Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impacts of secrecy and isolation that define and often doom such relationships. What You'll Learn: The Reality of Affairs: Understand the statistical likel...
May 15, 2024•21 min•Season 2024Ep. 86
Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Essentials: Discover the art of effective communication, from active listening to avoiding common pitfalls like assumptions and passive aggression. Settin...
May 08, 2024•27 min•Season 2024Ep. 85
In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into how the unique challenges of the military lifestyle can impact personal relationships and communication, leading to profound isolation and unmet needs. Caz shares her personal journey through the aftermath of an affair, the painful but enlightening road to divorce, and the invaluable lessons learned about self-reflection and growth. Key Takeaways: ...
May 01, 2024•52 min•Season 2024Ep. 84
In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our relationships, especially in the context of infidelity. "Contemplating Infidelity" explores not just the actions that betray trust but the unseen thoughts that precede them. I examine the moral and emotional weight these thoughts carry, their influence on our relationships, and how understanding them can lead to deeper connection and healing. In This ...
Apr 24, 2024•22 min•Season 2024Ep. 83
In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound strength and resilience. Join me as I explore the universal truths that guide us through our most challenging times, offering insights and strategies to hel...
Apr 17, 2024•13 min•Season 2024Ep. 82
Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a deep dive episode where I explore the topic from both sides. Well worth a listen if I do say so myself! This complex topic is unpacked through personal stories and a thorough examination of the pros and cons of telling the AP's spouse. You will gain insight into the ramifications of such a decision, alternative healing paths, and how to move forward...
Apr 10, 2024•31 min•Season 2024Ep. 81
In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged questions faced by individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity: Should I contact the affair partner? This episode unpacks the myriad of emotions, potential outcomes, and ethical considerations surrounding the decision to reach out to the person involved with your partner. I aim to guide listeners through the pros and cons of initiating contact, o...
Apr 03, 2024•20 min•Season 2024Ep. 80
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelings by breaking them down into manageable parts, as well as the power of focusing on other areas of life to build resilience before facing the tough st...
Mar 27, 2024•21 min•Season 2024Ep. 79
Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore the tumultuous whirlwind of emotions that follow infidelity, the shared struggles and solidarity found in the company of others on similar paths, and...
Mar 20, 2024•17 min•Season 2024Ep. 78
Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode shines a light on the intensified patterns of self-doubt and narrative crafting that emerge when infidelity shatters the relationship, challenging you t...
Mar 13, 2024•12 min•Season 2024Ep. 77
Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy before embarking on new connections, and the importance of self-love and inner peace as the foundation for partnership. Uncover the detrimental effects of...
Mar 06, 2024•53 min•Season 2024Ep. 76
In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing journey, where we begin to reconstruct our lives and visions for the future. Step 5: Rebuilding Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships, in...
Feb 28, 2024•20 min•Season 2024Ep. 75
In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately, empowerment...
Feb 21, 2024•19 min•Season 2024Ep. 74
In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings. He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding. With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to misunderstandings in our closest relationships. Drawing on personal anecdotes and a down-to-earth approach, he challenges listeners to adopt an "empathy...
Feb 14, 2024•13 min•Season 2024Ep. 73
In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity. Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward. We delve into the complexities of betrayal, understanding the identity change experienced and the challenging concepts of desire and attachment in the aftermath of infidel...
Feb 07, 2024•50 min•Season 2024Ep. 72
In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity. Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential component for true reconciliation or if it's possible to find peace and understanding without it. Join me as we examine the nuances of rebuilding trust...
Jan 31, 2024•25 min•Season 2024Ep. 71
In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the...
Jan 24, 2024•17 min•Season 2024Ep. 70
Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a betrayal. It's not just about getting back in the saddle; it's about enjoying the ride and finding deeper connections along the way. In "Intimacy After...
Jan 17, 2024•56 min•Season 2024Ep. 69
Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for rewards and aversion to discomfort. Discover why betrayal feels so intensely painful and learn how this relates to the fundamental workings of our brain's r...
Jan 10, 2024•16 min•Season 2024Ep. 68
In "Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative," Join me Luke Shillings as I explore the transformative journey of redefining failure in relationships post-infidelity. This episode delves into the emotional stages of recovery, the power of effective communication, and turning painful experiences into opportunities for growth. I invite you to reframe your perspective on setbacks, embrace self-compassion, and find strength in your healing journey. Join me for an insightful exploration...
Jan 03, 2024•12 min•Season 2024Ep. 67
Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also offers encouragement and hope as we step into 2024. In This Episode: The Journey of 2023: Revisiting episodes like 'The Motivational Triad,' 'Confidence ...
Dec 27, 2023•5 min•Season 2023Ep. 66
"Choice or Obligation: Should I Stay or Leave After the Affair?" explores the heart-wrenching decision-making process in the aftermath of infidelity. Hosted by relationship coach Luke Shillings, this episode delves deep into the emotional turmoil faced by both betrayed and unfaithful partners. Are you feeling like every part of you is saying you should leave, yet you feel obligated to stay? You are not alone! Or perhaps you want to stay, but external messages from friends and family leave you fe...
Dec 20, 2023•29 min•Season 2023Ep. 65
We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped me in other areas. Drawing from my personal experience, I unravel the complexities of this challenging yet rewarding path. I share the power of journal...
Dec 13, 2023•24 min•Season 2023Ep. 64
Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal. In this episode, we explore the challenging yet essential process of self-reflection following an affair. Join me as I guide listeners through a series of insightful discussions and pe...
Dec 06, 2023•21 min•Season 2023Ep. 63
In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal. Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment. Join me as I explore the thinking behind why betrayed partners might experience obsessive thoughts like "Why did this happen to me?" or "I am not good enough," and how these thoughts impact...
Nov 29, 2023•23 min•Season 2023Ep. 62
"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation. We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are often skewed. This sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted nature of cheating. I break down the myth, questioning the fairness an...
Nov 22, 2023•19 min•Season 2023Ep. 61
Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal in a relationship. Discover the insidious nature of self-gaslighting, where victims of infidelity question their own reality, emotions, and sanity...
Nov 15, 2023•20 min•Season 2023Ep. 60
Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored? In "Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?", Join me as I provide not only a compassionate look into the emotional upheaval following infidelity but also share out-of-the-box...
Nov 08, 2023•26 min•Season 2023Ep. 59
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to safeguard your partnership, this episode offers invaluable insights tailored to your emotional makeup. Learn how to navigate recovery based on your att...
Nov 01, 2023•26 min•Season 2023Ep. 58
Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding. Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal. Whether you're struggling with the aftermath of an affair or searching for a deeper understanding of the complexities involved, the episodes dig deep into topics like 'The Cheat...
Nov 01, 2023•2 min
