Ep. 241 Deaf Mouth

Let me finish. This is the first time I committed a hate crime.

Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or something like that.

Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath.

Any thrashed relationship, any trash ship, You're worst friend? Do you want to know why you're all fucked up? You're looking at the fucking problems.

You hang around with. You listen to Your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today by my friend and co host, a man wearing what is this your finest nineties flannels?

It's a twenty twenty four flannel.

It's Shane. Shane's my co host.

That flannel is from twenty twenty four. It was straight in Indonesia.

You look like a gentleman who's about to blow his head off in the atrium of his Seattle home.

Uh well, yeah, I gotta just kiss my lovely lipstick smeared wife goodbye. First.

I gotta be honest with you, though, Uh she I've always found Courtney love hot even today. Huh oh, No, not as much today. No neither Pam Anderson, I saw her recently. Your Worst Friend dot com follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at Worst friend Cast Patreon dot com slash Worst friend Cast. We have a really really good one, I hope today, so that'll be interesting, so hope. Make sure you check it out seven day free trial. Uh yeah, Patreon dot com slash Worst friend Cast. Anyway,

I won't.

What's her name? Oh, like the chick that's in movies like Joe Dirt and stuff like that.

Oh yes, Oh, what's her name?

She looks like the.

Not Jenny McCarthy, but it's oh Jesse Jesse McCarthy.

Jesse, No, it's not Jenny McCarthy. Jesse, No, no, fucking Jesse Jesse. Someone's thinking of it right now. She's probably on. My name is Earl? Was she on? My name is Earl? I never watch that show?

Jesse Jones.

No, one she's on My name is Earl. It's the main chick, Jesse James. No, right here, Trey, she is Jamie Presley.

Oh yeah, she's trash.

Right, She's always been like the trash bag girl or like, you know, pure garbage or some kind of as the Sopranos would say, scavats, which I think means so disgusting, horror or something that's classy.

You know, Who's who? Who? I like who. I've always gotten the vibe that like, oh, she's trash, that is hiding the trash. You know, it's like she's she's she's buried trash. It's like she was trailer trash, but then she got her big break and she's done everything she can to hide her trash.

Yeah, how new of an actress.

Oh, she's been around for probably twenty years or more at this point, which I can say you're kind of young though, No, I would say she's middle aged at this point. But she had a good run a few years ago. Her name, like I knew her name maybe around two thousand and ten, but her name really started to get popular maybe twenty sixteen.

Jennifer Lawrence. No real, God, I think Jennifer Lawrence could was probably trash.

Oh yeah she is, she's still trash. Yeah, yeah, I she.

Had a good run. That's why I was kind of because I still kind of consider her a little bit young.

A young one who's trash is Kristen Stewart.

Oh yeah, yeah, if that's fair.

Yeah, she's she's absolute garbage. But the older one I was thinking about who buried her trash is Carla Gugino. Shows her tits in every fucking movie, you.

Know what, not well known. If you want to ask why I'm wearing sunglasses, I'll tell you. At any point you just you let me know.

I don't give a fuck. Okay.

I put them on hoping you would ask. There was gonna be no answer to it either, by the way, none whatsoever. It was just gonna be, I don't know, it look cool. Carla Gugino. I am a huge fan of I love Carla Gugino. She's even aging really well. Was she the one in those fucking uh no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah yeah, but the new she's like the new. She's the girl in the new Ryan Murphy's thing, the House on Haunted Hill. Why manner. That guy's kind of building a Ryan Murphy type thing, right.

Okay, and that's you know that her? Yeah, all right, I.

Got one that's even hotter, and I didn't think it was possible because Carla Gugina was real high up there for me, but kind of like the class version of her. I feel like.

Okay, go you want to give me a hint though, Bond Girl, Oh, Denise Richards, Eva Green, Oh, yeah, she's garbage too, but not really.

She's kind of like classy garbage, Like I actually believe her when she's like I just like having my pussy out in movies for the art form. I go, man, this artist is so wonderful. My pussy is ought Eva Green has. Does she have great tits? Even Green?

No?

Really?

But you know, am I sharing my screen?

They're European? Yeah, I can see her screen. They're European tits. You know.

Oh they're pretty good.

I mean they're pretty good. They're European tits. You know, It's like what i'd expect from a Shakespeare play.

Okay, I think these are pretty great tits. But that's fine. I'm not gonna I won't debate you on it. That's subjective obviously.

Yeah, she's got good tits. But I tell you the one I thought you were gonna say, Queen of the trashy. I think this is fake? Oh that picture of her spreading her fucking wound. Yeah, I think so wound.

That's her womb. Fucking who was I gonna say, Leah Remony garbage, total garbage, like what she does. Yeah, she's high up there, definitely.

Yeah. I wish I wish she would stop blabbing about science intology and show her fucking pussy in a movie.

Has she ever done any nudity?

Nah?

Dude, just fucking for Kevin James and his trailer.

Let's see.

Oh you like it, she's like spreading her butthole. Man. She was so hot though, Oh yeah, yeah, she was a hot fucking stupid idiot da So for that scientology scam.

I don't think that's a real picture either. I don't think she was on the King of Queen's topless. I don't think the CW or whoever it was, would have pressed that.

No, this was in between takes. She was just showing the audience. She's like, what do you think guys? You know she talked n.

I always found her hot though, but you're right trashy, But that's what I like. Like there. When I worked at the office, there was this lady who was but ugly, but there was something so sexy about her because she talked in like this garbage Staten Island accent, like she had a horrible wench face and like real kinky blonde hair, decent body, but the the top was just a wreck, like Honder decapitated, and she fucking she should kind of talk like this CNL, like, oh, how you guys done?

And that's offloading.

He was so sexy to me, so sexy.

Yeah, I really, I don't. I mean, I can't so for me with the Okay, I'll give you an example. I was smoking a cigarette today on my lunch break. I was sitting in my car.

And I'll give you an example. When you're done of a cigarette being hot in a trashy context, go ahead.

I'm sitting in my car smoking a cigarette at a donut shop, parked in the back because that's where the shade is and I want to smoke cigarettes and be left alone. When what do you know it a homeless you know, like Aborigine, walks behind my car, locks eyes with me for probably twenty seconds in my rear view mirror, just stares me in my eyes and.

Wait he turns its male or female.

Female Okay, then turns and walks into the woods. And I thought to myself, Man, if I didn't have to go back to work, I'd go see if she wanted to fuck. That's how I think of trashy. Like I'm not like attracted to trashy girls, but it's like, Okay, if I see some toothless bitch like, you know, locking eyes, like, I'll see if she's you know, street walking, I'll see if she needs a tenor see.

This is what I mean. We need to read, maybe redefine or come to a compromise on the term trashy. Like I'm thinking of it more like, do you remember girl we went to high school with in our gaming class? First name Laura, last name should have been giant, huge, heavy tits, I think so, yeah, or it could have been Laura dated every black football player.

Yeah, I think I remember her?

Yeah, okay, all right, one time I saw her at the gym. This was twelve years ago, something like that, busting her ass at the gym, poor and sweat. Really just an example of a chick who you're like, Oh, this girl wants to stay alive a long time, gets out to her car, immediately lights up a one hundred cigarette and starts and it windows up Okay, that to me is so kind because she was doing all that working out. In my mind, not to live longer, it's just to have a better body to get fucked more.

Oh all right, I mean maybe she's a sexual though, maybe she just wants a better body because that's how she makes her money, you know, getting fucked on television.

No, no, she was not asexual. She was a pig.

I thought she just stayed a football players so she could practice for her television gig.

Fucking that's not her television gig.

What I thought it was. I thought she had a job fucking on TV.

Oh, she's not fucking on TV. She might be on TV. No, no, you're thinking of Shannon, the older girl.

She in the news or some wrese shit fuck her.

She was hot though, but she also looked just like her older brother, which was fucking gross.

Dude, let me see him.

Let's see if he's on here.

Hold on, yeah, let's see how pretty he is.

Okay, wait, all right, all right, let me look this girl up. Her name Shannon, Oh girl, and the master chef guy came up.

Oh fuck, I don't know what to tell you, dude.

I don't know either. Wait here, we go. Oh, this isn't good. This isn't good radio at all.

I don't know. It's better than some of the shit I hear.

I thought she went to Hofst I guess not.

Oh well, fucker who cares either way? Yeah, we knew a girl who got fucked on TV.

Oh there she is right there.

Where's her brother? Though? That's what I wanted, That's what.

I'm trying to find. Man, Just give me a second. Jesus Christ in heaven. Oh, it's none of these guys. That's an old corpse.

It looks like a guy who guarded a prison camp in w W two.

I can tell you. It looks like this, except like a guy.

I fuck him.

Okay, all right, fair enough, that's a guy. Uh speaking of that guy was my football coach. I had a Were we talking about something.

Trash? Course?

Yeah?

I think you know, we've run the gamut on that. I like when they're trashing. I think the idea behind it is you want Every guy I think wants that to a degree, even if it's just the sexual part, like some chick who's just kind of insatiable and will pull you into a restaurant bathroom or something or whatever. But then guys don't want the full breadth of what trashy represents, Like she's also gonna have her pussy hanging out in a nice restaurant while she's drinking too much.

I see, I like the second one. No you yeah, no, I do.

I like well in that scenarios yelling racial slurs, it's some guy.

Oh man, you're you're you're really putting icing on the cake. Right. For me, at least, it's more of the fact that you're gonna have to deal with that. Oh man, I'm moving to the South.

Okay, all right, good cool, sounds good fucking Protestants. Your wife's screaming at some guy.

God damn.

Oh yeah, they they they are Protestant, right, they don't like Catholics down there? Is that how it works?

I don't know. Methodist, Baptist isn't all that horseshit down there?

Yeah, that's all Protestant, that's all fucking the ship. After they schismed off of the church or whatever, Martin Luther was like, hey, you're doing church wrong, you fucking dummies, and he's just a fuck Catholicism. And then everything that came after that is fucking weak ass gay Protestant y'all are doing it wrong. Protestants, you gotta fucking eat the skin of Jesus and drink his calm or whatever. Okay, is that what those white crackers are? Are they? Are they skin flakes of Jesus.

Let's cleanseer palette on this.

No.

Yes, it's the body of Christ and the blood of Christ. So the body is just like his back peelings. Are they toenails? Jesus got some big fucking toes, dude.

I assumed it was like dehydrated flesh.

Oh like kind of like jerk jerky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Christ jerky or like dried fruit jerky Christ. That would be a cool product.

Are you Jesus jerky?

That's a fair point, yeah, Jesus jerky. I don't want to admit that one's better because I like jerky Christ, like Jesus Christ. Yeah, but it was better, I will admit it. I'm a bigger man than that jerkis Christ. I'm just gonna put my fucking sunglasses back on. I want you to know that.

Okay, Yeah, why are you wearing the sunglasses? Man?

I don't want to talk about it. Let me play this video for you here. So this was at a hockey game. I think this was last year, but the first time I'm seeing this video, it's fucking cute as hell. It's his little kid, and there was a sign that says.

It's my first game.

I'm George or some shit like that, right, and the crowd's like, fuck, yeah, George. Watch what happens when they cut away from George. Oh shit, it's fun, it's cute, and the audience is gonna say, how are we gonna know that they cut away from George. We'll just listen to it and tell me if you can figure out.

Okay, Oh man, they're brewing this old guy.

It's georget No, he's just a little kid.

Ah, they're cheering for this little boy.

Wait, we watched the game.

Fuck this guy, show me a little kid again. It's just to me, that's just like a cute community type of moment where we're all like, hey, we're gonna rally around this kid. I did this once. I explained this once. Right, We're gonna rally around this one kid and fuck everyone else in the entire everything. So I told you what I did in college, right, where I would go around and I would not the white boards. What are they pinboards?

What do you call sackboards? What tack boards?

Oh?

If I said sackboards, I was like, what the fuck is that? You didn't even know?

That's better? That's better actually sacked whatever.

So I used to go around in college and I thought it was funny to take off all the pins and just let everything fall to the floor. And I hit on me every one of them. Hey, it was funny. Okay, you were over there killing brown people at the time. I stayed here and had to bring comedy to the world.

Okay, I just peed and poop down in a lot of holes.

Oh you want to expand on that, or oh no, I didn't kill anybody.

It's just like, you know, you be in a tube that is dug in like ten feet into the ground and you poop into a shack. You know, It's just like you pee and you poop well into holes and then you come home. You don't have to kill brown people. You just got to leave some brown people behind.

So I would. I had this tissue box that I ripped the top off of and then reinforced with tape because I was really bored. It was in class. I don't fucking I don't like. I just sat in the back of class doing that one day.

Was it.

Yeah?

Yeah, I was reinforcing with tape because I was creating a permanent receptacle for these uh thumbtacks that I was stealing. So I always kept that in the car. I probably had, like, I don't know, two hundred and fifty three hundred thumb tacks something like that.

And such a kid thing to do.

So yeah, but look here, I'm gonna explain to you how I rallied around one individual.

Okay, yeah, this has been a story about thumbtack so far.

So one night I saw this poorly written, handwritten thing saying like I lost my book. If you find it, please call this number or send an email here. I would appreciate it. It's very expensive. I don't have a lot of like a real fucking sob story written like horizontally, not horizontally, not like some weird fucking matrix scrolling words, but kind of like very on a thin thing, not across a full sheet or anything like that. So I

Fucking Kryui. You are a person who watched a lot of movies, because that is the sort of action taken upon by that person who thinks the world is a movie. I've seen that before. I've seen a movie where a guy plasters the same advertisement. I think it's like a thing for a girl, like, oh I saw you at the coffee shop, Well please fucking suck my co By the end of the movie, and it's like on every board,

Can you imagine he wanted to fuck this retarded kid. Could you imagine if he came into school the next day thinking like, Oh, no, one's even going to return my book and I am so poor. He was probably an immigrant, for being honest. It was a community college, and he was probably just trying to do better for his family. Probably came here legally like a good person does, and he's like, oh no, I can't have my book. I'm not gonna be able to study and become a

He was thinking, Oh no, they're going to think I'm asshole, prick man. Yeah, you fucked that guy hard. I did. Yeah, he wanted to him and you did. Yeah.

I was trying to do a good thing though.

No, you didn't. You didn't. You did a bad that. You singled him out, you made him an oddity, you othered him, and that's why he had to go back to his fucking Somalian refugee camp and learned the terrorist trade like his pa.

Uh, all right, jumping onto this thing here. You wanted to talk about this?

Oh yeah, dude, I heard about this. I heard the I think there's a TV spot or something that we could watch where it works. The thing is operated by kids, the kids play with it or whatever. So I'd really like to see how that happens. There's a new toy outfit.

We're gonna play it in one second. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna cut this out on the show. I'm gonna switch you.

From the what I think you should.

I'm gonna switch you from my WiFi to the regular And I don't know if it's gonna kill it.

I don't think you should do that.

I'm doing it. Uh, I think this.

Could be really bad for the listeners.

No, you're audio is starting to get bad.

Okay, my audio is good.

It was starting to get bad. Okay, we're back now, and it is at twenty one minutes.

Oh my god, that's it. It feels like twenty one days.

All right, um, so you want to pull this up? You said, why didn't you tell me that before that?

It felt like twenty one days every time I spent twenty one minutes with you?

No, I don't know.

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

This is all being cut off, ohrby.

Making funny jokes for that?

Didn't you say there's a thing to watch?

Yeah, TV spot? There we go? What is it? Oh? No, there's a there it is it's that's the one. Oh god, damn it.

Well this is good too, though.

No, yeah, I think that'll be fine. I saw it on Instagram. It looked like it was from mattel.

Let's see fall fag.

Have you got a little kine, Lucy Edward?

That's good? Okay? Good?

You want to you want to do this one? Yeah?

Okay? Yeah, alright, alright?

Three? Two?

All right?

I couldn't find a TV spot. I'm going to keep looking.

But it was an Instagram ad No, it could it could have just been some Chinese bought.

It could have been some t MoU bullshit. And the thing is it wasn't. It wasn't what it's supposed to be, just broken in the spot. It's it doesn't make sense until we tell them.

What it was. It was one eighth its size.

Okay, all right, Uh this is Mattel debuting its first ever Something Barbie.

Oh my gosh, have you got a little kine?

Lucy Edwards is touching the first ever blind Barbie doll for a blind broadcaster and disability activist. It's a moment she had longed for.

I'm super excited because I didn't see yo, yo yo.

Look, I can speak on vision advocacy now with obviously young baby David with his one eye.

Okay, yeah, you gotta pass.

He's great right now, and he is one I poke away from being the biggest burden in the world. Now he's a cat obviously not a human being, so he's like only half the burden of what a human being is. I guess right, sixth But this lady's got some real wont guys here, and I would almost rather pop this one out and get a faky in there. Am I wrong?

Yeah?

I mean I don't know why all blind people aren't just automatic severed, you know, and then given just like nice stationary glass, just too two toned white and blue. That's all you get, No, pupil.

No, no, no, no, I'll take it a step further so I don't have to look at their freaky weirdo eyes. Get some real nice designer ones through some elli designer eyes. There you get the wise thing going on. You know, that's dope, fucking dead light eyes.

Well, here's what I want to know. Does the blind Barbie because I mean, folks, you can't see, but yeah, the lady, I mean she she pointed it out to you right at the beginning. Bobby has because she's blind. So she uses the little pain to walk around and I guess what is it? Sonar the environment? Does she sonar with the cane? Is that how it works?

And you're thinking of Daredevil? I think, okay, he's in. He's actually an exception, he's not the rule.

People. I assume that, uh, Daredevil was just a show to teach modern youth about how blindness works.

It was a lawyer show. That's all how all blind people are for the most part. No, yeah, you know what I want to do. I want to start three D printing Ken dolls with huge dicks and going the stores and popping them in the Blind Barbie ones. So some girl pull it out and just be like, look at me, and I'm touching Bobby's cane, and they're just stroking Ken's enormous weird porn dick, like not even one of those big porn dicks, like one of those oddity fake porn dicks.

You know, why is Bobby's cane stuck between her legs? It wear her brists?

But you know, I want to know when they take Blind Barbie's sunglasses off, does she have wonk eyes like this newscaster lady.

That's a great I don't think she's a newscaster lady. I think she's just a lady they brought in.

They said she was a British blind person and TV presenter.

Oh really, uh huh, All right, let me hear it again, local British blind lady and television ancha.

Oh my gosh, Farving, have you got a little cane?

Lucy Edwards is touching the first ever blind Barbie Doll for a blind broadcaster and disability activist. It's a moment she had longed for.

I'm super excited because I didn't see myself represented as a young blind girl.

You didn't see yourself represented anywhere ever, at any time, in any in any arena, for any cause or any reason whatsoever. There's actually there's good reason that you're not seeing yourself represented in any of these groups or classes or categories. It's because you're blind. I would wonder about it. I would wonder about if she was saying.

I'm so happy to see myself represented.

What the fuck dude thought you were fucking blind?

And bitch, were you unhappy seeing yourself represented before? And if you were unhappy seeing yourself represented, someone needs to wonder why are you claiming to be blind if you saw yourself represented.

That does something's not math in there?

Yeah, her fucking eyes. They're going in her eyes. The direction of her vision is making a perfect right triangle. It's bothering me.

Her eyes are the opposite of infinity.

If she had laser beams coming out of her eyes, you could make sure a wall is plumb by putting her head up against it.

She can see her temples.

Up in the world. All I wanted was a role model that looks like me.

You should have want it fucking eyes, sweetie.

Yeah, I know, that's like a really simple thing to want for. I think they do I transplant. Oh, I get it. Maybe her brain's busted. Maybe maybe they could give her all the eyes in the world. She's just got a stupid, dumb like vision spot in her brain.

It's like, sorry, signals are getting crossed.

Ray Charles meets with the devil, and the devil goes, Ray, I will give you anything you want if you sell me your soul, and he goes, deal, it's a deal, and he goes, Okay, what do you want? He goes a third hand. Devil looks at him and just really, you don't want to fix your fucking eyes. Sorry. I was coming up with a comparison to that, and then I got lost in this cool story where Ray Charles has three hands but it's still blind.

Oh but he could play piano a third of the way better or half better.

Better, And finally we have fun.

Toymaker. Mattel collaborated with several organizations dedicated to aiding the blind community to create the doll.

I give it a stick, yeah, and and determine whether or not, like you said, fucking do we z exact the eyes? Yeah?

Yeah?

Do we make them wanked or do we roll them back? Or what do we do?

That's the one thing. It's like, Okay, we got to contact every blind advocacy organization in the world and you know, get a general consensus like eyes wonky, yeah or nay, you know, and then then we'll make our decisions. You know, obviously we're gonna have to make the dolls different for China. But aside from that wonky eyes yeah or na?

Do you see that? Actually I'm not making this political. That's a great example of what a waste of fucking money some of these things are. To like make sure like there is somebody somewhere whose job it was to reach out to every like the top fifty blind advocacy groups and be like should we roll the eyes back or put them to the side, or blah blah blah,

Okay, yeah that's true. But I think it's it's better to just do the advocacy thing, because you know, if they didn't, they would just have to go with the one black guy who was like, hey, why don't we just make it so the sunglasses don't come off at all, you know, and then they would do that, and then when the Barbie came out and people.

Like this is so fucking rude, I can't believe this. So what blind people must sleep with their sunglasses? Huh, we're just all a monolith. Right, we all walk around with our little cane and our little sunglasses and our flat mid sections that don't have any wounds for people to stick dicks into. Right, that's what you think of us blind folks.

And then they got this black guy, like, hey, come on, I was trying to make it easy so we didn't have to worry about whether to make does all wonky. And they blame it all on the black guy. Then he loses a job, his family is shamed, his wife leaves him, He blows his head off with his shotgun. Now fails miserably at it.

Let me fix your story, let me pivot you there, his family's about to leave him, he goes into a store to try and buy some stuff with a counterfeit twenty.

Okay, yeah, and then go ahead keep telling.

Me YadA YadA, YadA, riots YadA YadA, YadA.

COVID, Yeah, YadA, YadA, YadA, some rye it's happened, YadA, YadA, YadA. Now the president got grown out. We're going to have a civil war. But I think that, yeah, I think that blind Barbie is uh what's it called the the eyes is going to be the determining factor on whether or not I buy one. Are they going to show the eyes?

You know what's so great? They don't even have to make a new mold. You can literally if this was a hit, like a so to me, to me, this is weird. This is not some weird inclusion thing or whatever. This this is more of a publicity stunt, right, yeah, to get some like you know whatever ableism or non ableism points or some shit like that.

Right. I think every year Barbie is like, Okay, what group can we put on a pedestal this season? Sure?

And you know what, I don't even have a problem with that. You know, they're still making all the other Barbies at everyone. They're not it's actually Barbie's black or whatever. I think it's blind spot.

It's their whole stick, Like every year for as long as I can remember, since I was a kid. Like my aunt when I was a little kid, she you barbies, Oh well yeah, but she would make it hide her keep.

Your head all wrapped up until the end. When you poil your cock out with a knife at sleep away camp.

She's like, leave them in your closet and don't open the boxes. When you're thirteen, we'll open them together, you know. But no, she used to buy Barbies and collect them, and they used to have like commemorative shit all the time, like Miss America Barbie and Astronaut Barbie and all this bullshit. Right, that's like the whole fucking thing. They've always been inclusive, right, but now they're doing it for people who we didn't

Fucking uh no, I think what's so great about the blind one? And you can do it for all of the other like targeted senses is all you have to do. All they have to do is take skiing Barbie and then take anything else and take the ski pole out and give it to beach Barbie. Give it to fucking lawyer Barbie, give it to doctor Barbie. I'm a blind doctors in this ironic but fucking that's such a great way of just rebranding. They just have to make new packaging for it.

Yeah, that is a good idea, and it's like, yeah, you could do you could also like you.

Don't even have to change anything for death Barbie. You could just even have Barbie and put a sticker on it that says now death.

No.

I think you should have the death Barbie, like you should have a special mold for the head where they their face always looks like they're in midward where they're always like, well that's a more's always like you know, like in that that like that death that death mouth, that deaf mouth you know that they make when they're talking, Like every word they speak is always like audience, you hear my voice, but you know the mouth I'm making, right, you can see my mouth, you know the mouth right,

That's the death mouth. Yes, I would agree with that. Uh fucking yeah. But that's you know, that's such a great racket where they don't really have to even change much. You don't have to change like when they made by Barbie. I assume they had to change the skull mold and like the ankle mold, it's.

Still like muscles. Yeah, yeah, more more Amazonian stature overall.

But I tell you, man, the Asian ones, they had to square off the feet, you know.

I feel like that's what makes Mattel, That's what makes Barbie special. Though. It's like, you know, kind of like Disney is, like the parks are a cut above like just going to bush Gardens or something, right, Like, bush Gardens is nice. Six Figs is nice, but Disney is really like they try to make it a special experience. The parks are super clean and that they they they have the characters just coming up to you and engaging with you and ship and they have like the different

They made Have they ever made a Muslim Barbie?

That's that's what I was getting to, Like, I think with everyone, they try and make the mold a little different so that way, it's like it can't be imitated. You can't just wrap a scarf around your you know, your sailor Barbie, and now you got a Muslim Barbie. It's like, sorry, she's got to have brown skin and a kind of a crooked nose and really big bulging eyes and you know, like some fucking deep emotional trauma that you can see through the eyes, you know.

Yeah, I was I don't know, I don't know.

Wheelchair Barbie. I think that was like wheelchair Skipper, Like if you take her clothes off her, her spine bone is like popping out and it's all twisted and shit.

Zelda from Pet Cemetery Barbie.

Yeah, yeah, that's who they modeled her after. They just gave her a nicer hair.

Yeah, fucking I don't know. I don't know, man, I don't I really, I have so little commentary on Barbie. I'm realizing, like I'll make fun of blind people all day, but it's the barbie thing. I have no real comment here. Yeah, it's great. Jen's aunt still buys her barbie for Christmas every year as I was gender with them, put them in the closet, like stores them nice, and I think the idea is to give them to our kids someday.

You know, so that way you can fit.

You know, when he's a fourteen year old boy, I'm gonna sit him down and make him open every Christmas Barbie from nineteen eighty eight until Jen's aunt stops buying them.

For that was like my grandpa with hes trucks.

He used to get hest trucks as a kid.

Dude, they were the coolest fucking toy. I didn't like trucks stuff when I was a kid. I didn't like like trains and like kids were into that and I was. I did find that off putting, you know, Like as a kid, I knew I was weird for a few reasons. One of them was how how a lot of the stuff the other kids liked I did not give a fucking shit about. Dude, like trucks and police officers and cops and robbers and uh, fucking what is another one? Fucking what is another one of those staples that kids.

I got a weird one, pull them mic closer to you or something.

I think the only thing I really liked that was like a normal boy thing was like g I Joe. I really liked playing with g I Joe.

I'll tell you my example. My cousins. I have a lot of like rich kid cousins. They I mean, I don't know how they turned out with it, but like I just know my uncles and aunts were richer than our family was, and so I assume they raised some They were all obsessed like these are like one kid his parents his father always had a new Porsche every year, and this and that. They were obsessed as kids, obsessed with tractors, right yeah, fanned movers and becos and yeah.

Yeah. So I did like like X Men and shit like that. I was into boys stuff. Yeah, but it's like I was into that stuff way early. Like I liked X Men and Batman and all that stuff by like three or four, and all my friends at school or whatever, the kids I saw at school and my cousins and everything. Yeah, they liked trains and tractors and baccos and all this dumb shit. And I'm like, dude, are you a fucking idiot or are you just like a savant? You know, you're off to mechanical engineering school

Now, let me ask you, is there a context where you could see giving a fuck about it?

Yeah? I was autistic.

No, you and Kiki everybody get inherited five acres of land somewhere with a really nice house. Well, now you got to think about are you going to dig stuff up in the back and you know, is it something you're gonna constantly need to do? And do you need to learn how to work this thing that was left there? Are you just going to sell it for whatever?

And yeah, I'm just grow real high and whatever. Yeah, I don't want to come to see my house from the highway.

What I'm saying is there was a point in your life when you couldn't have given a fuck less about dry wall until you got a house and then punch holes in dry wall and.

Had to figure about drywall. Drywall can suck my dick. I'm not going to make my life all about drywall. You learn how to fix it, though, right, But I like, yeah, but I didn't sit at my fucking my play matt or in my jungle yeah earth and suck on a tractor trailer toy or whatever. The what were you just talking about? What did I not do? Oh? I didn't suck on drywall until it melted in my mouth and turned my shit particles white.

No, I guess that's fair. You didn't do that, that's true. But yeah, my cousins did that, and it was fucking yeah. I always was like like I knew, like I didn't know what homosexuality was, but I was like, I didn't think it was homosexual though, That's what I'm saying. I just knew in my soul. I kind of knew, like this is so gay.

This is when you knew there was a difference between being gay and being homosexual.

Sure, sure, I'm almost simplifying yeah, yeah, it was so gay. I was just like, this is so gay. Oh look though this one's got it's got a scoop on the front so you could get even more dirt. And I was just like, who fucking cares?

Man?

But I wonder is that from money? Like I came from a fucking mini van and I wasn't a car guy, but I could understand a kid being a.

Car new thing.

No no, no, no, no, meaning, like I thinking of the upgrade, why do they have the rich kids stuff, and they're thinking of the quote unquote downgrade?

You know.

Fuck. I don't know, dude. Maybe it's just because rich kids get babied more so they just play with fucking dumb baby shit for longer. I'll tell you another another fucking thing that happened a couple of years later that it was like this. It was like an echo of my my younger years where I was like, God, it's happening again, where everybody liked some fucking whack ass, like young ass kid shit, and I was like, dude, that's

For that, I wasn't because I had access. Let's put it this way. Uh, if you had access to like top tier NASCAR shit, and you along to a bunch of this other kid's NASCAR shit, like his family was tied in, they had a team, you could go down and stand on the track and see them whip by

Okay, Yeah, So if somebody gave you free tickets right now for WrestleMania, would you go absolutely?

I would go for spectacle alone.

Okay, So if someone gave you free tickets right now to watch me get fucked in the ass by twenty guys, would you.

Go Yeah, I'd scalp them out front.

No, but you have to go or else you're gay for the wrestling.

Thing, I'd bark for you out front. I'd go, who wants to see a wonderful show? Tonight, folks.

If you wouldn't watch show for you here, if you wouldn't watch my butt ramming Spectacle, but you would watch these gay fucks in underwears be really strong and jump and do flips and stuff, then that's a bias in one direction, and that's for those gays and not this gay. So you either watch both of you watch neither, then you're fucking gay.

I'll not only will I watch, I'll produce that show for you.

I'd like be off Broadway.

I'll reach out to some people I know. Uh, and yeah, we'll get that set up. We'll put that on the Patreon. Okay, So here's the thing. We're at a weird standstill. We can jump into let me share my screen.

This.

We could talk about this, right, but we could also do like a full episode on this.

Yeah, we could do a full episode on that. That's a good, good thing.

But then we still need to fill time. We can talk about this thing.

Hey, we could talk about that thing or some other thing. Like you pull your thing out, I could my thing out. So I was.

I'll tell you I haven't been sleeping at all lately. Ooh, that'll touch on one of the topics I sent you what is your pillow placement?

Well, first of all, we got to talk about what kind of pillow you have.

I thought you were gonna say, well, first of all, thank you for asking.

No, I don't think you want to know. But basically I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you you're probably doing pillows all fucking wrong, dude.

Okay, here's the thing. I have the true Swiss army knive knife pillows set up in this sense. I have six different full size pillows.

Okay, I don't even know what that means.

Right, And they don't all just sit on the bed like I'll literally I'll throw some on the chair, I'll do whatever, like I'm not nothing set up for nice cities like this is all survival at this point. Fucking uh So. Pillow wise, I have different different hardnesses, different heights or thicknesses. One's like a memory foam one. I got a different one, a seventh one for between your legs, like specifically made for that sleeplike strong. Okay. My bed is up against a wall, so that acts as like

Unsay, are you having any physical pain?

Uh in my neck?

If it's okay?

Too long? Go ahead?

Okay? What are the shape? What is the shape of your pillows?

I mean just they're a standard pillow.

Also, Okay, that's where you're going wrong, all right. So I had the same problem, right I had. I had a thin pillow, I had a thick pillow. I had two thin pillows. I had a down pillow. I had like a body pillow. I had gone through a lot of pillows.

Right, Hu, shan am your pillow.

I'm your body pillow.

No, I'm your down pillow. Do you want a paper or plastic for you?

Grocerbes lay on my belly? Okay?

So you had all the combinations of pillows.

I had a bunch of them. Yeah, over the years, and I had this thing a few months ago where yeah, neck pain every single day, and it wasn't a matter of not being able to sleep. I could sleep fine, but I was waking up just in a excruciating neck pain every fucking day. No matter how I tried to fall asleep, I would wake up some other way and I would be just like it was like a pinch

Do you think I'm too smart for sleep?

Well? Yeah, I mean maybe you've got like a potion or a concoction or an invention or something that's waiting to come out of you.

No.

I think probably you've got a lot of stuff on your mind, and you probably have a lot of distractions around you, like podcasts and television and computers and pussy and pets and all this stuff that you know, Like you're laying there and it's like, oh man, this isn't a comfortable pillow, and I'm not even as tired as I thought I was. I guess I could get some pussy by that, I mean, play with your cat.

Wait, so look, I can't give up TV or podcasts. Are you saying I should kill Jen and little baby David?

No, not necessarily. I'm just saying no.

I mean, don't take it off the table. But you know, I'm just saying distractions, sure you Uh yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I mean you're not comfortable. You're not uncomfortable in bed, are you? Yeah?

I'm physically uncomfortable when neck hurts like again, it's like it's either my neck needs to be here and every combination I have puts it here or here orthing like that.

You're not going to get the right pillow for side sleeping. I mean they don't exist because you're.

Oh see that's what I was gonna say. You're taking into account. Back sleepers is like any one under two bills, anyone over two bills, back sleeping is not a thing. Why Uh breathes of apnea? Yeah, yeah, well I thought you were under two bills. Now, no from all the law. No, dude, that's how high I was.

What are you at now? Like one night?

Talk about it. We'll talk about it when I get back on this. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, well I don't know. I mean I I see you breathing. You look like you're breathing. Fine, I think you should sleep on your back one night. See I've been breathing. I've been getting.

See if it works, Uh, strap yourself down, put a cord across your chest. No, I uh, I've been falling. Have my Apple watch and it tracks your heart rate when you sleep. I've been having a thing where my heart heart reate drops under forty or something we've talked about.

That cool.

That's not good, right, it's why is it bad? Because what am I doing?

You're just not using a lot of blood and stuf.

Yeah, because I'm not breathing. I don't know.

That won't have anything to do with it. Your blood will circulate independently. It will just if you're not breathing, the blood will be circulating with less oxygenated blood in it. That's all.

No, all right, man, for more oxygenated blood.

I don't know.

See I don't know either. See Yeah, sound like a real dickhead.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can stop breathing for a while before your circulation has to stop. Right.

Look, Apple sending me an alert about it.

That means something. I think that's a good thing. When your shit goes that low when you're sleeping, I think that just means like I think if it was frantic, and like I think if your heart rate was one twenty when you were asleep, that would be a way bigger concern.

Yeah, you're probably right, my watch is dead. Otherwise i'd read it. It's literally like warning.

Horning you your hearts be stopping. You have ten second to restart your heart.

Speaking of someone who's trying to stop their heart. I came across this video. I have yet to watch it, but it's gross, Like her face is gross, so I wanted to watch it. God damn it.

Man, she looks like a leather Face. Leatherface's sister is prom Date.

So I think she was practicing kissing on a twelve gage.

And she was she was getting ready for a threesome. She was using a double barrel.

All right, So the quote here is I survived my suicide attempt. It's crazy they can't even say suicide. They and the unlive thing is the gayest thing.

Like they can't say it. It's that like they they self censor because they don't want their ship to be shadow band or whatever.

You know what I mean. They can't say it because it'll be in the algorithm.

Oh dude, I say it. Yeah, it makes suicide you pussy.

Uh But that's why Yeah, yeah, that's that's why I'm not in the algorithm. Right, yes, exactly right, right, starting to make sense, let's sen this broad has to.

Say whatever you're struggling with. Jesus she whatever you're struggling with, especially if it's talking out of the face you blew off with a shotgun.

She looks like, uh, I think the vampires in Blade Trinity was that when the mouths opened up.

Oh yeah, like wish master. Yeah it wor you know, and cheaper screepers, yaper scrapers.

Yeah yeah, right right right, yeah, her face looks like that. She would be so hot too. I wonder why she tried to kill.

Herself, Probably because fucking dweebs like you were like, you're so hot, you want to go out?

You're so pretty? I fucking love you.

Maybe, Oh I'm ever gonna get our podcast losers.

Wouldn't it be great if I'm just mocking her? I'm like, oh, don't be sure to kill herself. Why is she try and kill herself because some nerd in cell hacked her phone and was committing sexual blackmail against her?

Oh yeah, dude, I wouldn't. I would be like, blackmail me. Please show my grandmother. She needs to see it.

All right, let's see whatever.

You're struggling with, it does do better.

And I don't want you.

To make the sally.

You know what she had yankie teeth.

She wasn't that hot, right, Yeah, she just wanted to put them in the right spot. She was just.

Spraighting down her teeth.

If I aim properly and I just take the left quadrant, I should be able to rewelth these ones.

Uh let's see.

Oh god, damn did she leave the stock of the gun in her neck?

Again?

The things they have to blur. And I s astress t myself with my Yeah, it shot myself, but and I ship myself with it. I surbubbed my suice attempt and I suicide attempt, and I shit myself with yeah, all right, great.

While they were fixing my face, they noticed this huge tumor in my neck.

Oh man, what is it that is? That's a shame. You weren't in the er with me right when I when the bottle broke on my face.

Well, no, I stayed at home with your fucking brother and your friend Blandrew and watched television.

Really, was that what it was?

Okay? Yeah? And then your dad or your whoever brought you to the hospital, brought you home and you were all stitched up, and we were like, thanks for letting us stay here, missus. Matt's mom, Well, we had I look at this.

I look at this lady's face, and I think about it. With my face, you can't go to an er and have them just kind of tie the flaps back together. Otherwise you're gonna get some janky mess like this, And like my face looks like I have a real defined scar on my face from that.

Well, you know, sometimes scars just be scar And dude, I have a some kid cut me with a pen or a pencil once in middle school and I I still have a scar, like a raised, like nasty, fleshy scar on my arm from it. I can still see it clear as day. And you know, I didn't get stitches or anything. It wasn't it did. I don't remember it bleeding. You know. It was like one of those ones where you can kind of see the red, like the blood, you know, my skin, the skin is broken, but nothing pours out.

It's It was amazing how badly those scar I have. I bumped into a whiteboard we have and I got like a puncture scratch it liked what wasn't. But then I I probably like touched it too much.

Yeah, it got all greasy and stuff from your fucking chicken.

Well no, no, but it's not infected. But it's still there, raised and there's still somewhat of a scab a year and a half later.

Yeah, it's wild, right, yeah.

Right, it's like a hard like uh like skin. It's not a scab in the way you think of a scab. It's like hard skin that'll just rip off of it.

Yeah. It's like when you I think, when you break down all those layers a skin. I think it like it just heals, disgusting and bulbous and you know, fucking nasty, like this girl's neck.

All right, let's watch more of this. I I was in a very dark place and I didn't understand or comprehend was happening.

To the other time for everyone wondering what this is.

This is called a tissue expander.

Okay, why would you need to have your tissue expanded? I thought you already did that with a shock.

She expanded her face like the big bang.

Yeah right, yeah, the whole fuck universe spread out all over the back of her brush.

Hey all right, someone tweeted her. Hey, love, I was wondering if the surgeon surgery you recently had for the skin under your chin, will they revise that or remove that in the future, Like, what's the reason for it being there? If you don't mind me, If you don't mind me, Yo?

Is that an Adam's apple implant?

Yo?

What the fuck would that thing?

Yo?

Shit's nasty, though.

You got a little gulley in there so you can barf your food up for your baby.

You know, Jenna and I have been saying about David a lot.

What.

We look at him and he's like kind of chubby, but he's not overweight. We took him to the vet and we we're looking at him, and I'll just look at her and I'll go he.

Do be eating though, right, He do be eating though our saying that a lot cats do be eating shit. Yeah, she do be blowing her head off though.

She do be doing that though, you know.

I honestly though, fucking big ups to the surgeons. They really put her ass back together. She looks like a creature. Man, I'm imagine. I don't know what they had to work with. That's a fairpoint. Built her. In nineteen eighty five, dude, when I was in my combat lifsab course and the Marines, they showed us a picture this guy blew the bottom of his face off in a failed suicide as like an example of what we could expect on the battlefield.

Maybe, but she also does have a huge lump on her neck and masks that far she'd have to probably rock a gator.

Yeah, she would need a Turtlenecker.

But one of those things. No, no, no, where those those negated Yeah, now that they're trying to ban them in Philadelphia, well just because.

Of certain culture likes to break the rules when they're wearing the mask that everybody else likes, So now none of us can enjoy it. Thanks Republicans.

All right, let's see what this girl has to say.

This is to stretch the skin on my neck. So when they shoot this down it'll fix the discoloration. Dap it downh God. Okay, they did a skin graft on her leg and left her achilles tendon exposed.

It looks like he really, I mean, it looks like raw pork man. That's rough.

Jesus. It looks like they tattooed the anatomy onto her leg. It's fucking awful.

Though, you know what.

It's to fix her face though, Yeah, I know they should have just they should have just said, you know what, your face is a goner. At least she still got nice legs to Yeah, just stay.

Bent over all the time, sweetie, you got everything else working for you.

Just wear a fucking a fireman's mask, like in a violent nature.

All right, Surdery will be getting my bottom, but prepared so it'll be getting pulled up.

This will be getting shaved.

Down, taking out currently and no. But seriously, look the tats on her hands, how she dresses the cute seness, even though her teeth were a little JANKI I don't think it was worth her trying to blow her fucking face off because she was hot enough. Like if she didn't blow her face off, she could be making a living on OnlyFans.

Yeah, she could be making a living fucking just blowing guys behind the bagel shop I park my car at.

She could still do that. She just hasn't lower her prices now right, You got an teeth in that thing?

Or what is it? I don't know, Like maybe the tats came after maybe she blew her face off and then the tats were a way to like take focus off her face.

But that is Is that a style you like from a white girl, because it's a style I kind of like from a white girl, not one I would want to marry or be around, but want to fuck like that kind of like bohemian like bullshit type of thing again, just to fuck, not to not.

To make the bohemian thing, sure, but not like not like the fake bohemian things. So there is a difference like that, if you just go to Burning Man or whatever,

Yeah, they've been breeders over there ever since. Which this girl could still go over there and be a breeder if she wanted to be.

Yeah, I mean the veil would actually do probably would fix all the problems, right yeah, yeah, they wouldn't know about the tattoos either.

Here you go. No, but I understand what you were saying. But again, we were just talking about putting your dick in something at a tent, in like in a tent somewhere, like fucking something in a tent. I think that fake bohemian thing is totally fine in that circumstance.

Right, Oh, it's fine to fuck, but it's like I don't talk, yeah, but I also say anything.

I don't want to talk too long with the couch surfer either though, because I'm sure she has some opinions that are real retarded.

Dude, that's the best part of her. She has no opinions. She's a nobody, dude. Like, that's the thing. She's just a homeless person.

Oh, they're the best ones. If they go missing, yeah, it even comes to look for them.

You know. That's what a lot of people don't seem to realize is all those fucking people in the sixties who did that like finding yourself thing, that Jack Kerouac shit, that Hunter s Thompson shit. Those were all spoiled rich people with nothing to do, you know, like they just went out and did nothing. They just went out and became homeless.

These are these beat Nicks or not beat Nicks.

Beat Nicks and those inspired by them. Yeah, Like, so you have your like Hunter s. Thompson right, Like it kind of embodies that for me, where it's like fuck authority, fucking formity, fuck anybody but yourself, like hedonism all this bullshit, right, that whole thing is just like, uh, it's just being a homeless person. But you you're cool somehow, you know you're a showered homeless person.

I always forgot Hunter S. Thompson died in two thousand and five. I gotta be honest with you. I think you would have hated Trump, but he would have been disgusted with the Democratic Party too.

Maybe. I think he probably would have been fucking zonked out of his mind and been like, h Johnny, Johnny, you gotta take me back to my room, Johnny.

My wife keeps shitting everywhere, Hunter, and I can't do it.

I can't, I can't. I have to clean my bed.

What a fucking loser, john Can.

You imagine cleaning your wife's shit out of bed and she's not having a demented episode.

Or she's not showering off because you ask for it.

Yeah, I can imagine that part.

No, me too, But like that's another scenario. You know what? Uh go to your worst friend dot com. UH follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at worst friend Cast. Most importantly, I want you to check out our Patreon patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast. You get a bonus episode every week. Access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free, and something else.

Right. Uh yeah, you get a bonus episode where you suck my cock.

Ah, thank you for that. So patreon dot com slash Worst Friend Cast. Uh all right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Do you have anything to say? Why are you reading fucking natural propane safety instructions?

Oh? Because I was gonna say my closing remarks como mana jar una fuga de gas on El Interior Day and unemabo conduct us de gasso natural bajo tierra.

For yours friend Aman with sunglasses.

On Miablo Espanola. Shane, thanks for listening.

We'll see you next week.

You know, all his own Bruno.

You know I'm really gonna mist you go in

The show's over.