You finally set the boundary and for about five seconds you felt proud of yourself. Then your parent pushed back and wished you could take it all back. When you have a parent with narcissistic or unmanaged borderline personality disorder, boundaries don't land the way you were taught they would. These types of parents are emotionally dysregulated, rely on you to manage their feelings, and read your boundary as a threat. It's why so many cycle breakers quietly decide boundaries just don't work fo...
Jun 02, 2026•14 min
That moment where your brain short circuits because your parent just looked you dead in the eye and insisted the situation you’re describing never happened at all. When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, gaslighting isn't just a buzzword you read about on Reddit. It's the ever present way your parent avoids taking responsibility for their actions. And it's why, as an adult, you can sit across from someone you love, know exactly what...
May 26, 2026•13 min
If you’re dealing with toxic in-laws and feeling unsupported by your partner, this episode is for you. Today we’re talking about one of the most requested topics I’ve avoided covering for a long time: navigating dysfunctional in-law relationships when you’ve married into a toxic family system. We’ll talk about why dealing with toxic in-laws is different from dealing with your own family dynamics, how family enmeshment can make it incredibly hard for your partner to recognize unhealthy behavior, ...
May 19, 2026•18 min
That heavy, drained, slightly nauseous feeling you've been carrying around since Sunday? You're not alone. If you grew up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day doesn't simply end when the day ends. The emotional hangover that follows can be just as heavy as the lead-up, and it can leave you replaying every interaction, every word, every moment you wish you'd handled differently. In this episode you'll learn: Why the days after Mother's Day are so har...
May 12, 2026•13 min
If you grew up with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you know what it's like to have a crystal clear picture of what patterns you don’t want to repeat. The problem is that picture doesn't come with instructions for what it actually requires to do things differently, and that gap is where so many cycle breakers get stuck in a painful loop of tolerating too much, hitting a wall, and drowning in shame. Whether you're a parent yourself, navigating your relationships,...
May 05, 2026•16 min
When you grow up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day hits different. The whole holiday is built on a story that doesn't match your reality, and it can feel like there’s no space for the reality you actually lived. Whether you're still in contact, low contact, no contact, or your mom has passed away, this day can bring up a complicated mix of feelings for adults who grew up with a mom who had borderline or narcissistic traits. In this episode you’ll...
Apr 28, 2026•23 min
In this episode, Torie breaks down why dysfunctional families are so resistant to change, what actually happens when you bring new boundaries and skills back into your family, and why the pushback you're experiencing is not a sign you’re doing things wrong. Listen to learn: What sets a healthy-ish family apart from a dysfunctional one Why your family's behavior can get worse when you start growing Why pushback is not a sign you're doing something wrong How to stop letting resistance talk you out...
Apr 22, 2026•22 min
In this episode, I walk you through: What patterns are common in narcissistic vs. borderline personality disorder Why the diagnosis itself isn’t what matters most What it feels like to grow up as a child dealing with a parent with these dynamics The key differences in behavior, motivation, and emotional impact Why these relationships feel so confusing, intense, and destabilizing We also talk about emotional volatility, lack of empathy, and why being emotionally vulnerable with these parents isn’...
Apr 14, 2026•34 min
If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, chances are no one ever showed you what being an emotionally healthy adult actually looks like. In this episode, I’m breaking down why healing feels so confusing, messy, and unclear and what you actually need in order to move forward. We’re talking about: Why “I don’t want to be like them” isn’t enough to create healthy change The skills cycle breakers were never taught growing up How dysfunctional family systems create blin...
Apr 07, 2026•18 min
When you grow up with an emotionally unpredictable or narcissistic parent, it’s easy to get stuck trying to figure out their intent especially when there were both good and painful moments. In this episode, we’re breaking down why that question keeps you stuck and what actually matters when it comes to healing and setting boundaries. Because the truth is, it’s not about whether they mean to hurt you. It’s about what they continue to do and how it impacts you. Show Notes: Get a free sneak peak in...
Apr 01, 2026•15 min
In this episode, I’m talking about why that happens and why “just feel your feelings” isn’t actually helpful for most people who grew up in chaotic or emotionally unpredictable family environments. When you grow up with a parent who lacks emotional regulation skills, you learn to analyze, anticipate, and problem-solve. Not because something is wrong with you, but because it helped you function in an environment that didn’t feel safe. In this episode, we’ll get into: -Why intellectualizing your e...
Mar 24, 2026•17 min
In this episode, we’re talking about: Why forgiveness is often misunderstood Why you don’t need to forgive your parent to heal How focusing on forgiveness can actually keep you stuck The difference between forgiveness and healing Why acceptance is what actually helps you move forward What “radical acceptance” looks like in real life Listen to learn more about the fallacy of forgiveness and what it actually takes to heal from growing up within a dysfunctional family system. The Cycle Breaker's Va...
Mar 17, 2026•25 min
In this episode, we’re going back to the basics and talking about why things like staying hydrated, eating enough, sleeping, and moving your body matter far more for your mental health than most people realize. We cover: • Why cycle breakers often disconnect from their own needs • How dysfunctional family dynamics train you to ignore your basic needs • The mental health impact of dehydration, hunger, and exhaustion • Why boundaries are often required just to take care of yourself • Simple ways t...
Mar 10, 2026•18 min
When you spend your childhood being misunderstood, projected onto, or told who you are instead of being seen for who you actually are, it makes sense that you carry that fear of being misunderstood into adulthood. In this episode, I talk about: • Why adult children of narcissistic parents often overexplain themselves • What it feels like to grow up being constantly misunderstood • Why this pattern tends to show up more when you’re overwhelmed or depleted • What real healing actually looks like w...
Mar 03, 2026•21 min
In this episode, we explore: Why guilt feels so overwhelming for adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents How dysfunctional family systems train you to equate guilt with being a bad person The difference between healthy guilt and manipulative guilt Why avoiding guilt keeps you stuck in the toxic cycle How to approach difficult decisions without avoiding or agreeing to things beyond your capacity Learning to sit with guilt instead of immediately jumping into avoidance or pr...
Feb 24, 2026•21 min
If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, you may have heard this when you started setting boundaries, going to therapy, or naming the dysfunction in your family. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy , we unpack: Why “walking on eggshells” is not the same thing in a parent-child relationship The lifelong power imbalance that doesn’t magically disappear when you turn 18 Why toxic parents often say this when you stop being compliant How this narrative twists reality an...
Feb 17, 2026•17 min
In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell breaks down common behaviors that toxic families often label as “normal,” but that are actually deeply damaging and abusive. We talk about why these dynamics are so confusing, why they impact you as deeply as they do, and why your reactions are not a personal flaw. You’ll learn: Why emotional and psychological abuse in families is often minimized or dismissed How power and control shape parent-child dynamics, even ...
Feb 10, 2026•19 min
In this episode of You're Not Crazy , I walk through the most common reasons boundaries fail with narcissistic, emotionally immature, and toxic parents. Not because you did it wrong, but because most people are taught a version of boundaries that doesn’t account for manipulation, emotional dysregulation, guilt, or the survival responses cycle breakers carry into adulthood. We talk about: -Why using the word “boundary” often backfires with toxic parents -What a boundary actually is (and why it’s ...
Feb 03, 2026•17 min
The gaslighting, denial, deflection, and rewriting of reality mirror the dynamics many adults grew up with in toxic or narcissistic family systems. Torie explains how ongoing trauma impacts emotional capacity, why trauma that is still happening cannot be healed (only coped with), and how the pressure to respond perfectly often leads to paralysis. For listeners who feel overwhelmed, stuck, and at a loss for how to move forward right now, this episode provides context, validation, and grounded per...
Jan 27, 2026•20 min
Most cycle breakers know exactly what they don’t want to repeat. But knowing what not to do is very different from knowing how to be an emotionally healthy adult, especially when emotional regulation, boundaries, and healthy relationships were never modeled for you. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we talk about why learning emotional health as a cycle breaker is often messy, uncomfortable, and filled with shame. We explore the fear of “becoming your parent,” the pressure to get it right imm...
Jan 20, 2026•21 min
Self-doubt is one of the most common and paralyzing struggles for cycle breakers. In this episode of the You’re Not Crazy Podcast, Torie explains why chronic self-doubt is not a personality flaw, but a trauma response rooted in long-term gaslighting and emotional invalidation. You’ll learn how growing up in a toxic family system trains you to distrust your own memories, emotions, and decisions, and why self-doubt often shows up most intensely when you start setting boundaries, becoming more asse...
Jan 13, 2026•19 min
This episode is about nuance. It’s about why labels like narcissistic personality disorder, borderline traits, or “toxic parent” can feel both clarifying and overwhelming, and why healing does not actually depend on getting a definitive diagnosis. I talk about: Why patterns of behavior matter more than labels How gaslighting, emotional volatility, shame, and walking on eggshells shape adult children Why many cycle breakers grow up in “two realities” with the same parent The grief, relief, anger,...
Jan 06, 2026•28 min
From navigating visibility as a therapist talking openly about toxic family systems, to setting boundaries around social media, content creation, and emotional labor, this episode is a grounded, honest look at what it actually takes to do this work sustainably as a cycle breaker. Torie shares why she’s recommitting to the podcast, simplifying where her energy goes, and being more intentional about how and where she shows up. She also talks candidly about burnout, backlash, self doubt, and what i...
Dec 31, 2025•39 min
If you’re breaking toxic cycles in a family marked by emotional immaturity, narcissism, or borderline traits, there’s something we don’t talk about enough: the profound loneliness that can come with healing. You’re not just setting boundaries—you’re stepping out of the role your family expected you to play. Maybe you were the peacekeeper, the fixer, the golden child, or the scapegoat. But once you stop playing by the unspoken rules, the system fights to pull you back in. What hurts the most is r...
Jun 24, 2025•16 min•Ep. 52
Healing isn’t linear—especially when you’re the cycle breaker. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy , I’m pulling back the curtain on what real, sustainable healing looks like when you grew up with emotionally immature, narcissistic, or borderline parents. I share how becoming a therapist over a decade ago didn’t free me from my dysfunctional patterns—it magnified them. I was the classic parentified child turned overwhelmed helper: running myself into the ground trying to "fix" everything and hel...
Jun 17, 2025•40 min•Ep. 51
Cycle breakers are often raised to believe that honesty = full disclosure and transparency… even when the other person has a history of weaponizing that honesty against them. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy , we’re digging into the messy middle between brutal honesty and self-abandonment—especially when it comes to dealing with parents who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). So many of us value being open and real because we didn’t get that ...
Jun 10, 2025•16 min•Ep. 50
Let’s talk about the real work of breaking dysfunctional family cycles. If you're the adult child of a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you probably know the drill: chaos explodes, you search frantically for tools to survive it… and then once things settle down, you convince yourself it's “not that bad.” Sound familiar? This episode is your reminder that healing isn’t just something you do in a crisis. In fact, the most transformative progress happens between the chao...
May 27, 2025•26 min•Ep. 48
Surviving (not thriving) Mother's Day weekend is what we're celebrating this week. Breaking cycles isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your commitment to healing, despite few healthy examples, is powerful. Be gentle with yourself; your journey of growth deserves compassion, not criticism. Next we’re calling out the toxic phrases that gaslight, invalidate, and harm adult children of parents with BPD or NPD. You've probably heard, "But they're your parents, you should forgive them," or "Wh...
May 13, 2025•19 min•Ep. 46
Welcome to You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders . Hosted by therapist and coach Torie Wiksell, this podcast is dedicated to those who have grown up trying to navigate the complicated and challenging realities of having a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. In this first episode, Torie introduces herself, share a bit about her background and experience, and tells you what you can expect from t...
Jul 27, 2024•2 min
