105 | Haunted Into Empathy

Last night , alyssa asked me something that has been living rent-free in my head and I now must release it .

Ooh , an exciting moment , Would you say . She popped the question .

Oh my God , the wedding's in June . Now , what she asked me were those words that every guy wants to hear . Oh yeah , what would be the best and worst movies to recreate in the Rankin-Bask claymation Christmas style ? Huh yeah , that's , that's there it is .

Oh , oh , yes , Of course , you , you know that classic question fantasy . Uh , okay , okay . So best and worst , um , okay , so you're talking .

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer claymation style here without a santa claus . Santa santa is coming to town absolutely . Like what movies would be the best and worst to see done in that style ?

Okay , all right . Well , I feel like kids' movies in general automatically rise to the top of the best .

Oh sure , but if we want to be dramatic .

are we looking for like adult movie , adult motion picture ? Now , when you say adult , you know what I mean .

Oh okay , talking about pornography ? No , but like a film , yeah .

Oh , instead of saying oh , I don't know Shrek as a claim . Actually , that's pretty banging .

Yeah , shrek would make a banger Okay instead of like Frozen . Yeah , shipwreck would make a banger Okay instead of Frozen .

I could take Frozen , okay , so instead of Frozen , something more like Leon the . Professional .

Now you understand Leon the Professional in claymation style Could be great , just a little claymation style could be great just I'll tell you a little little little , uh , uh , claymation everyone I'll put my own , my own thing , out there .

I think I'd kill myself uh okay , let's pepper in some worse oh yeah , let's just get it out of the way right now . Schindler's list . I thank you .

That was that was the first answer .

I was like , oh worse , schindler's list it's , it's immediately , does not is the worst .

Yeah , immediately oh man , um , oh , fucking , uh . You know what might become more palpable ?

um requiem for a dream requiem is a of a dream .

Yes , that would be bad parts of that movie actually might be more palatable in clay um saw , saw , saw , saw kind of loses some oomph .

It loses a little oomph . But you know you gotta make all that blood In Claymation as well . Oh , poor Gumby . Um the . I don't know why I cast Gumby In . I just assumed the Carrie Uluwuz role .

Oh man , okay . Okay , it's Saw , but it's Gumby and pokey uh that's pretty great .

Yeah uh , princess bride , claymation could be fun princess bride .

Claymation could slap . Maybe we ?

should stick to one category first , like let's think of some bests . Okay , some bests . Kill bill . Yeah , kill bill could be fun . Bill would rule and kill bill would be a good time . I'm seeing some scenes from the big lebowski translate oh , that would be amazing that that'd be pretty dope big lebowski . Okay , what if we took one of the muppets movies ?

and did it how meta and did it claim oh my god , that's pretty meta , isn't it ? Yeah , yeah , uh , fucking . Muppet treasure island and claymation , yes , yes , are we counting , like the dark crystal in this ? Sure ?

why not labyrinth ?

labyrinth .

Claymation would be dope what about something like a um not evil dead . What's ? What am I trying ?

army of darkness no army of darkness . Claymation is it's practically already a claymation movie . Dead alive is dead alive also known as brain dead .

Uh , one of the best , worst movies ever made by Peter Jackson .

Oh , my God Matt .

Yes .

It's also a Christmas movie . It's one of our favorite Christmas movies Jingle All the Way . Jingle All the Way is good .

That would be a fun fucking time .

That would be a grand old time .

If we're keeping it , is that the secret ? Do we have to keep it Christmas adjacent ? Do we , for the purpose of this , keep it to Christmas movies . In that case , what about the Santa Claus Ooh ?

the Santa Claus would . All the Santa Claus is basically already there . It's just got to be Claymation that I think could be you like how I ? Said that like oh yeah , it's basically already there , you just have to do all the most laborious , time intensive , yes , important part .

If we're keeping it to christmas , I think that's a good pick yeah , I , I'd agree with that and similarly , if we're keeping it to christmas , what rises to the top for me , say , is it's a wonderful life it's oh man for bad for for the bad , for the worst low-key love that .

How about can I hit you with christmas ?

shoes . Of course that's got to be in the conversation .

Uh , christmas prince , oh , christmas prince yeah , because I feel like it takes that would just that would truly just be bad like it would be awful because it gets rid of all the reasons . Anyone is watching it , which is the beautiful , beautiful actors well , it's just , yeah , it's just .

It wouldn't be entertaining to watch in claymation . You know , like , yeah is what I'm thinking . Yeah , so what would be well , in a way , I guess that is the worst , it's just not funny .

Yeah , it loses its redeeming qualities , which are the beautiful people that have been cast in that movie .

Yes , yes . What other Christmas movies need to ? Be Miracle on 34th Street , but I feel like that would be good .

Bro , I've got a new contender for best .

Oh , for best , for best okay die hard die hard . I think's a candidate for worse die hard , amazing claymation .

Are you kidding me ?

I don't know . I don't know that I agree little , little clay hans gruba I don't know that I agree go splat well , okay , there is something about seeing him splat in claymation .

Yeah , the claymation violence would sell it so hard for me .

Okay , well , all right , if we slot that in there .

Like a little clay Bruce Willis crawling through broken glass .

Yes , with just little red streaks on his little feet .

And you know , like fucking oh , who's the guy who plays the cop on the outside ? Uh , something wilson car .

Oh great , you didn't hear about this .

No .

It was huge news , dude . Allegedly there's a sex tape of Diddy having sex with Reginald Val Johnson .

Dude , this is the weirdest fucking timeline . Yeah , matt's eyes just did the Rankin-Bass claymation like spinning in their sockets and like , oh , that's crazy talk .

Yeah , I was just trying to find something to rescue the end of this cold open . Is what I was trying to do , really Just trying to rope in some joke somewhere .

Looking for the first exit off that bit highway , exact amount .

And oh , what is this ? It looks like it's coming up right here , oh , opening V . Let me just take a big veer to the right . Well , hello everybody and Merry Christmas . This is you Didn't Ask For this the podcast answering life's least pressing questions .

We are .

Yes , so we are again . Time ever becoming more of an illusion . We are , yes , so we are back . We're going to jump right in and , eric , we're going to do something a little different this time . Oh my .

God yeah . So normally we do a definitive ranking or at least we have Something Christmas related . We've done the reindeer .

We've done the reindeer . We've done the 12 days of Christmas . We've done the reindeer . We've done the reindeer , we've done the 12 days of Christmas . We've done the island of misfit toys . This year we were thinking of doing another one , but we were doing a little twist oh , that was .

I don't know if you were going for that for that joke , but it's very layered joke . Is twist going for that for that joke ? But it's very layered joke because twist , oliver twist , written by charles dickens , who also wrote a christmas carol , which brings us to the topic of today's ranking , ebenezer scrooges ebenezer scrooges .

You know him , you love him , also hate him . Yeah , famous villain turned human being , turned bare minimum of deced .

We're gonna be ranking these scrooges as portrayed by various actors , characters . What have you every so much ever ? If you're wondering , like is ken so and so everything's on the table , we we put out a poll for people's favorite Scrooges .

A little last minute Some people did respond . Of course , we also asked the discord go to patrioncom , so she didn't ask for this to join our Patreon and our discord . We asked our loyalists , the you daft , loyalists , the you daft giants to weigh in Daft loyalists .

Get on the right side of history .

Hey , January 20th is coming up , man , so we got to get our party in order so the survivors can find each other . Now , the Anything that was suggested we've put in . But instead of just doing a definitive ranking , we decided to do something a little bit different .

We will be ranking them on deadliness okay , we're gonna .

What we did is we put them in a bracket . Battle royale , baby .

Put them in a battle royale battle royale the , the , the bah hum rumble , the bah hum bug bracket , the bah hum bug bracket . That it's the bah hum bug bracket , yep , the .

Bah Hum , rumble , the Bah Hum .

Bug Bracket .

The Bah Hum Bug Bracket . That is the Bah Hum Bug Bracket . Yep , that's what we're doing , and so we did a halfsies of the March Madness style bracket . We got 32 different Scrooges for you here . Some of them you know , some of them , you love . Some of them . You're going to be like what the fuck ? I had no idea they played Scrooges for you here .

Scrooge Correct . Neither did we .

Neither did we until we went to the Ebenezer Scrooge wiki page and jotted their names down . All right , so let's jump right in . So what we've done for this initial seeding is we've gone opposite sides chronologically Of the time-space continuum .

So , earliest Scrooges versus the newest Scrooges , new blood versus old guard .

And then they sort of meet in the middle , at the end of the bracket . So let us begin with Richard John Smith . Now , Richard John Smith Eric , I had to educate myself was the very first actor to portray Ebenezer Scrooge period .

With the Chucky Dix seal of approval .

Why do you got to do this , Eric ?

Do what , do what ? Evolve the language , chucky .

Oh I'm sorry , create culture .

Chucky Dix is evolving the language , chucky Dix is so avant-garde and up here he goes up against luke evans luke evans , who uh portrayed bard in the hobbit trilogy .

Okay , yes also ebenezer scrooge in scrooge a christmas carol . The animated musical on I believe , believe Netflix came out in 2022 . So that's what we've got up first . That's our first bracket . Eric , weigh in please . Who do you think ? Advances ?

I think it's got to be RJS .

Okay , so you think it's RJS .

I think it's RJS , because I'm looking at his wiki page .

Yes .

Also worth noting . Not only was he the first to play Ebenezer Scrooge , he was among the first to play Frankenstein's monster on stage . So this dude is huge .

This dude is big A certified legend , yeah , a certified legend , and so I think it's only right for the first portrayer of Ebenezer Scrooge to at least make it to the next round .

Oh , absolutely . He's got that Victorian era hardiness to him .

These people were putting lead in everything Speaking of which that brings us to our next bracket candidate , which is one of the greatest actors of all time , Lionel Barrymore , from the world-famous Barrymore family , of course . Now Barrymore portrayed Ebenezer Scrooge sort of off and on in A Christmas Carol , an annual radio broadcast between 1934 and 1953 .

We can't afford to have Charles Dickens sorry , chucky Dick's annual ghost story . We have to ration it for the war effort .

And when , looking this up earlier , I did learn that there were two years in which he was substituted , one by his very famous brother , john Barrymore , and once by none other than Orson Welles . So this absolute powerhouse .

I think that says something , but I think this also says something . I think Will Ferrell's got reach . I think he says something . I think that says something , but I think this also says something . I think Will Ferrell's got reach . I think he's got reach on Lionel Barrymore . This is a battle .

This is a battle , and what we can say about these two is we can see Will Ferrell's portrayal . We can only hear and imagine the portrayal of Lionel Barrymore .

Yeah yeah , lionel Barrymore might have that voice on lock , but Will Ferrell's bringing physicality to the role , that I just don't , I don't know , do we give it ?

I think we give it to Will Ferrell I think Will Ferrell takes it .

He's got the the that reach is going to carry Will Ferrell through these brackets .

Absolutely .

Now that brings us to uh alistair sim alistair sim who is , in case anyone was curious , the best portrayal of ebenezer scrooge , now alistair sim is actually on this bracket twice now .

This first one is from the 1951 film scrooge , as it was released in across the pond there , or just plain old A Christmas Carol here in the United States . So Scrooge slash A Christmas Carol . He will appear in just a minute again in the 1971 animated A Christmas Carol , so he'll be back .

If you look at I need to find the picture of alistair sim , but it's like him like fucking like 1920s , like he looks like a hard-boiled detective yes , yeah , like , or a divorced dad or a divorced dad , both of whom have nothing to lose .

Oh , I don't know that that's true about the divorced dad . Nothing more to lose . Sorry , that's that word I think they have one thing to lose ? Yep they have one thing left to lose , and that's custody , and so , so he's gonna be fighting like a that .

But that's what I'm getting at is alistair sim is gonna be fighting like a man who's trying to like , look strong for his children . Guy pierce cannot come up against that , sure . Sure , because who's gonna to look strong for his children ? Guy Pearce cannot come up against that , sure .

Sure , because who's going to divorce Guy Pearce ? He will ruin Guy Pearce . Has Guy Pearce been divorced ?

Nobody's divorcing Guy Pearce . Look at him , he's gorgeous . Alistair Simm he's hard-boiled . He's hard-boiled .

He's a chestnut , he's a hard man and that's what you want out of his . That's what you want out of a Scrooge . And also Kate Mestitz , mestitz . Kate Mestitz , m-e-s-t-i-t-z .

Mestitz , it's the emphasis on the tits .

Kate .

Mestitz . See you gotta , you could Mestitz .

That is the answer to the question of who would divorce Guy Pearce . She did so in 2015 .

Damn .

Okay , so there's your answer to that , it's Alistair . Sim , it's Alistair . Sim , it's Alistair , sim .

Thank you .

Okay , so now coming up next we have Jim Backus as Mr Magoo , as Ebenezer Scrooge , as Ebenezer Scrooge in Mr Magoo's Christmas Carol , released in 1962 .

So we've got another To give you an idea of how far we reached we , and by we I mean Matt . The bucket is deep friends .

It is the bucket for people who have played Sprooge is deep .

So , matt , I'm not going to lie . I have an impulse , I have like an instant eric , I think you better tell me what it is . Dog , it's mr magoo , man has plot , armor it's got , he's got that nearsightedness plot armor that , just like that . That grouchy smurf I don't think is going to be able to step to . He's also got again reach .

Yeah , I I completely agree with you . Well , why don't we cut the bullshit and just give it to mr magoo right now ? Jim backus is mr magoo , you're my goddamn right . Okay , now our next , our next one , eric , is a pretty heavyweight bracket . Uh , I'm not gonna lie . I'm looking at names .

Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the Five .

Clans . No , it is Sir Michael Gambon . It says it right there .

Okay , so Michael has Albert Finney absolute powerhouse .

Absolute powerhouse .

Michael Gambon has the might of the British Empire behind him , might of the .

British Empire . Behind him he's first of all Albert Finney is . His resume speaks for itself , but so does Michael Gambon's .

I'll also point out I've seen this episode of Doctor who . It's wild . He also has the power of a Time Lord on his side .

And I have not seen Albert Finney's Scrooge , I will admit .

I think this goes to Gambit .

I think this goes to Gambit , because who are we to deny Dumbledore ?

I truly JK Rowling might suck a whole bunch of dog shit .

Let's not get into the whole JK Rowling situation .

Not on Christmas , not on Christmas , not on Christmas . What did I say ?

It's Michael Gambit , it's Michael Gambon , it's Michael Gambon . Now , all right , so that brings us to Alistair Sim . He's back , he's back .

He's back , but this time he's animated . He's back .

He's a cartoon . He's a cartoon and that is , of course , from the animated film A Christmas Carol from 1971 . And he will be going up against Catherine .

Tate , Eric Catherine Tate as Nan Famous British comedian , famous Doctor who companion .

Yes , also was a cast member of the Office for the last two seasons . Yes , in 2009, . This is nan's christmas carol . She played nan playing scrooge in uh in nan's christmas carol 2009 versus uh , alistair sim again . I think this might be alistair sim again , though , eric I , so here's so here's .

here's where I'm at . Alistair Sim animated does have cartoonish physics on his side . True , he is actually old .

Yes .

Catherine .

Tate is not .

Catherine Tate is not . Catherine Tate is also fierce , like Catherine . Tate is someone you could not pay me to fight . I feel like she could kick my ass any day of the week . Yeah , and let's not forget .

This is actually 20 years after Alistair Simms' other portrayal .

And he was old then .

He was old then , so no wonder he's only doing the voice now . Yeah , so I think if we're keeping this to a combat bracket , I think Nan is going to win this .

I think even assuming we're like we're treating katherine tate as like that age of her character , I think she still kicks the shit out of alistair sim .

Okay , now that brings us to a very interesting next bracket , which is marcel marceau from 1973 , the world famous mime yep . Marcel marceau versus and I didn't know this until I was putting this together matthew mcconaughey as connor dutch mead in ghosts of girlfriends , past from 2009 , do you ?

know what you gotta . You gotta look out for , for that backhand on McConaughey . He got a lot of power Because when he fights it's all rights , all rights , all rights . He just throws them . Very good , eric . Very good .

Now , I didn't know Ghosts of Girlfriends passed . I did not know that it was adapted from A Christmas Carol . That is by itself hysterical to me , but I do like the image of Marcel Marceau in a fight period . I think he's getting his ass kicked by McConaughey .

So yeah , marcel Marceau is bringing a lot . He's got a lot of mime trickery in in the 100 in the pocket . But then you have matthew mcconaughey who's like , uh , like a welterweight , just fucking like . I've seen matthew mcconaug we all have . I think he's taking this one .

He's taking this one . I'm putting him up there as Connor Dutchmead . Now our next bracket Eric , we've got Walter Matthau versus . Jim Carrey . Walter Matthau played him in the Stingiest man in Town in 1978 .

uh , so I'll say this Walter Maddow legend , of course , but also subscribes to the Babe Ruth school of fitness , which is he looks like . He subsists purely on scotch and eating cigars .

I mean sure he's a very tall , lanky man . He's not stocky like Babe Ruth , if that's what you're getting at . No , like the jowl region of the face . Yes , he is a jowly man , possibly the jowliest man who ever lived truly .

Uh , jim carrey is a wild card . He's . Jim carrey is a wild card .

He , I , I , I and I think that can't be discounted I think his animated version in particular has a level of energy yes , that will will beget to violence .

He , he's a , he's like that . He's a real sinewy scrooge like that like that , like the kind you don't want to fight because , like you're not , you just keep bouncing back up .

I think I hate to . It feels disrespectful disrespectful for Walter Matthau to lose in the first round , but I do think Jim Carrey's version takes it . I think Carrey takes it . I think Carrey takes it . Now that'll bring us on down to our next grouping . That's Henry Winkler as Benedict Slade in an American Christmas Carol from 1979 , versus Jonathan Winters .

What was their first choice ? Their first choice was Sir , their person their first choice .

Their first choice was sir michael k who . Uh who , we don't worry he's currently warming up .

He's getting he's , he's , he's in the , he's in the bullpen , he's in the bullpen he's warming up , he knows he knows what's coming .

Yeah , he knows he's got a fight coming up , so don't worry , we're getting to him . Uh , but uh , jonathan winter's christmas carol was somewhat more than just 2004 . It seems like it was a long running series of him playing scrooge . I had to look all this up and he's going against the fums . Yes , in 1978 .

So henry winkler , still somewhat young , here , okay so , yeah , this is what is because , like jonathan winters , looks like the kind of guy like , looks slow , but it looks like he only needs to make one , like he only one of his hits need to connect , yeah , to completely body you yeah , like if jake paul and mike tyson actually fought .

This is . This is the one punch from tyson that would have ended it winkler scrooge looks very frail , are you looking him up ? They , they did so much work to make him old when he was not yeah , he looks so old , but the thing is , he's not .

So under the hood that is like a V8 , Fonz .

Let's just do this real quick .

Haunting the Winkler Scrooge Okay .

Eric . Yeah , eric , give it to me , my calculations are correct . Henry Winkler portrayed Scrooge at age 34 in this film . Ooh , so he was heavily , heavily made up . Oh yeah , henry Winkler is 79 now .

And live in his best life .

I mean mean truly , barry was an incredible show .

So so this is so . This is where I'm torn . So henry winkler is definitely going to have youth going for him . Secret youth , secret youth . He's got the secret font of youth within his bones but he is technically playing benedict slade , he's playing benedict slade it's an adaptation .

Winters looks like he's been in fights . I think winters takes this and and I'm happy to give it to him yeah , I think this will be .

I think this will go very much the mountain versus the sand , like the the sand viper the viper versus the mountain . Yes , this is how this could go , yeah .

Now up next we have Mel Blanc , specifically as Yosemite Sam in A Bug's Bunny Christmas Carol also from 1979 , versus Kelsey Grammer in a made-for-TV musical version of A Christmas Carol that came out in 2004 . You know , obviously I've got a little bit of Frasier bias .

You got a little Frasier bias . Yosemite Sam's gots a gun .

He's got guns , but you know , so does Kelsey Grammer .

if we're being honest , yeah , what Kelsey Grammer does ? He have firearms .

Kelsey Grammer , the gigantic raging republican . Yes , I'm sure he has firearms oh , he's probably got fire .

Yeah , but like in terms of this kelsey grammar , as scrooge brought a cane to a gunfight he did and and a hell of a scowl oh , my god , one god , one hell of a scowl .

I do think yosemite sam it's gonna be that scene from indiana jones where you've got the sword dancer doing his big old trickery and then indy just fucking caps him . Yep , and I think that's what's happening here . I think it's Yosemite Sam specifically .

Yes , yosemite , sam takes it Yosemite .

Scrooge , yosemite Scrooge . Here's where we get interesting Eric . Next up we have Carol Spinney as Oscar the Grouch from A Special Sesame Street Christmas in both 1979 and 2006 .

Who the fuck else are you going to get to play Scrooge ?

I mean truly .

In your Sesame Street adaptation .

Versus Vanessa Williams from A Diva's Christmas Carol in 2000 . I mean there's going to be some serious blows thrown from Vanessa Williams and Oscar . The Grouch is technically stuck in a trash can .

He has the trash can armor has the trash can armor . Yeah , he can retreat into that like a hermit crab . That's going to give him some significant advantage Vanessa is going to have cannot stress this enough reach is going to have cannot stress this enough reach .

But we know the rage that boils inside of oscar he .

There will be something unlocked within him . Yes , and it don't get truly .

I mean , when you're talking about Scrooge , you're talking about one of the grouchiest people . Who better to portray him than Oscar the grouch ? That is so fucking true , it's going to be Oscar , my guy .

I think Oscar the grouch takes . I think Oscar is going to go far . I think Oscar .

I think we've got to give it to oscar over vanessa . I know we're doing combat , I know we're doing who's gonna win in the fight and I think that's questionable . But we got to give something to who is the better scrooge , and there's no way vanessa williams is a better scrooge than oscar the grouch no , she's especially in her portrayal in a diva's Christmas .

It's definitely like a much more like cold and callous kind of Scrooge energy she's bringing . But Oscar has that raw . You know he's going to Ebenezer all over my Scrooge .

I believe you are correct and for that reason , carol Spinney , as Oscar the Grouch moves on Yep . Next up , alan Young , who portrayed Scrooge McDuck . There he is , folks . If you were worried . He's here Specifically in Mickey's Christmas Carol in 1983 , versus and this is a big one Patrick Stewart from Christmas Carol in 1999 .

Oh , I mean , like truly , you have two behemoths of Christmas Carol culture .

It's true , scrooge McDuck , one of the most recognizable Scrooges of all time in and outside of a Christmas Carol universe , yes , but so is Patrick Stewart . I mean , that was a big adaptation when we were growing up , I think . Oh yeah , it was for me anyway .

Patrick Stewart is going to have his training with the Royal Shakespeare Company . He has experience with Rapier and Dagger . He has this very strong foundation of character development . He will truly embody Scrooge , scrooge , but Scrooge McDuck .

we cannot discount his fitness routine , which includes swimming through solid gold coins , and he can have endless bags of those gold coins that he can then use as a weapon . The finite .

Scrooge , scrooge McDuck is , of everyone on this roster , the wealthiest of the Scrooges .

I think that's true . He has a water tower full of money .

I think Forbes ranked him as the wealthiest fictional character , maybe second only to Richie Rich .

I think let's fucking give it to fucking Scrooge McDuck .

I'm sorry .

Sir Patrick Stewart . Sir Patrick this guts me . It guts me . You're one of my nostalgic Scrooges that I would watch on TNT , yeah , for years on end , but you have been eliminated Scrooge .

McDuckin and Weaven all over Patrick Stewart .

Absolutely Now . Next we have George C Scott from the 1984 version of A Christmas Carol versus Jack Palance . Verse from Ebenezer , a made for TV movie Western from 1997 , because of course it was for Jack Palance . George C Scott was also submitted to us as someone's runner-up , so I have to say this is a bit of a bro-y matchup .

I'm on his wikipedia page right now . Yeah , I'm . I'm taking the time to do my research and educate myself , you do know who george c scott is , though right yes , dog . Yes , I know george c scott name a movie oh , dude , don't do this to me not during the christmas episode name the film uh , I'm gonna name .

he might have been .

Let me check I I I was you getting ready to talk so much shit patent .

Patton , Dr Strange love . Like you could have just gone on and on Cause every time I see , I picture his face , I see it . Yes , you are correct .

Oh , was he in 12 Angry Men ? No Damn , I was so ready to get tell you go fuck yourself on our Christmas episode . Oh , he was in Rescuers Down Under , was he ? Oh was he . Was he the bad guy ? Yeah , he played the fucking evil Australian poacher in Rescuers Down Under . That is the entire touchstone of George C Scott to my childhood .

Oh , Eric , George C Scott was in 12 Angry Men .

Oh , matt , merry Christmas , go fuck yourself .

The 1997 made forfor-TV movie .

And that's the one I watched , that one . Cut your dick off , eric . Go , fuck yourself , matthew .

I love you . No , you don't get to tell me to go fuck myself .

I was right , you are spinning .

No , you're not right , Debra . Did you eat my eggs ?

Do you know ? That's a quote from Rescuers Down Under by George C Scott . I can quote George C Scott . Can you Give me a George C Scott quote right now ? That's what I fucking thought .

I hate you .

I love you .

All right , all right , we'll leave it at that . Jack Palance versus .

George C Scott .

I think Georgieie c takes it I was gonna say I don't particularly care for either one of these portrayals , so let's just give it to georgie scott they , they step into the arena , they have a quick chat , they , they , they , they share a cigarette .

And then george is like I'll take it . So that's that .

Next we have a true heavyweight of the 80s .

This is huge Matchup .

We have Bill Murray as Frank Cross in Scrooged 1988 versus Tim Curry , an animated musical adaptation of A Christmas Carol from 1997 . Yep Now .

I don't know .

I don't know about this , Eric , you there boy what day is this ? Was that your , tim Curry ?

That was an attempt .

Nice .

So the Bill Murray , I mean , he's not a Scrooge , he's a frank cross .

Technically , that's true , he's frank cross , but he is , he is spiritually , he's spiritually purposes the scrooge of the film 100 , even though there is a scrooge in the film within a film I'll say this bill murray spends most of that movie getting his ass kicked by other people .

Tim Curry , tim Curry , don't take nothing from nobody .

You know what ? I thought Bill Murray would really go far in here , but he does get it . You make a good point . He gets his ass kicked , that whole film far in here , but he does get it .

You make a good point , he gets his ass kicked . That whole film , bill murray , could go , could go far , but frank cross doesn't make it out the first bracket no , I eric sadly .

I think you're right . I say sadly so I think it is tim curry , love it . I think we just go with . First big upset is of the bracket . I think yeah , and I think people are going to have feelings about that .

Murray got curried Murray got curried , there you go .

Didn't even put that together . Next we have from the Blackadder's Christmas Carol in 1988 , it's Rowan Atkinson as Ebenezer Blackadder versus Cecily Tyson as Ebonita Scrooge in Ms Scrooge from 1997 , a film I only heard of when I put it on this bracket .

So a couple things Okay . One , rowan Atkinson .

Mr .

Bean the Blackadder .

Mm-hmm . Rowan Atkinson . Mr .

Bean the Black Adder . The Black Adder , a character usually defined by constantly being foiled .

Yes .

None of his plans come to fruition . He notably , you know , dies every generation and is reincarnated , correct .

Again dies every generation and is reincarnated . Correct again . Cecily tyson , similar to to tim curry , takes no shit from no one no shit from no one , not no way , not no how I think it might be a benita scrooge I think ebonyta scrooge takes it all right now , eric , let's just get this one out of the way .

I'm most familiar with susan lucci from all my children of course , as always , we all are as we all are . That was my mom's soap opera growing up . But this is amazing . I'm so glad she's here , so Michael Caine takes it .

It's Michael Caine . We don't need to waste any time with this , Michael Caine . Michael Caine's Scrooge in a Muppet Christmas Carol could have at any moment turn around and slit the throat of Gonzo . Yes .

Yeah , also , it just just here's here , this is just me , I'm . I'm like sir michael cain . If , if it weren't for the existence of alistair , sim would be my favorite scrooge , because everyone else in a muppet christmas carol was in a muppet movie . So michael kai , yeah , was just going balls to the wall .

It's a muppet , christmas , carol , it's fun , it's light . Have some fun with it .

Michael cain , I'm going to play this as serious as a heart attack he also has yes , yes , he also has one of my favorite moments in that entire movie , which is with one point where Sir Michael Caine picks up a Muppet and throws him at another Muppet . It is .

Michael Caine is boiling with violence in that film .

Yes , he is always two steps away from murdering everyone in the room .

Should we instead then , eric , work our way back up like just snake it ? Yes , so michael cain is now reversing cecily tyson . Eric , I don't think we got to waste time here either uh , sir michael cain it's michael cain , ebony scrooge .

because curry is not only tough , he's wily , he's wily , unpredictable at times unpredictable , I think . I think curry brings a conniving nature to the that's a good word I think george c scott would want to do this like a , like a fisticuffs kind of thing , but tim curry is gonna be like pocket sand I think you're right , I think he can .

He he's not afraid to fight a little underhandedly no , goodness , no , I think it's tim curry .

If tim curry's laughing , you should be running eric that's a great way , and he's oh , he's always laughing , that crazy son of a bitch .

That brings us to the uh classic matchup of carol spinney as oscar the grouch versus alan young as scrooge mcduck how okay .

So I think this goes to scrooge classic foil , the clash of titans . I do think this goes to scrooge McDuck Again . Money is a superpower . He could afford to buy Sesame Street and have it bulldozed over . Oh , that's so dark In an ultimate which tell me a less Ebeneezer Scrooge moment , like a pre-Change of Hearts .

Scrooge moment hey , you're not wrong moment . Hey , then buying sesame street and bulldozing it all right , I'm fine with giving it to scrooge mcduck and one-on-one . I think he would just take his money bags and rattle that . Uh , that trash can . Yeah . So I think we can move on to jonathan winters versus yosemite sam , as portrayed by mel blanc .

Oh now , this is tough this is tough , mel blanc , as yosemite scrooge . Still got gun . Yes , still got gun , still got gun , but is dumb . He's dumb and here's what I think undoes him him pulling doing the indiana jones pulling out the gun . Blam , he has to stick to looney tunes , rules of of engagement and and comedy .

I think jonathan winters has more fight in him than than just relying on his guns . I think once yosemite sam hits the bang flag , he's out of tricks , as you put it yeah , he's just and jonathan winters is just upon him and jonathan winters .

Just , they just legalized the 12-6 elbow and ufc and I think that's what he's dropping on yosemite scrooge eric , I'm sorry .

Did you just reveal that you watch ufc , of all sports ?

no , I have several friends who do and I like learning things great okay , great .

So jonathan winters and his whatever elbow I will be chilling in discord .

They'll be watching ufc . I'll be playing video games . Okay , and asking about terminology and what a life you live , eric .

Yeah , okay . Next up is matthew mcconaughey as connor . Dutch mead versus is Jim Carrey . Now Jim Carrey is 3D , as we know .

Jim Carrey is 3D and has much more . I would say raw magic . He has the special effects department on his side , the raw kinetic energy of it .

Yeah , I think that will best . Mcconaughey , I do think so . I don't think that no amount of Texan strength is going to best Jim Carrey's animated form . No . So there it goes . It's Jim Carrey , but .

I'll say this McConaughey will be the most gracious loser , oh yeah . He'll take it like a boss , him and Jim will be getting drinks after this 100% they will .

Why wouldn't they be Michael boss , him and Jim will be getting drinks after this . 100% they will . Why wouldn't they be Michael Gambon as Kazran Sardic versus Catherine Tate as Nan ?

let me say this Catherine Tate is one of the funniest human beings on this planet . Yes , catherine Tate is my favorite Doctor who companion . Okay , catherine Tate does not best Michael Gambon . Michael Gambon Scrooge ? No , I don't think pitched combat ?

I do not think so . I have to agree with you .

Let's give it to Kazran Sardic also worth noting that Kazran Sardic like by the time they get to him like it's a Matt Smith episode Catherine Tate's companion arc is already finished . She would make an incredible like cameo , but I dude's got , dude's got a time lord on his side and yeah now what we have next is alistair sim versus mr magoo jim buckus .

Of course it kills me to say this , kills me to say I have an opinion , so go ahead . I think magoo takes it . I think magoo takes it too , and I'll tell you why . Tell me why spill it , I think he will . In true , his true superpower is his ability to accident his way to success .

It'll .

Oh , I'm going to find my way to the fight exactly so I think that's as good of a magoo as we were gonna get . So I think magoo takes it I think magoo takes it now next next we have richard john smith , the first to ever play the role versus will ferrell , who , again has that reach he has that reach . He is a tall man .

He's a tall man , richard john smith might be built for like victorian times but like but he ain't built for the improv , he ain't built for the improv . And back then big in those times was like like a big dude , then was like five , six yeah , I think they were all short and rickety .

I think so , eric . I think we have no choice , but I think will ferrell tackles him way too hard through a wall I . I don't see how you're wrong about that yeah yeah , um . So that brings us to will ferrell . So we're gonna circle our way back , we're gonna snake around so we're down to one , two , three , four , five .

Uh sorry , one , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight .

Yeah , it's eight , scrooges that's how the bracket we started with 32 we are down to eight . We're down to eight , and the first is will Ferrell versus Mr Magoo . Now this so now , this is fucking talking .

Now we're fucking cooking because , just as I said earlier , mr Magoo's strength in this competition is inversely proportional to the competence of his opponent . So like , however competent and good his opponent is , or how serious they are , yeah , or how like , like , like hard they're they're taking this , I agree , is how well magoo will do .

ferrell . Yeah , I was gonna say I haven't seen spirited , but I think we can make an educated guess as to how will ferrell scrooge behaves . A lot of yelling , a lot of yelling , a lot of energy . This is a tight matchup this is .

They are two such comedically driven entities . It's funnier if will ferrell beats the shit out of a nearsighted old , old , old man . That's true . True , that is on brand .

It's on brand .

For Will .

Ferrell . I think we give it to Will Ferrell's portrayal from Spirited yeah .

Yeah .

Now that goes to our next grouping of Michael Gambon , Kazrin Sardic versus Jim Carrey from the Polar Express-esque adaptation .

Yeah , right From the Polar Express-esque adaptation , yeah , from the uncanny Beowulf universe . Truly , yes , I'm struggling , I'm truly struggling . I think it has to be Jim Carrey you think it has to be .

I think it has to be because michael gambon , you know , I think he's stately and he , he has a power , he has a certain authority . For sure he's gonna wield that cane and beat the shit out of somebody with it , for sure , but he's gonna do some damage . But jim carrey , he's like bouncing off the walls is that ?

yeah , he , he , he's . He's so fucking squirrely , he's like bouncing off the walls . Is that ? Yeah , he , he's . He's so fucking squirrely , he's nimble , he's nimble . I think that squirreliness beats michael gambon's raw power .

I think it does , I really do think it does , and that pains me to admit a little bit , but that is the situation yeah , that's what these are good fighters . Jonathan Jonathan Winters . Scrooge McDuck , Scrooge McDuck . Do we even need to talk about it ? We don't . Scrooge McDuck , Scrooge McDuck . He moves on .

Matt , I think we can go and call a shot Now . This is right now . We are just figuring out who's going to be fighting Scrooge McDuck in the final .

Yes and well , I don't know that we're right there , because our next matchup is , of course , michael Caine versus Tim Curry .

Now I think Tim Curry , I do not . No , no , no , no , oh , no , no , sorry , I wasn't finished . Oh , I'm sorry , I think Tim Curry does some serious damage to Sir Michael Caine . But what happens when we fall down , Master White , we get back up .

I think , yeah , I think there is that . I think there's an element of him getting beaten around by Tim Curry . Who's flaunting it ? Who's who's gesturing to the crowd ? And that will be his undoing , and then Michael Caine's just going to rise up and say , all right , now that we've had all fun .

Yeah , michael Caine has always given me that vibe of like this dude got into scraps when you like .

I feel like Michael .

Caine was like bare knuckle boxing in alleys before he was an actor .

And his Scrooge in particular is . Cockney . Well , is Cockney , but is also he's so dead . I serious that Tim Curry's shenaniganery cannot compare to his drive and determination .

And I will say by the end of his movie , Michael Caine has won the allyship of the Muppets , notably an allyship that Tim Curry lost at the end of Muppet Treasure .

Island . Well done , Eric .

Well done . I think , yeah , I , I think , I think michael cain is gonna be like he's . He's gonna get knocked down by tim curry , right , yes ? And then he's gonna be like , looking toward , like he's . He's gonna be on the verge of giving up and then he's gonna look over and who's gonna be standing there ? It's gonna be kermit the frog .

Take , beat his ass for all the paint , michael , you know I can't even get there , you got there all right .

I love the idea of kermit being Michael Caine's cut man in the corner . We've only got two matchups left Eric .

Oh my God , We've got if we're snaking back .

Yeah , two matchups before the final .

That's what I'm saying . Two matchups before it's the semifinal , we've got Michael Caine versus Scrooge McDuck . This is tough . This is tough . Here's what I think . Here's what I think . Eric , tell me what you think . I think Scrooge McDuck has weaponry on his side . I think he has tenacity on his side .

Yes .

I think Michael Caine's Scrooge is built to withstand any number of blows .

I agree , and I will also say that Scrooge McDuck again , his superpower is money , but the moral of the Christmas Carol is that money can take you so far , it can get you so much , but it won't get you everything .

Here's what I can see happening , eric . Here's what I can honestly see happening . What I'm about to say , it's going to take this in a dark direction , okay .

But this is a battle royale .

Merry Christmas . Here's Scrooge McDuck . He's flailing around . He's beating Michael Caine with bags of gold coins . Michael Caine has been getting the shit kicked out of him . He's slapping him around and Michael Caine is looking at him dead eye seriousness . And at a certain point , scrooge McDuck is going to start monologuing .

Michael Caine . This will be the first true fatality of the battles .

Michael Caine will kill Scrooge McDuck .

As your co-host , I co-sign and then cook and eat him . Oh , michael Caine , scrooge , is that cold .

He would 100% Scrooge McDuck will be the bird in the window . It will be the biggest bird in the window .

That he serves to Tiny Tim . It will be the biggest bird in the window that he serves .

This film will end with Michael Caine serving tiny Tim Scrooge McDuck's ass .

Yeah .

Boiled . Yeah , yeah , sorry , yeah , all right , so we got another side of the bracket to finish , it's Will .

Ferrell , there's more of the gravy than the grave about you , mcduck .

It's Jim Carrey versus Will Ferrell . Oh man , Now again it's animated Jim Carrey , Animated Jim Carrey and , I think , versus Will Ferrell . The energy honestly could be similar , but I think it's probably that crazy , crazy animated style that is going to get him over the edge .

I think the dead-eyed staring off into the thousand-yard stare of the Polar Express eyes will unsettle Will Ferrell to throw him off his rhythm , because Will Ferrell will be coming into this match freshly , freshly blooded , having just beaten Mr Magoo .

No , and I think those dead ass eyes and I think the the physicality of the animated Scrooge , coupled with the energy of Jim Carrey's performance , yeah Uh , gets you one hyper , hyper fighter .

Yes , yes , I think Jim's portrayal will be able to intimidate Farrell , cause him to make some costly errors in his approach in the Octagon , and I think that's when Jim Carrey just hits him with the 12-6 , recently legalized .

Recently legalized . I've been told yeah by many sources , and so that leaves us with Jim Carrey versus Michael Caine . Sure , Michael Caine .

I think so , matt . Let's just picture this for a moment . Let's picture it . I think it's both Michael Caine and Jim Carrey's Scrooges walking into this arena , steam coming off of their bodies like blood dripping from their knuckles and canes respectively now , and here's what we .

We do have eric . Yeah , we always see the , the um , the version of michael kane's scrooge . He's always in a big old top , uh , black coat , top hat , and then , of course , in the nightgown , during the nightgown scenes .

Yeah .

And Michael Caine takes off that jacket , takes off his undershirt to reveal his Bill the Butcher-esque physique .

Yeah , I think if anyone's secretly hiding like fucking ripped ass , scrooge muscles , it's this Scrooge , it's a Michael .

Caine , and so , while Jim Carrey prepares his wiliness to get in there , michael Caine becomes Daniel Day-Lewis .

And it should be noted that up until now , Sir Michael Caine has been using the cane primarily as his weapon . It's true . I think after Scrooge McDowell , this is when he tosses the cane aside , and it's just he tosses the cane aside and unleashes the cane with an INE .

Yes , cain and Abel of that's his fists , yeah . And he just shot and I can just see Jim Carrey's Scrooge being like oh no , scrooge being like oh no , and then just getting rained down upon by blow after blow from Michael Caine .

Just using that Cockney fucking Bowery Boy street brawling style . What day is it boy ?

What day is it boy ? What day ?

is this .

As he haymaker after haymaker down upon him .

He's like fucking Jim Carrey's screws like this what do I do ? Where will I go ? Are there no prisons ? Boof . Are there no workhouses ? Boof , bam , bam . And then I think Michael Caine pulls a bane and snaps him , snaps jim carrey's frail body over his knee which , which won't be as bad because the cgi , he'll be fine he'll snap it into .

Well , because of the cgi , he can become like a bent paperclip , like he can bend him all the way into a full book , yeah , and then toss him aside . God damn , just discard him as he walks off with his winnings .

Oh my God , so the dust has settled . The dust has settled . The clock has struck midnight . Yes , it's over .

All three ghosts have visited .

Oh , my God .

And all three have been bested by Michael Caine Sure , Michael Caine . Michael Caine's A Muppet Christmas Carol portrayal of Ebenezer Scrooge has won our humbug bracket .

The best and deadliest Scrooge .

The best . I do think he is the best Scrooge Truly I do and I do think he is the deadliest , as we have just proven . And that'll about do it for this holiday holiday edition of you didn't ask for this , god damn , god damn . We wrapped it up in a bow , didn't we ? We did now next time out it came without ribbons .

It came without tags it came with michael cain , sending them all the way in a bags Nice .

Eric , well done in body bags . Yeah , and next time you hear our voices , we will be picking out our 2025 . You daft . Bingo card .

That is fucking nuts . To me it's absolutely insane .

Time is not real , that happened yesterday that we are already back to bingo card selection , but that'll be our next episode . But for this episode I'm afraid it's in the body bag , absolutely .

Much like Ebenezer Scrooge . You gave him the business .

Thank you . Thank you , yes , and you will have to be back here tomorrow at 9 am .

Not a minute later .

And not a minute later . So that'll about do it for this episode and this year of you Didn't Ask for this . We'll be back in 2025 . But until then , my name is Matthew Shea .

My name is Eric Poach and listen , you didn't ask , but I think we both know . If you and I auditioned for A christmas carol , you would 100 be scrooge and I'd 100 be bob cratchit yes , that is maybe ghost of christmas present due to the height factor .

But like yeah I could see you as , uh , christmas present or christmas past oh , interesting , I could see it is either christmas present , I , it suits you better because give me your best .

Uh , come in and know me better , sir , better man , I , I could give you my favorite , my favorite christmas present line , like like , uh , oh , what was it from the , the alistair sim , because they even do the scene where he opens his robe and you see , like the , the children's , like this girl is ignorant .

Come in and know me better , dog come and know me better , come , come .

Come and know me better . Dude , don't make a big deal , come on . Come on , have a seat , pop a squat , it's Christmas .

Why are you so big ?

How's the weather up there . Anyway , let's go hear all the shit your nephew's talking about you . Huh , what , wait what ?