their varied beliefs. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through ways she can keep her identity and beliefs while in a mixed-faith relationship. A mixed-faith relationship is about cr...
Nov 02, 2021•25 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elizabeth and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my decision to wear garments when I want to?” Elizabeth shares her struggle wearing garments as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and her concern about receiving negative comments or judgment from others for that choice. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Elizabeth’s concerns of her choice being misunderstood and teaches Elizabeth that any comments or judgme...
Oct 26, 2021•39 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Allison and addresses the question “How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?” Reducing the shame surrounding pornography is important, and in most communities in the world, this isn’t a problem. It is a problem because we make it a problem. Viewing pornography doesn’t mean anything about you, your values, or your worth as a person. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Allison’s experience and shares it is not your job to f...
Oct 19, 2021•24 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Kristinya and addresses the question “How do I resolve shame from my religious upbringing for being LGBTQ?” Kristinya shares how she has felt a conflict in her life between her identity as a member of the gay community and her identity as a member of the LDS church. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Kristinya’s experience as painful, real, and damaging. Many individuals Dr. Hanks has worked with have shared this same question and you are not alone....
Oct 12, 2021•26 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elle and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel vulnerable after childhood abuse?” Elle shares that she’s lost the ability to connect in life and to other people, with a big part of that due to experiencing childhood abuse, and is seeking guidance on how to break out of her shell. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Elle’s experience and talks about how it takes a lot of work to be able to live authentically and to not be fearful. A l...
Oct 05, 2021•24 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches KayJay and addresses the question “After cutting off my family, how do I stop worrying about their reaction?” Setting boundaries can be hard for anyone, but especially difficult for those who are self-defined “people pleasers.” During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides KayJay and shares that this is going to be an exercise in all the things she fears and how to tolerate that. Are people going to be mad at you when you distance yourself? Is it going to impact ...
Sep 28, 2021•18 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Shannon and addresses the question “How can I find peace and contentment in things that I can not change?” Living in a remote area of the country without family or social support can feel lonely. You can acknowledge the difficult situations you’re in and that it’s not what you expected, and that’s ok. You can be grateful and grieve. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Shannon working on accepting her reality and grieving her lost expectations. A good pl...
Sep 21, 2021•16 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Heather and addresses the question “How can I develop a sense of self without falling into perfectionism?” Individuals who grow up continually praised for their accomplishments can sometimes feel like they need to be doing something big and grand in order for an activity to be worth their time. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Heather by sharing that our performance and our worth are not connected in any way. A person’s worth is based on the fact tha...
Sep 14, 2021•17 min
In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question “How can I support my LGBTQ brother who recently came out, and support my parents who are heartbroken about it?” There’s some grieving that comes along with families shifting and changing. When this happens, the family won’t be the same. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Melissa that right now, people in her family are in a lot of pain, and that’s hard. This episode focuses on how we can nurture empathy within our...
Sep 07, 2021•24 min
