Can someone change even after they've done something terrible to you?
They did the worst thing imaginable and now want you to stay in their life. Is it possible they can change? Should you give them a chance?
Jun 25, 2025•42 min•Ep. 144
Love and Abuse
Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of bad behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse gives you the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage.
You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.
Transcripts available upon request: https://loveandabuse.com/contact/
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Episodes
You being the center of their attention is most of the problem
What does it take for an abusive person to change? A whole lot (if they even want to change), but this one component of healing is often one of the hardest for them to stop. Their consistent focus on you can make their healing and change much more difficult, let alone having no time and space to heal yourself.
May 27, 2025•32 min•Ep. 143
When someone wants to change who you are
The one-off difficulties in relationships are perfectly normal for everyone. They're not welcome, necessarily, but normal. But what happens when the "one-offs" become systemic? What happens when they are non-stop? That's when changes are inevitable.
May 20, 2025•35 min•Ep. 142
The empty threats that keep the abuse cycle alive
When they threaten to leave or take something away from you, but they never follow through, expect them to repeat that behavior indefinitely. Empty threats are effective on those who fear them coming true. There is a way to stop the empty threats (but you probably won't like it).
Apr 30, 2025•33 min•Ep. 141
Trying to figure out who the emotionally abusive person really is in the relationship
You'd think it'd be easy to figure out: The hurtful one is the abusive one. But what happens when the victim gets convinced they are the abuser? Determining that while in the abuse cycle can sometimes be very difficult. However, I make it very clear in this episode.
Apr 15, 2025•42 min•Ep. 140
When a relationship is not a relationship
"Everything's great with me," they say, as you sit there staring, confused, wondering what the hell you're missing because you're having a completely different experience as them. When is a relationship not an actual relationship anymore?
Mar 26, 2025•25 min•Ep. 139
Don't lock yourself into a worse situation
When you get into an emotionally abusive relationship, you have no idea what you're walking into. When you figure it out, you might have to make some tough choices. One of those choices might lead to getting deeper into something you know is bad for you.
Mar 12, 2025•32 min•Ep. 138
Why abusive people need to maintain power and control over you
Some people just won't stop being hurtful. Why won't they stop? Are they just terrible people we have to accept and move on? Power and control is their M.O. and it's important you know why. For some there is hope. For others, well, it may take a lot more than hope to see change. https://loveandabuse.com
Feb 21, 2025•43 min•Ep. 137
Those who hurt you have poor coping skills so give them a break... right?
Hurt people hurt people, so we should have compassion when they hurt us, right? You know the answer and I know the answer. How does the person who is hurting you start to change and heal, though? Lots to unpack here.
Feb 05, 2025•44 min•Ep. 136
The gradual shift from who you were to who you became in the emotionally abusive relationship
The person you were before the difficult relationship almost always looks and feels different than the person you became while in the difficult relationship. And losing that part of yourself may make you think there's no way back. Sometimes, you can't even remember who you used to be.
Jan 29, 2025•49 min•Ep. 135
The growing resentment that can build when their hurtful behaviors never end
When someone keeps hurting you, you might blame yourself and think if you were only better, they'd stop. But as their hurtful behavior continues, resentment builds and you start questioning everything about yourself.
Jan 08, 2025•48 min•Ep. 134
Are you the reason someone is hurtful to you?
What is the cause of mistreatment in a relationship? Do you think it's possible you are reason someone is hurting you or trying to change you? If so, you need to listen to this episode. There are many reasons this is happening, but...
Dec 11, 2024•30 min•Ep. 133
When someone destroys what makes you happy
What do you do when someone shatters something that brought you joy? In this episode, I talk about understanding your limits in relationships and recognizing when resilience becomes a liability rather than a strength. It's important you know how to navigate toward making the right decisions for you and those you love.
Nov 26, 2024•27 min•Ep. 132
What makes taking a break from the relationship work?
Is there a path out of being stuck in the whirlwind of a toxic relationship? Maybe taking a step back and out of the situation a while will help you gain clarity and reconnect with yourself. What happens when you never get away from the toxicity, though? Can you ever get a clear mind?
Nov 12, 2024•43 min•Ep. 131
When you can barely take care of yourself let alone give them what they want
What if you're doing all you can to maintain your own health and well-being but you have someone in your life who a consistent drain on your mental and emotional health? Can you rebuild your energy or do you have to accept that it may never stop and you may have to make tougher choices about the relationship?
Sep 20, 2024•41 min•Ep. 130
When they shower you with love after they've done bad behavior
How can you tell if your partner’s affection is genuine or a manipulation tactic? Love bombing usually takes place at the beginning of a relationship to create a strong bond between an abusive person and their victim. But it can also be used to get away with bad behavior in long-term relationships as well.
Aug 22, 2024•50 min•Ep. 129
When you decide enough is enough - the first step isn't the last
The victim of abusive behavior will eventually reach their breaking point. In that moment, they finally feel like they can take their life back. But they may still not be out of the woods yet during the transition from victim to empowered.
Jul 13, 2024•18 min•Ep. 128
What change really looks like when the emotional abuser heals
The healed former emotional abuser looks a lot different than the person they used to be. If you've ever accepted a hurtful person back into your life after they said they've changed but notice after a short while that their old behaviors are creeping back in, you might have missed an important clue that they haven't changed at all.
Jun 06, 2024•39 min•Ep. 127
Feeling discarded when they leave the relationship
Why does it seem so easy for some people to leave a relationship, get into another one, and act as if the one they were in didn't mean anything? If you've felt discarded and can't stop thinking about what you did wrong, this episode is a good reminder of everything you were doing right.
May 22, 2024•31 min•Ep. 126
When the emotional abuser reaches back out after they've healed and changed
When the emotional abuser apologizes and tries to make amends with their ex-partner after they've done a lot of personal growth and development, should they expect a response from their ex? Is that expecting too much? Or is it time for all to move on and start anew?
Apr 25, 2024•25 min•Ep. 125
Time with yourself is not only necessary, its required
You give, you adapt, and you change who you are almost to your very core... to what end? When you are overly compassionate to others, you might actually be taking away from yourself. This is as harmful to your mind as a lack of sleep is to your body.
Apr 15, 2024•29 min•Ep. 124
Emotionally abusive behavior is also physically painful
Victims of emotional abuse can experience physical pain from all the trauma, potentially leading to increased tolerance and resilience of harm. They can gradually lose their identity due to the abuser’s actions, becoming a shell of their former selves.
Mar 27, 2024•20 min•Ep. 123
When the good you do for them leads nowhere
Some emotionally abusive people don't change, no matter how much the victim of their hurtful behavior changes for them. Is there ever a point where they will be the person you want them to be? Or does anything you do really matter at all?
Mar 22, 2024•22 min•Ep. 122
A clever manipulation tactic that makes you believe you are the problem
There's a clever manipulation that can happen in some emotionally abusive relationships. It starts with superficial kindness and vague promises and leads to blameshifting and avoiding true accountability. This very subtle form of gaslighting will drive you crazy. I'll share with you how to spot it.
Mar 02, 2024•23 min•Ep. 121
When you think you're strong enough to get back into the difficult relationship
When you reach your breaking point with someone, you might make the decision to leave. During that time, you can regain your confidence and feel your power again. You might even decide to give the relationship a second chance, knowing that if you see any warning signs, you can address them right away. That is until you are once again coerced into staying in a situation that seems destined to go down the exact same path as before. Now what?
Feb 22, 2024•28 min•Ep. 120
How emotional abuse can enter your life like an infection
Sometimes, you can't see the red flags before you're hurt. Emotional abuse can be like an infection that enters your body. You may not know it's there until a lot of time has passed, and you've invested a lot into the relationship. In this episode, I share how emotional abuse acts like an infection entering your body and mind and help you understand the environment in which such an emotional infection thrives.
Feb 14, 2024•25 min•Ep. 119
If you don't know your limits, you wont have any
It can be hard to draw a line in a toxic relationship. Don't make your emotional resilience a prison of your own making. Your personal boundaries are there for a reason. Often, the only way things will change is if you do something because they won't
Jan 05, 2024•33 min•Ep. 118
When they go silent and emotionally disconnect from you
When the emotionally abusive person goes silent in order to make you feel guilty and give them the attention they want, do they have a deeper motive of self-preservation? When abusers use silence to control you, there's a lot going on under the hood. In this episode, I share my personal history of using the silent treatment to control the people I claimed to love.
Nov 29, 2023•35 min•Ep. 117
Should you give in to their perception of you?
Some people are so wrapped up in their need to control you that they completely overlook your worth and importance. They can be so busy keeping you focused on yourself and everything you're doing "wrong," that you might actually start to believe what they're saying about you.
Nov 23, 2023•37 min•Ep. 116
Their past trauma and abuse isn't the immediate issue in the relationship
The emotionally abusive person can have a traumatic past. Their abusive behaviors can have an abusive origin. Is it better to help them address their past to stop their behaviors toward you? It's an important question that you should definitely want to know the answer to.
Nov 03, 2023•32 min•Ep. 115
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