Wholly Human with LeAnn Rimes: Mel Robbins Part 1

best selling author and talk show host. Mel is also one of the most widely booked public speakers in the world. Her videos have over a billion combined views a billion, which is crazy, including her ted X talk how to Stop Screwing Yourself over. I think we'd all learn a lot from that. That one has over twenty seven million views alone. Mel's books include The Global Phenomenal On, The Five Second Rule, and her latest is The High five Habit Take Control of Your Life with One simple Habit.

I got so much out of this book that I actually read it twice, and I hit it off with mouth so well that we're going to break up our marathon talk into two really enlightening fun episodes. Here My Friends is Part one with the feisty and fascinating Mel Robbins. Fact I could, Hi, Mel, Hi, thank you for coming on the Holy Humid Podcast. It is truly an honor to have you. I'm very honored. Well, thank you for having me. Why are you honored because I think you're

a badass? Oh? Oh, thank you, I do. It's pretty cool coming from another badass. Thank you, Thank you. I am Yeah. I'm just always just amazed at your authenticity. And it's I think that I put myself out there and in that way. I mean, this is kind of what I Why I started this podcast was to be able to connect with people on a real human level. And I just love I love your humanity and it's I think it's rare that we tell people like I love to see your humanity and it's beautiful. So thank

you for being so open and sharing your humanity with everybody. Well, you know, you and I have a shared experience and that we have both either fallen into or dug holes for ourselves, and uh, the process of trying to climb out of those holes is what always leads you to both a better place in your life and to a lot of wisdom and it's not the easiest process. I mean, I personally would have rather taken a class, got a PhD uh, and avoided the mistakes that I've made in

my life. But I think the humanity or the authenticity that you see is a function of the fact that I spent so many years of my life lying, pretending to be somebody I wasn't beating myself up that when I finally got to the other side of that and realized how freeing it is to accept yourself and to just be yourself, the good parts and the bad parts, and know that we're all a work in progress, it's just so much fucking easier to live your life that way.

It is that there's so much energy that goes into hiding that it doesn't all the energy goes there, and then you miss out, Like what I've found is you miss out on creativity, you miss out on life, and because you've been stuffing down, you know, all of your humanity basically and keeping trying to keep this facade, and it is it's exhausting. So it's waul and everybody's doing it. Everybody's doing it, and it's not the thing that everybody

wants to be doing right. No, no, I think that we um you know what, what, what I'm sure we'll get into is that most of us are simply trying to survive and we are doing the best that we can with the patterns of behavior, in the patterns of thinking and the hard wiring based on the experiences of our childhood. And I spent many, many decades of my life bringing my head against the wall, going why the funk can't I just tell the truth? Why do I

have to constantly screw everything up? Why can't I change this behavior? And I now understand why I was trapped in patterns of thinking, and I was trapped in patterns

of behavior that I wasn't even aware of. Yeah, there's layers to that, because you become you know, I feel like I've done and I'm sure you've been there too, Like if you've done so much work and so much expansion, and then you get to this place where you're like, yeah, I'm thriving, and then all of a sudden, like you hit a new wall and you're like, WHOA, there's a

new one. I wasn't even aware it was there. There's a there's an old pattern that I didn't even recognize until you know, eight ten years into digging into these patterns. So I think it's a lifelong thing. It's a lifelong thing that we I've learned. I've I've actually learned to enjoy it. It's like, Oh, you know, really, what's your secret? Like I'm waiting for things to be easy and fun. I don't I don't know how you're enjoying well, easy

and fun. Um. I guess maybe I'm putting the ease and the fun into the expansion and the dig getting, you know, the all of this stuff that I'm learning. For me, it's like, I think, why I enjoy? So what do you what are you constantly? What are you grappling with right now? And you're what do you mean is there a pattern of behavior? Like? What is the place where, whether you like it or not, life is trying to quote expand who you are or your consciousness?

What is the experience that's testing you. Oh that's a good question. I think one of the biggest things for me. And I think maybe you can relate to this because of going, like you're saying, digging our own graves in a way of falling into them, digging our way back out of them. Um, you know, for me being in the public eye for so long, it's been it's been a challenge to remain open hearted and fully in the world when all I want to do is protect myself.

I mean, just even starting this podcast took me so much us to be like, I'm going to I'm going to step fully into this other new place in my life and suck at it possibly and whatever it may be,

but I'm going to try something new. And that's why I love I've loved seeing you try new things, and you try new things all the time on you know, on Instagram and share them with everyone, and it's that's where I've come to this place in my life where I'm I used to not want to try anything new because I thought I was going to fail at it

and there would be the whole world watching. And now I've I'm really kind of stepping into this new place of of trying new things and it's but keeping my heart open in the process and not closing down is really my where my rub is currently. I would imagine, um, you know, just just to share a little bit when we were getting ready to you know, do this interview with you, I of course I am a professional stalker.

So I start by googling, you know, like, why would you ever show up to an interview not prepared, not knowing who you're talking to or what their audiences. That's just pure laziness. And I had no idea about the controversy related to cheating and your marriage, no idea, And I share that with you because Number One, I can't

even imagine what it must be like. Two have so much of your life talked about in the public eye, and I think for those of us that don't have the kind of celebrity or the reach that you have, it must feel like every day of your life you're walking back into the high school gymnasium, and even though you're forty years old, the ship that people were saying back in high school is what's kind of brought up all the time. And so I want to know how

do you deal with that? Because I applaud the fact that you're now putting you're putting yourself out there and you're owning kind of what happens next, Right, that's the best way to deal with what people are saying. Right, Yeah, I'm creating what happens, and it's how I deal with it.

And maybe I mean because you're you're in that space too where people know you you you are, Yeah, You've you've become this like household name through your books and because you are so relatable, I think people really it's something that I think it's something that happened to me too, because I grew up in the public eye. People think they really know you, like you're their friends, sister, they're part of their family, and so they have a lot

to say. Um, and so you know, for me, I have realized that everybody can only see through the lens in which they view life through. And that used to be like that used to be this kind of philosophical like the idea more so than it used to be embodied for me. And now I've I've really come to understand that we all are responsible for the lens in

which we've be life through. And so when people when you say, I'm still walking back into that gym, you know, and I and people are still having the same conversations about me, Well, I'm sorry you still stuck there. Like that's how I feel about it. It's like because I'm not and I'm far gone and like you're you know, I'm creating I'm creating my story from here on out that yeah, that was a part of my story. Yeah,

I'm I do own it fully. And when you take ownership of those pieces of yourself, um, you get to rewrite your story from that moment on. And that's what you know. That's what I find so beautiful about you is that you have you have owned all these pieces of your story, and you also you create art. I think you're great artists because you create art with your With the two books that you've written, the five Second Rule, in the High five Habit, You've you've created art from

these deep vulnerable places in your life. And I think that's what great artists do, Like they learn the lesson and then they can go teach. Um, if you're so lucky to be able to have the platform to do that, and you have taught from these very vulnerable places, and I I wonder, like, have you ever thought I shouldn't have shared that, or like this is too vulnerable? Is there ever? Is there ever a rub anywhere for you in any part of your life? Never? Uh not with

my life. But there is one uh line that I draw and I learned this the hard way, and that is I don't share anything related to my kids unless I have their permission. And there is so much amazing ship that goes on in our family that would be

just incredible stories and relatable crap. And I would love to just in real time, get on with my twenty three and twenty one year old daughters and hash out all the ship going out with their friends and the boyfriends and the hookups and this and that or my son and he's like, I would love that, but that is not what they want for their lives. And I know that even if I were to disguise the story,

it gets back and then impacts them. And so that's the only area I hope at some point there's a shift there, because I feel like there's our family is extraordinarily open with one another, and I think that it's one of the things that I have done extremely well, and that is I've really focused on doing my best to not grip my children with a death vice and try to make them into what I want them to be.

I have tried very hard to resist that urge and to take a step back and to um really try to help them figure out and become who they're meant to become, and The one time it really really is hard is when one of our kids has an anxiety spike. It is so triggering that I just want to swoop in and fix it. And that's actually the worst thing that you could do as a parent. Yeah, I mean, man, as a parent, thank you. You know, as a I

wish all parents could be that way. And you know, my parents were challenged in that way of you know, really wanting me to be something very specific. And to hear you say that, I know my husband. I have two stepson's and my husband is so great and that

way with with his kids. Um, they are very very different than him, and it's wonderful to see him support them in becoming their own individual human And you know, as as a step mom, it's uh yeah, it's it's been a ride to to not push your ideas and your views and and and just support them in their own like unique individuality. So yeah, thank you, thanks for doing that. As a parent, it's great to hear. Well,

I wasn't always like that. In two thousand and eight, my kids have memories of me of coming downstairs at the ages of Okay, so two thousand now I'm gonna have to do math in real time, which is gonna

be really and so they're like nine and seven. My daughters remember coming down into the kitchen and Mom is passed out from drinking herself into a coma the night before, asleep in the chair in the living room, and so they unfortunately, they remember the arguments that my husband and I used to have about money as his business was failing and the leans around the house and we were, you know, in a state of massive financial crisis, eight hundred brand in dead, about to lose the house, and

so it took a lot of work to get there. My daughters also have therapists, so they get to work their ship out about me with I mean, I think it's important. I think everybody in your family needs a therapist. If you're so lucky to be able to have one. To me, that is that's absolutely amazing. Well, I want to get into your high five Habit book. Um, I find this book genius because it's simple and it's poignant, and I I loved listening to your audiobook because I

felt like I was listening to a friend. And so I want if you can just break into what is the high five habit and how what point in your life, because, like I said, you created these books from from deep vulnerable points in your life. What point in your life kind of made you discover what this high five habit is? So the high five habit is like at on its face, super simple. Um, I'm on a mission to get every man, woman, child to add a high five in the mirror to

the morning routine. And you're going to find out exactly why. Right after this super quick break welcome back everyone, Mel was just explaining why adding a simple high five to your morning routine can have an amazing impact on your life. And I discovered this by mistake in April. And the backdrop doesn't even matter. I just was having a moment in life where life felt extraordinarily overwhelming and I felt beaten down and lost and overwhelmed by the demands of

my life. And one morning I found myself in the bathroom and I was doing my normal morning routine, which was picking myself apart as I brushed my teeth, and for whatever reason, I think it was divine intervention, I literally put my toothbrush down in a moment of sort of just I guess I felt bad for the woman I saw in the mirror because she looked scared and sad and tired and beaten down. And I just raised my hand as cheesy as it sounds, and high fived

myself in the mirror. And that was it, Like that was all that happened. And you know, I'm really thankful about the fact that in that moment, I felt something shift. It wasn't a big thing, it wasn't like life fucking altering. In that moment, I just felt this little energy shift. And if you pay attention and you develop a skill of being present to the energy and your body, you can tell when you're on edge. You can tell when you're sort of neutral and grounded in your body. You

can tell when you're excited and energized. Your energy in your nervous system does not lie. And what happened when I high five myself. The first thing that I noticed is I noticed that I went from uh kind of dreading and feeling overwhelmed to a little switch of feeling Okay, knock it off, mel you got a roof over your head. Stop sucking bitching, get out there and deal with your stuff. Like just sort of like the kind of energy that

I needed in that moment. And so the next morning, I did it again, and I did it again, and I started to notice bigger things. I started to notice that I was looking forward to it. I started to notice that my mood was shifting. I started to notice that I was feeling a little bit more optimistic, a

little bit more energized. And you know, there's a lot of big ship happening that was very overwhelming, and yet this tiny little habit of just high fiving the mirror, sending myself into the day with this little kind of high five in the mirror to the woman that I was staring back at. It was changing the way that I saw myself. It was changing the way that I felt about my day. It was so hard to describe just how profound it was. And then one morning, I

literally just snap a photo. I stick it on Instagram, on my stories. I don't even say, hey, guys, try this. I literally, I've got my retainer in for God's sakes. Like, if I had known that was going to be the photo, I'm vain enough that I probably would have picked a different one. And within an hour, a hundred people from around the world had posted photos of them high fiving themselves back. And I'm like, oh, whoa, Okay, wait a minute, and then the story started to roll in. And so

this is what my thing is. I love making a difference in the lives of real people. And I think most of us are silently struggling, whether we feel lonely, or we feel lost, or we feel disconnected, or we feel scared, or we're just languishing the sense that you've got the law and you can't quite put your finger on it. And what I started to here in people's stories that were coming in is that there was this overwhelming sense for people. And I don't know if it's

the pandemic. I don't know if it's just modern life. I don't know if it's just that these are the kinds of folks that follow me online. But I think it's very universal to just feel lost right now, you know, especially two years into this unprecedented pandemic where everybody's nervous system has been flipped into a state of fight or flight. There is no way, unless you are a Buddhist monk,

that you are relaxed right now. You're not even aware that the way that a fridge that needs to get serviced is humming in the background, that your nervous system is bracing. It's bracing for news that flights are canceled or the kids aren't going back, or that your sister in law now has it, or that it's going to be another fucking variant like something we have lived through so much, unlike sustained uncertainty, that everybody's nervous system is

now flipped into on edge mode. And we're not built to live like this. We are built to flip between being on edge and being at rest and being uh,

you know, anxious versus being calm and confident. And so I took on a year and a half long research project with the millions of people that follow me, and what we can conclusively say is that if you add a high five to your morning routine, it will take you less than five days to have a neurological, chemical, and physiological change in your body that boost your confidence, that boost your mood, that gives you a little bit more energy, and most importantly helps you reconnect and build

a partnership with yourself. Wow, that's really profound. Five days. I mean, I don't know, there's not many pills that can say I can help you in five is I mean, what I'll happy help you in like two hours. Have you actually have you tried that? Have you actually tried I haven't tried an academy. I have not tried ketamine therapy. But my my husband and I have done guided m d m A therapy, both of us for childhood trauma. And it has been absolutely the most profound thing I've

ever done. Um. I once heard somebody say, and I can't remember who it is that you know, trauma gets stored in your nervous system, your body, and your brain. Remember the traumatic experience, whether the trauma trauma can be positive or negative. But most of us, you know, talk about the negative traumatic experiences, but the negative traumatic experiences

are recorded in your nervous system. And I once heard somebody say, if you didn't talk yourself into the trauma, you will not be able to talk yourself out of it. That you need a corresponding physical interruption to smooth out

the disruption that was caused by that event. And so what m d m A did for me and for my husband, because it suppresses the amygdala, so that when you take it, especially in that setting with a therapist guiding you and with a particular intention and a protocol from maps is that it suppresses the amygdala, so you

don't have a terrifying fear response to it. You can open up your heart and revisit experiences and not have that like high nervous system response, so that you can again smooth out your nervous system in relation to the memory. You can give your brain a chance to slot the memories back into the proper long term memory place. And

it is game changing. That's amazing. Let's get to hear because I've actually been thinking about you mentioned kedemy and I've done some research and ketamine and m DMA and different different therapies UM, and I've loved me. I would do a long The one thing I don't want to do is ayahuasca because I'm not with a bunch of strangers. I don't need to to have an hallucinogenic thing with terrifying frogs and monkeys. I feel realize that, oh I can get myself through anything. That's the big thing I

got out of this. I feel you're so hard on that one. I Well, what I find really interesting about the High five is that you know we are very um, we're very literate in this language of judgment in our head, right and so, and we're not very literate in the language of compassion self compassion, and I think we were when we try to talk to people and ourselves about the self compassion piece, it's like, well, how do I begin? How do I start? And how do I start to

have this conversation and change the script? And the great thing about the High five is like, for me, when I listen to you talk, it's like, Oh, that's that's the thing that starts to change the script and then we can go from there. But you're right, you have to have a different experience um in place of of the negative. You can't just start I found you can't just dive into like oh I'm gonna be now compassionate

to myself. There has to be this physical process. And that's what I love about this High five is like it's so simple and it starts a different conversation. Yeah, like the power in it and there's there's a tremendous amount of um. You know, we've we've simplified it. So it's still entertaining research in the book. But I think the thing that makes sense at a common sense level is for most of us, we have been so horrible to ourselves for decades, like you're resting. Default is to say, oh,

you fucked up, Oh you did that wrong. Oh you're not as pretty as Oh you're never gonna amount to. Oh your next book won't be this, Oh that you screwed that up. Oh this person hates you like you're just You don't even realize how relentless the beat down is. There's this cognitive distidance because you're so used to hearing it.

It's almost like, you know, if you really stop and think about it, it's either your mother or your father or some other caregiver's voice, or there was a traumatic experience that locked some type of criticism into your mind. And brains are designed to learn patterns, and so you know you didn't mean to, but you just adopted the same way your mom was hard on yourself, you're now hard on you, the same way your dad was hard on you. You're now hard on you. It's what's familiar,

so you keep repeating it. And when you repeat it so much, you don't even realize, Like, I had no idea how hard I was myself, Like I here I am, you know, I've I've I've reinvented myself. I've clawed my way out of the first hole. I have built a business. I've paid back the eight d grand in debt, I've gotten the lanes off the house. I have, you know, helped millions of people. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a person who I hated. I saw all the things that I had done wrong in my life.

I saw all the things that I wasn't doing, and I saw the major gap between me and the people that I, at the time thought were better than me. And that's what I focused on. You know, I once I recently had a friend say, you're the most successful person I know who's just as miserable as she is successful because you you have been so hard on yourself.

And he was right. He was right. And and it isn't until this, this simple habit of raising your hand and high fiving yourself that it kind of broke everything open. And you know, here's why this works. You already said it,

you're a genius. It's because it's a physical action. Your brain and your eyeballs are watching you high five yourself, and so you are demonstrating, through the action of high fiving your own reflection that you believe in yourself, that you forgive yourself, that you're going to try your best today, and that no matter what, you have your own back.

So even on your worst mornings, even on those mornings where you wake up and you've drank a bottle of wine last night and you didn't do what you said you were gonna do, and you blew off the gym and you're already bitched at your kids, if you can high five yourself, it's not a congratulation for screwing up. It's a I see you, yesterday was hard, Today is going to be better. And so it's a it's a demonstration of kind, nous, of compassion, of support, and that

is a skill that we all need to develop. And you know, by god, I just happened to figure out a little hack that you can add to your morning routine that will help you build that skill. Well, I mean it's a yes, it's a little hack, but there's can you go into the science a little bit on why?

And like, I also found it so interesting how you know this is a high five is something that we've been giving each other forever, like since we can remember, and like and how that's already programmed into us and what it means. Can you just dive into that a little bit because I found it cool. This is really cool. Um. Like, the first thing that's really cool is that we're not

really teaching you anything new. When you add a high five to your morning routine, we're unlocking programming that's in your brain associated with supporting other people, and we're just going to aim it back at you to override decades of self criticism and self hay dred. And so when you give somebody a high five, Land, what does it mean when you go and high five somebody? Great job, like you're kicking ass, you know, yeah, I see you? Yeah this together? Yeah. Have you ever high fived anybody

and thought you hate you? Yes? No, No, You've never high five somebody and said I hope you lose. May the next article they write about you be terrible. You know, like it's just like you just it's not even possible for your brain to think something negative because the wiring with the physical action is a thousand percent positive. And this is true for absolutely everybody, and so it's it's

that's one reason why it works. The other reason why this works is because your brain doesn't know the difference between you high fiving me or you Land high fiving Land's reflection in the mirror. So your brain automatically not only grabs the positive programming, but it also gives you a drip of dopamine, which boost your mood, and it also triggers your nervous system to give you a jolt

of celebratory energy. And that's why when you high five yourself in the mirror, you'll either laugh or your smile. And it's also why, even though it feels kind of stupid and corny, you can't deny the fact that your mood has changed from when you stepped in the bathroom too when you leave the bathroom because of the damn high five. And it's what it's doing physiologically. And on that note, we're going to cut away for a super quick break, but we'll be right back with more. Mel Robbins,

Welcome back. Mel and I were just talking about the powerful impact the simple act of high fiving your reflection can have. I've found when I when I started doing this myself, I've found that at the beginning, there was there was a real sense of vulnerability of looking myself in the eye and I'll cry not thinking about it. There was like there were there was sadness and tears. And because I think at first for me at least, because I think that it's I recognized how little I

actually look at myself in the mirror. I don't know for me like i've I've avoided mirrors. I don't even like mirrors half the time. I think probably a lot of people can relate to that because when I look at myself, what comes up is I'm gonna judge like you're saying, what happened to you, I'm gonna judge every single thing about myself. And to look at myself in the mirror with this sense of I see you, I've got you, I love you. Um, the first thing that

brought up for me was just like grief. Yeah, say more about the grief, because this is the universal experience people have. Fifty amount and women, based in our research, cannot or will not look at themselves in the mirror because they are Yeah, they're either sad about where they are or disgusted by where they are, or feel ashamed and haven't forgived themselves. There's so much shame there, I think for a lot of people, and the grief for me is that there's a lot of grief around spending

almost four decades of my life. I mean, I wouldn't say it's been that long now, because I've last several years have been about showing up for myself in these new ways, um, but about spending decades where I have looked, I've avoided the mirror, you know, and to be able to finally come and experience myself in an new ay with compassion and love, there's grief for all those years that I wasn't able to do that. That is the most beautiful explanation of why this is such a profound

thing to add to your morning routine. I had the exact same experience. The reason why I did so many things that I regretted is because I didn't feel seen or heard or loved. The reason why I cheated in my best was because I didn't feel those things in

my relationship. And what I've come to learn as a fifty three year old woman is that I also did not feel those things for myself, and so I was constantly seeking either away to themb the pain, or I was seeking a new relationship that would make me feel seen and heard and validated. But what I was really

dealing with was a deep sense of emptiness inside. And what's happened by being able to stand and look at myself in the mirror, something I couldn't do for decades either because of all the regret is I don't even see my face anymore. I just see a human being who I care about and who I am cheering and rooting for. I see a woman who's trying her best. And that's what has allowed me to finally forgive myself for the things that I did that I used to say I wish I could change. If I could do anything,

i'd take away the pain that I caused. But I wouldn't change the things that I did because I needed those things to actually find my way here. I agree with you, and I I know I've I've said in the past, Um, what is coming up for you? No, I'm crying. I'm crying right now. I know. I know. Um yeah, No, I I think it's beautiful, Like it's there's a lot of a lot of grace that I feel that is coming up in this conversation and that I'm learning how to give myself. And um, yeah, I'm so.

I'm like I'm hormonal today, but it is. It's not just oh my god, I'm going to break the mood here. My I literally have been menopausal for two years, have not had my period. My fucking daughters have been home. Oh that will do it. I just got my period. I was like, are you kidding me? I'm around two twenty year olds. For two years I have had nothing, and now it's time I've got my camp once again.

Go ahead. No, I was gonna say, I'm I'm in the middle of ovdulating right now, and I'm like, this is what happens to me when I ovulate, And it's like, yeah, it's I learning your cycle and your hormones. This is another place of where I'm learning compassion for myself because it's like I'm I get angry, frustrated and all the things, and I think every woman out there can understand, and it's it's I think what you're seeing is the compassion

that I'm learning to give myself. And it's like, like I said earlier, it's kind of it's been this mental construct and these you know, it's been in my head and it hasn't been I haven't been able to quite drop that into my body. And it's it's now new for me to be able to love myself, and it changes,

it changes everything. And you know, the thing that I um, I was surprised by when I started practicing the skill of being compassionate and kind to myself and forgiving of myself and understanding and being supportive of myself is um how it doesn't like make it arrogant. It just lifts

up your entire experience of life. And you know, I understand the grief too, because it's only when you start to crack this open and practice the opposite of what you have been doing in terms of practicing being kind, practicing being supported, practicing seeing yourself and caring for yourself, you know in a very emotional way that you realize what an asshole you've been and how much pain you've been in and why you've been drinking so much and running so fast and trying to prove to the world

that no, no, no, no, no no no, I'm not like I'm actually a good person when you didn't feel like one. And so being able to align how you want to feel about yourself, which is that I am a good person and I do matter with how you treat and speak to yourself is the ultimate superpower. And you know, being a mom, you know, having daughters, it's been one of the challenges is watching how they speak to themselves, watching how hard they are on themselves. They

clearly picked it up for me from society. Everybody does. And I love that they have the chance two intervene and learn how to treat themselves differently at this age, rather than waiting another three decades, which is how long it took me. Yeah, I mean, I even feel like at thirty nine, I feel like I'm doing pretty good. Like I'm like, I'm I'm doing this pretty young, actually very yeah, And I that's what I love. I think what you're tapping into right now to about the next

generation is hopefully that just happens earlier and earlier. Um. And you know, I'm sure as a mom, that's gonna be incredibly challenging to see what they have picked up from you that now you're shifting for yourself and you're like, wait, wait, wait, don't get too hooked into that pattern. We can shift that. And I'm sure that's got to be incredibly challenging. Yeah, you know, like I I, um, it's hard not to blame everything bad that happens on your kid on some

fault of your own. And I don't think there's any parent on the planet that doesn't do something to traumatize or screw their kids up. So it's really like, I don't it's not possible, because there's a big difference between knowing that you're loved and feeling that you're loved. And a lot of times we do things and we rely on the fact that our kids know that we've love them right, even though we treat them with disrespect or bully them or manipulate them emotionally to do things they

don't want to do. When you start to consider that, it's a whole different ball game. If what you aim to do is to make somebody feel loved, not know that they're loved, but feel loved, you show up differently because people process that differently. You know, if you whether you're talking about love languages or you're just talking about somebody's needs and how they like to express themselves, making somebody feel loved looks very different human by human. Wow,

that is that is super profound. Actually not actually when it is profound, because I just I literally before we got on here, I'm working with this doctor right now. This is absolutely wonderful. And she had me take the love language tests and I've taken it in the past, but it's shifted, and yeah, it's shifts it for me. Mine are now acts of service where I think in the past it used to be more of words of

affirmation and so now mine our acts of service. I joke that it's like, Okay, I'm exhausted more these days, so I really love when people take care of me and do things that I need. Um. But yeah, I know it's it's amazing that you just said that, because that has been at the forefront of my mind this morning, and that shift is yeah, that just blew my mind

right now. I was like, wow, if you could if we could only look at our relationships in that way of and with ourselves of not just not just saying. And this is something that I've been playing with for myself, is you know, showing showing up for myself and you know that that high five is showing up for ourselves

every day. I was listening to something the other day and someone was mentioning Mary Oliver the poet was asked how she showed up to write, how she was able to write all these great poems, and she said, because I kept my appointment, and that helped me so so um deeply, because I'm I've realized the shifts in my life are happening daily now and to a level where it's, um, it's it's a quickening, and it's because I'm keeping my appointment. And that's what I love. You know. With the high five,

it's like, it's such a simple appointment to keep. And if we start there, then what other appointments are we going to keep with ourselves? And that's you know, and not only not only with ourselves but with those we love. You know, it's like, how am I showing up for myself? But then also like how am I keeping my appointment

with those important relationships around me in my life? And you know, when you're saying to make people feel loved, not just not just having them mentally understand that that just kind of and all the things that I've been coming up and flowing through my life, that just yeah, that was perfect. So thanks. I'm sure everybody else got something out of that, but I don't care. I just got something. Will also make sure make sure that you

answer the question what makes you feel loved? Yes, because other people can't read your mind in your body language, and you're nervous, and so it's only through asking my husband, my kids, my you know, colleagues, my friends, what makes you feel supported or loved? All Right, my friends, that's where we're gonna wrap part one of my wonderful conversation

with the very wise Mel Robbins. Be sure to tune into the second half, where we'll more deeply dive into showing up in relationships for ourselves and the polarizing role of medication within the self help space. It's a fascinating discussion and I know you'll take away time of tools from it, so I'll see then. In the meantime, please share this episode with anyone in your life who might benefit from its message, and be sure to leave me a comment or rating wherever you're listening. I love getting

your feedback. Until we connect on the next Holy Human take care of one another. Bye. Holy Human with Me Leanne Rhymes is a production of I Heart Radio. You'll find Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes on the I Heart app, Apple podcast or wherever you get the podcast that matter most to you.