On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more humbling than coming home to your mother screaming about parking prices. She's taking your calls on the Absolutely-Not-Line, and it seems like y'all are struggling to keep your shit together just like Heather. It's refreshing to know, that October is off to a hot mess and no one can fit in their jeans either. Right now, you can get $20 off your fi...
Oct 06, 2021•57 min•Ep. 121
Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening returning to the US after her Italian adventure. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely . Get free shipping on all water and merch at liquiddeath.com/absolutely. Or grab some at Whole Foods or 7-Eleven. Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY ...
Oct 01, 2021•49 min•Ep. 120
On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with being bamboozled with overpriced laundry and glass sculptures. Jeff joins in to justify the need to photograph everything and his observations on Italy’s rich culture. See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability. Go to Trades...
Sep 23, 2021•55 min•Ep. 119
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waiting for the hotel to kick her out once they realize she cannot actually afford this lifestyle. Jeff and Heather discuss the rose and thorn of their trip thus far and hopefully their marriage makes it to the next stop, Firenze. This episode was brought to you by Venus for Pubic Hair and Skin. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these p...
Sep 21, 2021•55 min•Ep. 118
On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on everything, MUST BE REAL NICE SHERYL, to blow up your own facebook with insanity. She's hitting the Absolutely Not line and its very clear y'all are rolling into fall on the hot mess express. Get more time back to *do you* and take care of yourself this summer! Go to DAILYHARVEST.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your fi...
Sep 15, 2021•53 min•Ep. 117
On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from the Hotline and giving you a hot safety tip reminder! Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely Get 10% off for first time users in when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY . See Old...
Sep 11, 2021•59 min•Ep. 116
Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild college memories. Buckle in for this one! Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual. I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout. Get 20% off your ...
Sep 01, 2021•49 min•Ep. 115
Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an LA masseuse (were looking at your Ruben). Buckle up for this wild ride! Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today. Birch is giving 200 dollars ...
Aug 29, 2021•54 min•Ep. 114
Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils of cat-fishing, why all Scottish men are hot and why women should really just lean the f*ck out. See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info ....
Aug 25, 2021•37 min•Ep. 113
Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl! This episode is brought to you by Venus. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info ....
Aug 21, 2021•41 min•Ep. 112
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a literal pig in shit to be telling jokes again. She's wrestling with a lil razorback aka all y'alls problems from the Hotline too! Shits getting wild, we got ladies suckin on bars of soap In Target! Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. Go to CheapCaribbean.com/Absolutely-Not to get a ...
Aug 18, 2021•43 min•Ep. 111
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idiot?", "Is the world ending?" ya know, light hearted life advice and such. She hits the Absolutely Not Line while shamelessly plugging her comedy tour she is desperate for you to come to. Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with...
Aug 11, 2021•59 min•Ep. 110
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one at the CDC knows what's going on and we apparently all need to freshen up on our Morris code, because a storm is -A-brewing! Go to CheapCaribbean.com/absolutely-not to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach. You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get ...
Aug 04, 2021•49 min•Ep. 109
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work environments and future goals. Go to dailyharvest.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box! I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code " ABSOLUTELY ” a...
Jul 28, 2021•55 min•Ep. 108
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to see that everyone else is doing as terrible as she is! Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling! Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code a...
Jul 21, 2021•53 min•Ep. 107
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have been up to. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code " ABSOLUTELY ” at checkout for 20% off of your order. Get 10% off your first Versed order when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY . Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your na...
Jul 14, 2021•53 min•Ep. 106
Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of y'all are coming in with an icy attitude. Heather hits the hotline and answers some of your questions and more. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off...
Jul 08, 2021•45 min•Ep. 105
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dating, and general fabulosity. Diva Red is dishing out a healthy dose of not fucking around, per usual. Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and ...
Jun 30, 2021•55 min•Ep. 104
On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Voicemail hot line, she finds out someone got their vagina scratch by a house cat and lube is on lock-up at da Walmarts. That and more! Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Get 10% off for first time users when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code...
Jun 23, 2021•55 min•Ep. 103
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sitting down with her attorney & sister, Ashley McMahan. They are catching up on the wild weekend's they both had. With sandy toes, full drinks and love in their hearts the girls hatch a plan to send their mother off for a sanity check so they can focus on their new shark tank idea. Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUT...
Jun 16, 2021•58 min•Ep. 102
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is literally coming out of the operating room and recording this whole podcast honestly, kinda high. No days off for this SHEMPIRE! lolzzz jk dont quote me. She is tackling your biggest absolutely not's yet, one voicemail at a time. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely . You’ll get $10 off your first purchase! You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. Th...
Jun 09, 2021•52 min•Ep. 101
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is on a downward spiral from injecting hormones like a Kardashian getting a BBL. When she is inspired by a caller to get in touch with her Floridian roots it sparks joy in her heart and inspires her to quit everything and become a DJ in Fort Myers. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show. Head over to NoDaysWaste...
Jun 02, 2021•58 min•Ep. 100
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is sweating through her linen short set, anxiously awaiting her second round of egg freezing & stresses AF about work. She is keeping herself chained to a radiator in the basement and needs someone to come bring her a self-care snack. Y'all don't seem to be doing much better by the sounds of these voicemails..... Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLU...
May 26, 2021•51 min•Ep. 99
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather recaps her girls weekend that felt like camp on a secret island. She has returned, sunburned, raspy and puffier than ever. Just as she is getting into the real meat of what happened this weekend, Chris Ketner jumps in the studio for an update on life in NYC and when is the tour happening.. and just wait, he's a vegan and wont shut up about it! Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handlin...
May 20, 2021•56 min•Ep. 98
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has friend and fellow bitchy podcaster, Jackie Schimmel in the house, literally, she's at Robin's. She brought her intern, Jennifer Lopez with her, fresh off the A-rod breakup. Its a wild ride and not to be missed! Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info ....
May 12, 2021•45 min•Ep. 97
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is breaking down her medical blunders and asking y'all why the hell you're living with regret. We are Live Laugh Loving our way through the Absolutely not line, and man are these voicemails good! Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com . Make sure to use the code ABS...
May 05, 2021•57 min•Ep. 96
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather updates you on her doozie of a medical issue and realizes that she isn't the "pillar of the fertility community" she thought she was. She is sweaty, hungry, pissed off and now more than ever just straight up confused. Go to GreenChef.com/90absolutely and use code 90absolutely to get $90 off including free shipping! Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a mini...
Apr 28, 2021•59 min•Ep. 95
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from the human growth hormone and trying to understand why everyone is being the worst and why no one buys her more gifts? Right. Ok. cool. Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix! Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order! ...
Apr 21, 2021•57 min•Ep. 94
On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to behave themselves. We're all wildly socially awkward and no one knows how to behave anymore. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely . Give your mom the most meaningful gift this Mother’s Day with StoryWorth. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely . You’ll get $10 off your firs...
Apr 15, 2021•57 min•Ep. 93
Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and how he is living his "gay ass truth". Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order! Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100! As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of...
Apr 07, 2021•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 92
