Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was still single, even though you could come in a siliconed mold, shaped like a light bulb, pop it out and be like, It's a light bulb. Oh my God. My guest today is a talented actor and comedian. many of us grew up watching Drake and Josh. Lately he's been in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, How I Met Your Father and Oppenheimer!
Good Guys podcast which you can watch on YouTube. It's Josh Peck! Wow, thank you. Are you microdosing? No. No? No, but... A lot of people think I'm on drugs. That's great. Yeah, I... It's wild. Like, I do take mushrooms. And I did them... I do them all the time. But the last time I did them, I was with my boyfriend and I did them and I was like, having a nice time. And then later that night, he was like, did you take mushrooms? And I was like, yes. And he was like, no difference.
There is no difference in you. Oh, good for you. That's good. You have a good disposition. Hey, thank you. Like a healthy default. I don't know. You do. Do I? The last 10 minutes have been a ball. I did really come in and be like, nice to meet you. Democracy is great! I've been over! Well, specifically Oppenheimer. It's a fun word to say. Oppenheimer! I didn't see the movie. I'm so sorry. God bless. I just wasn't a part of the Barbenheimer thing. I didn't want it.
Because I was like, so everyone knows how to market a movie. We're choosing not to. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna sit this one out. Good. And have you avoided both films? Yes. Good. You stand on business, Nicole. Yes, I sure do. And we already talked about that you've never seen Good Will Hunting. Sure haven't. What other Paramount movies of the last two decades have you decided to sit out on? Name four movies.
That you should have seen? Yes. Titanic. Oh, I did see Titanic. I've seen that several times.
Okay, okay, fair enough. All right, let's move to the mid-aughts. No country for old men. Sure haven't. No. There will be blood. Sure haven't. I think they're the same movie, because I think they came out at the same time. They did. And I think they're like... uh dvg covers look similar yeah they're they're the same movie basically right um and no barbie or oppenheim no haven't done it do you not like too intense of a movie no i love movies i love intensity
I just saw John Wick for the first time. Wow. Huh. I can't believe it. Have you seen The Beekeeper? No. Nobody has. Jason, save them. I saw it in theaters. But the beekeeper is very close to John Wick. And then I learned that a lot of like action movies of the now takes a lot from John Wick where it's like he's avenging this like thing and there's like a secret. Okay. And the beekeeper.
There's a secret society of beekeepers and they don't explain it. You just got to follow it. You just got to believe. Yeah, you just got to enter. Yeah. You got to be on it. And it's fun. So I've seen John Wick 1, John Wick 2, and then soon I'll be seeing John Wick 3. Those are my plans. Want to hear something crazy about bees? Yes. If you have a bee nest in your house, right? You call someone. Guy comes over. Yes. He goes, you want to, you want to.
Kill the bees? You want me to just move the bees? You go, I'm a benevolent homeowner. Yes. Let the bees live. So he creepy crawls and gets the queen. All he has to do is find the queen. Moves the queen. A couple feet away into his little bee cage. All the workers come into the cage. He don't got to clear nothing. Really? This is a brilliant business. You get the queen and you sit back. You scroll Instagram.
Have you seen the movie The Faculty? No. That's the premise of it. Say more. Okay, so it's Josh Hartnett, Clea Duvall, Jordana Brewster. Usher Raymond. Yeah, I'm in. And so there's an alien invasion. And then they're like, oh my God, if we get the queen, we get them all. That's it. Wow. And then that's a... then I don't want to spoil it, but like, oh, Elijah Wood's in it. Enough said. But like, it's a good movie. Why is it always like, it's like the Italian job and... Never seen it.
Oh, it's solid. Or like it's Fast and Furious. Yes. Seen them all. And it's like, they always get like one Ludacris or one Tyrese. Yes. And that is what I'm campaigning for. Yes. I want to be in some sort of action movie as like the... I got a call. As like the comedic relief. Just insane. And everyone else gets to do the action and maybe they let me do it like one time. I like that.
Right? I think that would be fun. Yeah. Wait, Josh, this is a dating podcast. Oh, good. Sorry. You are married. I am. Sorry. I'm also dating someone. Not for you. I'm dating for the conceit of the pod. Like, we're too... In relationship people, what do we talk about? We talk about relationships. Okay. Because I was a person who had not been in a relationship for a very, very fucking long time. But now I'm in one and now I'm better than everyone. Oh my God, what?
It's also so new. How new? It hasn't been a year yet. And you're already talking about it. I know. Isn't that wild? Bad choice. No. A year is long. Long enough to be public with your relationship. I think so. It's almost a year. When will this come out? January 31st. Yeah, it's almost a year. Mazel. Mazel. Mazel. Toph. Mazel tov. That's the full one. Yeah. Why would you just say half to me? It's better. But you don't wish me a full well?
Listen, don't read into the Yiddish, please. Nicole, I'm not going to talk Yiddish semantics with you. Why not? I don't know. Teach me Yiddish. Sure. Shabbat shalom. You should come over for Shabbat. What is Shabbat? Dinner? It's Friday night dinner. I'll come to your house, but you live far away. I live far-ish. I'll have to go to the Burbank airport, fly on down. Imagine I did that. You take a helicopter. Wait, how did you meet your wife? We met at a Halloween party.
What were you dressed as? I was dressed as a waiter. She was dressed as Olivia Newton-John in Grease. Why were you dressed as a waiter? I wasn't really dressed as anything. I just wanted to look handsome. I'm very vain. So I just wore nice clothes and was like, I'm a cute, charming waiter. That's very funny. Yeah. And she just looked hot. She was in a black dress and a pink jacket. Come on. Was she wearing the capris? No, she wasn't even that committed. She was in a bodycon and a pink jacket.
Okay. All right. I get it. So who talked to who first? She says that she did not see me. That she saw me at the party, but she was like, meh. Maybe not mad, but like... Nonplussed. Okay. Does she know who you were? I don't know. She's like... You've never talked about that? She was like, there's clearly some stunning boy here, but I'm not interested. A stunning boy. A stunning waiter over there. As I remember it, we made plenty of eye contact.
Like hard body karate eye contact throughout the night. Oh. And shout out to her friend who set up the alley-oop for us. Oh. Shout out Ani, who was there. So did Ani, like, give you each other's numbers, or was she like, you guys should talk? What did she do? Yeah, she came up and started talking to me. Oh. This means your wife was like, I think he's cute.
And then Ani was like, on it. Because that's a good friend. We all need an Ani. Yes, I do that for people sometimes. How would you do it? I'm the random stunning boy at the party. You're Ani. I'd be like, hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm good. You look really familiar, but I can't place my little finger on it. Hey, Diva, come over here. Doesn't he look familiar? Oh, I'm uncomfortable. Him!
I'm uncomfortable. I never said I was good at it. I'll just help a friend out. I'm not good at things. I thought you were pretty good. Thank you. But listen, I live by intent. Intention is everything. Execution might be lacking. Yeah, you might want to flip those. It's more the action. Yeah, but as long as I didn't intend for it to be bad, isn't that fine? No. Not in the court of law. Okay, so you meet your wife. Ani's like, really getting this going.
Did you ask her out first or did she ask you out? Oh, I asked her out first. And it was funny. I was going. You ready for that? You're going to love this. I'm going to love it. I was headed to go do a 3D dance movie with Chris Brown the next day. Paris, France. Never in my life could I imagine that sentence coming out of anybody's mouth. Did it come out? Yeah.
You're like, now that I've seen. That's my favorite movie. I've watched it every night. Barmanheimer, no thanks. Battle of the Year with Chris Brown. I'm in. And I told her, I was like, this sounds cooler than I am, but I'm actually headed to. go live in France for the next month but when I get back I want to see you and I got back right around Thanksgiving we went to go see one of the Twilights we kissed
13 years. 13 years. Oh my God. That's so nice. 13 years is a fucking long time. Long. What's your key to like longevity? Don't leave. Stay. Stick around. What do you mean? Like in the state or like in the relationship? In the relationship. I mean, it sounds a little bit overly simplistic, but.
Yeah, like we've both fought for it. I mean, not that it's ever been like so hard, but like going through the natural things that people go through in relationships, we both, I don't know, we recognize the value in each other. Like even when it got bad. I knew like, no, this person's very, very special. Oh, I fucking love that. Oh, my God. It's crazy. I've only had one relationship where like.
I was like, I'm going to fight for this. And it was not worth it. Yeah. Sure wasn't. Was it a one side fight? You know, I think we were both fighting. We butt heads a lot. Like, we just didn't see eye to eye on everything. But then we, like, wanted to be together. And then I would be like, well...
we should like work on things. And they'd be like, yes, let's work on things. And then nobody would work on anything. And then we would fight again. And then I'd be like, let's work on things. So it was one of, I think it was maybe more one-sided for me. And that was tough. And would you learn from it? I learned that two people have to, I feel like I'm like getting graded. I feel like two people have to like want the same thing.
And if there isn't like a level of like, I respect you and I want to be civil and I want to argue in a civil way. And by argue, I mean like, oh, I just have a difference of opinion, but it's not like life or death. It's like. I can say that in a nice way and not hurt your feelings. Yes. I think. Josh!
I don't know. Nicole, I think you know. I think it's so corny, but I always say like you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. That's what people been saying. It's fucking true. And I always say that to, I mean, granted now I'm basically. So if, like, my friends are worried about text messages and shit, I'm like, dog, like, I have Achilles heel problems. Like, I'm going to the orthopedist. I can't help you with this. But in my 20s.
People would be like tripping out about like, what do I text? They need to format the perfect text. I'm like, if this person is down for you, you could write them the dumbest shit and they'll be like, he's so hilarious. You're right. And on the other side, if they're not into it, you couldn't be. Shakespeare and they're not it's not gonna hit you're absolutely right but I think that applies to a relationship in general like when it's when it's right it's like somehow you can find
I don't know. There's some glimmer of hope in every fight that like, but this isn't the end. Like, yeah, we're going to go through it right now. And yeah, I'm totally annoyed and turned off. But like, there's something worth. saving here yeah I think every I have ADHD which is probably what you're picking up on when you said good vibes it's just mental illness I love it
ADHD is a mental illness. What I have is a mental illness. No, isn't ADHD mental illness? It's broken. And I take medicine. Do you take Adderall? No, I take Vyvanse and it's time released. So you can't abuse it because I told my psychiatrist I liked cocaine.
And she said, why do you like cocaine? I said, because you have a good conversation with someone. You clean your house and go to sleep. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, go to sleep. At the end of the night, it's nice. Because I can sleep. Okay, I can do rails of coke. And then go.
Right to sleep because it's the one thing I have to concentrate on. Well, not only that, but it has the same effect as Adderall. Yeah, it's an upper. Get your color. Yeah. But when you mix upper with upper, it's like... Two negatives equals a positive. Yeah. Do you like cocaine? No. Not for 16 years. Not for 16 years. I'm sober, babe. Wait.
I don't know why I raised my hand. I was going to try to do some math. And I was like, 40? Six extra fingers pop out. 40 minus, so 30. Not 38. Okay, 38. I got sober at 21. Okay. I'll make it easier for you. Hey, have you ever tried to snort your Vyvanse? No, because it's time released. And I was told that. No, it's not. I was told that if I snorted it, nothing would happen. As a representative.
of the abusing of drugs community. Let me tell you, there are workarounds. Well, I'll tell you this. I like uppers, but they just help me concentrate more. I've never been like, Like, I don't know. I've never been, like, up all night, like, just, like, do and go. Sure. There's an end for me. I go, that's enough. We gotta all go to sleep. That's incredible.
It's strange. The ADHD is deep in my veins. Because that's the problem. I've seen people successfully do cocaine, but it's like a quarter of a bump, and it's almost cute. And like they're drinking and they don't become like a night stalker. Yes. Those people who can abuse drugs like that. Those are interesting people to me. Not interested. Well, I like drugs in a way where... What? What am I doing? Like, I like...
Doing something for a little bit of a time. Like I get in phases where I smoke a lot of weed. And then I go, ah, I don't want that anymore. And then I'll be in like my little cokey phase. And I'll be like, I don't want that anymore. Then I'll be in my mushroom phase. And I'm like, ah, no. So I just cycle. Which isn't probably not healthy. I don't know. Well, whatever. It sounds like you're managing it well. You were only slightly late this morning.
But you're here. You're doing great. Hey, thank you. I could go to sleep at 7 p.m. and still have been late for this noon time. Fair. Mornings are not for me. It's the afternoon. You are correct. How did you propose to your wife? Naked. Wait, really? Yeah. Wait, why were you naked? It's funny. It is funny. It's funny. Was she naked too? Yes, but she was in bed.
And I should love that I'm telling this story. Sorry, babe. Again, another France story. I didn't think that they were connected with our first state and when I proposed. I was going to France the next day. We were going together. I was going to go do work at Paris Fashion Week, and by that I mean I was doing social media for a brand. Whatever, that pays. Yeah, but no one was like, were you walking?
And so I was like, I knew we'd been together like five years. I knew I wanted to propose and I knew I wasn't the guy to do it in Europe. That doesn't track. Wait, why? Me. I eat at Denny's. I'm wearing Blundstones. It ain't it. What are Blundstones? They're the official boot of Canada. Your producer gets it. I get it. You do? They're an outstanding shoe. They're very utilitarian. How long have you had this one?
This is two and a half years. You know, that's pretty solid. They're properly beat up in a good way. They do look good. Thanks. I like them. I like them too. Waterproof. Oh. They have a new suede pair that's out. I'm not a suede girl. Hmm. I like leather. Wow. Say more. I just don't like suede. I think it's too soft and I don't want to be touching my feet all the time. Ah, gotcha. Like, I'll just be like, ooh.
Do you have to be cognizant of Tim Wintiggy mushrooms of what you're wearing because you don't want to pet yourself? No, because this is how I am sober. Like, maybe I giggle a little bit more, but, like, that's about it. Like, I'm never like... And then maybe I want to hug a tree or something. That's weird. But, like, I've been weird sober. Right. My father-in-law, who's, like, a proper man, like, just dude. Old school. Like, his name's Ken. He's so masculine. Ooh, Ken.
Ken, he's the best. And clearly, you know, he's got like four kids and their friends come around. And so he sort of observed that like eating mushrooms is sort of on trend. People are doing it more. And so he asked me, he goes, what is this mushrooms like what what kind of feeling do you get from it and i tried to chalk it up to i said you know ken it's like i just remember looking at nature and sort of seeing like the cosmic geometry and everything and he goes
You lost me. As soon as they said cosmic geometry, he was like... Tell him he'll just tee-hee-hee. He was like, go vote for Bernie Sanders. That's very funny. What are you doing? What are you talking about? Yeah. I would just be like, do you like to giggle? Yeah. If you want to giggle. Take some mushrooms. And you've never gone dark on the shrooms? No. You seem very light and wonderfully. Yeah, I think I don't.
I think like my ADHD allows me to never really stay in a dark spot for too long. Or anywhere. No, I'm bouncing around, baby. That's good. It's nice. But also, but sometimes I'm like. Am I okay? Other people get so sad sometimes, and I can be sadder than— Like, I'll be in my house and I'll be sad. And then I'll think of something funny. And then I'll just be like laughing in the shower. And then I'm like, this is my brain broken. Clip it. Wait. Wait, so you're in Paris thinking of proposing.
No, we were on our way. Oh, on your way. On our way to Paris. And that morning, I was like, I'm just going to do it. And then we'll have this fabulous trip. So... Yeah, it was like 7.30 in the morning and we woke up and we had to fly out like at 1 p.m. and I just got on one knee and she was in bed and she said yes.
That's nice. It was nice. Oh, my God. I know. Wait, so when you were—you're a child star, essentially. Yes. So I guess social media wasn't huge then, but, like, did girls throw themselves at you? No, social media didn't even exist. But like when you went out in public, were girls like, oh my God. No, I was huge. I was a gigantic teen. Yeah. What a way to say that. I was a gigantic teen. It's a big, metabolically challenged. I can't.
That's such a wild way to say that. Yeah, dude. I look like Hagrid's son. No, you didn't. I did. No, you didn't. Without facial hair. No, you didn't. Really big. Scary big. Like red line. Like, there were cardiologists calling a hotline, being like, listen, I don't want to say anything, but this kid from Drinking Josh is not in a good place. I was in cholesterol meds at 12. Yeah. What? Well, that means somebody cared about you. I was 90 pounds heavier up until like a year ago.
And my friend was in the hospital last week and I was talking to his nurse. And I was like, my blood pressure at one point was 200 over something. And he went, oh my God. He's like, the ER is downstairs. And I was like, oh my God, it's not like that. Now. Wait, we have to take a break. Ever been on a bad date and wish you could just hit a reset button? Or maybe you're swiping through dating apps and wondering who else is seeing what you're up to.
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And we're back. I have no idea if I took my medicine today. Good. I have zero clue. I feel insane. This is going great. Is it? Wait, okay. But people are attracted to fat people. Yeah, definitely. I don't think I was... You're so right. And I wasn't putting it. I think I wasn't attracted to me. And that was the vibes I was putting out, unfortunately. I get that because I fucked a ton when I was fatter. And good times. I had a great time.
I think so too. And sometimes I kind of prefer being a little fatter. I had a bigger butt. Like I miss knocking things over with my butt. Yes. Now I don't knock things over as much anymore. Sometimes I'll do it for like nostalgia. I'll just be in my house and be like, still bad. You say to your boyfriend, honey, can you move that dresser closer? Move it a little closer so I can knock it over. Oh my God, it's huge.
200 over 140. Which is like not good. No, yeah, bad. I had a doctor once say to me, she was like, are you seeing spots? I was like, no. She was like, do you have a headache? I was like, no. She was like, if you had any of those things, I would send you to the ER. And it turns out I had all of those things. I had just become acclimated to them. Isn't that fun? That's fun. You're like, yeah, I'm on mushrooms, doc. I'm supposed to see spots. I'm on drugs.
And be like, did you fast before this? What do you think? Did you lose weight from, like, growing up? Is that a weird? That's a weird fucking question. I totally did. It's a good question. Because sometimes you're chunky as a kid and then you, like, grow up. I totally did. Oh my god, Dr. Byer in the house. This is a medical fact. Sometimes you choke as a kid and you grow up. Well, my doctor, when I was a kid, kept being like, oh, when she hits puberty, don't worry.
But I was like in it to win it. I was like, I'm gonna stay fat forever. Yeah. I remember I went to summer camp, sleepaway camp, and every kid lost weight at sleepaway camp. Not your bully. Wait, were you on TV at sleepaway camp? No, this is when I was still a civilian. I was like 10 at sleepaway camp for like... four weeks, and I came back fatter. I was just like, there's fruit punch in the cafeteria. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding? Oh, yeah. My...
My mother never set me up for success. I was a vegetarian for one summer, and all I ate was french fries and milkshakes. Great. Like, ma'am. Don't let her do that. Don't let me do that. But hey, she was very supportive. I come from a family of people who like to eat. My mom was fat. my dad was thin. So it was, you know. Yeah. It was a toss-up. What will I be? Who knows? Fat or thin, fat or thin. And I said, I'ma be fat. I get it. I mean, being fat is kind of delightful.
This will sound awful, but like after you hit a certain point, you just eat whatever you want. You're already there. Yeah. Like have a nice time. Oh, yeah. You just make fun concoctions. I would get stoned and make like the most fun things in the microwave. I would do it sober.
Who am I kidding? So would I. I grew up in an apartment complex where I would sneak down every night and there was a vending machine. And as we know, the holy order of vending machines. Chips are on top. Yes. Middle, candy bars. A little further down. Pop-tarts. Maybe a pop-tart, maybe a gummy. Ooh, yeah, yeah. An assorted sundry. And then at the bottom...
Maybe like a famous Amos cookie. Ooh. Or like an Auntie Anne. You know, like. Wow. I'm like really enthralled. I'm like, yes, that is a vending machine. Yes. I want to own one from my house. And so I would go and buy something from each level every night. And I would take it home and I would... eat and watch Howard Stern on E and just be like...
This is my life. I would steal sleeves of Ritz crackers to hide in my room so I could eat them at night. Hell yeah. Ugh, I love a Ritz cracker. Oh my god, so buttery and there's no dairy in it. And they're terrible for you. I just learned this. They're bad for dogs.
They're like grapes. Well, they're not like grapes. They don't poison dogs. But I like, I like went online. I was like, are Ritz crackers good for my dog? Because I feed my dog a lot of Ritz crackers. And they're like, no, it has like hydraulic. I don't know. Hydraulics? I don't know. Hydrogenated oils? Yes! Hydrogenated. But that's in everything. But apparently those are bad for dogs. So is living in a city, clipping. They're animals. You're right. Do you have an animal? No, I have two kids.
Wow. It's enough. I have enough souls to take care of. Souls? Yes. I guess they are little souls. They are. Girls or boys? Two boys. Oh. Yeah. Are they rough and tough? Oh, yeah. We'd be wrestling. I love when little boys wrestle you. It's so fun. I used to nanny and I nannied two little boys. And when they were like, they'd be like, oh, Nicole. Like, it was just so funny to me because I was like, you're so tiny. I could take you out. Like, you think.
You think you're so tough? You're not. No. They're little wolves. Like, they want to. Yeah, they want it, but they don't have it in them. No. Wait, when did you start dating? I started dating, probably like properly dating, I'm trying to think, right around like 18. I had lost a bunch of weight and it was like, I felt like I had to make up for a lot of time. Yeah, so you were out there fucking. Yeah, hold on.
I was out there full cliche. Like, it was bad. It was bad. Dating and, yeah, doing all the things. And did you grow up in L.A.? I'm from New York, but I've been in LA since I was 14. Where in New York? The city, Manhattan. Okay. House Kitchen. Okay. Are you from New York? No. I'm from New Jersey. What part? Middletown. Central. Yes! My people are from North Jersey.
See, a lot of people in North Jersey will consider us South Jersey, and a lot of people in South Jersey consider us North Jersey. But I was like, if you look at a fucking map, we are directly in the middle. I'm literally from a town called Middletown. Like, mid-doll. We're in the middle. Yes. Freehold adjacent. Yes!
Oh my God, they had the good mall. Yeah. This is fun. But I was like, I didn't know if you were from the city because I feel like people from Jersey and the city call it the city and everyone else is like, New York City. Yeah. I lived in Harlem or Morningside Heights. It was like 125th and Broadway for a while. I just like kept moving up. Isn't it upper Manhattan now? I'm like, dog. Something like that. But I'm like, no, don't erase Harlem. Don't do that. Yes. Let's roll.
Fun things happen. Still. The renaissance. End. All of the fun things. I love it. The renaissance. So wait, when did you move to L.A.? I was 13, 13 years old. And why did you move? To act or just to be in the sun? No, I moved here. I got a TV show. I was on a show called The Amanda Show with Amanda Bynes. And it was sketch comedy for kids. And that's what I did. And then I got my own show and I never left. What made you want to act? I grew up...
With a single mom. And so like my best friends growing up were like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Ace Ventura and Billy Madison. I've never seen those. Really? Which one? All three? Wait, what was the first one? You've seen Fresh Prince TV show. Yes, that I've seen. Okay. That's a TV show. Yeah, I know. But the other two, Ace Ventura and... Billy Madison? Never seen.
Okay, let's talk about the Adam Sandler legacy here. Happy Gilmore. No. But I have seen Big Daddy. So good. And one of my favorite scenes is... Do you know which one it is? Hip, hip hop. Hip hop. Am I right? This is bullshit. You gave them the easy ones. I once cried in a street laughing showing this to a friend who didn't think it was funny. I was like stomping my feet. I was like, come on. Get rid of that friend. My God, now I'm crying.
Rob Schneider, genius. It is one of the funniest things, and I think it holds up. It's just so funny. It's brilliant. Hip-hop, hip-hop anonymous. This is the worst podcast episode ever. I ruined your show. No, there's a worse one. Me and Bobby Moynihan do giant shots of vodka. And then felt trapped and talked about lots. And I don't think any of it makes any sense. Oh, my God. Wow.
That really made me so happy that you immediately knew. I can't believe it. We really linked up. Oh, my God. Big Daddy's awesome. And I've seen the water boy. Waterboy's good. The Waterboy is so funny. Part of the Adam Sandler canon. Have you seen any of the dramatic stuff? Uncut Joms? No. But I want to because I really like Julia. Fuck? Yes. She's awesome in it. She's funny. She kills it. I'm just shot these mirrors and Uncut Jams. Uncut Jams. She's so...
Funny. Yeah. She's good in the movie. I love her. I did my makeup myself. Wait, I had a question. And it like fully left me. Mars keeps trying to get me to come early to look over my notes. That's crazy. And I refuse to. Who would ever. In fact, I come later and later and later. Oh, you have a memoir. I do. I wrote a memoir at 35. Is there anything more millennial? I do love it. I had been approached to write like a memoir-y thing, and I said no. Good for you. Because I was like, I don't know.
I'm not old enough yet. Like, I haven't had, like, enough stories, I didn't think. So I wrote a picture book about bikinis. Oh, that is so smart. Listen, it didn't sell well. You still don't mind either. You still got that advance. I sure did. Yeah. That's right. Then check cash. And no one bought my book. I'll take 200K in a cart and a new book. Yeah, I don't think books sell well unless you're like three people on earth. Yeah.
Well, it's kind of wild because I was like, nobody reads books anymore. But then that Blake Lively movie came out that's based on a book. And apparently it's a very popular book. Yeah, I mean, that's and is that like, is it? Am I allowed to say it's kind of a romantic novel? Was it slightly? You're wrong. It's about abuse. Gotcha. Right. That's what I was going to say. Well, but I will say it is.
shot like a rom-com not a rom-com but like wasn't it like there was there's a big love story until yes so she like falls in love with this dude who like accidents keep happening Because she's like in her head. Stop hitting my fucking TV. It should not be this close to the chair. You bring up Blake Lively, I get crazy. Was she in Deadpool? Was she Lady Deadpool?
In the newest generation. In Deadpool loves Wolverine. I didn't see it. You didn't see it? See, now I haven't seen something. Why didn't you see it? You're not a Marvel head? I'm not. I really like the X-Men. And I was like. Sure, I'll go see it so I can see my Wolverine. Because I love Hugh Jackman. What's not to love? I mean, there's nothing not to love. I think that was right. I think that was right. There's nothing you can't love.
Everything about him is lovable. Totally. I love him so much. He does musical theater. He sings. He dances. He seems so nice. Oh, my God. I love him. He talked about in Howard Stern how he had to get in shape for the role and that he would starve himself of sugars and like carbohydrate. But then right before he was about to shoot, he would drink flat Coca-Cola.
that the glucose would like dilate his veins so he looked even more vascular. And I just want to know who was like, I'll be on the Coca-Cola duty to make sure it's flat. His assistant. His sad assistant's like, all right, let me take him out. Let me open it up. He's going to guzzle them down. Yeah. All right, real quick, we have to take a break.
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Go to gum.fm slash date me to fill out our survey. That's gum.gum.fm slash date me. I'll never understand people who can show restraint with food for work. I can't. You could pay me a million dollars and I still would be like, sorry, I lost no weight. But on the flip side, because you have lost so much weight, like if people will bring up to me like, oh, would you ever put on weight for a role? I'm like, never. No, never. There's not a...
No, because I have, I'm type 2 diabetic, baby. Hot, hot, hot. Ooh, ooh. Are you on the Zempis? I'm on Manjaro. Ooh, you're famous. You're a celebrity. Thank you so much. That's a higher end. Thank you. And how do you feel on it? How do you like it? I've been on it for like almost two years. And. My body now has acclimated to it. But before, I be shitting. I be shitting all the damn time. But now my body is like, no, no, I get it. And then it sucks. You still have to work out.
You just eat like, so what it does for me is it quiets like food noise down, which is like a new term. But like, I no longer go through life being like, when do I eat? When do I eat? When is food happening? That looks yummy. I want that. Like, I just don't think about it anymore. And I eat like a little bit less. But I do these workouts with this man named Daniel. He has like a company called The Body Project, but I just do the free ones off YouTube. And they're 20 to 30 minutes. And I'm like,
20 minutes will not kill me. And then he also tells me I can sit down during them. And then he's like, take a break, get water, do whatever you need to do. If you want to sit and watch us for a while, do that. And I really like that. But then he's got this bitch wife and she does videos.
She never tells me I could take a break. She never tells me I can do it. Mrs. Dan. And then she just, like, moves too fast. I hate her. She sucks. But Daniel, ooh-wee. Do you stay away from her videos? Yeah, I will not watch them. Good for you. But sometimes she does the 15 minute ones and I'm like, I only want to do something for 15 minutes and then I'll suffer through it. Love it. I love this for you. Listen. Do you, you know, it's interesting.
What they're seeing now with like brain scans and stuff that like things like depression or OCD or PTSD, all the things, right? Like they can actually kind of see it. They can pinpoint it. And what they've found is like there are certain like modalities in which it like can really alter the brain to kind of fix it, right? Because it's hard because no matter how much talk therapy one does, it can be super helpful.
But inevitably it's like, but the circuit is still broken. So I wonder now, like if one day you went off Muncharo and you've given your brain a rest, I wonder if the food noise would come storming back. Yes. Yes, sure does. It does. It's kind of wild because I've gone away.
And then, because it has to be refrigerated, and I think you can use it unrefrigerated, but like, I, listen, I'm going to be part of a class action lawsuit in 10 years, and something's going to be wrong with it. It's going to be worth it. I know it. It's going to be a nice payout, but like, I just don't want to.
not refrigerate it because the directions say it has anyway so like if I go away for like a week or two or whatever I don't have it and then it comes back and then I'm like ah no and it sucks it sucks because I'm like oh I might have to like be on this for the rest of my life Or I have to, like, learn discipline. But it's, like, different than discipline. It's not discipline. It's just, like, I can't. My brain is what it is. I think it's awesome. And I don't know. I'm all for life.
I know RFK will be mad at me, but I'm down to clown. I went to a cardiologist. I've had high cholesterol my whole life. And so he was like, I would really suggest you take this incredibly small amount of a cholesterol medication. He's like, you know the lowest dose? I'm giving you half of that. Just try. He's like, you're in reasonably good shape. You tell me you like to work out. This is absurd how high your cholesterol is. I don't think it's your fault. I said, okay. I took it.
For six months, I came back. He came dancing into the room. He's like, it's down 100 points. Your cholesterol is down 100 points. So you know how nuts that is? It's working. It's great. I went back four months later. He walks in. No more dancing. He goes, did you stop taking the medicine? I go, yeah. And he goes, why? I go, because it was working. I like that your doctor said it's not your fault. Because I think more doctors need to be like, it's not your fault, it's genetics.
You're just genetically like I'm genetically predisposed to high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My daddy had it. He rode a bike all the time. He was a very healthy person. My mom, she liked the chips. But like, what was her brand? Lays.
She loved Lay's potato chips. An old-fashioned gal. Love her. Yes, the yellow Lay's. God bless her. And she put Louisiana hot sauce on it. She sounds like a fun time dude. And she loved Coca-Cola. Oh, my God. Would she rip a couple darts, too? No. She quit smoking by the time I came. Try to get her back on it. She's dead. I was afraid you'd say that. I was afraid you'd say that. Mommy! I'll kill you again with a cigarette! Weekend at Bernie's. He lays in a stogie.
Oh, man, it'd be really tough to weaken at Bernie's her because she is cremated. Oh, wow. I'd have to whirl her together like in The Mummy. Do you have her in an urn? No. This is funny. She died when I was 16. And my dad, like, simply, we didn't know what to do. No one, like, prepares you for that. So we put her in the backyard. And now someone else lives in that house. What do you mean you put her in the backyard?
She got cremated. And then when someone gets cremated, they send you them in a box. Right. And then you open the box and then there's like a thing in it, like a thing that you got to cut open. And we were like, I don't know, put her in. put her in her bushes that she loves so much. So we put her in the bushes. So now she's still there. Wow. So there's someone in New Jersey who's, every time it's super windy, they're like, Oh, I'm tasting. I'm tasting.
A woman who likes Lay's potato chips? I'm in the mood for Louisiana hot sauce. In hindsight, yeah, I probably should have put her in an urn. It's fair. It's okay. People do the ocean. Should I go there and like scoop up some of the dirt? Yeah. The house was for sale and I was gonna like go look at it. But then I looked at it on Zillow and they had painted a bunch of walls like green and I was like.
Were they doing green screen stuff? Doesn't that hurt when people change your... Yes. Yeah. They made it so nasty. They like painted the cabinets white. And I was like, these were not meant to be white. They were meant to maybe be stripped and like sanded down and restained because they're beautiful wood. Yes. Wait, Josh.
We only have two minutes left. Oh, wow. Isn't that wild? Oh, no. Speed round. I'm ready. Okay. What is your advice for single people? Keep at it. The right person will find you. Double down on the things that you know are good. Like what? Like when people are always like, oh, I don't know, I'm ever going to find someone or something. Like, do the things you do, like, that you know are good for you, and good things will be born out of it. But I don't know, I wasn't around during, like, um...
online dating or dating apps and whatnot. So like I would meet someone at yoga or like I would meet someone at the local Whole Foods. Like that happened for me. Am I of a time gone by? No, I think you're of a time that we need to bring back. That's right. I think that's like fun to meet someone at yoga or meet someone at the grocery store. I also think people are like too afraid to talk to one another. Totally.
Like I was wearing a really colorful outfit to the grocery store the other day and I was like, I feel like someone's going to talk to me, but I chose this. And then sure enough, it was like. Oh my god, I love this. I saw it on sale at TJ Maxx. And I was like, I bought this full price. And that's why I was kind of annoyed. You were like, this is Balenciaga, man. Come on, come on. But then she was like, I like your aura.
And I was like, I like your dress. And then we just like talked for a while. And had I needed another friend, she probably would have been my friend. That's fun. It is fun. And I think we should all just talk more to people. Listen, here's the thing to remember. Are you Mozart? No. Bet. You're gonna be forgotten. So...
Put yourself out there. Not you, Nicole. You won't be, but they will. Everyone listening is going to be forgotten. Thus, fall on your face. Be rejected. Put yourself out there. Fuck it up. Who cares? I already forgot about you and the world as a whole has forgotten. Not about Nicole. Nicole's incredible. Nicole's a once-in-a-generational talent.
That's nice. Thanks. When am I doing your podcast? Please come on the Good Guys podcast. We can't wait to have you. When am I doing it? We're working out the dates. You're fancy. I'm around. I got kids. I go nowhere. What changed after you had kids? Oh, life just got so much better. I highly suggest. But you already mentioned you're not really into it, and I totally respect that. No, but I like kids. No.
I love babies. Like, I love a big, meaty, chunky baby. Oh, yes, the folds. The folds. And I like when they're too big. Do you know what I mean? When, like, they're, like, in the 99th percentile and they're, like, half the size of their mother. Like, I love a big... nasty, chunky baby. They're just glorious. The other day, my son, I was reading him this book and it was like...
a Rao Dahl book. So it had like some British type phrases like jumper for sweater. And I said, oh, sound like a jumper is a sweater. And he goes, oh, yeah, a sweater. Like when you come back from your walks in the morning and that there's a stain on the back of your shirt. I was like, yep. Kids are funny like that. That is very funny. Dad's a sweater. You're a sweater. You're a jumper. Well, Josh, we've come to the end. Thank you, Nicole. I have a question.
Do you have anything you want to promote? Just the pod. Good Guys podcast available everywhere with my co-host, Celebrity Ben Soffer. Can't wait to have the great Nicole on. Yeah, I fucking want to do it. Okay, I can't wait. Let me fucking do it. Good. Let me fucking do it. Good. Okay, I ask all my guests this. Would you date me? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, like I said, we be ripping cigs. Yeah.
and get you off the wagon. Yes! I'll give up my sobriety for you. No, just kidding. I would say keep going. Yes, and I would say that to you as you ingested mushrooms. Keep going, Nicole. Keep going! Reach for the stars. Yeah, I've never been like, I've never been like tripping, tripping. Maybe I gotta take more. Nah. I once took them in Mexico and it took us, I don't know.
An hour to get three blocks? We kept laughing at things. That's fun. At one point I was like, an ATM? Can you believe money comes out of that? You just become a Seinfeld bit. Yes. Apparently a lot of my... My thoughts are Seinfeld bits already. I didn't know this. I've never seen Seinfeld. That's why he's a billionaire, because all our thoughts are Seinfeld bits. Yeah.
The thing about airplanes. Anyway, if you like this episode. Automated telling machine. ATMs are crazy if you think about it. Nuts. They're just stacked with money. I know. You know what's even funnier to me? Those Postmate little robots? Yeah. I watched a video of people beating one up. They have like the big eyes. So they kind of look like human like they were beating it up to get the food inside. And I was like, this is the future anyway.
If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me, because we're running low, so please submit them to WhyWon'tYouDateMePodcast at gmail.com. I will read it, and it's got to be nasty. Hi, Nicole, I sell my used underwear online to make money. That's nice. And if we were dating, I would make you wear underwear for me for clients. Ooh, a trick.
We would wear each pair one after the other and make them real nasty. Uh-oh. Our pussy juices would mix together so we would become the most exclusive in-demand used underwear providers. I like this. You're an entrepreneur. Okay, bye-bye! You've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kanofskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay.
Kemp. Our VP of content at HeadGum is Katie Moo. And our theme music is arranged by Mike Comite. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye. That was a hate gum podcast.
Hi, I'm Caleb Heron, host of the So True Podcast, now on HeadGum. Every week, me and my guests get into it, and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test them.
their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Afualo or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.