On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken tender with a side of sassy dont-give-a-F#ck ranch. She takes your voicemails and realizes y'all are pretty much in the same boat. Love and Light! Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order. Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% OFF your order Get started tod...
Mar 31, 2021•52 min•Ep. 91
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. There was leather, edibles, bootcut jeans and lots of questions. She also hits the hotline and tries to fix your problems one drunken message at a time. Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely . For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their o...
Mar 24, 2021•57 min•Ep. 91
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birthday and she is reporting live from the Turks and Caicos. RIGHT BY THE BEACH BOIIII. She is full of gratitude and rosé and a slight flicker of positivity. Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent off! Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order! Go to FunctionofB...
Mar 17, 2021•59 min•Ep. 90
Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend debauchery and breaking down the riveting Oprah interview. Heather is wildly concerned the Monarchy is coming for her so buckle up and get your beverages set! Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off PLUS free shipping! To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make s...
Mar 10, 2021•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 89
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is important but also almost impossible to keep up with. Her pants are tight, her skin is dry and vagina is gaping. Lots of Voicemails and self-indulgent things to discuss! Receive 25% off your entire first purchase of Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Treat yourself to ultimate co...
Mar 03, 2021•53 min•Ep. 88
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’t fucking around with weather shaming, COVID shaming or grandma shaming. ITS ENOUGH. She's also getting back into the swing of things, quite literally, playing Golf again and thrilled she made some new friends on the links. That and more! Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order. Right...
Feb 24, 2021•53 min•Ep. 87
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and who better to answer your relationship questions than Tony Soprano himself. Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on Olipop's best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout to claim this deal. Go to FunctionofBeauty. com/absolutely to tak...
Feb 17, 2021•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 86
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is about to lose her shit with EVERYONE and clearly y'all are on the same wavelength. The voicemail line is buzzing with bullshit and Heather is here to help you wade through it. Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Order the new Bomb Bars online at www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY. To match with ...
Feb 10, 2021•56 min•Ep. 85
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down what's been happening these past two weeks. It's a RAW AND REAL episode full of zero medical advice, lots of sweating and saying the F* word as many times as humanly possible. If you hate honesty, keep scrolling. Check out Olipop and receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on their best selling variety pack. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout to claim this deal. Go check out their website at www.us...
Feb 03, 2021•57 min•Ep. 84
Ask and you shall receive! This week, Heather is responding to YOUR voicemails on the Absolutely Not Line. Buckle up, hunker down and get ready to laugh your tush off! Check out Olipop and get 20% off PLUS Free Shipping on their best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout to claim this deal. For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on spanx....
Jan 27, 2021•58 min•Ep. 83
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is chatting with her sister, the GA Law Lady about vax'n their mom, basic childhood trauma and finding their inner animal. Ashley is pissed her episode got basically erased last time they recorded so she is coming in extra hot with that fiery attorney energy. This episode is honestly so sisterly silly, so good to luck to ya. Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 25% off and free shipping! To match ...
Jan 20, 2021•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 82
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in the world and is trying to give you sage advice even though her asshole is clenched tighter than a cocaine smuggler from the 80's. The vibe is tense but the jokes are flowing, we've got voicemails and more! Go to www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY. Go check out www.usualwines.com and use my discount co...
Jan 13, 2021•55 min•Ep. 81
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather sits down with her favorite comedian and BFF Benny Drama to discuss their major glow-ups. Benny is the king of impressions and he gives Heather the in's and outs of who hates him and which Kardashian is on board. lol. He's hilarious and keeps things raw and real! You deserve to know what’s in your multivitamin. That’s why Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today...
Jan 06, 2021•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 80
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is majorly concerned with Kate Winslet's wellbeing and whereabouts. She answers your insane End of the Year Voicemails and has a slight bit of optimism for the new year... just a tiny bit. Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10 , and use promo code absolutely10 . For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more! Go to getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extr...
Dec 30, 2020•1 hr•Ep. 79
Heather is joined by Arielle Lorre, host of The Blonde Files Podcast to talk all things self care, motivation, wellness and how she overcame personal challenges to get to where she is today. She is also a plastic surgery and beauty guru and answers every question you could possibly have about keeping it right and tight! To check out all my Spanx picks and for 10% off your order plus free shipping and returns, visit spanx.com/absolutely. Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never befo...
Dec 23, 2020•55 min•Ep. 78
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews dear friend, host of The Bitch Bible Podcast and CYA next Tuesday companion, Jackie Schimmel. And trust and believe they are throwing everyone under the bus. They have no time for your holiday sympathy but are fully expecting you to show up to their funerals looking FRESH AF! That and more! Head over to www.blenderbombs.com and use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order. Go to Brooklinen.com and use prom...
Dec 16, 2020•56 min•Ep. 77
Heather Sits down with one of her oldest and dearest Delta Gamma sisters, Elizabeth Howard, to discuss the trials and tribulations of online dating with her single sister. SHE IS APPALLED and shocked to find out that men will message you wanting to know about your dental work. NOT OK. They discuss surviving life in college and trying to make it out of 2020 alive! Go to Framebridge.com and use promo code to save an additional 15% off your first order. Give your loved ones the gift of spending tim...
Dec 09, 2020•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 76
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the age old question.... "Why exactly does Jeff sleep with tape on his mouth AND still works in New York?" We survived Thanksgiving by the skin on our Turkey Trails and it's clear by the Voicemails that y'all aren't doing so hot either. Someone's lost a leg, others are getting bamboozled.... it's a shit show. That and more! Get 30% off your order and free shipping in the US by heading over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY30 and use ...
Dec 02, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 75
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews fellow comedian, Casey Balsham of the SHADY SHIT podcast! Casey is literally looking for her loose tooth while bitching about what a fucking whirlwind of a year its been. From cancelled weddings, trying to get pregnant and generally fatigue these two ding dongs are bitching about it together! Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTLEY for 30% off plus free shippi...
Nov 25, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 74
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sweating through her shirt dealing with one technological meltdown after another. Sis can't catch a break! I mean what are we even doing anymore? It's almost Thanksgiving, which means everything is just a full blown shit show, but thats ok, because were gonna make it after all..... or after visiting the Oasis, Goodtime Emporium. To check out all my Spanx picks and for 10% off your order plus free shipping and returns, visit spanx.com/abso...
Nov 18, 2020•59 min•Ep. 73
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her friend, Christopher Ketner on some raw dog topics of how their bullshit threshold is at an all time low. America has spoken and the wild DM's have begun. Heather and Chris make a pact to get "heart healthy" because their pants split while woofing down spinach dip at dinner tonight... they are ready for a lifestyle change.... sort of. Go to Framebridge.com and use promo code to save an additional 15% off your first order. Go to...
Nov 11, 2020•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 72
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a cool comedy experience that is literally giving her a will to live. There is a light at the end of this 2020 tunnel, even if it means we will one-day be back in a nightclub, shitting our pants from Red Bull vodkas... A Girl can dream can't she? The Voicemails are WILD this week, and the tensions are running high... but were all in this together.... whether we like it or not. Go to purple.com/absolutely10 and use promo code ABSOLUTEL...
Nov 04, 2020•57 min•Ep. 71
Heather sits down with Big Red and the Georgia Law Lady, also known as her mom and sister for a deep dive into internet scammers and the hot mess that is 2020. As usual, Robin is serving all the sass and Ashley is serving all the facts! Thank you to our sponsors: Spanx - Get 10% off your order at spanx.com/absolutely or use code " absolutely " at checkout. Go Macro - Get 30% plus free shipping on orders over $50 by going to gomacro.com and using promo code " absolutely " at checkout. Purple Matt...
Oct 28, 2020•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 70
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews a true acting icon and apparently the podcast's biggest fan, Jennifer Lawrence. Yes, you read that right, JLAW. The two discuss life in the biz, Heather's lack of winning awards, and overall classic bullshit, in the humblest way possible. Heather essentially sweats through her shirt while getting a masterclass in everything Hollywood. This episode is a refreshing reminder that we're all gonna be ok, as long as we don't run out of ...
Oct 21, 2020•51 min•Ep. 69
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is in her last week of Canada Glory. She has become a local, eating the fish, wearing the beanies and blasting Avril Lavigne at the top of her lungs. She is helping you figure out the hard hitting life concerns you're all thinking but dont have the chutzpah to say. It's ok, she will do it for you. She's coming to ya live from Vancouver in a ROOTS sweatsuit that she paid way too much for. That and more! Go to blenderbombs.com and use code ABS...
Oct 15, 2020•51 min•Ep. 68
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is revved up after a wild tweet that sent her into a tailspin of laughter, confusion and sadness. She is also recapping her favorite new "escape show" Emily in Paris, which reminded her of her wild Study-Abroad experience. She's taking your insane calls on the Absolutely Not like and trying to give you the unsolicited life advice you never knew you needed! Get 20% off your order of DHM Detox and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoD...
Oct 07, 2020•55 min•Ep. 67
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather uncovers some uncomfortable truths about herself and gives you a full rundown of her last week locked up. She's made a list and she's checking it twice of all the shit she has to try and fix in the world before 2021 gets here. She has a lot of "associations" to call starting with the BAR, Not legally speaking, like someone who just owns a bunch of bars.... just listen to the episode and you'll get it. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy ...
Sep 30, 2020•47 min•Ep. 66
Heather is on the brink of a full blown meltdown coming to ya live from a new state-sanctioned Quarantine north of the border in Canada. She's in town for work and they legit sent her to her room and threw away the key. Tensions are high between she and the microwave, that bitch has been getting too mouthy this week. Heather is spiraling and taking your insane calls! Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus f...
Sep 23, 2020•49 min•Ep. 65
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's dear friend, Andrew Collin, is here to bitch and swindle his way back into our hearts. He's still single and apparently getting "ripped" in quarantine.... not drunk, like in shape... again we don't know what that is like. These two talk about missing the road life, their past discrepancies and honestly try to figure out how they can better themselves in 2020, and really it shouldn't take a lot. Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find...
Sep 16, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 64
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has hit her September shit show wall and is literally stuck under a trundle-bed of emotion. She is pulling out ALL OF THE FEELINGS from 2020 into one solid cathartic shitshow of a podcast. The VoiceMails are dumber than ever, but it does make her feel better to know that y'all are equally as fucked up as she is. We gotta do a wellness check on a lot of you, hussies cause Fall came fast and we are NOT READY. Visit taoclean.com/absolutely to g...
Sep 09, 2020•53 min•Ep. 62
