It's not the crazy train ... it's better

I say random , crazy shit , which is why I called this podcast the way that I did , and I really hate long drawn out intros , so let's fucking go . It is extremely rare that I will ask my husband for business advice . I think twice now I've actually asked him . The first time was when I was trying to find music for the intro and outro of this podcast .

I knew that I wanted something more upbeat , more powerful , and I work with women to help them gain personal power , so I knew that I wanted something that would feel empowering . And so when I asked him , like what do you think really embodies me ? Like what feels like me ? And he instantly goes to his phone and he comes up with this .

He starts playing crazy train . He thought it was perfect . That was the first time I asked him for advice , and I have not asked him for advice until just yesterday , and I was talking to him about one of the women that I really , really appreciate is Mel Robbins . I listened to her podcasts . What I love about her is her realness and her vulnerability .

I think , just like Brene Brown says , like the way to true connection is vulnerability . So I love that Mel Robbins has that vulnerability aspect for me . I mean , when she's doing podcasts and she's interviewing an expert in some field , she will instantly say , wow , that's fascinating , that has just blown my mind .

And then she will talk about how , you know , she's currently going through something that she's really worried about one of her children that's away . She's very , very real in that aspect and I really appreciate that in her . And as I'm speaking , tam says to me your podcast doesn't sound like you . And I sat there and I went what ?

And he said when I listened to your podcast , it doesn't sound like you , like it doesn't sound like this conversation you and I are having . It doesn't sound like your voice is different , it doesn't sound like you . And he's right . He's right . I need to go back and listen to a few of the podcasts and then I need to listen to this one .

The energy is different when I'm coaching one-on-one or even actually when I'm in training sessions . I am speaking to one person , or I'm speaking to many , but they're in the group , like I can see what they're saying . And when I come onto this podcast , it feels like I'm talking to the masses .

And so I really sat and thought okay , well , what's the worst case scenario of someone misinterprets what I say ? Because , at the core of who I am , I'd never want to hurt someone's feelings . I also am a coach , not a cheerleader , so I'm not going to let you sit in your bullshit . Not a cheerleader , so I'm not going to let you sit in your bullshit .

I'm not going to let my clients just wallow in self-pity . I'm not going to let my clients focus on the negative all the time when I can see and me just saying oh , listen to your body , go and sleep for the next seven years . You know I'm going to point out their blind spots .

That's why I love coaching , that's why I love to have a coach , and that's what my husband did for me yesterday . He pointed out what I couldn't see . I knew that I felt off when I was recording the podcast . I was efforting , I was forcing , I was worried about not only what I was saying , but what people were hearing what I was saying .

Like does this and you know I had in the back of my mind . I had this track going in the back of my mind and it was . Am I explaining this clearly ? Am I getting to the point ? Am I rambling ? Are they ? Are they sleeping by now ? And I was .

Constantly I had the thought going through my mind of what I was saying and then I had the thoughts going through my mind of what you're hearing . And that is not how I coach and that's not what I'm like .

In my sessions , in my sessions that I teach , in my coaching sessions , I'm relaxed , I'm more laid back and I trust that what comes through my mind , what comes through my mouth , is divinely led . And a lot of times when I'm speaking , I know it's divinely led because I don't remember what I said .

When I get off the call , it's just literally running through me in this divine way , in this God-like way . It's like I'm giving messages from above directly to my clients . I rely on my intuition and I just sit in flow . Today on this podcast , I'm in flow . I forgot what flow felt like .

I was so distracted by what I was saying and also what I thought you were hearing that I wasn't showing up in the energy that I feel aligned to . I was showing up in a little bit of pushy energy and a little bit of task-oriented energy , more masculine energy than I feel is truly me . Everyone has . I mean a yin and a yang energy .

Yin energy is more receptive , it's more relaxed , it's more introspective and soft , which I feel that energy today . So I call that yin energy .

It's also referred to as feminine energy and more recently I did a training session this week and I called it goddess energy session this week and I called it goddess energy and I've spent too much time in yang energy , in masculine energy , in badass energy , and we all have both .

It's important to have both and I feel like when I was showing up in this podcast , it was yang energy , it was here's . I need to do this podcast , I need to record it , I need to put the beginning and the end on it , blah , blah , blah , blah , all of that stuff , right , and it was like check off to do , check off the to do , check off the to do .

And when you're in that doing energy , that pushy or not pushy energy , but that that like outward energy that sometimes it can , it can fall flat or it doesn't feel like it's as aligned as I want it to be . I really had to sit and think and like again . Twice he's given me advice . One time it was not good Um , funny as fuck , but not good Um .

You will notice I do not have crazy train as my intro music , but this was very good advice . It was very observant and bang on and it's probably why I fell out of love with with recording , because it felt like it was just one more to-do list , one more thing on my to-do list . So when I showed up here today , the energy that I have is different .

My voice , I think , even sounds different . It feels more me and it feels like coaching me , like non-judgmental , like I'm not worried about what I'm saying . I just trust that I'm going to be divinely led to say what you need to hear . So I'm committed to really focus on not what I'm doing but how I'm feeling when I do it .

I know this , I teach this , I talk about it's the energy that we have when we do the damn thing . That's the most important and I forgot that and I'm going to give myself grace and I'm going to give myself compassion , because this is the work .

It's just growth and evolution , it's just trying to be better and trying to be in awareness of ourselves and try to focus on being better . And if we fall down , the goal is to just feel it , brush ourselves off , release it and get back up as fast as possible and then stay up for as long as possible .

And so , for me , his advice or his observation that my voice didn't sound right , it didn't sound like me when I'm talking to people . It doesn't sound like me when I'm coaching people . It doesn't sound like me when I'm on horses it was really , really transformational . Yeah , because my goal is always to be me 100% of the time .

I want you to feel inspired and I want you to feel powerful , and I want you to feel that being vulnerable is okay and I want you to know that judgment is not truth . When you come to this podcast , I want you to leave feeling better . I want you to leave feeling inspired .

I want you to leave learning something about yourself or having some sort of self-awareness . I want you to listen to it and think is this something that I can take away ? Or how does this relate to me ? And how can I learn from what Sandra's fucked up at ? Or how can I learn from her stories .

How can I take away something that I can implement in my life so that I can stand in my own personal power ?

My goal is for you to be excited when you see the notification come up at the top of your phone that says I've just not dropped a new podcast , and my goal is for you to see that I'm just doing this messy and I hope that I can show up like Mel Robbins .

The only thing that we can do is to show up in our power and be our authentic selves , speak the way we speak . The only thing that we can do to feel as powerful as we are and to live our own bliss is to be who we are , no matter what someone thinks , says or misinterprets . I'm not for everyone .

I won't be for everyone , and neither will you , and that's okay . We're still going to be okay

. I hope you can feel the difference in the energy . I hope that I can design my space so that I'm reminded to show up in the energy that feels authentic to me , that I show up when I coach and sometimes that's badass , sometimes it is . Sometimes it's me saying whoa , where the fuck did you go ? Why are you going there ? Why are you ?

You know , why are you doing the opposite to what we discussed , and I hope and pray that you love this as much as me . Thank you so much for listening . I hope you've had some laughs , maybe some ideas , and that you've been inspired to take some type of action toward the life you've always dreamed of .

If you feel so called , I would love it if you would share with your besties and leave a review down below . I look forward to bringing you along on this journey and I will see you in the next episode .