Unwrapping the Shame

She was asked nicely to testify before the January sixth Committee not under investigation, and lo and behold Clarence Thomas, the sole justice to block a lower court in Georgia from forcing Lindsey Graham to testify on why Lindsey Graham was on a fucking phone call with people in the state of Georgia with regard to overthrowing their election. Mind you, this isn't his fucking state, so there was no reason for Lindsey Graham to be calling anyone in Georgia except

if he was doing something illegal or nefarious. But you see, when you fucking you know, have a corrupt Supreme Court, then you can do whatever you want. Laws don't matter, the courts don't matter. Nothing. Actually, fucking matters, and that's

how I feel today. Then you have Merrick Garland decides that he's going to hold a press conference, and of course everyone is collectively holding their breath thinking that it's going to be an announcement about, oh, I don't know, the most corrupt person in America, the most treasonous fucking person in America, the most dangerous person in America, Donald Trump, and no, it's to talk about some double agents in China.

I'm like, y'all, I'm having one of those days where I just, you know, want to head to a beach with a picture of liquor and just wait for the fucking comment to hit. Because two weeks until mid terms, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Does anybody have any idea? You know, the polls are going in the direction of the Republicans. You know that I don't give a fuck about polls. So we'll find out on election day or who the fuck knows, maybe a week or two weeks after where the balance of power lies.

Does it lie with the fascists or does it lie with the people who are trying to, you know, fight for democracy the way the fucking horse race that the news is portraying this in I can't even turn on the television because it makes me sick, and I don't want to break my television by throwing a remote at it because I paid for it. But that's the fucking mood that I'm in when I listened to them pretending this is a normal fucking election. It's not. It's America's

last election. And maybe if you know, the media spoke about it in that way, then more people would be coming out to vote who the fuck knows, more people would be voting Democrat, because you know, they like nice things like freedom. I just I'm at a loss, and there are some days that are worse than others. I had a really nice weekend, right like, and I hope

all of you did too. But I gotta tell you that by the time you've reached fucking Tuesday in this you know black hole that we call America, it feels like you've lived eighty seven days in one, right. The exhaustion is real. I posted, you know, several videos on TikTok where I addressed them to white America, and then I have motherfucker's coming back and telling me, oh, this

isn't helpful. Do you know what's not helpful? A entire expose in the New York Times about how aggrieved white people are that they are no longer able to oppress as many people as they want, and they align themselves with Trump because they feel like they've lost their way. Why don't you actually do an article New York Times about the rise in white supremacy and racism in this country and the fact that Donald Trump didn't do anything

other than reveal America to itself. Right, I don't need to have these multiple articles that are trying to do what provoke some type of empathy for white people that decided not to get an education, that decided not to compete because they thought that whiteness was enough of a currency for them to stay ahead and keep ahead. Get the fuck out of here, Like, I'm tired of the bullshit. Right, We're in this predicament because motherfuckers think that they don't

have to work for shit. It's just black and brown people, right, it's just queer people, right, it's just women. Everybody else who's been doubling and tripling up on fucking degrees going into debt that now where the Republican Party has blocked relief in right, because they want people to be suffering because they're easier to control that way. Like I am just tired. And on top of that, we had another school shooting. We are the only goddamn country where school

shootings are the fucking norm. We're sending your kids to school is roughly like rolling the dice hoping that you see them again. You have Texas fucking sending out DNA kids so that they can do whatever the fuck they want with that swab. I don't trust the State of Texas with anything, let alone the fucking my fucking DNA, so that'll end up in somebody's crime scene so that they can keep their you know, prison industrial complex rolling on.

I just like every goddamn where that you look, everywhere you look right now, it is like one thing is worse than the next, and the week is not even

halfway over. I know that the name of the game here is exhaustion, and I got to tell you today, I'm exhausted today, I really, you know, I am so grateful for my upcoming guests Ebony Munn and Doctor Lex to talk about, you know, something hopeful, like their new series Queer Sex Ad, you know, to provide some real understanding of sexuality and the body and all of these things for young queer kids who basically and not even

young queer kids, let me tell you something, kids in America, gay, straight, non binary, otherwise do not receive a comprehensive sex education. They just don't, right, It is bullshit. And so what this series is trying to do Queer Sex Ad is to combat all of the myths so that you know, our kids grow up with a healthy understanding of themselves and their bodies, what they want, what they don't want, what is okay, and what is not. And some of the things that you may hear in this conversation may

seem radical to you, but it shouldn't be. You know, I'm just like you know, everyone keeps saying that at some point in time, all the bad people will die and they'll make way for the new. But folks, we've been saying that for centuries, and this shit is cyclical.

And where we are right now in our body politic is really about ignorance and funding ignorance, right, and the fact that we don't teach civics, the fact that we don't teach the truth about this country, which is why a whole population the large swath of white Americans believe that they are having something taken away from them that

they never fucking earned in the first place. Right, But if we taught the truth about history, if we taught the truth about who were the inventors and the engineers and the architects and all of these things, then maybe they would have a better sense of fucking self. Maybe they would have decided, right in Middle America not to just rely on their father's factory and their grandfather's factory and their great grandfather's fucking coal mine as a way

to provide for their families. Maybe they would have been told to fucking go to school, get an education, and then maybe then, you know, the academic industrial complex wouldn't have decided to make school so goddamn expensive, because then white people would have gotten up in arms about it. Right, But the whole point of making school expensive was then to loot black and brown people and pour people into a fucking cycle of debt that now Republicans want to

keep up. Because you see, if you are not suffering, if you have more choice in your life about where you want to live and how you want to work and where you want to work, then they don't have the same amount of control. Like, that's what all of this goes back to. And it's so clear to me and so frustrating that other people just refuse to see it or do not have the same level of intellect to be able to cut through the bullshit. I don't

know what it is, and maybe it's both. You know, I don't know why I'm saying that it needs to be an option, But my god, you know, we have kids that are so fucking scared of their own bodies, of themselves. We have such sexual repression in this country that you have people going on full campaigns to stop drag queens from being able to read to children. But you'll send your kids over to the Catholic priests like that's okay. Which one of them has been charged with

sexual abuse over decades, not the drag queens, Folks. You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I know that we have two weeks until the midterm elections. I know that early voting is starting now in many more states. Folks, Grab as many people as you can

head to the polls. Make sure that you are registered, make sure you're on the roster, Make sure that you are getting at least five other people to vote, or to come up with a voting plan, take them to the polls, you know, give money, do something, because I I feel like we are losing it. I feel like we are losing it, and not just our democracy but our minds in the process. And I need us so desperately to hold it together. But some days, Volks, some days like today, I just want to scream out into

the void. What in the entire fuck are people thinking? Coming up next, dear friends, my conversation which is much more up lifting than this with ebanymun who is the director of brand Marketing and content creative at that It Gets Better Project, and doctor Lex who is a PhD level sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist who operates

the Institute for Sexuality and Intimacy. She is featured within the series as one of these sex educators of queer sex ed. That conversation is coming up next, folks, I am very excited to welcome to Okay f Daily for the first time, two wonderful people to discuss where we are as it pertains to LGBTQ youth, as it pertains to how we're actually educating our young people. Ebeny Munn is director and brand marketing, brand marketer for and content

and creative at that It Gets Better Project. Doctor Lex is a PhD level sexologist and license marriage and family therapists who operates the Institute for Sexuality and Intimacy. And both are a part of Queer Ed, which is a five part long form video series produced by the It

Gets Better Project. UM. I want to welcome you both, uh to woke a f and I and I want to start out and I'll just you know, open open it up and we can just dive into conversation, which is UM first, you know the It Gets Better Project. For me, I remember back in the early two thousands, Um, you know the rash of suicides that were happening. UM LGBTQ youth, some as young as as as eight nine

years old. Uh, we're taking their own lives because of being bullied either for actually being queer or just the perception that they were different. And I remember that It Gets Better project coming together with videos from LGBTQ, you know, adults who wanted to showcase that there is another side to this, this this torment, this bullying. UM, what you feel like is the end of your life, that there is another side that we can that we can get to.

And I remember participating, uh in you know, in those videos, and so I'll do this Evany. I'll start with you, because you're the director of content and brand marketing. How has the It Gets Better Project shifted and changed from those early two thousands with this series of videos? You know that was basically an opportunity for for us to take care of us absolutely, so the It Gets Better Project our mission is to uplift in power and connect

LGBT you. And so the early stages of kind of having celebrities, well known LGBT people in that space kind of speak directly to you has changed. Now we're actually talking to you directly with you and other young people who are kind of standing in that gap of creative storytelling kind of matching people and saying, hey, this is a journey, we are along with you. Here are the steps toward that journey. You can ascend up the steps

you can. You know, we'll meet you where you are sort of thing and doctor Alex you are a sexologist and you know I want you to be able to a explain exactly what that exactly what your focus and discipline is. And then why it is important to have a doctor like yourself participating in conversations with the it gets better projects. Thank you so much, great questions. So, a sexologist is a person who studies sexuality. In the short run, the issue is that most people only get

the first three letters. They say sex, and they only think intercourse. They don't think identity and body esteem and intimate relationships and power dynamics within all of sexuality, which every single person has from womb to tomb, every single person, right, and it may come in different aspects for ace folks, that may come for all sorts of things and results of trauma. But sexuality is an entire being. It's not

just something that people do with their genitals. And so, as a PhD sexologist and a license of marriage family therapist coming to this project with an honor a and then be wanting to make sure that sexuality is something that can be talked about from multiple lenses. Right. We always hear don't go out and get pregnant, don't get

an STI. But that's all we hear about. We don't talk about identity development, or it's shamed or it's written off as oh, it's just a phase, and so I wanted to bring that No, there are dynamics to sexuality that are identity making, that involve a socio emotional response, and that are completely valid in their existence, no matter

how they come. What a novel concept to actually teach about entire identity as opposed to what I believe the far right has done, which is to make everything be about generals, everything be about sex as opposed to who we are as entire people. To talk to us ebony about this series and why this series is so important

and what you're hoping people get from it totally. So I am the creative mind behind Course Sex It that kind of pairs sex educators with LGBT friend groups for open and honest conversations that range from how you first experience some pleasure, how you set boundaries over time, and just sex and the disability community. And the concept came from I remember when I was young, I didn't have those conversations with my parents, with anyone. It was kind

of taboo. It was hush hush, But I did have those conversations with my friend groups, and there were a lot of conversations. Some of that information was very accurate other parts of that conversation not so much. We needed

a second opinion. And so bringing this uh, you know, sex d series and focusing on friend groups, also allowing sex educators to kind of come in and debunk myths, talk about you know, what their changes are going on with your body, how you learned or relearned, pleasure, you know what you're looking forward to, just made so much sense because you know, queer kids are already having these conversations, and why not filling that gap? Hey, I'm David plots

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a new episode. You know, there is just something that becomes so taboo when we talk about young people and pleasure, when we talk about, you know, the idea of understanding our bodies, our identities, and how we want to be in relationship and if we want to be in relationship with others, but more importantly, how we engage in relationship

intimate relationship with ourselves. And so doctor lex I, you know, my work is around politics and equity and justice right and elevating conversations to the forefront that mainstream media is too chicken shit to be fair to have to have a real conversation about. Right, So I do want to how do you push back against the rhetoric that would say that by virtue of this series, by virtue of the work that you do, you are sexualizing children that in for for us to want to create healthy connections

with self, body, identity, heart and with others. That this is what as as Marjorie Taylor Green, where a representative and I use that in air quotes, has said that we are sexualizing children, We are grooming children. We are the ones that are pedophiles and need to be looked after. So talk to me about how doctor Lex you push back against that type of misguided and dangerous rhetoric. So

that is basically my entire platform. Right, So, I believe in raising sex positive kids, which shame pree sex it and people will see like sex positive. And remember I told you people get caught up on just amitals. We teach children to betray their bodies very early. We'll finish all the food on your plate. You only took two bites, You're still hungry, And that kid is like, no, I'm good. We're not trusting that kid We're not teaching that kid

to trust their bodies. I'm also raising a five, four and three month old right now in the world, and my kids know what evolva is. My five year old came out to me as a girl, even though she was forcibly assigned girl. We went through some pronoun changes because she was still figuring out who she was, and

we rolled with it. And so to those like super conservatives, which I've had run ins right when answering questions, I thought a TikTok or something I want them to expand the thing that people don't realize is the same innocence quote unquote that they're trying to protect, is the same innocence that minor attracted people are attracted to. And innocence never equals ignorant. Say that, right, So you can have

knowledge and still be innocent. And because my kids have knowledge of their bodies, they know a vulva as a vulva, a penis as a penis. When somebody says, hey, let me share my penis, my kid be like, why I don't want to see your penis. I don't consent to that versus this is interesting. If somebody walks up and says, I can make your body feel good. My kid is like, I can make my body feel good. Why would I need you to do that for me? This is strange.

I'm going to go talk to somebody about it. You can't shame my children with knowledge like, well, you're not supposed to say that word. Well, my mom says, there are no dirty words. There only words, right, So we're teaching them by disarming those who might try and enact power over that. You can't shame my kids into a behavior because my kids know this thing, and they know if you're trying to have them keep a secret, then I'm gonna tell on you because we don't keep secrets

in my house. We only do surprises. And this doesn't feel like a surprise because I trust myself to know that this doesn't feel good, because I've learned from an early age what feels good and what doesn't. And it's not just about genitals. M doctor LUs my goodness. Okay, So you're gonna be busy because we don't need to drop you in every state, in every school district, in every classroom, you know, in and out of systems. Because that was a mouthful. I want to pick I want

to go back to innocence versus ignorance. I want to go back to this idea that what I what I hear from conservatives, right, and I don't even really like to use the word conservative. What I hear from people who are anti education is that the more that we are disconnected from ourselves, the easier we are to control. The more you know that we are disconnected from ourselves and wrapped up in shame, as you have said, the easier that we are to become submissive to their will.

And so, you know, I want to and Ebony, I want to bring you in as well. I want to dig into this idea that LGBTQ kids should be ashamed of themselves, should be embarrassed. We are now living in a climate that says that you can't even utter the word gay. You just said, doctor lex there are no

dirty words, there are just words. Well, the whole state of Florida, the whole state of Texas, the whole you know, and we can run through these red state governors that have not only said that the word gay is a bad word, right and so should not be uttered, but that we should be criminalized. So how do you balance what you just articulated as something that I see as so beautiful and so honest and so real, because I remember being young that my mother said the same thing.

She's a registered nurse, and said, I don't want you and your sister to learn the baby words of your body because if somebody is touching you and we need to deal with that via police courts, via whatever, then

I don't want there to be any misinterpretation. Right. And so how do we continue to want to create this kind of safe environment that is raising young people to be proud of who they are when we have entire states, leaders of entire political parties that are saying the opposite ebone, I'll go to you and then to doctor lex totally. I think once we change the mindset of saying that sexual education is actually vital to our well being and the safety of young people around the world, then we

change that narrative. Because inclusive sex education is not just about the actual sexual act, right, It can be about so much more. Extends to community building, find a community in safe spaces and other people. It's about, you know, boundary setting, It's about healing self love. What do you like, what do you dislike? What's not for you, what is for you having those safe, community based conversations with people that look just like you access in your own pleasure.

It's beyond sexual intimacy. It's really about what you need to know just to go forward in your daily life. I mean, I think that's a spot on, and I will add that I love your mama. Yeah, like that is exactly it. So I say, hey, I'm that being said for the Red states that are anti education, they're they're coming from a place of fear. Right, I will contend I would like to figure out how to put in legislation that all like officials have to pass a

comprehensive sex education test. But outside of that, I will say that this fear of I think it's a homoerotic fear that my kid or somebody like that will be treated like I would treat them. Right, I've not yet met a parent that says I want my kid to grow up and have a shitty sex life. I've never met that parent when they are ready, they want their

kids to have a fulfilling, enjoyment, pleasurable life. And so when we talk about transis when we talk about queerness, there's a level of I don't want people to treat you as poorly as I treat these people. You know.

What's really interesting too that I find is that I often talk about the far right right and it's not it's just the entirety of the Republican Party that is a debt operates not only from a place of fear, but from a place of scarcity, right, Because you can't do what they are doing if you are if you are coming from a place of abundance, right, like, you would not seek to, you know, marginalize and section off and oppress people if you were coming from a place

that says that you were enough. Right. So it's it's it's how do we in this climate? And this is you know, I wrote about this recently at The Daily Beast. When I'm you know, I'm asking, you know, are the

kids okay? Because I don't think that they are. Because I think that when we look at the number of young people who are being prescribed antidepressants and anti anxiety medication, when we look at the fact that LGBTQ youth have always had higher than the average attempts at suicide, how were we to create this level of comfort and esteem

in this climate? Like, what does that really look like, right, because you're doing an entire series that wouldn't be able to air in the state of Texas, in the state of Florida, in the state of Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee. Right. Like, So, if the idea here is that we need to get information out in order to keep these kids safe, but what the what Republicans have said is that if education and information is a problem, then how do we help young people navigate and feel seen again at a time

when they're being pushed back into the shadows? And I'll let either one of you just jump in. I think that's what Ebany is doing with this creative vision. Right. So, as a person who's pan sexual who is also a recovering Baptist from the South, all right, we've always found

each other. Queer folks have always found each other and built community because queerness has been since before colonization, right, and has been globally in existence before colonization, and every culture there has been queerness, and that got a race with colonization because of that shame and level of discomfort. Right. So I think by putting it out there, people will share things on their phones, people like, girl, did you see this clip, watch this TikTok, watch this Instagram real,

whatever it is. So as long as we put it out there for it to be found, I am trusting that the people searching for it will find it and then they will share it amongst their communities because it says we're not alone, right, And I will say our young folks are some of the most mobilized. As young people. People always talk about them not being able to socialize.

I'm like, they're talking a hundred people a day. Hundreds of people get their messages a day, right, I'd be like, O'll tap out after two conversations, I'll talk to nobody else. But they're talking to somebody and they're mobilizing. They're like, what if we have the algorithm and get all the tickets to this event so when they show up it's empty or they have to cancel it. Like they are mobilized and able to do this and they're finding so

much more information. Yeah, ebany I totally agree. And just to piggyback, we do it. We produce this series in spite of, in spite of the rogue blocks, in spite of, you know, all the naysayers. We are going to get this content to gen Z and all of the young Adels who needed. My last question for you both is this, I am a person as people who know who listen to will gay up. I am ye of little faith, right, I try to carry around a mustard seed of hope,

right Um? That that that I you know that I want to believe that even though the work that I am doing and others are doing, and you all are doing, we may not see the benefits of this right like what we are pushing for because we are being pushed back um, and that we're being pushed back into you know, archaic times, right. And so I want to know what

keeps each of you hopeful? Right? Um? How do you remain hopeful in the work that you are doing at a time when it feels like our backs are literally being pushed back up against the wall and that we're fighting for our lives. I think what keeps me hopeful is knowing that it's not just about me. For my generation creating content, storytelling that speaks directly to gen Z,

it's bigger than me. This is passien Z. This is the newer generation of someone thought enough of my generation to do something to stand in the gap of what I didn't learn as a kid or in school. And so what I think is, you know, that's our job. That is our job to educate, empower and uplift the next generation so that they have a foundation, a secure foundation to follow off. I love that of me, and so I think for me, it's one I'm passing it

forward in my own seed. Right. I selfishly decided to have kids, and my kids directors caused my kids, the sex educators of the classroom. Right, So they're like, mom was pregnant. They're like, oh, you having a brother or sister. And my middle child goes, well, they haven't told us yet. We don't know, and I'm yes, amazing, right, and the oldest one does it has a paenis, Like, I don't

know what else you need to know? It has a penis, right, And so we're pushing it forward that way, but also knowing that we've always been here, right, Yes, with the suicide, Yes, with the depression, Yes, with the anxiety, which since the pandemic, mental health needs to have skyrocketed. But they're also being met. People are actually reaching out to other queer therapists like myself,

right to other networks as well. But We've always been here, We've always survived, and we're still doing that and we're still leading. Right, Black trans women are leading movements, Black queer women are leading movements that I'm gonna stop. Yeah, I love that that we've always been here and we're always going to be here. Lastly, I could, I could, honestly, it could talk to the both of you for another half hour. I'm so appreciative of the work that you're doing.

I'm so appreciative of the spirit that you bring to the work that you're doing. And for those that want to get in connection, to get in contact to watch the series, please tell them how they can follow you and find Queer Ed. Of course, Queer sex Ed premieres on October nineteenth. You'll find it on gets Better dot org also our YouTube channels. Just type it it gets Better. We're on all the social networks that it gets Better and doctor Lex how would folks? Can you mentioned the TikTok?

So I'm like, so tell us what it is? Oh so yeah, So I am Lex Ellie x x s x DC across all platforms as well, and I will be sharing out about it gets Better because I'm just I'm so proud and chiefly honored to be a part of the work and the conversations and also the little factoids that I think everybody should know. So Lex sex doc across our platforms and lexx dot dot com amazing. Thank you both doctor Lex and Ebony Mon from making the time to join woke f and drop some knowledge

and hope for us. I really appreciate you both. Thank you. That is it for me today, dear friends on woke F. As always, power to the people and to all the people. Power, get woke and stay woke as fuck.