Episode description

Puberty isn’t fair. What’s worse? Your parents and teachers failing to prepare you for it. Nature has just drafted your body into service… Luckily, in this two-parter, Dad Hacked sheds light on how your mind can protect you from becoming an unwitting drone in the ongoing program to repopulate planet Earth.

Transcript

00:24

Is your first crush the tiniest of little cute things, or is it a glimpse of the key to the survival of the human species?  Bet you never thought of that before. From a very early age, you will be dealing with one of the most powerful and hidden forces in our universe. It is a force that has populated the earth with almost 8 billion people and growing, not to mention every other creature on the planet. So the next time you dismiss something as childish things, think on it a moment

01:06

Welcome to Dad Hacked the Sex Matrix. 

01:14

While assessing the people around us, we look at others we might be involved with romantically and wonder in their absence, what we might be missing out on. And looking back on my life and a lot of lives around me, the answer most often is this: you were missing out on you. So loaded with hormones, emboldened and encouraged by an endless diet of snapshots and stories of love and sex, with no experience or context to balance this out, we stride forward in search of a potential partner, whose very mention makes us all giddy inside and ask them this:’ Be as fascinated with me as I am with you. Tell me that of all the 7.8 billion people on the planet. You choose me.’ This is a story I can get behind. For this, I would neglect my hobbies, my friends, my family, my career… for this, I would take off my clothes. 

02:15

So when we find ourselves again, dissatisfied, unhappy or heartbroken, betrayed by the stories we were raised on, Remember this: Nature designed us to multiply not to make others happy and not to be happy. 

02:31

Every time a young person finds themselves in intimate situations, Nature has won a match. When someone has found a way to make sex part of their regular day-to-day, a part of their lifestyle. Nature has won the game.  When someone finds themselves pregnant as a result of this, Nature's design is met and your biological agenda fulfilled. Doesn't matter what story you told yourself, you have played your part in the grand design.

03:00

And welcome again to another episode of Upright Monkeys Breeding on a Murderous Round planet. Yes, they are.

03:10

All right, all right, settle down class, settle down. All right; here's our first question. Tiffany has gotten naked and slept with 28 Men, from her teens to her 20s; each one of them has been inside her. Tony has had girlfriends yes, and he's also (in between those) been inside of 38 women and plunged his penis willingly into each of them. Which of them was experiencing love or highly significant, ‘special’ if you will, emotional experiences? Is it Tiffany or Tony? Anyone? Anyone want to try an answer? No? no? Neither!  Both of these fools will spend years creating scenarios that have them perpetually rubbing up against other fools up until the point that their biological destiny has been fulfilled.   Leave your papers on the desk. Thank you; have a good day.

04:12

This episode of Upright Monkeys Breeding on a Murderous Round Planet is brought to you by Nature; not giving a damn about you since mmm forever.

04:23

People of all ages might find you attractive, some of them inappropriate in age or even in position in your world. And you might find yourself telling yourself it would be quite an achievement or a measure of your worth landing someone like that. It is not. There is no conquest in sex because it is the players themselves who've been bested and tricked into mistaking a biological function for a significant moment. Yet another pairing of two people's bodies who were tricked into thinking it was their idea to rub up against one another. And that is fact stripped of story. 

05:00

Your ability to attract someone who will have sex with you is an ability shared with virtually every other of the billions of other beasts on this bustling planet, past, present, and future. Don't think that there weren't any sexy Tyrannosaurs Rex’s out there because there were.  Triceratops? Ah, the options. So try not to take too much pride in that accomplishment you share with a pig, a housefly or a dung beetle; you know, those little beetles that roll around other animals' poop, and somehow make a living out of it. I don't know. They're all just as sexy as you apparently and just as caught up in their own shit. Pun intended. ‘Dung beetle.’ 

05:43

So at this very young and formative age when you’re seeking a life or an existence of significance as we do, just be reminded that you're going to have to do a lot better than having sex. And you're going to be maybe one of the first generations (thanks to this podcast) that actually sees how sex works against you being anything original; I don't recommend falling into that trap. 

06:16

Dad Hacked the Sex Matrix has been brought to you by Citizen Street Productions.