300 | Relationships and Money | Jillian Johnsrud | ChooseFI podcast

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Episode description

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Episode description

Money is one of the top three things people struggle to communicate with, falling right below sex and above our reasons and motivations for work.

In her coaching practice, Jillian finds clients will be very open in one-on-one sessions, but when working with couples, it becomes much more uncomfortable.

Jillian believes this discomfort is because discussions of things like sex and money happened behind closed doors and weren’t modeled for us growing up.

In response to a call put out for questions in Brad’s FI Weekly newsletter, listeners submitted their questions for Jillian about relationships and money.

The first comes from Jonesy who had a question about keeping the lines of communication open about money with a significant other when they are at different stages. He is working and beginning to build his portfolio and savings, while his significant other is still in school and struggling to make ends meet.

Jillian suggests first trying to find common ground to discuss money. You can start with telling your own money stories, like how your parents spent money or what you wish they had spent money on. It’s important to feel seen and heard. Sharing childhood stories are opportunities to start having conversations to begin learning about each other financially.

Help make the conversation not feel like a trap by being genuinely curious about your partner’s life and experience. You can approach discussions about money much in the same way couples talk about the parenting they witnessed and experienced.

Pick one or two questions to open up the conversation and put your partner in a relaxed state. Ensure they feel seen and heard before transitioning into conversations on budgets or debt payoff.

Taking the small step of sharing money stories can help the couple come away with positive feelings, feel closer, and know just a little bit more about each other.

Jillian and her husband did not communicate about money well during the first few years of their marriage. They had very different money stories and didn’t know how to explain why they were reacting or felt the way they were.

Breaking the big scary stuff down into bite-sized non-intimidating questions is something Jillian guides users through in her latest workbook, part of which asks us to examine our parents’ patterns, whether or not we have copied or rebelled against them, if what was inherited is serving you well, and do you want to take it forward.

Because Jonesy and his partner aren’t married, Jillian says it’s okay to skip the specifics in the middle, like savings rates and budgets, and discuss the outcome, like a common goal to work toward together.

If you work on learning to talk about money, understanding each other financially, and can work toward a common goal, by the time you are on the same page, the middle stuff will be easier.

Listener Sam wants to know if it can work when one half of a couple is excited about being on the FI path but the other half says FI is not for them. Sam has been on her journey for three years and has a 50% savings rate and plans to retire early, but recently married and her husband’s savings rate is far from the same and he plans on working until 60. They currently keep their finances separate.

Jillian thinks Sam and her husband could benefit from having conversations about work, its role, and how it ties to identity. It’s feasible for one person to retire while the other works, but it can create a rift unless they understand each other’s stories and mindsets.

Brad wonders how Sam and her husband keeping their finances separate could work logically in the long-term. Jillian thinks on the surface it cold work so long as they work on everything below the surface and sure each is truly comfortable with the situation.

Listener Titan wants to know how to make the monthly chart tracking their progress toward FI more fun and exciting for his significant other. Unfortunately, Jillian thinks Titan’s partner will never be excited about it. In any relationship, it seems like there’s one who likes worksheets and graphs and one who prefers to talk about things. She suggests not focusing on the numbers on the graph and instead make it about the amazing life they are creating or whatever is exciting for them.

Jonathan can sympathize with Titan’s situation but says what were are looking for is trust that you are building an awesome life together and moving forward in the same direction.

Jillian’s course, One Hour Millionaire, is a 21-day program with the premise that it should only take you one hour a month to set your trajectory to a million-dollar net worth.

Resources Mentioned In Today’s Conversation

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