We've covered a number of episodes in the past that feed into this one, including Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys with Dr. Judy Chu (which focused on boys' understanding of masculinity in the preschool years), and Playing to Win with Dr. Hilary Levy Friedman (which looked at the lessons children learn from sports...which aren't really related to the sports themselves...). And of course there are the two episodes on patriarchy; the interview with Dr. Carol Gilligan , as well as my conversation w...
Jul 18, 2022•47 min
There are lots of books available now on how to talk with children about issues related to race, but Sarah W. Jaffe noticed a gap: there weren't any books geared toward non-academic audiences talking about how the choices that predominantly well-off, predominantly White parents make impact other people. From childcare choices to school to college, at every step of the way we make decisions that reflect Wanting What's Best for our own child, but very often these decisions are rooted in the fear o...
Jul 04, 2022•45 min
I've been wanting to do this episode for a loooong time. We covered episodes a long time ago on how children form social groups , and what happens when they exclude each other from play , but I wanted to do an episode exploring this issue related to slightly older girls, and from a cultural perspective. There are a lot of books and articles out there on the concept of mean girls and I wanted to understand more about that. Why are girls 'mean' to each other? Is it really a choice they're making.....
Jun 20, 2022•49 min
I read a lot of textbooks on parenting for my Master’s in Psychology (Child Development), I’ve read tens of thousands of peer-reviewed papers on the topic, and part of the reason it’s hard work is that you can’t ever take things at face value. In her now classic book Deconstructing Developmental Psychology, Dr. Erica Burman explodes a number of our ideas about child development by calling our attention to what’s really going on in an interaction, rather than what we think is going on. For exampl...
Jun 06, 2022•49 min
For the first time, in this episode I bow out and and let listeners Jenny and Emma take over, who wanted to share how they’ve been supporting each other over the last few months. They started from pretty different points: Emma wasn’t having parenting struggles, but often over-communicated with her husband and he would stonewall in response, agreeing to whatever she asked so she would stop talking. Then he would resist later, and she couldn’t understand why…because he had agreed, right? Jenny’s s...
May 19, 2022•40 min•Ep. 157
Adrianna and Tim had read all the parenting books. (And I mean ALL the books.) But NOTHING seemed to be working. They were still feeling frustrated with their kids on a very regular basis. And their kids were fighting what seemed like every second of the day. They joined the Parenting Membership last May, and the transformation our community has seen in them has been profound. The shift started after we had a consult about their youngest daughter’s difficult behavior, which we realized was a sig...
May 15, 2022•36 min•Ep. 156
Recently someone posted a question in one of my communities: “Is it really so wrong to want my child to just LISTEN to me sometimes? It seems like such a no-no in gentle parenting circles, and I’m worried that my child is growing up to be entitled and won’t know how to respect authority when they really HAVE to.” Parent Chrystal gave such a beautiful and eloquent response to this question that I asked her to come back on the show (her first visit was last year ) to talk us through how she approa...
May 01, 2022•49 min•Ep. 155
“On average, authoritative parents spanked just as much as the average of all other parents. Undoubtedly, some parents can be authoritative without using spanking but we have no evidence that all or even most parents can achieve authoritative parenting without an occasional spank.” I was fascinated by this statement, since authoritative parenting is the best style. We know it’s the best, right? I mean, everyone says it is. Including me and who was the co-author on this paper this statement comes...
Apr 24, 2022•52 min•Ep. 154
In her book Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home , Toko-pa Turner talks about the disconnection we feel from others, as well as from our own selves, because of the experiences we’ve had in our childhood. While Toko-pa’s childhood was traumatic by any definition, even those of us who didn’t experience severe trauma were told - either verbally or non-verbally: You’re not enough. You’re not good enough. Or even: You’re too much. And we shut off that part of us, whatever it was. Our sense of joy, o...
Apr 17, 2022•57 min•Ep. 153
I don’t know about you, but I spent a LOT of time thinking about my birth plan before Carys was born. I mean, that thing went through multiple iterations as I read new books about the birth process and thought about what I wanted mine to be like. And I got lucky; we didn’t stray too far from the plan (except that that whole ‘urge to push’ thing? Well I never felt that. It seemed like she was quite happy where she was. Perhaps that explains why she enjoys being wrapped in fluffy blankets so much?...
Apr 04, 2022•44 min
We've already covered a couple of episodes on sleep, including the cultural issues associated with sleep , then more recently we talked with Dr. Chris Winter about his book The Rested Child where we looked at sleep issues in older children. But if you have a young child who isn't sleeping well, from the baby stage all the way up to about preschool, this episode is for you! My guest is Macall Gordon, senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at Antioch University Seattle, and who has studie...
Mar 27, 2022•53 min
The band The Alphabet Rockers consists of lead members Kaitlin McGaw and Tommy Shepherd, and a multi-racial group of children who are also involved in writing and performing. They write about their real lived experiences and their desire to live in a world where everyone belongs. Kaitlin and Tommy are actually fellows at the Othering and Belonging Institute, run by Dr. jon powell, whose work I really respect and whom we interviewed in the episode on othering . They also do work in schools - in a...
Mar 20, 2022•39 min
This episode is a continuation of the series on the intersection of children and food. We've also heard from Dr. Lindo Bacon on busting myths about fat , Dr. Michael Goran on how sugar affects our children , Dr. Karen Throsby with a more high-level view on the sugar topic , and Ellyn Satter on her Division of Responsibility approach . My guest in this episode, Dr. Shiri Sadeh-Sharvit, co-author with Dr. James Lock of Parents with Eating Disorders: An Intervention Guide . The book is written for ...
Mar 06, 2022•51 min
One day Iris took her daughter to the park, with enough snacks with for both of them. When Iris got hungry, she asked her daughter to share some of the food - but her daughter refused. Iris knows that hunger is a factor that dramatically narrows her Window of Tolerance and makes it more likely that she’ll snap at her child’s behavior, so she asked again for food and again her daughter refused. Then out of nowhere a crow swooped down and tried to steal some of the food, causing the whole lot to f...
Feb 20, 2022•50 min
We’ve covered the topic of boundaries before, in our conversation with Xavier Dagba . In my work with parents, I see that an inability to set boundaries is a MAJOR cause of feeling triggered by our child’s behavior. When we snap at our child’s behavior, it often (not always, but often) comes somewhat later in the day. There’s a reason for that: it’s because we haven’t been able to set boundaries early in the day, so each time our child crosses where a boundary should have been, we get more and m...
Feb 13, 2022•50 min
"I was spanked and I turned out fine." How many times have you heard this defense of spanking children? But what does the research tell us about spanking effectiveness, child discipline, and long-term consequences? My guest, Professor Andrew Grogan-Kaylor from the University of Michigan, has extensively researched physical punishment and argues that spanking should be classified as an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) —a marker of severe trauma. When we examine spanking closely, we're discussin...
Feb 06, 2022•49 min•Ep. 148
When I interviewed Dr. Chris Winters last year, I described how we’ve been using a No Set Bedtime method with our daughter Carys. He used it with his children starting in the Elementary years, and his eyes nearly fell out of his head when I told him we’d been using it since Carys was about three. In the email about the Dr. Winters interview I asked any listeners who wanted to learn more about this method to be in touch, so in this episode we’ll meet listeners Katherine and Gila. Katherine’s daug...
Jan 30, 2022•59 min
In this episode we hear from parent Amy, who is a White parent married to a Black man raising four biracial children in Colorado. Amy has been on quite a journey to explore her role as a descendant of Puritans who came to the United States looking for religious freedom on her father’s side, and of Irish Catholics on her mother’s side. She sees how her parents were able to get advanced education and a loan to buy a house and start a business, and that from the outside they looked like a pretty ha...
Jan 23, 2022•1 hr 6 min
This episode continues our conversation on the topic of children and food. A few months ago we heard from Dr. Lindo Bacon about how the things we’ve learned about obesity might not actually be the whole story . Then we talked with Ellyn Satter about the approach she devised called Division of Responsibility , which holds the parent/caregiver responsible for the what, when, and where of eating and the child responsible for whether and how much. We followed that with a conversation with Dr. Michae...
Jan 09, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 147
“Storytelling? I’m already reading books to my child – isn’t that enough?” Your child DOES get a lot out of reading books (which is why we’ve done a several episodes on that already, including What children learn from reading books , How to read with your child , and Did you already miss the boat on teaching your toddler how to read? . But it turns out that storytelling benefits our relationship with our child in ways that reading books really can’t, because you’re looking at the book rather tha...
Jan 02, 2022•39 min
Way, waaay back in Episode 3 , we wondered whether we had missed the boat on teaching our babies to read (didn’t you teach your baby how to read?). We eventually decided that we hadn’t, but given that many parents have a goal of instilling a love of reading into their children, what’s the best way to go about doing that? And what if your child is the kind who wriggles out of your lap at the mere sight of a book? Our second-ever repeat guest, Dr. Laura Froyen, helps us to delve into the research ...
Dec 19, 2021•55 min
Today I join forces with Malaika Dower of the How to Get Away with Parenting podcast to interview Dr. Christia Brown, who is a Professor of Developmental and Social Psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies the development of gender identity and children’s experience of gender discrimination. Dr. Brown’s book, Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue (Affiliate link), helps parents to really understand the scientific research around gender differences in children, which is a harder task ...
Dec 05, 2021•51 min
“I spent the whole morning painting and doing origami and felting projects with my daughter – and not only did she not say “thank you,” but she refused to help clean up!” (I actually said this myself this morning:-)) “We took our son to Disneyland and went on every ride he wanted to go on except one, which was closed, and he spent the rest of the trip whining about how the whole trip was ruined because he didn’t get to go on that one ride.” (I hope I never have to say this one…I’m not sure I cou...
Nov 21, 2021•46 min
In just a few years, today’s children and teens will forge careers that look nothing like those that were available to their parents or grandparents. While the U.S. economy becomes ever more information-driven, our system of education seems stuck on the idea that “content is king,” neglecting other skills that 21st century citizens sorely need. Backed by the latest scientific evidence and illustrated with examples of what’s being done right in schools today, Becoming Brilliant (Affiliate link) i...
Nov 07, 2021•43 min
In this short episode I reflect on where we’ve been over the past year, my plans to slow down a bit at the end of the year (as well as a super exciting project I’m working on!), and what episodes we have lined up for the new year. In this episode I also mention something I haven’t done for a while, which is that it’s possible to donate to support the show. You might know that it takes 20-40 hours to do the research for each episode (although my record is about 80 hours for the show on Self-Reg ,...
Oct 31, 2021•18 min
In this episode we do something we haven’t done before - talk with podcast listeners who aren’t parents yet! Kellie and Jon are an amazing couple living in Tennessee. Kellie is a bit of a planner (by which I mean that during her Ph.D program Jon noticed Kellie was getting stressed about when they were going to have a baby, so she led them through a four-hour planning session factoring in the baby’s birth and ages at likely dates for her to enter post-doctoral programs and fellowships and landed ...
Oct 24, 2021•38 min
Sleep! It’s a topic that’s on pretty much every parent’s mind. We’ve already looked at this from a cultural perspective , where we learned our Western approach to sleep is by no means universal, and that this can result in quite a few of the problems we face in getting our children to sleep. In this episode we dive deep into the practicalities of sleep with Dr. Chris Winter, who has practiced sleep medicine and neurology since 2004. His first book, The Sleep Solution, Why Your Sleep Is Broken an...
Oct 17, 2021•1 hr 10 min
Sugar has a bad name these days - much like fat did back in the 1990s. "Research shows" that it's addictive...that it shrinks your brain...that it's likely to lead to all kinds of health problems. But will it really? I interviewed Dr. Michael Goran, author of the recent book Sugarproof: The Hidden Dangers of Sugar that are Putting Your Child’s Health at Risk and What You Can Do. This is a pretty alarming title, and I was interested to dig into the research behind the book as a continuation of ou...
Oct 03, 2021•53 min•Ep. 145
I hear from a lot of parents who are worried about their children’s learning. They tell me things like:“I want to encourage my child’s learning and creativity and confidence as a learner without solely focusing on literacy and numeracy.” “We’ve been in lockdown here in Melbourne for a very long time, with my older kids learning remotely, and I feel that a lot of the tasks they are given by their school are a bit … uninspiring. It’s so cool when there is something that really engages them and I’m...
Sep 19, 2021•52 min
Is your child gifted? Do you wonder if they're gifted but aren't quite sure? Do you want to know how to support your gifted child's learning in a way that doesn't pressure them or make them resist working with you? If so, this episode will help. I have to say, I wasn't sure where this one was going to end up. I was really uneasy about the concept of giftedness from the outset, perhaps because the way I had previously come into contact with it was through our conversation with Dr. Allison Roda , ...
Sep 11, 2021•58 min•Ep. 144
