Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

fun journey that we're going to take together. And I'm excited that after writing with me on Patreon and on audio for so long, that we can do something different. So today, first, I want to start off with the fact that I can't express to you how disappointed I am in this administration. And I say that not because I don't think that they have good intentions, but it's because the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

It's because we recognis that, you know, having essentially Congress and the White House isn't enough that you actually have to have the will, You actually have to have the

fight within you. And I'm tired of us being fed these lines like don't let the perfect get in the way of the good, or something is better than nothing, or this is historic even though it was gutted of all of the things that people need right and I'm talking about the Infrastructure Bill, and I'm talking about all of the compromises, and by compromises, I actually mean the way in which Joe Mansion and Kirsten's Cinema were able to throw their weight around and essentially show us firsthand

that we no longer live in a democracy that two people can halt progress for the rest of the country just because they want to. They love the attention, they love the money that is being thrown at them, they love all of the headlines. But what they don't love, friends, is America. What they don't love is progress and the fact that we continue to refer to them as moderates

when they are not. They are They're not insurrectionists, So I won't say that even though we have insurrectionists sitting in Congress right now, none of which who have been arrested or indicted or called before the one six Commission. But they are obstructionists. And that's what I used to refer to as Mitch mcconnellists as well as the Grim Reaper. They are obstructionists. They don't want progress so long as it interferes with their bag. And what do I mean

by their bag? Their money right, their pockets, like as so long as they are fed, so long as their families are bringing in millions, then they are good. The disrespect that Kirsten cinema, and I'll keep saying it over and over again, the disrespect that she showed the Senate with her fucking denim jacket and the flipping of her hair like she is some fucking high schooler was embarrassing.

And it was embarrassing for a couple of reasons because it showed her absolute and total privilege right as a white woman that gets to do and say whatever it is that she wants to do. Black people aren't even allowed to walk down the fucking street, right Like, everything that we do is criticize, from the top of our heads to the bottom of our toes, to the way in which we straighten up our backs, or if we slouch, or if we decide not to brush our hair that day,

or if we decide to do the most. It is always criticized because everything that is on and comes from a black body is politicized. So the very idea that you can just shows just such, you know, casualness, just such disregard at this critical time. And I know, folks, you're like, oh, the clothes are not the problem, like she's the problem, But it's the entire package. To me that is the problem, and is the package of white privilege.

The other thing that I want to discuss is that tomorrow is one of the most consequential elections that we will see in Virginia. And look, I'm tired of saying the word consequential too, you know why, because every fucking election is consequential. And what we saw following twenty twenty is that guess what elections matter, right, and how big of a margin we have actually fucking matters. And so here's the thing. You have Terry mcculiffe, and you have

junkin right, who are running in Virginia. You have a man that is essentially Trump light. He is everything that I said was going to happen. Right. Once you had somebody who could speak a little smoother, maybe understood the system a little better, was an easier pill to swallow, but still had all of the same ideology and sentiments of Donald Trump. Right. Put him up in a suit, smack a smile on his face, have him not call people outside of their names, and guess what you got yourself?

A candidate, This man wants to ban books in school, Tony Morrison, to be exact right, he wants to ban books in school. He doesn't want to have mask mandates, he doesn't want abortion, he doesn't want all of the things that Republicans are going after these days. If this man wins, he is setting up his place right and setting Trump is m in stone, because again, what do people need to understand? So long as you are not spinning hot shit or tweeting hot shit like Donald Trump

did for four years, then you'll be palpable, right. And what we knew to be true is that Donald Trump was palpable to seventy five million Americans, right, because that's how many people voted for him. So just imagine a smoother, more refined but with the same ideology person running for office and them winning. The margins are closing in Virginia, and frankly, I don't fucking understand why I have lived

in Virginia. I lived in Arlington for many years. I've lived in Washington, DC for well over decades, and so I don't understand what is going on in that state right now. But I plead with you, if you have friends that live in Virginia, if you live in Virginia, get out and fucking vote. Get them to vote. Get at least ten people with you to go to the polls.

Offer to shuttle people back and forth, do whatever it is that you can right now, because we are running out of time and this is going to set the tone for what midterms will look like. And I already can tell you Democrats don't have a whole lot to fucking offer. They really don't. And that's the problem is that when you look over the last you know, ten months, we're getting ready to look at it a year since the election. When you look at that time, right and

you realize, well, how is my life different? What have they done? They've done really nothing. And yes they can now say that we pass this infrastructure bill, but what will it do. Is it going to provide the American people with the things that they need or the things that Joe Mansion said that you should have, or that is just good enough? Right? Because that's where we are.

We're at a time when we need robust change in big thinkers and change makers right and warriors that are on the field and recognize that we are at war. We are at war with a political party that is a group of insurrectionists that want to overthrow our government. And they are doing it right. They are doing it

each and every day. Each and every day that Merritt Garland decides to sit on his fucking hands and do absolutely nothing, he is telling them, next time, make it better, make it bigger, and make it stick, because there is no responsibility, there is no accountability for any of the actions that have been taken. We know, we know that their insurrection is sitting inside of Congress right now. We know that there are people that gave gave these people the blue prints to the Capitol. We know all of

those things. But none of those people are in jail. None. And that should make every single one of us sick. And I'm so fucking tired of being told, oh, well, we got to follow the process. Republicans never follow the fucking process. They barely ever follow the fucking law. And we know that over the four years of Donald Trump, they didn't follow the law at all. They thought the Constitution was a fucking suggestion, right, And so but here we are with Democrats with all their hand ringing right

with all of their Oh history will remember you. How when you're gutting the history books and you're not doing dick about that? So what history books is going to remember you? You'll be written out right, or you'll be banned. We already have schools across this country curriculums that are erasing the insurrection. Oh that's too divisive, so we don't want to talk about it. Oh it was just a group of tourists that got out of control, So we're not going to talk about it, so we won't write

it up. So what history exactly is going to remember these people? Nothing? None. You know. I was in La at the end of last week, and I have to tell you that I was sitting around with folks because, as I mentioned to you all, I'm a member, a board member of the miss Foundation for Women that is specifically working on investing in organizations that are focused on lifting up black and brown girls right and women. So organizations that support this work doing a myriad of things.

And I'm sitting there and I'm talking to folks and They're just like, Yo, this country is going to hell in a fucking handbasket. But I live in California. So for right now, for right now, I feel safe. But I got to tell you that as I look out at the rest of the country, I realize that we are in deep, deep trouble. And that's the thing is that I can say, right now, Okay, I'm sitting in New York and I can feel safe ish, but for

how long? Because the next time that a Donald Trump or a Trump like figure becomes president of the United States, they are going to use every single bit of power that they have to drain blue states, right, which is funny because we subsidize red states. Let's just be clear. They don't make any fucking money or produce a goddamn thing, right except obesity and under education. Let me not. Let me not. That was rude, Let me not. But I'm

just so angry these days. I'm just so angry and frustrated at the fact that all we did was press pause. All we did was press pause, and why the rest of us are looking around and realizing that we are in mortal danger, right, mortal danger. Right, Just imagine what the slate of presidential candidates are going to look like in twenty twenty four if we make it there, right, Ron de Santis, Trump junkin right, Abbott, like, these are the people that are going to be running to be

president of the United States. And frankly, although Joe Biden is nice and he's comforting, right, when the people look around and if he hasn't offered them anything, and then, frankly, when we lose the House and the Senate, and then you can't offer us anything. You can't offer us any fucking judges that are going to combat the over three

hundred judges that are now across the country. And now when Republicans get hold of the White House again and get hold of Congress again, what do you think is going to happen? Every single law, every single law that you think is laid down in cement, isn't That's the thing that I wish that Democrats would get on their fucking bullhorn and be screaming about. But they're not right. We are in danger. Brown versus the Board of Education is in danger. Plus a versus Ferguson is in danger.

Marriage equality is in danger. Why because we refuse to take the action to end the filibuster, to strengthen our voting rights, to strengthen our courts, to strengthen anything about our democracy and just hope you know that shaming Republicans is going to do something You cannot shame the devil.

That is the thing that folks need to understand. And so we're going into midterm elections folks on a hope and a fucking prayer, right hoping that people still have Trump residue because you know what, again, Joe Biden hasn't been doing. He hasn't been taking every single administration member from the Trump administration and bringing them out on a perp walk for all of the fucking illegal and criminal

ast shit that they have done. Right, he is not reminding the American people each and every day about the insurrectionists and that we are holding these people accountable because our country right needs to reflect strength not only internally and know that people are held responsible, but externally right to our allies so that they can see that while democracy may falter, it will not fall in America. But those are just slogans because we are taking absolutely no

action to make sure that that is certain, folks. Today, I'm very excited about the conversation that is coming up next with Alex J. Packer, who is a psychologist and wrote the book Slaying Digital Dragons about our kids obsession and dare I say us as well, our obsession and you know, addiction frankly to the digital world. Right as Mark Zuckerberg is announcing metaverse, right and essentially turning our

real lives into sims. He has written a book that is about how we need to decompress, that we need to take breaks from social media. That it is not only a danger to ourselves physically and emotionally, right with the slouching over and the thumbs right, and the arthritis and the eyes and all of the things that are going wrong physically, but that our addiction to our devices is also thwarting our democracy, right, our engagement, our ability

to have empathy for one another. I'll ask him a question, and I will ask this to all of you. I felt that with the advent of social media and the ability to connect to people, that it would increase our empathy because we could see, right, we would see these videos we collectively watched George Floyd's murder, right, like, we could see these things happening, and that that would invoke empathy. Alex says, the absolute opposite is actually happening, And I

want to know what you think? What do you remember your initial thoughts about social media and you know, connectivity and building community in the digital space, what you thought about it ten years ago and what you think about it now. Do you force yourself to take breaks? Do you have you know, device free days? Is that even possible? Right? Is it possible to leave your home without your phone? Or do you just shut off all of your apps

for the day. I want to know how you you are putting yourself, if at all, on any type of device diet, so that you can take a break, so that you don't have a breakdown. So that conversation is coming up next, and I'd love to hear from you, folks again. I am so very excited about making this journey with all of you into video and I know that we will have much more exciting and engaging things to produce for all of you patrons, and so I just want it again. Want to say thank you, thank you,

thank you for being a part of this journey. Coming up next is my conversation with Alex J. Packer. Folks, I am very excited to welcome to Okay f for the very first time psychologist Alex J. Packer, who is the author of a new book, Slaying Digital Dragons, Tips and Tools for protecting your body, brain, psyche and thumbs

from the Digital dark Side. Alex you talk about the fact that a year in pandemic life or I guess we are a year plus over in that time, that the amount of time that kids and teens have spent on their devices, whether it's iPads, iPhones, you know, computers is has reached what you were saying as shocking levels. I think it's shocking as well that eight ten and even twelve hours or more a day is no longer

considered unusual. I mean that when we when I think eight ten and twelve hours, I think about the amount of sleep that young people should be getting. How is it that they can manage to be on devices eight ten and twelve hours a day. Many of them ten't manage. And that's what motivated me to write the book. You know, I want to say up front, their men, teens who use these devices as a tool in their lives and they exercise control over them. And the digital world is

a miracle, but it's also a monster. And I am increasingly concerned about the impact on growing bodies and brains and psyches and social beings of technology and particularly big tech, and what it's doing to young people and the foundational pillars of our society. So let's start out with the fact that you know, I have many I don't have kids myself, but I have many friends that do. And I'm seeing children as young as one two years old that are on screen time. Parents hand them over any

number of devices as a way to pacify them. Right, it has become the new pacifier. What makes that at those young very young brain is readily developing. What makes that particularly dangerous for the younger set, well, for the younger kids, They are experiencing life through a tiny screen and it doesn't have the same tactile or a motive bonding elements that face to face interactions with their caregivers

with siblings would have. It's a very narrow experience. And they're not out in sandboxes, they're not playing with physical toys. Their eyes are glued to a screen. And you know, I think of this a bit like you know the story about the frogs. If you put them in a plot of wall Yeah, yeah, they won't jump out when it's turned up to boiling. And for kids today, they are simply immersed in digital devices practically from birth and

there's no conscious decision about it. And by the time they're eight, ten, twelve, eighteen, these devices have taken over their lives. Is it that not only are they seeing life through this tiny screen, but as a psychologist, is it also really harming their ability to make connections? How is this kind of amped up amount of screen time?

Because you know, on one hand, I'll say this, on one hand, I was so thankful during quarantine that my God, that this was happening at this point in time and not fifteen twenty years prior, right where we had FaceTime and zoom and all of these other opportunities to connect outside of physical touch. I thought that that in and of itself may have actually saved people's lives who you know, depression, anxiety, and that kind of isolation we know was causing and

triggering a lot of mental health crises. So in that, in that vein, I think, my goodness, to your point, what a miracle. Right on the other hand, for those that are not that we're not aged in a time where I had both both the sandbox right and then the and then was a child in a teenager in the development of the Internet, so it was able to

really manage both of those things. As a psychologist, what are we seeing in terms of how difficult it is or what the differences are in being able to connect if a screen is your first mode of contact, Well, the main difference is that these devices are hijacking your being. You know, people often say to me, well, you know, teenagers, it's a time of passion and compulsive behavior. And how

are these devices? How is social media any different from comic books or rock and roll, or you know, spending hours tying up the family lambline, and the differences. Those were tools, Those were choices teams made. You choose to pick up a comic book, you choose to spend three hours a day playing drums or shooting hoops. These devices now are controlling us. They're not our tools. We've become

their tools. And the developers of social media platforms and many video games and shopping sites, they are using the most sophisticated tools and knowledge of human nature and neurochemistry and psychology to control us, manipulate us, influence our behavior,

and even predict our behavior. You know, I think that one of the most ask you one of the most alarming things that came out of the Facebook whistleblowers, right, the multiple reports and data that has been dumped, is how much they do know, how much they are aware of how social media platforms are changing body brain chemistry, on how much they are aware of what will trigger you to want to continue to stay on the device versus to put it down, and the desires to have

you on there for as long as possible, because, as you know, was brilliantly said, when the platform is free, you're the product. So if you're the product, then you need to be consuming as much as possible. The more time that you're on, the more I can advertise to you, right, the more you will spend. What was the most shocking thing that you learned or heard, you know, during as we're unpacking the information out of Facebook and Instagram as

it pertains to young people, I was not shocked at all. Yeah, as a psychologist, as someone who's worked with teams, I believe that that was all happening. And you know the power of what happened with the whistleblower is now we have the documents and the proof, and it's much harder to deny the destructive effect that these platforms and devices can have on individual teenagers and on society. So it

wasn't a surprise to me. And that was so much the motivation for this book, because I don't think teens realize the extent to which they are being tracked and manipulated. You know, we all have a sense of, well, you don't have that much privacy, and they're kind of putting cookies on your device. But no, it's so much deeper than that. And I wanted to empower kids to fight back. I mean, teams don't like to be manipulated, and I think that teens are ripe for this type of information.

I mean, between forty and fifty percent of all teams say they feel addicted to their phones. And and what does that addiction mean when when they say, when you say it, what do we mean when we're when we use the word addiction in that context that they can't control their use? Okay, you know that they are aware of negative or harmful consequences, but they're not able to turn that awareness into a behavioral change. And ninety percent of all teams say that too much screen time is

a problem for their peers. And you know, again, four out of ten. Teams want to be able to unplug from time to time from their phones, So I think there is a receptivity there and I want to awaken their mindfulness so they under stand their screen scene. What is great about it and helpful to their growth and learning and connection with other people, and what is harmful and could actually be interfering with the development of their brain,

their social skills, their autonomy, their street smarts. How does it interfere? And I love the fact that you listed all of those things. Let's go to the street smarts piece of that. How does a screen time interfere with that development of just understanding right and being socialized in

the world around you. Because the phones let teens connect to their friends and their world from the bedroom, they don't go out as much, and they they're not getting drivers licenses, they're not going out in the city or wherever they live on their own. They're not dating as much, they're not volunteering as much. So there is a retraction of their independence, and adolescence is the primary time for becoming independent and developing those types of street smarts or

skills for going out and about in the world. For teams, imagine if their GPS on the phone doesn't work, they'll be absolutely lost. How do they get from point eight to point B. So in that sense, it's making kids more dependent on their parents and more sheltered. They're essentially growing up more slowly. They're not developing empathy to the

same degree as previous generations. So you put all this together, and I do see it having a major impact on the way kids are going to develop and their self

confidence and their social skills. You know, it's so interesting that you say, then they're not they're not dating as much and not getting driver's license, you know, because we have these conversations too about the millennial and the you know, zillennial set, where one we're saying, oh, well, they're living at home longer because of student loan dead and the

economy and all of these things. But I wonder too if what you are saying with regard to how they are being socialized or not is also playing a part into the larger picture of things, right that you know, you aren't having those same types of experiences and markers

that young people teenagers had twenty thirty forty years ago. Right, It's an interesting way of looking at it that more people maybe staying at home because of economic and societal factors, but also they may be more fearful, like you're saying, of going out on their own and being independent if deep down they don't feel confident about their ability to navigate the world. Yeah. I can tell you that I have younger cousins, one that just turned twenty two and

another one that is also in their mid twenties. But I will tell you that their childhood was so completely radically different from mine. Um, you know, I used to say to them, why you're not going to go out and go see your friends, go ride a bike? And this is when they were in middle school and high school. You're not you know, you're not going to sleepovers, You're

not doing I don't you know, I don't understand. They would go to the mall see somebody from across, you know, from across the store that they would go to school with, and they would text them instead of actually going up to speak with them or saying, Hey, I'm going to

go and hang out with this person. Part it was so it was bizarre for me to see for their for their parents, it was just like, I don't understand, why aren't you connecting, and that was the only way they knew was to shoot that Hey, I see you right, send an emoji. In a recent survey, and this did shock me, the number one preferred method for communicating amongst teens is texting Yeah. And the survey was given right

before the pandemic. So maybe the experience of the pandemic, where kids you know, felt and experienced the absence of face to face communication, maybe if the survey were given again, face to face would take the number one spot. But I was shocked and very concerned about that. So of human communication is nonverbal, right, If it's happening through snaps and texting and you know, quick quick videos, you're missing out on so much. And I think that is one

reason that we've seen the drop in empathy. People aren't getting the same clues in their social interactions. And so it's so interesting because I would think that because you're on a screen, and because essentially every device that we have is a small computer, that you are seeing more, right, You're seeing more not just in your own neighborhood, but you're seeing more of the world, right, and the ills and the pains and the societal you know, imbalances and injustices.

Why isn't that provoking empathy? I think because empathy develops through human interaction primary early and a lot of what you're seeing on your screen is what they, you know, big tech wants you to see. Like seventy percent of the time people spend on YouTube is spent looking at YouTube's recommendations. You may have gone there to see a particular video yourself, but once you're there and you stay

for hours, it's YouTube in the driver's seat. And that's why, you know, YouTube is viewed as a principal radicalization force in our culture. Wow, I never even thought about that, that you're not even going there to see what you want to see. You're going there and being shown what they want you to see, right they're really Yeah, it's it's all their choices. I mean, the menus you see on your screen when you go to a website, that's

what the platform wants you to experience. Many times, you're probably on a site and you're looking for a different choice and it doesn't exist. They don't want to give you that choice, or it may exist, but you have to look in the tiny, tiny fine print at the bottom of the screen to click on it and cancel or do whatever it is you want to do. So, what are some of the ways that we're able that teens and all of us who are in fact addicted to our devices on a number in a number of ways, Alex,

How do we take our power back? How do we start making mindful, thoughtful choices about what we're consuming. That's the key question, because I'm not hopeful that the tech industry or a dithering Congress is going to pave the way for solutions. So the first and most important thing is to become aware, to become mindful. And the first section in Slaying Digital Dragons presents readers with nine wacky

but science based challenges for understanding their screen scene. So I present them with warning signs to see if they might recognize in themselves any indications that their use may be problematic. I asked them to think about how much time they're spending, how that time is apportioned, what triggers their use, what their screen habits are, and especially how they feel after going to certain apps. You know, we're

just not thinking about these things. So that's like a first step in taking charge, taking control back, and then there's learning. So the second section of the book talks all about the specific ways in which big tech may harm your body and brain and privacy and psyche and relationships and future and life balance. And then the final section of the book is where you bring it all together and you can reset your digital life. It's a

process I call giving yourself an app and deck. To me, what you do is you cut out the unhealthy aspects of your digital life and reset it so that it works for you and you have a healthier online offline balance. What is is? What is that healthy? Is there just a general if you're on your device for an hour, how long should you be off of it? Is there is there any scientific makeup? Or is it really about how we are feeling and that we should begin by

checking in with how we are feeling pre and post usage. Well, those are good clues, and the time you spend isn't necessarily the key factor. You know, many families argue about how much time kids spend on their devices, and some parents think it's too much time, and other parents think it's way too much time. And the key though, is how are you spending the time? You know, six hours on a screen can be spent in so many different ways.

Are you creating or are you vegetating. Are you passively you know, responding to material that's thrown at you on the screen, or are you actively engaged in learning and connecting and creating. Is there a healthy balance of the activities you're doing. Are the things you're doing making you feel depressed and lonely and insecure or are they making you feel proud and connected and productive. So you really have to look at the two factors together, the total

amount of screen time and how it's being spent. I mean, that makes sense. It makes sense. You know. I can say that I catch myself more now and how much swiping I'm doing, how much looking and scrolling just mindlessly scrolling with a television on in the background, but still holding the hand the phone in your hand, and just you know, mindlessly scrolling. And I'm saying, I don't even know what I'm looking at, right, So then put it down and making those trying to make those small changes.

But there is not a time that I take public transportation. Right, I'm on the subway in New York and I'm looking around. No one is looking up, not one part, you know, not one person. Everyone is looking down like this, walking along the street. Everyone is looking down like this. So it is about really re establishing mindfulness at a time

when we've been able to be so mindless. Right. Sherry Turkle, who's an icon in this field, coined the phrase alone together, and I think it's so apt because, as you're saying, you can't be on any public transportation or an airport lounge or any public area and everyone is, you know, buried in their phone. And I can't help but connect that behavior that you know, disconnection from other people with the polarization and the hatred and the silos we're all

living in today. I think you know these issues, and this book is so timely because you really can't come up with one aspect of being alive that isn't being affected by digital devices and social media and the fake news and disinformation that we're all exposed to online. I can agree more. This is a fantastic book. Thank you so much for coming on, folks. The title of the book is Slaying Digital Dragons. Tips and Tools for protecting your Mind, Brain, psyche and thumbs from the Digital dark Side.

Alex J. Packer, thank you so much for making the time to join woke f and have this really important conversation. We work on this show to bring people on that are about connecting us to our mindfulness in so many different ways, and this is definitely an important one. So we appreciate you, thank you for inviting me. It's been a pleasure. That is it for me today on Woke f As always power to the people and to all the people. Power, get woke and stay woke as fuck.