"The Battles We've Fought & The Lessons We've Learned" w/ Shawn Rae & Julio Mercado

I believe in divine appointments and I believe this brother's here for a reason. Uh, so welcome to the podcast. Boom. You know, both of you, but especially you, 'cause you, you travel from really far there to get out here, you know? So, uh, Shawn we're gonna start with you? You, you wanna tell like the people, how did we get, in touch connected? uh, reaching out and connecting to Wrong to strong and you know?

But then, uh, eventually, you know, um, the drugs got ahold of me and, uh, just kind of sent me on a journey of just me just, you know, running from myself, you know. Um, but then, uh, I remember eight years ago, I got, I cried out to Jesus in the abandoned building. Um, I said, if you're real, if you're the God you said that you are, if you can save my life, then, uh, then you'll save me right now just because I want to die.

I feel like I'd finally reached the, the complete end of myself, you know, um, but I had a faithful, loving grandmother, you know, who, who, who loved Jesus with all her heart, who, uh, prayed for me, you know, my entire life, she, uh, she told me from when I was a kid that she would die praying for me, you know, and then, uh, 2011, that's what happened, she, uh, passed away of cancer.

Um, but I was the darkest moment of my life, you know, um, dealing with the streets and drug addiction and everything. And, uh, it took another couple of years after she passed away for me to have that abandoned building moment. And, uh, and so, yeah, I cried out to Jesus in the abandoned building. And two days later, I was on a bus to Colorado Springs to, uh, this little discipleship program called U Turn for Christ. And, um, that's where the Lord really worked on me.

And, you know, it was, uh, kind of like a spiritual boot camp. of sorts for me. And, you know, it was good because I finally got an opportunity to just kind of learn who Jesus really was, you know, and, um, get to learn a little bit more about, you know, what he had done for me, you know, and so, um, that sent me on a journey, you know, eight years ago, took another about three, four years for me to fully submit my, my life to the Lord. Um, God, we did a lot of stuff.

He purged a lot of things out of my life, but then he, um, brought an amazing woman into my life in the church and stuff. And so, We ended up getting married and then buying a house and then having a baby, but, uh, went through a moment there where she, uh, prayed for me through, through a dark moment, you know, um, and, uh, that led me to become surrendered to the Lord. And then from that day forward, that was about five years ago, that day forward, you know, I've been sold out for, for Jesus.

And, uh, I just fell in love with his word. You know what I'm saying? And, um, he just took me to school and then, um, uh, about a year, year or so ago, you know, I had, um, come across some, some things online, uh, ministry called wrong to strong, you know, and, uh, came across that brother JC. Um, he was doing some videos and stuff and I just, uh, kind of captivated me and I related to a lot of the things that he was saying and, uh, I felt the Holy Spirit, you know, all over him.

Yeah. You know, in his videos and stuff and, you know, maybe even before he'd even, you know, given his life to the Lord. Cause

Keep within ourselves, you know, um, that stuff, um, the details, the politics of those things don't really get talked about and stuff, you know, uh, but I noticed that, you know, he was kind of talking about a lot of things that I was familiar with and, um, it just struck my attention. But yeah, I had felt, you know, I had felt just an anointing on him.

Um, even through the stuff he was talking about, I just felt like, you know, you know, his heart, like I heard his heart, you know, in those videos. And I think that's what really, that's what really struck me. And then, um, same thing with my wife, you know, she, she was watching some of this stuff with me too.

And, uh, you know, I just find myself just like crying and praying over him, you know, um, weird, you know, I'd be in my living room just watching the videos and stuff and just listening to a story and just relating to it, but then just praying, man, God save him. You know, I felt like he, he was somebody that would just be a powerhouse for the Lord, you know, Um, with his background and just his testimony and stuff. And so, um, and the,

It was like, uh, the Lord had given him this, this, this position, this platform to, to, to reach a lot of people, you know, And, um, as I was listening to people and stuff, you know, I noticed a lot of people were, were really, you know, influenced by him and stuff and just some of the things he was talking about, but then, you know, just some of the places he's been, you know, um, but for me personally, you know, at this time in my life, I was just like, you know, I was walking with the Lord

and things and, uh, I gained a big community in my church and, Um, a lot of people were praying for me and stuff, but I still had this like disconnect kind of inside of just like, you know, I, I'd come so far away from who I was that I was still kind of learning, you know, my new identity in Christ and everything. And just, um. through his, you know, social media and stuff like that. You know, I felt like there was this deeper rooted spiritual connection, you know, with him and stuff like that.

And that, um, I just instantly, I mean, I remember just breaking, crying and praying, just praying over it like, Lord, I'd love to be a part of something bigger than myself. Um, I really wanted to, uh, I wanted to influence and impact the world, you know, And, uh, I saw that he was doing that and stuff like that, and I was really encouraged by it and stuff.

And then, um, you know, eventually, uh, I know you had started this podcast, you know, JC came to you and asked you to start this podcast and stuff. And, you know, I think it was a few podcasts in when I actually caught it and started listening to it and stuff. And man, from the first time I listened to the podcast, just hearing other brothers coming out the streets, coming outta Chicago and stuff like that, all having encounters with the Holy Spirit. Giving their lives to Christ, man.

Holy spirit fell on me and we're the first podcast I listened to. And I just felt the Lord telling me, man, reach out, you know, reach out. And so, you know, I prayed about it. I'm like, I don't know, man, I don't want to be weird, you know, and stuff

You know, it was like, God started putting these pieces together and then brought me to that verse where he talks about working all things together for the good, for those who love God and who are called according to his purposes. Thank Um, with this calling I felt I had on my life, I just felt like, you know, um, it was time. And so, um, I did a lot of healing up until that point, you know, um, become really rooted and grounded in my faith and the church that I was in at the time.

Um, and then I was like, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do? You know, um, I had opportunities to get involved with ministries and stuff like that out in the Springs, but you know, I just felt like they were just. Popping up and shutting down all, you know, and I didn't want, I wanted something consistent, man. One thing I had prayed to the Lord a long time ago was like, man, I want consistency and stability and discipline in my life.

You know, cause those were three things that I, uh, was lacking most of my life. Just my home and just, you know, struggles with family and the streets and stuff like that. And so. Um, my heart's desire was to be a part of something that I felt like was, was going to last and like the guys were, were, were disciplined enough to be, continue to be intentional about it, you know? Um, and so, uh, I just saw a lot of people wavery and stuff around me and just a lot of people were still unsure.

And so it just kind of left me in this place of like, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do? And so when I reached out to you and then the Lord worked all this thing out, I just. And from that point on, you know, like you said, the confirmation stuff, like I would feel the Holy Spirit telling me to do something, but then I had elders in the church that would tell me, Hey, you know, um, ask God to confirm it for you, you know? Um, but the Holy Spirit is, you know, he goes before us, right?

He kind of clears the path for us and, and, and it's up to us to just be obedient and trusting in him and having faith in what he has already had set out. And so,

And so, uh, I remember her saying that from the time I was young, but then she said it over and over, you know, every time I'd move, I'm going to try over here, you know, she'd say it again, you know, Sean, everywhere you go, there you are. And, uh, eventually that set in, you know, um, it really didn't really hit me until after I got saved after she passed away and stuff like that. And then a lot of those little things she used to say to me, you know, are now starting to make sense.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, we don't understand that when we're young or when, you know, but those are seeds that are, that are being planted and stuff. And so when I understood that was when I got into this program in Colorado and I started to change. I started to feel like my heart changing and like. You know, um, my mind was changing, just things were changing about me, you know, and I was like, Oh, you know, that's what she means by that. You know, um, the change starts within us.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I'm

I just felt like, well, this is just what it is, you know, right. Um, but man, I got a hold of my heart and that abandoned building worked on me. Took a couple more years, you know, um, I didn't submit right away, you know, it took a couple of years because, you know, I was just lost all over again.

It was like, you know, the Lord starts to weed things out of your life and then you kind of find yourself in this place of where you feel like alone, you know, kind of, and that's just kind of where I was at, but. Um, it wasn't finally until I kind of like looked up and realized that man, God had put a whole community of people around me to pray for me and to support me and to give me grace so that I could grow. Right, right, right. You know, and, and, and that was the biggest thing for me.

Cause I felt like if anybody tried to tell me what I was doing wrong too much in the beginning, that would have just walked away all over. Yeah,

And so it's like, you know, when you, when you're real young and you endure, you know, some of the inflictions and things that you deal with on the streets, um, when you're older, it's like, you know, you never grow out of that, you know, it's like it kind of becomes who you are in a sense, because, you know, that was the more formulative years of your life. And so. Those are the most impactful years.

And for a lot of us, you know, it started real young, you know, um, just getting in trouble and all that stuff. Hey, Sean,

And when I cut it, one of the airport police watched me, started beeping at me, then he started following me. So I, I get up there to where Shawn's at. He's waiting for me to pick him up. And I got this police guy just right, right. He pulls up right next to me and he's mean mugging me, man. So like, man, welcome to Chicago, Shawn. Hey, the guy that's picking him up is being followed by the police, man. How does that feel, Shawn?

One time said you guys do zoom Bible studies and man, it just kind of, you know, it sparked me. I was like, man I got to get involved in that, you know, so I went to the first couple Bible studies with you guys I think I shared some a little bit here and there and then This is

But ultimately, man, get rooted and grounded in the word of God. Learn, you know, um, I know all of us had been perverted in one way or another by. You know, um, traumas and past life and things like that. And so, um, the word of God is truth. You know, it was something my grandmother always told me when I was a kid. She's like, any, anybody ever asked you what you're reading when you're reading your Bible, just tell them the truth. I

That he gave his only son, you know, and so, but anyway, yeah, so, uh, get got involved with this Bible study and then eventually JC reached out and he's like, you know, I need to talk to you for a second and we talked and he's like, you know, I really want to keep this Bible study consistent, you know, um, obviously, you know, people have life and plans and they're busy and stuff like that.

But in my heart, man, I just felt like, God told me to just continue to obey his word and to just continue to Let the word just kind of become implanted on my heart and and really focus on that He said let this become who you are.

So you don't have to worry about what you do I'll take care of it what to do part and so when he asked If I were he asked if I would lead this Bible study Because I've been consistent with it, you know and stuff like that and I was honored, you know I prayed and I asked the Lord and The Lord said, yes, you know, like very, you know, very strongly in my spirit, I felt telling me to do this and I'm not gonna lie, you know, I kicked against, you know, being a leader for, for a long time, you know,

I had no problem out there on the streets, but like, when it comes to, when it comes to teaching the word of God, you know, it's something that the Bible takes very seriously and, Um, I know Paul would, would say things like, you know, don't all desire to become teachers because you will be held at a higher account, you know, for, for teaching the word of God. I mean, the Lord says, you know, he holds, he holds the word above his own name, you know?

So if God's holding the word above his own name, I was like, Lord, you know, I don't know if I want that, you know? Um, but, you know, been leading a couple of Bible studies out in Colorado Springs for a little while with a couple of friends out there and stuff. The ones out there

Um, and I was asked to come alongside my friend Adam and, and lead this Bible study out there and it's been fruitful, man. We just, uh, open up the word, you know, go through the book that we feel like the Holy Spirit's telling us to go through. Um, we just got out of first John, we're now in first Corinthians, but man, just, just going through the word of God and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal it to us as we go. And man, he does, um, it, it, it's amazing.

Like if you don't put too much thought into it and you just ask the spirit to reveal his word to you. And he will, you know, and so through that, you know, JC asked me if I would do this and I felt ready, you know, um, I felt like the Lord was telling me that, you know, that he trusted me and, um, but one of my prayers was like, I want to be able to trust myself doing this too, you know, cause that's how much of a reverence I have for God's word, you know?

Um, and that's truly what fearing the Lord is, is a reverence, a reverential fear for God, you know? And so. Through that, you know, I just, uh, I said, okay. And so that was a couple of weeks ago now. Um, and so now we're, you know, we've been consistent with it every Friday night, just leading this Bible study. And it's been great. You know, we're going through a book now called the fundamentals of faith. Um, and that's, that's by who, uh, John McArthur and it's so foundational, man.

I'm telling you

And, um, and so really this is an opportunity for guys to understand what it really looks like to be a leader. Thank you. You know, um, but first and foremost, to learn how to love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and then also love the people around you, you know, loving your wife, loving your neighbor as yourself. You know, the Bible says as yourself in there, because we, we already had this natural love for self, right? But, um, agape love, the father's love, is a selfless love.

Um, it's a love that seeks others over itself. And so, I know me personally, I had to learn that. Um, I had to learn how to love in a godly way, in a biblical way. And, um, for me, it's just been a great place to really learn, just like you said, the simplicity. Of what it means to walk with the Lord and to love him and to love others. Um, cause truly that's what we're here for is to learn how to love God and love his people.

And so, um, really for me, like that's, that's, that's been primary for me because, you know, I grew up in a household where, you know, I love you. Wasn't said very often, you know, uh, we were talking about that earlier and when it

It was, we didn't really say I love you, like, it's funny, you know, my dad passed away two years ago, you know, and before he passed away, we would talk a lot, you know, he lived in Puerto Rico and I used to, um, I used to laugh because I used to tell my wife, like, watch, watch, watch, watch, and to make him uncomfortable, like, it always made him very uncomfortable at the end of the conversation, all right, pop, I'll see, you know, I love you.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. You know, and like, even like as a grown man, you know, like, cause we were never like that, you know, I never used to say that to him either, you know, it wasn't something that we said, but then like, you know, as we got older, you know, I started like, you know, learning how to, to love people, learning how to accept love. And so, you know, I, I made it a point, you know, when I would get off the phone with him, you know, I wanted to make it a point to tell my father, like.

You know, I love you and I always notice like, even through the phone, I know it's like, I'm uncomfortable.

It does, you know, the devil was a liar, you know, like it was, it was not like, Hey, you know, I love you. So, you know, never, never like the, you know, the, you know, the heartfelt conversation, no, no, we didn't, we never did nothing like that.

So, you know, it's just, it's different, you know, you were also talking about like how, you know, I'm noticing too, that like, it seems like in this day and age, like You know, certain things are being like perverted, almost like the world is like being becoming like, it has almost like, you know, you're saying like, you know, how the Lord has called us to lead our household, but like, it's almost at a point like where like society is almost trying to demonize that, like, you know, like, you

know, a man is leading his household. Oh, you know, he's, he's controlling his wife, toxic masculinity, you know, and it's like, they're like, almost like outlawing, like you being a man and that's, that's the problem. That's why. We have these kids running the street. That's why we have this lunacy and this, this chaos, because there isn't, there is no more

Yeah. You know, you can't be out there just doing any old thing and, you know, expecting, you know, respect and, you know, that's not leadership. You know, if you're gonna lead your house, you gotta be a true. A true leader, you know what I mean? But I feel like, you know, like there's nothing wrong with Like a man leading his house. That's our job. That's what we're supposed to

That's due to the man's submission to Christ, you know, and if a man is off or, or sideways in that, in that perspective, then, um, we're not going to be good leaders, you know, we'll lead our family right off a cliff, you know, um, we need direction, we need purpose, we need hope, and we need to be able to extend and exude that hope to our loved ones.

And so, as a man, you know, this Bible study is, is that opportunity, it's an opportunity for us to, to learn how to be a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, but also to be a healthy leader, you know, um, somebody who, who our, our wives, our, our sons and daughters are going to be willing to want to follow. You know, um, and so I know for me, that's, that's been a big thing, um, for me in this Bible study and stuff like that. It's just, just learning all that.

Showing honor to the woman, showing honor that's big, you know, and we're not trying to minimize or, you know, so we show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be may not be hindered. So when we're not honoring the woman, we're not honoring our wives. According to scripture says that it hinders our prayers. But this is the thing that stood out to me. I've never heard it explained this way.

It says to honor the women as the weaker vessel. It doesn't mean that they're weak, they're just weaker. And this is what we learned, men are weak too. We're weak ourselves, that's why we need God.

That's why going back to what you shared about how they should follow the man, but as long as the man is following God, you know, if a man is in rebellion, we shouldn't expect the woman to be trying to follow along somebody who's Maybe doing things contrary to the word of God or abusive, violent, and that's not what we're sharing.

But if a man is fulfilling his God given role as a man and living according to the scripture, then that, that's when the wife and the children, you know, come, come in line. And

We don't feel like we need to help, you know, but then eventually, as men, we crash our car into a wall and then we end up in a place where we're like, man, how did I get here? You know, I did this, this and this, but I still ended up in this place, you know, Um, for me, brokenness was breaking free of that. Just that my pride, you know, thinking that I had it all under control and that I could take control and stuff like that. And um, brokenness for me is man, I'm up at 44 30 every morning.

You know, um, as soon as I open my word, I'm like, Lord, I need you to cut me with this thing before I cut anybody else with it. Um, and when I do that man is like I feel like I'm able to process, you know, my emotions. I feel like I'm able to, to, to, to experience healing. Um, for a lot of the things that I felt like I did on my own, you know, that the places that I ended up and stuff like that.

So, so brokenness for me, honestly, is just, uh, acknowledging that I can't do this on my own, you know, that I, that I truly, I truly need the Lord to love my wife. You know, I need the Lord to love my daughter.

Um, and to love my mom and my dad, you know, you know, ultimately God is a God of restoration and of reconciliation and I wasn't able to experience any of that until I understood what it meant to, to, to die to my ways and my wants and my wills and my desires and, and truly just lay them at the cross, you know, give them to God and just let him be the one that works through me.

Ain't no thing in my house. And I was like, you know, same with my dogs. I'm kissing my dogs, loving my dogs.

And that's what God used to help kind of break the ice of being able to receive love. 'cause I'm not gonna lie, it was, it was uncomfortable for me, you know? 'cause I did grow up in a house that there wasn't a lot of the I love you and stuff going on, and the only thing I love you on the streets is here man. Go get Right. You know?

Or whatever, it's like, it's, it's not real love, you know, and so when I experienced real love, it took me a while to process it, you know, mentally, um, and, uh, I get why, you know, people, you know, get scared of emotions because, you know, they become so foreign to you, especially when you've masked them for so many years, you know, and I felt like I was experiencing how I felt when I was a child and I'm as an adult, you know, and so it was, it was rocky for me in the beginning, man, but

I'm thankful that the Lord kept me and that, You know, I, I knew I got here because, because the Lord saved my life. And so from that point was when I just started to pick and choose love, you know, for me, it was a choice in the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. You know, no, no, that's good,

I like to say I had a heart transplant, you know, God started to change my heart and I started to kind of look around me and I'm like, okay, well. How am I gonna, how am I gonna stop doing what everybody else is doing in this environment, Lord, like, get me out of here. You know? But God did a lot of work on me through that. I ended up becoming the one who started to influence instead of being the one influenced by others.

And, uh, I, you know, I was able to, to quit, you know, everything, the cigarettes and like, everything at that point in my life. And it was, It was when I felt like the Lord said it was time that he ended up giving me a job that was a tree job tree removal arborist And in the beginning, I'm like, I don't know if I'm gonna do physical labor, you know, but I mean, the door was so wide open for me to do this work. I just, you know, I'm not a quitter and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go for it.

Like who, who, who, who's the one

And so when I shared my testimony, um, this brother came up to me, it was like, Hey, I, I run a tree business. Um, would you like to do part time work with us, just earn some extra cash? And I said, sure. And so I did that for about a year, uh, part time, you know, maybe one day or two days a week I would do some tree work with him, but I was still cooking in the kitchen. Um, well, when COVID hit, um, it shut everything down, you know?

And so, um, right then and there he came to me at church and he's like, you know, I had a falling out with my, with my partner. Would you like to come full time with me? And by that time I had worked up enough of the, you know, muscles and stuff like that to do that work. And I'm like, sure, why not? I still wasn't quite, you know, a hundred percent sure. Like this is what I wanted to do.

Um, but over that next year after COVID, um, I just started to notice a lot of things, um, just clearing up in my mind, like all of a sudden my mind, I was, I became a lot sharper. I started to become a lot, um, just more sensitive to the spirit and I just felt like God's supernaturally healing me from the inside out.

And, um, it was noticeable, you know, it was like I would go to work and I do work and I come home and I just would feel just like, just a free flow, like run through me, you know, like.

Um, it felt like life started to become a lot more easier and a lot of the mental, you know, stuff that I was dealing with started to, to vanish, you know, and, um, so I took advantage of that and I, I really started to dig into God's word and it was like in, in that first, those first couple of years, um, as I started to think clearer and stuff like that was able to retain. More information and things like that.

I just, I started digging into the word of God and I just kind of took myself to school, you know, and

Like Maybe the being outdoors, being in nature, like, well, what do you think made it, even though it was hard work, even though it was like, uh, labor intensive, that you receive healing, even though your body in a sense is like, you know,

Yeah. Like the first couple weeks or whatever month, it's like, oh God, yeah. Yeah. I don't wanna get up. It doesn't feel good. Right, right. You know? Yeah. Uh, but eventually you get past that and then like you almost need it to feel good. Got, yeah. Yeah. You know? Gotcha. Yo, it became a drug. Yeah. For me at that point. And, you know, that was something, um, that I'd asked the Lord is like, you know, Um, God, you, you got rid of the drugs in my life.

You got rid of all the hurt, the pain, the anger. Now help me replace all that, you know, and, and that was how he did it. You know, um, he, I felt like he brought me back into, into creation, you know? Um, I mean, we were all created out of the dust of the earth, you know? And so I believe there's something to that. We have a, we have a connection to all of God's creation. And so, um, that's kind of what I felt like, you know, when I, as I do this work now, it's like.

Getting through the hard part and then getting to the part where I felt like now it's like every time I go to work, I feel like the spirit's ministering to me, you know, we're

That's true. It's like, God will come in and cut the dead parts off of us and it'll bring nutrients into the, into the, into the parts of us that need healing and, and growth, you know, it's like growth happens. And then, you know, we're able to blossom and bloom and, you know, and then fruit, you know, let's,

I guess.

Um, You know, like to stop, you know, after 50 years, you just stop smoking and just like that and drink and like, and never even think about it anymore. Like some people are like, Oh, you know, yeah, I still want to do it. And maybe like, you know, sometimes in the summertime you smell like a barbecue and it makes you think of a cold beer or something like that. But honestly, like even that now it's gone. I feel like ever since I, I came to the Lord, just.

Um, just, uh, I just feel like I want it to, to do better. That's like the main, main thing. Um, I couldn't say anything like that. I lost because I didn't lose anything that I was meant to have. Um, I, anything that I don't do now that I used to do, I, I can't even call it a loss. So I can't even bring it to mind because it's, it's so far gone. It's so far removed. Um, the only thing I can say is, is just. Just that's the improvement, how everything has improved everything.

I'm learning how to, to see the blessings and stuff that you would before think of like, oh man, like, you know, this is bad and just learning like to, to see past things and, and to have this, this trust and this faith and no matter what, it seems like it's falling apart around you. Like before I would have had the mentality that, oh man, everything is just falling apart. And now I feel like I could stand in the Lord and just be like, Oh, look, everything's falling right into place.

You know, it's like, it's, it's completely changed. Like I have that faith. I have that trust in the beginning. I did it in the beginning. Like the devil was attacking me and I was just like, Oh, you know, I was frazzled. And, you know, just, it just didn't, everything was just falling apart. And now it's like, no, it's not, it was never falling apart. It was just was falling in place. Everything, you know, you said like, um, I was just, all the dead wood was being trimmed.

I mean, that's really what was happening. And I think like at first it's just, it's painful at first when you don't know what's going on, you know, but then when you start realizing, Hey, this is what's happening, you know, then you, you're ready to accept, like you said, like those nutrients, you're ready to, to blossom. You're ready to start growing. Right. And that's where, you know, that's, that's the big change that's happened, you know, since, um, since I came to the Lord.

Just the, just the confidence, you know, that yeah. He's not gonna steer me wrong and nothing is gonna fall apart. Everything is gonna be exactly as it might not be how I want it to be. Yeah. In fact, it usually isn't It's usually better that way too though. Yeah. But it, it, it's always how it should be. Amen. And how it needs to be, you know. Man, praise God. I mean, just, you know, for doing that, I just, there, there's nothing better that ever could have happened.

It's just letting him take control and steer everything and, and just take it where it needs to be. I trust him now. Like I trust him. Like, I don't know where it's going, but that's where we're going. You know, that's it. I mean, they say like, you know, when you, when you live in the Lord, like you have to learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Yeah, man. And that's what's happening. Yeah. The more uncomfortable I am, the more comfortable I am.

Like, like I think about it, it's been 18 years for me, no drugs, you know, no weed, no alcohol. And I have joy now, man. Like before I needed a drink, I needed to get high. I don't know why, but before I had a. Like if I like self diagnose myself back then, I had a lot of social anxiety. I don't know why. So the only time I could relax or be at ease or at peace was when I was drinking or smoking, man.

And almost like I needed that, like, to have fun and now, ever since, like, like, uh, I came to Christ and the Holy Spirit, you know, like, filled me. Like, man, I have joy. Like, I don't need a drink to have fun. I don't... You know, I don't, you know, the buzz

Okay. There was no, no, I mean, there's times where you like, you know, I kind of forced myself to, but like, man, it's such short lived. You know, um, the Holy Spirit, man, it's there forever, you know what I'm saying?

And, uh, but that's what I noticed is like those things that used to make me, like you said, social anxiety, I didn't have as much social anxiety, but I had different anxieties and things that I felt like I needed to use in order to do, especially out there on the streets, you know what I'm saying? There's a lot of things I used to use to try to mask and think that I needed this in order to do what I had to do. Um, and then when I, like when I backslid there for, for a little bit is like.

It wasn't doing that anymore. It was actually having the opposite effect. You know, I would start to get like anxieties or I'd start to get that. You'd start to feel that man. Um, that it was garbage, you know, um, the Holy spirit inside of you, man, when you, when you accept it and receive it, it's so much more real than anything this world has to offer.

Um, but that's the thing is like, you don't really, like the Bible says, like, we can't even really fully comprehend this side of heaven supernaturally what, what the Holy Spirit does inside of us, you know, his ways are so much higher than our ways. Um, but yeah, it's, it can be uncomfortable for a little bit, man, but like, man, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Like I go to church today.

We were talking earlier about just worshiping God, you know, and how your life becomes an act of worship. But then when you can let your mind kind of, Um, kind of let go of your thoughts of the things that are, you know, the walls that you've built up and stuff and you just let yourself receive that worship from God. It's like, I don't care what anybody says or what they think about me or if I look like a fool or whatever.

I don't even care because when I'm in right standing with the Lord, all I want to do is worship God. Yeah. You know, it's like you find yourself like that's all you want to do, you know, like your life just becomes worship. I think

I'm like, man. God, you're still on the throne, no matter what I'm going through. And I just begin to praise him. And in the midst of praising him, like my situation is still there, what I'm encountering is still there. But those feelings leave, like, you know what, God? Like, man, I'm going to worship you because you're worthy to be praised. And it's, it's like a reset. Like, man, you know what?

worship you no matter what, you know, like, uh, uh, praise you on the storm is one song that comes to me by, ca casting crowns, praise you on the storm, you know? Uh, so, so what's one song that like, man, that it's like your go to or you just get in tune with him when you hear it. I

Kevin Jones. Okay. Yeah.

But man, his heart, like for the Lord, was what really showed me that it was possible, you know, um, to just be that free, you know, just seeing the freedom in his worship, but then his music is just so anointed, you know? Um, and that's the thing that anointing man, um, you, you can have all these gifts and talents in the world, man, but without that anointing, without that, that, that, that strength of the Holy Spirit man, like, um, it just falls on deaf ears for me.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Um, But when the spirit of God is attached to the music, man, it's like, there are many songs that I could, that I could listen to, but that one really stuck out. All right. Well, what

Teach, you know, like to trust in God, you know, and like, you don't have to question nothing, you know, like, as long as your faith is there, like, like I was saying earlier, like nothing really, there is no loss as long as you're good with, with God, as long as you go with the Lord, your savior. That's all that matters. Like you said, like you wouldn't care if you was naked,

Uh, you know what a, um, uh, Timothy Brindle, he's a old school hip hop, but man, they, he be like preaching like the books of the Bible, man. I, I, I love that kind of hip hop. Yes. Uh, uh, uh, Shai Linne as well. If you guys get a a, a chance, I'll say Shai Linne and Timothy Brindle. If you guys want to, in a sense, like hear the Bible, but being flowed to in a hip hop way, I'll say, man, definitely check out those two artists there. But, um, I'm right there with you brothers.

Sometimes it's like worship, like you said, traditional, but with me, like my go to is a hip hop, uh, gospel Christian. That, that, that gets me, you know, that's my workout music.

Well there was an artist at the time, his name Sevin, from Hog. Hog Mob. Oh yeah. Another one. So, um, I actually, uh, one of the pastors in my church is part of his ministry. Oh, no way. Yeah. And before Hog Mob Ministries. Hog Mob, yeah. Hooked on God ministry over business. Um, I gotta bring him up, man, because um, when that Holy Spirit fell on me and I told my wife, I'm like, It's over. You know, I'm done. I'm free. Like it was such a supernatural experience.

I remember he had two albums out called one called rather die than deny and another one called forever mob. And those two albums, they both came out 2018 and back to back. It was just I would play them over running out across the street into the park and just running around the park for hours playing these two albums because they just they they They were speaking right into just all of the darkness that I had had in my heart and in my life and stuff like that.

And this, I felt like, you know, I was like he was doing deliverance on me through his music, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I literally just felt chains falling off of me running around that park that day. But every time I go back to those two albums, man, I just break.

And cry, man, because you know, that's where the Holy Spirit really got me because he's, he's, he's anointed to, you know, he, um, he, he's kind of stepped back from doing a lot of ministry because he didn't want to, he wouldn't, he, he didn't like the performance, you know, people were chasing after him because of, you know, his performances and, and, and the abilities,

And, um, he's built this army man called hog mob. And that's what they do. They, they, they do these things called pray for my hood. And they, they go into the hoods and stuff and they pray for people, you know, and they do little outreach events and stuff and, but yeah, man, he's, he's, uh, he's pretty

And that like, that was, he didn't, you know, he felt convicted cause he wasn't able to give his brother the gospel. You know, right before he passed away, he was like, yeah, I'm going to see you this week. And, you know, his brother passed away before he could do that. And so that was what really changed him, like his heart, as far as like, man, you know, this is life and death, you know what I'm saying? For all of us, you know what I'm saying? And so,

Like, you know what, you know, this Jesus, there's no following God. It sounds good, but not today. You know, if you're out there listening, you may be saying, you know what I meant? These guys, you know, I've been listening to the podcast. You know, man, what God's done in their lives, amazing transformation, you know, maybe I'll want it, but later let me continue to party.

Let me continue to have a little fun, one more hit, you know, one more puff of whatever it is, but you're not guaranteed tomorrow. I got

Um, truly the Holy Spirit would do its job, but yeah, there's those opportunities. I mean, I'm sure we can all think about them where, you know, man, I should have shared that with him or, man, you know, I should have just told him about this or told him about that. Cause you're right. You never know. Um, but at the same time, we also, I had to come to realize that I personally can't save anybody. Right. You know what I'm saying?

And as much as I want my mom and my, my family and my friends saved, you know, at the end of the day, the best thing I can do for them is to live this thing out in my life. You know, and to continue to, to sow those seeds and stuff, maybe pray for him, you know? Yeah. And I mean, I remember my grandmother, you know, she would tell me, she's like, I'm at least going to give you Jesus to the point to when you're ready to cry out to him, you know, who to cry out to. Wow.

I know Sean, you know, like, especially if they're in your inner circle and your family. And all we can do is pray for em', you know, like you mentioned and live it out. Well, and

And, uh, yeah, so what God was doing to me and he was starting to do through me was starting to impact people around me, you know, and, um, that's, that's what really kind of encouraged me to let me know, like, man, our consistency and I walk with Christ too, is really going to speak volumes, you know what I'm saying, showing that it's, it's not, this isn't a phase or fab or anything that, you know what I'm saying? Or, I'm not trying to earn, gain any credibility from anybody or anything.

It's like, no man, like this is the truth, man. This is really, this is really what God is doing in me, you know? And so when people see that over time, it's like, you know, that you'll see a lot of people have their own experiences through, through, you know, them seeing your life change and stuff. And like Jesus, like you said, like he became a prophet without honor in his own homeland. I mean, his own people crucified him, you know what I'm saying?

But, um, Due to God's loving grace and his long suffering and patience with us, man, Um, it's not gonna stay that way. You know, uh, I truly believe it says in the Bible, um, There's gonna come a day where every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. And so that's the faithfulness of our God, man. It's like, he's not leaving any one of us out. You know, um, he has a plan and a purpose for all of our lives.

And if you're willing to accept it and receive it, man, he can flip your entire world upside down. And, man... If

You know, whether they accept the Lord or not, that's, there's nothing we could do about that, you know, and I remember I was always stressed about like, Oh, you know, I have to, you know, get, you know, this affair in order that affair in order. And, and, you know, finally it's like, like, like the Holy Spirit is like, well, it revealed to me, like, you know, like you are responsible for your salvation. You have no control over nobody else's salvation.

Do you, you know, you could lead a, bring a horse to water. You can't make them drink, you know, All you can do is you can just point, you know, be at your kids, you know, your best friends, family members, people that you love. I was literally stressing myself to death, you know, concerned over what happens if I die right now, you know what I'm saying? And, and finally, it's just like you, you have to worry about your salvation because no matter what you do, you can't make somebody.

You know, you can't control if somebody goes to heaven or not, or believes or not. That's right. And yeah, you know, life is short. You never know, like what tomorrow holds. I mean, you really, you know, like I was watching, um, Pastor Chan and he was, um, talking about how Herod won, you know, Was talking to the people one day and they all started hailing him like, Oh, like he's a God. He's a God He's a God and and he let them.

Yeah, he didn't correct them and he instantly felt dead right there Just like that. So, you know Really tomorrow's not promised in five minutes is not promised. You could you know, there's had been so many cases of Perfectly healthy people, just sudden heart attack, boom, dead, brain aneurysm. You have to get right there. Like you said, like you were saying, like, you know, tomorrow, you know, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, you know, I think the more that you live in the world to like.

We should realize it. But for some reason we don't, we should know if anybody tomorrow's not promised, man, you walk out of here, you don't know who's out there waiting. You don't know what's going on, you know? So like tomorrow's not promised. Like you have to get right with God right now, right now. There is no tomorrow.

Ask Him to give you a sign. Ask Him to show Himself to be real. You know, um, ask Him for this. You know, ask Him for the Holy Spirit. Ask Him, you know, for Jesus to come into your heart and to change your life. You know, um,

You just ask Jesus to come into your heart and to come into your life. And he will. And I will tell you up until you, you decide to make that commitment, um, all of this stuff is veiled to those who are perishing. So you might not be able to see what we're saying today, but if you were to ask Jesus to come into your life, he will show you, you know, and he'll do it personally. You know what? I'm going to pray.

They're at that point, like my brother mentioned, they're, they're on the fence, they don't know, they don't know where to go, what to do, but today they're, they're crying out to you, they're calling out to you, Father, so I just pray right now that I know you, you, you turn your ears, uh, to them, to their prayer, to their cry, their cry of repentance, and we know that you forgive them, Father, so I just ask, Father, fill them with your Spirit.

Like my brother mentioned, uh, take the, the veils father, the, the scales of their eyes that they will behold you father, uh, maybe before they try to read the scripture and couldn't understand that. I pray father that the next time they pick up their Bible, that it will come alive to them, that they will be able to understand, they will be able to grasp father what it is that they are reading. And I just thank you father for their salvation.

I thank you father that you're breaking off a generational curses and strongholds father for, uh, uh, from, from them. Uh, things that they were walking in father, I pray for deliverance, father, deliverance and in the sense father that you, you give them freedom. Father, from whatever has them bound, whatever has, has been having them captive father, whatever has been having them enslaved father, where they've been enslaved to drugs, father, to alcohol.

Uh, maybe they're involved in idolatry, father, whatever that looks like, or it could even be a person that they've been, uh, just, uh, that they, they've been given like their word ship, uh, to father, uh, worship father, whether it be to a statue or whatever it may be father, but that you will become real. Alive and personal to him father. So I pray for them father, um, uh, help them to do that one 80.

Maybe they were heading down the path on the road to destruction or put in, put them on that narrow road for the, that leads to, to you. Uh, and I thank you for their salvation. Father, we leave this man or this woman in your hands and have your way father, use them in, in, in a mighty way. Father use their testimony. Father, where.

Where even their own family will be surprised at the change and the transformation that has taken place in their lives, Father, that they will say, who is this father, and that they will be able to point to you, point to Jesus. And then they would declare, this is who I am now. It's only because of what Jesus has done in my life, Father, and that they will give you all the credit and all the glory. So we thank you, Father. I thank you in advance, Father.

I believe it in faith, Father, that somebody, somebody's life is going to be transformed from listening. Uh, to this father, because we know that like what we mentioned earlier, father, what we're doing here is all for you, father. And we just want to use our, our, our words, our testimonies, father, to point people to you and what you've done in our lives. Father, what I prayed for is exactly what you've done in each and every one of our lives that are sitting here, father.

So we know because you've done it in us that you will do in them, father, in Jesus name, we pray. Amen. Amen.

He was hanging around with the tax collectors and the prostitutes and the murderers and the sinners. The Lord came to save. He came to save sinners. He didn't come to save perfect people. He knows, He knows where your heart is. The Lord knows your heart. So if you're out there and you, you know, and you just said this prayer and you're thinking, Oh, you know, and it's not for me, you know, I, but I've done this and I've done that. And no, it's you, you're the one, you're the one he came for.

You're the one that he came and he died for, you know, Oh, I'm, you know, I'm an alcoholic. Oh, Oh, you know, I'm a drug addict. I'm yeah, yeah. You're the one, you're the one he came for. He was waiting for you and he died actually for you. So don't let the devil trick you into thinking that you're not good enough. Don't let them, don't let them trick you out of your blessing, out of your salvation. You are good enough. You are good.

If you said that prayer and you meant that, and that's, you know, then you will be saved. I mean, that's, that's it. The Lord came to save you as, as is, as you are now. So don't, don't be discouraged thinking you're not good enough because we're all, once we ask where, where we need to be.

And, and he's a restorer. Um, he wants to restore your life. Um, he doesn't want you to stay broken. He wants you, he wants to make you whole again. And so, uh, yeah, thank you Omar for this podcast. Thank you, Julio. It's been a pleasure to meet you guys and I look forward to more of what God has for us and for you as well. Um, I pray that, that, that, um, that some of this stuck and that after this, that. That maybe this will change you. Yes.

And, uh, she taught me how to, to love, you know, she, she was a huge asset to me as far as like learning. how to receive love and and how to how to give it out to others. But most importantly, man, um, Um, you know, women are special, you know, godly women, especially, um, my encouragement is to, to find a woman who, who has fallen in love with Jesus, um, over everything else. Um, cause I know when I met my wife, asked her if she was married, she said she was, she was married to Jesus.

And so, um. You know, it was, it was just really cool. It took some time after that for me to really fully understand that. But I'm just thankful and grateful that the Lord brought a help mate into my life. And that's really helped ground me and, um, brought, um, stability and a good balance to my life too. Um, but yeah, I just wanted to share that. Just, if you're looking for a good woman, don't just, don't squat. They're looking for anybody pray that the Lord would find the right one for you.

You know, um, cause they truly can be a huge help.

She's right about it until like a day or two later, you know, for real, for real. I had to be something. She told me like, man, I want to hear that. And then the next day, you know, I think she was right. But now God's. So now when my wife speaks, like I listen, I listen with that man, God, I know you're trying to tell me something and definitely I'll say, well, a huge blessing in my life.

Uh, Uh, I think I'm, I'm the man that I am today, like I mentioned, of course, God, but my wife being by my side, um, praying for me, uh, marriage, uh, uh, good, strong marriages, uh, uh, I've heard it put this way, it's, uh, two sinners that have learned to forgive one another, you know, forgiveness, extending grace, you know, a lot of times it's easier for us to extend grace to a stranger, extend grace at work.

Uh, we were talking Julio and we went to a men's retreat and, uh, Pastor Juan was talking about the masks, uh, all the different masks that we could put on and, and, and we might be able to fool people. We might be able to fool people at church, people at work, but God wants us without those masks. He knows who we are and we can't, we can't hide it before him.

Uh, but I was talking about, um, at work, how people at work know me as that guy that could be under the pressure because I'm a, uh, I'm a supervisor at work. So I am under a lot of pressure, a lot of responsibility, but I find a way not to let it get to me. And people are like, man, Omar, how do you do it, man? Everybody else is over there screaming mad. And here I am happy, you know, like, man, I don't let it get to me.

Uh, but when pastor preached, we were having our small, small group discussion afterwards. And I was talking, how come people at work know me as the guy that could keep his school. And yet at home, I'm quick to snap. I'm quick to react. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm quick to, uh, get angry, rage, and then that's, that's a mask in itself right there. And, uh, man, I, I've been, um, seeking and serving the Lord for 18 years now, and he's still talking about healing, restoring.

I know you mentioned that he's like, there's layers that he, he, he shows us, he convicts us for us to man, to ask for forgiveness, to repent, but he's helping us. And I'm glad that I'm able to see that. So I'm glad for. Men of God, I thank God for my pastor, all the pastors that were there at the men's conference. But God has a way, even as we're seeking and following God, like showing us that I still need to work in you in this area.

So, so that, that was one like, man, I know I got, uh, in, in my house, I should be probably extending more grace. Yeah. Anywhere else. What's the point of people knowing me at work as the cool guy that could keep it under control and my, my family's walking on eggshells, man, is this guy's gonna snap. So man, I just wanted to share that man, man. If you find yourself convicted, if God convicts you in a certain area.

The Bible says that God disciplines those he loves as a father does a child, you know? So I thank God for his discipline and man and growth, uh, humble yourself. Let God correct you, let them love through you, your wife, your children. And man,

Um, and so, yeah, um, if you have given your life to the Lord, um, and you're looking for a good community or something like that, just pray and ask the Lord to help you find that a good Bible teaching, um, a church that makes disciples, you know, and really just teaches you in the word, you know, your

It doesn't mean they're our slaves. They're not our subordinates. Their are equal helpers. He's very like, very clear about how we should be treating our wives. I feel like, you know, like, uh, the pathway to a righteous, um, peaceful, peaceful for sure. Um, life, you know, even to be successful, I think that, you know, like is, yeah, we need to lead our household. But we need to take the guidance from our wives. I believe that that's what they were put here for.

I believe that they were put here to, to steer us. You know what I mean? So, I mean, as much as, as much as it's our job to lead the house, it's our life. It's also as much our job to, to take into consideration what our wives are telling us. Yes. Um, I think that we need to be an absolute. Complete equal partnership, the man with the wife, that balance, I feel like we'll balance, it will balance everything.

You know, once we can learn how to balance that relationship, the man and the wife, the equal, um, the equal respect, you know, and, um, and, and trust, I feel like that will go out into everything else that we do. So, you know, I feel like that's a, that's a, a big, a big clue into, you know, to, How to find peace and happiness in

So, I just pray that your spirit would go forth and continue to lead us and guide us and direct us, Father God, as you are a lamp to our feet and a light to our path, Father. Um, so Lord, I just thank you for this time. I thank you for Brother Omar, Lord God, and Brother Julio.

Lord God, and all those who are listening, Father, I just pray that you would bless them abundantly, Lord God, and that you would open up their hearts and their ears to receive whatever it is that you're trying to speak into them, Lord. Um, I don't know everybody personally, Father, but you do. Lord, you are a big God, and your eyes are on all of us, Lord God. So, I just pray that whoever heard this today, Lord God, that they would ultimately see you much more than they see us.

Father God, for we're just living, walking, breathing testimonies to your saving grace in our lives. So Father God, what you've done for us, what you've done for me and my brothers here, Lord God, you can do for anybody. Lord, so I just, uh, I thank you that you are a God who saves, Father God, and delivers. And, uh, you don't keep us broken and stranded and lost. Father God, you give us hope, Father God.

And, um, so Lord, I just pray that, that, um, if anybody's struggling, Lord God, that they would really find their hope from you. Lord God, cause you are a God who can make them whole again. Lord God, you can fill that void in our hearts, Father God, that, that we've tried for so long to find in the world, Lord, that, that all we needed to do was just fall on our face before you, Lord.

So I just pray, Lord, that, um, whoever is listening, Lord God, that they would take that into consideration, Lord. Um, so Lord, we thank you, Lord God, we pray for a blessing over, uh, this podcast and wrong to strong and everybody who is listening and who is tuned in. Father God, I pray that your Holy Spirits would draw them into a relationship with you. Um, we love you, Father. We thank you. And together, Father God, our love for one another can show the world that Jesus is who he says he is.

And so Lord, we love you first and foremost because you first loved us. So we love you. We thank you. We pray all this in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.

Um, Matthew 4, 16 reads the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death. Light has dawned alongside Julio and Sean. My name is Omar Calvillo. We are "Wrong To Strong"