"L'enfer, c'est les autres," wrote Sartre, which translates into "why don't nobody wanna play with me?" You see, Sartre only liked his consims and other historical wargames, but people didn't want to join him--possibly on account of there having been less history back in his old-timey days. His angst over unplayed games was the key inspiration of his existentialist philosophy. Camus tried to show him that the answer is to play with randos with his work "The St...
May 09, 2023•1 hr 28 min•Transcript available on Metacast In the show Ted Lasso (possibly the subject of a future Masterpiece Theatre?), French-Canadian goaltender Zoreaux asks to be called Van Damme. This is partly because people kept mispronouncing his name as "Zorro," and also because he admired the Muscles from Brussels. The point is that even people who thought it was stupid respected his wishes and called him what he wanted to be called, because that's what not being a jerk is. Similarly, ain't nothing necessarily wrong with being...
May 02, 2023•1 hr 8 min•Transcript available on Metacast We get introspective this week, or at least as much as the editorial gibbons allow. If we get too deep they get nervous, and as every podcaster will tell you, nervous gibbons are bad for the show. Walker, Mark alleges, is a masochist who sacrifices himself on the altar of speed, which may or may not mean game flow; Walker counters that Mark abuses the takesies-backsies. 01:50 AYURIS: Imperium: Classics and Imperium: Legends (Nigel Buckle & Dávid Turczi, Osprey Games, 2021) Games Played Last ...
Apr 25, 2023•1 hr 16 min•Transcript available on Metacast Is there a difference between a fruit salad and a fruit cup? I mean, the first question is whether a fruit cup contains a fruit salad, or if the contents are some other substance; then one can query whether the cup and its contents are a gestalt whole. Let us not forget the prospect of a fruit cup of Theseus, whereby each fruit piece is removed and replaced with an equivalent fruit (I would ask what an equivalent fruit is, but that's getting sidetracked)--is it the same fruit cup? Heraclitus...
Apr 18, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Ep 259•Transcript available on Metacast From Wikipedia: "Boglins were a series of toy puppets distributed by Mattel. They were created by Tim Clarke, Maureen Trotto, and Larry Mass, and licensed by Seven Towns. The original run of Boglins was released in 1987, coinciding with a "creatures" craze that included Ghoulies, Critters, and Gremlins. Boglins were goblin-themed hand puppets made of flexible rubber and could be manipulated to represent speech and facial expressions." Games Played Last Week: 01:26 -The Crew: The ...
Apr 11, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Ep 258•Transcript available on Metacast And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Huey that if Walker moves my games one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Dewey too, because Walker's moved my games four times already this year, and they used to be over by the window, and they could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, Walker switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't ...
Apr 04, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep 257•Transcript available on Metacast The mighty weremoose is a solitary creature, peaceable until roused to anger. Its only known predator is the American military deciding to once again invade Canada for reasons. When threatened, the weremoose rises to its full bipedal height of 6 meters, whereupon its sheer Chad-esque magnificence causes other creatures of the forest to quail and flee. Soldiers in the presence of this manifestation of the weremoose have been known to spontaneously reconsider their enlistment and retire on the spo...
Mar 28, 2023•56 min•Ep 256•Transcript available on Metacast Everything's gotta be a competition. "I've seen better walls," scoffs the ingrate. "I've had darker ages," insists the depressive. "Well, I'm a Time Duke," growls the superstar Duke (esq., O.B.E.). It's all right, people. We can accept the superlatives without making it a contest. Games Played Last Week: 00:58 -Dark Ages: Heritage of Charlemagne (Adam Kwapiński & Andrei Novac, Board&Dice, 2021) 08:04 -Horizons of Spirit Island (Eric R. Reuss, G...
Mar 21, 2023•55 min•Ep 255•Transcript available on Metacast This episode, as all episodes, is brought to you by our crack editorial team of semi-trained gibbons. Always go with gibbons. Cheaper than interns! More personable than rhesus! Less violent than capuchins! Better hygiene than Mark! Games Played Last Week: 01:05 -Votes for Women (Tory Brown, Fort Circle Games, 2022) 05:19 -Joan of Arc: Orléans Draw & Write (Ryan Hendrickson and Reiner Stockhausen, dlp Games, 2022) 09:54 -Quantum (Eric Zimmerman, Funforge, 2013) 11:54 -Gang of Dice (Reiner Kni...
Mar 14, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep 254•Transcript available on Metacast "And Blass is reeling from Yves Saint-Laurent's inverted atomic drop! But wait, who's that running towards the ring? IT'S THE BIG O! Oscar de la Renta is coming to the assistance of his tag-team partner! We thought Pierre Cardin had locked him backstage in his dressing room but no, here he is, steel chair in hand! And he levels YSL with one perfect shot to the head!!! Can you believe it? This the kind of action you can only see on pay-per-view in Versailles!" 01:24 AYURIS: Tr...
Mar 07, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep 253•Transcript available on Metacast As employers, we gamers are a strange lot. We are expected to feed our workers, house them, give them their raw materials; we tell them where to go, when to work,a nd for how long; we subject them to fires, predation, starvation... and on top of all this, in some games we appear to confiscate all their wages! At least in Food Chain Magnate we occasionally allow them to go to the beach. Under strict supervision. Until we permit them the sweet release of death. I mean, until they "retire."...
Feb 28, 2023•1 hr 19 min•Ep 252•Transcript available on Metacast You like SVWAG? Their early work was a little too negative for my taste. But when SHUX came out in '20, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole podcast has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the episodes a big boost. They've been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think SVWAG has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor. In '23, SVWAG released this; episode 251, their most accomplished episod...
Feb 21, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Transcript available on Metacast I once saw a video of a woman driving a Shelby GT350 Mustang on the Autobahn. It hit 275 kph without breaking a figurative sweat, roaring its primal power the entire way. I was petrified even watching the video. This is to say nothing of the terror I felt seeing it take offramps at roughly 100 kph, which is not terribly advisable with a vehicle that is not known for its cornering. Of course, there are many sections of the Autobahn with speed limits--and even more with no Mustangs on it at all. T...
Feb 14, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Transcript available on Metacast A comprehensive list of what transpires in RRR would sound like the incoherent ramblings of someone undergoing a very potent trip, which is why we merely indulge in a curated list. While Mark does not retract his naming Decision to Leave as his favourite film of 2022, he will concede that it leads to a less absurdist discussion. It also features slightly fewer dance numbers. Games Played Last Week: 01:21 -Astra (Patrik Porkoláb, Frigyes Schőberl, and Eszter Krisztina Sas, Mindclash Games, 2022) ...
Feb 07, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Transcript available on Metacast Our favourite Serge Laget game is Senji. "Senji" is a contraction of "Sengoku Jidai," or Warring States Period, which refers to over a century of near total civil war in Japan that started in 1467. Scholars differ as to when it ended, but mostly we can agree that it started when I traded Huey my grandpa in exchange for boats and then he shipped ol' gramps to Louis' estate. I found this out the hard way when my armies marched on Château Louis to be met with my ex-grandpa. ...
Jan 31, 2023•56 min•Transcript available on Metacast Ah, you dear internet pedants, I can hear your rapid and ever-present desire for infinite emendations and futile attempts to be comprehensive! "What of the expansion, uhm actually," you demand. We have little experience with the Ginkgopolis expansion, and while it adds several modules, they don't add much to the game--if you catch my subtle distinction. Games Played Last Week: 01:18 -The Quest for El Dorado: The Golden Temples (Reiner Knizia, Ravensburger, 2019) 05:52 -Heat: Pedal to...
Jan 24, 2023•1 hr 1 min•Transcript available on Metacast Welcome to our year-end eleganza extravaganza! Lists are compiled. Harsh truths confronted. For example, while one generally takes a while to acclimatize to the using the new year in dates, 2022 seemed immediately apt and people switched over effortlessly. 2023 still seems weird, though--as evidenced by the fact that we forgot to change our tags for our 2023 episodes thus far! How embarrassing. Games Played Last Week: 01:32 -Good Puppers (Chris Cieslik, Asmadi Games, 2021) 03:21 -Woodcrafters (R...
Jan 17, 2023•2 hr 35 min•Transcript available on Metacast "I'm head of the class I'm popular I'm a quarter back I'm popular My mom says I'm a catch I'm popular I'm never last picked I'm in the Green Team clique Being attractive is the most important thing there is If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond You have to be as attractive as possible Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean Wash it at least every two weeks Once every two weeks And if you see Johnny Football Hero in the hall Tell him he played...
Jan 10, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Transcript available on Metacast After much popular demand, we present to you the much-anticipated return of Masterpiece Theatre. Our esteemed patron--who is utterly unaware of our existence, such is his focus on his twin demesnes of fastness and furiousness--deserves no less. Of course, should His Grace, the Reverend Doktor Doktor Vincent, Duke of Diesel, Esq. O.B.E. ever condescend to acknowledge us plebs, we would no doubt swoon from appreciation. We would cherish so much as a grunt! Or a cease and desist! Games Played Last ...
Jan 03, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Transcript available on Metacast We take no time off for Boxing Day here at SVWAG, a day so named because according to the common law of the King (still feels weird saying that) citizens of the Commonwealth are permitted to punch someone in the face on this day only. It's like a pugilistic The Purge but with the metric system and occasional poutine. The news this week features a number of exemplary game titles. Many a stellar game has crossed our paths purely on the strength of its name, whereas others are so generic as to ...
Dec 27, 2022•1 hr 23 min•Transcript available on Metacast All things in SVWAG are glorious, and that applies doubly for our glorious returns. We will also not be taking any additional breaks during the holidays! Yes, we can pledge an uninterrupted broadcast schedule through to the new year--leading directly to our annual end-of-year spectacular. And it shall be what, listeners? Say it with me, It shall be glorious. 02:24 AYURIS: Bullet♥︎ (Joshua Van Laningham, Level 99 Games, 2021) Games Played Last Week: 05:08 -Tidal Blades: Banner Festival (J.B. Howe...
Dec 20, 2022•1 hr 22 min•Transcript available on Metacast Sometimes a game's title leads to it being underplayed. Such is not the case for Carolus Magnus, whose chief downside might be the surplus of excellent aliases (Chuckie Mags, Charlie Big-Big, Carlos Grande, Caroolie Magoonie, et al). Planet Unknown, on the other hand, hardly sticks in one's memory. Planet Lazy Susan, though perhaps a bit clumsy, would have likely generated more interest and most definitely adhered to gamers' memory more. Games Played Last Week: 01:06 -I.S.S. Vanguard...
Dec 06, 2022•1 hr•Transcript available on Metacast Walker has yet to inform us what agenda the aliens are pursuing in Argentina during their relentless campaign of cow abduction. Do the alien overlords practise colonialism in the same way as their human counterparts? Do the inscrutable extraterrestrials differentiate between different humans, perhaps much as they differentiate between cows? Are their secret machinations behind the British East India Company as well? Walker, what are you hiding! 01:54 AYURIS: Faiyum (Friedemann Friese, 2F-Spiele,...
Nov 29, 2022•1 hr 22 min•Transcript available on Metacast Say what you want about the evils of filthy lucre, but I find it amazing how managers turn communitarian and high-minded when it comes to fair remuneration. "Don't you believe in the project?" "Aren't you committed to the team?" et al get deployed all the time when people want to, you know, get compensated for their work. One can't help but notice that racialized workers and women get subjected to such nonsense at a higher-than-average rate. Volunteerism is noble and ...
Nov 22, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Transcript available on Metacast Most of those time loop movies, while enjoyable, lack any degree of verisimilitude--clearly the chief use of a power to undo time or back up would be to get another chance at not saying something terribly stupid and embarrassing. One wonders if such time travelers would have a yet deeper reservoir of memories of sounding like a total cretin, even though those utterances were never said in the actual timeline (setting aside the multiverse version of time travel, or the "Infinite Douchebag"...
Nov 15, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Transcript available on Metacast "Let us go then, you and I, When the board is spread out against the table Like a beast euthanized inside a stable; Let us go, through certain half-deserted tracks, The muttering attacks During restless nights of one-play bad games And sepia box lids with familiar names: Rules that follow like a tedious argument Of soporific intent To lead you to an overwhelming question ... Oh, do not ask, “What to play?” Let us go and have our say. In the room the gamers come and stay Talking of Asmodee.&#...
Nov 08, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Transcript available on Metacast Replete with a robust menagerie in this episode, we perhaps begin to see why anthropomorphic animals seem to feature in every other game lately. We have Dalmations (plus a cow named Doog trying to impersonate a Dalmation), horsies, goats, weasels and wombats (seldom do we see such an august alliteration!), meeses (not to be confused with mooses), and some needed stinkin' badgers. Not a great petting zoo, sure--of limited utility in a game of Ark Nova--but an impressive collection nonetheless...
Nov 01, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Transcript available on Metacast We apologize for the all-caps implied yelling, but really, given this volume we had to have a corresponding... uh, volume. The puns are also somewhat fishy--but those you can feel free to skip, jack. The nautical theme doesn't end with fishing, as the recent Crash Octopus (when compared with older titles that are comparatively crusty) shone. More specifically given that it's about an octopus and we want to minimize the yelling, it's a safe, low pod. Wait, no, that's the wrong fam...
Oct 25, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Transcript available on Metacast Live at SHUX 2022, we are joined with extra-special guest Quinns from Shut Up and Sit Down! He was clearly thrilled to be with us, as evinced by the following exchange: Mark: "We're professionals, Quinns." Quinns: "Citation needed." 02:26 AYURIS: Hallertau (Uwe Rosenberg, Lookout Games, 2020) Games Played Last Week: 05:11 -The Siege of Runedar (Reiner Knizia, Ludonova, 2021) 09:00 -Marrakesh (Stefan Feld, Queen Games, 2022) 14:18 -Endless Winter: Paleoamericans (Stan Kordonsk...
Oct 18, 2022•58 min•Transcript available on Metacast We apologize for the poor quality of Mark's half of the audio this week. We offer two possible explanations. One is that Walker, motivated as he is by spite and malice, engaged in an elaborate act of sabotage so as to undermine Mark in public. The other is that Mark (the editor, mind you) messed up the audio settings. I agree that the latter is too improbable, too conspiratorial, to take seriously--but we include it for the sake of comprehensiveness. Games Played Last Week: 01:32 -Twilight I...
Oct 11, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Transcript available on Metacast 
