Let me finish. This is the first time I committed a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it, you know, like something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate Bath, you're thras.
Did my shit put any trash ship?
You're a worst friend, the.
One to know why you're all fucked up. Just look at the fucking problems to hang around with. You're listening to your worst friend of Shane and Matt. I'm Matt and I'm joined today by my friend and co host Shane.
What's up y'all? Breaking Bad fans? Have you heard of the show Breaking Bad?
Nope, never heard of it.
It's good. Check it out. It's on AMC or something.
What was your analysis of today's show? We are recording the intro post show.
My analysis of today's show. There's a lot of good advice for how to deal with the holidays. There's recipes, there's uh, there's there's love, there's uh, there's heartfelt moments, there's funny parts. So it's like, uh, it's kind of like a holiday movie, right, like like Home Alone three. You know, it's like there's all these funny parts, there's all these adventurous parts. There's these really smart parts, like what the traps he sets, But at the end of
the day, it's really heartfelt, emotional. It's a personal story about a little kid with chicken pox and how much he loves his neighbor.
Literally all of that is in the Patreon and none of that is in this episode you're about to listen to. So enjoy. All right, I started making a list. I am this kind of I'm in full war mode right now.
Okay, oh okay? Is that is that like an illusioned? Is this like a some sort of analogy that I should know?
Like?
What is war mode in regards to Matt's list?
Oh?
Different hit list?
No, no, no, no, no, no, different people that I have to target for different reasons to do different things to them because they have spied me in some way or something I didn't like about them.
What are you trying to, Like, you get inspired so you can pin a sequel to Dirty Work?
No, I'm trying to get people fired from their jobs and possibly kill themselves.
Yeah it sounds like just a more edgy dirty Work.
Yeah, it's like a twenty twenty four dirty Work like The Crow. Well, I haven't watched it yet whoa we did a few weeks ago.
Oh was that a piece of shit?
It looks like it that movie, I mean, such a piece of shit. I just fresh out of a dog's ass, fucking slightly wet, like a sixty percent moisture content shit like the consistency of fresh mozzarella, just kind of but a little more like goofy pouring out of the ass of a fucking small dog with bowel sickness.
That's a that's like a big meal movie, like not not eating, but that's like, if I'm going to be cooking a big meal that requires my attention, have that shit on in the background, and I'll just every time something really stupid happens, I'll notice it.
You know that, I'm pretty good at doing something mindless while listening to a movie or something, you know, so I can like absorb a out of it. And I remember I was editing something, and when I edit, I keep one headphone in here. When I'm doing the interview show, I keep one headphone in, but I'm reading the text to cut along with the transcription of it, basically, sure, and I'm basically paying attention to the entire Crow movie.
The whole time, and it's that nuanced huh.
It's so it was just it was just it was nothing. It was just gunk. It's just drag. It's just nothing. It was sitting there, you know.
Yeah. I mean I don't even really like the original Crow that much, but I appreciate that it has like a cult fandom. I watched it maybe a year ago.
That's why I'm a big rust fan.
Because oh oh yeah the Baldwin movie. Yeah yeah, it's this similar, similar mishap on set. But the Crow, the original Crow was objectively like an interesting premise, right, It's like, what is it? It's like he's reincarnated after his girl gets fucking raped to death and he goes on a revenge free He's also got a crow ghost attached to him or something, and it's got what is that, Michael Wincott, That that really squinty eyed bad guy who's got like
a uh uh, Christopher Lambert style Highlander wig. It's like such a stupid villain. Is the Crow is not a good movie?
What we're talking about?
He's in.
What else? Was he in?
Was he in Alien Resurrection? Yeah? What else?
Robinhood, Prince of Thieves. It looks like Three Musketeers is a good movie. I haven't seen that since I was little.
Yeah, it's not bad.
It's kind of fun from what I remember. Isn't the fat one in that? Isn't I have that guy?
You know, that fat Andre that John Candy?
No, Oliver one of those guys.
Oliver Platt is such a great like, uh if if you and I didn't know movies, we would know his fucking name. But he is such a good, like forgettable side character actor. He's so great if you need like a historian to do like four scenes and and give you the intel on like the bad guys and their belief system and all this shit, or you know, the ancient ruine writing. But you don't. You don't want to see him like kiss somebody or get his dick sucked.
He's an exposition character.
Yeah great.
He's great for showing up and being like that's what and you know what he's good at with a couple of quippie lines and shit too.
Oh yeah, yeah, he can give him an attitude.
This is a big time Oliver Platt fucking podcast. Okay, we're big ups Oliver Platt old day long.
Yeah, let's see if we can get Oliver Platt on here for the finale.
Gentlemen, we present to you Oliver Platt, and we just have him do the aultro to.
First question was that you and flat liners ask him things.
Hey, was that you and that one? And goes, yeah, you go, man, Keefer was great in that, right, he's just pointing out whoever the lead was that was really great in that movie.
Man, they put you in there with Keefer, Kevin Bacon and Julia Roberts. God damn, you must have shipped your pants the first day of shooting.
Huh, Oliver, Oliver, really wonderful to have you on here. Now, let me ask you. You did Three Musketeers with Keefer Sutherland and Charlie Sheen. Did you know Keifer Sutherland was just a terrible alcoholic and Charlie Sheen would eventually get aids.
Oh you did? Oh?
Oh, I was just going to promote The Bear season two on DVD. Oh you're in the Bear, Yeah he is.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, we're still on the interview. You're in that.
Oh sure, we haven't checked any of his new roles or any of his new credits. We're still we're on nineteen ninety six.
Nice, what's that, like, you get paid for that or what is it?
I just assume you're kind of like Danny Treyhoe. You just do everything.
Now, Yeah, what was it? I saw someone put out a podcast, maybe they interviewed Danny Treyhoe or something, but they said Danny Trejo's tattoo is more recognnisible than him. I don't, I don't. I don't know anymore, but for a long long time.
Yeah, boy, who was.
That guy with that tattoo on his chest.
In con Air? He was definitely the guy with the tattoo on his chest.
That's a new Swedish novel coming along. The guy with the tattoo on his chest follow I don't know that broad. That was a hacker or rapist or whatever.
The girl with the fucking tattoo. Yeah, girl with the fucking tattoo.
Tattoo?
Did you uh? Did you know die Hard as a novel before as a movie?
No? Really?
Yeah, isn't that dumb? Yeah, that's really dumb.
He's been right. He walks around the fucking he climbs through the things a lot.
He ran over the glass and it was really pointy.
Imagine you pictured like some hard ass cop not having like the charisma of a Bruce Willis as you're reading that this is the most boring fucking yippie kaye, motherfucker. He's been so straight laced the whole time.
Yeah, I never read the book, so it could be like I think it's kind of like an imitation Tom Clancy. Okay, but I've never read it, so I can't really comment. But uh, the the idea like certain kind of like an adventure book is exciting, right, like if people are like solving puzzles like the Da Vinci Code. I don't like the da Vinci Code, but I get why people like it. It's an adventure right, It's like Indiana Jones.
But I can't like the I can't just get into the idea of like I've never been compelled to read a Tom Clancy book or a Rogue Warrior novel, like the idea of just reading like action scenes and tactical warshit like I'm good.
Yeah, I bet the guys that know that stuff though, like in depth, love those things, isn't Isn't that what Clancy was known for being like so accurate with a lot.
But I think now he's a ghost, right?
Is he alive?
I don't know. I think that now Tom Clancy is at I think he is a name that he's sold.
No, he died in twenty thirteen.
Do people still write under his name?
I'll look it up. That's a good question. But I think what you're thinking of James Patterson does that a lot. James Patterson has a lot of co authors, and apparently they write the books. He looks them over and then slaps his name on it. That's why I think he's actually the ritt. No, it's probably JK. Rowling Ox honestly. But Patterson is, like, I think, above Stephen King for richest authors.
Oh oh, I believe that. Yeah, I've seen so many James Patterson. Like you go to uh a good will and they'll have like two racks of books. One of the racks is half Patterson half Stephen King.
All right, give me an estimate on the net worth for which one is Patterson.
Uh two hundred and fifty million.
Okay, give me an estimate on the net worth of Stephen King eighty million, Stephen King four hundred million. Holy shit, James Patterson just double that number eight million dollars. James Patterson from writing what shitting Andrew likes.
Two Morgan Freeman adaptations.
Okay along, Chemi Spider was good.
Though, Yes, the Girl's really good too.
Yeah, I like that one too. They're pretty sick. Actually, I kind of like those movies. We've talked about it. I don't know if we talked about it on air or off air, and we've probably talked about on air, but I like those movies to those though, oh yeah we did, because last week I think we talked about.
The Jackal right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like those kind of like the crime like psychological type things and oh god, he set us up, you know. Like the ultimate example is seven, I think in terms of.
I was just thinking seven.
Yeah, like the best done one is seven. I would say of those type of.
Movies, seven is like seven has this aesthetic that it's I still don't have a word for it, but things strike me a certain way, like I get a certain feeling when I watch certain movies or certain shows or hear certain music. And the only feeling I can really put to it is the movie seven. It's like, oh wow, it's like that. It's just like this dirty, gritty, like kind of hidden, like painful, like traumatic. It's just like
this really like icky place and the like. There's really no good word that I can fix, like a subgenre or anything like that. But every like so hereditary, I would say, goes there right. Hereditary is just like it's just like the family drama and the gore and the fact that there's no happiness of any kind at the end. It's just like it's a really the movie is meaning to upset you, is kind of the point, you know, And that's not that's not all there is to it.
But seven for me is like anytime a movie or a show or anything gets me there, it's like in my head, I'm like, oh, that's like seven. You know, it's really that iconic to me.
Seven to me, if you were to paint it with a word, it would be like despair. Just everything every shot in it is dark. There's rain constantly. Even the interiors when they're in the house is lit darkly. And the whole point is, I don't think there's like a moment of joy in that movie whatsoever.
I think the only moment of joy is actually when Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman they both chuckle on a couch at brad Pitt's apartment, and this is that's like at the halfway point when they kind of become friends finally when they have dinner. But yeah, I think that is like that's the only recipe bit or respite, however you say that word that you get and then I think it's kind of like to lully you into this this idea of like, oh, okay, these guys are becoming friends.
I can see like the movie like at the end, these guys are gonna come out on top. This is a pretty fucking crazy movie. But these two they're gonna work together now and they're gonna catch the bad guy and everything's be okay. And then it doesn't do that at all, you know.
And then they cut to the shot of the kitchen and you see Gwyneth Paltrow and you go, oh, I bet someone's gonna cut her fucking head off.
Probably, yeah, I bet someone's gonna mail her head to back to these two fellas.
That was the third movie I watched with Jen when I was courting her was seven. The first movie was The Shining. The second movie was thirteen.
That movie stunk.
Ah, well, I'll beyond beyond a little kid though, when you're a no, maybe uh, when you're a kid though. Those kids are kind of hot, you know.
Yeah, yeah, when you're a kid.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yea yeah. I think I was like twenty now.
I remember watching that with you in high school.
The four dude. Okay, all right, it is dunkay. Uh, there was a The fourth movie we watched was Faces of Death.
So I was bummed when I found out that's fake.
Yeah, but we didn't know that was fake. It was like for me, it was like two thousand and eight, and like, you know, maybe even two thousand setting out two thousand and eight.
It was before everything could be debunked.
Yeah, it was.
It was before oxygen could be debunked.
Is oxygen debunked?
Now? Dude, you can debunk anything now. It's just like use AI, right.
I gotta check community notes on that one.
Just ask Jeeves. Is that the new AI?
No, it's I have asked Jeeves? Is that the new AI? Can I use that for AI ing things?
Ask Jeeves? Is if you ask me, like, now is the perfect time for a comeback?
That's true? You can make an AI called Jeeves, right, yep, yeah, what you do? Yeah, yeah, you might as well just ask it. It's pretty good actually, Holy shit, you should really sell that to someone.
Jeeves. Yeah, I should get touch the Jeeves Corporation and ask them if they'd be interested in my idea. Hey, you guys want to go back in business. I know you you've all fucking retired and went on to buy Pedophile Islands in the Caribbean.
But yeah, those of you that sold high, we know you went to buy Pedophile Organization or you know, islands Forum organizations. Those of you who held on because you believed in the mission, you now have ten million shares of pets dot Com stock that are fucking bankrupt.
That that actually reminds me of what I watched over the weekend. I saw the Zoe Kravitz movie Blink twice.
Oh, I have that downloaded. I kind of want to watch it.
Okay. It's really ambitious, really well shot, good movie. Right, it's easy to figure out exactly everything that's going on. I feel like, I feel like it's a really good idea. Okay, So it's kind of like a less Yeah, it's it's it's it's almost like a girl version of get Out. And the reason I'm gonna say it's less like like groundbeare breaking or like jaw dropping is just because you've seen get Out, you know, it's kind of this is kind of like a Lady get Out. But it was
still a really good movie. It was really enjoyable. I thought Channing Tatum, I thought he's been a good actor for a while. But I I realized that he's kind of like a joke. But I thought he was really good. I thought he gave he gave like a pretty honest, decent performance.
Yeah, I haven't watched it yet. I notice I'm starting to get real. And by the way, Jen and I assessed this the other today when she was picking her up from work. I am aware people don't use the term retardant anymore. I use it every other sentence. But I don't mean like the drooling kid at your work, like who fucking bangs groceries?
You mean an idiot?
Yeah, I mean an asshole in the same way. Like you know, I'm trying not to say it as much anymore, but like, you know, you call a guy a fag, I don't mean a gay guy.
Yeah, Yeah, you mean like a fucking like an idiot pussy bitch.
Andrew's homophobic and I think he's a fag.
Yeah, Well, that. I mean, being homophobic is like the most faggy thing you could do, is it. I mean, there's like be homophobic, and then there's suck a cock as a man, and then there's spray paint. I am a faggot hater.
Can I tell you a story I've never told anyone before and it somewhat relates to that?
Oh oh boy, okay, just I.
Save it for the finale. I'm just kidding.
Leave me, leave out, leave out any specific places, so that way you don't incriminate yourself, because if I think that, the Supreme Court recently ruled there's no statute of limitations for hate crimes. Gotcha? Gotcha?
So I was working in best Buy in Princeton, and it was the six weeks after I got dumped and before I started.
Dating Jen your only single time.
Yes, and my ex was in college doing her college stuff. Probably, you know, getting blown out? Shut the fuck up? Yeah? Probably? Oh, dude, it don't happen to I don't want to. I don't care that it happened. You don't spread your pain to everybody else.
Oh no, it's I'm over it, dude. You just get over it.
Did I talk to my mom? The other day, I go, I have this, I have this. No, I was talking about the cat dated and I've told everyone in my life. I go, my biggest fear is he is one eye. I don't want him to get any kind of infection because then you got a blind cat that's shitting in a diaper for the next fifth teen years because he's only two.
Then you got to put it in the bathtub and yeah for a.
While, exactly here take a swim. But I was talking to my mom, I was like, yeah, David's got this weird breath thing. His breath fucking stinks and not like a normal cat, like he's got like an issue. I think cats have good breath, dental I love smelling cat breath. You have to be a contrarian with everything, don't you. I just love it. Sometimes I save it in jars and smell cat breath.
I only have but one cat, so I don't know. Maybe other cats stink, but my cat is perfect.
That's like guys with their chicks pussies. It's like, well just kind of smells like water.
Yeah, maybe, dude. I've met dudes who have told me like, oh, it's stinks.
But well, no, that's fair. But I think there's a percentage of the guy saying, oh, it's just like water, who's their chicks fucking pussies?
Absolutely?
Yeah, absolutely, for sure.
Yeah. I mean just like there's a percentage of people who are like, no, my mom doesn't have kleptomania, but she does.
Why a rider's kid? I don't.
I don't want to incriminate myself.
Yes, okay, So I was talking to my mom and I was like, David's got this word breath thing, blah blah blah, and she goes, it's probably just an infection, an affection. It's like, hey, man, that would be like if you went, hey, I have a stomach ache and you were concerned about greater things, and I went, it's probably cancer. There's a lot of cancer going around nowadays.
It's probably just an ulcer that's rupturing.
Hey, we went to high school. Now, there was a Spanish teacher. No no, no, no, no no. I don't think you're gonna know where thin, white face, black hair missus begins with the W.
Yes, I do remember both the Spanish teachers. There was Gomez, the thick one, and then the other one. Oh my god, I don't remember, but I remember, I'll just like a student teacher, wasn't she.
No, no, no, not this lady. So maybe there was someone else or something like that. I don't know, because this is an older not old, but older lady.
Okay.
And the other she always does laps around my mom's neighborhood, just just does laps because she lives down the street. And fucking the other day, her husband was outside and she goes, all right, I love you, I see you later, honey. This guy waves to me every day, nicest guy in the world. He was just sitting on a chair in his backyard. She went on her walk, came back, touched him on the shoulder.
Gone, someone dry by him in his backyard.
Yeah, fucking triads, a bunch of Asian guys on craw rockets, ripping through the fucking one eighth of an acre backyard.
I didn't know they had made their way that far east.
Yeah, but I just I felt so bad for him, And that brought me to completely forget what today is and what tomorrow is and all of that shit.
Tomorrow's your birthday.
And today's the two year anniversary of my dad dying.
Oh, that's sad that I had to be the day before your birthday.
Yeah, I told the cop on the phone as she was telling me, And I felt real stupid in the moment doing it, but it was literally the only words that came out of my mouth. And it makes me sound selfish, but it's not what I meant. It's it just was like, give me one more day. I kind of meant. She was like, unfortunately he's passed on boa and I was just like, but tomorrow's my birthday. As if that would you know, you know, oh yeah, you
could just go, oh yeah, well get them to you. You can have them through the weekend.
Then well that's a you know, like everybody reacts differently to everything. It's probably a completely normal thing like that people say all the time, like not specifically their birthday, but oh but we're supposed to do this or we had this planned or something like that. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's like you're allowed to be selfish when huge things happen, you know.
Well see, and that's that's that's kind of what I wanted to clarify. I know, I know how that sounds like if someone said that, I would immediately be like, oh, that's a it's a selfish thing you went into real quick there, and that's okay. You know, you were in a moment of shock or whatever. But I didn't feel at all selfish in that. It was almost like a bargaining thing in the immediate I almost was in my head. I was like, no, no, no, I don't need my birthday,
just bring them back. As silly as that trade sounds, it's just I was on my knees with my mother screaming in the background.
You know, sure, well, yeah, I mean that's like that's the thing is selfish doesn't.
Have to have a negative connotation.
We yeah, we attach connotations to everything, right, Like it can just be like that. That's like the thing. And in Buddhism, it's like so hard to get your head around. Is like not being attached to the emotions. It's just like or the things or the people in your life, like but letting them be. And that doesn't mean you don't love people. It doesn't mean, you know, it doesn't mean any of the things you probably want to just
jump to. It's more about like like one, not trying to control outcomes, two not trying to change the way you feel, and three it's just about acceptance and just being present right then and there, and like that was probably like I mean, you go through every day right distracted by it's just like just so distracted. You're never in the moment at any time in a normal day. It's like you're thinking about all the things you have to do. You're working, you're cooking, you're cleaning, you're helping
people around the house. Even when you get a moment to relax, you probably watch a movie or you're doing something that involves your brain, and you're never just like sitting there feeling the moment, feeling whatever it is that's
going through you emotionally, mentally. And that moment when you said to the police officer, oh, well, but it's my birthday tomorrow or however you said it sure, And that was probably the first time, I mean, and it's in it the fact that you're like you say, like, oh, I just maybe it was bargaining, But the fact that you kind of just like don't even have an explanation
for it kind of tells me. It's like, well, that was probably the first time in a long time you were just in the moment, you know, you were just right there, present and it's like, yeah, you were like maybe trying to think about, oh how do I change this, doing a little bit of that bargaining, but you couldn't, you know, so it's just like, yeah, it's just like a slap in the face. You just hit. You're just
where do you go? What do you do? And at moments like that, maybe I don't know, it probably took you a few seconds or a minute or something. I don't know how long it took you, but then you probably just went right back into oh, well, what do I do next? How do I help my mother? What's who do I call? Do I go to the hospital? Like all these things immediately come back and they take you out of the moment, right You're already planning for the future and trying to plan outcomes and do all
this shit. But yeah, those moments like they're real, like they stick with you for a reason, like they're they're like growing changing, They're the most important moments, you know, like even if it was really sad, Yeah, it's just like it's it is. It is not to I hate that like platitude cliche thing where it's like, oh, everything is learning experience or everything happens for a reason or whatever.
But it's like, if you don't want to live in misery and regret, you have to you have to see it that way, you know, or or you're just always going to be down when you think about it, and you can be sad, But it's like, do you always want to be sad? When you think about it?
Does anyone? Oh no, that's a good yeah when you think about it. You say, I was gonna say, does anyone want to be sad? You know?
Like sometimes you need to be.
Need to be and want to.
Be are two different things, though, But I don't want but at least where I'm at in my life now, I don't want to fool myself, I don't want to deceive myself, you know. So it's like if I'm sad, I don't want to like lie to myself that I'm not. But I also don't want to fling and and.
I say, I say, well, I say myer, I say those words. Yeah right, Oh I get that too, But but to me, that's not but you're not. No, I see, I'm not correcting you. I'm just I see a little differently. It's it's you're not It's not a sadness you're falling into I'm gonna to be sad the rest of my life. Like sadness is okay, you can still operate in sadness. You what you can't call into is like a depression.
That's when it starts. I don't want to use it like a clinical term, but I'm saying something deeper than a sadness, something that almost affects you physically. Maybe I'm just tearing them differently because there's things that make me sad every day. That's like calling, you know, this guy a racist and then David Duke. They're not the same thing, you know, I get that.
The Duke's brother, he's black, Yeah, David David Duke, Duke's brother from another mother, Yeah, Jamal Duke, the same father, Dwan Duke. Yeah. But no, I think so I'm not you're not correcting me, because I totally get your point, but I think you're just kind of missing mind. The point is, so it's not like I'm saying, oh, well, when you feel sad, think about other things to make yourself happy. That's just more attachment, that's more changing your outcomes.
That's more of when you feel sad, You've got to acknowledge that you're sad, and you've got to try and unpack why you feel sad, and you've got to try and accept that you're sad. That's the key. You just and and acceptance will help you move on. You You you literally can't stay sad forever, right, Eventually you're gonna have for stuff to do. No, you're gonna have another list to make.
No, I'm gonna be sad, That's true. I will have to make another warning too, lest You're.
Right, you'll be You'll be too busy to be sad at some point, and then you can go back to being sad later. But yeah, like there's really like the point I'm trying to get across is that even though like death anniversaries and stuff, they can be a reminder of really bad time or really you know. So so for instance, like every year your birthday doesn't have to be a bad day or a sad day, or you don't have to force yourself to be somber in in
remembrance or anything. Like You're allowed to have your birthday and you're allowed to just wake up one day and feel good on your birthday, you know, and either or you can wake up and feel sad, and either one is okay, right. But the point is is that you don't have to affix yourself to a specific feeling indefinitely or at all. You just have to process that. You just have to accept it and try and and try and feel it and move on.
I think that's my biggest problem with the whole thing is the I don't like accepting what I know to be the absolutely the only definite fact is that he's not coming back, and my brother's not coming back. And you said about the birthday, well to the day before, maybe the next day. Remember a year later, we put the cat down on my birthday. So it was like, so I get what you're saying, and I know you're just using that as a gentle example, but like, I
don't need to be happy on my birthday anymore. I'll find another day, Saint Patrick's Day or fucking flag Day or something. I'm a big time flag day guy.
Okay, I like Boxing Day.
Uh fucking my cat likes Boxing Day because he's British, and I just I can't stand it.
I thought that was Canadian and I think it's British.
Isn't Canadian? Pretty much British don't they have on their money now they got cucked on their money. You're thinking of Montreal.
That's Canada.
Yeah, that's part of Canada. That's like going Arkansas. You go, that's America, and you go, yeah it is. It's a little different than Oregon though.
And they do have a different language in Arkansas.
Jen's dad lived in Arkansas for a while.
Actually, what dialect did he speak? What dialect? Or trailer?
Well, the warm kind? He burned it death in a trailer.
Okay, Well, that's that's nice, dude.
One last thing I gotta deal with I'll put it downway.
Well, I mean, it's better than a cold one. Oh.
Sorry, I was thinking about myself in death again. That's general what I do.
Oh dude, I'm so glad my parents are on the other side of the country. I'm not gonna have to deal with their shit when they're dead.
My fucking plan was always Pat cleans himself up, but not enough to like move out and stuff. So he just takes care of my parents as they age elderly and pass away at ninety nine years old in their bed and whatever. And now I'm fucking on the hook, and you know what's sorry, my aunt just went into a home. Right, Oh boy, my aunt Marie.
How much older is your aunt then your mom?
A few years but not a few, like few years, a few like twelve? Uh probably seven?
Okay, yeah.
But also Aunt Marie's had a rough fucking life. Okay, is this the Muslim? No? No, no, no, no, that's my cousin, Aunt Marie is. She was married to the hunter who had disability. And when anytime people use the argument like guns bad, guns bad, all guns bad, I always point to my uncle. My uncle was on disability. But they didn't make enough money even with his disability to like live in a fucking what is it called a home? Townhouse in Trenton, like in a bad part of Trenton too.
I'm just we're past it. I'm just saying all everything. Yeah, but they lived and he would go out on the weekends with his buddies and he would hunt, and his buddies would be able to lift the stuff and whatever, and they dress it. And for fucking forty years or fifty years, all they ate was venison and fish.
What are you hunt in Trenton?
No? No, yeah, no, they would probably go to the I don't even know where you go for I was gonna say the Pocono's, but I and yeah here, I have always thought the Pocono's were tropical. That's how dumb I am.
Mountains.
I didn't know they were in Pennsylvania for the longest time.
It's like the only rocky part of Pennsylvania.
Mm hm.
New Jersey's so weird though, because you can be in a city and you can drive for five minutes and be in a pretty kind of rural suburb and then you can drive for five more minutes and be in the middle of fucking nowhere, just like trees everywhere as far as the eye can see, just blocking everything. It's a weird state like that. So yeah, I'm I mean, that's why there's dead deer all over the fucking freeway.
There really are. Yeah, it's uh, but but that was That's always been Again, it's a totally anecdotal argument. Anytime anyone's like, dude, don't need guns to go blo, I always say, well, my my uncle in an instance, did he did use it there in that way? So I have one example. I have one example of how cool guns are. You want to hear something real.
Cross, I have an example.
He died probably ten years ago, and she moved into her mother's house and there is a cooler in there that has been turned off for ten years.
Your meat, Oh shit, well it's probably liquefied by now. You can just go open the plug, you know, right out.
Oh that was the worst thing I've ever seen on this show. What what'd you just do?
I just fucking coughed the lugie into my can.
To your can of mountain? No? No, what is it? Monster?
Sorry? Monster? Yeah, but it's a it's an empty can. I'm not going to redrink the lukie.
Okay, that's still great. Did you have to do it right into the camera?
Yeah, dude, because if I didn't, if I like held my head off camera like this was I think I was doing sucking someone's dick.
A little bit?
Yeah, exactly.
I guess I could. I could picture that, you know. Fucking Uh? What was I saying? Warm?
Moude? No?
Wait, my aunt? Oh they just checked my aunt into a home, and my mother's doing all we were just talking about life and shit like that. My mother's doing all this paperwork for her. She's chasing it because Marie has no one else. Her kid's a fucking scumbag and whatever. So she's chasing it, chasing all this paperwork and getting it all organized.
On her certificate, like all that shit.
Well, so they're gonna sell her house so she can move into that home, and they're gonna do this and that, So she's she's paying all or she's figuring out how to pay all the back taxes that Mario's and fucking you know, all the PaperWorks in order.
This is one thing I think we do need the government for, not even because like everybody is not going to have a family member to help out. It's just like families need help with this shit too. It's like there's a lot of shit involved with moving a person into a home, even if you're paying for it. And I assume like you're not going to just dump her off in some you know, like some state funded shithole.
You're selling the house. The house money is going to go to getting her like a pretty decent spot she likes.
Where she's at. I think it is a Medicaid or Medicare or one of those ones. I think at a certain point, like my mother had to come off of her own insurance and go on meta.
Yeah, at a certain point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so so I think it's one of those situations where Marie's old enough where it's like they're starting to take that. So it takes that. But apparently she likes it. She's very comfortable with it. She was one of those people who was so I'm not due, I'm not going, and then you know, they get called buck you fuck you. Don't let him touch me. He's black. That's my chair. Marie would shout that. By the way. Uh, Marie's got a history of saying really inappropriate things all
the time. But she's dr yeah, yeah, yeah, go for her free speech. Okay, she loves Elon.
She keeps it real.
She doesn't know what a tweet is.
Okay, well it's called an axe now, stupid.
Yeah, I should have known that.
That's why. That's why she's like, you.
Made an axe, you fucking Maron, fucking liberal cook. Get out of my facility, Ramone. Carry this scumbag out. I saw, I'm att saw you gotta go, buddy, Miss Marie, you to leave.
It's gonna be her baptim soon anyway, Ramone.
I need a spongebath.
I like the folds lifted up.
So my mother's up till two in the morning, like every night the last two weeks, digging through all her shit and like finding all the stuff from Marie and organizing it and this and that, and I have been saying to her since my dad died, Hey, can we just make an XL or a word document and you list like where you have life insurance, where you have this and that? Like, so it's not a fuck. So I'm not calling every life insurance company when she passes,
and in a situation I've never done before. Yeah, I'm calling Clobe Life and going, do you know my mommy? She's not here anymore? Can I have money? Like? What are we talking about?
She's so your mom is uh? Does she have like one of those fire boxes, you know, the like the they have a little key And it's like, I.
Say, she just gave it to me. I have one? No, should give me an empty one? She don't want to keep it anymore?
Oh okay, so what? Okay?
So I know you'll juice in my eye?
Oh here, I know enough about my dad to know that if he dies, he'll probably have a will in a safe deposit box, and he'll probably have a copy around the house. That's just what I know about my mom or my dad. And I know enough about my mom to know that she wouldn't even know how to file a will with an attorney or what is the fucking person who does the stamp the uh? What are those people who.
Do notary or something?
Notary?
Yeah?
Yeah, notary. Yeah. So like my mom will probably just be a war of the state or something and just they'll sit. They'll mail me some ashes in eighteen years. But it's like, I know enough about my dad to know, Okay, I have some reasonable leads. You have no clue at all where any of your mom's death stuff is.
I mean no, no, and I would have to dig through just an incredible amount of shit to try and find it. But that's the irony, isn't it. She's seeing how much of a hassle it's gonna be. Yeah, and she's still not you know, I'll get around to it.
Everyone's crying.
I told you I got some kind of I got baked juice in my eye and I poured water in it while you were talking. It is fucked right now.
You look like you got sprayed. Look, oh that's cool. Do you want to go put your head in the toilet. No, it's gonna No, that's where Robin Williams. I'm not gonna put my head where I come. Okay, disgusting animal. Yeah, I lit my head on the carpet either.
I think I had lotional ma hands too. Fuck. This hurts so bad. I can't open my fucking eye.
If you add a third ingredient, it'll neutral. That's the rule of threes.
What's the third ingredient? Hot sauce? Is there enough capsation in that? Clean my eye?
Up?
Glass? Just a ruble bunch of glass in your eye? Hey, they did something in the first season of OZ and I want to know if it's real.
What did they do in the first season of US?
So O'Reilly They were trying to kill some old mob boss and O'Reilly obviously Mayhem from the All State commercials or whatever. Okay, he was crushing up glass, very very fine and putting it in this guy's food. And eventually the idea was after weeks or months or whatever, there would be so many micro scratches in his stomach it would eventually burst.
I don't think so.
Really, even months of eating glass.
No, because you can't eat glass, and the smaller the glass the better your results. So really jagged, like big pieces of glass in your mouth, you can crunch them up and break them up real small with your teeth. You don't even have to move the glass around with your tongue. You can just like grit your teeth and break it up real slow. That's how a lot of these guys, who they're illusionists, but they're like extreme body fuckers, they do real glass eating. And that's how you do it.
Is that what uh what's his name? Does street magical black people? You know when he bites? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, see him when he bites the glass.
I think he does. And I think he uses like blood capsules or stuff or something, uh because uh, or maybe he just does cut himself. I don't know, but yeah, he literally does swall.
Don't think. I don't think he bleeds though he never really needs when he does it.
Uh, doesn't he bleed when he sticks the needle through his arm?
Maybe even if it's not chewing glass?
Yeah, okay, yeah, I haven't seen it in a while, but yeah, several illusionists do this. I've seen Darren Brown eat glass. But yeah, you can swallow it, and the smaller you bite it, the better. It'll come out your asshole. So I think that it's actually wrong. The show OZ about guys in jail.
Yeah, the first season of OZ, maybe medically there's medical misinformation in the first season of OZ.
Then this first season of Doctor OZ has some medical misinformation.
Fucking what was I going back to war mode? War mode? Or was there something else?
Well, there's your aunt going into the home, and then there's war mode.
So they ain't going in the home. Was mostly just about the irony of not of understanding what a burden you're leaving to somebody, but still saying eh, yeah, eh here.
You want to know something ironic. Ever since I was a kid, I've been seeing these fucking ads for smoking, and they show like black lungs, and they show graphs of how much money you waste over a life time. They show like black teeth, and they make it look really uncool because the kids don't want to do it at parties. And now as an adult, those implications are even more salient. They're like, I understand them with grave imperatance,
but I don't give a fuck. I smoke like eleven cigarettes a day, sometimes thirteen, and I don't care that I'm gonna have be a burden on my kid in like, I don't know, twenty five thirty years, because he's gonna have to fucking clean my stoma for me.
I think that your stomach's gonna rot out from it.
No, you can have a stoma in your oh, in your throat.
Yeah, wouldn't that be a tray cole?
Yeah? But the hole is the stoma?
Oh I thought I thought the stoma is the fact that a piece comes out of it.
Well, yeah, I mean maybe it is. Maybe the I don't know, maybe there's a diff thing for the whole. But I know it's a stoma in both spots, so maybe it's just a little piece that attaches.
No, a stoma is a surgical opening in the abdomen. Oh.
Really, So what's the thing in your throat called?
What's a throat hole called?
Not the hole? The little plastic thing creak?
Trachy o stomy, trachea stomy, stony. Tracheostomy is a procedure. Oh is a procedure, Oh, trach stone?
What's the tube? Tell me?
The tube the throat called tube is an opening surgical surgically created. Yeah, it's the trachea stomy. It's not the tube.
What's that tube called? You want to know the name of the tube. It's a baby cop It's a man of COTTI.
What a man cos? Is that a fucking one of those Italian things.
It's one of those like tube poodles.
I haven't had shells and cheese in like the longest time.
I had it yesterday for thinking it was a good Yeah, my wife made it. It wasn't like my grandma's because my grandma did it like the poverty way with American cheese. So my wife made it like fancy with like age cheddar, and it was like it was really creamy and stuff. It was really good, had a crispy layer on top and everything. But I just missed that. It's just like that poverty mac and cheese.
You know, you're talking about mac and cheese. I'm talking about stuff, fucking stuff noodles.
Oh, you're talking about those big giant shells full of the cocatta cheese.
Wikatta and fuck that's gross tomatoes. So oh yeah, that's great. I thought you were I thought you were telling me your grandmother used to make those stuffed shells with fucking American cheese. I was like, oh my god, this kid was abused so bad.
It sounds pretty good.
No, it doesn't stop. It sounds gross. It sounds like something you make in a lunch room and dare so for the fucking retarded kid to eat it.
Oh, dude, like when we used to make Brendan eat the French dressing, I drink it.
I couldn't do that shit. I thought that was the grossest fucking shit in the world. When like Jared Inger Saw would fucking sit there mixing up barbecue sauce, ketchup mustard mayo and they're like, you will the toast it now?
Fuck?
Oh, I don't want to taste that monstrosity you made on your plate. Why don't you eat shit and die?
How much were you give me to eat it? Do?
I'll fucking put a gun to your head and kill you if I had one. Right now, Jesus, I'm in warm mode?
What is? What is warm?
Ode again?
And why are you so unhappy? Because it's an anniversary of your your birthday? I'm going to war on birthday.
I'm gonna start saying that the people at work, so they think I'm actually a fucking idiot when I say, well, it's the anniversary of my birthday this week, so I'm probably gonna take off no uh oh, all right, A couple of things. One, let's go down the warm mode checklist. Here. Silent Mary. She's some horror on Twitter who uh was nasty to me and rude to me and stuff like that, right for no reason. I was very polite and very professional and I was like, hey, just reaching out seeing
if you want to be on the show. She's like, you're a fucking loser and you're uh, you suck and you're.
Office feel like this is the same way Elliott Rogers video started.
Well, it ended the exact same way as last year when I tried to do this to a trainee to get to going deeper show. Now, all you have to do is go to Silentmary six six to six dot com, which is the same as her Twitter name, and that is in the bio on my Twitter.
We own you.
I have some other things behind the scenes I will probably be working on as well that I can't talk about here. Second one is a deacon.
A deacon, yeah, is that like a a character or a piece in a like a World of Warcraft board.
The next one's an orc. I have an orc that I need to war again. No, it's this deacon that runs the cemetery where my dad and my brother are right. So the other day they put out a notice like or a little while ago, but there was no timeline. It was like the end of the year. Basically, collect your stuff from the graves. You can't have anything personalized
or anything anymore. Like my mom has a couple of cardinals on top of it, like little birds, little fake birds, and like a very nice display for my brother and my dad.
So you can't have like any can you put flowers?
You put flowers, you know, they must be six inches from the blah blah blah, like real anal detailed shit.
I would move them somewhere else.
Well, that's the thing. So my mother has been going back and forth asking them like what is acceptable, what's not? What's this? What's that? And they were supposed to have have the end of the year. They were supposed to be to the end of the year they can keep their stuff there. So not only was their personal stuff that my mom put down there and bought, but other people had visited their graves and Pat's ex girlfriend left something there for him, a bracelet. She just recently died,
so there ain't no getting that back. But I guess also she won't feel bad about it, so there's that too.
Yeah, that's a silver lining, I guess.
Yeah, just other stuff. So they took it all and dumped it in a box and threw it away before the deadline and anything else. And just wow, my mother's and someone else's but left people's who are a total fucking shit mess, even worse than any of the other ones left them entirely there. So it's run by this deacon.
I'm not gonna say, almost sounds personal.
Well, and see that's what annoys me. He came in and he took over this cemetery. I didn't realize the business of a cemetery is like a thing, like really, I would just think it's like, hey, do you want some land, Yeah, all right, put it there, and you just you take the fees, you you know, take it.
I guess they got to keep it open forever. So it's like, yeah, but that's.
What I mean. You pay ten grand up front for a plot. They throw that money in the bank and pay this guy thirty bucks a fucking week to cut the grass or whatever. Like that's one thing paid that money for is to put it aside and use it for maintenance.
Yeah, but then every year, every year there's like a fucking burst pipe and then there's inflation. It's like it's just like social Security, right, Like in theory, it all makes sense, there should be enough, but like every year, some new shit comes and throws a wrench in the plan. I'm not saying that these guys are like good deacons
or anything like fuck their cemetery. I'm just saying that it's like a it's a legit business with with business expenditures and and consequences, all these things you might not think about when you're grieving or something like that. But yeah, it's like I feel for the people who work at cemeteries because I worked in the funeral home and I never interacted with families after I picked a dead body up. So once I was at the funeral home with the
dead body, I didn't see that person's family anymore. So the funeral director had to deal with money and details and clothing and makeup and all the stuff that's like personal that would really like that would bug me, you know, like that would be tough, and I assume it's probably tough for some people in the cemetery industry too, because they have to give bad news and they have to
do all this shit with families. But this deacon sounds like a real character, though I'm not giving him any fucking creditor leeway.
He drives a land rover.
Oh my god, dude, you know he focks kids in the back.
I was gonna say, you missed the you missed the big obvious joke you went for, you know, the actual thing of they have to spend that money on maintenance and a piper's. I was gonna say, they're gonna move these ten priests to South America.
And I see, I see, you say it's such an obvious joke. But not all of us are raised Catholic. I don't like, I don't know what the fuck a deacon is.
Uh, you could assume I fucking my brother and dad are buried there. It's not a Muslim cemetery.
Well, it could just be some So that's the thing. It's like, I just coming from someone who was not raised in any sort of religion. I don't really I understand. Catholicism is like a different breed of Christianity. There's like a lot of specific beliefs that are different. But uh, the in my eyes as a kid and young adult and everything, it was always for me like, oh, all of that is the same. So it's like my mind always jumps to, Oh, cemetery for you is just like
a regular cemetery. You know. It's like I only notice occasionally, like when I visit my wife's grandpa's cemetery grave with her, it says like Saint fucking Agnew of Sorrow and and liquid diets or something, you know, Catholic cemetery. But yeah, I'm certain that the one my grandma and grandpa are buried at is just like you know, woodlawn plot or something like that.
Uh, maybe it's a positive. Yeah, I don't even think. I mean, this one was just close. This one was across the street from her.
That's so, do you have to be Catholic to get buried there?
I don't know. She didn't have to like certify anything or whatever. And I want to say, that doesn't mean shit. I was gonna I I've walked around that cemetery. I've seen some mohammeds, so I don't.
Know, Well, you don't get to pick your name.
Oh you know the saddest one. What's that that same cemetery? This kid I knew name Anthony called him aunt obviously he his his baby brother is buried there, and I see it and the picture is him playing with a little car. Uh huh. Think about the horrible ways a baby could die. Give me your top three crush to death? No, no, that's not in your top three? Okay, no, no, no, that's not how he died. Oh okay, um I scalded out from a boiling pot of water. No good, guess though, that seems horrendous.
Yeah, uh, mauled by a dog?
No? Oh that also? Does he really bad too? Okay, say there's this cat that's really bad. He came into your house and he's like not terrible. Actually, say he's really sweet, but you're a drug addict and you hate him because he's there. Uh huh yeah, okay, I see where are you going? Okay, now do you think it's wrong? And again we're using a cat in your context to pick that cat up by its ankles and smash its head against the wall.
Well, I'm mad because I'm a drug addict, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, real mad? Probably?
Well, how how else do I communicate that to a cat if I don't speak cat, and you just pick it up and smash it a few times and then it'll get like, oh, he's a mad guy.
He took his two year old baby by the ankles and smashed his head against the wall multiple times.
Why would he do that because he's crying?
Because he was a fucking scumbag drug addict. I don't know.
See, that's how I know you're not a parent, man, because it's like here, I don't know.
Sometimes man, they just drive you up a wall.
Yeah, dude, it's like when you're a parent. You hear something, you're like that, You're like, okay, well how long had he been crying for? You know?
It's uh. I when I walk in the cemetery, which is kind of few and far between now, but when I do, I always walk past that grave and I'm just like, oh that is yeah.
What a cry baby.
So I'm going to war with this deacon, right, Okay. What it is is they dumped all of our personal stuff.
So I yeh, that's insane.
Yeah. I called his secretary, and my mom called the office earlier and she was like, where is that stuff? Blah blah blah, blah blah. She hadn't been there in a couple of days. It was a couple of days ago they did it. The woman on the phone said, probably a dumpster somewhere like that was her.
Oh my god, Yeah, I would walk over there. For one. You got to steal something and throw it away in a dumpster or really nasty one with like deer body parts, so you like, yeah, you go in there, you take their golden chalice of blood or whatever the fuck they do, or like their their their blesh truscuts, and then you fucking throw that in the dumpster, spitting that receptionist face. Yeah,
get your loved ones out of there, dude. Put them in the plot where my grandma and grandpa are at Man, we we my dad at least he never fucking calls me bitching about any rules, but he doesn't really go and visit them or care about him at all.
Yeah, but my dad and brother weren't big on liquid diets and Saint agnews of fucking whatever you said, it's probably not good. That was very funny. By the way, Saint agnew the patron scene of some of dogs and liquid diets. They're all fucking weird. There's probably a patron scene of gambling, isn't there.
Um? Probably, but you're not supposed to gamble, so how does that work?
Yeah, but there's all kinds of crazy ones. Oh, Saint bernard Dino of Sienna is the patron saint of compulsive gambling Bernardino. Huh, Saint Bernardino. Isn't that where this fucking muslim shot up Google or something?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saint Bernardino. Yeah, this is a conspiracy there. We'll have to go back and listen to this at two time speed and figure it out.
I so I call up, right, I call the number that's on the website, and it's like his secretary or something.
I guess right, probably the woman who snapped at your mom.
I don't know, Yeah, it could have been. Definitely could have been. So I call up and go, Hi, my name is Matt.
Uh.
My mother lives right by your cemetery. Anyway, stuff was removed the other day off of the thing. I just wanted to see how I could get in contact with the deacons so I can get this stuff back. I would expect it either available to pick up or dropped off at our address, Bob before Thanksgiving I said it a lot smoother than this too. I'm just trying to recall it as.
I said, you had it written down on your second out path.
No I didn't. But I was looking at Jen as she was taking a nap in bed. I like, woke her up to do this fucking defiant thing.
Watch let me do this.
I perform better in front of live people. The truth is, I don't know why. I get some adrenaline and I just start bang bang bang bang bang, let's go.
Oh dude, I shoot huge loads on my own. But then I have to perform, and it's just like.
Okay, well, thank you. So I call the deacon and I just love that message. I was like, I'll expect all of my stuff back by then to throw it away with me, I know, but I want I want them to tell me they threw it away so I can let them know this is entirely unacceptable. It's funny, you said, you know they you know you got to go over there and smash stuff. My first response to my mother was, she goes, they threw away all the stuff. I go, how much was it worth? She goes, probably
about one hundred dollars. But there's sentimental stuff there, I go. You want me to go two hundred dollars? You want me to go do two hundred dollars worth of damage over here? You go, and she's like no, no, And I was like, all right, well I'll get them back in one way or another.
You want me to go have an accident one of the pews.
So I went. I went to school in this diocese, which is like the regional you know. Okay, so you don't know the terms. A diocese is like the regional thing. S.
Yeah, I appreciate that is I always okay, wait a minute. By regional thing, you mean like a regional office.
I mean the Catholic church churches in Trenton, Burlington, Princeton.
So it's like it's a collective of them. Is the diocese.
It's like a county essentially, if you think, I like, yeah, I always thought the diocese was a person. No, no, I mean deacon would be the closest thing.
Yeah, okay, but a deacon is a man, and a diocese is a bunch of churches in as.
Churches explain it that way. So deontay, I learned something today and he goes, okay, and you go, you know, a diocese is like a Catholic like a regional, and you get confused halfway through and go it's like a group of group of regionals, and he goes, what are you trying to say? Just shut up?
It's like hockey for church.
Start freaking out, starch a fucking out yea. It's like it's like so on you like hockey. It's like the Atlantic Division, okay, except instead of churches or instead of hockey teams, it's fucking you know, pre set or angels. Anyway, I was in this diocese, I went to school. When I went to school, there was a pedophile priest working.
Of course, I mean it's statistically there had to be what seven.
So obviously I'm not gonna take it to press because I ain't get molested by a priest, okay, but I am gonna threaten it on the phone once I get ahold of this.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna want to know what father o'maly did to my legit.
I'm going to say, let me just remind you that I went to school with Father Vaughan, and I kept my mouth shut all of these years. So I'm gonna need you to take care of what you need to take care of, to make it right with my family, or we're going to have a bigger problem.
They send a police investigator over to your house.
My first thought was just going, how about I come over there and fucking cut your head off if you don't give my mom her bird back? And then I was just like, you know what, I better just go into war mode and really strategize this.
How about I come over and test your faith? How are you strategizing this? Sounds like you're just stewing.
Well, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking strategizing a war thing is not, you know, a single effort. You know, obviously I shot the first shot, calling the guy. Now I'm gonna need to work on this tonight because I'm expecting a call back tomorrow. I may not get one. That'll give me extra time, it'll be great. So first you have to kind of break down. The first thing you do is what am I looking for? What is the end result here? What do I want out a way?
Yeah? What do you want? Yeah?
Okay? So what I want out of this is I would accept a credit of money for my mother. They're not doing the amount, no, maybe not or a written apology?
Did they ever apologize for those like ten thousand kids they fucked for like every year for one hundred and something years.
I think they posted a picture of a shy little Asian girl and it said me so saw wee. That's what the kind of church put out. It was like a Yo, what if they did that? I would just be like, you know what, that's funny enough that I kinda I kind of forget about the other things.
It's like that mall art where it looks like a Pixar character, but it's like, ah, could just be a not it's some nondescript China person, you know.
Yeah, yeah, that That's what I'm talking about. So fucking you know, there's threats I can throw out with that false, fake, wrong threats, and obviously I can't take them publicly. But he doesn't know that. And the whole point of warring to me is pushing it as far as you can go without falling off of the cliff. If they go off the cliff, that's fine. You can't go off as well. Isn't this gambling? Isn't this what you do when you gamble with lives? No, it's no, how's it gambling?
It's like how far can I push it?
Oh yeah, No, it's a gambling addiction. Yeah, it's not gambling though. No, I know what you mean.
I understand that mentality.
It's just I understand that mentality. But I've healed myself mentally since I felt that way.
No, I just haven't felt that way about like like a business or It's different though, when they're fucking with your loved ones. So it's like I'm trying to get myself in that mote. I can go that place like
on a personal level with people easily, you know. But it's like the last time I've had like an entity, Like I used to get so mad about Taco Bell fucking my order up every time, and eventually it's just like after like a hundred times of screaming and smashing things and driving back and then driving home with just the thing that I wanted plus maybe some sin and twists, it's like I just stopped getting mad about it and
eat it. You know. I don't even call anymore and complain and try and get the free coup on it, just because it's like it just see, it's just like for me, it's just like, oh my god, dude, I'm just like I just don't want to be upset about this. But for the the last time somebody fucked with my family, What was it? It was it was like maybe a month ago. My kid was on a field trip and
oh no, it wasn't at a field trip. It was like they they had like a free period or something, and they were they were all just kind of like chilling in the classroom and my kid took a video of the teacher saying the F word. And I was like, uh so, why do you have that? You know, what are you going to do with that? And he was like he's like, I don't know if.
Wu and said snitch inshoran's bitchy.
I mean, that's kind of where he was going. He's like, oh well, this teachers always being met and he always did this and and this and that. And I was like, okay, well here's what I'm going to say. I was like, it looked like some of the kids in that video were probably like antagonizing this guy, but he is a professional and he can't be swearing in class, like this
is unacceptable. I was like, if this happens again, like I'm going to take this video and I'm going to bring it to your teacher like if I hear any more of this stuff, like keep me informed, you know, and he does, you know. And then I heard about another incident the next day and he's like, uh, that teacher he told me and my friend to shut the fuck up. And I was like, are you serious? And I was like and I was like, all right, give me all the details right now, you know, I want to know.
If I'm so my dick's hard for you right now.
I was like, I just want to know, like if you did anything, No, keep ahead. I love measuring it.
I love and it's my follow up question too, go ahead.
Yeah, Like I need all the details. I need to know if you did anything wrong or if you were in the wrong. I need to know now so I know how to handle this. It's like, this teacher can't be doing this, but if you're leaving things out, you're gonna make me look like an idiot if I go there and try and handle your teacher for a teacher for you. And so yeah, my kid was like he was honest with me and he told me what happened.
But here's the thing. Is like in the video that he showed me the first time, the kids were like egging the teacher on. I don't know what the situation was, but they were like messing with the teacher. And then
the teacher said the F word. And then in this incident from you know what my kids told me, they him and his friend were walking out and I don't know what he even said, my kid, but the teacher said as they were walking by them, like out through the crosswalk, the teacher was like, oh, well, maybe if you guys would shut the fuck up or something like that, Like he like, the teacher was just like overhearing them, and then just like interjected that into their conversation, and
I was like, all right, last straw. I was like, send me the video. We're calling the school. What's the teacher's name? And then it took like it took less than a day. He's fired. They like his job is gone. Yeah, And and that's the thing. That's why I gave my son that that that talk in the first place. I was like, look, I think it's weird that you have this video where you're saying, oh, my teacher said the F word, but you guys are kind of messing with him.
But the fact that he said this to you outside unprompted, like in a crosswalk. And I don't really have any reason to doubt my kid because there was like this casualness about it in that first video where he's like I forget what he said. He's like, I don't fucking care, and it's.
Like just common place. It felt common.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I was like, all right, this cannot be allowed in the classroom. It doesn't matter how the kids are acting. You can't be like this if you're the teacher. It doesn't matter if the student's eggy Wand it doesn't matter how bad my kid gets if you're like showing this just like casual nonchalance about the whole thing, and like even after the bell rings, there's still kind of like what shit that I should be
concerned about? Yeah, you've done skis and yeah the school actually I think they said they had a video from another kid too, from that day in the classroom, so he had said it like multiple times in that one day. And it's just like, yeah, I feel kind of bad because I think I always think like, how would I
feel if I lost my job? But then I think about when I got fired from AutoZone, right, and it's like at the time, I was really upset about that, and looking back, I'm I'm still like kind of annoyed, I guess, but it's like I take full responsibility, Like like I am the reason I got fired. I broke the rules, admitted I broke the rules, and they had every reason to fire me for it. You know, It's like I should not have assumed that I was special and that I would get special treatment when I broke
the rules. That was very arrogant of me. And this teacher needs to be He needs to realize that too, And and that's that's for me, like the best outcome. I would have liked to deck him in the throat, but I got the second best outcome.
Yeah. See that's the question. My my dad used to do that, and I actually like that we kind of get.
To talk about this deck people in the throat.
Oh, I mean the step before my dad screamed at many teachers. And I was going to ask you, are you the type that always do you more believe Deontae or the teacher? You know how there are two different schools of thought. There's one where it's like parents do defend their kids too much when they're fucking up. You did the right thing. You assessed whether or not your kid was fucking up, and almost deserve the first part, Like that's why you were like, tell me everything that happened.
Now again, he never deserved that. And I was going to say when as you were saying that the authority argument we have with cops and stuff like that, like teachers should be at a higher standard. No, they don't need to be these perfect creatures in the world. But they can't say fuck off in class.
Yeah they can't, and they can't. Letting it slip is one thing, but they can't just have this like behavior pattern right, Right, That's that's a real like red flag.
So so what my dad would have done in that situation, and what he did to multiple teachers is he assessed, hey, are you in the wrong. And he would always say that to me too. He said, I will defend you to the death if someone is treating you unfairly, but if you were in the wrong, you have to just you know, take the blame for it if you've done
something wrong. Taught me this other thing that's kind of applying towards my mother now, because they selectively picked off things at the cemetery, right, and cleared off her stone and someone else's, but then there's someone else's who's a shit mess. And Mom's first response to this was why did they get to keep their stuff and you took all of mine? But what my dad would say is, don't ever throw someone under the bus who's like slipping
under the wire just because you're being treated unfairly. You can point out, hey, I should be allowed to keep my stuff, but when you start whining like, well, I get it, you're just you're a pussy. You're pussy in the sense you're ruining it for that other guy potentially too, like he did nothing to you.
Well, yeah, I hate to drag anyone else into things unfairly, but it is a fair point. I mean it's not the first point and go to, but it is a fair right, Like are they doing something that I'm not like doing? You know what they did? They get to keep their spot, but mine is just atrocious, Like what's up?
I think my dad's point was more, yes, don't drag someone into it. So in that instance, you need to be pointing at the deacon and be like, other people in this place are keeping their things, why can't I just put my basic stuff down. You don't have to go specific examples. The fucking Mohammed's over there get to keep their Kuran on the.
There so many people name Mohammed here. Why can't my dad be named Akbar?
I would like a new gravestone put up of two towers and underneath it the stone will just say Philip and Pat. But then also, never forget nine to eleven.
Are your dad and brother side by side?
My mom? When Pat went, they bought four gravestone or four plots, with the understanding that I would probably end up with my family, But God forbid something happen before I got married and had a family, you know.
Or if Jen hates you in twenty five years.
Or if things don't work out for me in the next six months, you.
Know knows, Oh dude, they could.
Maybe I hit the old Lincoln Park, you know, come so numb right below my.
Neck, Yeah, dude, he felt a lot of pressure above it though, a lot of swelling.
So yeah, I'm going in the warm mode on that. The other one, the whore one I need to I need to see.
Is that your Is that your list? That's the whole list is two people?
No, I had more, but I forgot. I wrote war mode at the top of a thing, and I started writing stuff down and then I had to go do something for Jen, and then I came back and I was like, Okay, who else was I warn with? And then I had to go piss So I forgot again, and.
Dude, I had that happened. I was like sending a message earlier for my wife for one of her porno clients, and I was like, I think I was negotiat Oh yeah, I was negotiating a photo set, and I kept on getting distracted by work phone calls, and so I would like type out two words like, you know, like pussy lips, and then immediately have to answer my phone and be like, oh, hello, hello, you know, and then I would try to go back to like uh spread pussy hole and be like, oh hi, yeah.
This is night. How can I help you today?
Yeah, yeah, it's very difficult.
Yeah, you just got a multitask better. Although sometimes I have signed my emails pussy smasher.
I gotta I gotta just leave one headphone in.
All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. I am why because we do Oh, I am collecting questions I would like to make and I'll post this on Instagram too. Episode two nine. I will answer any questions about me, any questions about the show, and yeah, I will about anything.
I'll answer it. Yeah, any questions about my Social Security number and credit history?
Yeah, or like you know what my pussy looks like?
Oh yeah, dude, we should show pussy both of us for episode two fifty.
All right, we're gonna wrap this one up.
Uh yeah, what's a man's pussy look like?
It's kind of like like a like a like a like a pussy, but like like male.
I feel like if a girl ever asks you for a dick pic, she's a guy, you.
Think, So, just what are you hitting chicks up on Aim?
No? No, no, I'm just saying, like, when I get hit up on aim for a dick pic, it's never a girl.
Do you know how many fucking fourteen year old boys were jerking off to other fourteen year old boys pretending to be girls?
Yeah, like all the Yeah, we we have this fucking like false I caught me in our heads. Like nowadays, we're like, oh my god, there's so many more people being diagnosed as trans Now, why is it because there's uranium in the water? It's like, no, it's because we don't have aim anymore. Like now all the trans kids just have to say, like, you know, I actually think I might just be a girl inside of a boy's body. Because they don't have that outlet, you know, where they
can just go and vocalize it. They can live the fantasy online. The aim was taken away. Now everything is Twitter and X and truth, social and freedom and Blue Amendment Blue skuys. What is this a new app? I saw that on them. It's aneam or something.
It's it's it's a great way for us as a society to really divide ourselves completely down the center. It's the left whatever Twitter. I think Dorsey, Ah, I bet my tongue. I think Jack Dorsey made it. But all these conservative guys showed themselves getting banned right away I saw on Twitter because they no, they all went on and just wrote as a post, just wrote there are only two genders, and then they showed it. As soon as they clicked back, it like reloaded banned them immediately.
Oh dude, man, that's a dog whistle if I ever heard one.
It's it's it's say what you want about opinions on it it's bad. It's bad. That's a bad thing. Yeah, I mean you're creating even deeper echo chambers. Like it's bad for society. I don't mean it's bad. They made it. I'm bad. It's bad that two separate ones exist, you know.
Yeah, everybody needs to get off social media.
Yes, yeah, I hate to sound like an old guy saying that, but yeah, it is true.
It's after episode two fifty.
It's rotting people's brains.
Oh dude, people's brains are rotten because they fucking keep on eating all that seed oil and uranium water and dunk and come and bird shit. You ever have seen how bird shit on a newspaper?
No?
You like, you ever have a friend with a bird?
No, Jenn Hans, I haven't. She always talked to her. She's like Granny had a parrot, and I'm like, that's good, Keep that fucking bird out of my house.
Yeah, bird shit is like one thing. It's like, I can't imagine I've seen friends with birds and the bird shit all over the cage in the newspaper. I wouldn't want to clean up bird shit. It's disgusting. And then it's like you can't even let it out the shit because it'll fly away.
You ever walk into your shift at best Buy that starts at ten am and ends at nine thirty pm, and just as you're coming into the parking lot with your spiked hair, a bird shits onto your fucking head.
Uh No, that happened when I walked through a field once with my dad.
Yeah. Well the other one did happen to me too.
That we oh, okay, so we both got shit on.
I had to go in the bathroom and wash bird shit out of my fucking hair.
And then you worked all day with like a shit scalp.
I really scrubbed my hair, well, not well enough, but well it.
Was well enough to put the spikes down.
There was no bird shit on me anymore, maybe.
Dude, I uh yeah, Like, well, there's probably still bird shit on you, if we're being honest. If you left any residue on your head that long during that day, it's probably you know, built up and multiplied. It's still there. Now we'll start calling you doodoo head, but.
Uh, I'm okay, But go ahead, go ahead.
When it comes to shit, I I realized the other day, like I I reached a new point of old, Like I understand why gold bond is a thing now.
And we'll talk about it on the Patreon. Yeah, yeah, because I am an avid gold bond user. Now, oh okay, cool, okay, all right, we're gonna wrap this one up again. Send me your questions on Instagram whatever I will find them. Uh, Corey wanted to hear by the way, Corey said he really relates to you, and I was like, how fuck that one of our listeners. He's a good gentleman. I'm just kidding.
I don't know what do you relate to me? On? Corey? Like, what do you gotta fucking you got a big bank account full of gold bars and bullets, and you got a refrigerator full of fucking deer gunk, and you gotta granny. You're gonna fucking drop off in a in a psycho home and asylum, and then you what do you got in common with me?
That's my life, Corey, You're your worst friend. I'm Matt, I'm Bob the Butcher. Thanks for listening. We'll sim next.
Week, you know, all his own bird over Bro.
Really gonna miss you guys, And the show's over.