Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these te...
Mar 11, 2025•54 min•Ep 379•Transcript available on Metacast Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling —when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers...
Mar 04, 2025•21 min•Ep 378•Transcript available on Metacast Our child's whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. "Instead of playing with the entire Toys R Us we have in our home, she whines about the things she wants, and seriously, I'm going to lose my mind." Janet offers a perspective she hopes wi...
Feb 25, 2025•25 min•Ep 377•Transcript available on Metacast A parent writes to Janet that she's alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that's developed between her and her 4-year-old son, "a very sweet, genuine, kind little person," due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she's tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from her and her partner. The boy also makes threats like, "I'm going to punch you," sometimes following through. This mom suspects that two situations may be causi...
Feb 18, 2025•27 min•Ep 376•Transcript available on Metacast Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote "respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult." Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in this episode to discuss the innumerable, proven benefits of allowing babies to develop their motor skills naturally. These benefits inc...
Feb 11, 2025•39 min•Ep 375•Transcript available on Metacast Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler's insistence on doing it himself, and another child's seemingly constant need for a parent's validation can all be seen (and approached far more effectively!) as strengths. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Cou...
Feb 04, 2025•25 min•Ep 374•Transcript available on Metacast Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she's struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the issue and suggests a new approach for her to try. Surprisingly, the solution they come up with is not stricter enforcement, but just the opposite. Learn more abou...
Jan 28, 2025•27 min•Ep 373•Transcript available on Metacast A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a whil...
Jan 21, 2025•30 min•Ep 372•Transcript available on Metacast Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids' persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they've tried just don't seem to be working. "... I am constantly getting at my child, telling her 'No, stop that, not so close,' etc., and after a while I get incredibly frustrated as I just need my personal space." "My two year ...
Jan 14, 2025•27 min•Ep 371•Transcript available on Metacast Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there's a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it's the little bit of empathy we felt as we limited one of our child's bothersome behaviors. Or a momentary sense of confidence in ourselves as leaders rising above the fray. Or the realization that we could, just th...
Jan 07, 2025•24 min•Ep 370•Transcript available on Metacast Janet responds to a question from a caregiver who says the family she works for is interested in teaching their son ABC's and other lessons. The child is sometimes disinterested and refuses to participate, and she wonders: “Is there a respectful approach to teaching children?” Janet responds with an alternative perspective on early childhood learning that focuses on providing the best foundation possible for children to develop their innate abilities and a lifelong love of learning. This is an e...
Dec 31, 2024•20 min•Ep 369•Transcript available on Metacast In this encore episode, a mom is at her wit's end and describes a series of challenging family separations and transitions, including the birth of a sibling. Now one of her twins yells and screams from morning until night. The other twin is defiant and “is always telling me ‘no’ and doing things he knows he’s not supposed to be doing.” This mom says their behavior is so extreme she spends most of the day in tears, feeling like a failure, and then ends up yelling. She’s looking for Janet’s advice...
Dec 24, 2024•20 min•Ep 368•Transcript available on Metacast Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which seeks to reimagine parenthood as a pause or “downshift" and an opportunity to find our passions. Through Mother Untitled, Neha connects...
Dec 17, 2024•35 min•Ep 367•Transcript available on Metacast Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn't the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we're mystified as to what's gotten into them), that they need us to be their confident, empathic leader—a role that doesn't always come naturally. In this episode, Janet shares a shortlist of simple reminders for making setting limits with our ...
Dec 10, 2024•30 min•Ep 366•Transcript available on Metacast By now, we’ve all heard that Step One for effectively addressing our kids' behaviors and emotional storms is to first calm ourselves. Sounds simple, but as Janet has often shared, she believes this to be the biggest challenge we as parents face. Here's good news: Janet's guest this week is dynamic and passionate educator Mr. Chazz, and he has learned a self-calming process that he believes in 100%. Happily, he shares it in detail in this episode and who knows? It may very well come in handy this...
Dec 03, 2024•41 min•Ep 365•Transcript available on Metacast In this encore episode, a parent writes that she and her husband are concerned their toddler feels responsible for their emotions. This is a trait they both recognize from their own backgrounds. “He asks again and again, ‘Happy, mommy?’ as if he’s trying to help me be happy.” This mom says that if she admits to her toddler that, no, she is not entirely happy at the moment, he gives her hugs and cuddles and persists in asking if she's happy. While these parents want to foster their child’s empath...
Nov 26, 2024•21 min•Ep 364•Transcript available on Metacast A mother reaches out to Janet because her 3-year old's behavior has recently become erratic and unpleasant, and she’s struggling to make sense of it. She writes that her boy is strong-willed, smart, kind, high energy and wonderful to be around. But lately he's quick to anger, throws things, screams NO to simple requests, is pushy with his younger sister and gets easily overwhelmed when disappointed. He even behaved wildly and disruptively in a weekly music class he normally enjoys. Janet of...
Nov 19, 2024•27 min•Ep 363•Transcript available on Metacast Does the holiday season really need to be so overwhelming? Janet admits she gets caught up in the bustle and excitement of holiday festivities. While her intention every year is to pare down to make more room for meaningful moments with her loved ones, she still finds herself shopping until the last minute for the perfect gift and wrapping into the wee hours of Christmas Day. Janet's more than ready to take off her Santa hat and find ways to do less and enjoy more but doesn't know exac...
Nov 12, 2024•39 min•Ep 362•Transcript available on Metacast Does respectful parenting work? How does it look as our kids get older and more independent? Does our approach to relationship building change and if so, how? Will our early efforts pay off? In response to a listener's questions, Janet discusses the challenges, rewards, and surprises she's experiencing as her three babies have become adults. She shares on topics like boundaries, maintaining closeness, and how she's tried to support her kids through struggles. Learn more about Janet's "No B...
Nov 05, 2024•21 min•Ep 361•Transcript available on Metacast What do we do if we know our kids can practice a new skill, and yet they don't or won't? Three families reach out to Janet with concerns about their children's developmental progress. In one case, a 12-month-old doesn't seem interested in crawling, and the parent has been advised to try to make this happen. A second parent expresses her dismay ("I don't know how to undo what I've done!") that her 3-year-old will no longer draw. The child's refusal began when the parent innocent...
Oct 29, 2024•33 min•Ep 360•Transcript available on Metacast In this encore episode, early childhood education luminary Rae Pica joins Janet to share her expertise about how children really learn and to debunk some common parenting myths that can impede a child’s natural development. Rae has dedicated herself to the mission of developing and educating the whole child. She is the author of 20 books, a popular keynote speaker, and throughout her decades-long career has consulted with numerous diverse public and private groups as well as schools and health d...
Oct 22, 2024•29 min•Ep 359•Transcript available on Metacast The US Surgeon General warns that parents today are feeling increasingly stressed and burnt out. Obviously, this is unhealthy for us and for our children. Several societal factors are thought to contribute to this issue. The good news is that one of them is in our power to control: Intensive Parenting. Sociologists describe intensive parenting (in a recent “New York Times” article) as "painstakingly and methodically cultivating children's talents, academics and futures through everyday interacti...
Oct 15, 2024•32 min•Ep 358•Transcript available on Metacast A 7-year-old has been behaving rudely toward his parents by giving them "attitude" and resisting when they give him directions. He says rebellious things, reacts strongly to minor disappointments, and even gets physically aggressive. The mom writes: "I feel at a loss for how to correct this perceived defiance...We're at a new low for us. It's starting to feel like he's too old to be acting out this way." Janet offers her perspective and suggestions in this episode. Learn more about Janet's...
Oct 08, 2024•30 min•Ep 357•Transcript available on Metacast Parenting is a tough job and, if you're like many of us, navigating effective discipline is the most challenging part of it. We need clarity! For this reason, many have appreciated Janet's recent episode: "Strict is Loving". You've also had questions—lots of questions—in regard to walking (what can seem to be) the fine line between too strict and too permissive. Janet addresses many of your questions in this episode, offering her perspective on issues with kids and peers, transitions, behavior d...
Oct 01, 2024•31 min•Ep 356•Transcript available on Metacast Progress not perfection … Be thankful for what you have … It's okay not to win… Embrace differences... Follow your own path... It's okay to cry... We all have life lessons that we hope to instill in our kids. Many of you shared yours with Janet on Facebook recently. What are the most effective ways to teach these lessons? As with all aspects of parenting, the answers may not be as clear and simple as we expect. Janet offers her perspective and advice in this episode. Janet'...
Sep 24, 2024•29 min•Ep 355•Transcript available on Metacast Trauma survivor Elisabeth Corey returns to ‘Unruffled’ to share healing insights she's gained from her intense struggles as a parent of twins. The emotional reactions our kids stir up in us can take us by surprise. Worse, they can keep us feeling stuck repeating dynamics with our kids that seem to be driving us apart. We often know how we "should" respond but can't remain calm enough to do that in the moment! As Elisabeth explains, our reactions are often indicators of past hurts that need heali...
Sep 17, 2024•45 min•Ep 354•Transcript available on Metacast Janet's "all feelings allowed" approach to parenting is sometimes misconstrued as permissive, passive, lax on boundaries. But as Janet clarifies in this episode, the exact opposite is true! She describes how acquiescing to our kids' whims and demands, giving them multiple chances to comply with our directions, or making it our job to console them when our rules disappoint can be a set-up for failure for our kids and us. She explains how respectful parenting is actually quite strict, and why, in ...
Sep 10, 2024•33 min•Ep 353•Transcript available on Metacast A mom fears that her gentle, respectful approach to her toddler's feelings and behaviors is too permissive and isn't teaching her to treat others with kindness and respect. She says she’s been following Janet’s approach from the beginning, but when her daughter kicks and screams and generally melts down, she can't help but question if simply acting calm and acknowledging her feelings is the right attitude. "... This isn't getting better, it's getting worse, and I feel like maybe...
Sep 03, 2024•46 min•Ep 352•Transcript available on Metacast Janet consults with a single mom who is alarmed by her toddler's strong reactions and aggressive behavior. She seems easily and almost constantly upset—hits, pushes, and bites her mother and brother—and won't be consoled. "When she is crying for a little while because of me taking something away, I console her and say, 'I know you didn't want me to take that away. I'm so sorry I had to, it was not safe.' I will pick her up and rub her back and she will slap me." Naturally, this mom wonders ...
Aug 27, 2024•44 min•Ep 351•Transcript available on Metacast Starting a new school, going back to school, or starting daycare is one of the most challenging transitions for our kids —and us—at this early stage of their lives. It means a new routine, new caregivers and friends, and many unknowns. It’s normal for both parent and child to feel some trepidation, and it’s rare that our child will accept all the changes willingly or gracefully. Usually, we can expect some strong expression of feeling in the home either before, during, or after the transition—sh...
Aug 20, 2024•21 min•Ep 350•Transcript available on Metacast 
