Ministers are meeting at Whitehall this morning to discuss the ongoing nation-wide quarantine, which has entered its tenth day. Wait, Aaron, this intro is far too scary. This is a child-friendly version, remember? Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. Okay, so what news did the kids listen to now then? Newsboard? Wow, so that's still going. Okay, let's try this.
Now you may have heard or even seen that there are zombies walking around your town? Well, they may look a bit scary, but don't worry, because politicians say that the zombies aren't dangerous. We ask children across the UK what they fought about all the wandering dead people in their local towns. Here's what they had to say. They aren't that crazy old and sad and lost. My mummy told me not to confuse them in case I get pleased. They all smell
like my dad's thoughts. And in the playground, doing the zombie, there's become the latest craze. Look at this one. Wow, that's really scary. Here comes another. Wow. I'm going to do zombie. I'm going to do zombie. But as a precaution, the government have said that all children aged 16 and below are being moved to safe zones across the UK. Within the next few days, the British army is going to start collecting children, especially fortified logistical vehicles. Here's what the Prime
Minister had to say. Well, of course, to allow us to nip us in the mud, the same way as we did with COVID. The best cause of action is to keep our children safe as we can. We can't have them marching around and just getting away. I should know I've had about eight of the blighters. Wow, that last bit is scary than the zombies. And I don't think we should call them zombies or zeds in this version. Think of the children.
Right. Number one, the kids got took away. It's what happened, right? I mean, I can't sugarcoat it any more than that. I can say they boarded a fortnight battle bus. What good it does. Number two, all right. Yeah, okay. We'll rename the zombies to erroneously reanimated. Well, no one's going to know what that means. Okay, we'll stick to zombies, but let's make sure they're kind zombies. Kind zombies. Check. And thinking about it,
instead of safe zones. Oh, can you say like holiday destinations with amusement parks, burger bars and YouTube events? Oh, dear Lord, whatever. They're going to end up being a modern day version of Lord of the Flies anyway. Let me try. Oh, what are you doing? Give me a mic. Give me a mic. Hello, children. My name is Katie. I'd like to read you a story today with my friend Aaron. Hello. It's a story about a naughty virus that causes people
to walk around a lot. Yes, that do. Now, you may have had a virus before, like a runny nose or a cold or a flu. It's just like that. And this story is how a man and his wife managed to keep themselves safe from the virus, just like all the children did and all their parents and their teachers. In fact, everybody you know is safe. And the zombies aren't dangerous
at all. Isn't that right, Aaron? Yeah, they're very kind. Let's go with that. Our story begins in a lovely little town of Fowndon, where a man and a woman are deciding what to do. We are going to need food. Do you think our neighbours will mind if we pop over an ass for their help? No, they won't mind. They're all super friendly as can be. This is such a nice town to live in. Yes, it is. I think we'll stay right here.
Oh, actually, I think the man downstairs has the virus. I heard him sniffling and spluttering and walking. Should I go see if he needs some help? That's a good idea. But make sure you wear a mask, okay? Okay, I'll be back in a minute. I'm back. Hello. Did you get everything you needed? Yes. Everyone was very helpful and I didn't steal anything or hurt anybody. I promise. Oh, you've brought back some lentils. How wonderful. I love lentils. They're
so delicious and good for you. That nice man called Jay from across the street wants to meet us later. He's going away soon and he wants to give us all of his food and his DIY equipment. What a lovely thought. I hope he's going somewhere nice. Probably. What time does he want to meet us? 2.45pm. Oh, a perfect time to meet someone. Don't you think? Much better than midnight. Shall we both go? It'll be good to see Jay before he gets killed off. I mean, goes away
on his travels. Wasn't it lovely of Jay to leave us all of his stuff? It's a shame he couldn't make it. He must have left early for his holiday or something. Yes, we've got plenty of food now. We just need water. Oh, no. The water's been turned off. Who do you suppose has done that? I don't know. Perhaps the nice men and women in charge have sent all the water to the splash parks. We're all the children are staying. Yeah, yeah,
keep that up. I bet they're having so much fun and not thinking of all the adults left behind having to fend for themselves. Did he? Don't move it. Do you want to go to the lake to collect some water? I'm sure we can avoid the zombies and the virus along the way. Okay, let's go. Such a lovely warm day. Uh oh. There's a zombie that's heading towards us. What are we going to do? I'll handle this. Excuse me, Mr. Zombie. Me and my husband are
just on our way to collect some water from the lake. Would it mind awfully if we go past? Okay. I'm sorry. I can't write that in. It's against the zombie lore or something. They can make growling noises, can't they? I guess. So they can grow like. Okay, no problem. Grunt me. If you say so. Excuse me, Mr. Zombie. Me and my husband are just on our way to collect some water from the lake. Would it mind awfully if we go past?
Okay. Okay. So, what do you think? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No problem. Thank you so much. Do you want us to bring you back some water, Mr. Zombie? No, thank you. Is that how Mr. Beam? So the man and his wife collected the water from the lake and made it clean so they could drink it. And they put a bowl of water down for the zombies in case they were thirsty. It's like their head jokes. It's not mucking
about. It's your line. So, food, check, water, check. Oh, now we need transport. But everyone drove their cars away when they fled. I mean, when they went to all the safe places. Whatever can we do? I know we could go up to the old people's home to collect some mobility scooters and we can drive around in them. What a great idea. Do you think the care staff and all the old folk were mined as burrowing their vehicles? No, they're all dead.
Lease serious about helping out. All old people are always friendly. Wow, riding around the town on these scooters is such fun. And we get to see all these nice zombies. Hello there. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Look, what's that? Some pictures of you and me and a message saying, looking forward to seeing you signed to watch. Wow, these watch guys sound amazing. Let's try and find them
and definitely not we in their fur moss. I don't know why you specifically left in that part in the story, but yes, let's go and find these lovely people. I bet we could all be friends forever and ever. So the man and his wife found more friendly, helpful people around the town of Farrondon and became friends with lots and lots of zombies. It's important to be nice and try and get along with people. Don't you think, Aaron? Even ones that are
completely different to you? Absolutely Katie. Even the drooling, pus-filled, maggot-infested rotten, unrelenting, merciless piles of filth that we call zombies. Oh my goodness. This has been Z1, a children's story. And to finish the show, we'd like to say a big thank you to all the children who took part. They were all amazing. In order of appearance, they were Chloe, Abby, Edward, Leyla, Logan, Connor, Beatrice and Edward again who played the
zombie downstairs. Thanks also to the parents and guardians for being such good sports and for answering our call. And if you would like to take part in the show and be a zombie in season two, then head to our website to find out how. The link is in the show notes. Thank you for listening, Fedda Survivors. Don't pay too much for car insurance. Drivers who switch and save could save hundreds.
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