Let me finish. This is the first time I committed a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associopath.
Any thrash relationship, any trash.
Ship, your worst friend?
Do you want to know why you're all fucked up? Just look at the fucking problems you hang around with.
You're listening to your Worst Friend Machine and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today by my friend and co hosts. Last week I said we're going to start the introt to something ripped from the headlines. We got no thin this week, the most boring, shitty, fucking week ever.
Now, let's just talk about all the bad stuff.
That Shane, my host, Shane, Hey, what's Shane?
What's up? No, there's got to be something bad, Like there's an election happening. There's always bad stuff happening. What's the new gossip, what's the new scuttle butt? What's the new shit? By the fucking cooler.
Pan, We'll bring it to you here at your Worstfriend dot com. Go to your Worst Friend dot com to get links to everything we do. Follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram. At Worst friendcast. Most importantly, go to Patreon Patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast one dollar a month. You get a bonus episode every week. You get access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free right now. You get a seven day free trial on there.
That's a good way to get it. Is like, you get in there for the seven days, you listen to it all, all three hundred or plus episodes in the seven days, sit there and listen to them all back to back to back to back to back, and then you get the fuck out. Dude, you can go.
You can get that dollar from me. Fuckoh yeah, yeah, we just got all your time. I M this is douchey point. I thought, oh no, this is really cringeing now that they think about it. This is not planned, this is not set up. This is just really really cringey. I have never told anyone what I did in college.
Oh no, are you sure you want to admit that on this on.
Our recording Patreon only, Uh oh you're talking about like gay stuff? No no, no, Patreon only. That only doesn't either.
I'm talking about that girl you killed and talk for a year of college and then you buried her in the sand and then that other guy got blamed for it in Aruba in.
The sand in Aruba, that's one of my favorite ones.
Oh yeah, how that girl got killed while she was getting fucked that night.
That's bad. We mock women for I do, at least for I've been really ripping on chicks lately, and I fucking will not stop. I will. I felt like Connor McGregor, remember when he was like, I want to apologize to absolutely fucking no one. That's how I feel, and then it just keep on stare women like that too. No, that was no. This is when he was the double Champ before the cocaine ruined his career and an actor.
And yeah, so you haven't gotten a starring role in a in a road out.
In a in an eighties reboot.
Well, dude, eighties reboots aren't all bad, you know. And reboot is an ill defined term now because they keep on doing these like reboot sequels. He's either doing a Tron movie with nine inch nails is the soundtrack.
By the way, By the way, yeah, I do know they're making a fucking Tron movie. Do you know how I know they're making a Tron movie? Cuz fucking two weeks ago before the show, and I won't divert too far off Tron. Before the show, we were talking about just manic episodes and this and that, and I had one. A few weeks ago. I was editing an episode at fucking three point thirty in the morning, and I go, well, I'm editing here, and I'm doing photoshop on this screen.
I have a screen over here. I might as well just put Tron Legacy up and watch the entire thing. Then I dove in and read more about Really No, Tron Legacy was really fucking good. So then I started reading about Tron more because I wanted to really really understand the world that they built.
What are they in a Macintosh computer?
No, I think it's a fucking just a cabinet console. Fucking pac Man.
In an arcade game. Yeah, it's like wreck at Ralph Man.
Fucking pac Man. Here's the only time I won't rip women, miss pac Man over pac Man any day.
Right, what's the difference?
Get the fuck out of here. She's got a bow in her hair. I guess pac Man could transition, but she's got a bow in her hair. There's more colorful shit. The music's better. Here's the weird thing pac Man and all the bullshit little packed guys characters within the pac Man Cinematic universe.
There's other characters.
Yeah, they're all Yeah. I was gonna say little packy, but I think if I say that in England, I get fucking arrested for something.
Wants to go there.
They're all owned by one company and Miss pac Man is owned by another company.
Hm.
That's why if you see cabinets.
Okay, so they're never in the same cabinet. No, I mean they don't even with each other.
I mean they could be licensed there. Maybe they are enemies anyway.
Maybe they're enemies who fuck like me and my wife.
Mister and missus Jones. Uh what Yeah, there's a new tron called tron something with.
An A right tron nin.
No, I don't think that's what it is.
What it was on the advertisement.
It wasn't tron nin Daft Punk did the last one right?
Oh I don't know, dude. It just sounded like beeps and boops to me. Tron aries aries. What are they fucking taking up the zodiac? You guys are computers, not stars.
That's funny because the director has a fucking an O in his that has a slash through it, and that looks like a zodia.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's probably the zodiac Son.
I can't even keep tron American anymore. You know how disgusting is this? Souring to Norway? Who made the first one? I don't know who did make the first so I don't know nothing.
Probably some foreigner, I assume someone named.
Abdul abduls tron.
Oh dude, no, they he probably wrote the script, you know, and then fucking Spielberg and Lucas spiced it up a little bit with the blue lines. It was just orange lines in the first script. And then they're like, what if we had the blue lines too going in his zigs when they were zagging.
Steven Lisberg wrote and directed the first tron Berg. All right, I see what you're doing there. That makes sense. Bird, come interesting? Where did you go to church as a boy?
Are you undercover? Ice?
Why is the head of your penis cut off?
Oh?
Did they when they circumcised you? Did they take the head off too?
Of course? Yeah. I just got a little flat little you know, like a half cigar.
Imagine your dick was a you know, like cut diagonally like at an angle, you know, honestly, because we're just talking about where the head goes right, and it's just a cauterized stump with just a little towards the end is just a little bit of skin and when it gets real dry, you kind of just like rub it off, dick.
Well, there's no mentrance.
I mean, there's a piss hole.
Okay, what's in there?
This is where the piss goes. It just comes from.
I guess. I guess that'd be ugly. I wouldn't. I don't know what you want me to say about that. It would be an ugly thing to look at. Yeah, I wouldn't like it if you had that. I'm sorry.
So in college this is not Are we done with tron talk?
Yeah? Yeah, And now we're talking about the sophomore year at college where you killed Natalie Holloway.
I didn't do that, did she? When did she die?
I think we were in high school?
Was it?
Oh?
Okay, good, can't get blamed. Fucking free Jordan Vandersloot, That's what I say.
Oh yeah, let him out for Natalie, not the other murder. It definitely committed. I admitted to.
Senior portrait. Oh she disappeared in two thousand and five.
Yeah, we were in high school. Yeah, okay, were What a wild thing to like commit a murder, get away with it, and then go somewhere else and commit the exact same murder and get caught for it. That's a weird, dumb thing to do, don't you think again.
I will rip women for their being dumb and blah blah blah blah blah and true crime. Oh shut up, you dumb hord blah blah blah. I will watch anything that comes along about Natalie Holloway. Uh well, yeah, the whole, the whole Natalie Holloway cinematic universe. You know what I'm referring to here.
Scott Peterson? Are you gonna say, Scott Peterson?
No, Jen was watching the new Scott Peterson thing that came out, and I wasn't drawn to stop doing what I was doing to fully pay attention to it. I don't. I know, you watched a thing recently that kind of like gave credence to it, and I even know the Innocence Project kind of yeah.
Yeah, the only thing is that they just there's too many. I think Scott Peterson did it. I think I've said that before. I just think that they have a horrible case because there's just so many reasonable doubts, you know, there are too many reasonable doubts for it to be excusable, you know, like if the state can't explain the reasonable doubts, that's the problem, and that's I think why the Innocence Project is taking it up too. I'm pretty sure he killed her, you know.
He'd yeah, I mean, yeah, he should one hundred percent and get a fair trial and get all the evidence looked at and everything for sure, But he killed her.
I'm gonna say ninety nine point nine eight percent killed her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he killed her. Where was Oh? I was watching anything? I will watch anything true crime related about Natalie Holloway, John Bonnet, Ramsey.
Oh yeah, she's great, dude, Such a shame cut short too soon, great career.
By the way, Hey, anyone else there who likes my takes on whatever this and that blah blah blah blah. Just as bad to me are those fucking child beauty pageants. They're just right up there with any kind of the worst thing you don't like on your political side.
What if they're dead babies.
Like they used to do in the Old West when they drop your body up and do you want to take a picture with my They have conventions of them. You can come around and look for the cutest one.
That's a real thing, dude. My wife has pictures of her as a little kid, like smiling next to all these dead folks and coffins, and like her aunt will be standing next to her stoically, and then like the kids are all standing next to the dead person like laughing and shit.
I told you the one I have Gary a fucking third or fourth cousin. This blah blah blah. She was at a funeral. I don't know what she was, Okay, I don't know how she was related. She was at this funeral for my uncle and she kept rubbing his head in the coffin, like putting her hand under his neck and rubbing the top of his head, kissing the top of his head like it's a brand new kiddy. Yes, David's doing well, thank you for asking like this, yeah,
like this, like on, he's fucking eight. The first it was the first funeral of my family that I brought gen too, And she was like, what the fuck is wrong? I was like, we're not all. I've never seen that before.
Oh man, you should go to a Filipino funeral.
They're way better, way better, or way and this. Do you think more kisses would be better or less?
They don't just fucking give them little pecks on the head like they grab onto their arms and fucking cry and scream and get their fucking makeup and tears all over the fucking dead body and stuff and it all it just like beads off me because they've been waxed, you know, pretty pre showing. I guess it's a viewing, but yeah, dude, the Filipinos, they they don't hold back at all day they're theatric and they're not squeamish about handling the dead.
What was the last funeral? I went to my dad's, I guess, But before I guess I had been on a good string and not having to go to them.
Probably my grandma's.
No, I didn't know I had others between then.
Oh that's good. I'm glad that I wasn't the last one.
Okay, uh No, I was looking for a snide comment to make there, but you know, I didn't want to say something. I didn't have anything I should say, it's not like, oh I got a mean thing on deck. I reached you ever just reach into something you know is not there, and it's not there, and you go, cocksucker.
Oh you should do what I do. You just pull something out anyway.
That's not a thing, all right? What was I saying.
Sophomore year at college? You killed a girl.
Soremory of college and I didn't kill anyone. Okay, No, And I don't even know how we got to this point to connect it back. So it's gonna look like I just out of nowhere just went tell you this story. I bought Paul's Boutique on CD.
Oh that's by UH Boys.
But it was their like experimental album and shit right that people hated at one point and then really loved and blah blah blah. It basically like like if Radiohead's career was one rap album, it would be like, at one point we underrated you. Now they're definitely overrating.
You, and mmm, yeah, okay, so I it. You listen to it.
I ran a speaker next to my bed and I played it and listened all night and hope it would give me some form of creative inspiration.
It wouldn't absolutely, my fucking douchebag man. I know anythink I know it was gonna suck your creative inspiration and send it to Tom York.
It wasn't Radiohead, Remember it was The Beast, you boys, Tom.
York is stealing from He's got got the creative energy of all the fucking British people and Jewish people in Hollywood.
I don't really. I'm not a huge fan of the Tom York cinematic universe.
Yeah, I don't like them.
Weird.
Your Oasis is getting back together? Yeah?
Did I really give a ship though?
The songs? Right, That's what I'm saying. Why do people care about oasisuch fucking huge?
Yeah, they were.
Huge, but they again, they only have a couple albums and a couple good songs. I know the names of two of those songs, Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova. I don't even know the other singles.
I don't don't look back in Anger?
Okay, you that one? Anything?
You like that one?
I'm aware of the song because I had that one album, the Morning Glory Album. But then they had another album after that, Right, that was like a huge fucking flop, wasn't it.
I don't Hey, you need don't look back in anger, Wonder Wonder Things. We used to play that in the radio studio when I wanted to flirt with gen because it's like a seven minute song.
Oh really, you should have played in a Gotta DaVita. It's like seventeen minutes and ten of its drums.
And then secretly I would go home and listen to Paul's boutique while I slept all night.
That is so weird, and it like you didn't listen to any other music to get creative energy, So weird.
You are so stupid.
I'm just saying, like, of all the things to get creative energy from, you choose these three Jewish guys who thought they could rap.
I don't know, I don't even. I mean I like the singles with the Beastie Boys. Everything else sounds the same to me.
Well, let's be real, Like some of their lines are funny, the songs are catchy, they're cool, but all of them.
Sound like this, and they all sound like they gets sucked.
In as It's like, what the fuck, dude, why did anybody find that appealing as a rap style?
Ah? Yeah, I don't know. I'm a pussy cracker. Though, like, that's oh, that's who's I mean, who runs the world. Don't say what you're actually thinking. Pussy white guys, right.
Weak ass fucking I.
Mean, that's why Eminem is in the top whatever you want to say of rappers of all time.
He's the best one.
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I bet he's different on Chalamagne the gods lea.
Oh dude. I seen him get called out so many times. I saw a master P. I saw master P.
On Charlamagne once your middle wake gun.
One time I saw Charlemagne and he's like, yo, master.
P, hey you you haven't hit that bitch.
And then master P was like nah, man, and he like started to move on for a second, and he started to say something else, and he's like, hold on, hold on a bit. You can't be talking like that bad. I know this is your show. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but that's a female. Man. You can't be just talking like that. He's calling out her name like that, asking me about that. She can't even hear, man, like,
what's your mama? Don't think man, this is master P. Master P was who I don't know his song, I know that he was the founder of dresser companies where they had an album every week with like that dark ass photo shop where the letters were unreadable on top of the on top of the top of the cover art. You know, it'd be like a juvenile hose from the street and that would be the title, but it would
be illegible. It just looked like cinder blocks underneath a poorly cut out picture of juvenile like flashing gang signs on top of a nuclear explosion. You know that's yeah, Even the fucking emblem is unreadable. It's just like diamonds on a on a gold chain, and it looks like it was. The photograph was taken from at a forty five degree angle with the light at a ninety degree angle.
Imagine you're getting called out from being disrespectful for some females. For master P.
Master P looks like he looks like Muhammad Ali after a brain transplant, because his head he's all swollen, you know, under the do rag it looks like a bandage on top of a swollen like skull. And then his face is real swollen too, like he got beat up like Mohammad Ali.
You're saying that it's just a chubbier black guy. Why did we have to do? Mom and Ali translan.
That's trying to be respectful, you know.
So what is he gonna be smart now? Like real intelligent, because that was a pretty intelligent guy.
No, this is just to get him back after all those hits to the head.
Oh imagine that's how they find out Parkinson's is like strictly a brain thing. He is not a nerve thing whatsoever. They threw mom and Ali's it brain inside master Piece Bunny and he just starts wiggling like he's fucking dancing.
Oh that might be a like default for master P a lot of the time. I don't I don't know him outside of Charlemagne.
I don't know much about master P. I just liked when he put Supermen in his place.
Yeah, I like when he finally took Charlemagne down a notch.
Man. This is okay, all right? Where were we?
I think we're going to watch a guy eat meat or something or you had listened to Oasis. I don't fucking know. You still on a girl named Jen? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was Jen, Jen like my wife Jen, Like.
Oh dude, I thought it was Jen, the other girl that you fucked.
Hey, you know what's funny. I when Jen and I got together, I was initially hitting on her friend because I didn't know Jen was interested at all. And Jen's other friend, whose name was also Jen the Jen Cinematic Universe obviously, uh we behind the scenes called her the pig because she seemed slutty. Maybe she just said slutty stuff, but she also kind of had an upturned nose and
she was kind of a pig. So this whole time, Jeny, the girl I really want, is like longing for me to ask her out, and I'm just hitting on her pig friend the whole time, not knowing because I'm looking to get my fucking corkscrewed dick wet.
You know, yeah, dude, because you're like, oh, my dick is a corkscrew She's a pig, which are known for corkscrew tail, so I'll fuck her. Makes total sense.
Don't pigs have corkscrewed dicks?
Do they? I don't know. That's interesting if they do.
Yeah, you want to watch one.
I would like to see one if that's what they are.
Right. Slow newsweek folks, Oh dude, but it's like, when else are you going to get this learning experience? Pig penis just look, just put a cock. Okay, don't just put it like that.
That doesn't look like a corkscrew. That looks great and like it would go in deep.
Oh my god, hold.
On, are they gonna fuck ew?
Okay, all right, don't put it and I know you're right, but don't put it like that. It just feels because.
It feels they make love. Because it feels wrong.
He's gonna fucking breed her.
Yeah, I feel like I should just have no, you know. Fuck, It's just that, you know, that's just nature taking its course.
You know that chickens in the cuckchair.
Yeah, please don't, please don't. It's okay, it's okay, Please don't, please don't.
It's okay. No, God, God, keep going no, please don't do It's so sad. You just made the cute little it just that was hurt me. I don't know why.
Oh dude, I think that's like no, it's like the please don't is part of the fantasy, you know, he tall, he warns the pig. You know, it's like, look, there's a safe word, right, Okay, I'm gonna say if I say, if I say, yeah, it's all good. You can keep sucking my piggish wife. I'm gonna just sit over here and cluck and say please don't if I say, uh, you know, the butcher's coming means butcher's coming.
You know. Hey, let's watch these pigs fuck all right.
Let's see what his dick looks like. Oh, Dan, he's coming already?
Who he is? You see that?
Why is he doing that? What's wrong with him?
Add how is he doing? What?
He's coming? I don't know.
It's exciting, It's just curiosity, dude, Like what the fuck?
Oh shit?
I would like to know is it normal for Higgs to come so fast?
Hit me the rate? Oh it's coming? What is he too? You doing it? If you could help it?
It's like, well do they just okay, so here's a good story for you. Here's a good story, all right. So I want to know, like they just continually like, squirt come and I have a good basis for this, right, okay. So when we're in Iraq, right.
Just a fucking village woman pregnant.
Oh no, I wish man. That would have been so cool because then I wouldn't have had to take care of it. I could have just killed her like she had a bomb, it's in her belly.
Were you with your wife before you left or after before?
Okay?
And she lived back on bass when you.
Was in Reno, Nevada.
Oh, okay, okay, okay. I just I didn't know the timeline on getting fucked by Jody.
Anyway, the fucking Oh I'm in Iraq.
It's a weird black name.
Oh, but it's it's a fitting one, you know.
Good.
But anyway, the porn selection in Iraq, like I mean now, like you can literally search for anything. I think there's even a website called Rule thirty four where for those who don't know, Rule thirty four is like if you can imagine it, or if you can think of it, you can dream it up, then there's porn of it, you know, like it already exists somewhere and it's porn. And that seems to be the case for most things.
But the Internet wasn't as expansive. We didn't have like we you know, I had a browser on my flip phone, and web pages some of them wouldn't even load, you know, like you couldn't go to MySpace even on my cell phone. It would just like crash the browser. So the the porn selection was great, Like you were trading with everybody, and there was this one dude and nobody wanted to trade porn with him, like oh, they're like, oh god,
his fucking porn is crazy. And I remember being like someone had mentioned, like, oh, Magio, that was this guy's name, this Italian guy who I think I saw on Instagram a couple of years ago. He is like he's one of those fake, really fake people. Like all he posts are like pictures of himself throwing up peace signs with like oh it's me and my niece and I'm the
best uncle. And it's like or he'll be like building a deck and it's like working on this deck with my grandpa or something, and it's like yeah, and every everything's like positivity and shit. But it's like he's got two likes. He's severely out of shape, you know, he looks tired and sick. He's just like a weird fake guy.
That The other one that's like that is another guy you guys hung around with, Chris Chris p.
Oh yeah, I believe.
Oh yeah, hey, what's up, what's up? Yeah? Fucking oh that's the worst too. Yeah yeah, So well, what are you doing this weekend exactly?
Yeah, right, yeah, just just following.
For engagement too, like what are you doing this week?
Yeah, it's it's like not not tagging any church, or would I comment on this?
You know?
Well, I'm saying like that the post is just so bare bones, right, it's like they're not even tagging. Oh ok, like like you know, I'm saying it's like, you're right, why would I comment on it? Because it is so like it it's such a cry for attention, you know, like it'd be one thing if you were volunteering with your church, right, and it's like I'm here with at little church on the prairie, you know, and we're giving out lunchboxes. Great, great engagement. We had this turnout, We
gave this many lunches away. I can't wait to see y' all at the next event.
And if you want to donate go to sure.
Yeah. But this is just him. It's like, oh, I'm building this deck, I'm doing this, I'm I'm donating. What have you done? Just like you said? You know, but it's like, yeah, didn't tag anybody, didn't show me a finished product. It's just like you sitting outside with a tape measure. But anyway, this guy he had the fucking craziest porn.
Okay, wait, wait, do you think he's fucking Dexter? Do you think he's fucked up on the inside that's why you had and outside he's like, I'm just building a house with my daddy.
Well and maybe did Dexter fuck kids?
No he didn't. We mostly just killed serial killers or pedophiles and stuff. He killed pedophiles. Did he wanted to be the last one on the blog? He was? They only wanted to do that here. Yeah, part of the pedophilic Highlander cinematic universe, which is yeah, Warner dumped all their money into that instead of Batman.
They should.
Okay, so anyway, what was now Wait, it's sommer year in college. Uh, and this guy is cracking open his porn and what is it?
So I remember like people had said like, oh, he's got the craziest porn, and then I think they had maybe they had rearranged squads or something or maybe oh yeah, you know what I think it was like for different parts of being in Iraq, we had different sleeping arrangements. So for the first couple months or maybe month and a half, we were there. We were in like a shed that could hold maybe eight people, you know, and there was like another shed right next to it that
would have another eight people. And the living arrangements weren't based on who you were like in a squad with, so who you would go on patrol with, who you worked with, you know. So that kind of sucked. That was like a really shitty situation. It was just like what we were in. And then we moved to another place for the majority of our deployment, and we were there for like probably four months, and then we were
in another place for a couple of months. But in this other place, there was like that's where our squad was together. It was we were all living in the same building, all in one place. So I don't I don't think. I had lived with Maggio for a couple of months, maybe a month, a month and a half, and then I had heard like, oh, he's a freak,
he's a weirdo, he stinks, he's got crazy porn. And then like we're in the hooch all together in this new place, and finally I'm bunking with everybody in my squad and not just like two people, and like Maggio is like sitting on his bed like so like there's just some beds or bunk beds. Some beds are single and they're in a corner. They're all shit, you know. They're all just like wire frames with a mattress on them.
But Magio is like sprawled out with his legs like the definition of man spreading.
You know.
He's got like his fucking big pork chop body like slammed against the wall and his legs spread, and his laptop open in between his legs, and there's like a person on each side of him, you know. And people normally didn't like Maggio, you know, right, weird to see two people on his sides watching whatever he had on his screen, you know. So I'm like, what the fuck's Magio got going. He's got this huge grin on his face, you know. And I go over there, and it's hold
on real quick. I want to smoke this before my timer runs out.
Okay, all right, Shane's just gonna build the anticipation, and while he does, I'll say, hand over to our Patreon Patreon dot com Worst Friend cast.
So Maggio spreading his legs, got the laptop there between his legs, people like Melendez. I'm sure. I'm certain Melendez was there because I remember his reaction. I'll get to it. But he's he normally hated Maggio. He would like talk shit to him. And he's like sitting over his shoulder watching the screen, and I go over. And this is why I ask, is it a normal reaction for pigs to just come for the entire active intercourse? Like, you know, if they're going to fuck for two minutes, do they
just come the whole time? Because Magio's goes his laptop open and there's a video and it's a woman and she's sucking a donkey's dick. She's just sucking, like and the donkey's dick is huge. Man, it is like it is a yard. It is three feet easy. This thing is huge, man. And this is not simulated porn. This is not some fucking guy in a suit or the they have like a split screen, or they have like they have it switched out like at a frame, or they have a guy in a suit in one frame,
or a fake dick attached. No, this is a real donkey. This is filmed in some other fucking country. I don't even know where in this whole country obviously not a good country.
Yeah, this will hey, hey, hey, hey, we're a first world country still, And I am sure someone is filming some woman suck a donkey's cock somewhere on the on these beautiful lands that are.
I wouldn't I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a land of freedom. But I look, so I didn't start the video with them, so I didn't see it. Disclaimer, Yeah, but so I can't make any guarantees, but uh, yeah, this girl didn't give any sort of verbal consent in the video.
You know.
It was just like a really like icky video, and she seemed to be digging it, you know, because they were like probably telling her to dig it, you know. But she's just sucking this donkey's dick for a long a long time, dude. She is like and she can't suck the whole thing, right, she can barely get it in her mouth. So she's just like, you know, like getting some of the head of the donkey's dick in her mouth and like moving it around and stuff, and like going up and down the shaft, and I shit,
you not, dude. The entire length of the video, this donkey just fucking ejaculated the whole time. It's just like shooting in her mouth and her face. She had the Oh yeah, she fucked it. She had it in her pussy and shit, it was ejaculating in her I was like, Oh my.
God, dude, she's gonna have babies. You have donkey babies, you know, Like, what the fuck? How is she going to pass a donkey out of there? It was the craziest shit, you know, and it was definitely illegal. And yeah, it just never stopped coming, just kept coming the whole time. It's like, I wish I could do that.
Somewhere There is a Warner Brother's exit excutive going, how can we buy the rights to that footage?
Man?
We got to put something on Max that people are going to watch, And it sounds like people actually wanted to watch this.
Oh yeah, for I mean a couple of minutes at least. I mean I kind of wanted to like examine it more thoroughly on my own to just kind of get an idea of just like the science behind all the stuff. But other than that, yeah, it was just like it was. It was illuminating, to say the least.
I went I went to this porn store one time in the last five years, because I think I told the story early on and I went in there, I don't even know what I was looking for. I was probably looking for like a sex toy or like a lube or something like that, and I'm looking at asshole. Well, but I told you this story before about it's the same shop where there's a theme in her room and it's like a wrap around type thing, and the store's kind of in the front. I've obviously never been in
the theater room. That's just I have no need for that. If you enjoy them cool. So when I was there, this fucking forty two and a half year old Indian man comes out of there with his pants unbuckled, just a handful of tissues on his dick. I can't see his dick, but it's like covered because he's holding his pants up. And then he goes to the bathroom and he opens the door and goes in and he closes it behind him, and I was like, oh.
Why do they have a bathroom? I feel like the theater booth should accomplish whatever he would do in the bathroom. Was he gonna shit there?
I don't know.
I don't know. Imagine that you bust a nut at this theater and then you have the audacity to take a shit there too. What an asshole? What a what a fucking asshole. You come to my country, you open a sationalist thing.
You come to my fucking country. Look here, look here, you come to my country, you go in my poor no theaters, But then you have the audacity to go into the bathroom and drop drop a curry shit, drop a teak of.
A soliturn, and my toilet. Get the fuck out of here on the fucking elephant you rode in on.
So this was the same shop. But but uh, at one point I was looking at something and like dudes were going in and out of the theater. There was not a woman to be seen. It was the oddest thing, right.
Well, watching someone get fuck a donkey, right, is that what happened?
No, but at one point some guy I made eye contact with me and it really grossed me out.
Why why would they do that? I feel like one As soon as you walk in the store, she had like a blinding light that shines at a angle from the ceiling from all directions, so you have to look at the floor it's brilliant.
It's really really smart. But I some dude makes icons. I go, I just turn in a grand a.
You make that sound.
Look, I'm not homophobic. It's just a visceral reaction. If I make eye contact with another man, I think, oh, he wants to fuck me, probably missionary kiss me.
Well, I mean, I think it'd be a visceral reaction for me if if I made eye contact with the woman coming out of the Donkey Theater.
In the Donkey Theater cinematics.
She's the Thanos of that universe.
Uh so, yeah. I quickly turn around and kind of grab a DVD off the shelf and I look at it and it's a woman getting sucked by a dog.
What the fuck?
And I turned. They have a little section. It's like four movies across and like you know, seven or eight rows down like you would see at a movie store or Suncoaset video whatever it was.
It's their back room.
Yeah, except it was right up front, like right up front. I could not have been more upfront. And it was just dogs, it was horses. It was it's no kids, no, no, no, I understand you know what. I have to apologize there, I said, it in a county tone like this, like come on, man, no, no kids, Well, why the illegality of it is not that much worse than this woman literally sucking a dog's deck. So I should not have said that in such a tone. I apologize.
That's what I'm trying to fix out, Like were these like, were these printed by companies or are these.
Just like these were printed by a fucking epsom inkjet eight? Okay, four ten?
You know gota? Okay? Was there any branding whatsoever, like by John.
If you told me, hey, you can go see it now, I would so I could analyze the entire thing. Uh, there was. I didn't have enough time to look. I just saw a dog. It looked like a it's a cop dog.
Oh dude, Maybe the whole thing was a sting.
What what is a cop dog? What are they?
German sheperd German shepherd? Yeah, maybe they just had like they they had like a female officer full eight, one of the canine units. Like come on, let's take this picture real quick. We'll make this beast reality this fake cover. We'll put it up at the local porno shop and anyone tries to buy away, arrest them.
They can't photo shop and they have to. I get that new female officer. You gotta suck that dog, the dog that's close to retirement.
Right, Yeah. I sent him out on a high and o to it's yeah, this is all that being done at his retirement party. By the way, wasn't wasn't an initiative by the township or anything.
I heard a story on a podcast I forget where Mickey Mantle got blown underneath the bleachers one time at like the Yankee Stadium or something, and there's like a leakers. There's a way this was Mickey Mantle time, you know, light sixties.
No, you know, well they didn't let black people play, right because they were slaves.
Uh no, at this point black people will play Oh okay, yeah yeah Mickey Mantle time. Yes, Babor time, Hey, back of the bus. Oh slaves. No, they weren't slaves. They just weren't treated anywhere close to human. And by like Mickey Mantle's time, they were treated somewhat human.
You know, yeah, the sub human got it and.
Uh uh she said the girl the woman was like, well, what do you want me to do with the comb? Afterwards? And these responses, I don't know I'm not a cocksucker, and it just made me. It made me laugh. I don't know, he drank through two livers, you know that.
Oh fuck, that's a shame.
That is right. It could have gone to someone who you know.
Who could have not drank through it and wasted it. It's like a it's like, uh, and you know what else is a shame. The liver is such an extraordinary organ. Did you know that when you get a liver transplant, generally what they'll do is they'll cut out a large piece of a healthy person's liver, stick it in the sick person, and a whole new liver grows. Yep.
Yeah, yeah, I've been watching a lot of House lately.
Yeah. Oh that's so fucking cool. Dude. I think that's like, that's double wasting it because it's like, dude, we could have put it in a girl who is uh, has a twin, and she could have grown a liver and then she could have given it to her or twin, because why not.
We're gonna get back to the pig dick thing in a second. But are you an organ donor?
Yeah?
I tell this to Jen all the time. Fucking whatever they can take from me. Just take it, give it to someone else.
Yeah, or you don't even dude, just take it and fucking bring it home with you.
Put it in a lunch box. There's a sell it to fucking Robert Kennedy Junior as a fucking yeah.
Or yeah, you just put it on display at your house. Like people come over, they're like, what what the fuck is this? This is a guy. I just found this guy one day at work and I brought him. You get out that.
It's just deliver It's just sitting there a kidney under glass. But it's stink still. You could have my whole skin if you want it. So funny because can we skin him?
Though?
And well he's an organ donor. But they said everything was good on this guy. They just start peeling it off.
He said he only wants to donate his bones.
Everything else should remain in tag. But he like to donate his bones.
Yeah, he wants everything else to be buried and displayed for the viewing. But anybody who needs a bone marrow transplant, Yeah, get that ship on ice.
Just crack one of his fevers and start sucking it out. You're good man. Not only not only will he donate all of his bones. If you don't want his bones, we still need to remove them. He doesn't want to be buried anywhere near his fucking bones.
That's actually his dying wish is that, no matter what, he cannot be in the same casket as his bones. There's a subtext that says, do with that, or do with what?
Do what you will with that?
Oh, with that information, sorry, but know that my bones will not be with myself. Yeah. That's the thing. Is like I feel like when you skin somebody, it's really easy, right, But the like you skin a deer you can see that pig and skin a squirrel, you could easily skin a person. Right, it's the same fucking outer layer. We just have less fur. But getting the bones right, Like, how do the taxidermy guys do all that shit?
I don't know. We interviewed a porn star that is an expert at doing that stuff.
Yeah, but I wanted to talk to her about her pussy and taking cock and stuff.
Good. Oh, I don't know. I asked Jen if she wanted to do that with our cat. Probably the cat died, you're coming up on a year ago, but probably like two or three years before that. I was like, hey, because she was she has a I bought her a fully articulated cat skeleton. Oh yeah, underglasses or something. So I was like, hey, you know, if you want to get her done like that or whatever, totally fine. But when it came to she's like, no, no, no, it's cool. We'll just create her and take her.
That's probably better. You don't want to have, like you don't want her to have like an inception situation where she keeps seeing the cats skeleton and then she can't remember if the cat is alive or dead.
I told her, you know what she really want, and I told her, no, it's like my one, we can't do that. And it's not supernatural, it's it's weird. Okay, Oh you don't want human bone. No human bones, man's weird.
The bones are cool, dude.
No, because there was a there was a person attached to that, and it's it's too close to me.
Yeah, it's a human and now they're in pieces because it's their bone. Sure, but it's like, what's the big deal? So, like what you think, like that that cat wasn't a cat or something.
No, it was a cat, it just wasn't on the same level. Of intelligence or m it wasn't on the same like. That's what I was, a plane of existence.
That's what I was trying to explain to you with that Buddhism shit earlier, was that, like I see that as a fundamental difference in how you and I look at the world. I really and that's what I was also talking about with that grounding shit, And like how I haven't really looked into like that whole, like the New Age belief of grounding. I more of just get the sense of being very connected to the earth when my skin touches the ground, you know, and it's just
like this visceral thing, this hard to articulate feeling. And I feel like part of that is that I really do kind of see everything that's alive on the same plane doesn't require any level of intelligence or abstract thought or ability to love or speak or anything. I don't care about anything. I feel. I feel like the mushrooms and the trees and the amiebas and the algae and the viruses, and the pigs and the goats and the humans and the monkeys, I feel like we really are
all all equal. We just put a lot of value on being alive you.
Know, I interviewed a girl this season. I won't say who she is, but for going deeper.
Is a surprise or you don't want to embarrass you.
I don't want to embarrass her.
She was.
I got her. Let's just say it was a Monday, right on Saturday and Sunday. She was in South America, unable to get a plane home.
Okay, in a shit ol country.
Oh, I didn't know, probably a decent deep You'll know probably by the next thing.
She was dope. Okay.
So I get her on Monday, which is how I this just it reminds me of what you just said about the mushroom style and blah blah and this and that whatever. I got her on Monday. On Sunday and Saturday, she was basically fighting through an airport to get home. On Friday, she had finished her ayahuasca journey. M So I get this chicken. I gotta ask her about fucking this will give it away and yeah, are a fucking old man. It's her specialty. She fucks like seventy five eighty year old men.
Well, dude, I just follow the old men, and I just see how that girls say.
Fuck, look at this guy's getting so much bussy.
Oh dude, I love those old men who fuck.
Yeah, that's gross. I'll be dead long before that. I'm jealous of them. Let's better that way.
It's just the only thing keeping me alive.
Right now, you're hoping to get there.
Yeah, well I'm not even hoping to get there. I just think, like, man, at this guy can be seventy, and like if this guy must have felt like hardship at some point in his life, Like this guy was probably about to kill himself when he was fifty eight, right, and then some nineteen year old bitch was like, hey, I need an old man to fuck for this dirty video,
and like his life was forever changed, you know. So it's like I'm not holding out with the idea of like being him and just like fucking all the time. When I'm seventy, I'm holding out like maybe I'll make it to fifty something and then my life will get good. Yeah.
See, I lost my thread again because I had just accept your That was brilliant. That was smart.
You were talking to her about an ayahuasca trip. You got her on Mondays.
You should run her memoried Oh life in life and Babbo comparing it. Yeah, I don't know. I think human consciousness is a pretty special thing, is how I kind of view it. What I liked to be, you know, a vegetarian or whatever. Yeah, sure, you know, to help animals, but at the same time, I do put us a plane above a lot of other animals. That's the close I think I probably do base it on intelligence, you know.
That's another thing from like that I kind of take from Buddhism too. It's like there's there's no emphasis put on not eating meat, you know, like because we're animals that obviously eat meat. The emphasis is put on not being cruel, right, you shouldn't. I think there's specific words
about like how you should treat your animal. You should show respect to an animal if you're going to kill it for food, and you shouldn't kill it for a reason other than like food or shelter or some practical purpose, you know. And it's like the Native Americans, you know, like everyone has this idea, probably romanticized idea of how respectful they are to the creatures that they killed and
ate and did stuff with. But I think for the most part, because I know that in some cases there's probably some tribes that didn't show a lot of respect, and that there's some that on occasion would just massacre animals so white people couldn't eat. Like, there's exceptions, right, But for the most part, I believe that that's one thing that was kind of universal for Native Americans was that they were not only resourceful with dead animals, but
respectful of them. Sure, and I think that that's compatible. And I feel like a lot of people make this false equivalence, right like you just did. And I'm not saying that you just did it because.
You're stupid, You're just implying it.
No, I'm just saying, well, you play the devil's advocate a lot, so I'm just saying that it's the natural thing to jump to, right. But I don't think that you have to just autumn be a vegetarian to consider a cat and a pig you're equal, you know, or a chicken or anything in a sense. Would you know, it's like, I don't want them voting.
Would you eat human beings?
Fuck?
Yeah, dude, you would eat human meat.
Yeah, dude, if it was like prepared properly.
Legitimate, you would eat human meat.
Yes, I mean yeah, I've thought about this all a bunch of times.
I've thought about this all the time.
Well, watching Yellowjackets and shit like that where people are like stranded, it's like you always have the discussion and it's like I can't. I can't. Well, first of all, I can't be impractical just about my eating habits now, right, Like so just today, I on my lunch break was looking through the cabinet. I was like, fuck, fuck, we only have all the shit that I said for the last three days. I didn't want to eat, but it's
the only stuff left. So my choices were like dry ramen because the seasoning packet got mysteriously used on something else.
Oh, probably on a different ramen that was super seasoned.
Right, yeah, probably a better ramen.
Yeah. I think we did that with easy Mac down in Maryland. I think we would want me and you. I think maybe we would one cup and put two packs.
Oh we did, We did do that. It was some fucking good.
Oh my god.
We had all these extra noodles.
You know, gives a shit fucking noodles. You go down the area or someone your equivalent my uncle or something, goes and goes on sure like some easy Mac and goes to open it. There's no fucking cheese. Could you imagine? Oh dude, well you know, I yeah, went through it.
Yes, I think that was actually a miscommunication because back in the day they had, like my mom bought easy Mac for my sister, and I think she would specifically buy the extra cheesy one, and I never knew that. And so the way they do the extra cheesy one is they just put an extra packet of cheese for every packet of noodles, and so I just assumed that that's how they were all made.
When you open, when you go, this one's only got one in there. Huh.
It's not even slimy or anything. Doesn't sound like pussy at all. I don't know what pussy sounded like back then. You probably did, uh, I mean I knew a little bit, but I didn't know how fucking gushy and squishy it sounded.
Watch this pig, how about that? Wait? What were we talking about?
Oh?
Oh, you would fucking you would cut off some guy's head rather.
Than oh yeah, yeah, we talk about it all the time. Yeah, like, if if I had to like to you know, not oh just to enjoy like a.
Nice saying fogo to chow a fucking you know, Brazilian steakhouse, and they go today, we have a specialty of human come around.
Yeah, I'll say this if I was pretty sure, I wasn't. Okay, now I'm not even gonna say that. This is what I'll say. I would eat human to avoid being disrespectful. I'll take it one step further. I would eat human to avoid ruffling feathers.
So ruffling feathers. So, if you're in a situation where they are serving human, you may not be in the most ideal situation to speak up and go this is wrong.
Right, Yeah, if you're being served human, I assume it's under the assumption that your choice is to eat the human or to be the next meal. Yeah.
Yeah, you may even be just getting fattened up to be the next meal. Who knows.
Imagine that they're just feeding humans to humans so that humans can eat humans. That doesn't make sense.
Cut that out, Cut that out, and write that that's brilliant sci fi novel.
It doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't make sense a lot, but I think it's already green.
Yeah, okay, all right, well let's watch this big fuck huh.
All right, let's see what it looks like.
It's gonna get me everything. It really was coming a whole bunch to see that.
It was like it was like a hypodermic, like a syringe. She doesn't want it, man, don't.
Well, she's gonna take it, all right.
She doesn't have a choice.
Man, did you see it?
Oh? It shoots out like a fucking prop knife.
It looks like a norm Walll just coming through his body.
Yeah, it's like, oh god, do you see it?
Is it's ridged for her pleasure?
Yeah, it looks like it looks like a hornet stinger.
It is. I guess fucking balls too, man, yeah, okay, yeah.
Oh jesus, oh god, he just can't stop nutting. It's growing. It's like a centipede or something. It's like a tape for them. Oh my god, it's just it's when tuppled in size. Just now, Holy shit.
Chickens like do I peck around there? Or he fucking came or no?
The chicken's like I asked for this, I asked for this. It's okay, okay, oh we can't.
I can't find it now. But that's my favorite one. That that.
What the guy where he's like, stop, I don't want you to or whatever, and she's like, no, that one.
There's so well, yeah, there's no boy in there doesn't work under any circumstance.
Because there's a to me and okay, boy to me is an okay, all right. It's like if you're getting you're like said, slavery was a mindset. I think you're on the scene. Yeah, dude, yeah, I think all right, Yeah, I'll agree. I mean he's sold eighteen million records worldwide, right or more more than that?
Yeah?
Yeah, it's eighty Yeah, maybe one hundred and eighty.
I don't really know. I don't Yeah, I don't have the statistical.
That how much does this kayada come though?
Let's see. Oh no, he's going near the fucking chickens watering hole.
Does he think the food is his? Oh no, Dick's going back and oh god, oh what is he doing. He's convulsing? Oh and his Dick's shoot out. It's like a thermometer on a turkey. It's thrusty, yet it's cooked. It's cooked. It's not cooked. It's cooked, it's not cooked.
Oh, the chicken needs to get to be from the back the chickens, Like, do you want me to clean you up?
Chicken. You done. You don't you want me to wipe you down? Up?
You're going to clean you with my mouth?
Health Yeah, he just wants to see the balls, I think.
Look at these fucking things. Oh kind of touch them?
Oh sorry, just look at it.
Look at it.
Oh god, it's cork screwed. Like you said, it's all quirky. Dude, that thing looks like it's all quirky. It looks like one of the tentacles in DreamCatcher. Ah. Is this guy gonna fuck? Ever? Is she just walking around coming the whole time?
I don't know? And what is the dude doing taking pictures you?
Oh god, it looks like a drill bit spinning and ship diamond tip to drill bit, a diamond tip, pink drill bit. Yeah, the new new model made out of fucking Oscar Meyer hot dog leftover residue. Oh oh god, dude, it really does drill in and out of him.
Huh, he's cool, man, look at him. Probably slide down your throat real easy, though, you know. Nah? All right, guy, you got the footage, Like, yeah, I'm.
Saying I thought they were gonna fuck. He's just filming. He's like just stuck out. This guy, he's dicking balls, loves it. Yeah, he reminded me of something when you said sliding down your throat like I was eating some soft serve yesterday from.
Costa Soft Serve so good.
It's my favorite ice cream. It's so much better than that hard ice rock shit.
It's not significantly better, it is it. It's just a different thing. It's great to me.
To me, it's an altogether better thing. I don't really like ice cream unless it's soft serve, and I didn't realize that until I came out here, and soft serve wasn't the norm. They got cold Stone, they got Basking Robins, they got Dairy Queen, which fucking sucks.
Dark Queen's good.
No, I don't like Drey.
You have grown Chill. Do you have their food too?
Yeah? Yeah, we do have one of those, and it's bad. And their chicken strips are awful.
They're okay, they're pretty They're not great, but they're pretty good. They're frozen, but their cheese curds are delicious.
That sounds good. I might try that.
They're just like mozzarella sticks. Basically, they're balls. Go ahead, But I.
Don't get a lot of soft serve out here. I got the Costco swirly like chocolate vanilla the other day and it was fuck. It just felt so good going down my throat, you know, like, oh man, this is so soothing. And I thought, like, man, what if you could do that with your dick, like to make it
more enjoyable for girls to suck your dick? You know, so like what if like like when you got your dick suck like pieces of it would like melt off and like slide gently and coolly down the girl's throat and then it would regenerate like infinitely, like and your dick is like this cold like melting thing, and then girls would want to suck your dick all the time.
All right, let's jump on over the feature on your Worst friend dot com. Follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram, at worst friendcast, Patreon dot com, sace worst friend Cast. Today we're gonna be talking about something for a well a certain amount of time.
Like you never thought about that, like when you're eating soft served like this would make me want to suck a dick, Like, oh man, if this was if like I could swallow a dick and also the come and it would be all like cold and sweet like this ice cream when it goes to my throat, Like damn, I would love to suck a guy's dick if it was like this ice cream, which is soft serf, not the hard kind. Like who wants that, right? But wouldn't
that be? Like you never had that thought? Like damn, if this was what sucking a dick was, like, I would love.
To suck one for Hero's friend. I'm Matt.
I'm curious though, really.
Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. You know, always a cruder. You know, I'm really gonna miss you on in the show's over,