Episode description

There are a lot of patron saints out there in the Catholic multiverse. They have saints for every day of the year and then some. We’ve all heard of the more famous saints like St. Paul, St. Peter and St. Patrick. What, no Saint Gary? Pfft. But then there are some lesser-known saints, but by no means less holy. 

Take St. Bernardino for an example. He travelled all over Italy and preached to the public instead of reading boring sermons in church. He became known as one of the greatest orators of his time, drawing big crowds with his captivating sermons. Sounds great, until you learn that he preached anti-Semitism, the brutal persecution of homosexuality, and the occasional witch hunt. Nevertheless, his gift of the gab led him to be venerated as the saint of marketing, communications and PR. No joke. 

Then there’s St. Lawrence, who while being executed by the Romans (by being cooked on the grill) allegedly exclaimed after quite some time, “I'm done on this side, turn me over” and became the saint of cooks, chefs, and comedians. You just can’t make this stuff up. 

And then some saints are very niche indeed. Like St. Lidwina of Schiedam, the patron saint of ice skating. At age 15, she fell over ice skating and broke her rib, which one source ominously states was the beginning of her martyrdom. No matter what medical intervention was applied, her rib just did not heal. She became progressively paralysed, soon unable to walk, her body slowly deteriorating to the point where she was confined to bed for the rest of her life. 

But paralysis was just the beginning. Soon after her injury, gangrene set in and spread across her entire body. She had three large open wounds on her body where maggots feasted on her rotting flesh. She barely ate anything, surviving mostly on the Eucharist and had literally zero sleep for days, weeks, and even months on end. Then she began to shed. Skin, bones, parts of her intestines. Some stories suggest that she may have even puked out some bone. Her parents kept the offcasts in a vase, which would give off a sweet odour, making her quite popular with the townspeople. 

All she could do was meditate on the ‘gift’ of pain and suffering that God had given her. At about 25 years of age, Lidwina began to experience ecstasies and visions and apparently, many miracles took place at her bedside, gaining her the reputation as a healer and holy woman.

But despite her blissful spiritual experiences, Lidwina continued to suffer every imaginable pain. She had intense headaches, toothaches, fever, dropsy, (generalised swelling), she couldn’t see out of her right eye, and her left eye was so weak that any light caused her pain. She was one big sore from head to foot and greatly emaciated. What a life. 

Not only did she become the patron saint of ice skating, but she was also canonized as the patron saint of the chronically ill. And, as it turns out, Lidwina is thought to be one of, if not the first documented cases of multiple sclerosis. 

Perhaps all that suffering was not so much God’s will, but an awful degenerative disease of the nervous system. 

But to live in that amount of pain, she must have received help from St. Drausnius, the patron saint of invincible people. Or maybe she prayed to St. Genesius, the saint of torture (as well as clowns, actors, lawyers and many other random things). 

What else will they come up with? Patron saint of the internet? (Spoiler, they already have)

PREVIOUS EPISODES MENTIONED:

Dying For It: A Scientific Look At Death During Sex

SOURCES:

• St. Lidwina
• St Lydwine of Schiedam
• Lidwina, Wikipedia
• Does the history of multiple sclerosis go back as far as the 14th century?
• R Medaer (1979) Acta Neurol Scand. 1979 Sep;60(3):189-92.
• 10 Most Bizarre Patron Saints in Catholicism
• 25 Patron Saints of Really Random Things

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