Ep. 233 The Peter Principle

Let me finish. This is the first time I committed a hate crime.

Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or.

Something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath An. You're thrashed ship any trash pit. You're a worst friend. Do you want to know why you're all fucked up? Just look at the fucking problems you hang around with. You're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today, but my friend and co host I almost said I'm Shane. Shane.

Hey, I'm Matt.

Go to your Worst Friend dot com, follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at Worst Friend Cast, and most importantly, check out our Patreon. We just got a new patron. Actually, I don't know you're aware of.

What's her name?

It is a lady. How did you know?

Because I'm the lady? Oh are you no? I just know it's how a good little women's intuition is.

All someone named Noah. All right, shout out Noah, good shout it's a boy. Yeah. Maybe are you fucking prejudging gender based on name?

I'm just hearing the name Noah, and I'm thinking of boys isn't Noah in the Bible?

A boy, I guess, isn't Noah in the Bible fucking four hundred years old?

Yeah? And they never do discuss Noah's genitalia.

That's true.

Uh.

Interesting fact. I don't know the one hole that you may ship and come out of?

Right?

Who has that? Birds? Do lizards have that?

Birds? Lizards? Fucking probably some people?

Uh?

Sponges like they split in half?

I think kloaca is the rear worrifice that serves as the only opening for the digestive, reproductive, and urinary tracts of many vertebrate animals.

Fish. Oh well, fish are not vertebrates, are they? Are they? Yeah? They are? Yeah? Did they count because they don't have bones they're all cartilage? Or do they count?

I don't know. Would you eat a kloaca though?

Oh dude, I tongue it down, eat it out. I put some fucking vinegar on it, grill it up. Uh.

Interesting little fact. We were talking about names before, right, Did you know Lebron James's two best friends are Maverick Carter and Rich Paul And that means all three of them have two first names.

Is Lebron even a real first name though that's fair.

I mean it is a first name. Technically, all you really have to do is lock in the second one, because whatever you give the first one counts you are than that one.

Yeah, I think we should. I think maybe we'll even start seeing a trend of last name first names, so like Williams Jake.

I don't know. I don't think so. You think that'll become the new trendy things Smith Paul. I want to get rid of my parents colonizer names when they came here from fucking Pennington, McCulla, Pete. I don't.

Do it.

You could just have Ukrainian or Russian names. They all sound like first and last names.

That I hate their names. Do they sound cool?

I hate their stupid language. If I'm being honest, I'll due respect.

It sounds cool. I think it's one of the coolest sounding but I hate the fact that you got to learn a new alphabet like it. Just use the regular one. Shut the fuck up.

I think it sounds mean and aggressive and unnecessarily like furious all the time.

But it's still got an elegance to it. Like Korean sounds mean and unnecessarily nasty and furious all the time, but Russian does that in a much more elegant, fancy sort of way.

You know.

It's like it's like French but not gay.

Okay, here's a Korean lady. Let's see, I can speak Korean. Just I don't know. This is just a short. We weren't planning, Okay, you got to share your thing and talk. Okay, that's I was gonna after I played it a couple times and said, you got no commentary on that?

How can I say I can speak Krean just a little bit?

Oh rupet after Now, to be fair, I did pick like the sweetest little Korean person that anyone's ever seen.

Let's see if it sounds sweet and cute, though I bet it still sounds confrontational.

You think so? All right, let's see me too.

Gum pati to gum paki choke paquet yeah, chogum, I see I them fine, I thought that was sweet.

Now let's do a comparison of Russian. Here's a chick, right, yeah, here's a bitch, yeah in that show. Okay, let's see. Okay, how about this one. This one looks like she's only saying hello and goodbye.

Hello, my sexy possums.

Welcome to Russian Vesnasha. Today we will be learning some important household awards.

I excuse me.

I takes just a very pajala state. Remind me of my access picton.

They also see she's from New Jersey. Really.

They also sound somewhat dumber when they don't quite get the English ribe.

Yeah, I'm not gonna front this Russian girl. She proved your point over mine. She's stupid and she sounds like a nasty cunt. Russians they're nasty. Koreans are sweet food?

Is taran Ihilian god marginst.

Ported now Yeah, see it's just angry.

It sounds sounds like Israeli or Yiddish or something that's another nasty sound in language that I don't want to be a part of.

And they're fucking you know. Let's see Ukraine now.

Things not They just speak Russian, don't they?

Here's do they?

I think they do? Well, maybe they speak another language. To my dad's living girlfriend is Ukrainian, and I think she speaks Russian. That's like her her primary language.

Uh.

The official language of Ukraine is Ukrainian Slavic language. Yeah, but I'm sure it's like you know, languages spoke in Ukrainian and Russian. Uh you know?

Uh?

Alright, Spanish and Italian.

Let's say things not to say to Ukrainians.

Of course, there's a fucking st you're getting bombed.

Can you hear the dog in the background?

No, I can't. Can just hear your fucking your farts and your sweat squishing around? Seems not to say it to Ukrainians.

So you are from Ukraine, so basically you are Russian.

Right, No, it's defferent hunts.

For a very long sweetheart.

You can't count the days.

Things not to say to Ukrussian things not to say to Ukrainians. Right, we don't have any more money to give you. I apologize. We can't give you any more weapons.

It isn't one hundred billion enough.

That man.

Israel really fucking put the Kaibash and a lot of people giving a shit about Ukraine, and then people realized, like, oh shit, we're supposed to hate Israel for some fucking reason.

Well I was. I was definitely like, and I'm still like, I'm I understand war has collateral damage, and I agree, like, you gotta go, you gotta defend territory. There's reasons to go to war all that stuff. But it does seem like at this point in time, Israel really is I said a couple months ago, Okay, it's like, all right, America's made the same mistakes. It looks like Israel's just gonna make them too. But now it seems more and more like striking, like goddamn, how have they not learned

They don't give a fuck. Thing That makes it different is it's contained, I would say, right, it's somewhat more contained. They know where all these people are. They want to.

Now I think I think that's a good point. But it's still like Israel. They don't care about their PR at all. You know, they seem to think that they can they do.

A little bit. Otherwise Net and Yahoo wouldn't have been here last week. Well he was speaking to Congress last week.

Isn't here saying impeachment or something when all this is over.

He was prior to this, Actually it was almost like we need a wartime guy. Now you stay in type of thing again. But there is a pr thing to it. I think if they truly did not care at all, maybe they only care ten percent. But I feel like if they truly did not give a shit at all, Gaza will be wiped out already.

Maybe yeah, I guess zero but it's like for me, it seems like more like one percent. It seems like that's the least of their concerns. They Okay, So what I'm saying is that the goal, whatever their goal is, is not a good goal. They are obviously doing whatever they're doing because if their goal was to, like you, just wipe out the bad guys and they didn't care about PR at all, it was zero percent. They could

We do, though, we do. I mean, the same sides agree with with you across the board pretty much like.

In that way, I think it may maybe it's coming more around that way. Oh yeah, the left absolutely, but I think but I think he just does too.

And it's a little ridiculous.

Well do you mean, like with criticizing Israel, No, both sides, no, blindly following one path.

Both sides tend to do that. So and and a little bit of hypocrisy mixed in there too, where it's like, yes, you know, it's the same situation. It's not the same situation, but it's a similar situation in both senses. And at one point it's okay and it's acceptable, and at the other point it's not, or we need to send support or we need to do whatever.

Yeah, it's like when when yeah, if Ukraine was asking for aid, when Vladimir Putin was like spouting off at the mouth about you know, with political rhetoric, it would have you would have I would have been like, oh, yeah, that's a bad idea. But I mean it did seem like a good idea at the time to support Ukraine when they were invaded, you.

Know, yeah, it was.

It was that whole NATO thing though, But.

Still, I mean it's just like, in spirit, I'm not saying I want to just give out money to every country who's undergoing strife. It just seems like, Okay, you have a tiny little country, you have a fucking mega superpower. It doesn't seem it just seems on the surface, it just seems like one is the underdog, right, And then with Israel, I feel like they act like the underdog and they clearly are not.

You know, now you're getting into my Twitter algorithm. Oh boy, do I see a lot of those posts, things like things like you can't be around for three thousand years and have everyone hate you and have it not be your fault. Maybe we see different algorithms. I don't know. I get what you're saying, but I think too many times we reduce it to the oppressor and the oppressed, and I think that's like your exact wrong thing on college campuses. It takes all context out of it. Why

Where?

You know, if the Jews had recaptured the camps and started beating the Nazis and torturing them while waiting for the Americans to come, it would be terrible. But a snapshot out of that would look like Jews torture Nazis, blah blah blah. You have to understand the you know, the historical context. It's all whatever we sure I mean to make sure you might know more than me. I don't know how far back.

Do you want to go, but that that's kind of a point too.

If you're in talking to Tucker, you go back about fifteen hundred years.

Right, yeah, and it's like, why, you know, who gives a fuck agin any of that shit? You know, It's like, how does that help us now? When the seas are literally boiling?

And so again, who gives a fuck about fifteen hundred years ago Russia? Who gives a fuck about four hundred years ago in North America? Again?

You know?

Yeah, No, I agree. It's like I I agree the problems of now like they make the problems of the past just like irrelevant when we think about what we have to deal with, right, But it's not going to stop culture. It's not going to stop people from talking about that stuff. But it's I don't see why. I

I think they see it as you have because.

We're not having a war in our country about reparations, is my point. That's why they're not the same.

Not yet eventually the oh, but I'm not making that. I was more comparing. I'm just making the point again. You can go back with the Jews. How many years ago is too far back? How many years ago is not too far back?

Well, I'm in things, I mean, yeah, that's kind of I mean, my whole anything.

From outside of twenty years ago, once a leader I mean has changed.

Honestly, you really shouldn't compare. I'll say this practically honestly, outside of a direct declaration of war from another nation or an invasion from another nation, you shouldn't go back at all. Like violence begets more violence. You're not going to win by just bombing people or tracking them down with Seal Team six and killing them in the night. Like it's a battle of ideas, you know, Like you're not going to win that war that way. It's just it's too late for that, you know.

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. I I just think I don't know, I might just.

Yeah, just leave the Big three.

I don't know why we I don't know why we got to put our fingers on any of this ship.

Just leave China, the US and Antarctica.

Yeah they don't. They always count Russia as one of the big ones because it's the nukes. But fuck them. Their GDP's too small, dude, I I don't know. You want to have a dick GDP around here? Okay?

Oh, I agree, I agree. You got to have Barbados GDP. All their money comes from fucking retirees who buy islands, private islands. Fucking anyway, what the hell was I gotta say? Uh shit, where were we just talking about? Oh GDP. I found out recently, probably back when Tucker did that interview with the shopping carts, that like the average Russian salary is like equivalent to us, Like what is it like thirty thousand dollars or something. It's like way below

I don't think so for a house Oh wow, sixteen Oh the average sixty percent?

Okay, So sixty three thousand is the number on the screen for USA.

Interesting, yeah, okay, and.

That's because you got a factor in the High the High States, you.

Know, fourteen thousand in the US, so one third.

One you mean in Russia? It's fourteen Russia.

Sorry, in Russia.

God damn.

Yeah.

I really did up until fairly recently, always think of Russia as a in my head at least, as probably a pretty nice place, pretty much the same as the US, just a more strict, controlling kind of government that didn't let you say bad stuff about them. But when I heard that number, like all the problems we associate with mass poverty, like inner city type problems. Like that number just made me think, Oh, Russia is just eight hundred

Yeah, I think Russia just gets a bad rap. I mean it's the average salary comparison is not fair because like every now, dude.

If you live on fourteen thousand dollars a month, you're guaranteed to be a thug in the US.

Yes, the average Norwegian salary is forty nine thousand.

Oh dude, that's respectable still still.

But it's not close to the number. Oh wait, oh no, what monthly salary? Okay, okay, okay, I got it, got it, got it? Got it makes sense?

Uh?

And then and then I don't know what do we I don't know what.

We're just comparing. Which country wouldould you want to live in? Russia? China? USA?

Or Antarctica? No? Usa, I don't want to live in Antarctica. Did you see some guy just got eate by a fucking bear?

What kind of bear?

Oh?

I like it?

Want to fucking repost it? A polar bear? What do you think?

Oh?

Wow.

In Antarctic Grizzly Yeah, Grizzly came and got them. Do they have grizzly bears there?

Uh, they're up like in Canada, I think, But they have black bears here. The black bears are out of fucking control. I saw a number the other day. Like thirty or fifty years ago, there was a few thousand black bears in this aerra, Nevada, and now there's like forty thousand. But yeah, they're They're constantly in people's dumpsters and in their houses. And I think one of them ate an old woman in her sleep a couple months ago.

Do you ever see a bear in person? Like like not not at a zoo though, like yer in the wild?

Yeah? Really in Canada?

Yeah, how close do you have a.

Well, we saw a few of them. I saw one on the side of the on the shoulder. No, I didn't get that close. I saw one on the side of the road that looks sick. My Dad's like, I think it was gonna die.

We should hit it with this rental car. Don't worry. I got the insurance.

Get that slingshot. I got you.

Bull bearings into his head. He got he's got a wrist rocket. Oh, Shane, I bought this just for this event here in case we saw a sick animal that we could hey ball bearings off of its head.

Yeah.

I think we saw uh say a prayer to a law before the stoning.

Yeah, this is an honor killing. The poor bear was raped. We got to kill it.

Now.

I want to stone a black bear, to bury it up to its head and just fire rocks at it. Yeah.

We caught this bear copulating with another male. Another member of his bear is licking another bear's dick. I'm pretty sure this one's a dude, so that's fucking gay. Yeah, stone this bear. I think religious laws animals.

They tie his legs up and dig the other one in the throw them off a building.

Yeah.

Imagine a bear landing like eight stories down.

And then just slamming into the ground.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you there.

Just they cut his head off with a fucking scimitar.

Well, they stone the cocksucking bear, and the bear cocksucky. They take him up to a building and he just kind of stands there and they dump them off like a shitty fucking wookie going over the side of the millennium falcon into splats on the ground.

Yeah, that's it. I'll tell you what. Religious folks no shortage of ideas on how to inflict mass punishment and humiliation at the same time. They get you with like they they boil you in a ball, They'll fucking twist you around into a pretzel, They'll pull your intestines out of your asshole. They just like make you look so pathetic and stupid and hurt you.

It's so funny you bring it up. My fucking algorithm has been getting crushed with torture devices lately.

Oh that's cool. Probably because it was anticipating this conversation.

Yeah, maybe, or anticipating what the people would feel listening to the first fifteen minutes of it. Uh, I'm just kidding. I liked it. It was good.

Uh.

The one I've been g getting a lot of really good thumbnails and shit for is the wheel. And I never knew what the wheel is, sometimes called the breaking wheel.

Is that where they just put you on a wheel and they spin you around real fast until you throw up.

That's the gravitron.

Actually, Okay, that's carnible.

Yeah, yeah, And this was I think in Europe that what you're talking about is mostly run by Puerto Ricans, where I am at least Yeah, likely Mexicans near you with meth head white management.

Yeah, I can't tell the difference. They all got tans, that's all I know.

Now you sound like my dad. I appreciate that. So I've been getting the wheel in my algorithm lately, and I thought it was going to be something so cool, like what is it The Brazen Bull?

Yeah, the Brazen Bull. They cook you in a hot metal ball.

Do you know the story the guy, the emperor or whatever who commissioned it to be built, right, uh huh the guy and the guy was like, this is the best torture advice that you're gonna fucking love this emperor. And the emperor is like, oh, how does that shit work? He goes, well, you put the guy inside. And the emperor goes, okay, you go inside. And he goes, oh no, no, no, no, like you would put the person you would torture inside. He goes, yeah, I want to make sure it works.

Yeah, I'll tell you what. That torture maker was an idiot, like, yeah, he never saw shark tank. It's like, why didn't you bring a torture subject with you? Like he thought the king was just going to call in one of his peasants to cook for this humble inventor get the fuck out of here. You should have brought one of your kids to cook in front of the emperor. Idiot. The fuck's wrong with you?

Let them know this is your sacrifice for harvest this year.

Yeah, this is my and this is my tribute to you, the best Emperor of the istanbul Carthage fucking Union packed Tribune of eighteen two. So I used to call the year one eighty two. They called it eighteen to two because they didn't know how to count above one hundred.

I uh, so I'm watching this video, I go, I go ooh, the breaking wheel. That sounds interesting. What do they do? Do they twist you up? Do they stretch you over it? Like?

I always thought it was like a stretching, because I honestly don't know either. I always thought it was a stretching thing.

Yeah all right, let me see, I got a video.

This is one of the worst methods of torture in human history. And by the way, that's the other problem.

My algorithm is flooded right now, AI flooded AI. Indian dudes. You can tell they're Indian, like in like an Indian guide talks. They are informative. But what they're doing now is taking footage. Like I saw a video earlier of a dog that ripped up paper and the parent of the owner was pissed, right, She's like, oh, you're so bad dog. Oh no. But they cut it in a way where it's like the owner came home to find

I was just like I'm not watching this. You're making up some face fucking weird narrative. The video is like edited from a prompt probably yeah.

Oh wo yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

I haven't caught those ones yet, but I've definitely seen this channel where it's like the torture method known as the brazen ball. You know, yeah, I like this guy though. He gets me all the facts.

He's not real, he doesn't exist.

He's good enough.

Okay, this is one of the worst methods of torture in human history. Have you ever heard of the breaking wheel? Friend Bob is going to test this method today. Let's find out how this instrument of pain and death work. The breaking wheel or the Catherine wheel, was used in medieval and Renaissance Europe. The victim was tied to a large wooden wheel. Here's how it worked. The executioner used an iron bar or a hammer to break the victim's bones,

I don't think rape. Should try rape to death.

That's got to be torture. I know, yeah, that's that's the torture. The punishment for getting raped, I think, is they rape you right?

Yeah? I think so high for an eye or something. I don't remember. Uh. It upset me so much because I thought The Breaking Wheel was going to be so cool. It's got a cool name. It sounds like an early two thousands alt rock band, the Breaking Wheel.

It kind of does, right, or an album by the Cure.

We tie you to a wheel and then just hit your bones with hammers until they break and leave that are.

That is like when they say get meat. Evil on your ass though, that is like, that is fucking medieval on your ass.

I watched one Videos and Bones where they were like, if you got lucky, they would spin the wheel and try and hit your stuff in they would catch you in the head and kill your early. Yeah, if you got.

Lucky, that is a lucky stroke. I'll tell you what. Though, The Brazen Bull is really bad, but nothing is as bad as the one where they just take I think the Vlady and Paler story where they just take the pike and they stick it in the ground and then they stick you on.

Or something.

Yeah, and they just let you slide down this dildo made of wood until it comes out your mouth.

Yeah, the Jesus crazy.

Jam Jesus, that's an ugly picture. I sure don't like it.

Hey, Jesus, we came up with this torture device, but it kind of makes them into like the ultimate fag because they take something so deep that it rips through them. What should we call it the Judas cradle? Any reason? We came up with that trees and is cunt.

You know who?

Jen didn't know. I threw a name out of Jen and she had no idea it was a real person. Nicholas No Benedict Arnold.

Oh yeah, dude, that guy fucked America.

She thought it was just a phrase.

You know, I think my wife thought the same thing. I used to think the education system of Nevada failed her. But maybe girls are just stupid.

Huh hundred girls are just stupid one hundred percent. And that's no slight to your wife individually, just her fucking vagina, okay, and her xx chromosomes.

Yeah xx yeah, yeah, I remember having the same conversation with it.

I'm sure if your wife was born a dude, she'd be so smart.

Yeah, and she'd probably be able to dance really good too. Well, she can dance really good. The Asian guys are coming up in the dance world. Now. I don't know if you knew that, but uh.

I have known that for a while. Actually I've seen episodes a while and now. But continue telling me about your wife, but I'm gonna pull up a video you mentioned dumb women and dancing. Continue it.

Just the exact same conversation where it's like, oh, I just thought it was a phrase, and it's like, why would you think that was a phrase that meant someone was a backstabbing liar? Like why would that mean that if it wasn't named for someone or something? It's Benedict Arnold. Sure sounds like a name to me. It's even got the same thing with Lebron James and his two buddies where it's two first names, you.

Know, Lebron James and Benedict Arnold hanging out the first name crew.

Yeah, yeah, he started it. But it just like it bugs me that they would because I think I even reminisced, like you've used that phrase a yeah, yeah, so it's like you never thought, like where does that come from? Stupid moron.

I had this lady. She probably made She left my company, but she probably made one hundred and forty one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year.

Oh shit, that's a lot.

Three times a meeting, for hour long meetings. She would try and shoehorn this in every single I mean, it was like a point of pride that she was using this expression, like times when you really don't need it, She'll be like, well that's a mute point. Oh no, every time, a single fucking time, And she would do it like three times a meeting. Oh that's a mute point at this point. So, uh you just like I wanted to correct her, Yeah, I know, how can you.

How can I do that?

I do that on a corporate call.

Oh maybe not a call, that's what I mean.

It was with clients.

If it was a face to face meeting, even with clients, it would drive me crazy. Yeah, I would look them in the eye and be like, hey, you're saying that wrong. You look stupid.

You know that's not actually the way you say it. You say it like dumb little kids would say it if they heard it on a movie.

Yeah, like the first time you heard it and you thought, oh, I think they said it wrong and you started saying it right. No, no, no, no, they were right, and you've been wrong this whole time.

You continue to say it wrong forever.

Nobody wanted to correct you because you make about six times more than I do. Yeah, I'm going to go back to the melroom.

She left to go work for that sponsor.

By the way, Oh okay, well yeah, that's that's probably If you ever heard what is it called, it's like the Peter principle where people will get promoted to the point of incompetence. Have you heard of this before? No?

No, but that's actually really cool. I've never heard that. It's this idea as embarrassing.

But yeah, I think it's even supported by some data where it's like people will do really good at a job and so they'll get promoted, and that will keep happening until they get into a job that they are not cut out for or they're not qualified for, and then they will remain in that position forever because, yeah, because they can't go any higher, and because nobody can really get rid of them at that point.

I think, in my industry, I may be there, and unfortunately I don't make anywhere near enough money to live.

Oh shit. Well yeah, the whole point of the Peter principle is that it applies usually to management.

But good man, how much of a loser do it have to be to be unpromoted and still hitting? You know how to.

Hit the asshole? Yeah, just a born piece of ship, I think.

Uh, but your own fries, and I need you to know this. You will never be at the burger station hit your Peter principle.

Hey man, you're you're shoveling shit and you're never gonna make it over to the fucking fertilizer station where you get to mulch the shit.

I would never allow you in the barn with the feed. And it's not because you have shit on your hands and jeans, it's because you've hit your peak.

Okay, hey man, you wipe the calm down after the guy's jack off in the boot, you're never gonna be at the counter selling the porno DVDs.

You know the retarded guy I worked with at AMC. Ryan, his name was He He was the guy who used to pick up half eaten hot dogs. If you had been to that AMC and you had eaten half of a hot dog and determined something doesn't taste right about this, or I'm really not that hungry, or this is pig ass holes in an intestine casing, you might be like, as, oh, put this on the floor. Well, what Ryan would do is he would come around, he would pick up your soda. He would probably take a sip of it.

Oh worse than eating a hot dog, like no hot.

Dog that had been on the floor, condiments soaking in it for probably an hour and a half, two hours.

All right, you didn't tell me, Okay, So like normally when I see the hot dogs at the theater, they're dry. So I was thinking it was like a dog the way I do too, I do to. Actually, I was thinking a dry hot dog half eaten in a box. I might even take a bite of that, Like, but yet drinking another drink is fucking foul because I see coworkers all the time. Dude, It's not just little kids

Did you ever pick up any of your kids like snotty cheerios when he was in that phase and eat them?

Or no?

No, God, dude, I didn't even like touching my kid's hand when he was here like in that era.

You know, how about cleaning shit? I have a real issue with Jen and I talking about having kids, just that I feel like I won't do it.

Well, well, here's the thing. You use a bidet, right, so you already know the key. I'll give you a little This is my best parenting advice because it has nothing to do with how to treat your children. Right, this is all This is all mechanics here, right, this is science, dude. Kids shit in their diapers, and then the standard practice is you take a wet wipe with a little bit of like baby soap in it, you know, and water, and you wipe them down and then you put a fresh diaper on and hold.

On, I'm writing this down. Get the shit off.

Yeah, well no, this is this is standard practice. This is not what you want to do. I'm going to give you the real goods. I'm just filling you in on.

I read online that adult saliva clears up baby rash, but that was on the Lost Profits some reddit.

I mean it was pretty close, okay, pretty close to what we did. We we we started by just like spitting on them, but then we're like, dude, let's let's use the sink.

Right, more water pressure, there's more water in there. The concept was never spit is we got to get water on him. Yeah you go, I got water in my mouth, and goes yeah, I got it too.

We got water all the time. We're made of it. So eventually we figured it out, like, uh oh, the hydrant's not working, the hose is. It's a pain to go outside. We used to sink every time he would ship. After maybe the age of three months, four months, maybe we would take the diaper off, throw it away if it was like really fucking crazy and messy. We might use a few wifes later.

Okay, yeah, just just to scoop up the freeze it for his one year birthday, right.

Thing.

Yeah, this is his ship.

This is for your wife tonight on your wedding night, son, pipeline ship.

Till though, you know, he realized, she realizes your it has a very odd concept of what sex is.

And uh yeah, she's been saving herself and now she's don't worry, wishing she hadn't I brought my first frozen.

Shitty diaper and she just goes, oh no, this is a Tails from the crypt episode.

Okay, good, Uh yeah, that's my dream for him. But uh, yeah, so you wash his asshole in the sink with a little baby soap and water, and yeah you So, if your problem is that you're gonna be squeamish about handling shit, then maybe you're gonna be a bad parent. But if you can get up in there and get your hand dirty a little bit, you don't mind having the shit on your hand, wiping them down in the sink, cleaning them real good, and then drying them off with a towel,

All right, she's not even pregnant yet. I just, I just I've been debating it with her for ten years, Like, I'm not going to clean up shit. She's like, you're gonna have to. I was like, I will do literally anything else if you can just clean the ship, especially if it's a girl. Oh, we're not pregnant, we're not even I just need I wouldn't do.

It for a girl. Yeah, I would go for a girl.

That's she's got the same parts as you. You clean it?

Uh, what do you want me to molest my own kid? Sick?

Oh, speaking of dumb girls. We're probably gonna get hit with an ad. Do I want to help?

No? I don't some ads?

All right, let me Uh, let's play this news report.

Where it's like, don't jerk off alone?

I saw. Oh I didn't show you the one I saw. Take a look at this. I was on X Videos uploading, by the way to the audience. Uh the new A new episode of Going Deeper came out today. Violent Myers was my guest. Very big deal.

Yeah, she's cool. I like her Bush.

Look what I saw the other day on the sidebar on X Videos. So Nancy Pelosi jerking a big dick off and it says fuck me for free, meet at my house, which seems like an FBI trap, trying to find more guys to come. Yeah, no bullshit, no sign up? Okay, good? Only fuck is the link?

Just say you know, all right, I'll go to only fuck Nancy Pelosi. Dot gup.

Uh.

Australian news report here from the Olympics. We didn't talk much about them, but apparently I think we tied with China. But China did something fucking hilarious.

What's that they fucking if?

I saved it? I did they?

I can jumped off the top of the Olympic Dome and landed in the suicide nets.

No, China counted, China, can't it was good it was in France, then have as many suicides there. China counted their gold medals as one solid gold medal and then ours divided up between the Africans descend it from the slave trade shoes in Anglo Saxons.

Oh my god, holy shit, So China.

Yet China's at forty four gold medals.

Wow, that's really racist.

Huh.

Africa via American slave trade is at twenty eight gold medals, and whites and Jews are at eleven.

What about Africans just from Africa? Like, what about the what about the native Africans they went? Don't they win a shitload of medals too, like Ethiopia and stuff.

No, I don't think so.

They're not good runners. I thought they were. They chased Gazel's God damn it.

Jamaica I think is good at the short speed.

Oh yeah, they're definitely slave descended.

Anyway, they did have an event, So I didn't know that. The man I don't like, he is a white father. You know that.

That doesn't bother me. I really like the music, dude, I learned a lot about especially I don't like them no jaw jaw and rostam on and also vibrations.

I don't care anything about his culture. I was just pointing out about hating the white man. He had a white father. Also, also, I hate fucking rost to music.

It's I enjoy it.

It all sounds the same to me.

It doesn't bother me. I did it all a lot of music all sounds the same. Sometimes you just want shit that all sounds the same.

Everything else kind of sounds similar.

I yeah, dude, I saw Chavelle in concert six months ago.

Oh was it that long ago?

I think so something like that. And I took a lot of videos, more than I would at a show for a band I love, you know. I took like nine videos of songs because they have a lot of hits,

Yeah, news report from Australia and.

Look, I'm as ready to applaud someone having a go as the next person. But that doesn't mean that every child must win a prize. I'm an all credit to our magnificent Olympian team. It's bringing back a record swag of metals.

So the headline is ray Gun ruins fantastic assy effort.

Who's ray Gun? Is that Chris Raygun the YouTube guy?

I don't know, No, I don't I don't know. It's not ray Gunn the pornographer.

I don't think it's ray Gun. He's a pride of New Zealand.

A dad performance is a dad performance. There's no point pretending otherwise. I mean. Break dancing was one of those new sports introduced to us at Paris at Best.

So so I did not know this. The sponsor city actually gets to pick an event that they include in their game.

Okay, so they chose break dancing, they did. Yeah, this was the one that they chose.

I think the US has picked baseball and the flag football type thing they're going to be doing whatever.

That is, So is the point to kind of like pick something that your country is really good at, so that way you can kind of show off your best, you know, because it's like if like if Zimbabwe hosted and they picked gazelle chasing, right.

Right, right, Yeah, I'm going to chase mechanical gazelle, gorill gorilla fighting, you know, gorilla warfare.

That's our event.

I don't know. Maybe they have to pick like from a list of somewhat possibilities. There's no way France picked break dancing, right.

I think maybe they did because they are trying to be hip.

Maybe I do fucking behind forty years.

Well, they're trying to bring it back, you know, Yeah.

They're trying to bring it back. All right, let's see some more of this report.

Or maybe France just has a big break dancing scene. I don't I don't know. I mean they have. They have a lot of shit in a lot of countries that you wouldn't think is like a thing. And then it is like it blows my mind that so many Asian countries have like internet cafes. So internet cafes are just a thing in Asia, so it's not like a local thing where it's like you have impoverished people or

Good call. Well, but then it would be more of like, well, I guess it would be kind of like an eating competition, right, And.

Yeah, it would be more of a marathon than a sprint. You wouldn't want to just shovel fifty hot dogs into your head as fast as you could. You'd really want to be spacing it out because shit and piss brakes are allowed. You're going to be eating and playing games, the whole fucking games, the whole Olympic games. You're going We need to make sure though, that you're not leaving there, so you're stuck in the chair.

Yeah, you'll have to shit into the chair and you'll be a whole cathetered or tubed.

You know, there's a hole in the chair and there's a camera at the bottom to make sure you're not cheating.

The NBC log Cam.

Log Cam provided by Nike.

Let's just news report.

It's a cross between dancing and gymnastics.

She explaining what breakdancing is. Bit you are forty years behind.

Yeah, I think everybody on the fucking planet. I think even I think the guys throwing people off of rooftops for being gay already know what breakdancing. They're probably breakdancing champs who have thrown people off of rooftops are being gay.

I have referenced break into electric Bugaloo throughout my entire life, and I've never seen breaking one.

Okay, dude, you want to know it's funny. I've seen breaking one all the way through, and I just now, for the first time, like a week ago, saw breaking two Electric Boogaloo far superior. Think so yeah, oh yeah, they really out did that, out did themselves with that one.

I mean, what you can say there is some brilliant paper at a recent red bull competitions are supposed.

To look like, damn, it's okay. That looked really difficult. All the strength and agility and coordination.

Oh yeah, nothing about it's easy. You could say it's an Olympic sport. I don't know what makes it any different than uh, figure skating, right.

Well, I mean it's the difference is that this is like not on ice. But yeah, but yeah, so this is kind of like gymnastics, except the attire is different. There's like, you know, like the Simone Biles where they do the acrobatic stuff, and also it's choreographed.

The music graft was gonna be what I was gonna say, Yeah, that's what.

It's very similar, except this looks hip.

Yeah, but I was thinking, I don't think figure skating was a bad reference. The ones that do like the singles and.

No, I think you're right, and the fact that it's it's different enough from figure skating I think would mean that it's.

Oh, you're right, though, it is more like gymnastics, but.

I would say it is it makes it valid as a sport. I don't know if I want to see this every year at the Olympics, but it's cool that France picked it. I think, yeah, it's different, Yeah, it's unique, it's hip.

So then, as they always do, Australia came in and ruined everything.

Oh god, what do they do? Release fucking snakes?

Snakes? Fitch opens up a fucking trench coat.

All right, I mean, knock the spiders out.

Told you I saw a thing that Australia has eight of the top ten most deadly snakes, nine of the top ten most deadly scorpions, and ten No, nine of the top ten most deadly spiders and ten of the top ten most deadly scorpions of Australia.

That's a lot of the numbers in the tops list are in Australia. Are what are they juicing those fucking animals over there? How they win in all these lists or something.

We may get our dicks kicked in at the Olympic breakdancing, but when it comes to deadly animals, we're leading the pack. It's just, hey, what could we do with the Australian outback? It's pretty big, right, Could we do solar fields? Or does it get too hot?

I don't know, Probably going to be too hot. I don't know, though, I think the problem is probably more that you don't want to displace all those nice indigenous folks cannibalize each other out there.

Oh the folks. I thought you were gonna say, the animals. I was gonna say, did you ever see fern Gully?

No, what's that?

Really? You've never seen fern Gully?

Was that a movie?

Yeah? It was one of those animated movies when we were kids, but it was one of those not shitty animated, but not Disney animated.

Oh so it was like the had like bit rate issues before we knew what that was.

Uh no, no, it got real dark. Oh so in it it was basically like all these fairies and nut gay guys, like fairies and bats and stuff. I think Robin Williams did a voice. They fucking were trying to save their forest because it was marked to be cut down. And the thing that was doing it was just this big whatever it's called, uh like a combine they call it.

I guess, Oh yeah, form that chops up all the grain or whatever.

Yeah, And I mean you could see the preview video here. I don't want to play it, but it's like it's darker than a Disney movie, you know, they were good. Actually it was like lamb coco. No, I didn't say I haven't seen I don't even think I've seen up all the way through.

Ah up is so fucking good.

Yeah, I think we talked about it like a month ago. I like when his wife dies, though.

I do too.

That's the best part, wouldn't be didn't open with like a montage of their life basically up through what if? Right after the funeral he's sitting on the couch and then the next shot is him sitting on the other side of the couch and on the other side is an Asian prostitute.

That's what I was thinking, Yeah, like what if he's just And then the next shot is him like buried in her His face is buried in her fur burger yet yeah.

And then the next shot is her body off camera with her feet on camera, laying flat on its back on the ground, with him going like that, oh no, no, no no.

The next shot is him digging a hole in the crawl space as her fucking body starts to turn gray.

Then the doorbell rings, ring, ring, and it's that little fat Asian kid at the front and going, does anyone know where my mom is?

Mister.

Yeah, my mom said she was going to be in this neighborhood working tonight and like she's a door prostitute.

Yeah, that's a good Yeah, we could do that. You know how they wait until the rights expire and then they do severnsions of years. Yes, we could do that. Yeah, we could just write it down.

We're about sixty eight years away from doing a really graphic version, a really graphic mashup of up with very bad things, that Christian Slater movie.

Right, yeah, Christian lator Daniel Stern, little irreversible thrown in for good measure.

Let's finish this news report.

Red Bull competition, that's what it's supposed to look like. Unfortunately, our competitor, Rachel Gan, a thirty six year old university lecturer who wrote her thesis on gender in Sydney's breakdancing scene. She got precisely zero points.

Okay, by the way, she's not fuckable, but she's fusible right in this picture.

Yeah, if she wasn't just this picture. Okay, look, I agree, but I hate the face she's making and the poe. I hate everything about this picture, but I agree. Okay, it's in three.

Rounds of competition. But anyone who says that she's a pretty ordinary performer. All those criticisms have been called out as misogyny.

Okay, she looks like a kangaroo.

By the way, is this a news report on it? I wanted to. I wanted to see a little news, but I wanted to see this bitch dancing.

You know what, It's been real hard to get footage. I noticed they keep pretty in. Yeah, yeah, they're they're embarrassed about because they picked the event. You know.

Let's see. Oh man, she is really yeah, let's see. Is this it? Yeah?

Okay, well there she is. Oh that's okay, that's the guy. I'm recording it on his TV. But play.

Yeah, she's from Oh my god, she's definitely, dude, I'll.

Suck a lot of from big girls. I really don't care about that at all. Like sometimes I'm actually really down for a frunty like figure and hers ain't bad. But she looks like a fucking I haven't seen any video. I've only seen Still you didn't let it play?

Okay, all right, right, oh yeah, should I mute it?

Okay? Just play? Oh my god? Oh oh jesus, what the fuck? Oh oh man, she's like dressed. I don't really have a lot of words for this. This is just really bad. It's okay, man, she wrote a she wrote a thesis. She's got a PhD and wrote a thesis about gender in the breakdancing scene.

I don't know that it was in the breakdancing it was.

I checked, Yeah, it was, yeah, And I'm just it's almost like she's never seen people breakdance every they really.

Yeah, I could. I think I could fake breakdancing better.

I think I could fake that. Yes, I could poorly fake it. This is just an embarrassment. I like, I really don't know what to describe it. It looks like she's trying to mock breakdancing. It's really what it looks like.

It would be like if I showed up for the one hundred meter in blackface.

Right yea, yeah, yeah. It'd be like if you showed up to h impregnate a cow with your horse and you had just a big floppy eighteen and fucking rubber dick strapped onto yourself. Hey, I'm here to impregnate your cow.

Nay, okay, that's a coolness, yo.

Big props, big fucking vibes or support or whatever to the opponent for staying.

And I never want I kept wait. I watched for all the two shots of them when the dancer would go and they would go, and I was like, is he laughing? Is it? At one point? At one point that thing was facing a guy or something, and uh, I just was like, are they laughing? Are they laughing every time? Stone faced?

Like like or just dancing?

Yeah?

Yeah, oh my god? Yeah, Like I I don't know how they because were they expected I wouldn't Were they expecting it? How did you get to the fine in the Olympics? So the fuck?

That's the best part, right, I one hundred believe and I've heard other people make this, so it's not some grand thing. I think she just wanted a trip to the Olympics, and I think she goes what sport? Does no one like even attempting to qualify for go out for breakdancing? Okay, that's what I am. I'm a breakdancing expert.

How many people live in Australia.

That's a good question. But let me point this out to you too. Her suit that she's wearing is not actually a breakdancing suit in the way that Now, look, I'm not being like you know up at about this, but I think she's wearing a.

A rugby.

Like it's the overwear they wear for rugby. Someone gave her that apparently, So that just adds more legitimacy to not being a real team necessarily astra pop. I know I spelled it wrong. Twenty six mil.

Out of twenty six twenty six million people. Not one other person who knows about break dancing. Knew there was an Olympic team and thought I could try out.

Not one, not one.

They don't have one black dude there who would be like, I'll do this, and they're one black guy was busy winning all the sports.

I think all of our ping pong team people are Asians.

Hey man, they're good at it. They got that hand eye coordination. Why do you think they love internet cafes so much?

I saw a bunch of conservatives in my Twitter feed going, well, the wins will win. You know, I'll take it.

That's true, man, when I mean gotta take what you get.

They were given my favorite basketball player some shit, Joel Embiid, because he's from Cameroon. He had a frost African citizenship right, but he came to the US to play NBA basketball and oh well, best of the best. He played for USA and France. They booed him like every time out. It was like, yo, anywhere he should be playing for camera. He's seven foot two in black. He's not French.

Yeah, I mean, well he is, but that's just because France fucking colonized Cameroon and then give it back, you know, like seventy five years ago or something.

So how much bigger is Australia physically than the US?

I want to say it's pretty close in size, right, let's see USA compared to Australia size. Dude, why don't you just consolidate it. It's concise, goddamn, And you're asking the computer a question like it's a person. It's not. It just makes you think it is. So the USA is a little bit.

More in terms of total area, but Australia is larger in terms of land. Oh okay, so fuck does that mean?

So we have much more rivers and streams. So if you go from border to border, and you like, if you drop one country on top of the other, the USA has about thirty percent more area. But because of all of our bodies of water and probably like valleys, and shit like that that or maybe even like what is it development like or no, I don't think that would count. That would still be land area. Yeah, probably

Though. Look, the United States has a total land area of nine point eight million square kilometers, right, nine point eight million square kilometers, which includes nine point one million square kilometers of land, and Australia has eight point five. Okay, so America is still larger even if you take the bodies of water out, but not by much.

Well then why does it say?

I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. The United States is larger than Australia in terms of total area, but Australia is larger in terms of land area. But this says we have nine point one million of land, and it differentiates between land and water, and this says they have eight point five million of land. Google's fucked. Oh that makes it go.

We have a total of nine point eight which includes okay, so nine point one. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe the fucking AI is just stupid. Google used to get all my questions right when I used to Google a question a year ago. It would give you a bunch of web pages and then at the top there would be like an extract from one of the most popular search

My point was just that Australia, say they're about the same size.

Let's say the same size, same size, you got twenty six million people.

Yeah, they got one thirteenth the amount we have. I don't think there's a population problem. I think there's a lack of combines to start wiping out some of the bush out there.

There's no population problem. I've been saying that.

Oh no, I mean I don't think we're overpopulated.

I don't think we're over or under Yeah, we've solved hunger, and we have all the means and technology, all the capabilities to feed and plant people all over the world. I think I've even made this point before. You could take every human alive right now on the planet, and you could fit them all easy inside the Grand Canyon, everybody not standing shoulder shoulder, but piled on top of each other. But the point is we're not taking up

The mew of Australia. I don't know that that's what is that?

It's the angle it's at, so it's in the southern hemisphere.

Well, let me say this when oh, okay, you answered, I'm just kidding. Answer ship. When the waters rise.

During you mean during the what is it the the revelation thing?

What is that?

When they come back?

What's genesis? Genesis is the beginning? Right, Revelation is the end? Yeah?

What is that when they come back? Though? The word for it judgment day. No, but there's a word for it. It's like there's going to be a war between between Jesus and the Antichrist the last seven years and then all the sinners will fight on Satan's side, and then Jesus and his angels will will destroy them, and and that's like, what is it fucking called?

I think it's the Book of Revelation.

Is it the Book of Revelation speaks of this event? Oh my god, I don't know. I think it might be armageddon. I think that is the word.

Answer my question. Is Australia going to be one of the first to go or one of the last?

You mean when when the world ends, when the waters rise? Oh dude, they're gonna be fucking mad max world.

Yeah, that doesn't answer my question at all.

So there'll be one of the Do you have any idea like you could you could melt all the polarized caps and all the perma frost and well there was still be plenty of land, you know, it would just that the borders would be completely fucked, just like you would lose hundreds of miles of space that people live in. So like just how I'm saying humans don't take up a lot of space. Most of the space that humans live in are within like yeah, within like one hundred

Ah fuck anyway, but it's cool.

You know it's cool. Hawaii is going to sink in like a hundred million years, just in a single event. It's just slowly being eroded by the water over time.

What in one hundred million years, I'm not gonna be able to see it again.

Dude, Yeah, I know. What are you going to do in one hundred and one million years?

I'm sorry? Raygun started playing at me again.

So what are they going to do to her? What is her punishment for this?

The wheel? Yeah, yeah, they do, they do. Raygun's going to have her bones broken. It's buddy, be tied to the.

Wheel gives new meanings of the breaking wheel.

What oh your your worst friend dot com? It took me a second, but I got it. I apologize. That was a very good one. That was a very very good one.

See what having kids get you?

Uh, go to your Worst friend dot com? Follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at worst friend cast Patreon dot com says worst Friend And if you've gotten this far, even if you don't listen to going deeper, do me a favor. Go on my fucking go on my latest episode to Violet Myers and like like it and comments be like I like watching this man or something like that. I don't know, something cool.

Make it sound not like an AI.

Make it sound like an AI. Actually, in fact, identify yourself as hello, I am AI.

Fuck. Maybe that's gonna be the only way to distinguish yourself as real is to impersonate a computer.

You know.

Maybe what I'm gonna do. Sorry, I was thinking about something relevant. What I'm gonna do is so one of the things I introduced on Going Deeper this year is there's only three of them through all the episodes because I feel like editing a whole bunch more. Since Shane is no longer ongoing Deeper, I did have to bring him back in some sense. AI Shane will be on to ask some of our favorite questions, uh two poorn staples,

Yeah, it's some other Shane. Yeah, some faggot Shane. Ooops.

Uh, so you're gonna hear that after we sign off.

I say that in the most endearing way, folks, like, if you're a gay guy, I will suck your dick to apologize.

See, and we've gotten to the point where it's it's too much now. But I really think this is virtue signaling here. I think, really, guys, I think you're so fucking cool.

I I really do now. I just finished the newest RuPaul's Drag Race season.

I watch every Root Poul I got them on DVD and blue right now. I don't want those work. The All Stars I save for like one next time I'm on vacation.

Well sometimes I yeah, I do watch All Stars on vacation. You're right, but I will never watch untucked again.

Oh what is untucked?

It's where they they sit around in the lounge after you get their hogs out. Yeah, they just untuck and they talk a little bit.

All these beautiful broads quote unquote sitting there like al Bundy with their fucking hand on a dick just running down their pants.

Now they're sitting like girls. They just let it flop out the bottom of the skirt.

You know, all right, we're gonna wrap this one up for yours friend. I'm Matt.

I really did watch all the Root Pauls, and I'll still puck your dick.

Guys, thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. You know all all crud, You're really gonna miss your gout when the show's over.