Previously on the Zed1 Podcast How are we handling this? First in the sneak surprise attack or we could do the unexciting but the safest way and let them come to us. I told you I've got it. I didn't get you as well. Is that your blood or the Zed? I dunno. Oh shit it's mine. Warning. This is a work of fiction. Everything you're about to hear has been fabricated, including character opinions and all events that follow should be considered as entirely imaginary,
even the pets aren't real. The town of Farrandon does exist however and it's actually quite nice, so go visit if you want. I'm sponsored by the Farrandon Taurus Board, but in Farrandon is not guaranteed. Aaron. Aaron, can I be late for work? What? What's up? I had a nightmare. Me too. We were stuck inside and the only hot beverages we had was bovrall. My trip that our baby died and turned into a Zed and was trying to eat me from
inside. Okay, you win scary stream of the night award. Wow, you're right. Yeah, you can might have boneed up too much on that baby book. It was reading about NATO or T-flask night. Oh yeah, well that'll probably do it. Well that was rare, right? Well yeah, but then according to the book, so lots of things. In fact, if you run up all the things that are rare about birth, the chances of anything rare actually happening is very common. Oh that's too deep for me at
what time is it? Half four. I think it would help you know if we started planning for this birth properly. Well like picking a name or something. No, like deciding how we're going to do it, where are we going to do it? Making backup plans just in case the baby comes early or late. I'm presuming we're electing for a home delivery. I'm not doing it in a field. Well in that case then, we'll plug you on the sofa. Jackie legs up on some cushions. I'll apply you with some painkillers
and do whale noises. Simple. Oh no, no, no, two Jeremy Kyle. A whale not up market enough for you. What? How about a narwhal? No. There's a higher class in a whale. No, it's a no to the whole thing and you don't know how to do narwhal sounds. They just click and buzz. It's like listening to A effects twin. Well now it's a definite no. All right and if I said water birth, how would you feel? Rinkly by the end of it I imagine. But does it sound more Katie? Maybe. Might be less stress for
all round and a damn sight less messy. Hold on. I'll consult the baby Bible. Water birth. Let's see. Terex, fresh, undescended testicles, vaginal loosening, vision defects. I'll take a night out in black pool for 400 Alex. Here we are, water birth. Well so I'll need a pool. Obviously. Better make that for and we're talking large ones, not some 49 Kiddies peddling pool from the Binning Audi. Four. One for here, one for the flat, one for the tower and one for the van.
Really? Well we might not be here when the time comes. You ain't getting a pool in that van. Well find something similar just in case. You can have two. One for this place and whatever I find for the van. Fine. What else? A garden hose has to be led free. Moving on. A fish in that. Christ, I'm faster than baby gonna reject. No. It's for the debris. Fluid after birth and shit. Rubber gloves, stairhouses, alcohol, flashlight, towels, sheets. Oh and you have to keep the water
between 97 and 100 degrees Fahrenheit at all times. Wow. So glad I suggested this. Yeah, I'm really warm with this idea now. Great. Well can you store that one until do day because we'll need something to heat the pool up. Well I'll leave all the logistics to you. Cheers. Anything else that would help? Should I nip to the J.R. to see if they got any epidurals going spare? No but I better start teaching you how to stitch properly.
Like you did with my hand. You recovered didn't you? I'm not complaining. For a while it's like having my own sock puppet. It's only just in case though. I don't want you doing a C-section or anything but chances are I'm gonna tear something. Oh don't say that. Just want to be prepared as much as possible. Okay come on get dressed. I was open to the latest by a few weeks but I need to show you something. Oh you've cleared the zed out run and Jeremy's pace. Is that why we're back here? What?
That's got nothing to do with me. Where do you suppose you were when? Oh I don't know. It's only a certain amount of months you can stand around steering at run and Jeremy's wallpaper. Did you ever feel it though? It's lush. Weirdly enough. No. Anyway we're not here for there old gaff. We're here for ours. Christ what did you do? Raider primark. No just a few houses. A few. Everything's still in pile so it looks a bit more than it actually is but look we got
nappies of all sorts and sizes from newborn to eight years old. So I did. I do that. Lots of clothes. All neutral colours. This one's my favourite. Oh it's a daddy I've shat my pantaloons onesie. Tows over here including these really small square ones. Muslins. Yeah I want to use a suitcase for those. Really? What do they do? Everything. Trust me. Look. Did you just make a bindle out of a five iron? Yeah. Weapon at one end. Baby bits at the hour.
That's fucking genius. Told you. Oh she got. Oh I got toys. Sleep suits. They seem to come in two forms. Rabbit related or non-rabbit related. Tiny boots, mittens and I know that look on your face and yes I've even found stuff for you too. Maternity brass, feeding on the run. Pads, creams, oils, these massive clown pants and that's not all. Stepped through to the transportation room madam. You found a pram. Yes I did. And a carry cot, a crib and this completely baffling harness
I'm sure it'll work fine once I untangle the fucker. And you've been squirreling all this here since when? Well since you told me it's all happening really. I didn't want to bring all this stuff back to our place just in case. You can say the words. All right just in case we miscarried again but we're about halfway there now right. You said the other day you felt the baby wriggling. I mean that's a good sign in it. Yeah it is. Baby's fine. All normal I think. And amazingly you've got some really
useful stuff here. Despite the fact you probably didn't know what you're looking for. Oh. Flashback to every birthday present you've ever asked for. What do you suppose a coke on that in it? I've absolutely no idea. That face is on everything. I'm guessing it's a cult leader of kids of some kind. Do you remember like Tony Harle or Roland Rap? Jesus. Yeah or something similar. Anyway now you've seen the fruits of my labour. Are you feeling any better about the future?
A little. Still breaking it about the birth. But seeing how we're more prepared on resources than the thought maybe we might actually muddle our way through this after all. Good enough for me. Well now you're here. You can help me shift some of the shit back to our place before you get too big to pick stuff up. Grab the ever under that cot. Right to me. To me. To me. To me. That's 10 minutes right. Tell you what's right. Let's know in. Oh. No. No.
Oh, throwy. Throwy. Yeah. You're going to have to record me I think. But okay. I'll try throwy. No, so I might doubt it. I'm too funny today. Do it like over the mic. Oh. That was my face. It's done it. We're whipped in a face. Does it actually make a sound though? No. I'll take it if it made a sound. If you take it into me. Why didn't you just slap me? If you thought I'd not eat a wicker but half-world. Just slap me in the face. I hope you could sound effect.