BREAKING NEWS: Saul sours on short sultry servant, David! See! I could have written headlines during bible times. Talk about a short honeymoon period. David gets done killing Goliath and immediately some school girls come up with a jump rope song about David killing more people than Saul. So Saul gets all agro and starts throwing spears around willy nilly. Meanwhile, David finds love with Saul's son, Jonathan. Unfortunately, Jonathan seems like he must be prettier than he is smart. He comes...
Sep 03, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Ep 56•Transcript available on Metacast We finally cover the ultimate David and Goliath story... David and Goliath! God, tired of having a tall, handsome king, has shifted his focus to a short, handsome king. And like an 80s New York real estate baron, he doesn't give a shit if there's overlap. Like maybe file for divorce BEFORE anointing the next one, right? We also find a big narrative flaw when David is hired to play the lyre for Saul and David becomes like a member of the royal family. Then in the Goliath story Saul sudd...
Aug 27, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep 55•Transcript available on Metacast Merry Christmas, sinners & sodomites! In this week’s episode we dive into the gospels with the birth of our lord and savior. A story so vital and so foundational to the religion that it only appears in two of the gospels. But that’s ok, because in the two we have the stories line up perfectly, with minor exceptions for the time, place, events and people. That’s right, we’ll hear a story about a small family on the run from an evil king escaping to Egypt. Then we’ll hear about a small family ...
Aug 20, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Transcript available on Metacast Ok. NOW Saul is king, I guess. So there is your happy ending to the story. Nothing could possibly-- What's that? God's already done with him? Ughhhhhh... Saul pisses off the all powerful Lord by cooking meat without a license. Samuel pulled him over and cited him for sacrificing without bribing a priest. Thus our God of Love passes judgement like a coked out squirrel. Saul's son, Jonathan, carries out a plan so vague the Philistines never saw it coming and he deals a massive defea...
Aug 13, 2023•58 min•Ep 54•Transcript available on Metacast I know what you're thinking. WHEN THE HELL IS ISRAEL GOING TO HAVE A KING!??!!? I know. It's frustrating. I've been there many times before. But in the words of esteemed Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Samuel begrudgingly tells everyone that since they have rejected God being their king, probably because nothing seemed to get done, that he's going to appoint a king for them. And luckily the most handsome and tallest guy in Israel just happens to stop by l...
Aug 06, 2023•1 hr•Ep 53•Transcript available on Metacast In our second episode on 1 Samuel it's all about the Ark of the Covenant! That's right, the GodBox that guarantees victory over your enemies. And we start with a story of Israel not only losing to their enemies but having the Ark stolen from them... So what was the point of the Ark again? God gets real testy with the folks who steal the Ark. Of course, he could get the Ark back in all kinds of non-violent ways if he, in his divine goodness, chose to. But he just gives everyone cancer a...
Jul 30, 2023•59 min•Ep 52•Transcript available on Metacast Kicking off a new bible book strong with talk of barren women, boarding school, priests mistaking prayer for drunkenness, and shitty sons who steal meat. That's right, what other book could this be than 1 Samuel? Samuel is the profit (sp?) that ends up appointing Saul to be king, realizing that was a fuck up and then appointing David, which works out completely fine with no issues at all. And this is starts his origin story. We learn about Samuel's barren mother, Hannah, who only gets ...
Jul 23, 2023•59 min•Ep 51•Transcript available on Metacast WOO HOO! 50 EPISODES! So there's that. We are joined by Josh's mom, Jill to give us a Christian perspective as we talk all things Christian. We talk about everything in this SEO-friendly bullet list: Leaving religion The Waco miniseries 7th Day Adventists A crazy Jehovah's Witness dream Jill had Trixie Mattel Pornhub Church abuse Sister Cindy Healing autism Blood transfusions And child marriage Thank you to everyone who has supported us over the last two years! We love you! Send u...
Jul 16, 2023•2 hr 44 min•Ep 50•Transcript available on Metacast Wrapping up Judges with some good old fashioned sexism, violence and mayhem! If you thought Jephthah's story was tragic, just you wait. We meet a certain Levite who turns out to be Moses' grandson. An ambitious young man who doesn't seem to be bothered by Micah breaking all the laws his grandfather came up with. And when his concubine runs away he has a hell of a time bringing her home. There's really just no good way of summing this up without giving away what happens. So yo...
Jul 02, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Ep 49•Transcript available on Metacast Ooooh boy. This episode was so good we had to record it twice! We start off with an amazing story about a father and daughter and the things we do for the Lord. And the things the Lord lets us do for him despite being a loving, all knowing and all powerful Lord. Our first Judge this episode is Jephthah. A guy that likes to make weirdly specific promises to God if he helps him kill his enemies. Our second Judge is a guy you may have heard of before. He's the biggest prima donna in the bible,...
Jun 18, 2023•2 hr 47 min•Ep 48•Transcript available on Metacast This is it folks. The crucifixion. The grand climax. Where God’s Holy Spirit comes on all of us. But first we find out what happened to Judas, who realized what a Judas he had been to Jesus. But of course, no one can say for sure what happened to him. Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate who oddly comes across as a pretty decent dude. Too decent, mayhaps. And Jewish people seem to be suspiciously too eager to have Jesus killed and save ANOTHER JESUS! And finally we discuss the crucifixion...
Jun 04, 2023•2 hr 47 min•Transcript available on Metacast The bible is SO PRO-WOMAN! As you'll be able to tell from the story of Deborah, the only female Judge. Her story is well balanced in comparison to the story of Gideon, the other Judge for this episode. Gideon is the closest we get to a scientist in the bible, what with his not trusting a single sign from God and requiring further evidence. Moist, soggy evidence. Unfortunately Gideon wasn't much of a dad to his 71 kids, so one of them kills almost all of the other 70 and tries to take o...
May 21, 2023•2 hr 37 min•Ep 47•Transcript available on Metacast Sit down, Judge Judy! We're talking about Judge SHAMGAR!!! That's an EPIC name for a judge, isn't it? It's going to be an amazing story, right!? The point of the Book of Judges is to fill in the gaps between Joshua and the Israelites "demanding" their first king. A cycle, similar to Exodus, where the chosen people continually let God down, get spanked by God, come back to God, and God forgives until they let God down again. Over and over and over. We dig into the fi...
May 07, 2023•1 hr 27 min•Ep 46•Transcript available on Metacast We wrap up the Book of Joshua and boy does it make time stand still. Apparently God makes the sun stand still for a whole day and somehow that didn't cause everything and everyone to go flying off into space. Why would a god capable of doing that tell people to kill each other? Probably to teach us a lesson about faithfulness. Excuse the meow's in the background. We did our best but Frodo just couldn't help sharing his thoughts and opinions. He's a Hare Krishna and a real see...
Apr 23, 2023•2 hr 41 min•Ep 45•Transcript available on Metacast You remember that part of the bible when Jesus performed the miracle of getting a rabbit to lay chocolate, cream filled eggs? No? Well then you're just not reading the bible right. We dig into what the hell happened for Christians to turn Jesus' resurrection into a fertility festival geared toward grooming children into their "lifestyle". Eostre, Ishtar, Ostara, Esther, and Easter. Just getting this all in for SEO purposes. We talk about all of them. How they connect and how ...
Apr 09, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep 44•Transcript available on Metacast We all remember the songs about Joshua and the Battle of Jericho and the cartoons and the children's books. All those glorious money-making forms of "art" that taught children valuable lessons about walking in circles around a city and not shouting until God says it's ok, while ignoring that the story was about divinely mandated genocide. Let's play a drinking game. Every time God says kill kids, you drink. (Don't really do this. I'm not legally responsible for...
Mar 26, 2023•1 hr 17 min•Ep 43•Transcript available on Metacast I'll be honest. This episode is about crossing a river. We cover 5 chapters of the bible, and at the beginning of it some people are on one side of a river, and at the end those people are on the other side of the river. If you're into rivers, this episode is for you. If you loved River Phoenix in the 1992 cinema masterpiece "Sneakers" then this episode is for you. If you loved the 1992 cinema masterpiece "A River Runs Through It" this episode is NOT for you. That m...
Mar 12, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Ep 42•Transcript available on Metacast While reading Genesis in our first several episodes, I noticed odd things. The same stories repeated, stories with inconsistent details, and conflicting commandments. Things I’m sure I noticed growing up as a Christian, but I wrote off as a lack of biblical knowledge on my part. I started doing research into what modern science and scholars can tell us about the actual history of the bible and the people it talks about. What I found cracked my view of the world apart like the first time evolutio...
Feb 26, 2023•2 hr 57 min•Transcript available on Metacast We finally cover the story of the little wooden prophet who wanted to be a real boy so bad he ended up in the belly of a whale. Ok, so he wasn't wooden, didn't want to be a real boy, and it was a fish and not a whale. But still! Hear the iconic tale of Jonah being swallowed for a fi... oh it's over? Just like that, it's just done? Well how are we going to sell children's books based on this? Children and their parents aren't going to read the original story so we ca...
Feb 12, 2023•1 hr 20 min•Ep 41•Transcript available on Metacast We dive deep into Josh. Or at least Josh's past. How he went from devout Christian to a raging atheist. Was it because of all the Carmen, dc talk, and POD he listened to growing up? Was it because he learned about creationism from Canned Hamm? Was it because he went to a Christian university that didn't allow dancing? Nope. Ultimately it's God's fault. Big thank you to a couple listeners for sharing their stories about waking up and dropping belief in the Jehovah's Witne...
Jan 29, 2023•2 hr 41 min•Ep 40•Transcript available on Metacast We take on the 2nd and last book named for a woman. Will she be a feminist icon? No. I'll just let you know that now. But she will make a few decisions for herself. So yay for progress. Have you ever wondered, "What's up with the Jewish holiday of Purim?" I know you have. I heard you whispering about it into your pillow at night. "Where did Purim come from?" you asked into what you thought was the empty darkness of your bedroom. Quieter than silence, your quivering ...
Jan 15, 2023•1 hr 13 min•Ep 39•Transcript available on Metacast Happy New Year all you sinners and sodomites! We're having ourselves a laid back episode where we go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole on Yzidism, a religion where one of the central figures is a Peacock Angel. And we talk about a great post a listener left on our subreddit. Pardon the goddamn husky belonging to our neighbor barking in the background practically the entire time. And our cat, Frodo, jumping in with his own meowing. I guess animals aren't our target demographic. Send us a tex...
Jan 01, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep 38•Transcript available on Metacast This week we blow through Ruth, one of the shorter books of the bible, in a single episode. We find out about Naomi, whose sons break religious law by marrying Moabite women, not that anyone mentions that. But when her husband and sons die in seemingly unrelated events, Naomi and her daughter-in-law, Ruth, return to Judah. Naomi and Ruth work on getting Ruth married off to one of Naomi's rich cousins because in this Christian "feminism" tale, you can't be a woman of value wit...
Dec 18, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep 37•Transcript available on Metacast You know that feeling when you're talking with 3 of your friends in poetic verse for a few days and then you find out there was another guy there the entire time? Job does. This young guy, Elihu, apparently has been there this entire time and is pissed off at everybody. He goes on a rant and then disappears into the background again. Almost as if he was just an afterthought by the writer. Then God finally addresses Job's complaints about killing his family, servants, and livestock by p...
Dec 04, 2022•1 hr 17 min•Ep 36•Transcript available on Metacast We kick off a two part series on the Book of Job. That weird book people LOVE to talk about but no one reads... I guess that's not specific enough. That weird book where god suddenly unleashes unending cruelty on someone for no reason... I guess that's not specific enough. It's the one where god makes a bet with Satan that he has Job gaslit enough that if he completely ruined Job's life Job would still worship him. But remember, God is Love. The book is almost completely writ...
Nov 20, 2022•1 hr 18 min•Ep 35•Transcript available on Metacast We set the "good" book aside for the week and pull up some "meh" videos on modern Christianity. We react to way out of the logical box thinking on religion. Meet Tim Mackie, one of the founders of Bible Project. Tim has some interesting ideas on the nature of God's space and Earth's space. And how they overlaPAH. Unfortunately we never are told the reason for Space's space. And we jump on the shitposting bandwagon of Girl Defined. These Texas twerps for Jesus t...
Oct 23, 2022•1 hr 28 min•Ep 34•Transcript available on Metacast We wrap up our 4 part series on the book of Acts and hear all about Paul's retirement in Rome. But that's skipping ahead. First off, the unchanging, infallible Holy Spirit kicks off this episode by changing their mind on Paul going to Jerusalem. But don't worry, Paul ignores it and there is no consequences. Paul has to prove his Judaism to the Christians. If that sounds like it doesn't make any sense, you're right. But in doing so he ends up getting arrested for being ha...
Oct 09, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep 33•Transcript available on Metacast Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing. This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be called by his dead name again. We find out Jesus' preferred penises. There's some trouble in paradise when Mark (last name Ono, we&apos...
Sep 25, 2022•2 hr 34 min•Ep 31•Transcript available on Metacast We’re taking a short break from our series on the book of Acts this week to talk with Lilac, a teenager who was kicked out of her home because of religious issues with her Jehovah’s Witness family. The first part of the episode, I’ll explain to Linz how I found out what was going on with Lilac and get Linz’s reaction. And in the second part we have a call with Lilac. If you’re interested in helping out Lilac, here is her Go Fund Me link. https://gofund.me/d83afbc7 And her artist insta is https:/...
Sep 11, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Ep 32•Transcript available on Metacast We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport. We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus. We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible. And Herod dies at the end in a really crazy way. Sorry, just kinda throwing thi...
Aug 28, 2022•1 hr 28 min•Ep 30•Transcript available on Metacast 
