Ep. 223 Slur SZN

Let me finish. This is the first time I committed a hate crime.

Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it, you know, like something like that.

Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate Bath. You are rested my ship? Were there any trash ship? You're a worst friend?

Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?

Just look at the fucking bums you hang around with. You're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today by my friend and co host, a man who welcomes this month every year because it allows him to be his true self.

Shane, Dude, I welcome every month every year because that's how time works.

Go ahead, tell me how does time work?

It goes in one direction, at the same speed all the time.

You can go to your Worst Friend dot com check out everything we do, follow us on Twitter and Instagram at worst Friendcast. Most importantly, go to patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast. Cost a dollar a month, get a bonus episode every week, and everything ever recorded entirely commercial free. I got a video for you. This is how we will be welcoming Pride month from now on. I'm gonna suck each other's We're gonna suck each other's balls through cyber phones, through the metapod. Did you ever

Yeah, dude, on the internet with girls who were probably guys.

Hell yeah, No, like with people you knew? Oh ah uh yeah in high school? Yeah, I didn't in high school. I did in middle school with other middle schoolers, but by high school I was like, if I'm not like touching a pussy, I don't, I'm not in.

In middle school it was with strangers on the internet, like aol tat rooms, right, yeah, uh huh yeah yeah, And then in high school it was girls from our school, usually a grade below us or maybe two. Oho. I would like, you know, message and be like, hey, what are you doing up so late?

Where do you live?

I could walk there?

Man?

You really? You were really a fucking hound with that. Huh, Hey, what are you doing up so late? Want me to walk to your house?

Dude? It worked like one out of every eight times.

Hey, one out of every two hundred times. It's a great win on that front.

You know, two hundred people.

Yeah, yeah, sure, this is how we're gonna welcome Pride Month to our fellow gay people, not fellow to our too gay, too gay.

To the gay to the gay. So the race of the gay. You're not sharing your screen?

Oh you gotta tell me that earlier.

How would I know that you're supposed to be.

Because I go silent, and you know I don't do that on the show. I don't just freeze up and not talk like I have some form of advanced audience.

We're only silent for a second, and then I told you, like, you're not sharing your screen.

That's folks. Second, don't worry. We're gonna cut all this out like in.

The olden days.

We're not. We're gonna leave all of this in like in the olden days. That was just before we fucked up all the time. All right, am I sharing my screen?

Yeah?

Okay, So what the fuck?

What is this show? I'm not in the hardcore show, so okay. So I mean just everyone is just punching each other in the head.

I'm not a huge fan of the hardcore like pit style. So when you go to see, uh, this is kind of why I've been putting off seeing Code Orange because while they might be like an industrial alternative band now they came up as a punk band, a hardcore punk band like this, and their singer will like bash his head against the ground and bleed all over the place. Like it's just like such an intense style of music,

Always always one or two hardcore kids who show up with a sleeveless, fucking leather jacket with fucking stud spikes all stamped in it and a two foot mohawk.

And it's like, ah, Jesus Christ, you know, like someone fucking get this guy. It's like it's like when you're getting on the plane, you know, like all right, you see this one guy. He's got a fucking turban wrapped around his head. He's got a big bulky spot sticking out under his cloth.

He's ticking body cloth.

He's got a tick. It's like, all right, just get this guy out of here. You know, I'll let this guy on because inevitably, dude, like as soon as starts playing, or as soon as the metal band starts playing, this fucking guy will do a roundhouse kick into the smallest girl there.

And it's like, come on, you know, I have never been in an actual pit once, never in my life. I went to one punk show or whatever the fuck it was, back in like eighth grade into freshman year, somewhere around there at the community college near us, you know what I mean. Yeah, And I sat on a table that I didn't see the sign that said table broken. And I was already very self conscious about my weight.

They didn't laugh, did they.

They may have laughed, actually, I think they were too busy fucking picking at their leg scars where they were cutting themselves earlier that day.

Hey, yeah, a punk girls and goth girls who are listening, Uh, go ahead and tell us how you feel about those those beauty marks. She gave yourself. Now that it's you know, twenty five years later, how do they look now? How do you? How do you like them? Do you still want to show them off in your English class?

What do I call them? Sad bad sad marks?

Yeah?

Yeah, this Brud's got sad marks all over her. Oh man. The worst ones are when you see them on a chick's stomach.

That's bad. Or I think the thighs is bad. I think legs and ass are the are the best part of a girl's body. So seeing like a rack of them down a thigh.

Is like no, no, no, Aesthetically I get that, no, But what do you think like stings the most? I would think something core related every time you move and think about it. If it's a razor blade, so it's one of those real like thin cuts, and they always like flap. Oh I'll tell you they do, because I have one on my hand right now. They flap open and closed and it's like you have, you know, sixty fucking tiny pussies all over your ribs.

Maybe, but I think that depends on how tight the skin is there. If you got like washboard abs, then I think yes. But if you got a little bit of flab even I think you'll be all right.

That's fair. And also, to also be fair, a lot of these chicks probably don't have washboard abs. Otherwise they'd have or fucking friends.

Yeah, they wouldn't need to fucking cut themselves if they had washboard abs. They're cutting themselves to try and make themselves magically have them. I think they had always assumed.

They had washboard abs when they were younger. That caught their uncle's attention. Then they ate to compensate, and then when that didn't work anymore, sl slit, slit slit. Ooh, I'm sad, you know.

Yeah, there's this chick I follow on Twitter. I can't remember her fucking goddamn name, but she's got like a curly hair and she's Mexican. And every time I see her, uh like on the feet and I'm like, oh, yeah, cute face. Why don't I look.

At her pictures more often?

Then you scroll down and you see just like these fucking weltz. Dude, it looks like it looks like a botfly exploded out of her leg a hundred times.

Looks like she put her leg through a wood chipper and pulled it back out right. Yeah, fucking yeah.

It looks like she cheese grated herself.

Yeah. Yeah, like she had a bunch of tattoos for a motorcycle gangs that she wasn't allowed to have anymore. Yeah.

Yeah, you want to join us, you gotta get rid of those marks.

Yeah. She kept changing up affiliation and had to keep grinding them off. Every time She's like, can't I just put it on the other leg, They're like, no, no, no, sweetheart, that one left leg only. I got a fun video for you. Here, are you about something? Or smoke something? I wouldn't need anything, okay, all right, Oh.

This looks like a train filled with corn.

I will tell you that I showed this to Jen after she regained consciousness when she gave blood the other day, and then after I play this, it'll lead into that story. But her reaction to this was to move towards the garbage can to try and vomit what we have. Harr yep, Shane said it right. It's a you know when the drain when whatever you were cooking and all the gross shit or whatever was on your plates gets stuck in the drain. At the end, you have that pile of

Okay. So the guy he picks up the not even the top layer, picks up the bottom layer of the stuff where it's peas and carrots that I couldn't even see before, or so much corn on top, and then he got the biggest spoonful.

He ate it?

Cool?

I love that. Okay, stop.

Fucking cracker right, Well, did you never you never see a fucking brother doing that shit?

Though you may have a point with my next video, let me play this video then I'll tell you the story about Jen going unconscious. Okay, okay, okay, because this guy makes a point and maybe add some validity to your fucking your white people thing, like white people got problems, White people be schizos, White people invented air conditioning, you know shit like that.

I do white people make they edible so strong? What are you running from? Why am I tasting colors? I just wanted to go to Target. Now I gotta call somebody to come get me because my car is turned into a spaceship and I don't know how to fly it.

Not an answer that's cute. I'm so high I do white people.

I remember the first time I got high.

Yeah, I think I've talked about it recently, haven't I At that concert I went to.

No, I, I wasn't gonna tell a fucking an exciting story. I was just saying, like, Oh.

This guy's a pussy.

It's it's cute. You know, it's cute when people get high for the first time. It's real fucking adorable.

Were you told me you took a.

Oh yeah, I smoked in third grade. That was no, no, no, just more of a paranoid trip. I would say that the time I got high for the first time was probably with that guy. If it, oh no, it would have been you and me and Blandrew and the shed because I got sacked.

Was that first time? I Yeah, I had smoked with a bunch of times before that, I'd smoked whatever. And that one time when George and Little Rob shout out Little Rob patron subscriber patroon dot com stas were spring cast uh when they brought they brought over some fun.

They brought off her a lot. Yeah, that we had like four blunts. I think all at one time.

That fucking weed we smoked tasted like it was grown out of fucking Nate Dogg's grave or something like yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the first time I came in. I think I just started. And the worst part is, what about that time we.

Got we got high and we I stomped in the snow. Was that before that? Because I was high, then for sure.

It might have It might have been that was the okay, maybe that was the first time in the shed. I think munchies, yeah, I think.

Okay, So the time we smoked and I stomped in the snow, I think was the first time I got like high high and I enjoyed it, and it was just like, Okay, this is what being high is. But anytime I had smoked weed before that, I'm almost certain it had been like, oh fuck, I'm going to get in so much trouble now, you know. That's all I experienced.

Right, But that shed time wrecked me. I went inside.

That was awesome.

That was the best day ever, I know. But I had to work late and you.

Guys were just call out, just call out of your job.

I was like, I don't I can't do that, Like I can't call out of my job. And I showed up late. You guys ate fucking Popeyes before? Oh yeah, that was my first getting high. I went out there, I think with little Rob, but maybe not, maybe just brew. If you'd like to come on and add any more detail to this reach out to me, i'd have a little Rob on.

Yeah I can. I can confront him about his stolen valor. So I went.

Marines. There was a There was no fucking Popeyes left. You guys left none of it at all, which I understand. I'm not giving ship about that, dude. So Andrew had like a fucking loaf of bread in his CA and I think I just started eating dry pieces of bread.

Dude, I think I remember that. I think I remember you bitching about eating bread. And it wasn't even the bread you liked, No.

It was like cheap, shitty bread.

Yeah, like what I mean, dude, we were all living in poverty back Dennis kids.

It was his mother's house. His mother had no food. She wasn't living in poverty, she was, dude. She had her ex husband living there so she could pay rent. Okay, all right, that's fair.

Yeah.

I don't want to delve too deeply into their family.

The fact that Blander's a millionaire now and hasn't dug her out of the grave yet. I mean, that's beside the point.

So we had to go the other day up to Secaucus, which.

Is what That's a made up ass place if I have ever heard of. Is that a town from a Neil gaming book?

It's an out No, you don't know. Secaucus is the last stop on the New Jersey Transit before New York. So, okay, Secaucus like the inside of a septic hang like you'd expect. Yeah, not manufacturing. I'm sure it is a byproduct of some kind of manufacturing or construction, but it actually just it smells like sewage everywhere you go, right, Well.

Is it like an outlet for all the sewer water or something?

I don't know.

Maybe probably, Well, dude, in twenty nine Palms, where I was stationed in the Marines, there's literally just a lake of shit water because it's like all the plumbing shit has to go somewhere, right, And at the time the base was built, the spot that they had put the shit lake water was probably reasonable, you know, because it was just like a training ground and they were just like doing stuff in the middle of the desert, and

Bross, all the stuff that that guy ate out of the drain, right yeah, and then ship back into the y. So we have to go all the way to Caucus. It's an hour and a half and it's on the turnpike. And I'm not a scared driver, but I also don't like drivers. It's not no. I would actually all right, I would lean a little more towards scared. I got into an accident pretty early into having my license. I don't like getting an accidents. They really fucking scare me.

Dude, car dude. Any death that is like a fighter's death, like fighting a shark off or mob hit or something, you know, like you have a heart attack while you' getting a blowjob or something. These are all you noble ways.

You walk down the street in Philadelphia.

Sure, right, well, I mean yeah, that's the Vikings called it, trying to enter the gates of Valhalla.

I guess, yeah, yeah.

I would prefer any of those to a car crash. But I'll say this about being a scared driver. I used to be a scared driver until I don't know what it was. I thought, I can't name a specific instance, but like, eventually I realized, holy shit, I am such a better driver than everybody else on this fucking road.

I'm not scared of me. I'm not scared of me, right exactly, I'm scared of everyone else on this.

Road, right right, right right? Yeah, I get that. I used to be scared of everybody else on the road. Uh, until I realized I can predict what every car is going to do every time, and uh, and I'm never wrong, you know. So now I drive like ninety and I never get tickets and I never get in accidents, and I defy you to prove me wrong.

Okay, I just don't. I just don't. I get it. Oh, you could predict what they're doing. I've seen the Final Destination movies too many times, like I always okay, So when I get on the turnpike, it's this fucking dilemma I'm hit with immediately. Right, there's the trucks and cars lane and there's just the car's lane. To me, just the car's lane is the safer lane, right, because I don't want to get crushed by some big, giant fucking truck. And trucks go slow as fuck, sure, yes, or sometimes

You'd benefit from adderall because dude, like, okay, So the drive to San Francisco from Reno is exactly like you're describing every time. For three hours straight, you're just like up in this winding ass fucking mountain. To your left is a flimsy ass barrier that looks like it couldn't hold up, you know, like scooter, Yeah right, yeah, it couldn't. It couldn't be a kickstand, you know. And then a fucking five thousand foot drop off, and then to your

And it really.

Helps if you have a good car. So driving a shitty car makes a big difference. But if you've got a car that has like a lane assist or even a camera that lets you see the lane lines better, that adds a lot to it. So I've found myself over the last couple of years putting off those drives because I'm like, ah, that's a risky one for me. But then I've been forced to do it, and I've it hasn't been so bad. You know, you just have to realize that you, my friend Matt, they are better

Can I tell you the real problem? And I don't. I cannot figure out what it stems from inside me. When I start going fast, real fast, eighty eighty five something like that, my hands want to come off the wheel.

Oh yeah, just like, see what direction you'll go?

Totally no, no, But it's a it's it's an urge. I have to actively fight, like to the point I've had to take a hand off of the wheel because I was scared I was going to just jerk it into I don't know, I don't know what it is, man, I don't know what stems from I I.

I mean, it makes sense. You're driving a bullet. Basically, you're moving ninety miles an hour, which is a speed no human evolutionarily or biologically should really be able to comprehend from a first person perspective, unless you're about to die. I mean, that's really the only way a person in the history of human existence up until very recently would ever experience a speed like that. It would be falling off a cliff and dying. So I mean it makes

Yeah, well that's good. Make sure you figure out a way to put something else out when I'm killed in I just want to drive fast. So it's funny you mentioned that. I've told you before the theory on it that road rage comes from being in such a tense environment where you could be killed at any second. That's why your intensity is always maximized. There was a lady who was doing five miles an hour in front of us in one of the back roads. I guess she was looking for a turn, but she had no blinker

Are you okay?

She starts screaming at me. She's like, if you want to just go ahead, just go ahead, then go ahead. I said, this was a bad line, and I could see the look on her face. I go, I go, you're just in the middle of lane here, blah blah blah blah blah. She goes, just go ahead, just go ahead, now leave, you can leave, And I said, no, I'm gonna let you go first. I'm gonna follow you. Oh my god, it goes, Oh are you? Are you? I said,

No, you were just raging, that's the excuse.

I just needed to rage. I told Jenn. I was like, look, here's the thing. I'm not a guy with a gun, but someday that woman's gonna come across my guy, God, you might rape and kill her. So actually it's kind of a benefit that I did for her because I non violently scared her into not committing road rage in future incidents. Holy shit, I'm a spind I'm a spin doctor. Two Prince's baby, I'm a spind doctor.

I don't know if I should pity you or trying to pass off that lame ass excuse, or your wife for falling for it.

She didn't fall for hit.

She knows I'm a monster, okay, all right, well then okay, well then she's attracted to that, and I can't. I can't knock somebody for their fetish. I can't, king shame.

It's a it's a step below those chicks that write serial killers in prison, right, yeah it was. Who's a fucking loser sociopath? I'll just team up with this guy here.

Yeah, I could marry a guy who I'll see once a year through a plexiglass wall in exchange correspondence with or some guy who yells at Karen's on the side of the highway.

No, so that was a back road. So all right, I'm on the highway and I decide I'm going to take the truck and car route, so it's more wide open there. Okay, even though I'm dealing with these trucks, it's not all those barricades and whatever else, Like there's no shoulder at all. It's like six inches from the line is a barricade. So it just doing seventy between. It's like a stunt car thing. It feels like to me.

I get that, yeah, like your your car, Like That's the thing that's so wild to me is like you ever like be pulling into a parking space and you're like, ah, fuck, I don't have enough room, and then you get out and you look and you're like, damn, I had plenty of room. Like I understand what you're saying. You're literally six inches from that barrier, but it feels so much closer when it's speeding by. You.

You know what I'm saying, You're six inches from the end of the line, which is six inches, so you're a foot for the but it feels yes when you're speeding by, You're like, am I graping along the side of this?

You know?

Right?

Oh No, I've been there where I'm just like I don't want to bang into this, but I never do because I'm fucking better than every other driver.

Yeah, I forgot about that one. Yeah, So I take the truck route, and the truck route getting there's fine, it's okay. It's like at one point we get boxed in by literally four trucks and then I'm just kind of like, this makes me like they blocked out the sun like they were fucking leoniitis or whatever, and I just it freaked me out. But I was fine with that because it was I bet you.

Felt it safe though, if there was a Decepticon attack.

Unless I was in the middle of the Decepticons. Oh no, dude, The Decepticons are always aircraft. That's just like there are always jets and helicopters and missiles and fucking plagues and ohows. Yeah, but I was what was on the trucks?

You didn't even ask, Well, was there fighter jets on it?

Helicopter two? Helicopter transports? Yeah, okay, the one in front of me was a was a flying one man droned and the one behind me was a warship.

He was a battleship.

Yeah, it was a battleship.

Yeah, with you know the at the helm, the ones they keep those jets on when they put blocks behind the wheels, those things.

Aircraft carrier.

Yeah, that was behind me.

You know what's so funny in World War Two?

I can name a few things, but we won't get another episode, so go ahead.

Well, we would just have a war and then or a battle and then we would just like sink these giant ships and then they're at the bottom of the ocean.

Now did we do that? What do you mean when we blow them up and stuff?

Well, I mean any submarine and any destroyer and any warship that sunk, they didn't retrieve it out in the middle of the fucking ocean. You know, they're just down there in the middle of nowhere with you know, like octopuses and stuff and like a bunch of dead soldier's bones.

That's the worst part. There's nothing even that valuable on them. So there's gold, like stolen gold or treasure, some shit.

Corpedoes and missiles and shit.

Yeah, from fucking you know, one hundred years ago, almost eighty years ago.

I think. You know, there's like a few nuclear incidents that have happened throughout the years that people don't know about. Like everyone knows about Chernobyl and all this stuff, but there's like more interesting nuclear incidents like the guy who got the beam through his brain because he went into a room when he wasn't supposed to. And then I know that there's been ordinance lost, and if I'm not mistaken, there's a nuclear sub It might have been a Russian one.

It just it sunk.

It just disappeared, and nobody knows where it is and it's never turned up. And it hadn't fucking nuclear missile on it.

Hmmm. I wonder if they were. I was just gonna suggest somebody like fucking Iran or Pakistango get it. But why uh yeah, they would.

Just be doing the work for us, and we're not gonna let them get all the glory.

Yeah that's true.

We'll get the nuke.

So we're going up there. We got up there. Fine, truck Lane's fine, right, Oh good, you made it. So she's gotta give piss and blood and damn.

Piss for us and bleed.

God, oh my god. You know what's so cool? Your chick's like this too, you know, and mine is too. The one nurse was this Spanish lady spoke like no English, right, But it's the first time I've ever thought long legs were sexy.

Every once in a while you'll see a set of long legs and you'll be like, Okay, I see why some people like this. But it's not every set but yeah, I.

Know, And it's not every long leg it has to come up to the right ass. It can't just be a huge ass. In fact, if it's long legs, it needs to be smaller and plump.

I would say, yeah, the proportion like has got to be right, Like so your torso has still got to be like an appropriate when like I don't know if it's the golden ratio or whatever, but it needs to be proportional to your legs. You can't have a super stumpy ass mid section, you know, and then a big fat head or something. It's it's it's a whole package.

You're wait, that's next, Yeah, yeah, you're uh. I feel the exact same way and the exact same premise. The one exception not an exception at all, and maybe it was an exception. But the one that I put in the same category that I never really found hot except in one movie role was Cameron Diaz in The Mass She was oh, yeah, gorgeous in that and then I just never got it. But she was one where people would be like, wow, look at the long legs. I

But yeah, do something valuable with your life.

Yeah, fucking reach light bulbs for pollocks. So no, just need one of them, just one person. You just turned the bulb, not the house.

Uh So, Yeah, beauty standards have definitely changed, that's for sure, but I think that, uh I can I can appreciate what was the thing that was attractive to folks. So, like, I still think Marilyn Monroe is attractive, even if you say, like she's averaged by today's standards. I see why she is celebrated as a beautiful person and as a beauty icon. Yeah, and then you go back even further to somebody like Audrey Hepburn or even Catherine Hepburn, who's like more masculine

But it's like these bitches. Uh.

While I wouldn't say like, oh that's my type, I can absolutely see the appeal of like the time, the girl, the the whatever the attribute is. It's just that we're not living in that time right now. And I don't know that long legs is has ever really been. I mean, it's just like having a big ass, right, Like big butts are are great as long as they're not on ROSI O'Donnell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're a sloppy pig the rest of you, like, who gives a shit?

It's been but within within reason, you.

Know, sure, sure, sure. So Jen goes in finally to get out of her blood or whatever, right, and I go, hey, I'm gonna go grab coffee for both of us because she couldn't she had the fast and not drink coffee. So I'm gonna go downstairs and grab coffee. I go to their Starbucks at this it's the Hudson Regional Hospital.

Huh.

The Starbucks is not actually a Starbucks, but the stuff is branded as a Starbucks. Specifically, here's why I got the idea was not actually a Starbucks.

What it's like Folgers or something.

Uh no, No, I'm not like being a cunt and like commenting on the quality of the coffee. It's like they bought Starbucks cups on Amazon or something and they're selling coffee as Starbucks. I don't know. Problem is it?

Is it Starbucks coffee though that they're brewing like that you buy from the store.

The only reason I don't I think it's Starbucks coffee is because when I went over to where the creamers were, there was also a pot of chicken soup that you could scoop into a bowl and bring in pay at the front. Now, Starbucks doesn't really have an open soup policy in that way, I don't believe.

I mean, they're always changing their menu though I always see different varieties of cake pops.

There was also an unbranded seven to eleven heater one of those heaters, and there were empanadas inside. Now again this was in a seven eleven one. I'm just giving you the idea of the size of you know, their little warm deck area or empanadas in there. And again, I know Starbucks is trying to become more international, but I've never seen them sell empanadas. Third thing, was there was a live chicken running around at my feet at.

One Shut the fuck up.

Oh I'm fucking on that one. I'm just fucking on that one. But yes. So I get two coffees and like a bag of chips. I'm like, maybe she'll want something to eat afterwards.

Her blood you gave her.

Mm hmm. Well no. I get upstairs and the gorgeous Spanish woman with the plump ass and long legs is in a catcher's position, and I'm like, ooh, this bitch is twerking nice.

Oh nice, she's shitting' all right?

I see, Oh yeah, she's gonna just shit her pants in the middle of the hospital. I then look in and I see three other Hispanic women gathering around a person who's laying on the floor. And the last time I was up there and little Lady Jen was the person that was in the room. So it's weird because why would Jen be passed out on the floor.

Damn? I wonder if she just saw the fucking lady's torkin and it was too much for her.

They stuck Jen with the needle and immediately they went sweaty, you're going white? Are you okay? And Jen's head just kind of went sideways and they tried to get her to stand up. When she did, they had to sit her down. She just kind of passed out. So I come up and they're putting her feet up on a chair and I'm just holding this coffee and there's this black dude in the waiting room and he's watching me hold this coffee like I'm fucking I don't know Gunther and Friends, and.

I don't get the reference, but I hate Friends, so I'm laughing he was.

I didn't never really watch Friends. I just know he was that gay coffee guy. He would hang out of the coffee. He was his home up.

Yeah, I explain it more Happy Pride month.

So I'm balancing the coffee and this black dude goes, hey, brother, you want me to hold that coffee for you. I go, thank you so much. Man, Here you go take it. I want it to off from the chips, but I thought that would be insulting. So I did you think he's fucking homeless?

Well you think I never had chips before?

Yeah?

You think I never had Lai's delicious kettle cook that's.

Due kettle Cook's overrated.

Nah, pretty good man, I.

Mean, they're good. But what's good about kettle cook is they have a different variety of flavors. Yeah, salt, pepper and jalapino.

Those are my favorites.

But continue, But it's like, if you're talking potato chips and you're talking lays, how are you going to beat the classic yella?

That's a fair point, the classic yellow. So anyway, my wife's passed out on the floor.

Yeah, dude, that's what I don't get about those fasting things. They tell you not to eat and then they stick you with a fucking needle.

What do you think is gonna happen. I've never passed out from giving blood before.

It's if you don't eat. It's very common when you lose blood to get light headed and to faint.

I believe it because likely it's something to do with your blood sugar, probably, right, which is why they have little things the juice for you afterwards. No, it's fine, she comes to, she gives her blood, she gives her piss, no incident, We're all good. You have to give a shit sample. Yeah, sorry, I smeared it on the outside. I called it on my hair.

And oh you gotta swab for this.

Yeah, they put it in the bag and it just smears along the bag.

So ship being a ship doctor's got to be the worst kind of doctor, the kind where you got to like take ship out of one person and put it in another person's intestines.

Like like a hippie thing.

Now, that's a real medical procedure, like to build up Like if you have a gut bacteria, like an issue with your bacteria and they're not breaking down food or whatever, they can take the shit out of a healthy person and stick it in your asshole like surgically, you know, with a glove or something.

With a turkey baster. Yeah, oh, imagine there with the bellows. Close your eyes and really imagine the feeling of of a jerky baster all of someone else's ship being pumped into your body.

That's the worst thing I've seen. And I watched that guy eat those fucking corn and peas out of that. It's worse visual than the corn and peace for sure. Not good. It's not good. No, But I.

Bet you is micro bio mis thanking him right now.

But that is also I think south Park made fun of that. I think that's also started either as like a holistic thing. I understand there is an actual procedure where you move that, but I remember who's the jew Kyle's mom didn't she have There was an episode where she had some kind of shit transplant and it made her feel healthier or lose weight, and all the other women were trying to get her shit. It wasn't a great episode. It was only the recent seasons.

Well, a lot of people will take the medical procedures and then turn them into fads, right like ozempic where it's like that's what South Park just did recently, where it's like it started for healthy people and now people who don't necessarily need the drug or taking it to lose weight when other people need it and they can't

Yeah, I get it. No, it makes sense, by the way, a zempic, that's the us y I don't I would benefit from after all. Uh No, I'm not some pussy that needs pharmacological drugs. Here's the thing I needed to lose weight. I wanted to get ozempic. I couldn't get ozempic. I'm proud to announce that today I am one point four pounds below my COVID starting weight. I lost Wow, seventy one and a half pounds.

Congratulations whatever I'm clapping.

Oh zempic. All I had to do was eat meat anytime I was hungry. Just eat some meat. Now, depression, sadness, eats some meat. Fucking you feel like you're adhd eat meat. You an insel, you want to shoot up your school? Eats a meat. Just do that fixes all your meat to come, eat some meat. I do shit, eat some meat. I do have to go to my gi doctor on Wednesday because my guts have been swollen since Cinco Demayo.

So I mean that happens when I eat a lot of meat.

Dude, that's just eat and I think I figured it out. Maybe too much meat?

Well, I mean, just have like a tortilla every stid Like, that's what I do when I make tacos. I have like one of those little street taco tortillas, the small ones. But then I feel it with so much meat and onions.

Okay, so you got your meat.

Then right, got so much meat and it's just a little bit of tortilla. So it's like it's most I'm trying to copy you, you know, but it's like I can't give.

Up the bread.

I gotta have a little tortilla, so I have so much meat and then my shit comes out like, you know, just like blended onion, stew onion, porridge.

What were DJ names?

I don't remember it all.

Oh Joe, Joe. Somebody commented in the Patreon it was meat and something bully, I don't remember. I don't remember what it was. Yeah, Joe, let us know what it was, meet and what we got to design a logo with it and then it'll stick. So on the way back, right, I break it down. I go, hey, I'm going to do the same thing as last time. I don't want to get stuck in the car lane where it's all jammed up and real tight, especially with her having just

So wait a minute, But what did they do at the procedure? They just looked at her blood and piss and then they told you to go.

It's a pre op work up. So she's having surgery on the fourteenth, and it's it's yeah, they got to make sure your cholesterol levels are good and this and that one.

So it's fine, it's all, it's fine. No, yeah, I hate to like just brush your chick aside, but it's like, come on, until they're taking into her with a scalpel, Like, what the fuck do I care?

Okay, I apologize. I was just trying to eat some time here, but okay, go on. Uh. I decided I'm gonna take the truck lane again. Now here's the fucking problem. The barriers are not on the car side on the way home.

Oh shit, you fuck her? Oh no, so I me.

Yeah, I didn't even think about.

Everything is reversed.

Well kind of, but they're working on something, yeah, mirrored, but they're working on the op. Yeah. So I'm in the truck lane and we're doing seventy and it's two lanes, thank god, completely boxed in right yeah, yeah, farmers. There's a truck in front of me at one point, and he has those metal pipes all shit. Yeah, like the ones from Final Destination that just ripped through the skull, you know, as they fall off of the truck. That's a good scene in the descent. Also, Yes, yeah, I

It's a dream sequence, I think before they even go in the cave. Yeah, Bean goes through this bitch's fucking face. It wos.

So I need to get away from behind this truck, right, I just have to. It's creepy, wonder. I was gonna try and go over, but it didn't work either. Go go gadget and get me away from this fucking truck please. Uh. Plus, I hit that black eye on a bike man and that wasn't even my fault that one time. So I just don't like car stuff. Every accident. I just don't like it. So anyway, I go, all right, I'll go to the left of this guy and I'll try and

Oh okay, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll just give him a honk, like let him know, like, hey, motherfucker, this is my lane.

We were going so fast and I was so close behind him because there was another truck kind of pushing me ahead from behind that if I had beaped and he had break checked me, I would have been killed. I would have been crushed between the two trucks. Likely it was two car lanths maybe.

Oh, now, dude, I would have breaked simultaneously so that I matched his exact position in velocity, and I would have locked in line with his tires and skid it under the trailers carriage thing with the chains under there, chain one of those chains connect to Oh those are for the tires, all right, Well you put them on the tires when this snow's real bad to give you traction?

All right? Real answer works?

Thanks, I mean, dude, I didn't want you to think that there was still a slave times, because it used to be like the slave drivers would just get out and beat the slaves to the chain and then hurt them all back into the trailer and then keep driving to Nevada. Uh, how slavery was, folks.

So I'm doing eighty eighty five trying to get ahead of this guy in that narrow lane we talked about, and he starts swaying towards me. Okay, okay, okay, real close, and it felt like it felt like he was six inches away or whatever it was where I felt the truck on me next to gen store. Obviously it wasn't

So I almost killed those little kids. It was two fucking weird thirty your kids until you fucking bro create. Man, that's just how it works. Like you're always going to be a kid to me?

Is it? Shut up?

What the fuck care?

I don't care? Uh you want to go?

You got so much kid? Yeah, I did want to talk about this. I think this is the best. This is the best tactic in war I've seen since the Vietcong covered spikes and ship and buried them in leaves for archieies to fall onto.

Sticks.

Yeah, yeah, we're really smart. You read the headline, North Korea floats more rubbish filled balloons over South. Rubbish for those the uninitiated, is British for shit.

No, I think it's trash.

I thought it was shit. I thought it's rubbish as shit, it's ship, it's shite.

No, go throw that rubbish over there. That's not how it goes.

Oh no, you're bad at British. Shut up.

Rubbish meaning in English useless waste or rejected matter. Trash that's my ship is something that is worthless or nonsensical.

Rejected matter is what I literally look in the toilet every day and I'm like bye bye. Rejected matter made it cut.

I was just gonna say you didn't make the cut.

Uh.

North Korea is sending more balloons carrying rubbish across the heavily fortified southern border. South Korea's military has said. It comes just days after North Korea appeared to send at least oh man, imagine if it was shit, and imagine being the guy having to fill them.

I mean, if it's trash, there's definite least one diaper or turret or something.

Oh sure, yeah, no, there's one hundred some form of shit in there. Yeah. Well, rats North Korea. Though they might be sending like human bones over or something, aren't they eating each other now?

I don't know what the fuck they're doing. I feel like they could eat the dirt right.

I don't think his dirt is very sustainable.

Hey, dude, the Irish did it. We were slaves. We ate dirt, we ate potatoes. You look at we bounced back.

They're still doing it.

Well, yeah, fighting Irish.

South Koreas Defense minister shinwonk sek called it unimmassed, generally petty and low grade behavior. I mean, aren't they kind of technically at a war, a cold war or something.

It's bullshit. I think they are A, yeah, it's it's what is it? A ceasefire is what it's called. They are something like that, the Korean War is technically still happening.

We should send in troops.

Oh dude, we should send in balloons full of our shit and come, we'll fucking keep escalating. It's like a it's a new Cold war. It's the fucking it's the sewage that what is the foul war? That's what it is?

How would they?

So?

I do think this is a brilliant tactic. I do like the idea of using balloons to float over shit or human waste or just waste in general, and hoping that it pops and lands onto one of these people.

Or just hoping that it solves climate change.

What was the think I was gonna say? I forget.

It's kind of a nice way to be at war. It's better than killing each other.

Right, Yeah, I guess, so, I guess we should comment on this.

Oh yeah, this is this is real good. I like this clip.

Trump unfairly convicted on thirty four counts my opinion.

I don't really care about well, I mean, I don't know if it was unfairly or not, because I haven't followed it enough. I'll just say for now, Yeah, sure it was unfair because the.

Only part of the thing I don't want to I want to clarify my own self here, not to argue or whatever. The timing of it I thought was the only kind of unfair part. It's in the middle of this when you did have from the end of twenty twenty, you know, from when he left office execute these kinds of things. I just timing wise, that's the only I believe everyone should have their day in court and should be charged if they committed a crime. It's just timing wise.

Well, I mean, I kind of take the argument that Trump made at the beginning, where it's like, how can you get a jury of his peers? He has no peers. He stands in a league of his own.

I never heard that, and that does kind of make sense. Yeah, just execute him.

You know, there's no one else like him. You can't try him, so you know, just like gotta get rid of him.

It is funny that there are people who look at him in that way in real life, but who look at him as a rasputant type character?

Wait, what do you mean, Oh, you just can't kill.

Him, not only executing this man, we have to behead him and quarter him and bury limbs at sea. Otherwise there's a chance, yeah goodness that he comes back. So this is a homosexual gentleman. I guess we celebrate Pride month like this?

Well, I mean, I don't know. He doesn't say if he's homosexual, but he does have a shirt on that says what does it say.

A's for Trump. Okay, so he definitely supports gaye for Trump at least.

I told you.

Oh that's how we knew he was gay. I'm sorry. Yeah, there the lilt.

There wasn't a clue until he spoke.

I like his shirt. I love Donald Trump. You got a problem with that bitch? Not a question and a problem with that bitch. Gaze for Trump? Holy ship. Look, I will rip on the left because they do ship just as retarded as this, like Gaze for Palestine. But everyone is so dumb anymore, aren't they just anyone? People don't even have a grasp of the language they speak. I'm not being a grammar Nazi on this, but like, that's not a fucking statement, that's a question.

This guy has two whole identities. He's a gay and a trumper.

It'd be like, what do you want to understand which do you have tuna? Exclamation point?

Yeah, do you have tuna? Tuna? Do you have tuna? It's so hard to not even make it a question. But it's like it's.

Difficult that way. It's actively difficult to make that a question. Yes, all right, I told you ship.

I told you, Holy fucking ship father fuck mother.

You suck.

That ship. Ship and I like, eat ship and die. That rules.

Oh yeah, dude's classic. You can't go wrong with that one.

These guys do rule. Okay.

They make a great team. I do out of respect it for for those just listening, it is a you know, like a gay Frasier and then like the star of the newest Discovery Survivor series, you know, like this guy's gonna teach you how to survive in the wilderness.

Or or he could play John Leguizamo's uncle on the sitcom Sure yeah yeah, or Scuzzy cousin.

They make a great duo, that's for sure. They an unlikely duo.

Just just like gays for Palestine, they make a duo that from the outside should make zero sense whatsoever.

But then you see it up close and you're like, all right, now it makes sense. It's like a it's like a shrimp taco.

Hmm okay, shit, joy, your fucking kids are all Your kids are all fucking you. They're all fucking down. Ye hey, hey, you laughed at him like he's ridiculous. Let me ask you if they were screaming that same exact thing, your kids are all dead about climate change, would you agree?

I would still be laughing, because I mean, our our kids are all everybody's all dead. Right moment you're born, you're dead, right, That's the only thing you're guaranteed. I just think it's funny that this guy is, like, huh, he's very threatening about how he's telling me my kids are already dead.

You know.

That's what I just find so humorous about it. Is like, if I don't laugh, I'm gonna start trembling the worst the best person starting to worry about my kids.

If he wrote it out, he'd end it within an in taro bang the question mark with the exclamation point right kids are all dead. Your kids are all dead. That's a semi colon and they're all that's that's what the gay guy. That's what the gay guy has left.

Oh man, play it again.

No, do you get that's what the gay guy has left. He only has a semi colon left.

Oh yeah, because his colon got destroyed.

Yeah, okay, all right, Sorry, I was proud of that one. I had to know.

It's good. I'm sorry I didn't hear it. I'm glad you explained it, even though it ruined the joke.

I'm guilty. Yeah, you feel you do it?

Just country.

There's another clip? All right? Is there another one from another angle? Because this dude, uh, he calls the people uh the f slur? I remember, yeah, And I think it was funny because he is an f slur, so he gets a pass. But it's like he was so vicious.

About it, you know, for Trump. Maybe maybe I was.

I know that was taken the day of the trial or the guilty verdict, so it was like right outside there he is.

Well, yeah, but it's not a video.

Okay, Well, if I'll look for.

It in the episode, yeah, or yeah, we'll talk about it. Someone, let's see that's the same one.

Yeah, either way, this f slur called everybody an f slur for finding the president guilty of the other f slur fraud.

Now let me show you the inverse of that. Here's a woman who has different colored blankets all over a couch, which, look, I understand. Here's the thing, like my mother does, the type of shit like when you get she has like a new washing machine. Right, she didn't just get it, she got it ten years ago. But the plastic graph is still on the top because you don't want it to get scratched up. Well, here's the thing. If you're gonna resell it, I understand you don't want it to

You got to look at it every day, and now this plastic is covered in fingerprint, fingerprint grease.

Yea, yeah exactly, it's discussed. Feel it off, just fucking use it. So this couch, I'm sure this white trash family is like, well, we don't want a bunch of dog hairs on the couch. This couch looks like they got it out of a fucking dumpster anyway, gives a ship.

Well, dude, you know couches are expensive.

Okay, fair point. All right, here is the inverse of the guy losing his mind for Trump.

Okay, oh my god, hand.

Jesus Christ, Oh my god, having a joker moment.

Counts.

What is she celebrating exactly.

That he got that he got convinced. Yeah, you you're having a hard time understanding why this woman here?

Yeah, white trash?

Sure what changes her day? Oh? I misunderstood. I understand now, gotcha?

Yeah?

Is like dogs eat Yeah, I know, dogs like m smells rotten.

Yeah, got a steak in there.

You know how when a dog goes and eats cat ship that's in the yard or something by accident they do that. That was what I was picturing him thinking, Oh absolutely.

Yeah, okay, right, who sucks this woman? Maybe for four years potentially you'll probably do six months. Dogs, poor dog. That'd be funny if she was.

Like shut kicked it in its head. Yeah, I feel bad for the dog.

That's probably why it cuts there, because that's what happened.

Fucking piece of shit dog owner. Uh So, again, if we've both been very political at times, and we'll continue to have our own opinions, but if you're that into it, you're gay for Pride Month, you're gay? Yeah, I got not homosexual the derogatory term of gay.

No, no, no, no, like you're gay like in the insult, I get it.

Yeah, like you're faying like not in the derogatory term.

I just think it's funny that so for the thirty four felonies he's found guilty of, the maximum time he can spend in prison is four years. It's like, man, was it worth it?

You know? If if and and that would be if he was like if he had a prior record or.

And also, how can you commit thirty four felonies and also only serve four years? That seems incorrect to me.

Because they're not they're not really, they're they're you.

Really, But no, Like, here's the thing, Like, if other people are convicted of any of those crimes at all, I don't care how valid they are in Trump's case. Right, if these laws exist and people are found guilty of them in any other case.

Oh, I know why, I know why. I know what.

And they and they go to jail and they have served time or whatever. Why is it that the thirty four of these case.

They're not because they're not supposed to be felonies the DA Alvin Bragg, I believe, and look this up. You should look into because I don't know either, and I'll try and commit to this too to look into like the legal ease of it and everything. I believe they were a majority of them were misdemeanors and they were upgraded to fellows because Rico, No, not Rico Rico would be the Georgia case, I believe.

Oh okay, yeah, so why would they upgrade this to felonies?

Again? This case made no sense. But here's the case made no sense and it's been out there in public since twenty sixteen. Why are we only now prosecuting it during the election run up?

Oh dude, I don't I that I think is a bad argument, just because there's so many other people who commit crimes and then sit in a jail cell for years before they have a trial. So it's just like that's just the justice system. I mean, you're you make you could be right, right, I'm not completely dismissing your argument, but the justice system is already broken and fucked up, Like there's already people who don't get fair quick expedient trials. Why would you expect Trump to you know.

So, let me ask you if leading up okay, but I mean, we weren't even allowed to discuss the Hunter Biden laptop leading up to the last election. Right, and imagine if at that time, when Trump was president, he had actually had his Justice Department start indicting, not just investiga, indicting, should have people from he should not have because he should should the swamp. That's okay, that's election interference. That's really what should you should have drained the swamp? Is

I'm draining the fucking stuff from your balls out of my fucking swamp.

Uh go to your hold. Thank you. Go to your Worst friend dot com. Follow us on Patreon. Uh no, wait, follow us on Twitter and Instagram. At Worst friend Cast, go to patreon dot com sae Worst friend Cast your bonus episode. Every week you get access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free Winners and losers. Winners or guys like us. Losers are people so politically obsessed with Trump or hating Trump that they're willing to scream f slurs. Let's try

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

Yeah I will June. I will say it's not February. I'm going to they should have made Pride Month February. I'm going to just jam them all in there. Uh, I'm going to exponentially increase my use of it.

This should have been made Black History Month November for you.

Just we're good, we we're good.

For your spendo, Matt, I'm Shane, and my winners this week are gays for Trump and thanks for list and.

We'll see it extra, you know, follow us all with a Bruno thing. But I'm really gonna miss your guts and the show's over.