"Everywhere You Go, There You Are" - interview w/ Shawn Rae

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Brown to Strong Chicago. My name's Omar Cal, and uh, tonight I'm gonna have a guest here. He is all the way from Colorado Springs, Colorado. His name's Sean Ray. I'd like to, to welcome him to the podcast. Well, welcome brother. How you doing? My brother Omar. Hey, doing good. Doing good. So I, I was able to, to connect with his brother. I met him online.

Uh, he, he reached out and, and it turned out that we had like, maybe like similar connections grew up in, around the same area. Uh, so he reached out, I believe it was on Messenger, Facebook. It might have been. And we connected. Yeah. Yeah. We started going back and forth, you know, some messages and man, I invited him to be out here. Alright, and we we're gonna get into his story. So Tete, thanks for being out here, brother. Man, I really do appreciate it, man.

It's, uh, yeah, it's just a blessing, man. It's an honor man. I truly feel like, you know, the Lord's calling me to, to do more and, and to, uh, just share, you know what I'm saying? And, uh, and really just try to, to reach people, man. You know, I, uh, like you said, you know, we have a, a similar backgrounds and stuff, similar areas and stuff like that. We ran around. And so, um, you know, that reaches a, a, a certain dynamic of people, man.

And I, and I, uh, you know, the Lord's really put it on my heart to, to really be sensitive to that, you know? And so, you know, that's what led me to reach out to you. I felt the Holy Spirit, you know, ministering to me as I've been watching your podcast. And, uh, and then just with jc, you know, I've been following JC for a little while, just paying attention to his YouTube videos and stuff like that, you know.

Um, I remember the Lord called me a while back to, to actually pray for, for that brother. And, um, Uh, I watched the Lord do just some amazing things in his life, man. And, uh, it, it truly touched me, man, and, uh, encouraged me, um, as far as like wanting to reach out and, and, and really reconnect, you know? Um, I feel like the Lord is really pouring his spirit out on a lot of us. Yes. You know, in these last days.

And, and, and I feel like he's, he's calling us to, to be bold, you know, and unapologetic, you know, with our faith. And so, you know, here I am, man. And, uh, I'm grateful to be here. Uh, a pleasure man. I, I look forward to, to much more, you know. Hey, man. Amen, brother. Yeah. Well, let, let's, let's, let's, let's go to the be beginning. Okay. You tell us where, where, where you grew up.

And I, I know you mentioned we, we talked briefly a little while earlier, uh, but like, when you were younger, what was one of like the main places you remember, you know, like, like growing up? So I was actually born in Norwalk, Connecticut. I guess I'll start there. Yeah. Um, uh, my mother, uh, she was a young teenager. Uh, my father was, uh, uh, really heavy into alcohol and drugs and things like that.

And, uh, you know, he was dealing with a lot of, a lot of, a lot of his own traumas and stuff, and abandonment from his childhood. You know, my, my father was an orphan, um, growing up, and so he kind of, he, he, he grew up in, uh, in the system out there, kind of on the East Coast. And so, um, my grandmother actually lived in Illinois and so when things weren't going well with my mom and my dad, Um, she decided to bring us out to Illinois.

And so at two years old, you know, my mom took us all the way across the country. Uh, we moved to Illinois, we moved around a lot. You know, we moved around to a lot of small towns and, uh, a lot of, uh, uh, cities kind of outside of Chicago and stuff like that. Like, like Rockford, uh, Sterling Rock falls and, and little towns in between there and stuff like that. And, um, just as a child man moving around a lot. Uh, I didn't have much stability in my life, you know?

And so, um, so from my early years and stuff like that, I really, uh, uh, ran around kind of some of the smaller cities and stuff outside of the outskirts of Chicago, uh, suburbs area and stuff like that. But, um, you know, in the suburbs, you know, they got a lot of, uh, they got a lot of gangs and stuff that, that, that come from Chicago and things like that.

And so, um, those things are kind of bled even into the suburbs and, you know, into the surrounding states and the surrounding areas and stuff like that around the Midwest. And so, um, even from a young age man running around, just, uh, you know, I used to run away from my mom's house all the time and stuff cause uh, you know, she was struggling, you know, she had dealt with a lot of trauma in her past and stuff.

And so, um, she had a lot of bad relationships and, uh, my brother and sister's dad at that time came into the picture, so, And, um, you know, he, uh, he, he was pretty violent with me. You know, he used to, uh, he used to throw me around and stuff. He was real, you know, he was real mean to me and stuff as I, when I was a child and everything. And, and, um, like what, what what age was this? Like how old were your, like, like around that time?

Yeah. So, um, you know, like I said, if I didn't know that I wasn't born in Illinois, I would've never known like if, if I was never told that, you know? So, you know, I remember, you know, probably around four or five years old, you know, um, is when my mom got with my brother and sister's dad, you know. Um, now he was, he was Mexican, you know, I grew up around a lot of blacks and Mexicans and stuff, even in the suburbs of, of Illinois and stuff like that.

And, you know, it, it's really inter interracial, you know what I mean? So, um, so my mom, uh, got married this, or she didn't marry him, but, um, she had, you know, my brother and sister with him. And, um, in, in those years from, from about the age of, I'd say four or five years old, to about the age of, uh, maybe eight or nine, uh, my mom was with him and, um, she ended up leaving him too. Cause, you know, he was real abusive.

He, not just to me, but to my mom and, you know, I found out a lot of that later on and stuff like that, but Right. Yeah, man. And, uh, I remember he used to, you know, he used to try to traumatize me and just, you know, just do a bunch of mean stuff to me, man. He'd, uh, you know, sometimes he'd throw me around in my bedroom and things like that. He'd like shut the door and just kind of, you know, um, not gonna go too detail on that, but yeah, man.

Um, but yeah, that lasted for a little while, a couple years, um, until my mom got out of that, you know, and she moved, um, to another little town that was kind of closer to my grandmother. And, um, by then, you know, I had been running away from the ho house and stuff like that. And, and, and I was already running the streets by nine years old. I was. It was the first time I actually ran away from home. I was about nine years old.

Yeah. And, uh, you know, I didn't have a father in the house, you know, and, um, I really, I really started to grow, you know, a lot of bitterness and, and stuff towards my mom because, you know, we just weren't, we weren't stable. Yeah. You know, and, uh, all I wanted really was just, just stability, man. Yeah. And just, you know, a place to just like, you know, really call home, you know? Yeah. And, um, I can honestly say I, I never fully received that until I found the Lord.

You know, later on in Right, right. In my life. But, um, until then, man, it was just a, a journey of me running from myself. Um, in that time, um, at the age of nine though, my mom got to where she couldn't, she couldn't deal with me anymore. You know, she'd try to lock and bolt the windows and doors, but I'd still, I'd still slip out the house and, and take off, you know, was always hanging out with people older than myself.

And so, you know, I was, I was really raised by k kind of the elder generation and Yeah. Um, I hated school, so I was always ditching school, you know? Um, and so by this time my grandmother decided, she's like, you know, why don't I take him in and, and, and see how he does with me? And, uh, during this time, my grandmother was a devout Christian. She loved the Lord. Uh, that wasn't always the case, you know?

Um, my grandfather was a very evil person and, um, did some, did some things to, you know, my mom and my aunt and my grandmother, um, to where, uh, that just did a lot of damage to, to. To the women in my family. And so, okay. Um, that's who I had in my life, you know, my mom, my aunt, my grandmother. Those, you know, that was it. So, you know, the streets really became my dad. You know, that's, that's really who I, where I looked to, to for guidance, you know.

And so, uh, my grandmother decided to take me in, so I went and lived with her from the age of about 10 to about 11, 11 and a half. And, uh, man, you know, I look back and I, you know, lately the Lord's been reminding me of those times and just, Just the love, you know, that my grandma gave me and the, and the stability. And you know, she had had married a man that she married before I was born, and so he was like my step grandfather.

Yeah. Um, and, but he, you know, he, he, you know, he helped guide me a little bit, take care of me. You know, he gave me responsibilities, you know, uh, I got real, I started doing real good in school, middle school, around that time and stuff.

So I got heavy into basketball, you know, he really, he really poured into me cuz I love playing ball, you know, that's growing up around Illinois and stuff from, I remember, you know, like, you know, I remember shoveling the, the courts off just to play ball like that. That was what we loved to do. Right, right. You know, basketball, basketball was life man. Okay. You know, um, that was like the outlook, you know, of what, you know, everybody. I hung around and stuff and so, right.

Um, I got real good, you know, I played a lot, three on threes and stuff like that during that time. And, um, you know, uh, I was doing really well. You know, I had, had, I had a little bit of stability in my life, right? And so I excelled. Well, I. Eventually, you know, before the age of 12, I remember it was before I turned 12, my mom decided, you know, she thought she was doing all right well enough to, to take me back in.

And so, um, my grandmother asked me, Hey, would you like to go live back with your mother? And, you know, I thought about it and it didn't take long for me to say Yeah. Cause uh, I knew that when I went back to live with my mom, I'd have a little bit more freedom. Yeah. You know, and, uh, living with my grandparents, while I did good in, in a very good and structured environment, you know, I was still battling a lot internally. Gotcha.

You know, and, you know, I was, I was still as, I was still always looking for an escape, you know, I was even at a young age, I just, I, I was already, you know, had a lot of demons and stuff like that, that, you know, um, that, that, you know, trauma opened a lot of those doors and stuff. Yeah. And so I was still battling a lot, you know, living with her. And so I, I decided, yeah, I want to go back with my mother. Uh, by the time I turned 12 years old, you know, didn't take long.

I was right back out on the streets. Um, by this time, man, you know, I start smoking weed. Um, uh, my friends at this time, you know, we started, uh, really kind of growing into the streets and stuff, and so we used to, we used to fight a lot. You know, I, I, I, I used to find that, um, you know, I had this one friend that I grew up with, man, he was, uh, a friend, ofmy, I guess you could call him.

Yeah. You know, he was like a, yeah, he, he, he was a, he was an enemy kind of in our earlier years, but then became a, became a friend later on in life, you know, but we fought a lot, you know, and, uh, I remember we'd, uh, all our friends would get mad because we'd have like basketball tournaments or football tournaments, and it would just end up me and this dude fighting, you know, and it would just ruin the whole thing and everyone would get mad at us and stuff, but, It's, uh, this friend of

mine, man, he had a pretty rough childhood too. He had no father and all that stuff, and so it was like two kids just kind of taking that out on each other, you know? Yeah. And so, uh, that really kind of toughened me up, you know, really young. And, um, you know, I didn't even realize even back then what, you know, where my life was headed, you know? And, uh, even at that age, you know, I really kind of didn't pay no mind to it. Right.

You know, I, uh, when I got back with my, with my mom, you know, all I really wanted to do was run the streets. It was just, you know, I become so, so adapted to the streets and it just, you know, uh, I felt, you know, it was like, uh, you know, I felt like I, I found family out there, you know?

Yeah. Now, even, uh, at a young age now, as, as you're there, you know, like running, running the streets, that, uh, that, that, that, um, was there a shift at some point where eventually you like, got plugged in? Like, like with, to, to a gang? Yeah. So, uh, so I ended up catching my first real charge.

You know, I, I, uh, started getting in a lot of trouble drinking and stuff, and, uh, started getting caught with drugs all the time and just, uh, you know, um, hanging out real late and stuff like that. And just, you know, the cops would always just harass us and stuff. So I, I, I caught a lot of little small charges, but then eventually I, uh, you know, I got into, um, theft and ended up catching a charge for, uh, uh, robbing a business.

You know, I was at about, I was about 16 years old when I did this. Um, by the time I ended up going to court, I had turned 17 and, uh, they ended up trying me as an adult and they charged me with a felony, you know, at the time. And so I remember, cuz I was, I was a teenager and it was my first offense that, uh, they ended up giving me bootcamp. Okay. And so I had, uh, I did, uh, 120 days in Dixon Springs down in, uh, southern Illinois.

And, uh, when I got out, uh, I had parole, you know, they gave me parole. And so when I, when I paroled, I actually paroled to, uh, the Sanon house on the west side of Chicago. It was the San on Sanon in Washington. Okay. Um, over there is like a halfway house type deal, um, for guys like coming outta prison and stuff like that. And so, you know, I had an ankle monitor and everything. And so I ended up, I ended up Patroling to Chicago Okay. To, to this halfway house. Right.

And so while I was living there, I was working at Dominic's, you know, over on Madison and Halstead, right there in Greek town. And, um, I started working in the deli and um, sure enough, I'm working in the deli. And, uh, three, the three of the guys that work in the deli, uh, two of them are SDS from 18th and California. And one of 'em was a SD from Taylor and Oakley. And so, uh, I worked in the deli with these dudes and, uh, It all started by them, Hey man, you play ball. You know?

And I'm like, yeah, you know, I played basketball and so that obviously that's a big thing in, in Chicago too, you know? So, uh, I get to just start playing ball with these dudes, you know, and so I'm going and hanging out at like, you know, remember I think it was Douglas Park over there on, uh, on 18th of California. They had some hoops over there. I used to go over there and play ball and stuff like that.

And so, um, that's where I started getting around, you know, a lot of that stuff, a lot of those guys and stuff like that. And, uh, so before I'd even moved to Chicago, I was that the SDS were the one gang that I was, I was familiar with. Okay. Um, cuz like, like I said, um, coming from where I was, had grown up in, in some of these smaller towns, um, the SDS were one of the bigger gangs that that ran.

You know, a lot of the, the drugs and stuff like that was going on, on the streets and stuff like that. And so even before I moved to Chicago, I had already been kind of interlaced with a lot of sds from where I came from. Right, right. And so, Um, a couple of those guys that I grew up with, you know, grew up in at, on 18th and Cal. So it was kind of, it was kind of crazy how it all just kind of came together, like for me.

Um, cuz I, cuz I was already so familiar, like I said, with, with the gang and stuff like that. And so, uh, they took me right in, man. They, they, they brought me home, man. They put, they ended up putting me down. Um, I ended up getting a pumpkin head and that was the first time I've been beat up so bad that, you know what I'm saying? I actually went to the hospital. It was, uh, it was pretty, it was pretty wild, you know? Um, but that just, that's what set me off kind of in that direction.

Um, I, I was living, uh, like I said, I was living in this halfway house, but that was only for a few months and, uh, a couple of the guys ended up getting me an apartment on 18th and, uh, Miller. Okay. So I was living on like 18th and Morgan and Miller. So I was living, living between Morgan and Miller right there. Not too far off Halstead. Yeah. And so, uh, that's predominantly like Ambrose territory right there, right.

Um, So I remember like, uh, when I lived there, there was, uh, they had, the cops were like, man, they were flooding all over the place cuz it was like gang wars going on. Yeah. I think, uh, the Ambrose was going at it with the RAAs over on 17th and, and so it was, it was war zone. Yeah. Well, you know what I'm saying? I had no idea really what I was moving up into, you know what I'm saying? And, um, and so my roommate actually was, was a black guy that I worked with at, you know, old Chicago.

We got this apartment 10 10 West 18th Street that was, that was where the apartment was. And so now here I am, man, living in Pilsen and uh, man, I loved it, you know what I'm saying? I, I enjoyed, uh, you know, I enjoyed the culture, you know, it was like, it was like, they call it Little Mexico, you know?

Yeah. So, I, I, I really en I really enjoyed it cuz like, you know, I, I, I was already used to, you know, being around Mexicans and being around, you know, blacks and stuff like that growing up, that it really, I didn't, you know, that that stuff didn't, I didn't pay no mind to it, you know? So I was really kind of the, one of the only white, there was one other white guy I remember that, that really used to hang out with us and stuff like that. And he ended up later on turning out too.

Um, uh, but anyway, uh, yeah, man, I used to drink a lot. I remember partying a lot over there. Um, I remember, um, down on like 18th and troop down over there. Uh, I started hanging out down over there, uh, with some of them dudes. Um, I guess, uh, what happened was, like, I remember a lot of the guys got arrested over there for, you know, they had the, they had this like sting operation or whatever that was going on.

But during that time, and I remember, uh, a bunch of the Ambrose ended up getting locked up for all that. And, uh, and then a cop got shot on 18th place. Okay. And, and I'll, I'll never forget that. Cause after that it was like, man, just cops everywhere all the time, you know?

And so back then they'd like, you know, they, they'd run down on you and they, they'd check your ID and they, you know, they was looking to see if you was like, from that block and stuff, you know, if, and I remember back then if they check your ID and if, if, if, if the address on your ID didn't match where they catch you hanging out, you know, sometimes they lock you up or they just, you know, they'd drive you around or they'd take you back to your neighborhood or whatever.

Um, and so I remember I got harassed a lot, you know, um, just not living necessarily on that block. And, and, uh, and so eventually they saw I did live there and then eventually I got an ID and stuff, and so that, all that, you know what I'm saying, they, they stopped harassing me and everything, but eventually I called the case, um, ended up getting really drunk one night and blacked out and, uh, got in a fight. And, uh, I was on parole, you know, when I was living in Chicago.

And so, Um, I remember my po, he wouldn't even really come to my block. He'd used to make me meet him down on like 18th of Halstead. And so I'd go meet my PO down on 18th of Halstead or whatever. And I remember he had, uh, he had dropped me at that time and, uh, I wasn't expecting him to do that. And, uh, right. He ended up vi he ended up violating me. He ended up violating my parole. Um, and so I get locked up, you know, now I, uh, I go up the road. I'm in Stateville. Uh, I do a bunch of time.

I do some time in Stateville. I did, uh, I think I did two and a half years in Stateville. Wow. Um, when I violated my parole. How, how, how, um, how, how, how was that for you in there? Uh, Stateville. Well, I didn't stay in Stateville the whole time. Right. Uh, they eventually sent me to Western Illinois. Okay. Which is out by Macomb. And so, but that, it was a, it was a medium max. Yeah. Which I thought was, was, was wild. And you know, I was always, you know, I'm still interested.

It was like why I end up sending me to a medium max prison. It was 22 and two, you know. But, um, when, when I got there, you know, it was, uh, it was a lot smoother than it was in Stateville. Stateville was like, at that time it was still like gladiator school, you know what I mean? Uh, and uh, you know, I know at uh, uh, the guard said pre pretty much taken back control of the prisons, but you know, there's a lot of stabbings going on in there, a lot of rapes going on in there.

You know, I remember, uh, actually my second day in there, I was, you know, I think maybe it was my first day in there going through processing and, uh, standing by the med unit. And I remember seeing two guards dragging this dude. And this dude was, was bleeding. Because he had, he had just got it in his cell. And, uh, I'll never forget, the guards just dragging this guy, they opened up the med door and they just kind of throw him in the med door.

And, you know, I remember we're all talking like this, this is what we in for, you know, like, it was like, it was a reality check, right? Yeah. My second yo, right away, you know, man, I'm 17, 18 years old, you know? And so, but even then, man, like I, uh, now I look back and I'm like, man, having the heart I have today, I'm like, man, I don't even know how I, I stomached a lot of that stuff. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

That I saw, you know, it was, uh, I was still real, you know, I was real numb to a lot of that, even just coming from, you know what I'm saying? I started seeing a lot of things in Chicago and stuff that really humbled me, you know, in a lot of ways. And, uh, so when I got to prison, it was just like, man, this is the next step, you know? Yeah. And, uh, and so yeah, I did my time. You know, I, I, I. I made it outta there. All right.

You know, I, I, uh, I got a little job, you know, got some good time. Uh, I just did my time, man, and, and, and went home, you know? Okay. Um, but I remember I'd had some run-ins with, you know, uh, the Arian gangs in there was trying, they was, they was trying to get me to join them. Okay. You know, and, uh, and so I remember the, I had some, some complications in there with them for a little while. Un, until they realized that I wasn't one of them. Yeah. You know?

Uh, but it's like, almost like they didn't believe it right away, you know? It was like, it took, took a while, you know? So I remember just going through some things, just trying, you know, trying to make that be known and stuff during that time. But yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, during that bid, you know, that was, you know, uh, that, that that bid wasn't too bad. It wasn't, it wasn't until later on, When I ended up doing some time down in Florida that, um, I really got checked.

Okay. You know, I really got no how, as far as, no, the, the case that, that, that, uh, um, led you being locked up in Florida. Did you catch it here or Chicago? No. Okay. Um, and so, so everything I'm kind of discuss and talking about now is before I left Illinois. Okay. So I end up, so this is what I end up getting outta prison. Uh, as soon as I get outta prison. You know, my grandmother, she ended up picking me up from the prison.

Um, and I remember as soon as I get in the car I'm like, you know, I'm getting all excited cause I'm thinking I'm about to go back to the Chi, you know? Yeah. And she's like, I am not taking you back to Chicago. And I'm like, what do you mean you're not taking me back to Chicago? Where are we going? Can I ask you how, how, how, uh, how old were you at this point? So I get out, I'm, uh, I'm 19. Oh man. Young still. I'm not. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I'm 19 now.

Yeah. I, I, I'm, I'm going on 20, actually, I was going on 20. I, I just turned, you know, I turned 20 not too long after I got out, actually, now that I remember. Um, so yeah, I remember my grandma, she, uh, she ended up taking me to this little, uh, this little kind of, uh, halfway house type thing out in Clinton, Iowa. And, uh, I didn't know where I was at, man. I'm like, this is wild, you know? But she didn't want me going back to that, to that life, you know?

And, um, the one thing I'll say, man, my grandmother, she was, uh, she was such a warrior man, you know, she had, uh, She had, she had this authority man, like that, that, that I felt even in her at such a young age, man. And, uh, she was such a woman to God, you know, she, she loved the Lord so much, and she used to tell me from the time I was a child, she'd be like, Shawn, you know, I'll die praying for you. Wow. And I'd be like, okay, grandma. You know, okay, grandma.

You know, and, and she'd tell me all these things. Like, you don't even know you have a destiny in front of you. She's like, you're, you know, she would start, you know, prophesying things into my life. You're gonna marry a woman in the church. You're gonna be a pastor one day. You know, she'd start telling me these things. I'm like, okay, grandma. You know, like, I, I don't know where you're getting this. Yeah, yeah. You know, but, all right.

You know, but I love my, I love my grandma, man, cuz, to be honest with you, she was the only woman, even until I got married to my wife, she was the only woman that I ever felt love from like, like a genuine love, you know? Yeah. And, and until I met the Lord and then met my wife, right. You know, like, And now I'm actually, I feel like I'm actually experiencing that love again, you know, for the first time all over again, you know?

Amen. Um, but anyway, like I, so, so I listened to my grandma growing up, you know, she was the one woman that I, I would listen to. Yeah. You know, no one else could tell me anything, you know, she, she, that was it. Yeah. And so I listened to her. You know, I, uh, as soon as I get in this place though, uh, my mom, she ended up getting a job up in, uh, a St. Cloud prison up in St. Cloud, Minnesota. Um, she started working in the prison systems, uh, when I was real young.

Uh, she felt like that was what was gonna be, was gonna help sustain her, and then possibly a fa, you know, our family one day and all those things. Um, that later on turned around and kind of bit her. Um, and she, she ended up making her way outta the prison system. But anyway, uh, at this time, you know, I'm, I'm fresh out of prison, you know, I'm staying in so halfway house. My mom, she decides she wants to move to Minnesota.

And so after a few months, my mom being up there, I decide, well, I'm gonna go up there with her. You know, I figure why not, you know, the relationship between me and my mom, it's never been, you know, we've never really had one. You know, it's been, it's been really kind of weird. More of like a, a real, like a brother sister kind of relationship with my mom. Okay. You know, and, and that's because she, she had me so young and so, and even my grandmother was, was, was young.

And so my grandmother kind of played that mom role in my life. But, so I ended up moving up to Minnesota with my mom. Soon as I, as soon as I move up there, I start cooking in this little deli. And, uh, I run into some guys from Chicago and, uh, they was actually living down in Minneapolis. They was dating a couple girls up here in St. Cloud. And so that's how I met them.

I actually worked with one of the girls that, you know, they were, she was dating one of these guys and so, um, they were gds, you know, from Chicago. And so, uh, I, it was, you know, she linked me up with him right away and. We instantly, you know, we connect, you know, and so, uh, it wasn't long. I ended up picking up, moving down to Minneapolis. Um, I move in with the guys and stuff and, uh, I start getting into the strip clubs up in Minneapolis.

Uh, I start dating a stripper up there, um, and start DJing the clubs and stuff like that up there. And, uh, I started moving, started moving work. Um, I started moving a little bit of weed at first, and then, uh, eventually, you know, as I started to just kind of sniff out what, what was going around in the clubs and stuff, uh, I got into, uh, up there, man, in the, in the clubs. Heroin's a real big thing. Okay. You know, they, they, they, they big on the heroin in the clubs up there.

And, uh, you know, I know there's a huge market for it up there in, in Minnesota, in the Twin Cities in general. And, um, and so, you know, I got, I got linked up with that and, um, and so I start, you know, selling a little bit heroin here and there, and, um, Next thing you know, I started tooting a little bit myself. Uh, didn't take long. Um, the girl I was dating, she was already banging it.

And, um, no, I was real, real, real standoffish man at this time, cuz I, you know, I'd never, I never gone this route. Yeah. You know, I never, you know, I remember popping pills, man, when I was young and like, did cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, stuff like that, you know, but heroin man, you know, I watched people ruin their lives on that stuff. Yeah. You know, and so I was real scared of it, man. I ain't gonna lie. I had a fear. I had a, I had a real fear. Yeah. To it, towards it.

And which I, you know, for, for, for selling it, man, I, I kind of, you know, I kind of adapted to that fear. It kept me kind of in my place, you know, just dealing with it at first, you know, and then eventually, you know, um, couple of the guys that I'm, I'm dealing with, you know, they, they on it and uh, next thing you know, everyone around me's on it. And then one thing leads to the next. I'm on it, you know? And so it didn't take long, man, before I crashed and burned hard, man.

And so, uh, I, uh, I got real scared, man. I freaked out. You know, uh, the crazy thing about this time, this particular time is, is, uh, my grandmother, uh, ended up finding out that she had cancer. She, uh, ended up finding out she had multiple myeloma. It was a bone, it was a bone cancer during this time. And, you know, I was, I was real hurt and stuff. And so that kind of, that didn't mix well, you know, with, with the state of where I, what I was in at that time.

And so, um, you know, I went deeper and deeper and, uh, my grandmother ended up passing away in 2011. And, uh, my mom decides, you know, she's not doing well up there. And I got family down in Tampa, Florida. And so my family down there is like, Hey, why don't, why don't you, why don't you come move down here? You know? And so after my grandmother passed away, my mom decided to pick up and move down to Tampa, Florida.

And mind you, this is just a, the process of insanity that we were living in, you know, it's just a constantly running from ourselves, you know, if you haven't noticed, it's like, this is, this was just, this was my life, you know? Just constant run, run, run, chase, chase, chase, you know? And, uh, in that I just got real, I, I became real numb to the things, you know, I was, I got real violent, you know?

Um, my character was just real, you know, I really, uh, I really adapted to just a lot of the demons that I had been entertaining. I, I, I kind of let 'em have way, you know, in, in, in my life. And so I, uh, I terrorized a lot of people, man. I terrorize my family. Mostly, you know, I, I terrorize a lot of my friends, a lot of my friends' families, you know, around this time. Um, you know, thinking back, these are the kinds of things that, that God really convicts me on, you know, today.

Um, so I ended up moving down to Florida, and this is where it got interesting for me. Uh, as soon as I moved down there, mom and I didn't get along. You know, I end up getting kicked outta the house about two months after I, I lived there. And so for the first time since I was younger, I was out on the streets for like, like on the streets, on the streets this time. And so, uh, you know, I end up looking, finding the hood over in a place called, uh, suitcase City over in Tampa, Florida.

It's right across Barry's Avenue. And I remember asking some people, I'm like, Hey man, where, where's the hood? You know? That was, uh, the only place I really. New to go at the time. And so, you know, I figured, man, I could just get in down there, you know, find some of the guys, whatever, network and, and, and, and just, you know, come up somehow real quick. And so that's what I did, man.

I, uh, I ended up linking up with some, actually, I ended up linking up with some Cubans over in, uh, uh, over on, uh, it's, it's off North Bears Avenue in Tampa, Florida. Um, later on end up moving down to Ibor City. Ibor City is, uh, kind of right off the coast of the line of Tampa. Um, but Eor City is just, it's the hood. It's just just straight the hood down there, you know, just drugs open their market, every, all that, you know.

So I end up moving in with some Cubans down there and, uh, you know, they, they deal in heroin down there. Uh, and so they call it Montega, that's what they call it down there. They call it the Montega. And so I end up, uh, end up getting linked up with these Cubans, and I'm right back on heroin again. Uh, I caught a, caught a case. I remember I was walking through the hood one day.

One of the cops stopped me and, uh, he tried to say that I looked like a suspect in some completely different, you know, like criminal heights going on or whatever. And, and so I think it was just an excuse to, to terrorize me, cuz down in Florida, man, they, they have a motto down there. Uh, come on vacation, leave on probation, come back on violation. Right? That's crazy. That's the first time I heard that one. Really?

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, you ask anybody who's done time in Florida or even vacation down there, man, it's, uh, it's zero tolerance, man. The police, they harass everybody and anybody. And so it's zero tolerance for, for, I mean, when I was down there. So for weed, you know, you get caught with weed, you know, you, you, you go to jail, uh, you get caught with pills, you get caught with any kind of controlled substance that's a felony off the bat. Felony F five.

There's, there's no pass and go, there's no, you know, it's not no misdemeanor charge. It's, and so that's what happened, man. I ended up getting busted with, with some dope and uh, I got slapped with a controlled substance felony F five. Um, I kind of laughed at it cuz, you know, they, they, they sent me to county and I'm like, I'm sitting there, they end up, I end up sitting 30 days with that whole 30 days. I'm thinking, you know, they, they gotta let me go.

There's no way they're gonna charge me with a felony for this. There's no way, you know, well, you know, the attorneys came back, they saw my record in Illinois and they said, well, you know, it's not looking good, you know, um, you might actually have to do some time. Uh, Florida's got a point system and so, um, the, the way it kind of works is like you catch so many misdemeanors, you know, those are all points, everything, every charge has a point to it and a point system to it.

And so once you reach like 44 points, then you go up the road, you, they send you straight to prison. So even if it's a misdemeanor charge, like if you got, if you got enough misdemeanors that add up to, to that point, that point base, they'll send you to prison. You know? So you got guys that, you know, for in there doing five, 10 years for DUIs and stuff, you know what I mean? And just driving no licenses.

And you know, I, I remember I was in prison with one guy that, that had a bogus license plate. He had just had a, a fake license plate and, you know, he was doing 10 years for a fake license plate. And it's, it's pretty wild. Some of the, some of the charges you see people get locked up for down there. It sounds way up, you know. So Did, did, did you end up, how, how, like, uh, how much time did you end up doing, uh, down there? So I caught, they ended up giving me five years.

Um, I couldn't believe it. Um, so I ended up putting in a motion to modify, reduce my sentence as soon as I got back to the pod, you know, after I saw the judge and everything, cuz I'm like, this, this, this can't be happening. Judge. Before I was going into court, they told me, they're like, you know, we're not gonna point, we're not gonna point use your Illinois cases to point you out and you know, we're just gonna use your case. You caught down here. And I'm like, okay, cool.

And they're like, so it doesn't seem like you'll be going to prison. I'm like, all right, cool. Well, when I got to the judge, he ended up using my Illinois case and he charged me out and I had like 48 points or something like that. And so they sent me to prison. And so, uh, like I said, I ended up, I ended up taking a, a, a modified to reduce my sentence, get back in and he knocks off I think a year. So I ended up getting four years.

I ended up copping out the four years and it's 80% down there. Okay. In, uh, in Florida. Uh, I remember when I did my time in Illinois, I think it was 50% back then. Yeah. Um, uh, you know, I, I was listening to the podcast. Uh, is it not that anymore? No, I, I think in Illinois, I think if it's violent, somebody was, I believe if it's violent or if there's a gun or something involved, to be honest, but I, I thought, I thought they, they had made it like where it's like 80% or something.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That seems to be They did that out here in Colorado too. Okay. Um, I remember, I guess it was 50% out here for a while and then they, yeah. You know, it's 80% I think everywhere now or something like that, but it's, it's crazy. You know what, like for for many years, like, you know, I was like going to court all the time and now for all these years that I've been away, like, I don't like, I don't like keep up with what's going on as far like the, the court system and all that.

Right. So, to be honest, but I, I know that, I know. Oh yeah. I think it had to be like in the two thousands I believe where they, because a lot of people were going in, they're like, man, they ain't 50% no more. So I know they had raised that up, you know? Well, and I think I'd even remembered hearing, you know, like whispers of that change and even back in, back in those times too. Right. Yeah, I was, I was wondering if that was gonna ever happen. And so, yeah.

But that was the system I always grew up in was the 50%. And so when I got to Florida and they were like, 80%, I'm like, what? Right. 80%, you know, I'm thinking, you know, five, four year, I'll do two, get some good time. Oh, no, no, no, 80%. I'm like, oh, snap. All right. So, so you, and so, so you, you, you did your time there and you came out, what, what, what was next? Uh, like as far as as that goes, you know, so I ended up doing my time up in Jackson Correctional up in the panhandle.

Um, it was a high level gang camp up there that they stuck me in. Um, not sure why they ended up putting me up there. Um, a lot of people tried to say it was cuz of my gang activity and stuff. And so I think that that was probably why. Um, but yeah, that was an interesting time. But when I got out of there, um, my mom had ended up moving back to Illinois, so she moved to this town, little town called, uh, Rochelle. Um, it's like right out not too far from Rockford. Yeah, Rockford and Rochelle.

Okay. Kinda right next to each other. And so when I got out, I ended up just going back with my mom for a little bit. Uh, I didn't have plans on staying there, but that was where I wanted to, you know, I had to, I had to, I had to have an e o s, you know, address when I got out. And so that's what I did at e o s back to my mom's. Um, after that, uh, I ended up getting into a culinary school up in Minneapolis, Minnesota at La Cordon Blue.

And so I end up applying online while I'm living with my mom and I'm like, man, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go get into culinary school, man. I'm gonna go cook. You know, cause, cuz I got a record. And it's tough to get a job, especially Right. You know what I'm saying? Up there, it's, it's just a constant revolving door for a lot of us. And so cooking was just something I always fell back on. That's something I always did was cook. And so ended up getting into culinary school.

Well that didn't last long because I got linked right back up with the guys up in Minneapolis and um, ended up moving right back in with them. I, uh, quit culinary school. Um, ended up a couple months after I dropped outta culinary school, the, it ended up shutting down anyway. I guess they went bankrupt. The whole school went bankrupt. And so, um, once I linked up with the guys, man, I, uh, didn't take long, you know, I was right back on dope.

Um, you know, I'd fooled myself, you know, thinking that it was gonna work this time. You know, I think, uh, that, that, that's the insanity of, of addiction. Yeah. You know, thinking you can, you know, do the same thing with a different result, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, I never ended up with a different result, you know? Um, I remember my grandmother when she was alive, she used to tell me, you know, Shawn, everywhere you go, there you are. Yeah. Meaning, yep. Meaning, man, it don't matter.

The geographical change, it don't matter. You know where you go, you bring you with you Right. Everywhere you go. Yep. You know, and so I never really knew what she meant by that. You know? Obviously that back then I do now. Oh yeah. You know, cuz uh, I still kind of live by that motto, you know, being saved and all and being Right, right. The evangelist that I am today, you know, I feel like everywhere I go, there he is. Yeah, yeah.

You know, and so it's, it is kind of a new, you know, new thing with that, but yeah, man. Um, and so yeah, that just, that just followed me back, right back to Minnesota, you know? Um, uh, I end up getting in trouble right away. Uh, I end up doing a, a trip, taking a trip to, uh, Milwaukee and, uh, on this trip to Milwaukee. Uh, we, it was like three o'clock in the morning, we ended up getting pulled over.

I had about two pounds of weed in my subs, in my trunk, and, uh, I end up getting arrested and, uh, I end up catching some time in Wisconsin. Uh, as soon as I get done doing my time. Uh, I got right back out, linked right back up with the guys. But while I was locked up, I contacted some family out in New Jersey. So my grandmother, her, her family is all in New Jersey.

And so, like my great-aunts, my great uncles, um, my great-grandmother, my great-grandfather, they all lived in New Jersey and, you know, my entire life. And so this side of my family, I, I never knew, knew okay, like that, you know, I know, um, one of my cousins and then my great-grandmother at, during the summers, they used to come out and visit and stuff. And so I knew them, but I didn't know my great-aunts and great uncles.

Well, uh, I end up getting in contact with my great aunt out there and, uh, this is after my grandmother's passed away, you know, now. And so. I'm just trying to figure out what, what to do with my life, man. And, uh, I start, I start, you know, sinking into just deep depression and I start dealing with just a lot, you know, with, with everything that I'd done in my life and the drugs and all that stuff was just really feeding into all that.

And so I think, man, if I just go out and live with, you know, stay with my family out on the east coast, that, you know, I might be able to get myself together. Yeah. And so my aunt out there, she's like, you know, come on out, you know, uh, I'm taking care of your great-grandmother. You come live with us. You know? Um, my great-grandmother was a paranoid schizophrenic and she was 94 years old, and so, oh man.

Uh, my great aunt at the, taking care of her until she passed away, you know, um, not too long after I left there, but so I move out there, uh, I get a job cooking. Um, I'll, I'll never forget, man, the dishwasher, uh, he was from Chicago and his whole family was from Chicago. And I, and I was like, man, this is, this is wild. Like, everywhere I go, it's like, Chicago follows yours, people from Chicago.

And I'm like, it's like, man, we're, you know, I, I was like, it's like a virus man, you know? But, uh, he's like, man, you cool man. I wanna, I wanna take you somewhere, man. Come, come hang out with me this weekend. You know? I'm like, all right. And so he takes me down to Camden, New Jersey. We go to this party down to Camden, New Jersey. And I'll never forget pulling into Camden. It's all abandoned buildings, man.

I mean, I don't think there was one house that was fully intact in that whole entire city. You know, it's all drugs. It's, they call it the melting pod for drug addicts. Um, because it's right in between, you know, it's right off. So you got Philly on the other side of the bridge. Okay. You got Philly and then you got Camden. And so, you know, um, all the boats and stuff will come up in there under the trolley and stuff, and that's where all that stuff got dumped off.

And so all the drugs out there, you know, they ain't been stepped on, you know what I mean? They're, you know, it's, it's real. All the drugs are cheap out there. And, and so, man, this guy ended up putting me on right away. And so, man, Camden is just like, it's wild, man. Just, just the scene down there. Um, it, it blows me away even today, man. You know, there's, you know, we got places in Chicago that are a lot like that too, you know? Um, but this entire city was just right.

You know, it was run down. You could just feel the darkness man in the city. Um, well, it didn't take long, man. You know, I'm shooting dope and, uh, I'm, so, I'm selling down out there and, you know, I'm using all over again and. By this time, man, I just got, I was so sick and I was so tired, man, and I was so drained. I was so exhausted, you know? And I wanted out, man, you know, I, the enemy really brought me to a place to where I felt like I was gonna die this way, you know?

And so I remember this one particular day, I was in this abandoned building, and, um, I'm about to get high man. And by this time, man, I was, I was doing a lot of co cocaine and a lot of heroin. Um, both. And so I remember going in this abandoned building and just thinking to myself, man, just the biggest shot that I could do to just, just be done with my life, man. Cuz I was tired of it. And so I remember getting down on my hands and knees, man.

And I, and, and I just, I felt, I just felt like this deep level of despair. Fall on me. And so I remember I just cried out, man, I started crying in abandoned building. I'm like, man, Jesus, if you're real, if you're the God that my grandmother says you are, if you're the God that can save lives, then you'll save my life right now. Cuz I just wanted to die. I mean, literally that was, that was the state that I was in.

And, uh, I ended up getting high man, like after I just had this moment and I step outta that abandoned building. As soon as I step outta this abandoned building, I take a left and I run right into this little ministry, about five, six people that were standing there right in the middle of the hood. Yeah. And, uh, I see him sharing, sharing the gospel, and I see him, you know, praying for people and stuff, and I got spooked and I'm like, oh man, no way. You know? So I, I try to avoid him.

And so as soon as I take a right try to beeline to avoid him, uh, this guy chased after me. I, I think he was like the pastor, the ministry or whatever. He come running after me. He is like, Hey, come here. Let me, let me pray for you. And I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm good. And he is like, well, just let me talk to you for a second. You know? And so he ends up leading me over to this little circle of people. Right.

You know, older people, I mean, elders, I mean, they were old, old people, looked like they were from this little, maybe this little church somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that decided to just come into the hood and just start evangelizing, you know? And so I ended up in the middle of this little circle, people laying hands on me, praying for me. I remember I had this old lady next to me, she was like speaking in tongues and, and uh, and I was like, man, this is wild.

And so I, I had no idea that my, my life was about to change at this point. You know? I was, uh, now I was just completely giving away to the streets, man. I had no idea. You know? And, but I remembered, man, like I really wanted change, man. I just wanted my life to be different, man. I, I, but I was dealing with these suicidal tendencies and these suicidal thoughts and stuff, and, you know, the enemy was trying to take me out, man.

Yes. And, uh, So the pastor of that ministry, he ended up taking me back to my, my great aunt and uncles. And uh, I get there and just so happened this particular day, man, like my whole family is there from the East coast and, and it looked like, you know, like they knew what I was into, they knew what I was doing, you know, and um, they, I, I think that they were probably gonna have some type of intervention or something that day cuz I got there and like the whole family was there.

And, um, I remember my great aunt, she was just crying, you know? And, and it was all, cuz she knew where I'd been. She knew what I'd been doing. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it was six months I've been living there with her now and, you know, I'm thinking I'm doing this under her nose and, you know, really, she, she knows the whole time, you know.

And so I had my uncle, he came to me and he is like, you know, I have a friend that I work with that, that his son, you know, he goes to this discipleship program called U-Turn for Christ. And, uh, it's like a, it's like a, a place for guys who, you know, have a rough past trying to come off the streets, trying to get their life together. He says it's not a, it's not a 12 step program or anything like that. It's, it's, it's one step. Jesus Christ. Hey man.

And I'm like, and, and I'll never forget when he told me that, it was like, as he was telling me this, I just felt like, hope. Shoot through me. You know, it was, it was the wildest thing cuz like, you know, I was, I'd been entertaining so much darkness, you know, it was like, I'll never forget that, that moment of like, as he's telling me this, you know, it was like, it was almost like God was telling me like, yeah, you know, this is, this is what I want you to do.

And so I end up doing it, man. I end up, uh, they had one out here in Colorado Springs. And, um, so eight years ago, it was August, 2015, I ended up, uh, taking a Greyhound bus out here to Colorado Springs, to this discipleship program U-Turn for Christ. And I never looked back, man was, uh, yeah. It was amazing. It was a, it was like an eight month program in house. Uh, it was two phases.

Um, it was really set up, kind of, kind of like a, uh, more like a military kind of bootcamp kind of setting, not bootcamp as in like, you know, like, you know, PT and all that kind of stuff. But bootcamp is in like, it's like a spiritual bootcamp. Yeah, yeah. You know, it was like, it was like the first two months it was like, you don't, you don't leave the house, you know, you, you practically indoors, but you clean the churches in the, in the community and stuff.

And so, uh, that's how I end up getting hooked up in the church that I'm in today. Okay. And, uh, could, could I, I ask you this, I'm my wife that, that, uh, that program that you went to, did, did you have to pay for that? Or how, how, how, how, how did, did, did that work? I mean, from you, you know, from going from, so I ran off the donation.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was actually a, it was donation and so the, I remember the struggle that I was really having on the East coast was like, everything was, you know, I needed insurance. You know, everything was like, yeah. 50,000 out of pocket. It's like, you know, and so I, I, I never really ended up. Finding anything. And that's what made me come out here. Cause Right. They took donation. It was, it was a thousand dollars donation.

Okay. Um, I know they do kind of sponsorship things for guys every now and again, you know, um, to help guys. Yeah. Until they can get into second phase and get a job and then kind of help, you know, pay that back and all that. And so they're really, they, they work with you man. Okay. They really work with you. Um, but it's, it's, you know, it's strict. There's, there's no smoking, there's no, there's no drinking, there's no, there's no smoking cigarettes.

You know, I mean, if, if, I mean to where, like, if you get in trouble or if you leave, you know, or if, if you get caught smoking or something like that, they'd actually make you dig holes. And so you'd have to dig like a 15 by 15 by 15 foot hole, you know? Uh, that would be the punishment for no way. For, you know. Yeah. For, for for sure, man. Yeah. So it was, you know what I'm saying? It was, it was pretty strict, you know, and, but it was good for me, man.

Yeah. You know, cuz I, I. I come from really that kind of militar kind of mindset. Right. You know, and, and so it worked for me, man. It was great. You know, I end up, um, graduating the program and stuff and, um, did really well. Uh, I struggled when I left there though, because, you know, it was like when you're in there, you're kind of in this spiritual bubble. Yeah. So to speak. You know, it's like, um, you really get a chance to, to, to work on yourself.

You get a chance to, you know, you learn how to pray, you learn how to, you know what I'm saying? Take notes and sermons and, you know, they really, they really help you, you know, um, with, with different, you know, things to, to really help you with your walk with the Lord, you know? And so I really liked that, but they don't really help you for when you leave there, you know, at least I wasn't, I wasn't ready when I left there and that, that ended up showing itself to be true.

Um, when I left that place, that was kind of when things. Uh, Ru caught up with me, you know, it was like, uh, I started dealing with a lot of PTs d and stuff after that. Um, it was wild. Cause I didn't, I didn't really go through any of that, you know, while I was in this, this, this, this program, you know? But when I left, all of a sudden, you know, it was almost like I had slowed down for the first time in my life. And, you know, all my past and everything just started catching up with me.

And it's almost like during that, uh, slowdown, you, you were able to, to process now some of the things that maybe you were trying to, um, I guess, uh, forget about through drugs and all that. Right? Right. And then, you know, as, as all you strip all that away and Yeah. You know, now you got your heart and your mind left. Yeah. And you know, you cover those things up. You fog them up for so long, man.

And you know, like, I remember I hadn't, I hadn't cried since I was like maybe 15 years old in my mom's arms. Last time I cried, you know? And. And so, you know, I start dealing with emotions for the first time. Yeah. Yep. You know, and so I freaked out, you know, and started having like night tremors and things like that. You know, I started having sleep paralysis and all those kinds of things, you know, and, um, I, I started hearing a lot of voices and stuff, like, no way.

It was like, yeah man, it was, it was wild. It was wild. And it was because, um, and so by this time, like, I'm still kind of going to church and I'm like, I'm dating my wife who I'm with now. Okay. At the time. And so, you know, she, she really doesn't understand. She doesn't understand, you know, any of these kinds of things. You know, she's got her own past and stuff and so she understands traumas and hurts cuz she's got her own and stuff.

But, um, with, with some of the stuff that I was dealing with, you know, it was like, I know it was hard on her. Yeah. You know, I know she was questioning God of whether or not, you know, she's supposed to be with me and like, you know, all these things and. I look back now and I thank God for the grace man that she gave her to give me. Yeah. You know, through the, through that time, man.

Cuz it's like the Lord really dealt with her in some areas and I know she started to just kind of pray for me differently. Okay. You know? Um, and so I remember, um, that's when things really started to ramp up. I I, uh, I started cooking at this, uh, this five star restaurant and, um, I'm, I'm cooking and I'm also working in a butcher shop at the time. And while I'm in this butcher shop, I'm actually, I'm working with, uh, a witch from, um, from Breckenridge, Colorado.

Now, this, this is, this is interesting cuz Yeah. Yeah. I'm not familiar with, with, with, with that necessarily. Right. You know what I mean? To, to, to the extent that, that he was going. But some of the things that this guy was saying I was extremely familiar with. You know, um, just coming from a lot of the, you know, literature and stuff that I, that I was accustomed to coming from the gang life and stuff like that. Yeah. So he was like saying some things.

He's saying things, man, that I'm like, what, what? How do you know this? You know, how do you know these kind? You know? And so he is like, yeah, you know, I'm, I'm a high level witch. I'm from Ridge. And, and I'm like, so this is when I got in, I started to realize what was going on around here, you know, as, uh, it, you know, you got gangs and stuff like that out here. You got drugs and stuff like that out here. But the occult man, it's, it's, it's extremely active out here.

Yeah. You know, it's, it's real man that, that, that dark spiritual sight is real, man. Wow. Yeah. Well, needless to say, uh, we end up one night, man. We end up in his garage and, uh, he's showing me some books and stuff, you know, um, some old, some old cult literature, you know, some old esoteric books and things like that. You know, and he's, he's, he's getting me acquainted to, you know, even some of the things that I was already accustomed to.

He was like, he was enlightened me on things, bro. That was, you know, was, was opening my eyes Yeah, bro. To like, you know, it was like God was supernaturally even showing me back then, like just the darkness I was really entertaining and that life that I was with. Okay. You know? Um, and so, you know, we ended up becoming pretty good friends and uh, well, you know, he ended up putting some witchcraft on me one night and I had no idea what had happened. Um, I didn't know what was going on.

Um, I remember we were out at a bar one night and we were doing karaoke and, uh, I had sang a song and I got done singing the song and he was insisting that I go sing another song. And so I go sing this song and I go up there to, you know, as soon as the song starts to, to come on and I go to sing, all of a sudden just. Nothing would come out, you know, and I'm like, what the, you know? So I go to try to sing again and nothing would come out. And I was like, frozen.

And I look back and he's pacing back in the back and he's got his arms fold and he's like kinda laughing. And I'm like, this dude just did something He had to have, you know, well, after that, man, um, I started having, uh, I started having conversations with, with things like that were coming, like everyone were in my head, you know? And, uh, I'll never forget, man, I'm being in my bedroom, man, and I'm, I'm having full blown conversations with demons, man.

Yeah. And, uh, I, I was totally like, oblivious to to that this was happening. I was like, like cognitively man. I look back and I was like, man, I didn't even really realize what was happening. And, um, well it was, uh, it started really torturing and terrorizing my wife, um, at the time to. Um, and so I remember she started praying for me, praying for me, praying for me. My countenance changed, you know, my eyes were turning black, you know, all over again.

And it's like, uh, darkness, just, yeah, like welled up in me, man. And, um, I had left this stuff, man. I, you know, I was drawn away and I was enticed. I allowed these things a foothold in my life, you know? Right. Um, cuz at this time I'm saved, you know? So I, I don't believe that truly I was like, possessed at this time, but I, I feel like that, that, that I was demonized to the point to where I was, you know, I had an no, I had an oppression. Right. You know, I had oppression.

Not, not, not what was the word, I po possession. So it's like a difference. Like, you can't be possessed, but you could be like the, the oppression or the attacks, you could be oppressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You can give the enemy like a, like a foothold.

Yeah. You know, like you can give him a gateway kind of access to your life, you know, and, and as believers, this, this can happen and, you know, um, that, that kind of bleeds into even the ministry that I'm into today Okay. Is really even helping believers come to the understanding of things that they don't even know are happening to them. You know?

And so, um, I know God, God used all this man, you know, um, because I'm, I'm, I'm reaching a lot of people that are dealing with a lot of these things now. And, uh, but I end up, you know, my, my wife. She ended up doing deliverance on me. You know, she ended up, um, praying over me. You know, she was interceding for me. Um, I remember she was losing her hair. Wow. Like she was praying so much. Um, she ended up giving herself a autoimmune disorder.

You know, I remember she was, uh, uh, she was, uh, man, I, I never wanna wa I never wanna see my wife go through what she went through ever again, man. Um, because it was, it was dark, man. And, and, uh, you know, I get convicted about that, you know, every now and again. But, um, eventually, man is supernatural. I had a supernatural experience, bro.

Uh, uh, I feel like I had the experience, um, that I needed, you know, to really set me on the journey and the path that I'm on today, because up until this point, you know, I still had, I was still questioning God Okay. In a lot of areas. Yeah. You know, I still had a lot of things and it was like, man, this, this just don't make sense, you know? And, um, while I knew I was, you know, I, I had had that encounter I'd like, I'd given my life to the Lord.

And, and, and I truly believed, but there was unbelief still in there. Yeah. At the same time. And so, and that's why that stuff, you know, ended up having its way. Well, after this happened, man, and I had this, I, I, I went through this deliverance. Uh, I felt this just, this weight just lift off of me. And I felt just like I could breathe it. It was, it was wild. And, and all the voices vanished.

And, and like, I dropped to my knees and I just, I started breaking in tears and I felt God, like, like supernaturally wrap his arms around me. Amen. It, it was so wild, man. And, and, uh, I look back and I'm like, man, Lord, like in the midst of my sin, man, he, he, he still loved me. Yeah. He still loved me. And it was that love that I encountered that day that, that I needed. It was like, I, I, I had had the revelation. You know, that I needed, it was like, man, God is true. His word is true.

Yes. You know, all this stuff that the Bible talks about is true. You know, it was like, I, I had this, you know, this a awake great awakening. And so I'll never forget, man, grabbing my headphones. I threw on some worship music and I ran across the street to the park, and I'm running around the park for like two and a half hours. And because I just felt so free, you know? Yeah. And, um, I, I'll never forget my wife, she's like, because I kept telling her, I'm like, it's done. It's over babe.

It's over. Like I, I mean it, you know? And she's like, are you sure? You know, she was real. Like, are you sure? You know? Yeah, yeah, of course. And so, man, like, you know, she'll tell you, man. It just, it was like a snowball effect after that, man, I just, uh, I caught on fire for the word, and, um, I just wanted to pray all the time. I just wanted to fast. Like, I just wanted to be with the Lord. Yeah. Like, it was, like, it was, it was so much like, it was so overwhelming.

Like it was like, Man, you know, I, I didn't wanna leave that place, you know, it was like I, for the first time, like, I really felt like, like I had a father. Yeah. Like, it was, it's weird, you know what I mean? Because truly that's all I really ever desired man, was to have a father. Man. I wanted a dad, man. I wanted somebody to just sit my butt down and, and, and stop me from doing what I was doing, you know?

Yeah. So, so and so, man, so, so you experienced this freedom and, and you mentioned the hunger for the word, the hunger for fasting prayer. What was like, what's next? Like, and, uh, I, I, what, were you married at this time already or were you guys together? Yes. By this time we were married. Okay. Um, before I had had this, massive, you know, fall off, uh, we ended up getting married. Okay. And, um, you know, it was under, it was unbelievable. Just we had a beautiful wedding.

It was like the, the Lord at that time just truly, you know, he made it to where, you know, everybody at our wedding was blessed, you know, uh, her family included, you know, her, her, she got, you know, she got family. Her family's from Mexico. My wife's Mexican, so, okay.

Um, you know, I've always adapted to the Latin culture because of family, you know, and so, um, her family man, they, they took me in, you know, her, her dad didn't, you know, was unsure about me right away, uh, until he, he got to see just, you know, what God was doing in me and things like that. And so, um, he built a trust and, and now like, man, her father's like my best friend, you know, like, wow, he's amazing. He's a father figure to me now, man.

Yeah. And so in her whole family, you know, her, her aunts, her uncles, her Nana, Herata, you know, um, you know her, her nana and Herata is from St. Loa, right? So, uh, um, I hang out with a lot of. St lows and stuff. And so they're, they're actually about to be out here next week, man. They're gonna come visit and stuff. And so it's, it's super cool, man. Like nice, God brought me into a family man. You know?

And like, but it was, it was, it was amazing how he, how he orchestrated this whole thing, even in, even in my faithlessness bro. Right? He was still faithful, man. Yes. He, he was still faithful to, to see me through all that and, and his grace man, that, that really gave me the ability to grow and heal. Yeah. You know, through, all, through all this stuff. And so, like, that's why, like the, my speech, everything changed, man, you know? Um, I stopped cussing, you know, I stopped smoking drugs.

Like I didn't have a desire for any of these things anymore. And it was, it's, it was unreal, bro. Cuz I never ever felt that, never experienced that, like, like true. Like, I truly didn't want or desire any of the things in the world anymore, you know? Now, how, how, uh, long has it been since that, uh, day that, that you experienced that freedom? So that was five years ago. Okay. I wanna say that was, uh, yep. That was five years ago. Uh, I wanna say May, uh, 2018 Nice. Was when that happened.

Okay. Now, the, the church that you're going to now, are you like involved in ministry work now or what, what, what are you doing out there right now? Yeah, so funny. Uh, so the church that I was involved in and in at that time, yeah. So this was, you know, I'd been here for a good three and a half years up until when this happened. And so, Know I was, I was going through the motions a lot, you know, I'd still go to church, you know what I'm saying?

I found myself falling asleep a lot and stuff in that time. But there were people in the church that knew I was just going through the motions in, in a lot of different ways, you know? And, and that was because I just, you know, I did, I hadn't had that encounter with the board that I, I was, I was desperately seeking at the time. But, so when, during that time, the pastor's son, you know, he, he really wanted me to share my testimony.

You know, there are a lot of guys in the church that I'm in that are ex gang members. You know, we got ex-football players. We got m m a fighters, you know what I'm saying? Black, white, Mexican, Asian. Like this church is filled with so many different demographics. Okay? And, and so I, you know, it was home for me right away. And, um, cuz out here in, you know, more in the west, it's, it's really racially segregated in a lot, in a lot of ways.

And so I really loved that church, and, and they pray. They were able to pray. You know, they were able to pray for me. And while they didn't know entirely what was going on with me, you know, it was obvious, right? It was obvious. I was, my eyes were black, you know?

So, so when this happened, um, I let the pastor or the ministry, I let the pastor son know, I, I was so filled with the Holy Spirit, and I came up to him and I said, man, I said, I feel God telling me to tell you I'm supposed to share my testimony. And he's like, all right, let's set it up. Let's do it this Saturday. And I'm like, well, o okay.

You know, and so I came in that Saturday, man, I'm, and I came in, just sat down, he recorded it and it just, you know, it just came out the way it came out. And, um, this was right before Easter. Um, and we were about to have resurrection Sunday come. And, um, I remember the pastor, um, coming to me and after he saw that, and he's like, I, I wanna put that in the sermon. Can I put that in the sermon for this, for this Easter Sunday? And I said, absolutely.

So we just so happened to be having this Easter celebration at the Pikes Peak Center, which is a big stadium out here. Yeah. And we had, uh, three, three services, hundreds of people at every service. And, uh, that video got played, you know, um, for every service, man, man, praise God. I watched hundreds of people give their lives to the Lord that day. I mean, I had, I had bikers, I had, you know, I had gang members, I had drug addicts. I mean, it was unbelievable, man.

Like, I remember for, for a good hour, like I was with a group of people and we were just weeping in tears, man. And just how good God was, you know? Yes. And so that, that was when the Lord put it on my heart, he says, I want you to serve. And so, um, I was doing a little bit of serving up until then, you know, I was doing some parking lot ministry stuff at the church, you know. Um, but I end up joining the worship team. And so, um, my whole family is musicians. Okay?

This is part, uh, this is, so I'll say this. Uh, I do believe God has some gifts and some talents and some things that are in me that he has yet to still use.

Um, I, I really am, I, I wanna lay the, I wanna lay a solid foundation in my relationship with the Lord before I, um, before I take that any further, but I end up joining the worship team and, um, I was on the ensemble and so a little bit of like maybe a year into doing that, um, our prayer team at the church started to dwindle and my wife had ended up taking up, um, the head of the prayer ministry at the church at the time, and we found to where she was wind winding up, being the only one

praying on Sundays. And um, so she asked me, she's like, would you help me pray? And I said, absolutely. Absolutely. And so that set me off. I ended up joining the prayer ministry and the worship team. And so I did that for a, uh, probably a solid five years. Nice. A good, good five years, right? Yeah. Until Jan, until January of this year. Okay. Uh, and so, um, yeah, uh, the Lord man, uh, the Lord really helped me build a, a solid relationship with him, man.

And, you know, it, it really helped me. Uh, I mean, those create a, a solid tho those two things you mentioned. I mean, prayer and worship, man, those are man, take right into his presence right there, man. Man, dude. Sunday in and Sunday out, man. We're singing with Angels, bro.

Amen. Like I had, you know, it's like, you know, when you come to the Lord, man, and you, the, the, the way that it happened with me, man, it, it's like every, I started to become real sensitive to, to the spiritual things, you know? Yeah. And, um, Man, bro, I just, I, I remember being up on that stage and just feeling the presence of just God's presence, just being up there like, yeah. Like we were singing with Angels Man. And, and that, that changed me, bro. Yeah. That, that, that changed me.

I believe it, you know, it did. You know. And then, um, the Lord eventually gave me a beautiful daughter, um, which I wasn't mean, my wife and I were not expecting Okay. At all. Um, that was, uh, unexpected blessing from the Lord. Yeah. Um, but man, greatest gift I could have ever asked for. Yeah. Man, you, you know what you, you mentioned earlier when you, when you had that moment with God, when he embraced you and you felt like the father's love and man, like man.

Yeah. He, he fathered you and then he allowed you to be a father. And I know we were talking on the phone earlier and you said, you mentioned something about, I think like she melted your heart. You know, I know you're going back to like emotions you're talking about. What, what, what, what, what did your daughter, like, bring out of you? Or what, what side did she bring out of you? Wow. So at first it was overwhelming. I remember the, I remember the night she was born.

Uh, so I do, uh, I do tree work now, right? I'm a arborist. Okay. And so I'm, I'm climbing in trees. I'm, do do a lot of physical labor now. And man, that's done wonders for my mental health. You know, that was also a blessing in disguise. But, um, my wife when, when her water ended up breaking, I was, uh, coming off a, a three day job where we had taken down like maybe 20 trees up in like larksburg. And so it's just me and my boss, you know? And so I wasn't sleeping real well.

And, and this is like two weeks before the date that she's supposed to Yeah. To have the baby. And so I remember I'm sitting in the chair, it's like nine o'clock at night. I'm still in my work clothes and I'm passing out in the chair and my wife just starts screaming, babe, my water broke. And I'm like, no, it didn't. No, it didn't. You got two weeks. You're tripping. You know? She's like, Nope, it did. And um, I was, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.

Uh, we got to the hospital and, uh, I really wanna share this because I believe it's important, man. And because for a guy like me who dealt with a lot of abandonment issues, a lot of, um, you know, just family, you know, abandonment and all those kinds of things, hurts and traumas and things like that. I, uh, it was the wildest thing, man. It was like the lack of sleep, the work in three days and then this, the high level of emotion.

Yeah. You know, with my wife, I, I, I, man, it was just too overwhelming. And, uh, I end up relapsing and getting high. Wow. I end up, uh, SMO, I end up smoking some weed and, uh, I ended up getting super convicted over it. You know? Um, I felt a conviction that I had never felt before. I felt. I felt like I, it was like, I felt like I lost my salvation or something, you know? Yeah. It was, it was the wildest feeling. And so I started to, to beat myself up, you know?

And I started to deal with, you know, like, man, just run, you know? It's like, like this, this voice hit coming over and over, just like, just run. Just run, you know? Just take off, you know? And yeah. And I'm like, I can't, I can't, you know what I'm saying? And now I'm in this position. I was like, there's that scripture that says that much is given, much is required, you know?

Yeah. And, um, at this time I felt like God had given me so much, and, uh, he was reminding me of all that he had done for me and then all this, and, and it was like I had finally stopped and I, and I started to listen to the Lord and he really spoke, you know, that soft voice. And he just, he secure it was like a secure voice of like, I got you. You know? He's like, I'm not gonna let you, I'm not gonna let you fall. Right. You know?

I'm like, but, but God, like, you know, I don't want to treat her the way, you know what I'm saying? My dad, and like, I just, I didn't want my baggage to come off on this, on this, this innocent child, you know? Right. Yeah. And, and so it was like, I just, at first man, at first it was overwhelming. Um, but God worked with me, man, and he brought me through. And, um, I I, I got even deeper into, um, just my prayer life and my devotional life.

My, like, my devotion, my devotion with the Lord, like in the morning is necessary now be, you know, because of all of this. Yeah. It's like I'd had a fire for the word, but like my zeal, my passion and everything was carrying me up into this point, you know? And it was like, now it was like God sat me down and was like, now I want you to know what it means to continue to keep choosing me. Yeah, yeah.

You know, and so it was like, man, my devotional life started getting deeper and, and then it was like, you know, more change started to fall off, you know? And. And that's been the beautiful thing about the Lord, is the process is just the, the chains, you know, that have been falling off one by one. You know? Um, obviously the bigger ones, the, the, the heavier ones, you know, they go first and then it's like, for me, that's just, that's how it's been. You know?

I know I meet guys, I meet guys now. It's like it all went away, you know? No, you know what, like, I, I like with me, I will say I had that dramatic change, but as you go on through the years, he begins to, to, I call it like, almost like, uh, residue. That still remains, you know, still, you, you, you think you're good, you know, but, but even the Bible says, uh, uh, be careful.

If you think you stand, like lest you fall, you know, it's, it is at those times where you think that you got it, that you're good, that you're, you're really not. You know what I'm saying? So we always gotta be like on guard. I, I, Uh, the, the thing that you mentioned about that conviction, uh, thank God for that conviction, man. And it's, it's not a condemnation, but the Holy Spirit does, does convict us. Like, man, like you mentioned, like, I can't be doing this no more.

You know, you, you can't even get pleasure of doing things that used to get pleasure of before. You know now, now that the Holy Spirit. Well, and that's the thing. It's like, and then guys like us, we kind of get that confused. It's like, God didn't, God didn't come to condemn us, right? He came to convict us of sin, righteousness, and judgment. You know, and, and so like the, those perspective things, you know, it's like those, your perspective starts to change.

And it's like the word just started really speaking to me in a level of grace and not, unless not, not, not condemnation, you know? And so I, I, I, I, you know, I, I love having the conviction in my life today, once I learned what it was there for, you know, it was like, you don't, and then, uh, could I ask you something? There's like, for, for any guys that are listening that maybe let, let's say they began to follow the Lord, right? They began to draw clothes to him.

And then man, they, they, they fell off, you know, like you mentioned maybe it got high, maybe they went back to the streets. Like what, what word of encouragement would you give somebody like that that feels like, ah, man, I already messed up. Mm-hmm. Man, God ain't gonna accept me. God doesn't want me back. Maybe that's what, like their mindset. Like what, what word of encouragement would you give to somebody like that? Yeah. Well, I'll give you the word of God.

Um, the Bible talks about when and if we sin that, um, if we confess those sins, that the Lord is faithful and just to cleanse us and of all of our unrighteousness. And so my encouragement to you is, is, man, it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's, it's, you gotta keep getting back up and, and, um, man, when you get back up, you'll, you'll notice God's grace will accept you back in. And, um, it, a lot of times it's, uh, it's us.

We, we set up these walls, these rules, kind of, these regulations in our mind that, that are on biblical, you know, that are really not from God, you know, Um, God truly loves us, man, and he wants the best life for us. And, um, I, this is coming from somebody who, who can, who followed, I fell over and over again, even after I got saved. You know, there was still so much that Right. That I didn't understand.

And, and I remember the Lord telling me, he's like, I want to transform you by the renewing of your mind. Amen. And so, in order for that to happen, you know, I had to draw close to the word of God. I had to truly, you know, dig into the word and, and let the spirit of God do the healing. Um, because our sins are dirty rags in the side of the Lord or we're, our righteousness is nothing but dirty rags.

Like we, we'll never be able to, first of all, we'll never be able to outs sin, God's love for us. Amen. That, that I've come to realize. Um, but man, not one person is righteous. All of us sin and fall short of the glory of God, every single one of us. Yeah. And um, and, and even like Paul, I remember the Apostle Paul, he says, he says, I have not arrived. He says, I have not arrived, man.

He had a thorn in his side that he used to talk about that a lot of times the Lord will allow certain things in our life to keep us submitted to him. Yeah. You know, and so if you're dealing with hardships, man, you know, uh, uh, the Bible says, man, turn to Jesus. Turn to him. Cast your anxieties before the Lord because he cares for you. Yes. You know, the Lord truly does care for us. And, um, Yeah, man, his grace is sufficient for you. Yes, it is.

Um, I, I, I found that to be true over and over again and will still continue to remain true until we graduate, you know, until, until we go be with the father man, absent from the body, present with the Lord. But I, I, I was gonna ask, man, we're already like at one 17, you know, hour 17. Oh, man. So we, we gotta get Yeah, try to, try to wrap but on up. But I was gonna ask you, is, is there, um, anything, um, I, I know that's with your, with your daughter, like what, what, what is God doing?

Like maybe like in this season of life that you're in, what, what do you feel he's he's doing in your life, or maybe is he leading you in a certain direction, you know? Yeah, so, um, this podcast was a big, was pretty big for me. You know, just connecting with a lot of brothers and stuff like that and, and, um, really allowing the Lord to open the doors that, that he wants to open. And, and so I'm actually a part of a church plant right now.

My wife and I, we, uh, Uh, we come alongside, uh, another brother who's actually from Chicago. He, uh, got saved out of a, a crack house on the west side. Oh, no way. And he's now the pastor. He's the pastor of this church over in Monument. Yeah. And so man on fire. Yeah. All, all, all those. It's funny cuz I'm thinking about, you mentioned how Chicago, everywhere you go, you got like Chicago connections, right? Everywhere, bro. Yeah. I mean, that's awesome.

Mean, see, see pictures from our services. I mean, he wears in Chicago hat, you know. Okay. I I'll have to check it out, bro. I mean, it, it, it's, it's awesome man. And it, the cool part about that is like, how many people are actually like, there's totally encouraged by us because we're, we're so charismatic, you know, we're very outgoing. Yeah. You know, and my pastor's very outgoing and, and, you know, um, It's the Lord. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's walking in repentance, man. It's truly, I feel like God gave us a voice, you know? Amen. And so, but yeah, my wife and I, we do, we're, um, on the prayer ministry of that. And so we're really helping to establish the prayer ministry and, um, the way we kind of talk about it as like, the Lord planted a 12 foot tree with this church because man, it, we already got two full services, you know?

And, um, we did baptisms this last Sunday, and man, over 30 people got baptized. Oh, no way. And so no man's, that's a lot. So dude, we're watching so many people come to the Lord and God's using man, the foolish things of this world right now to confound some of this worldly wisdom, man. Because man, I'm watching, I'm watching the spirit move in ways that like, truly it ain't me. You know? It's like, like Paul said, like, you know, I'm truly just a servant. You know what I mean?

Like, just a vessel, the most high. Cause it's all the spirit of God that's doing the work, man, you know? He's, and so, yeah, man, just, just remaining true to the gospel and, um, doing that. And I also have a group of guys that I've been discipling for some years now that we do evangelism in the hoods and stuff like that out here. And so we go in the hoods and pray for people, man, lay hands on people and you know, bring the love of Jesus out there for him, man.

And uh, man, bro, I'm watching gang members get slay in the spirit out there. And it's, it's, it's beautiful, man. Man. I'm telling you this life is more real than, than what everything this world's got to offer. Yes. You know? Yeah, for sure, man. Definitely, man, there's, I'm sure like the joy you get outta what you're doing now, can't compare to anything you were doing in the past. Right? It's the highest high without, without taxation. Hey man. Amen brother.

Hey, you know what, uh, can you share the name of that church, the ministry that you plugged into? Yeah. So, um, the church I'm in is called Roots Church and Monument Colorado. Um, the little name of the, the ministry I got going on is called Gutter to Glory. Oh, nice. Um, you know, a bunch of guys who come from the gutter are now living for glory.

Yes. And so that's, you know, that's what we call, so about five, six of us, you know, kind of varies and stuff like that, looking to grow that, you know, as we continue to, to step out because there aren't too many, I'm noticed a lot of people are really kind of, uh, passive in, in, in, in, in, in a lot of ways with outreach. Yeah. At this time, you know, I know a lot, a lot of the church is trying to figure out how to, how to do it, you know. Right. Helps coming from the streets, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Stuff like that. And, uh, you know, I, it's easier for me to get around the streets and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's just what God's doing with me right now, and then I'm helping another really good friend of mine. Named Rob Decker from Rises Lions. I gave him a little shout out cause uh, I, I run kind of the bible study wing of his, his ministry, and we have softball in the community. We have workout community, we have, man, we're doing a lot out here in Colorado Springs.

And, um, and we're just connecting man. We're connecting the body, you know? Yeah. It, it, it, it's awesome. You mentioned, you know, like, uh, I told you I've been in Colorado like the last two years, two, two summers in a row, you know, and my kids are going out there again this year, so, but man, yeah, definitely. Come link up with us, man. Good day, man. You know, maybe, you know for sure if you let me pitch a 10 in the backyard. I'll be right there, man. Save me some money in a hotel, bro.

I got a nice backyard, man. God blessed us with a home. Oh yeah? Yeah. I'm a homeowner, bro. Oh, praise God. Look at that. That's what I mean. It's like, dude, I got a home, I got a wife, I got a daughter like bro. I remember being in a jail cell dreaming about this kind of stuff. Like, man, I ain't never, you know, can I, could I ask you that, and I know you mentioned you were always moving, you know, unstable and, and even when you had your daughter, man, I wanna run.

What, what, what did that, what did that mean to you? Because I, I'm sure like homeowner to, you had to have much more significance, man, you know, I still don't think it's set in okay. You know, honestly, um, just the way God supernaturally moved in that like, dude, Our credit scores were, it was weird. They came back at like 200, 2 60. It was like, what? I didn't even know the ones that low. They was like, man, bro, they don't, we even got a call from, from the place.

And they was like, Hey, uh, I don't think this is, you know? Right, right. And so they, it was weird how it all happened, man. You know that, that's a story in itself, that's a testimony in itself. But God's supernaturally moved and gave us a home. Man, I got fenced in backyard. I got two beautiful pit bulls. You know what I'm saying? And nice, you know, I'm, yeah, man, I'm just living and loving today, bro. Hey, praise God. And truly grateful. I'm grateful that we get to do this, you know?

Yes, yes, yes, sir, man. And give, give God some glory. Hey, you know what, brother could, could you, could you close us out in a prayer? You know, maybe say a prayer Absolutely. For, for, for the guys that are gonna be listening, you know, maybe they're similar backgrounds, similar situations, and just, well, whatever God places on your heart, you know? Absolutely dear Father God, we just thank you, Lord. We thank you for this time.

Lord God, I thank you for brother Omar, Lord, his heart, father God is so encouraging. Lord God, I thank you just for the platform that you have blessed him with Father God to, to reach the masses, Lord God, as today. Lord, our purposes are your purposes, father. So just thankful, Lord, I pray that you would bless Omar, father God, that you would, uh, continue to bless his ministry from this point forward. I pray that many souls.

Are touched and many lives are changed and healed through this podcast. Lord God, I pray that right now in Jesus' name. Lord, I pray that anyone's watching, father God, that might be battling unbelief or, or even unforgiveness as, uh, I know there's, uh, you know, the enemy's done, a done a number on us, you know, within our families and within, within our friendships and things like that, Lord. So, but I know God, you are a God of restoration. You are a God of reconciliation, Lord.

So I just pray that anybody that's might be battling just, you know, unforgiveness or just loss in your life, Lord God, I pray that they would, that they would trust in you. Father God, I pray that in this time that they would draw close to you, Lord, I pray that they would put all their thoughts and their desires and their wants aside Lord, and that they would take that step of faith. Father God, you are a good God and you have the best life for us, Lord God.

So I just pray, Lord, that people are touched, Lord, that the Holy Spirit Father would draw them in, Lord God, to your everlasting love Father. We thank you, Lord. I just pray, you know, for Omar and everything going forward, Lord, in Jesus name I pray, amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you for being out here, brother. Thank you for being, sharing your story with us and God bless you, your marriage, your wife, uh, the ministry work man.

Keep, keep serving and keep allowing God to use you in, in what, whatever way He's, he's, uh, calling you to, you know, I know we're talking earlier, but God's definitely in, in the move and, uh, he's putting pieces together for a reason. And, uh, I look forward maybe, you know, maybe one day connecting in person, whether you're out here or I go out there.

But definitely man, I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah, man, it, it excites me to hear what God's doing in the life of people and, uh, what he's, what what you mentioned earlier, you know, the, the foolish things, you know, to, to shame the wise man. Yeah. But, uh, man, it just, it's humbling that God will choose to, to allow us to, to join in, in his work.

You know, it's, it's, it's a privilege and honor just gives you, I know it gives me joy, man, to do this, to be able to get people's stories out there and man, just. Just give God the glory. So thank you very much for being out here, brother. Thanks, brother. All right. Well, with that we're gonna, we're gonna wrap up. Uh, we, we, we, I just wanna thank everybody for joining us on another episode of Wrong to Strong Chicago.

Matthew four 16 reads, the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death light has dawn. My name is Omar Calvio. I am wrong, too strong.