The Beauty of Pride

I had the extraordinary honor of attending Pride at the White House this past week, and I will tell you that, as hard as I go for this administration, because of their lack of understanding urgency of this moment and the ability to actually save our democracy, I will say this, there is nothing quite like being with a group of queer Americans who have dedicated their lives to advancing LGBTQ equality and having that be recognized and not only recognized,

but celebrated by the President of the United States. This is the first Pride in person that we have had since the Trump administration. When the Trump administration came into office following Obama, they erased any visibility, any recognition, any honoring, celebration of LGBTQ Americans. As a matter of fact, they took us off the website all together. Not only did they take us off of the website, but they then

proceeded to create policies that would harm our community. We've seen over the last year plus hundreds hundreds of anti trans bills that we've talked about on this show, and you've heard me talk about on other shows. And so to take a day, to take an afternoon to honor and celebrate what it means to have pride, what it means to be a proud LGBTQ American is a beautiful thing.

To walk through once again the halls of the White House, to take in history and understand, by virtue of my presence there, I am a part of creating a new history, creating a new story. So to walk the halls again and to look and see the pictures and to greet old friends and new in these beautiful, beautiful halls, it

was overwhelming. And I didn't realize. You all know that I was at Kabej's commemoration in the Rose Garden a couple of months ago for her being named to the Supreme Court, but I hadn't been inside the White House in quite some time, and so it was like a flood of these beautiful memories coming back of a time that has long since passed. And I was sat around with friends this week and I said, you know, there's a thing that I do regret about the Obama years.

And they said, what, you know, what is it that you regret, And I say, I regret that we felt at that time that this was going to be the beginning of something new. We felt the power, we felt the community, we felt the connectivity, and we thought that the Obama years were the beginning. And frankly they should have been, but we also should have been a lot more present. And that's where I have regret is that it had become the norm to go to the White

House for meetings, for events, for parties. It had become the norm to be named, to be seen and not be ignored or thrown away by our administration. And so when Trump came in, it wasn't just like cold water. It was like jumping into a pool of acid. You went from the White House being turned rainbow to signify the passing of marriage equality in twenty fifteen to it literally having lights out, lights out on our democracy, lights out on anything that was not white, cis straight and

quote unquote Christian. So to be in the presence of the President, the first Lady, the Vice President was an amazing experience and it reminded me of how hard fought the rights that we have gotten to this point have been, but that we can no longer take things for granted, because what was one today can be taken away tomorrow. And so for us to have real progress, right, for us to understand real progress, we have to put in

the consistent, real work. I posted my pictures on Instagram, So if you want to see some of the pictures from the celebration at the White House, by all means, go and check out my Instagram at D two sense d E t w oc e nts, the same as my Twitter, and you can see some of the pictures and the beautiful spread of food. And somebody had remarked and it was hilarious because I'd forgotten. They go, oh my god, you mean you got actual food at the White House and not a pile of fast food for McDonald's.

If you remember what the President did welcoming basketball teams into the White House for their historic win and then them being met with cold, hard, dried out fast food. That's not how you honor people, and that is definitely not how we were greeted at the White House this week.

The queer community the White House had rainbows going all over the place and streamers down and the band was playing and there were rainbow roses in the banquet room, and it was just a beautiful, beautiful time and for a few hours we all got to cheer as each other and hug and congratulate one another on a wonderful Pride month. But it was also clouded, right, because what

has happened over the past couple of weeks. We have seen a white supremacist terrorist group be disrupted as they were headed to a Pride event to go and cause I'm certain harm right, who gets pulled over with riot gear and shields and smoke bombs and all of these things if you're not setting up to ensue some type of violence. You had the Proud Boys break into a drag story time in California and start hurling transphobic and

homophobic insults. You have Marjorie Taylor Green's dumbass saying that she's going to write legislation to make it a legal to have drag queens around children. You know what should be fucking illegal, having racist, white supremaci homophobic pieces of shit around children. You know what should be illegal carrying in AR fifteen in this country because that causes more harm than a fucking drag queen reading a story. But those are the things that the Republican Party wants to

concentrate on. You see, they want to create this culture war as if the real enemies of this state are not the ones that are occupying the title Republican, as if the real enemies are not the people who have access to their own personal arsenals, and then decide that they are going to seek revenge on communities they feel like are trying to quote unquote replace them. What should be illegal is for a member of Congress to attend a white Supremacis rally and still have a fucking job.

That's what should be illegal. But we don't have those conversations. Instead, we allow the right to propagate their bullshit and then us sit and couch ourselves in defense. We need to be more proactive if we need to call out who these people are and what they stand for. We need to stop allowing them to make criminals of the LGBTQ community, of the black community, of the Latin X community, of

Indigenous people, of Muslim people. Right, you don't get to rewrite what you believe America should look like because other people's truth make your bullshit uncomfortable. Because that's what it comes down to. Folks fear right, fear, and the desire to control. Because, let me tell you something that is such an affront to white supremacy and patriarchy. Are people defining themselves for themselves. And that's why they see such a problem with the LGBTQ community. Why can't you just

go along with the get along? Why can't you fall for the prescriptions that society has put out to you based on some story in the Bible. And it's because guess what, God made us all and he made us all different, and you don't get to tell me how I should define myself. You don't get to box me. And so when we celebrate pride, this is what it

is about. It is about holding our heads up high, straightening our backs, putting our shoulders back, and saying you will fucking see me, and I am no longer ashamed. That is the beauty of pride. And it felt so wonderful and always humbling to be invited to attend these events at the People's House and be reminded of our power and our purpose and our pathway towards bending the ark a little bit more towards justice. Coming up next, my conversation with a woman who came out as transgender

to her employees in an email. When Noland and what the effects of that have been and what made her decide that a couple of years ago it was the time to live in her truth. Hey there, I want to tell you about another podcast I think you'll love. The Brown Girl's Guide to Politics, hosted by a Shanty Goehler, the president of Emerge BGG, is the one stop shop for women of color who want to hear and talk

about the world of politics. Join a Shanty this season as she talks to incredible women of color who are changing the face of politics and tackling some of the most important issues basing the United States, from reproductive justice to voting rights, to climate change and more. Tune in every Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm David Plots of Slaves Political Gabfest. As another election season accelerates, it can be tricky to sort through all the noise

and the news. Each week on the Gabfest, John Dickerson, Emily Bathlon and I decipher the headlines, break down the races, and tell you what issues really matter. We do not always agree. We definitely do not always agree, but we always deliver thoughtful debate and we always have a good time. So subscribe to Slates Political Gapfest new episodes every Thursday, folks. I am very happy to welcome to Woka affadaily for

the first time. Win Noland, who is the CEO of Bradley and Parker and at the age of fifty six, came out in an email to her employees as trans. When I want to start with what your mental, emotional, physical preparation was to make the decision to come out

at fifty six. When we think about and to have conversations about people coming out, whether you're coming out as gay, as trans, as bisexual, or so on, we often think about young, younger people, right, and so what was the walk us through, what the experience was for you to be in your fifties and make this incredibly important and impactful decision. So, first of all, thanks so much for having me. It's it's a real pleasure to be with

you in your audience today. Um. You know, I think that a large part of my late transition had to do with with the time period that I was born in and that I was raised in. There was really very little information out there when I was growing up about what being trans was. You know, there was a time, and I'm old enough to know this, there was a time when we had no Google, we had no Internet.

You know, you had the World Book Encyclopedia and your public library, and neither of those two places were repositories for information regarding trans people. So I think a lot of people in my generation knew that they didn't fit in, knew that there was not and I say this, I'm saying this so so I hope that people don't get mad at me. Knew that something wasn't quite right, and I don't mean that. And you know, we have the we all have the right to be where we are.

But you know, you just knew you didn't fit in. Something wasn't quite the same as everyone else. But it wasn't that easy to label, you know. So a lot of a lot of people from my generation who were trans kind of initially thought that they were. It wasn't so much that they were trans, but maybe that they were gay, because there was more information about that. Although certainly not as prevalent as it is today, it was still light years ahead about where information about trans people was.

So I think for my own personal story, I think that was the case for me that I really didn't I knew something was different about me, but it was hard for me to quantify it for a long time. And then when I was able to quantify it, it just didn't seem that there was really anything much to do about it because I certainly didn't know anyone who transitioned. You know, there wasn't anything in really popular culture or media about it. So it really wasn't until the Internet.

The Internet started to really take hold, and all of a sudden there was just it was like opening a Pandora's box of information that became available to people, and you found out about other people experiencing these same kinds of things, and that, in fact, there were options to do something about it, which is, you know, ultimately what I did. So that was kind of the timeline as to why I came out so late, And there's the reasons that a lot of us who come out have.

You know, you worry about acceptance at work, you worry about acceptance in your family, you worry about acceptance in romantic relationships. You know, there's a whole plethora of anxiety and angst that goes along with it. So it just took me a while to work that all out. How did you go through your process? Meaning did you build that? So?

For me when I came out as as queer, it was I was quite young, had finished college, and I wanted to make sure for me that I had had the support of my friends, my sister like that, I had built up my own kind of fortified community before I came out to my parents, right because I wanted to feel like I had people on my side. And so for you, how how did you go through that process before you would then tell employees, Yeah, totally totally get what you're saying there. And I did something quite

similar with me. I'm an only child and don't have a you know, kind of a large nuclear family. But I confided in some close friends and some closed business associates who knew for you know, they knew a good deal earlier than the rest of the people I told. And and for those exact same reasons that you discussed. You know, you need someone to kind of be a safe harbor. You need someone to kind of bounce things off of, you know, once you get them, once you get them kind of on your side, to use you

to use your phase. You can then bounce things off them. Well, you know, what do you think if I do it this way? Or how do you think this is going to be perceived? And it just listen to anything we do in life, whether it's what we're talking about or any other pursuit. Having valuable friends and allies is you know, it is just always a game changer. So when do you make the decision? Now? How long was it until you drafted the email to your employees? Had you told

other people? Had you told the board? Had you told you know, other people that were kind of stakeholders and at your executive C suite level? Before then you would tell everyone else. So I kind of made the decision to do this in I think it. I'm hoping I'm getting my own year, right. I think it was January of twenty and seventeen, and the email announcement you're talking about was sent out in May of that same year, after the long Memorial Day weekend. It was the Tuesday

that we came back. Particularly because of my position and legal responsibilities and things of that nature that I have, I wanted to make sure that I did everything as correctly as I could from a legal standpoint. So earlier in that year. Once I had made the decision, I retained an attorney who was an expert does a lot of pro bono work. Actually, he's an expert in trans issues and getting all your documents right, getting your end

of markers changed, getting your birth certificate changed. You know, here in New York. Here in New York, we're lucky because we're able to do all those things. You know, in other states people find it much more challenging. Here in New York. It's effort, and it should be effort. I mean, you know, you should be able to do these things, you know, with a wave of a hand. But it's it's the effort is is extremely justified and

not over It's not a burden. So I was able to get all those things done prior to making the announcement that I did in after that Memorial Day. So it was about it, I guess, like a four or five month process of kind of getting ready and getting kind of all because you know, as you might expect, I'm a pretty organized person. I'm goal oriented. Uh So you know I had kind of a I had kind of my own pathway this is what I need to get done by then, this is what I need to

get done by this date. Um So I was able to accomplish all those things. And during that time, excuse me, I did have a couple of conversations, several conversations with exactly those types of people you're talking about, um, fellow board members, the executives, excuse me, people that I'm just friendly with here, um that I wanted to give them a little bit more of a heads up because I thought they deserved it. So what was the response when?

What was what was the overall response, and what is the response been, Because now it's been roughly five years, right, yeah, four yeah, so it's been it's yeah to tell us, I'm so sorry. I'm feeling a coughing episode coming on.

Bad timing. UM So, I think the most, um, the most appropriate way to discuss with you how everyone's reaction was is to say there was an initial element of surprise, which I personally believe and I know some trance people don't agree with me on this, I personally believe that that is to be expected, and that's okay. You know, in my case, I had years and years and years of figuring out what the heck was going on with

me and making this decision. In the case of these other people, I was presenting, I mean, so much differently than I am today on this goal with you. This is how they knew me for ten or fifteen years. I'd be surprised if they weren't surprised. So, you know, I think you have to give people that initial you know, that initial breath for them to take it all in and process it. So there was definitely that, but that was very quickly replaced almost universally, with a really tremendous

level of support. So I have really and truly been very blessed in how my transition you know, progressed, and how my transition was seen by others. And and I know that I am blessed and fortunate because I know that a lot of other people have a much more

difficult time, much more Yeah. And one of the reasons why, one of the reasons why, you know, a few years ago I agreed to to be more public about this, and you know, had some really top tier media attention in the Wall Street Journal and Fox News, etc. One of the reasons I did that was because I wanted to show people that there are success stories here, that not everything is a horror show, But that doesn't change the fact that some people go through those really, really

tough time. What do you make when now, you know, a couple of years are removed from you coming out, and the attacks that you're seeing around the country, particularly on trans youth, directed at trans youth, or the parents of trans children, particularly in Texas for instance, where they're being criminalized for providing the care that their children need in order to live full and complete lives. So how

has that been landing on you? So, you know, I mentioned before we were talking about the steps in my transition, how living in New York things were considerably easier than they would be if I lived, for instance, in Texas, right And this is really to me, this is such such an unfortunate reflection of a lot that's going on in our country right now, where we have just become ultra polarized and and everything is now seen in this scene, in this red and blue split um and it's just

I find it. I find it so disturbing that you know, we made, we made a lot of strides as a country in embracing diversity and being inclusive, and now we're seeing, you know, on the part of a lot of these kinds of states like Texas of course is in the farmat but you know, tennis See has some nasty laws on the books, and there's some stuff going on in Florida. And you know, I don't know the statistics, but you know it's more than three or four states. This is

going on a lot of states. It's just so troubling because these people, we just want to live our lives. We're not trying to inflict my lifestyle and my gender identification. I'm not trying to inflict that on anybody else. This is what's right for me, And you know, I just want to live my life the way that I think you should be able to live yours, and everybody should be able to live theres and the fact that this seems to be I think the thing that bothers me

the most is that it's like being demonized. That you know, being trans or different in some respect is being demonized. And in reality, you know, the great thing about this country to me has always been that it's a melting pot of so many different nationalities and cultures and sexual identities and everything else. And that's where we get our strength from that diversity. And I just I find it

very very, very troubling. You know, we're both in New York, and so to some extent there's like a sheltering right that happens. We absolutely, but I think that my concern and the concern that I raise on woke f you know, have been raising the alarm on for the past couple of years, is that I don't believe that we will all be safe for long just because we happen to be in blue states, particularly if we have those that are forcing these anti LGBTQ policies make it to the

federal level. So you know, that's the depth of fear, right, that's definitely the fear. I don't know about you, but I guess it's I guess it's two years ago. It is.

It's two years ago now. I'm sure you were like me, and when that big Title nine case was in the Supreme Court, I was fully prepared for that to go the other way and was really pleasantly surprised, and you know, in a way affirmed a little bit that says, Okay, well, maybe these people aren't all as crazy as we think they are, because you know, they upheld that, and I think a lot of us in our community thought that was going the wrong way. Yeah, so you know, one

of the one of the things. So I absolutely agree with what you're saying, because if these things reach the federal level, and of course, right now, if you listen to the variety of talking heads, the Democrats, as much as some people may not want to admit this, the Democrats are in trouble everywhere. Um. And you know it's a it's you know, they're in hour now. But you know it's a very dare. It's as slim as a razor blade, right. I mean, so that's that obviously is worrisome.

But I think the real challenge, I think for people like us, you and I and others that are trying to raise our voices in support of these issues and kind of like you said, sounding the warning bells, I think the job that we have is to reach the average member of the American public. And here's what I

mean by this. It seems to me, it seems to me that the narrative, no matter what side of the political spectrum you're on, whether you're the far right or the far left, the narrative seems to be really driven by these two extremes. And you're average American on the street, whether they identify as Republican or Democrat, or conservative or liberal. You're average American in the street has fairly average values

and average opinions on these things. Like if you ask the average person in the street, do you think we should defund all the police, they're like, no, of course not. But then if you ask that same person, well, do you think we should hold police accountable so that they don't, you know, so they don't kill people like Raymond Floyd? They say, of course we should. So there's there's a lot of agreement out there, but there doesn't seem to be any agreement by the people that are running yet

the negative. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I think I think it's it's our job to the best that we can to get those people to wake up and to get them to understand that that by just being silent, because none of this really affects them, you know, they're

going to get a very different place. What a question for you, when what advice do you have for somebody that is listening that has yet to come out that they you know, they in their mind they've reached an age where they're just like, Nope, this is just the way that life is and I gotta keep you know, just keep on keeping on. What advice do you have to them? So that a form of that question I get a lot and um my answer is always the same, and that is, if you if there's a way for

you to do this, don't delay. If you think it's something you want to do, don't delay. This is this is what I'm going to say now. Is is a sentiment that so many people have expressed, and they express it because it's true. You can have all the money in the world, you can have all the friends in the world, You're can have the best relationships, You're gonna have a lot of things, but one thing you can't

get more of his time. We're all allotted a certain amount of time, and kicking the can down the road is not usually a great strategy because it wastes time. So another kind of a part of the question you asked was, well, what about people who just don't think that there's a path right there? They know in their hearts that they would like things to be different, but they don't think that there's a path. I understand that, and unfortunately, I think for some people there isn't a path.

But I also think there is a path for many people that don't think there is one, and my advice to them is to really go and seek some help. We are, we are much We're in a much better position now than we were a generation or two ago. There are a number of so many talented gender therapists

who can help people navigate this. And you know, if you think there's no way out, maybe there isn't, but maybe there is, and you know, try to do some legwork and get some help to make sure that there really isn't an avenue for you to progress forward and be happier. Yeah, when Nolan, thank you so much for sharing your story, for you know, using your voice and your platform to lift up and to guide other people, and for making time for us here at wik a.

I appreciate you. Lovely to meet you, lovely to be here. Thank you so much. It's no secret that the news is horsepill hard to swallow. Thankfully, there's the Bituation Room podcast hosted by comedian and commentator Francesca Freer and Tini for a lighter take on the heavy stuff. Each week, the Bituation Room brings you progressive comedians, experts, and activists to break down the issues in a way that won't

just leave you crying under a weighted blanket. Get the Bituation Room on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and streaming on YouTube and Twitch. That is it for me today. Hear friends on Woke app as always Power to the people and to all the people power. Get woke and stay woke as fuck.