The Struggle With Clothing Sizes: How To Change Your Perspective

Now I'm sharing what I know with you fitness , nutrition and all the deeper stuff to help you discover your strongest body . Hello , welcome back . Thanks for being here . You're listening to your strongest body . I'm Betsy . I guess you heard that whole thing in the intro . What's new around here ?

It is September and it's kind of cooling off a little bit in Gainesville , florida , believe it or not . Other people have agreed with me that it's cooling off . Usually I'm the person who's complaining it's cold . Now . Cooling off here is like not fall temperatures other places by any means , but it's starting . You can feel the change in the weather .

You can feel the change in the activities you're going to do , the fun fall drinks you're going to get , or the favorite foods around this time . I'm medium on the pumpkin stuff . I can go with it sometimes , but I'm not all in in the way that a lot of people are maybe Not sure , but I do like fall flavors and I like different things .

Let me think in two about pulling out the fall clothes . Now here's the thing in Florida , fall clothes are still going to be most of the same kinds of clothes . I'm going to be wearing tank tops . That works for me , because I love tank tops . I do not want to keep these shoulders locked up in a shirt . I want them out and about .

We're not really changing clothes here at least I'm not until like in November , early December , and that's like bringing a sweatshirt in the morning and then you have to take it off later . It had me thinking about sizes , about the kinds of mental mind games that people play with themselves when it comes to trying on clothes , buying clothes , wearing clothes .

I thought about it because a lot of my clients mention that they're feeling so good about themselves , they're having like just improved body confidence , improved self-esteem , and then all of a sudden it's time to go try on clothes or buy new clothes in like a season like this , and sort of all that progress , all that work on themselves , starts to fall apart .

We got to ask ourselves why . Why do these sizes , literal numbers on the inside of a small tag , play so big a role in how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive our worth in the world and how we perceive how others are going to feel and think about us .

There's so much to that and we could do episode on episode on episode about that , but I do want to take some time to really think about why those feelings creep up , how to address them and start to change our perspective from the size controlling how we feel about ourselves , versus feeling a certain way about ourselves and accepting clothes however they come .

And again , I think that's easier said than done , but I'll kind of get into that . So what is the challenge with sizing ? Well , there are lots of different challenges with sizing , I think , particularly for women . Women and I don't know who is listening to this , so I'm going to explain it if you are unfamiliar .

Women's sizing is given sort of a random number either , or title , like small , medium , large , extra large , double , xl , which some men's clothing is women's , like dresses , skirts , pants , shirts .

Sometimes are assigned a number two , four , six , eight , 10 , 12 , 14 , 16 , 18 , 24 , you know , um , whereas and I don't I am not a man and don't typically shop for men's clothing , but I have seen that they are measured with a measurement for the inseam , a measurement for the waist , I think that's what you call it .

The inseam um that corresponds with if you took a tape measure around that person's waist . That's what the measurement would be . Do you already see the challenge here with that Women are getting assigned a random number that does not always associate with a measurement or the same measurement .

So if you are a size eight and you buy an eight somewhere , it is not always the same waist measurement as , or hips measurement as , any other place . Same thing with like shoulders or bust . It's not the same measurement from one store to another store , whereas I'm sure there is variability in men's clothing as far as the sizing and the measurements go .

But I think it's important to note that there's probably less variability or at least it's a little easier to draw a conclusion about what sizes to take in the dressing room , because they correspond with a measurement .

So from the start , for the folks out there who purchase women's clothing or clothing that are put in a women's section , you are at a disadvantage and the mind games have begun . Why do we think there are mind games ? Because that is so much easier to sell .

I mean , we could talk about this for hours and hours and hours , but the diet industry , the wellness industry , the fashion industry are built on cultivating insecurities and then selling you the solution to the insecurity .

So , in so many ways , in an attempt to have women continually strive to be smaller , to take up less space , to even just need to perfect themselves in some way , we've even crafted sizing so that it caters to that kind of mental mind game . Like it's absolute horseshit . I said it , it really is .

And so no wonder you go into that dressing room confused , frustrated , disappointed , because every message that has come your way before this moment is be smaller , be smaller , be smaller . Like that , there's no other way to put that .

I want to say that there are lots of different kinds of messages in terms of body sizing , but for the most part it's just always about being smaller . And so you're set up for this tricky mental and emotional gymnastics at the very start , and then the best laid plans .

A lot of personal trainers , fitness coaches , nutrition coaches have tried to help individuals by asking them to disconnect from the scale , because we know how detrimental the scale can be for our progress and our mental , our mental health , and we know that the number on the scale is an indicative of how strong you are , how fit you are , how well , how , how you

like the way you look , like it just doesn't tell us the kind of information that we want .

But people are sort of always grasping for markers of a progress , and so if we're grasping for those markers of progress , well-meaning personal trainers I've done it , I did it before , I did it many times before because this is how I learned it Encourage clients to think about their sizes as a marker of success versus a scale .

Just think about how your clothes fit . In theory that's great . If you want to change the way your body looks , you want to change its size . No judgment here . You want to change its size , whether you want to make it smaller or bigger . The way your clothes fit will be , will communicate something to you .

They'll tell you like oh this , you know , I am getting smaller , or I am getting bigger , or my body shape is changing . So no judgment on that . But it's more to say that . One , it's a little bit like the same thing as depending on the scale .

Two , when we get into the clothes sizing , we're thinking also about all the ways in which that can send us down a rabbit hole and isn't a great measurement tool because it varies so much . So one you wash your clothes , you dry your clothes , they shrink . Oh , that changes you know how , how , how long you've had them ?

It changes the elasticity of the fabrics , things like that . So then you're using that as a barometer , even though the clothes are the ones that are changing . Or you've made all this fitness progress .

You're going to a store thinking that you are going to be a different size when you shop , and because that store has a certain sizing , you don't end up that way . You don't end up buying a smaller and or bigger size , and you're disappointed , you're really disappointed . And it has nothing to do with you , has nothing to do with your body .

Your body may have actually changed , but there's so much variability in sizing and clothing that it's given you sort of incorrect feedback . So I think it's a great idea in theory , but we've got to get away from , I believe , truly letting our clothes dictate how we feel about our bodies .

They can help us feel a certain way about our bodies , they can compliment how we're already feeling , but we can't or at least we're going to try not to let it impact the way we perceive ourselves as much as possible and I say that knowing full well it's hard to do . I want to be honest with you .

I am a person who feels very confident and comfortable in my body . This does not mean I don't have moments like that as well . I have worked a long time to have less of them , and that's something that you can do . That's something that you can work on , but sometimes you can't control gut feelings , instincts , emotional responses .

It's how you get out of that response that is going to determine your success moving forward . I typically can try something on , be disappointed with it or have a frustration about it , and be able to move on shortly after and not let it change the way I see my body . But that takes work , and so that's what we're going to talk about .

We're going to talk about the ways in which we can start to think differently about clothing and sizing and trying on clothes and buying clothes and buying certain sizes , so that we can continue to nurture a more respectful , appreciative either neutral relationship with our body or a loving relationship with our body .

Again , I want to be neutral about things , but I also want to live life like absolutely obsessed with myself . Same way . I want you to be absolutely obsessed with all the work you've done . I want you to be obsessed with how you feel .

I want you to absolutely get the most out of things and the most out of the short time you have to live in this incredible beautiful body that you have . It really is amazing and I want you to be able to relish it . It's not going to be all the time , but could we please aim for more of that time than less of that time ?

Alright , so let's talk strategy . Let's talk strategy about clothes shopping . So , first off , we're going to talk about some . I'm just going to break these down into like four or five little things to be thinking about when you go to try on clothes , and you can apply these to also how you like , pick your clothes out in in it on any given day .

So , number one you're going to start to consider yourself a range .

Rather than becoming so attached to a particular number , to a particular small , large , extra large , whatever that may be , you're going to start to consider yourself as a range , realizing that in some things you wear these sizes , some things you wear this size , depending on where you are in your life

. Some weeks . I'm stressed because , also , sometimes it's not just the sizing , sometimes it's your body . Your body shifts and changes over days , over weeks , over years . There are going to be times where you have more time to dedicate to your fitness and times where you will have less .

It means nothing in terms of your body's worth , so start to think about yourself as a range . This will help you as you head into a dressing room , grab multiple sizes , because it won't be a a failure to pick up X size , it will merely be oh , I think I like this style .

Let me take these two or these three sizes and see which one lays better on my body , because that's what clothes are doing to clothes are laying better or a way that you prefer , on your body , based on fabric , lighting , all that stuff , and I'm gonna talk about that next . But take a range , think of yourself as a range . Take a range . Same thing goes .

I mean like online shopping . Come on , that is hard . You get a picture , you get this random picture of a model that says Josie is 511 and where's a double XS . Okay , like that's what you're set up for when you go and you start to shop . So that's frustrating , first off .

Secondly , you're just like maybe you can apply your measurements to it , but you haven't felt the fabric , you haven't seen it up front . They have a name for you know they have a stargazing blue . And then you get it and it's like aquamarine or something . I don't know it . Just it's a really hard situation to be in to shop online .

So consider yourself a range and realize , when it comes back , like you may like it or you don't . And I suggest finding stores that have a good return policy and or like come with the return package for you , because the last thing you want to do is also feel like you're attached to a size because you bought it even though you don't like the way it looks .

You know you you don't have to wear something because it's a certain size and then feel uncomfortable in it and feel like you have to move it around all the time and shift and change . That is only going to play into how you're feeling about yourself and it's not going to feel good .

So you're going to start to consider yourself sort of a range of sizes and be open to the possibility that you might even fall outside of that range sometimes , but it's going to be less a indicator of who you are . You don't walk up to someone , say , hi , I'm Betsy and I'm a size blank Like .

That is not a , that is not a personality trait of mine , nor is it a something I'm going to , I'm going to put on my bio because it doesn't matter . So , thinking of yourself as a range , merely for ease of shopping , ease of allowing yourself to see how things look on you .

And then number two , number two we're going to realize that the clothes are supposed to fit us . We aren't supposed to fit the clothes . The clothes are supposed to fit us . We are not trying to fit the clothes . So if they don't fit by , different fabrics , different colors , different lighting in a dressing room are all going to impact how things look .

And just because something looks great on someone and you love how it looks does not mean that you are going to love how it looks on you , and that's okay . I want you to go out into the world one day and I want you to go to a crowded place and I want you to look around at all the different kinds of bodies .

All those bodies could also be on the exact same workout program and they'd still all look different , which means that when everybody tries on clothes , they're going to look different . I only discovered in the last year that I have a longer torso . I didn't know , and I was like , oh , why don't these things like go all the way up on me ?

Or like , why do I have to buy this size ? And that , oh , I have a really long torso , I guess compared , excuse me to other people . I didn't know that . Does it like wildly impact how I am going to interact in the world ?

No , it's just going to change sort of the sizes I wear in some things , especially things that are going to be like a bodysuit that requires length in my torso . That's all Same thing . So different colors are going to . You're going to like and I'm listen to listen how I'm saying this . I'm not saying you look better in blank .

I'm saying you like the way you look better in blank , because nobody gets to decide but you . You can have people you trust and give you feedback , but this isn't about you don't look good in this . It's about you don't like the way you look in this , which is just fine . It's about your decision .

There's nothing that says a certain style isn't for you , except for you as the person who picks it and we're kind of going to get into that next . So you , the clothes are fitting you . You aren't trying to fit the clothes . Lots of different things look different and you can take pictures of yourself .

That sometimes helps you get like a little bit more of a as neutral , a a feedback loop as you can . But remember we all see things that we that and and we put our own spin on what we're seeing . The third one is no slash , learn what you like .

So when you're going shopping , it's probably a good idea to try a bunch of different styles on different style necklines , different style shoulders , different style waist height , different style bottoms of pants . You know , are you a skinny Jean person ? Are you a big flared out pant person ? Whatever that may be .

Trying on a lot of things gives you a lot of information . It's also maybe helpful to learn the styles that you like , the way you look in , because you may be able to recreate that feeling of liking the way you look if you return to that style . Again , note how I'm saying it . It's not like this style is for you .

You know you have a blank build , so you look good in this . If that's how you feel , great , but it's about how you think you look in that thing . Oh , I like the way this looks on my body , or I like the way this looks on bodies like me .

Sometimes that helps me if I see a body type that's very similar to mine and I like the way those clothes look on that person . That might be where some inspiration comes from .

Again , we don't have the same exact body so it might not work exactly the same on me , but it does help me sort of get ideas as a person who would not consider themselves like innately aware of how styles fit certain body types . But again , it's about your preference , not about what a magazine says .

For women who have blank , blank , blank , these are the things you should wear . No , what do you want to wear ? So , finding style types that you like that you can fall back on , that will help . You want to try a lot of things on and you might learn that you like different things . That's a good .

You know , when you are going into a dressing room , you want to have some variety and some places and some things to pick from . But realize that if you want to feel your best , you may want to always take in one or two styles that are going to be like a home run for you right from the start .

And the last one is gather your trusted loved ones and lean on them If clothing and sizing and all that stuff feels hard for you , and you have people who you feel like you can genuinely ask their opinion on things without feeling hurt by what they say and or knowing that they're coming from a place of love , knowing that maybe they're not even saying things

don't look good . They're just telling you the things that they love the way you look in , and sometimes that helps you see how others see you in that loving way . I think we forget how much you know . If you spend a lot of time with a lot of negative thoughts about how you look and your body , you might forget that other people don't see you that way .

And so if you've got a hype squad , if you've got people who are going to say that looks amazing , or I love that color on you , or that's a great fit , they're going to help you .

Or , let's say , you have the two sizes , you're going back and forth and you feel like you can genuinely ask which of these feels like it fits me better , remembering that you can tailor things . That's also an option .

But that sort of feedback from someone who's on the outside , who you know love and trust , can take some of the hard work off of you and allow you to make a decision that is less about getting stuck in a number attached to something or the size name attached to something and just what feels and looks better , because , remember , you're walking around and moving

in these clothes too . So how do they feel ? And a great friend would be like how do you feel in this ? See what I'm saying ?

There are a lot of ways for us to just slightly shift our perspective and start to experience just how lovely it can be to feel good in your clothes , because I promise you , when you feel good in your clothes or when you don't , nobody is sitting there going . I bet blank is wearing a size blank .

If they are , they're a trash human being and they don't don't . Don't go hang out with them , but I doubt that anyone is doing that . Instead , what people are saying is oh , she looks amazing or even more than that . Okay , remember that , like who you are isn't is more than what you look like . She looks so happy to be here .

Can you and Matt , like I think about . I went to a wedding this summer and I found a dress that I loved . I absolutely loved it and it was like the perfect find . And it was the perfect find because it felt like it fit me well .

I felt stunning , I loved the fabric , I loved how it moved , and then I loved that I could dance at a wedding and not think about my skirt coming up too high or I just knew that it felt good . I like the way I could , I could be in it , because that's what we are . We are beings , human beings , living and interacting .

Like you got to find clothes that make you feel good to do the stuff you like , because you're not gonna look back and go like , oh , I only wish that my pictures looked good . No , you want to have a great experience .

There's so much to this and so I don't want to discount the feelings of wanting to show up as beautifully , as powerfully , as attractive as you want . It's just all together and that , when it comes down to it , we are wearing the clothes as humans , as people who want to have rich experiences and relationships . The clothes are not wearing us .

You have no obligation to wear X , y or Z , in whatever size it is . You have no obligation . This is , this is up to you . I want you to work on that perspective shift . I want you to take those tips . The consider yourself , arrange . The clothes are supposed to fit you , not the other way around . You're not supposed to fit into the clothes .

You're gonna find styles that you love , but you're gonna try lots of things and then you're gonna find people who raise you up , who are your hype squad and who will give you honest feedback . If that's what you're looking for , all right , I could really chat about this forever .

I do have to pick up my child from school , so thank you for listening , as always . If you want to talk about this or talk about anything else , or you have ideas for the podcast , you can reach out to me . I'm Betsy at be foster strong calm . That's my email , and then my Instagram , which I'm very good at DMing . Back at foster underscore strength .

You can reach me there . Do me a favor if this was helpful . You can choose to rate this podcast . You can choose to leave a review that would be delightful , or you can choose to just share it with somebody . The more people we can get feeling all the good stuff .

You know , applying these things to live our strongest life in our strongest body , the better off I feel like we all are . So I appreciate that you listen , I appreciate your time , your effort , your energy . Go , build your strongest body and until next time .