Previously on the Zed1 Podcast. Oh, I'm gone. Alright, I'll fetch the zombie spray. Are we crossing borders into another town? I think we have to. Ah, shit. You're right. I think I've just juggling the foot. We need to get you to Longcott Farm ASAP. There's a basement door under this rug. Shit! There are Zeds underneath us.
Everything you're about to hear has been fabricated, including the character opinions. And all events that follow should be considered as entirely imaginary. Even the hamster isn't real. The town of Farrondon does exist, however. And it's actually alright. So, go visit if you want.
There. One pigeon for dinner. One. You've become for hours and you've scammed one pigeon. I've been battling some Zeds. Who, by the way, are also interested in eating pigeon? Ah, something you haven't come in with as zombies. That and you both smell the same. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah. So anyway, a squab squabble with the undead are kind of funny. Pigeon's treats Zeds like any other potential threat. Call as fuck until the zombies reach out for them and then they lazily move free feet away.
So, how did you succeed where the Zeds failed? I cooted. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's the worst impression I've ever heard. Worst than what David Attenborough? Here, we have a humble wood pigeon, distant relative of the dodo. And this particular pigeon has a distinct commonality of its key wee cousin, with the fact that it's fucking dead. I was sitting in my statement. David Attenborough wouldn't swear. Like a trooper. Trust me.
Right. Now that we have this pigeon, what do we do with it? Tether wings are from pluck the fuck out of it, I guess. I don't know. I'm not exactly a culinary expert when it comes to flying rats. You're not selling this to me very well. I can't imagine what this thing's been eating over the last eight months. What I want to know is, is eating it going to kill me? No. I'll cook it right.
You ain't touching that, Arga. Let's play to our strengths. I'll cook it. You get your funm up that pigeon's asshole and get all the shit you bit sell. But you've only got one working foot. Well, I guess I'll have to use my hands then. I'm meant to be taking care of you. Yeah, and that includes not poisoning me with food and not exploding me with a 19th century fuel cooker. Oh, you're no fun. Out of downstairs neighbours.
They keep poking their fingers through the floorboards. I keep on thinking there's a mouse under the rug, but it's them teasing us to play whack a mole. It's creeping me out. Can you just go down there and dispose of them? I can find dark space with an unknown number of zombies. You're not selling this to me very well. I'll pass thanks. They ain't afraid where they are as long as the sofa's on top of them.
Can you use my broom? Come on, you know you want to. Wow, you must be desperate to offer that to me. Okay, jump off the sofa. Let's open up the basement door and get spiking. Uh, where are you going? I'm going to get rid of these zombies. Oh no, you're not just going down there, I'm prepared. You need weapon training first. But it's a broom. Yeah, and there's a method to using it. Fuck off.
If you're not going to take this seriously, I'll send you down there with your half broken toothbrush. See how you do with that and several hungry zeds around you. Come on, outside. This is my broom. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My broom is my best friend. It is my... Can we get on because it's fucking freezing out here? Sorry miss. Right, so before I let you hold brooming, you need to first concentrate on your stance. Yep. Stop bouncing. Okay.
Right, one leg out, front knee bent, back leg straight. Toes facing the front, back straight, lean forward. Why have you got your hand out? Miss, one of my toes is facing the other way. I'll cut the fucking thing off if I get one more interruption. Right. I'm going to show you how to strike effectively. I've seen you kill zeds before. Just because you see it doesn't mean you understand it. Your stabsets with a toothbrush and a frenzy, mostly with your eyes closed from what I've noticed.
And you've no idea how technical the broom killed can be. I wish I could edit to a montage right now. Ow! Careful. You don't get to edit lifeharing. Pay attention. What's the softest part of a zed? Oh, pop quiz. Exciting. Is it the way to their hearts? Their necks. Zeds have very squishy necks, don't they? Technical description, that. Squishy. Shhh. So, by using the javelin end, you can bring the broom up, front of the chin, then twist and drive through to the brain.
But, and this is the crucial part of the procedure. Before the zombie drops, you bring the broom out in a smooth motion. That's negating the risk of any breakages, okay? Why would your hands up again? Your five feet tall. And? So, you're always under a zombie's chin. I'm five-ten. How do you deal with zeds that are smaller than you? I haven't seen a zed that smaller than me to be fair. But we're even talking about five-ten. You're five foot seven with your boots on.
But in that event, you can also use that over the shoulder technique. Use your body weight to fresh your shoulders forward, to pierce the skull like this, now in your ten. Can I have a zed to practice on? Fighting finnayages isn't the same. You'll get your chance in the basement. Just keep practicing. I better turn this arbor on. It's gonna take barely hours to heat up. Katie, can I come in now? It's so cold out here, I can't film my fingers. Have you learnt to respect the broom?
Yes. Am I a good teacher in weapons based combat? Yes. Do you have a fresh admiration for the way I despatch of the undead? Yes. You're a valuable member of this team. I mean, you're the leader of this team. Your zombie kills a far-soup area to mine. Your broom is a masterclass in crafting. Bear grills would be so jealous you would piss himself at the sight of it. And then you would drink said piss. Katie? Katie. Wow, the store bell still works. Do you think he's still alive?
Yeah, he'll be out there somewhere in his island, all naked, eating wild heifer, drinking his own bodily fluids, making face masks out of flesh. Do you reckon zombies would have really reached his island? Who's done anything about zombies? That's just a normal Tuesday night for him. He probably doesn't even realise ZZ exists. Look, can I come in please? I am sorry for underestimating your skills. Okay, you can come in. I think you're ready. I'm going to open the basement door now.
This is your final test. Don't mess it up. Okay, Sensei, I won't let you down. Oh, it's got stairs. Right, here goes nothing. Gotcha, you little fucker. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. The broom broke. What? I did everything you said. I lunged, I twisted. My toes were facing directions. I pulled out before the body dropped. But most of the broom is stuck in the Z. Oh, fuck, sake. Get in there and kill the rest, will you? I'll teach you zombies to break my wife's weapon. Four. Four zombies.
Who can take zombies like this? Can't believe you broke my broom. And after all that training, I was about to make you a black belt. Really? Well, maybe yellow, orange at best. Well, technically it was a Z head that broke it. It's still down there, everyone I've got it mending it. But I'm sorry for the part that I played. Here, I think I found the replacement for you. Ah, a tiny little axe. Hatch it. I knew that. And I found these. The basement is a wine cellar. How about that?
Suddenly I'm warming to your idea of staying here for good. Ooh, me and wine tonight. This is like dining out in one of those five star restaurants you never took me to. And our portions would be just as tiny as a place that serves poshnosh. Is the pigeon ready? I think so. Let's crack open a bowl. I'll... I brought you two for brush. Oops. Well, we'll have to share that hatchet then. Er, you must have known there was a quartz grouin' to draw. Yeah, I know. Ah, of course you did.
Ah. It's about time we found more weapons anyway. A place like this must have a shotgun somewhere surely, or a chainsaw. I think the tiny axes all we're going to get. But we've got some time to get creative. Cheers. Next time. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Next time on the Z1 podcast. This is such a bad idea. Rubbish. You got a control. Control. You still drunk from last night. Possibly. Great.
So my job is to stand out here in the freezing farm field like a fucking scarecrow and scream until the zombies come, right? Right. And I'll be doing the same from the rooftop. And we'll see who the zeds come to first. This doesn't feel safe. It's the owner.