Hey everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello friends, we have a guest you have all been waiting for, asking for, excited for. Today, we're joined by the iconic Melanie Lynsky on the podcast Melanie has become an industry staple. She has amassed a plethora of gorgeous, thought provoking roles across film and television over the course of thirty years, and we are all obsessed with her latest role starring opposite Christina Ritchie in the ten time Emmy nominated Showtime
series Yellowjackets. Soon, Melanie is leading a film called Pike River opposite Robin Malcolm, directed by Robert Sarkis, which touches on the profound impact of a disaster in New Zealand. We recently got to fangirl her on HBO's critically acclaimed The Last of Us, and today we're going to dig into what inspires her and motivates her as an artist, a parent, a spouse, and the coolest girl any of us knows. Let's dig in with Melanie Lynskey.
Well, Hi, Hi, I'm so glad you're here, so thank you for having me. Thanks so much to me, so much to me.
I feel like life is so crazy and since the pandemic, no one hangs out, which is okay because everyone it's crazy, But I'm like, sometimes I just have to figure out a way to bamboozle people to come sit here, just.
So I can squeeze you. Yeah, until I know. I know, I feel the same Easton.
This is obviously a side note, but like this, I've known for so long. You're one of those people I have that deep feeling with where I'm like, we never are in the same place, so we don't really hang out.
But I am convinced.
And I don't mean this in the way that fans say it to me, and I'm sure they say it to you. I mean it in a real way where I'm like, she's kind of my best friend, only I don't know it, Like.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
I feel like if we hung out all the time, you would know my you would just be one of the first people i'd call. I don't see you a lot, but you make me feel safe that way, like the way my closest friends make me feel.
That's the loveliest thing you could possibly say, And I feel so the same. And it's funny and I felt it from the moment I meet you. Yeah. I was just like, oh yeah, I was like, oh hi, yeah, yeah we where were we?
You had that cute little house in like Eagle Rock or an Achoo.
Yeah, because we meet when you worked with Jimmy with my ex husband. Yes. Yeah, you say that so gently and kindly. I love that.
I don't have the same feeling about mine. So well done you.
No, it's good. I'm glad my daughter's like fascinated with him. Really yeah. I accidentally said 's husband in front of her one day and she was like, oh mommy, and she was like, did you kiss him? Oh my god? I said yeah, I sure did a bunch of times. Yeah I know. I was like, and I kissed other people too. It's good for her to know. I don't want her to have the like well sure princes singular princes fantasy, you know, like where she's like there's one true love, like I can't stand it. Yeah. Oh how
old is she? No? Six? Wow?
Yeah, so you're really in it. Yeah, it's it's really funny. My partner has kids. Oh yeah, therefore and about to be three. And I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was something about you know, blenda family for us, and her little best friend at school has two moms and one of the other kids at school has two dads, and so everyone's you know, yeah, there's all these different families, and.
To kids, it's so obvious.
But someone said something in front of her about Oh it was us. We were going to a wedding, and she was like, but what's a wedding?
And we were like, oh.
How do you how do you explain to a four year old what a wedding is? And we said, you know, you know how people have mommies and daddies and yeah, and usually you know, if you don't have two houses with you know, two mommies and bonus parents and gigi's and mimmys and you know, big extended families, some people just have two people they live with in a house. And sometimes the mommy and daddy or the mommies or the daddies are married.
Yeah, you know, it's.
And I'm like, how do you say it's a ceremony that it gives you a tax break?
Like, I don't know how to explain any of this to a child. And so we showed her some pictures.
From weddings and When we got home, we showed her pictures of our friends who got married and they're like, very cool elder lesbians in their sixties.
Yeah, this very cute wedding.
And the immediate feedback was, wow, Auntie Cindy looks so pretty, and Auntie Michelle looks so pretty, and.
Wow, look at those look at the big trees.
Because we were in Palm Springs. She's very into the palm trees. And then she turns and goes, this looks fun, and we said, yeah, weddings are fun, and she goes, Okay, I'm gonna marry Ruby, who's her best friend at school. We were like, so cute, Yes, sure.
Absolutely, whatever you want. Oh my god, I overhood my daughter. The other day, a babysitter who hasn't been with us for a while was there and Kahi, my daughter, was like, I have a crush on Levi and I'm going to marry Levi. And her babysitter was like, oh, I thought you had a crush on Ione, who was her best friend, and she goes, well, she's my ex girlfriend, but we're still friends. So I heard Sophie just that laughing so much. Oh, it's so fun. The stuff they say, oh my god,
she's my ex girlfriend. It's wild. You're like, where did you learn I don't know.
Well, maybe now she has context for yeah face two, Yeah, exactly.
I love it. That's cute. But yeah to the kids, kids are not like, wait, why are two women marrying each other? They're just like, oh, yeah, They're like cool, Yeah, these people are in love. Those people are in well we are.
Really we're jumping into kids and real present. But interestingly enough, the place I love to start with people is connected because so many people know you, especially you from the iconic nature of your filmography, all the movies you've given us and the shows you've given us, the treats you've
given us as viewers. And I always think this question is more interesting for people with you kids, because I think about how an audience really meets you in your work, and I wonder about who people were before they were known. And if you got to kind of put a little wrinkle in time and walk into the park and see yourself at your daughter's age, would you see yourself in her? Like would you as an adult go oh there I am yeah? And do you think you see that part of yourself and your kid.
I don't know that I do. I mean, I see some of myself and my child, and I just got emotional about it last night, so I'm probably gonna get emotional again because I just she's a very deeply feeling child and her need to express herself and say how she's feeling is so great, and she can't sit around with an emotion. She drives her crazy. And I was the same, Like I felt things very deeply, but I didn't necessarily have like a safe place to get them out.
Like I'm the oldest of five, my household was very busy a lot of the time, and I don't know. It was just my husband and I were both with our daughter and like holding her and listening to something that she was like outraged about, and I was like, gosh, this would have felt nice. I have two parents who were just on your level. Just like, tell me about it, tell me how that felt. I understand that you're angry. I'm so sorry, you know, And I was like, God,
that would have been amazing. And I think I love the confidence that she has because of it. I love the way she feels totally fine to talk about her feelings and she understands who she is, and I just yeah, so the little version of myself that never really felt like it was okay to do that. I think also though, that's why I fell in love with acting when I was so young. I was like, Oh, you're allowed. You can get on the stage and be whoever you want
to be. You're allowed to be loud, You're allowed to be loud, You're allowed to feel different things. I really did understand the aspect of taking something from your own life and channeling it into your work, even when I was quite young. The catharsis of it, you know, and I got kind of addicted to it, and so I don't know if I would have necessarily found it to be such an outlet for myself if I i'd been allowed to express whatever.
Right, Yeah, maybe if you hadn't been in that eldest darter role, you wouldn't have found your art. Yeah, but that's so interesting that you know, from not having had it, how to give it to your kid.
Yeah. Yeah, and I'd probably go a little overboard. But also, is there any such thing as going overboard when it's like listening to your child? I don't. I don't think so. Yeah, because here's the thing, that I think.
And it's not like there's some solution, right or some equation. You know, we're not talking about math. But you know, you mentioned she's six, You're not You're not over indulging a twenty year old. Yeah, though, I hope when your kid is twenty you love listening to her.
You know, hope she wants to talk to me about them, of course.
But it's like what I think about, especially when they're little, is the more you can give them and the more kindness you can show them, and the more you can permit their feelings, the more you'll be able to help them refine. Yeah, those feelings, and they're I feel like we're the generation we're all our therapists talk to us about having a toolkit because clearly our parents didn't have any.
And it's like she will be more adept at using her tools, yeah, sooner, because you've given her the space to identify the feelings first and then eventually to start learning what the tools are.
I hope. So yeah, Like I remember she was like eighteen months old or something and she fell down and she started really crying, and there was a family member there who was like, you're okay, you're okay, and it was very hard for me to speak up, but I was like, we actually don't know if she's okay, Like that's not our body. So I never want to tell her she's okay. I want her to figure out when she's okay. And you know, for a while, she would really react every time she got hurt, even a little bit.
It was a bit like you are actually okay. But I also was like, I'm going to let her figure it out. And she's now much more resilient, like she'll fall down and she'll be like, I'm okay. I want to tell someone that they're okay. Like it's such an odd instinct for me and something that we just grew up with, being like you're fine, you're fine, And then it's like you start to lose track of your internal compass that is telling you with it you're fine. I just wanted her to be able to decide. I think
that's really beautiful. I think and listen.
I can't pretend to know what it was for our parents, but it really does seem like our generation of women was very much raised to have everything be okay, as long as everything was people pleasing and polite and overachieving and you got good grades, and you made sure you looked nice, and you made sure you took care of everybody else.
Yeah, very much.
And to unlearn that, to learn that you're allowed to be lowed, to learn that you're allowed to express feelings, to learn that you're allowed to be angry, that it's human.
Oh god, it's such a journey. Did did art help you get there? Do you think maybe before you even knew? Yeah, I guess so. But I always had trouble. It was always the hardest thing for me to access. And I think just because it's so ingrained in us as women like to not be angry. And I never felt like it was justified. I never felt like the circumstances had warranted it. You learned to push things down. You're like, well, how did I play a part in this? You know,
also like codependent and all that stuff. But I went to a place and did like five days straight of therapy after I broke up with Jimmy, because I was going a little crazy, and so I did a very intensive five days and one of the things I had to do was just be angry. I had There were like all these plastic like foam blocks and I had to hit them with a baseball bat. And initially I think I was just like, oh, you know, like just that seems fine, and my therapist was like encouraging me
to go a little further. And by the end of it, she and I were both just weeping, Like she was standing there weeping with me, because there were so many years that were built up of things I never felt like it was okay to be angry about. And I realized like, oh, I'm scared that I'll start feeling angry and then I'll just be better and angry forever. I didn't understand letting it out and moving through it and being a more healed and healthy person. Yeah, and so
that was the beginning of it. Wow, Yeah, it was great.
We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a word from our sponsors.
I went through.
Something similar leaving leaving a job and knowing that I had to, but also being confused because we don't do that in our industry, right, and we certainly don't do that to protect ourselves. How dare you, ma'am?
You know?
And I went to a similar place. I did a five day intensive and really had to start to figure out how to process, and weirdly, the thing that helped me begin to understand that I deserve to be angry was when I finally started to share with some of my closest people and they were so taken aback and then so outraged, and I was like, oh, I mean I felt like a baby because I was having something mirrored and learning that that's how humans feel, and going, oh,
I'm allowed to feel this. And then it took me years to work through some of that, as you said, because there was a peer where I was like, am I just going to be enraged forever?
Yeah?
But the weirdest thing is I had to learn that actually falling in love with my anger like learning to cultivate it and listen to it, and the way you talk about listening to your daughter, I had to listen to it. And when I loved it, it was like years of armor fell off of me. I felt the softest and most patient, but also solidly boundaried I'd ever felt in my life. And I was like, is this a thing people do?
It's well, yeah, that's so beautiful. Do we just get to do this? But I know it's funny sometimes how it really does take someone else looking at you and being like that is not okay. Yes for you to go oh like I for about ten years, I had a very very restrictive eating disorder, and I was so unkind to myself and I would eat like a certain number of calories a day and if I went anything over, I would grow up. I was never like a bingee person or anything like that. It just was like very restrictive.
And I had a boyfriend when I was twenty one and we were living together and kind of was like something's going on. And when I talked to him, I shared it with people before and people had been like, oh, I hate my body too, I haven't eating, you know. And I cheered it with him, and I remember him just looking at me and saying, that's so violent. And I never thought. I was like oh, he said, I
can't believe you've been doing that to yourself. And then he just cried and he was like I'm so sorry, You're so perfect, You're so beautiful, and it was this compassionate. It shook me. I just was really like it changed something like just to see somebody like witness it and just say like that's not okay. And that was the beginning of my recovery, which was pretty Yeah, I'm very very grateful. Yeah, you sometimes do need somebody to.
Yeah, someone mirroring you so honestly and authentically and from a place of kindness. Yeah, not to minimize excuse you know, it struck me earlier when you were saying like, oh, yeah, all these sort of concessions that women get taught to make, and you don't even realize how many you are making.
Yeah.
I think something that happens to us a lot too, to divest us from our anger is well, it could have been worse. Yes, Oh yeah, that guy is a creep, but he didn't fill in the blank. Yeah, this was terrible, but you didn't fill in the blank. There's always a couching of Well, it was unfortunate.
But not awful. I sometimes awful things are just awful.
Yeah, And in a way, this man who just had never been taught to minimize his feelings, i'd bet didn't minimize yours and so you could stop. Yeah, it wasn't like, oh, well, you're trying to be an actress and all actresses are on a diet or whatever gross disgusting thing they love to tell us. When we were young. You know, the industry was so toxic and so icky, and I bet there are so many women who were given.
Well you're you're just strict with yourself. Oh, you're just very disciplined.
It's like, no, I'm being violent with myself. Actually, yeah, that's a big shift. Yeah, when did that develop for you? If you don't mind me asking about it, I never want to.
You know, like around early puberty. Okay, Like I already was very I was like a very regular child. You know, I don't think my mother would mind me saying she has had issues with her eating, and I think, you know, you see particular things being modeled and people not eating. There was a lot of like weird food talk in our house. And you know, I already felt so self conscious and so aware of what my body looked like and not being like a stick thin little child, just
a normal, regular child. And then my body started changing and I like freaked out. I just was like, how can this happen? I already was trying to make peace with what it was, and I also felt very vulnerable. And then I was reading some like teenage girls magazine like Believe Me, and I was like, oh, this is a great idea, like it just seemed like such an quick click fix. Yeah, and then I yeah, it mostly was just very very restrictive, which I was raised for,
you know. And yeah, the very long yeah, ten years of just thinking also thinking about food so much. Yeah, thinking about my body so much, looking at myself in the mirror like as parts parts of a body, like this part, that part, what's wrong with this? What's wrong with that? And not taking myself in as a human being, which also like breaks my heart, like I not do this thing. But there are some mornings I look at my daughter and I just think, oh my god, she's
so gorgeous. And I always say to her, I think that you got more beautiful in the night, and she like runs over to the mirror and she's like, ah, I think I did. I look to herself. She's like, oh, I think I did get more beautiful, and I'm like, I think so. And then I have Jason, so I'm like, do you think she got and he's like, oh, yeah, I think.
Like I just want her to know like that she's amazing.
You're so beautiful, we were so perfect, And she's never looked at herself with anything other than like love and she's on these sex you know, the world is coming for her. But I just remember just whittling myself down and being so aware of all the things that were wrong, and it was such an exhausting way to live and boring. And it was interesting because I was a little feminist,
Like I read so many I read everything. I had read so much feminist literature, and I was very aware of like the issues with body image and society and you know, women's rights, and we were living in the era of like third wave feminism. I felt very excited about possibilities, and I still felt the need to make myself smaller. Yeah.
Yeah, Sometimes I wonder though about that, how much you can know and believe about the world and what the world deserves, and what your friends deserve and what women deserve, and somehow it won't.
Settle for you.
Yeah, yeah, I It took me a long time and really wondering how. I had a moment where I woke up and went, how is this my life to go? How have I paid so much attention to everyone else's well being and community well being and the well being of a set and of friends and family and coworkers, and all of which I love I don't want to give that up. But why haven't I paid attention to mine? How have I erased myself in my own spaces? And
I don't think we're taught to pour into ourselves. And it really feels and I don't know maybe our parents felt this way, but it really feels like our generation of women wants to shift that for our kids. Yes, like you really want this to be, you know, a tipping point. Yeah, And maybe it's part of why there's this crazy backlash against us, because they're like, oh god, they've had a generation of access and they really want to use it.
And I'm like, yeah, yep, oh, it's we do absolutely the reason. And then you see, you know in society suddenly like being extremely thin is like becoming really fashionable again and like well making yourself small yeah, And it's like, oh that's interesting.
Well it's interesting to me too when I think about this, because I think about my favorite women to watch and preparing for today, I.
Was like, oh my god, how could I forgotten the.
Two of my favorite women to watch made one of their first movies together. You know, we were you were, yes fifteen, oh when.
You did Heavenly Creatures.
Crazy and I think about especially these projects that you and Kate Winslet have been doing, these conversations you've had about women's experiences in this industry, the incredible bodies of work you both have, and how somehow we're in a moment where the whole industry is like, these women are having their moments. Melanie Lensky's getting her due, Kate Winslet has a show that finally deserves her, Like, yeah, you guys have You've sprinkled magic dust on all of us.
And it's not lost on me that you did that project together when you were in the midst of trying to figure this all out for yourself, that both of us you know, I don't know her personally, but she shared many of these things.
Yeah, it even.
Feels like, oh, these incredible women are helming the most successful projects and entertainment and really taking up their space. And then you know, the sort of backlash to our auton and liking ourselves seems to be so strong, and I'm just like, no, yeah, this is my side of the sesar.
Yeah, me too. It's crazy to me. I'm just like, oh no, we can't let go of it. We just can't. No, I do have to say, Like when I worked with Kate and I was fifteen and she was seventeen, I was so in awe of her. I just adored her. We had very like big sister little sister vibes, Like I worshiped her, and we were very very close, like best best best friends. And to watch her work and to just see like she was the most beautiful woman. I didn't know people could be that beautiful in real life.
Like I just was like, this is crazy. She just looked she was so gorgeous. And then you know, she went out in the world and she started working, and it just felt like the natural order of things because I was like, I've met like a genuine movie star, and then she started to become a movie star. I was like, that makes sense, that's what should happen. And then to see I guess it was mostly after Titanic, this crazy backlash that she had to endure and the
way people talked about her body. I felt like I was living in an alternate reality. I was like, no, but that, like it was so bizarre and people commenting on her body and I was like, that's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Don't talk about anybody like that,
But I just it felt like backwards world. Yeah, and the fact that she had to endure that and she did it with so much grace and so much care for other women at a time when it was not spoken about, people were not sitting around talking about body image because nobody had different bodies and she didn't even have a different bodies was tiny, but she was forced into this position and she stepped into it so gracefully, And I remember at the time being like so furious
on her behalf that she had to do that, but also just an awe of the fact that she was able to and she wanted to uplift other women. And I knew it was a struggle for her. I knew how she felt about her body was a struggle. And I don't know. I wonder if she came to accept herself more because she was put in a position of lifting up other women and making other women feel seen.
But just like how difficult that was for her and how unfair And at a moment where she was just like stunning the world with her talent, and of course people someone has to like take you down when you're like literally on top of the world and then the biggest movie of all times. Ione has to be like Ben, this thing an invented thing, that's not even wrong with her. And I don't know. I've just a lot of compassion for what she had to go through. And she's still
doing that. She's still like such an incredible spokesperson for women. It's really like, for all these years, it's pretty amaze.
Yeah. Yeah, it's such an odd thing to be because it does feel like they want to put you on the pedestal just so they can enjoy.
Knocking you off.
Oh yeah, was the moment of making that film because you all were so young and you know, hadn't quite exploded out into the world of the industry yet. Did did you know it would change things? Or did it feel a bit like summer camp?
It was my first job, so I just I couldn't believe I was on a movie set and Kate was like very professional, and she had been working for a long time. It was her first movie, but she'd done a lot of television and so she was really telling me how things worked. And I remember her saying, like, what are you going to spend your money on? It
wasn't very much money. When I back but like I was like, I'm bent this money, and I realized like she was thinking she was going to get another job, she was going to I was like, this is it for me, Like I'm going to keep this money in a bank account to last me for the rest of my life, which is so funny. But she was, you know, thinking about like jobs in the future, and I it was just I couldn't believe I was there. I felt
like I'd want to fan competition or something. Yeah, we'll be back in just a minute.
After a few words from our favorite sponsors.
Well, so what happened next?
Because you know your filmography is over one hundred titles long, is it?
Yes, Oh, it doesn't seem right.
I was like, my goodness, gracious, it's a factoid that I read and went grit.
It's crazy.
And you you have been part of such a conic things through your career, and I've also heard you talk.
About how.
You know, it's it's been gorgeous and it never quite did the globally explosive thing like this until Yellowjackets. But you're like one of the most prolific successful actors ever, how does that is it just hard to have it sort of resonate the things you're doing, or is it that actor's stress of every job you're wondering if you're ever going to get another job.
Yeah, it's that thing, okay. And I never had the goal of being famous. I'm very shy, I'm I don't like it. I'm very grateful now. I don't get recognized very much, and when I do, somebody is very specific and they know exactly it's either they know exactly where they know me from when they have something very specific to say, or as someone who's like, did you go to such and such college? And if I didn't, they're
like like thrown off by the accent. So I can kind of still move around and just be normal in the world. I was always so afraid of not being able to do that, you know, and I never sort of being like a true famous person. It feels like a prison. I agree. Yeah, yeah, So this has come sort of like as close as I would ever want to get, and it's very strange but also manageable. But it's also so.
Cool as a you know, as a fan of yours and then as such a fan of the show to watch what you ladies have built and to watch the hunger for it, the reception of it, the excitement around it for women who you know, when we were in our twenties they were telling us. By the time we were forty, we don't never work.
Again, I know.
And you're like, sorry, I'm just owning the hottest show on TV at forty four.
You're welcome. Is it sort of delicious? It's incredibly delicious, so great, love it. I love it too, and I just think there's so much opportunity. Like a very dear friend of mine in New Zealand created a show She's just Too sixty. She created a show that she's the star of It just got nominated for a BAFTA for Best International Show. It's called After the Party and now's
Robin Malcolm. Oh yeah, whenever it comes out here, it's so so, so good and she's like sixy and great and funny and she made it happen for herself and it was everywhere it's eared, it's been huge. It's been so popular because like there's a hunger for it. People want to see stories about women who are not like twenty five years old. No disrespect to twenty five year olds, but you know, it's people want to stories about women who are like themselves.
Yes, And I want to see stories that aren't just about high school.
Yeah.
And I understand the irony of saying that as a girl who got famous on a show about high school. Yeah, but it can't just be that. And when I look at our you know, small to overlapping large groups of friends, we are all so much hotter, better looking, funnier and more interesting than we were twenty years ago. And I think twenty years ago we were pretty cute. I think so too, but we're better now. Yeah, And I want this.
I want our world reflected well. And I want the girls that are playing the high school girls now to know like, we're here.
We got you. Yeah.
Oh yeah, I want that so much. What is it like doing that sort of dance with yourselves and your younger selves on the show, you know, because obviously you're you're shooting in I would imagine different locations different at different times. Do you get to spend much time I'm with the alter ego? High school kids are not?
Really, we try to. We try to see each other whenever we can. Sophie and I are really close, and my closest friend on the show was someone who played Lottie, and hers is Court and you who plays Lottie. So the four of us would get together a bit, which is really cute and fun, sweet and a thing that I found because I was very concerned with like being an advocate for everybody, and I reached out and I was like, if you need anything, I'll be your spokesperson
whatever you need. And they were all kind of like, oh thanks. They were like that's so sweet. But they did not need me at all. There's an agency that they have that is just inherent in a way of standing up for themselves that I love. I love it. Wow. Yeah, nobody's like is it okay if I say this. They're just like, well, I'm going to say something, and I just I'm like, okay, you really don't need me. Do you feel like you learn from them too? Yeah? Oh yeah, very much.
And I always wonder about this when you're on a show that has just changed the zeitgeist in the way that Yellowjackets has. Did you did you know when you read the script? Did you think, oh, this is one of the best things I've read in years, or was it the sort of arc of season one? Like did you have a clue before it came on and you saw the reception or were you sort of taken with it the way the audience was.
I thought it was really good. Yeah, I thought the pilot was so well written. I also had an infant, and I was interested in being in half of a show. I was so tired. I was like, that sounds great. That sounds great.
By the way, I agree, yeah, I'm like, how do we do more of what you're doing? Oh?
Please, They're like in half of the show with this other timeline. I was like, I'm listening. Oh, but I just thought the pilot was so good. I have no idea how many people they offered it to before it came to me, but I'm very but no, I know that there were really Yeah, but I'm very grateful, thank you to all those people who passed. I just was, I'm I just loved it. I loved it so much, and I was just like, yeah, this feels right. And
then we made the pilot. Everything felt great, and we just heard nothing, not like good job, it looks great, what nothing? We had absolutely nothing. And then it was the pandemic and I was just like, well, I guess nothing's happening with that. Then it seems like just like nothing at all. And then I was on a call with my psychic and all I wanted to talk about was whether I was going to have another baby. And she started to tell me that there was something going
to happen in my career. It because it didn't happen when I was twenty five. I thought, well, that's never gonna happen. Said that's coming, and you've already done a bit of it, and I was like, I did a pilot, but I don't think it's going. It's like, oh no, that's it. It's going. Okay, Well I want this woman's fine, I'll give you her phone number. She's amazing. I'm giving her phone number to so many people. Now she's impossible to get an appointment. Well, well it makes time for me,
but but yeah, it was absolutely so. I had that kind of a hits up because she's never wrong. But it didn't make any sense to me. I was just like, I don't think so. I'm forty four years old. We've heard not a word about this pilot. It's been nine months. I think at that point, like nothing. It's so crazy.
Yeah, and then what you got the call and they said you need to move to Vancouver in three days later.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, in one month, please change entirely. Yeah exactly. And your baby and the damn it. Oh my god.
Wait, I have all these questions about your coworkers and female rage and all these thoughts, and I'm like, hold on, when did you start seeing a psychic? Tell me everything?
Oh? My therapist I had a therapist was no, you should talk to No. Yeah, I love this, I know, and she's been very she's very healing, okay, because a lot of people get very judgy about these things.
And then there's also a part of me that things look, there's so much we know. There's so much we know we don't know about science and the universe, and we know where this teeny tiny galaxy in this giant you know, mcflurry of galaxies essentially, like there's so much out there that we can't possibly understand. When I think about the things we know that our grandparents didn't know, that doctors
didn't know. Yeah, I get excited about possibilities and energy, and I think there are people who are tapped into that A lot.
Of us aren't. Yeah, but how do you.
I mean, I'm sure there's a little bit of a feeling of well, why not if my therapist says it to me? But how did you make the leap to say, oh, forget, I'm just going to book an appointment with us.
I can can see what happens. I just was too curious. She was a very unconventional therapist. She passed away a few years ago. I'm sorry, but she did a lot of weird I was in group therapy with her. That was always a fun time. Was she your five day person? She'd sent me the first time she met me, she sent me to the five day place. Oh, I like her. It's my kind of broad.
It's not I don't feel like you're decision well, but I don't feel like you'd say, lady like she feels like abroad.
She's abroad. She was broad like, she really was. She really was. But yeah, the first time she met me, she was like, you know where you have to go? And she like called them and I was like, told me for twenty minutes, are you sure? Like? But I trusted it? Is it time? Yeah? Wow? It was very strange.
And then how do you I'm so curious about this, how.
Do you kind of mitigate the.
Maybe maybe not that comes from a psychic Like people will say it can be fun, take it with a grain of salt it, but then I'm obsessed with things. So how do you let it be additive and not make you paranoid?
I think because I talk to she's very good at talking about energies, how to deal with particular people, the types of energy that's going to be coming towards you. Like if there's somebody you're having difficulties with, she can tell you. Like there was one coworker I was kind of like intimidated by years ago. She was like, just sit there and say nothing. And I was like, that's so rude, and she was like, it's not like he needs a little space. I just couldn't figure it out.
I was like, I want to be friends with him, but I'm sort of nervous, like, and she said, just say absolutely nothing. Yeah, but I did. I just like sat in the cast here and then one day he goes, you know, I love you. Don't come in here going oh blah blah blah blah feeling that you need to talk. It just really like feels really calm, and I feel like you're just waiting for the time to be right and then we like we're still very dear friends. Wow, Like she just knows I don't think. Yeah, she just
knows things about how people operate. So a lot of it when I talk to her as that is just you know, energy, or she can read the energy around like a project that might come up and my god, I'm excited. Yeah, how fun.
It's very she's very fun and now for our sponsors. So that's something I'm curious about because energy is important on a project. I try to explain to people that being cast on a show is essentially like having an arranged marriage with fifteen to twenty five people.
Oh my god.
Yeah, because you have to be immediate family, you have to have great chemistry, you have to somehow know how to communicate with everyone, even though everyone communicates differently and they're total strangers. Yeah, and they're going to ship you off somewhere and you're going.
To live together. Yeah. So true. It's like if you had to marry everyone on Big Brother. Yeah.
It's confusing.
Yeah, And.
I'm really curious because you do. You've got these parallel storylines on the show, and it's this big group of women, and I do think we're in a different time where we get to be additive to each other instead of encouraged to behave like, oh, there's only room for one of you, so compete, ladies. Yeah, how do you How does it feel energetically with this big group of women and then this sort of younger group of women that you guys want to look out for, but who are teaching you things too?
Do you?
Did you have to sort of sit down and go, Okay, guys, I know we all come from the early aughts, absolute nightmare of Hollywood, but we're going to be cool and be friends. Or were you all just ready? I think we were all ready. We were all very very grateful for the job, which is a nice thing. And it was also during COVID we couldn't really hang out very much, so we would do you know, Marco Polo.
I would leave each other, these Marco Polos. We were just talking like and it would be at different times like mine would be when my daughter had finally gone to sleep, and Spring sitting next to her and bear Juliet's were like roaming around the streets and the cameras like over here somewhere, just like yeah, so anyway, you know, and they were all Christina's were always driving. She was like,
I'm fine, I put the camera somewhere. They were all like such like a microcosm of our personalities, but we just witnessed each other like how each other's days were. And then we just started talking about our families, our past, like se really harassed us. You know, just every everything came out and it was so bonding. And so then by the time we were at work together, we're like sisters. And also I'm grateful that we all wanted to do
that and trusted each other enough. And then you know, I know, people have had arguments and it's never going to be easy when there's a group of people who are so close knit. But the younger cast is like that too, they're so close. Yeah. Like at Samantha, who plays young Misty, she had a baby shower during production last season and everybody was there and it just was like really a special time to see how well we all knew each other. It was really special. What a cool what a cool moment.
I know, I don't know if you're allowed to tell us, but you know, the data we have all the numbers, including you know, your film A.
Season three was the most watched season. Are we gonna get a I don't know, so I want to know. I know we're all a bit panicky. I can't. I mean, well, we gotta call the psychic. Yeah, I'm scared to ask her. I haven't told her for a few months.
Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh. When you this is gonna seem like a weird tangent. But my brain made the connection, which was, well, it's kind of the inner knowing, right, And then.
I was like, oh, I wonder if that's how you felt when you met Jason. And I was like, I realized.
I was just gonna ask you, did you feel like you just knew when you met Jason?
And You're like, ma'am, what is this segue? But it made sense. I understand the connection here, you know, yeah.
Did it Did it feel very different to you, you know when you guys.
Met each other?
Or was it because I know you did movie after movie together. Did it a while for you to go, oh my god, wait, is it.
This guy that I know? Well? We on the first movie was when we like got together, but we were both very chaotic. We both had like just gone through breakups like just and it was he I don't know, everybody seemed kind of like background noise to me. I just couldn't focus on anyone or anything. And it felt so chaotic and like my husband moved out of the house, like it was.
Just well you yeah, because you were going through a divorce.
Yeah, and it was so And it was even before like the divorce. Jimmy and I took a long time to sign divorce papers because it was just so depressing. Every time we hung out, we were like, let's do a nicktime. It just felt we didn't have It was a very easy process, but just a signing no, I get it. Oh yucky. I also think that's.
Listen, that's adulthood. Nobody decides to get a divorce until they've been on a torture train for a pretty long time. Yeah, and when you say it's time and someone moves out or you both move or whatever, that's a long time coming.
And I don't know, well, and maybe it felt different for you too.
I'm like, maybe I'm projecting my experience and also the experience of a bunch of my friends who weirdly went through it and I did.
Oh, that's interesting. It was a really weird summer.
Speaking of I watched a video by a psychic who said twenty twenty three was the year of the Great divorce, Like nineteen twenty nine was the year of the Great Depression, twenty twenty three was the year of the Great divorce. And if you actually look at the records, I'm like, I am a basic pitch that I got divorced in twenty twenty three, so and everybody else but a we
survived it well. But I find it so interesting because when you meet someone or reconnect with someone or whatever it is in that absolute chaos, I think maybe it's easy to think, oh, this is a sweet rebound moment or a nice distraction whatever. You also maybe it's the moment you need.
The love of your life. I don't know. I mean it ended up being, but if someone had come down and that's the love of your life, I would have been like, oh, I hope not. I don't he's not doing very well. Like he was such a mess. So cute, but he was like such a mess. I don't know. I barely kind of noticed it, like I was like,
it seems sweet. I just had too much else going on totally, And then one night he was like, you know when I went through my breakup, Like one of the things that was really great for me was like kissing someone, like when you realize you can kiss someone. And I was like, oh okay, like it just felt so weird and kiss me. I know. I was like what and he was like, I don't know, just nouse you were wondering. I all thought that was like a helpful thing. And I was like and then I realized, like,
well I'm free too. I guess it's like it feels too soon, yeah, but all right, And so then that happened, and then it was very weird. We could say like I don't know, it's like the spirit of our daughter or something, which sounds weird when you're talking about kissing each other. But something something happened.
You like felt something yeah, weird, something weird, just like oh, let's say say like it was like kind of like an oh no, it was sort of feeling oh god, yeah, I'm not even going to get to have the sludy rebound sex.
I know, well there that goes. Yeah, it just was. It was very I think also neither of us were anywhere near ready for it, yeah, and I just didn't want it. Yeah, but when it happens to you. It happens.
Yeah, and it's weird because you know, things are so clear in hindsight. Yeah, when I think about that, oh my god, by the way, in the absolute chaos, being like there could be no worse time, I know, realizing that I loved my partner and being like, oh god, I have there's no not trying to do this. Yeah, I've given myself every reason not to, and now I'm going to.
I guess. Yeah.
And I I had a not as not a spirit of a wise six year old, but what I had was like I felt like something passed through me, if that makes sense, Like I took a deep breath in a way I never had before.
Oh that's interesting, and I went, uh oh yeah.
But thank god because it was complicated and it was hard, and I think if I hadn't had that feeling that made me sit and be quiet.
Like you've been on set with that man. Yeah, just wait.
I was like, I'm just gonna sit in my chair and I'm going to wait. And I don't know why, yeah, because I probably should run, But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna wait. I sat and I waited, and now I'm like, like, I'm too old to say I know what's forever and what the future holds. But I'm like, I've just I've never I've never taken a deep.
Breath like this, So yeah, it's nice. I Jason and I were talking the other day and I was like, everybody's boring. Like people are great. I love people. I love meeting people, talking to people, but there's no like, oh what that they like? You know, like, isn't it weird.
When you're like I genuinely want to just hang out at home all I.
Want to do. I know, I mean, this is lovely, it is. Do you know what I was about to say is I'm like.
What I would really love is for you too to call or will come?
Yes?
Then on my head other people that are so happy at home, I'm like, do you want to hang out.
In my home? Or maybe we come to your exactly.
It's just that, yeah, we have to do upset otherwise.
I know, I feel great, Like it's wild.
Okay, wait, I love knowing because I adore him and you know I adore you, and oh my god, he's just the most wonderful and I just think about you know, we used to run around la and go to auditions together when you were babies, and so it's like I cherish him in that sweet childhood sort of energy.
Yeah, but it's funny.
To know that you were like not him and then everything was a mess because on the internet, you guys are a couple.
You know, you're a.
Couple goals, the hashtag we hate it, which is probably so annoying, but it's also because it's really undeniable how lovely you both are, and you're lovely together, and you're just very genuine about all of it.
I think how much you love each other and how silly life is. How do you do you try to ignore the Internet or does it amuse you?
I think it amuses Jason. Jason is more like online than I am. It sort of freaks me out a little bit. It is funny because I think if him from that period of time would see this, he would be so shocked. He'd be like, what is happening? Who's this guy like professing his love? Like he was really trying to be like cool single guy. Yeah, I know, I know it was really he did his best. Sweet It was a real journey, Sweet baby, I know, sweet baby, but we were in a couple's therapy like three weeks
after we met each other with the same therapist. Amazing. Yeah, what did she say? In our first session? She figured out that she was also seeing Jason and I was like, oh, well, then I guess you can't be my therapist. She was like, ah, like coming together, let's see what happens. So I was like, okay, okay, you're you have no boundaries. Oh my god, I'm amazing. So I love you.
I wish my therapist had no boundaries. I keep trying to get him to hang out with me hmm, and he won't and I'm like, Trevor, you're married to a woman. I'm dating a woman. It's so not weird, Like let's all go to lunch. And he's like, no, it's not ethical, and I'm like, but why. It's like we talk about our partners all the time, and I want to, like m I don't know. It feels weird that I don't know her, and he's like, it's not weird for me.
Stop stop, this is how it should bathe That is more normal. I don't like it. That is more normal. I mean, my therapist was like bringing a shaman in now, and again I'm not mad at it. I think we need the shaman for this issue.
As deeply nerdy about science as I am, I'm also really into the mystical. It's like yependulum really swings both ways for me.
Yeah, I'm very into the mystical. Like I like, we moved a little while ago to a new house and my organizer made this box that he said, and I'm making a box that's going to be called mystic box. And I was like, oh what. She was like, it's for your mysticism items. And I was like, I don't think I have. And then I was like, oh, my god, many an item, so many and that many animals? Oh my god in the tarot dicks and I have a good one for you. Oh do you? Oh I'm excited. Okay, Oh, I'm excited.
And now a word from our sponsors that I really enjoy and I think you will too. I love being in my forties, and I love what love feels like in my forties, and I love our world of even work in our forties. What does it feel like for you like to be here and so present? And I don't know, are you kind of in love with your forties too.
I am, I think like a big surprise, not surprise, but like, if I'm being super honest, I love being a mother so much, and so a big pad of I think in my forties because I had my daughter when I was forty one, and then I was like, I just I want to do that again, and I haven't been able to. So that's taken up a lot of I guess I have not had as much appreciation from my forties because I felt a little bit of a ticking bock on this thing that I think I'm
starting to make peace with. That's the greatest kid in the world. We just give everything to this little person. Yeah, So that's been the only kind of like about that. But otherwise just feel I'm very grateful to be parenting at this age, even though it's meant that another one hasn't been able to happen, right, because I just I know myself, I know her, I know her dad, I love her dad. Like it's not a relationship where we're trying to figure things out or figure each other out.
It's very calm, right, and I just has been so surprisingly wonderful.
Yeah, Yeah, there's a I never like to say a settled feeling, because I always feel like using that word is so close to settling down or settling Yeah, you know, but it's like an ease, like there's more of a rest and how it feels maybe to be in this stage very very much.
And I didn't think that was the thing I was capable of. Like I remember that same boyfriend who helped me through my eating disorder, we like went on a vacation and I was sneaking away to the payphone to call my agent because I knew it was like just relaxed, it's not time for work, and I was like totally. And then I'd be like, is anything coming? Like what happened with that audition? Like I was so worried about what snakes? What snakes? What's going to happen? Yeah, I
couldn't imagine. Even all through my thirties, I felt that so much, like what's coming, how's it going to be received, what's the next job? And you know, I know part of that is being in a place where work has been easy for the last few years, which I'm so grateful for, but it's also just being happy. Yeah, and when I go to work, I'm like, do I really
want to leave me? Do I really want to not be able to volunteer at school for a few weeks and not to drop off and not drive her home and hear about her day and everyone who's annoying her and everyone who she loves. You know, Oh, it's so crazy. Yeah.
We had a biting incident with one of Ash's kids not doing it having it done to them at school, and I was like, what is this feeling?
What is this rage?
What is this like I will punt a small child if they don't stop doing this ye to this kid who is magic to me? Yeah, And I was like, wow, this is And I called a lot my friends who have little kids, and I was like, nobody told me about like the defensive rage part. One of my girlfriends goes, you know that adage about how mom could pick up a car.
Yeah.
I was like, yep, ding ding ding, Yeah, understood, got it, that's true.
The angriest I've ever seen, Jason, I think, was we were in Atlanta. My daughter like mad a little friend on the playground. He was a boy. He was like maybe eighteen months older than her, and he was maybe four and a half. She was like three, and he said to her, you just sit in the corner and I'm going to be playing, and you just watch me playing. And she was like, I'll play and he was like no, no, no, you just watch and I'm going to be And so she sat there and I was like and Jason was like,
get out. Like he was so he didn't like yell at a child, but he like, he was like, come on, get out of there, like, don't play with this kid. And I was like, you gotta take it down a notch. But he was so furious that anybody would like tell her child to sit in a corner and just watch it. She was like, he was like no.
I was like, what a metaphor for the patriarchy, my god. Truly on the topic of saving the world, if you have to be stranded in the woods, and now this can be person or character with one of your Yellow Jackets castmates, like back to the Apocalypse question, who are you picking to really help you survive or a character?
Gosh, that'd all be very very good. I do feel like Christina is very practical and she would be good in an emergency. I think I like that.
Yeah, if you could reboot any classic nineties film or show and star in it.
What would it be? It's really Oh, I shouldn't say that my husband's on Metlock, but I like that, you know what.
I think of that as as more of a reimagine. It's a reimagine, perhaps even a chapter two.
Yeah, it's so different. It is. The Matlock is so different and it's very fun and I am obsessed with it. I am. Do you have an answer for this? It's such a good question.
I do, and I read the weird thing? Is it hit me this week?
Moonlighting? Oh, it's so good. Come on right, See my favorite show when I was maybe like ten, that's not quite the when was thirty something. That was my favorite show. But I think that's late eighties. That's okay, it's close enough. It was my favorite show. Oh, I lated it. And I also really loved La Law. Oh my god. La Law was so good. It's so good. Yeah, is there a good like Flashy? We could be like sexy lawyers. You know, I would like to play a lawyer. I
would too. I never get to do stuff like that. Why I always have a car? I'm always like in a plaid shirt or like because you was.
So emotionally available as an that people are like, let us see her, let us see the darkness, and you're like, give me a.
You want a power suit and a nice heel. I do.
Put some shitty lawyer named Zach in his place.
I never have to wear heels at look. Okay, never.
Hollywood, Like, who do I address for this part? If you're listening, Hollywood, we'd like to do a law show.
Thank you, Yeah, and you should be on it. I love it.
Oh, my dad still can't believe I'm not a lawyer. He's like you just He's like, you.
Were made to argue on behalf of people. I'm like, you're what You're not? Charles. What's a role?
Well, this is always a funny question because I'm like, this came from one of our producers who's never had to audition for anything.
What's the role that you turned down that you still think about? Well, I was never in a position to be like.
When people say have to choose your roles, You're like, I am auditioning a job.
I will say it's been a long time since I which I'm feel very grateful, which feels correct because I'm bad at it. I hate it. I think it's a separate skill.
It is, and it's like, I'm never going to have the experience I don't care who I'm reading with that I'm going to have with you in a scene when you surprise me with something you think or like it's alchemy between two people and the audition is inherently hollow because the other person isn't there. Yeah, thank you for coming to my ted talk.
Yeah, like a chemistry read I'm fine with same. Yeah, but just an audition, and especially when they give you like all the crying scenes.
And it's like twelve pages by tomorrow, I know, my god, no, thank you? Yeah, Okay, I think this is a long list. But who has been the celebrity fan of yellow jackets that's just tickled you the most or surprised you the most.
Gosh, it's really nice that it's been received so well. God, I actually don't know. I don't know why.
In my brain I have this vision of Meryl streep Oh telling you how much she loves yellow Jackets. I don't know if it's happened.
But happen it's not happened.
Okay, Well, in my brain, that would be the really fun one for you.
That would be a really fun one. I think it's true. I think it's true. I was at a Patty and making the staalim. It was like I love you, and I said I love you and she goes, no, you don't, and I was like, I don't look that uncool, Like yes I do. I was like, I really genuinely do. She's so cool. It's so cool. The fact that you said that, Okay.
We're officially now the Megan the Stallion fan club means I have to tell you what happened. So this past year, Elton John does this big fundraiser during the Oscars to raise money for the AIDS Foundation. I went, I turn around and Megan the Stallion is eight inches from my face, floating by in this.
Like Marrigl dress. She's so beautiful, and I got she's so beautiful, it's like crazy.
I lost control of my physical body and gasped that loud into her face and she turned and I went, sorry, I love you, and she goes, oh my god, girl, I love you.
And I was like not possible. And she was like what and her friend was like.
No, she she really like she likes your show. And I was like wait what And I was like, we have to take a picture and nobody's gonna believe me that this happened.
And we took a picture, and then for the rest of the night, I'm.
Like, she's just really a nice lady who probably is so nice to everyone who loves her and makes you feel like she knows you and loves you. And I saw her yesterday and I walked into.
A room and she went Sylphia her girl. And I was like, oh my god, she meant it. I'm telling you that it's trick.
She's she likes serialized television dramas and she mean, Okay, she meant it.
That's nice. She was very sweet. She's an icon. Yeah. I could not have been more awkward. No, And then I stood differ a minute, and then I was like, can I get you a drink? She was like, okay, there's no like buying, you know, you just get it. I don't drink. I can't be you can get a drink. She's fine, just like thanks though, and you're like cool. I don't know. I was such a nerdy kid, like I don't know how.
To I can't be in those rooms. I can't be around famous people and my best friend it's horrible, and my best friend goes to things with me, and she'll be like, stop at your being so weird.
You are also a famous person, And I'm like, not like Megan the Stallion, like I can't.
I don't know why suddenly I lose the ability to be regular because I'm like, well, do I tell you about all the things I know that you've done that I think are great?
Or is that awkward? So then do I not tell you? So?
Then do I pretend that I don't know about you? So I feel like I become the the like clown car version of myself.
Yeah, it's not a good look for me. I'm sure it's very adorable. It's not. But but I know what you mean, Like it's a really it's very hard to know how to behave mm hmm hmm. Well, I can't wait to just start running and hiding behind you at work. Please please, thank God, more awkward, perfect, great come out from behind me. You'll seem really collected, really cool.
I just I'm gonna I'm going to take a page from the psychic and just be quiet.
It's so so weird, Like I've never felt more awkward in my life.
She's right, Well, yep, and now you're friends with this man? Yeah, dying to know who it is, but I shan't ask whilst the world is listening, My dear, My favorite thing to ask people is and it can be personal or professional, it can really be anything that comes to mind. But right now, for you, in this lovely moment in your life, what feels like you're working progress?
Oh gosh, there's there's so much. I feel like I still am learning to accept good things. It sounds a bit silly, but I had to admit that to myself the other day. Yeah, like, you don't have to sort of struggle through something. You can ask for things to be better. You don't have to be well, this is like better than my wildest dreams. You know. It's just allowing yourself to want good things and good people around you.
And like, I don't know, I just sort of it's so hard for me to accept positive things happening that there's a part of me that's like, well that's enough, then that's good. Thank you so much. I had, and then I was like, no, I want good things to keep happening and I to multiply. Yeah, And so I think it's that. And then also just every day with my daughter, just trying to be a better parent to her and learn more about her. I love it.
I mean it's sort of interesting, right. You never want her to feel like she had a finite amount of good things.
Oh no, So yeah, here's an interesting like reparenting of yourself that happens. Yeah, it's kind of cool, it's amazing. And I remember Sarah Paulson said that to me years ago, who was one of my very wisest friends. And she always like she would be a therapist if she wasn't an actor. She just always has the most perfect thing. And I remember being very anxious about doing something after work or something like that, and feeling very guilty about
being away from my child. And she pointed out to me that, you know, when you've had any kind of like neglect is a big word, but you know you've felt sort of things missing in your life, you can really try to overcorrect with your kids. And she said, you have to understand that like having your own time and doing something for yourself is not neglect. It's very natural. It's actually really good for her to see that. Yeah, And I was like, oh, yeah, I am kind of
over correcting. And she doesn't want a parent who's just like, well, I'm just going to be here with you whenever I'm not actively working for the household. You know, she's seeing her mom have a life. Yeah. Yeah.
And the thing is the love you model with your spouse will teach her. Yeah, love she sees you give yourself will teach her. The love she sees between you and your girlfriends, yeah, will teach her. And I think it's really special to remember that. You know, if this is neutral and and your upbringing felt like this much was in the red, you don't want to go that much farther into the green.
You wanna you want to get like just on the other side of the neutral. And yeah, so it's full but easy.
Yeah, And that's that's a really that's a beautiful observation.
Me. Thank you for sharing, thank you for coming, Thank you for having me.
Lola.
This is so fun. This is so fun.