[Part 2] When Integrity Guides Your Journey

I say random , crazy shit , which is why I called this podcast the way that I did , and I really hate long drawn out intros , so let's fucking go . All right , this is going to be episode like part two of integrity .

To be episode like part two of integrity , because , as I was and if you have not listened yesterday to season 20 episode or sorry , season two , episode 20 , please go back and listen to that . It was a really good one on integrity and just like having integrity with your words .

So , deciding that you're going to do something , saying that you're going to do something and following through Okay , really good . Because as we , as we make a commitment to ourselves and we follow through with that commitment and we do as we say we're going to do , like the rest of our life starts to fall into place .

It's when we fall down on ourself , when we don't make a commitment to ourself and follow through with it , that things start to go a little flat . Now here's part two to this . I was thinking this morning about how I was going to refer back to season two , episode 20 .

And then I realized wait a minute , yesterday was the 21st episode in a row , but yet it is season two , episode 20 . And I felt this strong desire to tell you yesterday , even though it was day , the 21st episode , it was episode number 20 . And that me bonkers PS .

Why I'm telling you is this I have this really strong desire I think it is like stitched into the cells of my being to make sure that what I say is authentic and true .

Um and so when I say that yesterday is episode is the 21st one in a row , and yet then you can see that it says season 2 , episode 20 , my brain goes what if they think I'm not telling the truth ? But this ? I need to correct this . I need to make sure that they know what I'm like . Well , it's this integrity piece that can trip me up . Also .

The integrity has had sort of a thread in my life going back that has held me back in other ways . I'll give you an example Years ago , when I was still working . I've had a side business for a number of years , probably 15 years .

But I was also working for the federal government in a high stress , very busy job in leadership , and so my brain was going a zillion miles a minute all the time and I felt like and our kids were younger and they were into a lot of sports and things and very busy and so I kept reading and hearing about how I needed to meditate and I kept saying openly ,

vocally , I kept saying meditation isn't for me . I don't believe in meditation . My brain can't pause like that . I don't think that I can put my thoughts in a cloud and watch them walk away or fly away , float away . No , I can't do it . Meditation is not for me . Meditation is for other people , but not me . And I stood there .

I could have shouted that to the rooftops . I believed it to be so true , right . And then I tried a different type of meditation and I became obsessed with meditation . But for the longest time I wouldn't go against my vocal anti-meditation rant . I wouldn't go against it .

I held so true that I was so fucking right that I stopped trying different types of meditation . I stopped trying different things .

Next one journaling my biz bestie was so much into . By this time I'm like fully into meditation and I'm saying to her you've got to try this type of meditation . You've got to try the meditations that I do and the meditations that I give , these guided meditations , like I am obsessed with them . It helps me tap into my intuition .

I'm like speaking to my angels and my guides and my God and like all of these things , like you've got to do it . She's like oh , journaling is the answer . I openly shit on journaling too . I said journaling is for some people , but it is not for me .

Because she will start , she will come up with journal prompts , she'll write a journal prompt and then she'll just like go , and that I , she will come up with journal prompts . She'll write a journal prompt and then she'll just like go , and that I could never come up with journal prompts . I didn't feel good about journal prompts .

I I just like it , just felt I didn't want to do it . So I openly said I , journaling is not for me . And then I started doing this type of journaling . That changed my damn life . Oh boy , now I had to go back on my word . Like who was I if I wasn't impeccable with my word ? Like what was happening ? Now ? This bestie of mine .

She's like uh , integrity is holding you back . You have an integrity switch here because you won't go against what you've said and so when you evolve , you it's . It's like I was holding myself back from evolving because I wanted to say what I meant live what I said from 10 years before . You know , we evolve , we should .

So I don't know why I like integrity was everything to me , showing up here and like having you go . Yes , sandra said that 10 years ago and she's still saying the same thing . It meant something to me . It means something to me that you just don't go . Hey , wait a minute . Didn't she say 58 years ago that journaling sucked ? And now she's journaling ?

What the hell's the matter with her ? But there's more . I also was the person that said you don't need to pick at a scab to heal it all the time . You don't always have to do shadow work and dig and dig and dig and dig at all of your traumas and all of your past and it's hard on the soul and like you can just focus from this point on .

I really believe that and I still do feel you can focus from this point on . But if you're stuck and if you can't figure out how to get from where you are to even the next step closer to where you want to be . Probably something from the past is holding you back . Probably something in your subconscious mind is holding you back . Damn it .

I was also wrong about shadow work . You got to go back . And also affirmations . I think I talked on this podcast about my love hate with affirmations . I was so sure affirmations were not for me . I felt like saying something in the moment See , here's my integrity switch again but saying something in the moment that was not true .

Like , uh , I am a multimillionaire . You know , I've read , or I've read or I listened to this book called um the millionaire mind , and while you're listening to him , he's like I am a millionaire , I think I have a millionaire mind , something like that .

Like he continually says the same sort of thing over and over and over again and suggests that you do , and I'm sitting there going what Like ? Is this not lying ? Is this not like ? I had this integrity piece to me and affirmations were the same . So when I was reading um , you know this book , uh , unfuck your mind , is that what it was called ?

I talked about it on a podcast earlier . But when I was reading it and he's like I'm not going to tell you to go and talk about affirmations , I was like , yes , finally someone is on my side about affirmations , and now I am obsessed with affirmations .

I was journaling through some stuff one day and all of a sudden I started just and I was just connecting into my higher power and all of a sudden affirmations just started rolling off my pen and I went shit . I was wrong about affirmations too .

Too often we have a belief that is so damn strong and we hold ourselves back from maybe adjusting that release or belief , or we hold ourselves back for some reason from opening our mind to something greater . For me it's this integrity piece . I said it one time , 417 years ago .

I believed it to be true when I was four years old and now I can't change my mind . That's crap . What I feel to be true now is that when I have a belief that I may hold very , very true and something comes along to question it , just like in the four agreements I have made an agreement before and now I get to challenge that belief .

I get to challenge whether it is still true to me in this moment and I can release it if it is no longer true . We need to give ourselves grace for changing our beliefs sometimes , because we evolve as we go .

There will be some agreements , some beliefs that you make from childhood that still serve you to this day , and that's great and you get to keep them . But if you are holding on to a belief that is not serving you , have the grace for yourself to say that is who I was before and I get to release this now if I choose .

Maya Angelou's quote rings true to me . It's like I keep hearing it in my brain . She said to Oprah one time we knew then what we knew how to do , and now that we know better , we can do better . Have the courage to open up to other possibilities and then , when you have that other possibility , you get to choose .

Does this new possibility , does this new belief , serve my higher self , or does my old belief serve my higher self ? Discard the one that doesn't . Old belief serve my higher self . Discard the one that doesn't .

There are so many beliefs that are holding us back and so many opportunities for us to grow . This is the work we are going to be doing , all of this work in my that Girl Manifesting bundle . We are going to be elevating ourselves . We are going to be looking at the shit that we think that holds us back .

We're going to be trying a number of different methods that I have used in the past . We are going to be digging deep into what holds us back . In many ways , we are always I believe we always have the opportunity to elevate . We always have the opportunity to shed some stuff that no longer serves us and step into something greater .

We are meant for more , so let's go do the work . Thank you so much for listening . I hope you've had some laughs , maybe some ideas , and that you've been inspired to take some type of action toward the life you've always dreamed of . If you feel so called , I would love it if you would share with your besties and leave a review down below .

I look forward to bringing you along on this journey and I will see you in the next episode .