103 | Smash Yacht, Bruh

So heard any good jokes lately .

There's the no . Yeah , no , it's been a rough one .

It's been . You know what , it's been a bumpy , been a bumpy road .

Yeah , folks , this is coming out , you know , two weeks after the election , but we're recording this on Monday , the 11th , 11-11 .

If you will , and there's a lot of things that myself and Matt could say . Mm-hmm Want to say oh , I've been saying it in some places , have thought about saying Some avenues I've said probably more than I should have .

I wish that your bellies are full yes , especially that one in some places .

I wish that the books you read bring you comfort and joy . Yeah , I wish that you watch a movie that changes your life .

Ooh , that's a good one , eric . Yeah , get in there , pile in dog . I wish that you discover a new show that you can dive into and just get in the weeds with it and it becomes your personality , Yep .

I wish , regardless of the outcome , that you work up the courage to tell the person that you're crushing on that you just think they're the bee's knees .

Yeah , that you just fucking can't stop looking at that tush yeah .

Yeah , don't lead with that , though Don't lead with the tush . I've made that mistake .

No .

Hi , my name's Matt Nice ass .

How you doing . Couldn't help but notice that dump truck . You got back there .

I wish for you to hear a joke that legitimately makes you laugh so hard you think you might throw up .

Yes , and I wish that you have just a healthy and stress-free time with someone who loves you and wishes the same for you .

Yes , I wish for you in the times ahead , forever from now , I wish for you to find your community . I wish for you to find your community .

I wish for you to embrace your community and stand with them and and love with them , and cry with them and fucking support them because we're gonna need some support where , in every corner of every community is going to need a little support , whether they know it or not . Hell yes .

I wish a happy birthday to everyone who can hear my voice and to all the people who haven't even been born yet . I wish you the happiest birthday .

All right , all right , we're getting a little bit existential now with this . Um , all right , all right , we're getting a little bit existential now with this .

I wish that the whales have a great day today , as well , oh my God , I wish orcas just get to smash so much . Yacht , smash , yacht .

Smash yacht , smash , yacht bro .

There , you know that new Gen Z phrase smash yacht , get yacht .

Smash yacht bruh , as Gen Alpha says . I believe I heard that on Bluey . Yes , yes .

That's my favorite episode where the little blue dog is like watching orcas destroy mega yachts . Yeah , yeah yeah , it's educational . Yeah , uh , I , I wish for everyone , and this is , this is the neat part about these , these , these next couple wishes .

I wish for everyone to just let them go . I wish for everyone to not have to worry , to have anxiety about if they're going to have to live in fear .

It's so much deeper than that .

It's very plain and clear . Okay , when they're in the church it's outside of time .

Look when we opened the hatch . We skewed into an alternate time .

No , we didn't , Eric , didn't we watch Lost ? I'm so mad at you right now .

I've never seen Lost . I'm gonna kill you . I wish you would .

Well , hello everybody and welcome to you Didn't Ask For this the podcast that answers life's least pressing question and grants wishes . My name is Matt Boucher .

My name is Eric Poach . Thanks for rubbing that bottle .

Thanks for rubbing the bottle . Here we are , your genies Oops all monkeys paws . Oops all genies .

Oops all genies .

We gotta get away from the oops . Oh , but God , I monkeys paws . Oops , all genies , oops , all genies . We got to get away from the oops . Oh , but God , I love it , the oops format of naming bits .

The oops meta is strong Oops , all oops , oh no .

We can't do more spinoffs . You know we simply cannot . So I know we were a little bit serious , but it's a serious time in the , in the cold open .

And that's where these idiots come in .

And that's where we come in . We wanted to start that way . You know , a lot of people actually have reached out to both of us independently to say , like listen , your , your show brings a lot of joy and peace , and like allows me to kind of escape from certain things and , honestly , truly bit free . It is an honor to hear that .

It is . I will never be able to properly describe the feelings that go through my body when someone tells me that , because it's just yeah , it really is .

I can't even look at it's too beautiful it really it is . It really is . It means a lot . You know we're we've been here four years now just fucking around on these mics , um , sometimes woefully unprepared to record an episode , and um , you know it just'm just . It really does mean a lot that we're , you guys enjoy us .

Yep , and if everyone could just go ahead and put their tongue in their cheek for what I'm about to say . Matt , here's to four more years .

Eric , yeah , I think I'm having a heart attack after you said that Of us Of us , of us having a heart attack after you said that . Uh , actually of us , of us , oh okay , uh , sorry , I had to shake that off and I'm sure that didn't clip at all . No , um , eric , should we jump into it ? Oh , my god , let's jump the fuck into it . Let's jump into it .

this , this is pretty much exclusively it . I mean , we , our figurehead game , used to be so fucking strong on point , intricate , like when I intricate mermaids , oh my god . Dragons . Filigree scroll work like krakens , krakens , god the ridging , the , the ridging the ridging . Perfect for barnacles like you could not ask for a more like .

I mean you look out at the sea , okay , as you do every day from your lighthouse that you live in . Yes , yes On the bluffs when you look out nude at the top of your lighthouse like Willem Dafoe and you're looking out . That's only funny if you've seen the lighthouse .

I have , I have .

You're looking out , flashing the world with your bright light . Yes , what would you rather see ? One of these steel-ass battleships or cargo carriers , or aircraft carriers that maybe have a name printed militaristically on the side of it , usually a state or a dead white dude ? A state or a dead white dude , or just like evergreen ?

no , I'll tell you what you know . You know what I'll tell you . That doesn't get from this lighthouse keeper , doesn't get a hark . I don't hark to that , captain I , I do not harken to that one fucking bit . Now . If , like , if I say I'm like , oh uh , that man , I won't even yell out about that one , I'll just like call somebody like hey there .

oh , let me get my binocs and take a look out there across the waves .

Get my 1800s telescope .

A little periscope , pull it out Spyglass , spyglass in it , spyglass it up , and what do I see ? What doth my eyes reveal to me ? A beautiful carved image , an artist's representation of a beast .

Wrought by the hands of man , folly though they be An angel , arm outstretched .

And oh , what's that ? As it comes into view , who's that standing with one foot up on the railing at the bow of the ship ? Why isn't that not the captain ? Captain ?

Matt Shea .

Captain Shea riding on that , the USS Captain Shay riding on that .

The USS , the fucking fist of Poseidon .

The fist of Poseidon coming into port Come on Hark .

That gets a heart . Captain Shay is here . That gets a heart that guy I'm saving , I'm saving them from the cliffs .

And listen . I'm sure there might be some reasons I'm no Navy man , they're all dumb ones .

They're all dumb ones . I've seen what our country pays for military hardware . We can spring for a figurehead .

The USS Constellation , the USS Constitution , the USS Dwight D Eisenhower ? Whatever happened to the Queen Anne's revenge ? Oh my God .

What happened to the fucking , the Flying Dutchman , the Flying ?

Dutchman . I don't even know what that means . No one needs to , didn't need to , badass figurehead . Here comes Captain Shay and what's that he's riding ? Ah yes , it's the naked cowboy . There we go . There it is . What could be more American than that ? The famous person who used to be in Times Square . I don't know if he's still there anymore .

So , to answer your question , the reason we don't have figureheads anymore boils basically down to fiscal mismanagement and weakness .

Oh weakness .

you say Weakness . We have become a cowardly lot Because if a boat has a figurehead and maybe I'm maybe , maybe this is crazy talk I feel like if a boat has figurehead , that boat has capital p purpose now in the decline in use .

Section of the figurehead . Object wikipedia article donate today . Donate today to wikipedia , um , not to just figure heads . Figure heads as such died out with the military sailing ship . In addition , the vogue for ramboats meant that there was no obvious place to mount one on battleships . Are you fucking kidding me ? The battleship doesn't even like at .

You can put it fucking anywhere you put it fucking anywhere , you just have a fucking statue .

No shit just put it , yes , put it under what should be the crow's nest . We don't have any one of those anymore either . Oh my god , that'd be so tight . Just fucking hang it .

Just put it you have the money , you have .

You have engineers we can make them retractable , surely you ?

have engineers capable of building ships taught longer than the empire . State building is tall and you're telling me you can't figure out where to slap a badass statue on that and think about this , what I just said , the retractable figurehead .

So okay , so it can't get into modern docks or whatever with them . I don't believe that for a second . But fine , let's say that's true . Let's say you just whoop , whoop , you retract it , you put it inside . And what if , Eric , our Navy ships only deployed their figureheads when they were going into fucking battle , Metal as fuck .

A spy submarine Put out the submergible figurehead that says here I come , bitch Two middle fingers off the fucking prowl .

They just curve out through the waves .

Just two big birds and this has pivoted , very lovely , into my , my , my sort of follow-up question within this question modern figureheads . What are we thinking ?

because in the past they were , like often , gods , or or gods straight up , women , dames , dames , if you will , I'm looking at pictures of horses and and shields . Seem to be a big one .

Yes , a lot of shields , a big old eagle , birds , of course yep , can I just off the dome , one that just popped into my head like , of course you may and this figurehead belongs on any american vessel , military or otherwise . Uh , dolly parton , dolly part , dolly parton would make the best fucking figurehead for a ship . I agree with you .

The uss mothman are you , oh my god , the uss mothman with glowing red eyes , because we can automate shit now , dog ?

dog . Here's what we do remember , how we have all these boats named after states and shit yeah state boat . You get a cryptid from that state as the figure , as the figurehead .

So the west virginia gets the mothman and listen . If you want to keep the dwight d eisenhower , the the uss , uh , barack obama even , or whatever , yeah , if you're gonna do that , that's the figurehead , baby , and they gotta be buff as shit oh my god , buff ass barry . Oh , want a buff ass barrio coming out there .

Two swords , two fucking swords , two swords one down , one up wearing a pair of aviators , fucking just getting ready to wreck shit , we have it .

We just have a cowboy come up with a lasso like an outstretched lasso .

Oh my God . And like I said , it can be automated .

His wrists just constantly twirl in a chain . We can do this .

We can do this . We can have these nice things . We can have figureheads with weaponry . If you're not going to pay for our schools , at least give me something badass on the front of our ships .

If we're gonna launch missiles , they should come out of a figurehead's mouth .

Yes .

Yes , out it comes , the mothman just fired a nuke .

Come on the figurehead . Johnny Unitas throws the missile like a football .

If we're yeah , it's like a shot put . Yeah , if we're gonna have a military industrial complex , let's have some fun with it let's get some .

If we're gonna have a military industrial complex , let's have some military industrial complexity okay thank you , thank you , and then we can have .

But you know , we went very pro-military , we went for private vessels too . Oh yeah , we can get back into it . Private vessels , oh my god there's nothing stopping them nothing . Stopping them , just throw one on there toss it on you're gonna have these mega yachts . Put a god damn figurehead on there .

If you bought a boat , you mother , put your spouse as the figurehead . Eric , you said it yeah , you said it .

Yeah , enough of this naming your boat after your special friend put their message you committed .

Make them your fucking figurehead . Get you a man that make carves a figurehead of your visage .

Ladies , get you a man who makes you a boat object . Wait , wait , hold on .

Only kind of objectification we approve of on this show . That's right .

Make someone , pick a man who makes you a goddess .

Ladies , do not get out of bed for anything less than anything less than an ocean going man , who will ?

who ? Who's got a , a scruffy face and a chip on his shoulder and a figurehead of you on his glorious boat , the ussu . That's just that . That is . That's the name of the boat , and he keeps it clean . Every day . He gets out there with a toothbrush oh my god and cleans the barnacles off your hair ?

I don't think strong hands .

Don't think a toothbrush is a useful tool for cleaning barnacles but it sends a message , but it prevents them .

Uh , I , I I'll also add this , just a slight pivot If we're bringing back figureheads , let's also bring back and again , this is irrespective of military anything I just think we should bring back Can we say it together .

I want to think we're going to say the same thing .

Okay , I'm just trying in my head to figure out how we're going to say this .

How different , okay no , then we're not , then we're not going .

You say yours , I got another one bring back drawing people pinup style on the side of vehicles oh jesus , that was not at all . I was gonna say sea shanties oh , oh , buddy , see , did you miss covid sea shanties been ?

no , no , I know sea shanties been back , but they've been back in tick tock land as like a sea shanties , aren't they fun ? I want , if you're out boating , I want to be passing a crew seeing in a sea shanty and not just chugging Coors Light .

No , absolutely . I want to find the Northwest Passage for just one time . I would take the Northwest .

Passage For just one time .

I would take the Northwest Passage . But yeah , I want to bring back like ladies you want to bring back ladies , no , no , the ladies have been here the whole time and with the patience of saints for all of us , other fuck-ups .

That's right and , if any , if you get out of bed for this man and he shows you his dope ass van that he's painted you on the side of and you say I don't like that , that's , I don't want that out there , and he doesn't turn around and set that vehicle on fire , drop him . Fuck him too .

Drop him drop him drop him because you gotta have the buy-in the .

The ones who matter don't mind , and the ones who mind don't matter , that's right , and if you don't want your visage on the side of a fucking honda odyssey , then fucking it won't be there . Yeah , and that's a promise that's .

That's a goddamn promise . It's a promise from me to you . So , in short , boys , get your shit together , carve wooden statues of your partners and slap them on the fronts of ships , and everyone just like fucking let , let's , let's just paint each other on the side of bombers , that's right , and it doesn't need to be your special romantic partners .

No , grab , grab , eric , I'd make a figurehead of you I'd make a figurehead of you , matthew yeah , and you make you look badass and I , I'll make you eight , eight feet tall , nine , god damn , do you know my figurehead of you ?

a detail that would be required is you would . Whatever your arms are doing , it just almost doesn't matter . All that matters is that your mouth is open and your tongue is out . You're like a fucking .

Because I need that venom tongue that's like curvy , you know yes .

Matt has a fucking superhumanly long tongue . That's true , it is nuts , it's lengthy and I need that . I need everyone to know that it's lengthy and it's muscular yeah the month .

They say the tongue is the most powerful muscle in your body , and it certainly isn't mine . I can lick my elbow sick . You know how they say that's physically impossible yeah , not me .

Do it right now . Do it right now .

All right , he's rolling up his sleeve in my in my age , eric , it does take a little bit of a stretch it does .

No , no , I believe , bro , you take all the prep you need . Yeah , he's doing it , he's doing , and there he goes .

Tongue is on elbow confirmed it does it is a bit of a strain in my 30s to keep it up , to keep up my cafeteria stunt from sixth grade , but I can't . I still have it . I still have the physicality . Yeah , I've lost . I've lost a lot of the physical capabilities . I used to have her herniated disc and whatnot , but I can still lick my fucking elbow .

On days when Matt wakes up struggling , he sits on the edge of his bed , he licks his elbow and says I still got it , you still got it , shay , get on up there , Slap myself in the face and go .

all right , let's do this .

Let's lick this elbow . Let's get the . Let's lick this elbow .

Let's lick this elbow and get on the mic .

Oh man yeah , Uh , so Mike thanks so much for the question .

Thank you , mike . Mike , I hope we uh . The question in fact was why don't we and we , I think , covered that a long time ago . I hit that pretty early on and then we just moved right on to what the modern how to bring it back .

Yeah , yeah . So thank you for the question . Yeah , our next question .

Yes , this comes from our good friends on the Against All Oddities podcast From Tim From Tim , specifically from our good friends on the against all oddities podcast from tim's from tim specifically , specifically because we got this question on our discord now . Wait a minute , eric our discord . How can people reach the discord ?

oh uh .

Patreoncom slash . You didn't ask for this , or hey ? Just hit up that episode description . It's right there .

So that's who asked the question that I'm about to read . Tim asked are there non-food related knuckle tattoos that are better than the food ones ? And Matt , I want to go ahead and we're gonna . We're gonna kind of do what we sometimes need to . Let's talk about the question . Let's talk about let's talk about the question .

We got to break it down a bit are there .

So we're , we're in a mindset of supposing the existence of sure non-food related knuckle tattoos now this implies .

The big implication here is that most knuckle tattoos are food based which is like which , legitimately , tim fucked me up for a minute . That are better than the food ones is the tail end of the question , which also implies that the food ones are the best ones . Are unassailable .

Yeah , yeah , untouchable .

The implication here is can anything top the food , eric ? Can you think of food knuckle tattoos ?

Hold on food , good food , good oh food good food , good , all right , I'm right on the knuckle tat doing a quick search for food knuckle tattoos now .

Um , okay , so I've got one here for chef .

Got one chef , life chef did they spell it with a y or an I ?

here's one who has in order ice cream cone , lollipop , pumpkin , jack-o'-lantern actually a slice of pizza , a cupcake , jack skellington , a donut and a crescent moon , I'm also seeing a similar .

I'm seeing what appears to be uh oh slice of toast . Uh , a cartoonish like like you'd see in the old looney tunes , like a ham on a bone .

Uh , a cartoonish wedge of cheese with holes in it , and another slice of bread got one here , ham , and cheese sandwich got one here that says diet coke got another one that says got another one that just says sriracha across the I'm not gonna lie , it's pretty fucking sick all right . Oh god , this one's crazy it . These are logos .

Uh here's my favorite one so far just root beer oh , I think we're looking at the same image there .

I got that one on my google images as well . Love that where did the food craze of knuckle tattoos ?

come from , probably mostly from people who work in kitchens . I would think it have to be with having had a good number of friends , uh , and someone who lives with me who has , like , worked extensively in food service .

Make your fists into a codex oh , hell yeah , just give him .

Hit him with a , almost like a . Make your hands like reverse wu-tang yeah , just so you can .

If you interlock it it has a different message . If you put them fists first or fists up , two different messages there and you can rearrange them like it . Like it's some sort of uh word scramble oh , okay , so , so that .

So , now that we've talked about the question I think we moved right into it . Let's discuss Non-food related knuckle tattoos that are better than the food ones . Okay , well , word scramble .

Word scramble .

Word scramble is definitely in there .

Make it a riddle , make it a riddle , make it a maze .

No doubt about it is no , you never had a chance , never had a chance you two star-crossed lovers I and you know . The funny thing is , I don't know if I've ever mentioned this to you . I actually do . I want knuckle tattoos I want a lot of tattoos , but I I don't have them because of the aforementioned .

Being an actor and I know that and it's work you gotta cover them up yeah , that's the thing is .

Every time I mention this , I was like , oh yeah , I don't get them because you know I'm I'm an actor and they're like , oh well , you can cover it . I was like , yeah , I'm aware of the existence of cover-up . I am a lazy person .

Yes , that is way too . I , yeah , I mean I have been very anti-tattoo my whole life and just to clarify , I'm talking about for me , my , my own person .

I'm going to be sending you a folk punk playlist later tonight , so there's hope for you yet .

Eric , if we're starting to send each other music , I'll play along . I'll send you some playlists . Okay , but , eric , if you're gonna send me some of this screamo stuff , you can't no , no , no , that's what folk punk dog , you're gonna love it all right , you're gonna love it . I'll , I will never mosh , unless of course , you come up with the money .

Friendly reminder that Matt Shea will only enter a mosh pit if I give him one thousand US dollars .

If you pay me a thousand dollars , and I believe it was for five minutes- For five minutes .

What a five minutes they will be . You better hope they are . This is also . We're also thinking like you . We touched on this with the earlier food tattoo discussion , but it doesn't have to be letters across your knuckles . It can be a maze , it can be food items , but we're talking non-related food knuckle tattoos .

Yeah , I reckon a good amount of those are coming off these days . I'm just I'm just looking through some . Here's one that's like an extension of a full sleeve , that like the art of the sleeve , the arm sleeve that stretches into the fingers that's pretty cool . That's a fucking commitment I mean , if you're gonna do it .

I remember fuck worm , now fuck worm , I think , is because so far matt , everything we've been describing , I feel , has yet to surmount the insurmountable food tattoos but fuck worm .

Oh , this is interesting . This is like low-key badass , we've got good luck . Okay , that's interesting . I mean , oh , here's . Oh , this is actually pretty cool . I'm looking at one here . It's a stag on the middle finger is the head of the stag of , like the deer , and then the antlers , like spread out into the palm onto the hand . That's pretty cool .

What if someone got uh , I think I saw this too this , this , this is , this is . This is my favorite K ? N U C . One hand K L E S on the other , hmm .

So it's a it's a little on the nose Bop , bop , bop bop , bop , bop .

Uh , I would appreciate if someone got a comic book on a monopia on their knuckles like bam and boff . Oh , that's cool yeah yeah , that's cool .

Biff , biff that was always my fit biff .

Yeah , that'd be fun , I mean , if you're somebody who's throwing punches and also likes a good bit that's a good choice for you , and if you're gonna do a bit on your knuckles , make sure it's a guaranteed winner every time because like you want somebody who right before that fist hits their face , they get a good look at Kapow .

It doesn't quite fit , but you know . They're shoved together a little bit . But they have to think for a second and be like what does that say ? Bam In the face ? It slows their reaction time yeah , yeah , throws them off throws them off balance . Uh , here's one that's like flames . Fine , meh , fuck , fuck anything . Uh , it can work , you know , fuck .

God's gift Okay .

Ugh , no , no , thanks , time Lord All right .

Oh , okay .

All right .

All right , I see you .

Oh , we got dates 1975 . You can do that with just about anything . Last Call .

Last Call's pretty badass , but again we're falling into the trap of mostly spelling things out , and with last call we've we've actually stumbled right back into food related tattoos that's true .

That's true . Came full circle damn .

If anything , this question's just highlighting to me that , like food , food , knuckle tattoos seem to be the move but I also think the spelling is a little overdone .

I I'm liking the everything that we've said , that I've been like oh , this is cool the stag and the sleeve extending . It's all been cartoonish ham bone , the cartoonish hand .

It's all been imagery rather than letters so if you were going to get some imagery across your knuckles matt , what would you get ?

well , I , I wouldn't . First of all , uh , but if you did , looking at my knuckles here trying to come up with something good . Maybe trees turn my turn . My whole fingies into trees well , fingies into trees ?

yeah , they're like the root .

Oh , they're like the roots , they're like I love that .

I , I personally love that because that's that's my plan for tattoo . I just want to just right off the dome that's fucking brilliant . I would get little silhouettes . So this would actually require me to incorporate the thumbs , or at least one of them , one finger per each member of the fellowship of the ring . Oh , yeah sure and you're going poach .

Oh , pour one out for my boy bill pour one out , indeed for your boy bill . Yeah , those are some good . I think we've come up with some good suggestions there .

Yeah , I , I would . I would leave it to tim to decide if we have come up with anything that's better than food tattoos , I mean tim and indeed our audience .

Yes , well , eric . Um , I think , if you think we've answered the question , we can slide right on into a closing segment . Oh my God .

Test me , test me .

Okay , Now , Eric , it is pop quiz time . It is pop quiz time . We do call it a pop quiz . However , I'm saying I picked this pop quiz in general because I think it falls into the canon of you didn't ask for this . Here's some information the audience didn't ask for .

I'm not sure you'll necessarily get these right but you may , okay , if I'm remembering correctly , the first pop quiz ever was you quizzing me about birds , birds , and then I quizzed you on spells from D&D .

Yes , in the very last episode , actually Our most previous episode , and now and now we're going to call this yeah , what's a cute name We'll call it Real Estate Rumble . Dope Real Estate Rumble .

Sick .

Okay , eric , I've got some specs on several different celebrity homes . Okay , I'm gonna give you the specs , I'm gonna give you some data about the house and , if you are interested , I I even pulled up some imagery , if you would like to see , okay , okay and then you're gonna guess the homeowner oh , I'm just .

This isn't like a binary . Yes , no , this is a . I got a . Well that's what I mean . That's what I mean School's in session .

School's in session . You're going to learn something today , eric . It's more of . I'm presenting the information , and before I tell you who it is , you get to put in a suggestion .

I'm like I'm going to . I'm like I'm going to . I'm like I'm being asked to know things . I'm going to get my knuckle tattoos say fuck book .

So do you do you want to also take a look for your own benefit , of course , audio medium . Would you like to see the house in question ?

Oh yeah .

Okay , all right . So we got this first house here . Now this house it's . It's very I'll describe it for the listeners as well From the view , from the bird's eye . It's very wooded , it's very expansive . We got some like orange looking wood as the exterior .

Got like a very kind of yeah , like almost like a ranchy kind of feel , but in the woods .

But in the woods . We'll point out . There's a dock down here in the lower corner , so it is against water . Now this has a nickname . This is . I don't believe this name was chosen by the homeowner , but the nickname is Xanadu 2.0 . Xanadu , of course , being Citizen Kane's famous mansion for all you out there .

Fuck yeah dawg .

All right , so Xanadu 2.0 , that's the name it's located in . It's located I don't know why it's said that way Medina Washington .

Okay .

Okay , the plot is a quote large parcel of land and it is that , because the homeowner also owns the surrounding properties , got it . The house in question size is about 66,000 square feet , nice . It features seven bedrooms and 24 bathrooms . Sick . Okay . The approximate value and I will say I'm starting this out a little bit easy .

Those are the specs on this first house okay , and and here's a follow-up question with because these are all houses of famous people I know I know these people , you know each of these people , not personally I don't think . When was the house built ?

I don't always have that information . I have it on a couple of these . This house was built specifically by the homeowner and I believe it was built in the mid-90s . But let me get an exact thing for you on my other screen here , the the lot was purchased in 1988 .

okay , so construction began in 1980 yeah , so big ass , lots of cars room . Obviously , this person planned on hosting a lot of fucking parties .

Again $147.5 million . So it's a pricey fucking house .

I , oh man . What keeps locking in my head is that people keep calling it the Xanadu , whatever .

Yes , I will say this , eric . I'll give you another hint . Yeah , there were two people who lived in this house with their children . Those children are adults and the couple itself divorced .

I'm going to say Tim Allen . Final answer .

Tim Allen . Incorrect , Eric . This is the house of Bill Gates .

This is Bill Gates' house .

Bill Gates .

Yeah , so I tried to I don't know why I imagined Bill Gates' house being so much blockier .

Yeah , well , he's a stylish man . What can I say ?

Yeah , that's the house . I also remember reading about this .

I think that's the house where they have the art set up on the walls or like digital screens , and the art will change depending on who's in the room . That's the name of the article , if you want to look into it a little bit more . Now let me go down to our next one .

Okay .

Now , Eric , I know there are multiple houses in this picture . I think you know which one I'm talking about .

The one with not one but two . Not two , but what appear to be , oh yeah , yeah , two private jets .

There's three . There's three .

Okay , that is a third jet .

Yeah , there are three . Um , yes , let's talk about this . The name of this residence is the jumbo lair aviation estates jumbo lair jumbo , lair lair yes , jumbo lair aviation estates . okay , and I never know how to pronounce this word . Is it ocala , florida , ocala , oh , c-a-l-a . Florida , ocala , ocala , florida .

It's got a pool . Tell me about the amenities before I pull the trigger on this .

It's got a pool . It's got a large garden in the front of it . You can see it right there , large garden in the front of it . You can see it right there . Yeah , it's got an 8700 square foot uh conference center , which is not part of the actual house but is like attached to it there .

Lair .

Jumbo Lair .

Wait , is it spelled like Jumbolaya , but with layer ?

J-U-M-B-O-L-A-I-R Jumbo Lair Aviation Estates it sounds evil .

It does Tim Allen finally . No , Let me . No , no , no .

I'm just going to have to look up Tim Allen's house by the end of this . I guess Jimmy Buffett Jimmy Buffett , Eric , no , the late great Jimmy Buffett does not own this house . Dang , this house for many a decade now belongs to John Travolta . Oh , this is . John Travolta's house , johnny Tro .

He's got a nice-ass house . He's got a runway down there in Florida .

He's got a nice ass house . Yes , he does . Yes , he does . Now , eric , I thought we'd go a little bit more modest this next one . Okay , all right , take a look at this house . Oh , look at that . Take a look at this house . Describe for me what you're seeing here .

It looks just like a house .

And we on Travolta's house , but it is also . It looks like an airport , it looks like a little airport . This just looks like a mid , not a Midwestern , sorry , a Southwestern sort of like dry area , sort of like two-story rancher with like you saw so many versions of this house in Breaking Bad .

Yes , yes , it looks like just a standard house with a garage . And it looks like just a standard house with a garage and it looks like a nice house to be sure , a very nice house , but it's like just a house .

Okay , eric , it doesn't have a name . It doesn't have a special name , doesn't need one , doesn't need one . It's located in the Hollywood Hills of Los Angeles , california , okay , in the hollywood hills of los angeles , california , okay .

Yeah , also give you . One and a half acres is the minimum amount of acreage you need in Anne Arundel County to be able to own chickens .

There you go . It's got three bed , three and a half bath . Okay , three bed , three and a half bath . Again , hollywood Hills Okay , keep that in mind . 7.65 million is what it was purchased for at its last selling or its last sale . And when was that last sale ? I believe it was in 2023 .

Okay .

Damn . I believe I could be wrong .

Someone ridiculously wealthy owns this , Like this is going to be be someone like that's where they live this is the cheapest house we've talked about so far yeah ah , oh , amenities let me give you some amenities please , eric , I don't have too many for you here and they're not too unusual .

It's got a pool , okay , got a large front garden . You can kind of see it walled in there . Yeah , um , uh , outdoor fireplace on the patio . Those are the things that I found to be noteworthy . If I were putting the Zillow listing together , yeah , damn , I'm going to guess Multiple balconies .

I'm going to guess . I think that I'm going to guess Steven Spielberg , steven Spielberg .

Steven Spielberg . That's my guess Interesting . You are in the right ballpark with a film person . Okay , this is Robert Pattinson's house .

Nice , nice , robert Pattinson .

He actually downgraded recently from a large mansion to a more humble , uh , humble , uh thing .

That is a fucking big , motherfucking house on top of a hill .

Big motherfucking house on a hill , it's all white looks like it's oceanside maybe it looks like it could be oceanside . It's got massive chimneys on massive chimneys yes , a lot of land um overlooks the surrounding countryside .

Like that is , like that's where yes , it does it's where , like the , the lord of the of the lands , funny .

You should say that , eric , specifically um this , this house has a name . Its name is High Watch . That's badass . It is located in Westerly Rhode Island . It is specifically located on a historic hill by the name of Watch Hill , which was used as a lookout during the Seven Years and the American Revolution . The house , however , was built in 1929 .

Okay .

The plot is five acres .

It's got five acres of land and they use every goddamn acre for that house .

The house itself is 11,000 square feet . That is nuts . It has eight beds and ten and a half baths .

Okay , I love the face you made . As you said , baths , baths .

It sold in 2013 . It was purchased by the current homeowner in 2013 .

And that's who I'm guessing .

That's who you're guessing . Okay , For $17,750,000 , but it's likely worth way more now , both because of the association of the current homeowner , its historical significance and the famous song written about it .

Is all along the watchtower about this house .

It is not all along the watchtower , Damn that would have been cool .

Okay , so this house was already famous and then got bought by someone that made it even more famous .

Correct , and I will also add to you , eric , and this is indeed what the song is about . It was a bit controversial that the person in question purchased the house in the first place .

Okay , so I'm assuming . I feel like it's fair to say the person who owns this house is music related .

That is fair to say . And I forgot . I didn't get to the amenities , oh give me this amenities , baby , it's got a private 700 foot beach . Nice , a 36 foot parlor and a 45 foot sunroom , and other than that it's a big ass . Nice house wrapped in mystery . And it's old , 1929 . It's old , 1929 .

So I'm man , so there's so many directions . So it was controversial that it was purchased by this person In some circles . In some circles . I'm you know what I'm going to guess off the dome . When did this famous person buy the house ?

2013 .

2013 . I off the dome . When ? When did this famous person buy the house ? 2013 , 2013 ? I'm gonna guess . Oh man , there's so many . There's so many .

That's what I'm saying I don't really expect necessarily . You can , you can get these off of real estate , but I have two , why ?

like guesses that are on wildly different ends of the spectrum , I'm just gonna say them both , give them both to me . Guess one ozzy osbourne okay .

Guess two post malone , okay uh , I would think you would have known where ozzy lives from the show the osbournes , which I believe is but you said this one of eight residences yes , they own , so that's that's what gave me . I was like , I feel like no , it is neither of those people eric .

why , man man , what the hell it's a great song , eric . If you haven't heard it , I have a question For anyone in Rhode Island who are listening to my voice right now what ? What is your life like , uh eric ?

like what I'm taking it . You haven't heard .

Last great american dynasty I haven't , but if t swift by , if the whitest girl on earth buying the whitest house I have ever seen in one of the whitest states in our country yes is cause for controversy yes , eric , I encourage you to listen .

I want to go to rhode island I want to see what I want to . It's got a fucking so first rule there yes , it does , and eric if that is your bar , for things are bad eric , I would encourage you to listen to last great american dynasty , as soon as we're done recording and because it will become very clear what the controversy is .

That's a house I would expect to see in , like Annapolis .

Absolutely . Right now I'm going to plug this at the end of the show I'm doing another show over in Virginia and I drive often through some very affluent suburbs of DC and things this house could easily be on any of them streets , yeah . So yeah , it's expensive , but let's go through it .

So this one is looking at this house . This is merely entirely out of my grasp , not comically . So what does that mean In terms of what I can afford ? Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . Yeah , this house is just simply unobtainable , as opposed to unequivocally and hilariously unobtainable .

Oh , but , eric , it wasn't . Let me give you some stats about this . First of all , it's located in . It's located in omaha , nebraska , okay , and that's a pretty significant hint to you . Um , the plot not specified . I couldn't find it anywhere , but it's not that big . It's not huge . It's not a , you know , a ranch here .

It's got a sunroom .

Other than that , just a nice house you walk in .

it's just one giant room .

There's no , I'm saying there's no . As far as I can tell , there's no , you know , bowling alleys or trampoline rooms . Yeah , god damn , it's just a nice house , Big nice house in Omaha , Nebraska .

Omaha , nebraska . Do you know what I gotta guess ? Tell me Tom Hanks Incorrect here , damn it .

If you say Tim Allen .

I will fucking . Wouldn't it be funny if it was ?

Tim Allen .

I would no , eric .

This house from Omaha famously belongs to one of the richest , yet , for his net worth , frugalest men . This is Warren Buffett's house . Ah , this is . This is Warren Buffett's house . He has , of course , many , many properties , but this one remains his primary residence .

I just need my son room . I've never heard warren buffett speak .

I don't yeah , it doesn't sound like that . I can't do a warren buffett , but he just sounds .

Do your best one .

Do your best one right now I , I think he , I think he just kind of sounds like a midwest person and I I don't , I can't really do a good Midwest accent , I can't . So much pressure . Well , I just a lack of that's country . I'm already going country . Why are you doing this to me , eric ?

Because I haven't gotten a single one of these right .

I told you you might not . I'm sharing information . Is this revenge for Google gripes ? No , I even ran this by . I ran my idea , bysey , and she was like poachers isn't gonna get any of those , and I didn't tell them what they were and I was like I don't think anyone would . How do you just guess a person's house ? I was like I didn't .

I wasn't testing your knowledge . I'm imagining you as a teacher explaining to a room full of furious parents why all of their children failed .

I didn't think anyone were going to get the questions right , I'm just sharing new information or , in this case , well-established information .

Yeah , so there you go . There are some celebrity homes well established .

Yeah , so there you go . There are some celebrity homes , some stats that you probably didn't know before , and now you do . And now , now I have knowledge , and now you have knowledge , and so do you folks , and that'll about do it for this episode of you . Didn't ask for this . A little bit of business here .

It's a grand old time .

Yes , and thank you to everyone who's in the Discord already . People are continually dropping in each week . I love that , um , and we're just having a great time talking to you guys . So thank you , yeah , um the uh by by all means . Of course , you can find us on social media at you didn't ask pod . That's the little , that's literally .

I am understudying Andy . Dufresne I never wish harm upon another actor , but damn . I want to see you play Andy Dufresne .

Well , well , we'll see . It is cold season , you never know . But hey , I'm , I'm , I'm there as Dawkins every now and then , goddamn right . So anyway , yeah , if you're so inclined , until December 8th , come check us out . Thursdays , fridays , saturdays , sundays .

And while we're plugging this episode airs on the 21st , two days from now there will be a premiere of a movie I'm in in Baltimore . There will be a premiere of a movie I'm in in Baltimore .

So if you go to YouTube , type in Pride of Frankenstein , you will see me as a Frankenstein in a music video and it'll be dope and that is applicable because Eric , as we've proven here , is a monster Indeed , so that'll about do it for all of us here at you Didn't Ask For this , unless you got anything else to plug in . No , no , not a damn thing .

And listen . You didn't ask , but I'm going to leave you with a quote that I learned back in college , and I learned it from none other than Matt Shea , who used it in his vocal piece in college , so and so I'm very intrigued . I'll give you the quote and then I'll tell you who said it . I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind .

Damn Skippy . Mm-hmm .

Theodore Geisel , if you want to be , take care of yourselves out there folks , god , be safe , be sane and , and above all , be good to each other .

Be good to each other and Us also . Us , don't forget about us .

Be good to us .

Be good to us , consider being good to us . Thank you .