12. Master Your Imposter Syndrome

mastering imposter syndrome. But before we talk about that I just want to remind you all please consider subscribing to the podcast. You can do that by following the podcast on whichever platform you are listening to. And that will just help you keep up to date really with future episodes that we release. Also, we do encourage you to stick around to the end to listen to our little kicker, which we feel is something you can take away from each episode. And last week, our little kick out was a challenge about trying to change your negative thought processes. So we hope you've got a really really well with that. And we hope that you'll stick around for our little kicker this week.

Okay, so a lot of you on here know that I edit the podcast and have a tendency really when I meditate to think about the negatives of the episode so often about my voice or something that I've said wrong or whatever. And one of the recent episodes that I was editing I thought I'm going to I'm just going to have to message Charlotte and say to show you know this episode is all for we need to redo it again and I thought you know what, no, I need to stop doing this. Let me stop this negative thoughts in his tracks right now. Nothing has to be perfect. I don't need to keep doing this. It just wastes a lot of time. So I was able to sort of stop that negative thought and think actually let me carry on Let's keep doing this and see how I feel about it and in the end episode actually turned out to be okay actually. I thought I'm quote unquote proud of myself that I was able to do that because it's something that I could easily spiral into a pit of negativity pattern so show offs work by mine. What about you if you had any negative spirals and stopped yourself this week? I

might minds a bit more small examples bit more superficial. So mine is to do with my parents. And I've been toying for ages with getting a pair of dungarees. I really like the way they look on like the models and stuff. I haven't haven't owned any since I was a child. And I've just really been holding back thinking like oh, I don't really know they they suit my chubby mummy body. And that's a really negative thoughts. So this week I find this silence that voice and got myself a pair of dungarees and I love them. You know I probably don't look as I mean I definitely don't look as good as the models. But you know what, they're comfy and I'm happy I'm wearing them right now. And they're doing amazing Android so

Also, when we talk about imposter syndrome can be things like I'm not getting this so I'm clearly terrible at or nerve it's not perfect, then it's not valid. And if I can't do it, then you know, is this really for me? You know, there's so many different things. It's only a matter of time before someone finds out that I'm a fraud and imposter syndrome can also be drawn to inclusion. It's sort of like black and white thinking. So things such as I'm not getting this so I'm clearly terrible at it. And if it's not perfect, then there's no point it's not valid. If I can't do it, then is it really worth it isn't really real things like it's only a matter of time before someone finds out. I'm a fraud, all the things like you know, if if I was really good at this, I should be crushing it and I'm not. So what's the point? That's what we do. And when we talk when we think about this black and white thinking we're actually thinking that we're an imposter because we've got these two opposing views, but there's so opposite each other. So it's black and white. And it

fraud Do you know what I felt like a fraud all the time? And it's horrible saying it because it makes it sound like I'm being fake and that's not what I mean here. It's not like all I'm going to be discovered is like a fraud. It's and it's a little bit more intense than that. I just underplay everything because I don't want to be seen as someone that's not good enough. So an example that I have this week is, I mean, I get messages all the time being a photographer, can you can you do this? Can you do that? Can you can you photograph this, but one example that really sticks out to me is I had somebody message me about photographing their wedding, and obviously I knew this person. And they asked me to photograph their wedding and I was like, oh, no, no. Why they asked me to do this because I can't do this. Like I know these people, whatever all goes wrong, like maybe I should find somebody else, you know, and they're like, oh, you know, I really love your work. You like it, but you're just saying that because you know me like, it's not true. I didn't want to admit to them that I didn't feel like I was capable of photographing their wedding. I mean, it's quite bad really. When you think there's a level of pressure

I mean, definitely for me work as well. So I constantly question my knowledge, whether I know enough whether I whether someone knows more than me on a particular topic, and then my work involves quite a lot of academic achievements. But it's been a long time since I did any sort of coursework or exams, getting on for about five, six years since I lasted any coursework or exams, but I still sometimes in periods of stress will have teams where I wake up and I feel this like clutching panic that I've forgotten to handle an assignment or that I've missing a deadline about about an assignment. I haven't had an assignment to hand in for about five years. But I still have that sort of worry that I'm missing something and one day someone will realise that I have got no idea what I'm talking about.

sounds crazy, though. It doesn't mean the fact that this this sort of imposter syndrome can affect you to that level where it's you're having dreams about it and you're waking up thinking that you've you've missed modules and things like it doesn't matter what's going on in your life. Whether it's work, whether it's relationships or something else, the fact that it can affect you this way, is incredible. Really not. Not in a an incredible way you know, but it's incredible that affects you this way. And you know, if you look at all of the areas, you know, I think all the time all my successes are flukes or I've got a new project to do and then this project will be a disaster and then oh, okay, finish the project. It wasn't that much of a disaster and then that's been crap. I've got a new project to do and it just starts all over again, like a cycle.

there's more pressure. There haven't been there's more. There's more. There's a lot of pressure. I think it's because there's a lot more pressure there for you. Everyone is listening to you as the expert whereas when you're a bit of a junior, and I'll say this from like, when I've been in roles as well, where you don't take on that much responsibility as much responsibility. You kind of feel like, oh, you know, everyone knows that I'm not senior, everyone knows that I don't have all the answers so it's fine to sort of like fail a little bit more of a think like that.

Yeah, and like you just sit there thinking like, I don't know that this is me. Anyway, look I'm a crazy awkward mess of a person who tries really hard to impress people but I've got zero talent. So what I thought you were talking about me that I think that could describe you know what, if you actually think about it, other people probably think that you're pretty cool. That's why they're asking for your advice, but you just don't see that way. You just think of it as like, why are you asking me? I don't know the answer to that. Somebody else is an expert because I'm no expert. But really deep down. You are an expert in your field in just many different ways. And I think it's really funny. How when you look at imposter syndrome, how, how easy it is to spiral down that slope, you know, a simple little thing like, can I speak to you in my office and it could be that you're at work and they're going to tell you something positive? But in your mind, it's like, oh, no, no, I'm getting fired, which is a negative. That's that's a negative thought pattern. And then you start thinking, they realised it was a mistake to hire me. You know, maybe they've started to realise I'm a mistake. And then they'll say something like, oh, Sparky, you know, you're doing a really great job and I'm gonna give you a raise, and then you're like, oh, no, really, I'm getting a raise like, that means more days till they realise I'm a mistake. And all the great that means you're expecting me to be better. You know, and it's like, it goes that one step above negative thoughts because negative thoughts is, oh, no, I'm getting fired. And then, oh, no, I'm not getting fired. Whereas this one, it creeps in like an imposter. It's like, Oh, no. I'm not getting fired. But now it's going to be even worse, because now I've got more time to prove

Could have been the one that made me laugh? And he's like you were saying earlier, compliments as well. You know, we get compliments and how we look and I get this all the time. People just say to me, just take compliment, please just take the compliment. Because it doesn't matter what happens in my life. If anybody gives me a compliment. I won't ever agree with them and if I do agree with them I'm just agreeing with them to humour them. Because I think that they're lying or, you know, or they just been nice or, you know, their family members. They've got to say, oh, yeah, down. You know, we say that or they're strangers. Of course, it's saying that because they don't really know me you know what I mean? So you can't win. It's just it's a spiral. Sorry, I'm going on a bit now. So we should probably talk about the science bit so I leave this part of the show because as you know, she loves the science part and I love hearing it as well. So over to you I do I do

don't my science. So the signs bit today sort of links in a little bit with what I was saying earlier about. The higher you are, the more pressure you have on yourself. Sometimes the worse imposter syndrome can be. So we'll link to this study in the show notes. But it's basically looking at conditions different levels in their career. And what they found is it's not just underperforming or failing conditions who struggle and require support. self doubt affects all conditions at all career stages. So I think that's really important because, you know, sometimes you can look at people who are much higher above you and think are they've got it all together. They know everything there, you know, must be so nice to be in that space, but actually, they're probably experiencing the same doubts and worry. They've just maybe learned to cope with it better or hide it a bit better, but everybody has those same doubts. So I thought that was was was really poignant that study. So it's a

great study there because it shows that even the most successful people in their areas struggle with this as well and it's a great comfort to know that you know, other people do feel this way too. So now let's go on to how to deal with this. And the first one we've got for you this week is to recognise that you will always feel uncomfortable starting something new and pushing your boundaries you're always going to feel uncomfortable whenever you start something new. And I think I spoke about this before, about driving and how when you get into the car, you know, you're never just going to pull off and be a good driver. It takes a process to learn stuff. So when you look at it from that perspective, it does take time for you to learn things. So you're thinking I'm a fraud, you're not a fraud. You just haven't done it before. You just need to realise that it takes time and it takes practice. You need to go through that process to be able to know everything and even when you do get to that stage, you still might not know everything. So you just need to remember that every winner was once a beginner, why do i Oh, why do we always take the long way around explaining something? Just never go from like, from A to B from the conversation? It's like a really long winded

that's imposter syndrome. You'd be great at monologues. Oh, you already do it anyway. Okay, so the second point that we've got is to check your environment. So women and especially women of colour, are more likely to feel imposter syndrome. This isn't due to any inherent weakness, but due to micro aggressions and fewer professional role models. It's hopefully something that's changing more and more over time, but if you're suddenly having these feelings at work that you've not had before, it's worth considering if your workplace environment is playing a role. And don't underestimate how much a toxic workplace can have an impact on your mental health and your self confidence. And the final thing that we've got is do you control your inner critic. So really at its basic all imposter syndrome is your inner critic out of control making you doubt yourself and your abilities. So if you haven't already, I'd really encourage you to go back and listen to episode nine to 11 for ways to control your inner dialogue, it is something that we keep coming back to time and time again in the podcast, the things that you say to yourself in your inner dialogue, you would never say to someone else. And when you're faced with that harsh critique day after day after day, that is going to weigh you down and make you start believing things that aren't true.

So if you do feel like you're somebody who when someone says that you're doing a good job you question what your question why? you question yourself question. Have you met me? You question your reality, and you think things like, oh, maybe they're just trying to be nice, maybe they don't really understand me, maybe they'll find me out to be a fraud. Maybe at one point all this is going to come crashing down and people gonna realise who I really am. Then you probably are suffering from imposter syndrome. And we really do hope that some of these tips can really help you. So now it's on to our little kicker this week, which I'm excited for because I love the little kicker at the end. And we do the little kicker every week because you want to make sure that you're taking something away from the podcast. And we tried to choose things like challenges and quotes that are going to leave you with a little thought. So this week, we've got a little quote Haven't we shall because we did the challenge last week, so we want to just mix it up a little bit.

So this week, we've got a quote from Michelle Obama. And the reason that I've picked this one is to really hammer home imposter syndrome affects everybody. So her quote is, I still have a little imposter syndrome. It doesn't go away that feeling that you shouldn't take me seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities about our power and what that power is I think it's just so comforting to know that a woman in such a high level position can still have doubts in her own ability. And it makes me feel more valid in my own fears and doubts as well. So I'll leave you with that this week.