Dread – Heartiste

Examples of effective doom inducement:

– Turn off your cell phone twice a week. Alternate days.

– Make a blatant but plausibly deniable move on one of her friends when she’s not around. The news will get back to her. 

– Call her from a very busy place so that she can hear women’s voices laughing and shrieking in the background. Don’t tell her where you are when she asks.

– Mention how skilled your Russian ex was at giving head. 

– Be seen by your girlfriend flirting with other women in a social venue. Extra points if the women are attractive. 

– Cook her a romantic candlelight dinner at home... Then, do not talk with her for four days afterwards.

– Ignore her calls for a week. When you eventually answer and she reads you the riot act, act as if nothing was wrong and accuse her of sabotaging a perfectly good relationship.

– When her best friend tells you how cute you and your girlfriend look together, shrug.

– When she attempts the jealousy maneuver by flirting with another guy, act unfazed. Give her pickup tips.

– Gaze longingly into her eyes, say how hot she looks, then immediately glance at the bosom of any woman in the vicinity.

– Have a threesome. Spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the labia of the other woman. Be sure to moan louder with her.

– Say things like “I really value my independence and freedom” relevant to nothing in particular.

Thermonuclear Option:

** Have an affair and make sure she finds out about it.