Kyle Cease on Linking Laughter with Personal Transformation

Holy Human. Yeattract a welcome to the whole a Human podcasts. And we and I've been in each other's lives, but not really known each other until like last Friday. I think actually in person. You were in Ten Things I Hate About You, which my ex boyfriend was in so like years ago? How I mean, how long ago? Is that? Not twenties something years ago? It was came out in March of nine against Commune Tricks. Oh really perfect timing. Uh. And then now you're my neighbor. Basically I know, I'm

so you know, I know. We also did Lewis's events like back to back, and you know, and i've I've I've seen you. It sounds stock or ish, but I just happened to see you four or five times at different stores or restaurants around town. Yeah well, just like oh LeAnn Rhymes lives around here. Yeah yeah. Well, I'm glad that you are now in my life. And it kind of came about because I stumbled upon your very first book that you wrote, I Hope I Screw This Up.

And when I started listening to it, it was so beautiful to hear another performer be so vulnerable about their fears. And when I started this podcast, that was my very first episode was about that. That's how I opened up. I was like, I'm scared shitless of doing this. I don't like the way I sound, I don't like listening to myself. I feel stupid, like all the things, all

the all the things that come up. And when when I was listening to the audiobook of I Hope I Screw This Up and you opened that way, I was like, I have to get to know him because that vulnerability is so so powerful. In fact, I mean, I text you this morning I was like, I'm feeling really really raw and vulnerable right now, and I just wanted you to know because I appreciate people who I can be that vulnerable with and I I appreciate that vulnerability being

put out into the world. Well, well let me ask you this actually, Well, first of all, thank you for the kind words. And I will just say on that note, we have something in us that thinks you have to do it right before you do anything, and for for some reason we forget as a child, you you needed a million attempts to learn to walk and you had to fall over constantly. And yeah, the basis if I hope I screwed this up is it was written by someone who, as a child, was told like I had.

I had terrible comprehension, Like I was so bored actually just reading the two paragraph thing like a bear goes to the store. And then when it's like, now, why did the bar goes to store, I'm like, I don't care. I really just didn't care. But I you know, I didn't have amazing grammar and I didn't know how, you know. And if you said to that kid, like you're going to write a book, I'd be like, I don't know how to do it. And then and then your ego goes there's all these ways that I need to do

it right. And I thought, what if I just start writing exactly what I'm feeling. So so the first like eight chapters of the book army struggling and falling apart about the fact, like the book starts out with me actually horrified that I'm writing a book. And it literally the first like whatever eighty pages are me not wanting to write it, Army freaking out, Army saying I don't know how to do this, and you just see these

kind of really comedic deflections. And but the point of the book is if you stay in the room while you're in that pain, stuff starts to work itself out. In fact, I would say I'm really more and more comfortable in places where I'm brand new, Like I just started jiu jitsu and I'm I'm terrible at it. I'm totally a white belt and I've done like eighteen nineteen classes and you know, I'm in choke holds and everything.

But what I love about it is that I have so much to learn, and there's so much um falling over and so much not being an expert in this area, and there's it's like a different human gets to exist, a child and me, a lostness gets to exist. And so the book after like the eighty pages starts to write itself. It's almost like I start to get out of the way once I have been through that willingness to do it wrong, and all of a sudden, the book starts writing itself, and it and it gets better

and better and better as you keep going. So at first it's this catastrophe and then it gets better. Then I realized that's life. Like if you just okay, like you're going to feel less and less nervous with every podcast, right and because you're just it's just becoming a part of you now to do this well. I feel like they're starting not to interrupt you, but I feel like it's the avoidance for me at least, and I think for a lot of people it's the avoidance of shame.

We won't let ourselves try the new thing because we're trying to avoid being shamed. And for me also, there is trying to hold up being Lean Rhymes for so long and feeling like I have to only do the things that Lean Rhymes is good at because it's also a safe it's a safety mechanism. My livelihood, my money, like everything is tied to that. So it's like I'm trying to not only avoid shame, but keep myself safe.

And at some point, like you're saying, we forget as kids, how many times do we have to fall before we walked? And we lose the curiosity at some point and instead trade it for safety or the illusion of safety. Well, how crazy is this. You're not actually avoiding shame from the outside. You're actually containing shame through the addictive desire for perfectionism and keeping the story of Leon Rhymes going, those things going can help you avoid the release of

the shame that exists in the body. And so imagine that, like everything outside, all the things we want to do and get right, and all the actions were trying to take and all the figuring out, and even in the self help community, I gotta figure this out, I gotta do this. All of these things are are ways of avoiding what's trying to just come up and out, like there's in your body right now, Like keeping the right relationship going, keeping the job. All of these things are

us grabbing something. And if we just lost that, you'd have to actually be with a feeling of uncertainty, a loneness, unloved loss. You'd have to be in fear, you'd have to be you would have to become a space that would make that feeling okay. And so imagine like we're like grabbing onto everything, because if I have some tangible vision of the future or an action step or figuring out, then basically imagine that the old story that of Leanne Rhymes in the successful um way that we know you.

Imagine like if that collapses, then what comes out is like something that was buried in the body. Imagine we're keeping that story to not release something that's in the body. And imagine, of course you're still Leanne Rhymes and you'll still be singing incredibly at It's not even that anything from the past would actually fall, but our attachment to it would, right, And so if we just let it fall for a second, right, and we're just here, then

what happens is there's an inner child. There's a you that's sitting here that's finally being seen. So imagine you have an inner child, and in fact make it another kid. If I make it my I have a four year old daughter. Imagine if she's saying I feel unloved, and imagine when she says I feel unloved, if I turn away from her and go well, let's find someone to love you, and let's get the neighbors to like you. Let's put on makeup so they'll think that you're amazing

and then like you. What she needs is me to like her. What she needs is me to say I hear you, and she almost needs me to say, you're allowed to feel unloved. Here. Imagine if I just was like, you're allowed to So if I say to the pain in my body, this is like a thing I spent the last year and a half doing. You're allowed to feel shame in my body. You're allowed to feel unloved. And and the space that I became was like I became the parent for the shame that's in the body.

So when you were saying you're feeling vulnerable this morning, like what would you see say the feeling was that was coming up? Like what was the Oh? So I was just I was terrified for a moment. And something I've learned from your book was I'm scared and I love you. I love this, I love this feeling and in which and I did use it this morning. I was like, I'm scared and I love this, like and it did. It did shift something in me because I

also knew because of my fear. It's because I care. Yes, there's a shadow piece of that, of the perfection, and I want to be good at it and all the things, But ultimately it's because I care, and it's because I'll start crying. It's because I want people to listen to this and and received something that shifts them, that changes something for them, that that makes it not even that just just that makes an impact, and that's really what

it's about. And so when I started to get into that piece for myself, it was like, oh I trust now, yes, Well, here's the ironic twist. Is this type of fall apart that lets go of how perfectly you do this so that other people get the lesson ends up doing even better, Like do you falling apart in your vulnerability is like the it's like you're letting go of the hold on to how you see that this podcast will go for them.

And one thing that your inner child could use is the letting go of the results for other people for a second, Like imagine imagine releasing the how it looks, how it goes, and instead we just trust that the authentic you that's unfolding here, that's here right, now is enough and is even more remission. Would we rather you turn from a caterpillar to a butterfly on the podcast,

or would we rather that and a caterpillar energy? Is I got to get everyone else to shift right right, or there's a lot of us that are moving into our butterfly that that won't fly until all the caterpillars we know fly too. And and that's the last ditch addiction of the butterfly. It's like, if I'm hanging with caterpillar energy, I have to stay walking and not fly.

And like I think the greatest shift, like my events are called evolving out loud because it's literally just me evolving and and the byproduct is the people can take what they want with it. But I'm not I'm not caught on alright, I try to not be. Of course I am somewhat, but I less and less I'm caught on what the results are, how well it goes, because I'd rather shift me and let the energy of that shifted me go into the work, then have a half me,

half what the audience thinks of me. Right, yeah, no, that makes complete sense. And I know that that's been shifting for me to like I've been getting up in the morning, and I think the last thing that I've started to really focus on or connect with has been my body. And I get up every morning and I have this routine of moving my lymphatic system and like

just kind of getting more into my body. It takes about, you know, the half an ourt of forty five minutes, and it's it's just been something that I've really loved. And it usually when I've been focusing on my body, it's been because of external reasons because once again, I want to avoid shame. I want to avoid you know,

I have to have to look good. And because I've had this new kind of relationship with my body went after when I go to work out, my workout has been because I want to move my body like it feels good to move, instead of being externally focused of what will this get me? What I'm starting to get from it has been even I've been working on working with my voice also, which is a new thing for me. I feel like I got to go out of practice

being you know, not being on the road. And what I'm starting to realize is that I'm wanting to do the thing for these things for me because I want to feel good and also see how great I can be for me. And I think that's a huge, huge shift because we're constantly thinking like, what is this going to get me externally instead of how is this going to make me feel? And because I think for me, the biggest shift right now has been my own sense of self worth. And until I've started to shift that,

I wasn't able to do anything for me. So what if right now, part of this crazy time and beyond is actually like, instead of looking at it from what the government's doing or politically or whatever, we look at

it from the universe's perspective. I love to see this from the universe's perspective because what I see, what you just said, the part of you, like that's the image, the part of you that that worked out so that you aren't shamed or so that you look good, or you're just doing it to not lose something, right, You're really doing it to not lose something, not lose approval or fans or you know, not be getting crap from

tabloids or whatever. Right what if that whole world for all of us and as as humanity is being pulled from us right now? What if under what we're scared to lose is the childhood trauma that created the need for those things in the first place, Right, Like, for me, there were times where I didn't feel safe as a child, and um, I noticed one of the greatest ways I could bond with my father was through comedy, and I naturally became a stand up comedian at a young age

and it was a total thing for me. But what if comedy was also a way to like be seen by my parents? Like what if? What if? And it's like, I'm scared to know who I am if I'm not seen. So what if I had a crazy comedy career and and did like thirty years of performing as a way to not have to face the part of me that feels abandoned? Right? And what if now God's going in and just grabbing that abandoned trauma and pulling it out

of me and all of us. Right, It's just like I'm going to make you face your deepest trauma of of abandonment, of loss or whatever. And then inevitably on the other side of this, and I believe that that stuff is falling off really rapidly now, off of all

of us. What if on the other side of that is the actual you that you've never met but you actually are, meaning like, the you that doesn't have to carry the image of lean rhymes, the you that doesn't have to carry how you look is working out because you want to move your body and you're actually truly making your connection to your body number one. Ironically, as a byproduct, more people connect to you because that's permission for them to do it versus that you're an incredible inger.

It's like the you that's actually here right now. All of us are going through this right now, all of us are losing every identifiable thing that we thought we were because in you could have enough of a job or a decent enough relationship to not have to look at your crap. But then broke all of our patterns and it was like we have to like get present

with us. And then now you can't even go to a restaurant in some places, you can't travel, you can't right, So now you're faced with you, right, and so we're it's like God's giving us like a two year time out where we all have to like meditate and you can't even say what you feel at a store because you have a muzzle on now and like what's on the other side of that is you, and there's a you,

and it's hard. You know when people say it's hard to leave a situation that's in lack, like if you grew up in a really bad area, that's hard to leave, you know, that's a hard thing to grow up with. I have to say, I think leaving an abundant circumstance

is also crazy hard. Like you, you're letting go of a world where you've got so much love for and and so much attention and so much in a way of protection from those traumas by being a household named star and in a way, we're going to give up the attachment to that, which just got to be so hard because you're in like the best of the cages. Do you get what I mean? Like, oh, for sure, Yeah, it's the best possible cage, best possible scenario, cage leather,

it's it's gold plated, it's not you know. Well, that's what amazed me about your story and why I related to it so much, was that you know, here you are as a comedian at the top of your game, and then you're like, I'm I'm done, Like I'm not going to go out and chase that anymore and and perform, and what craziness got into you? And that's the thing. That's what a lot of people would think. Well, you men, were you meditating at the time, like, did you have

a spiritual experience? Okay, okay, I want to tell you that story. Yes, please, Well it was. It's a combination of things. There was. There was a combination of reasons that I left stand up and I did. I had two Comedy Central specials, I had I toured over a thousand colleges, I had headlined almost every comedy club in the country, and I had a major you know, I had teen movies. I had all this different career and I was doing really big rooms and successful as a

stand up comic. And at one point I had a shift? Did it? I'll just tell you the quick version of it that basically, I was full of anxiety and I got a Tony Robbin's book and started learning motivation. And this was the first shift. This was the first. That's not the big shift that happened after. But I went from basically, you know, suicidal anxiety to number one Comedy Central special just by changing my thinking that how can

I have number one. And then I had the second part of me that was very excited to show everyone else this. And I went through this first shift and was like, I wanted to motivate everybody. So I started teaching aspiring stand up comedians that they could do this too, And so I got really driven, and I hired some you know, and brought in different famous headliners to come speak to aspiring young comics, and Louis Anderson the comedian, partnered with me, and I would hear through the grape

vine here I was this crazy. I was like, all of a sudden along with stand up doing this kind of Tony Robbins in the comedy saying I'm teaching people motivation and stuff. And I forgot that overall a lot of comedians are primarily cynical, like they're and so here I am in this positive state saying you can do anything. And I would hear through the grapevine that peers of

mine that we're different headlining comics. We're saying Kyle's gone off the deep end, he's crazy and stuff like that, and he's just like he must be a cult leader now, or he's a science ecologist, or he's whatever, and it really hurt, and I noticed there was a part of me that it hurt. On that note, we are going to take a super quick break, but we'll be right back to break down what paying close attention to those

emotional triggers can teach you. Welcome Back loves Kyle was just sharing a story about how powerfully other people's perceptions of you can impact your own sense of self. One day, I was sitting with Louie Anderson at breakfast and I said, I really want to get over what people think about me. And what's great is I didn't say I want to

change what people think about me. I said I want to get over it, right like I and and so I then went to my hotel and there was a car that was going to take me to the airport. And I get an email and it says, hey, you con man. I read with this comic wrote a blow about you, and a comic that I didn't know that was pretty well known, had to, you know, very very

dark energy that I'm not judging. I'm just saying he's he's known for constantly drinking and different things like that, um and and kind of calling bullshit like a darker George Carlin kind of vibe. He wrote this blog about me and uh spelled out how I must be scamming people for money, how I must be sleeping with Louie, how I must be like you know, it was crazy, and it was also very funny, and it really articulated

a lot of points that weren't right. But he did it really well and sold why I am a terrible person and on it well, definitely. I mean, there was a part of me that what was crazy was and so right after we posted it, all these comics retweeted it right and I had just said, this is what was amazing about it. I had just said to Louie, I want to get over what people think about me. And then the universe was like, well, let's make it so it's so unavoidable that it's like you have to

release full control of what people think about you. So I knew enough to know that I'm about to learn something that I didn't know that I need to know. Like I had, I had enough in me to go

there's a whole new thing trying to happen. And I told the car that was going to take me to the airport to go without me, and I decided to sit in the hotel for six days, and for the first four days, all I was doing was constantly coming up with how I could disprove them by having another number one special, or how I could prove them wrong with more success. It was almost like my ego was like, well,

I'll get more success. That's the only way to transcend this, right, And there was a higher me though, that was just staying in the room and letting it just fight and go crazy. And by day four I had this moment where I noticed that my mind was just coming up with solution after solution, and I was just sitting on the bed, and I realized, I've been saving my life while I'm just sitting on the bed like I'm just

I'm always fine. And my my ego was coming up with we'll do this because of this emergency, and we'll do this, and I'm just I'm here fine. And this was the first moment that I noticed my thoughts were going crazy and I was just sitting safe on a bed and I wasn't my thoughts and all of a sudden, all of my past, all of my accomplishments, all of my pain from the past, all of my story everything I've ever been just died, and I just felt this complete freedom. I just remember staring at the wall for

like five hours I had. It was better than any accomplishment I'd ever had. It was better than booking a movie. It was better than anything. I was just present and time was different in this time, like it was five hours, but it was instantly. I was just like there and there was no There was no what do I do? There wasn't one ounce of a thought. It was it was just now, now what you were you meditating during this time? Or was it just like you were just sitting there like I mean, I guess I could be

the same thing. I mean, I meditate. It can be the same thing. Definitely. There's times where I consciously meditate, where I choose to sit with my eyes closed. But I think that I do think that being alone in a situation without technology and letting all that crap come up, it's coming up loudly because it's coming out right, and the louder it's coming up. It's on the verge of dying. It's right there, right, And so I felt this now

presence and there was no Kyle. It was just like the greatest feeling ever, and the next day I remember the sun just like going up and down. There was no time I forgot about food that day. I was just like in bliss. And then day six, I flew home. I tried to get my DVD player to play a movie. That's how old this was. Trying it wouldn't play. I tried to get to play another one. I try to

get to play six movies. Eventually the movie adaptation played and there's a scene where Nicholas Cage says to his brother the line he goes in high school, there's this girl you really liked, and she was talking crap about you, and you you didn't care. And he said, why is that? And the brother said, because whatever she says about me, she can't take away from me how much I love her. And then he said, you are what you love, not

what loves you. And this was the greatest moment for me to hear it, and I I understood that I'm being what they think of me versus what I think about what they think about me. And if you look at us as kids were not nearly as invested in what people will think, Well, we'll just jump up and down, we'll get on a stage, we'll sing, we'll play, we'll just say hi to strangers, because we are what we love. And then society conditions you to be what loves you.

Society says you're not enough unless you, you know, follow this authority in school, by this stuff, you're you know, you're not enough unless you have this product. And and this began the next shift of my life. And in this time, I let go of motivation. I stopped believing in motivation all of a sudden, and I just asked myself to start out by letting go of everything in my life that feels heavy, Like, what's something that feels

more like a pattern or an addiction. So the first thing that I decided to let go of was I said, I'm gonna go ninety days eating only raw vegan food. And I said, if I eat anything cooked or an animal product, I'm going to give away ten thousand dollars. Like that was my leverage. Someone offers me a cookie, It's a ten thousand dollar cookie, right, like, so, so I can't do that. One bite won't hurt me thing,

it will It'll be ten thousand dollars, right. And I thought, when I did this, this was just going to be about getting really healthy, and it was. And none of this is necessarily about being raw vegan specifically. This is about me just going to a higher frequency, and that was the method that was needed at that time to

do that. After thirty days of being fully raw vegan, though, someone walked by me with a hot dog and all I smelled was chemicals and metal, and I noticed that that implied that my taste buds have changed, because thirty days ago, I wouldn't have noticed that, and it would have just been a hot dog and I would have

eaten it. Mhm. I get to day forty five, and on the way there, I just noticed it's so clear to me the way that cooked, fried food or animal products feel in my body are so separate and heavy from me now when they were a part of me. So it felt like I'm like lightning, not only physically but energetically. It's like I'm lifting out of the energy of that. And I felt more and more separated from that food. So I started asking myself at that time,

what else feels heavy? So I was like Facebook does Like at the time, I don't want to be on Facebook. No Facebook, And then I was like dating does, so I said, Okay, for a while, I'm not going to date or or hook up or anything. So in the ninety days, I was like, Okay, all of a sudden, I'm I'm getting nothing but freer time, and I'm all of a sudden seeing myself as someone that can say

no to things, like I'm now bigger than Facebook. I'm now like meaning like my yes to myself is bigger than than Facebook, and or people that I had wanted to date that we're interested suddenly, and now I'm like, I'm able to say no to that. So at one point I was like wanting that, and now I'm able to pass on it, right, And so I kept going, and on around day forty five, I remember thinking to myself,

I gotta go do a comedy club next week. And that was the energy I said it, like I gotta go do a club and I and I was like, oh my god, like I've I now the thing that used to be my dream career is now heavy to me, right. And so I was with a friend Diego, and we were letting go of things together. He was he was filming me, and we were documenting this whole thing, and at one point I looked into the camera and I just decided, if it's heavy, I have to let go

of it. So I said, I'm officially done doing comedy clubs on the road. And right we have this moment on tape. Right when I said that, three auditions went into my phone that second, and I hadn't had an audition in three weeks, and all of a sudden, I had three different ones from different things. And we started

kind of wondering, did I make room for that? Like it sounds like kind of crazy, but it was like there started being this understanding and even if you don't hear this in the magical way, what we started realizing and Diego is the one that said this is when you let go of something heavy, the only reason you're scared is your mind can only measure what you will lose and it can't see what you'll gain. So when you let go of something, there there's a there's a

feeling in your body. You're just seeing the goodbye to the relationship, but you're you're actually making room for you know, eight billion people if you're bisexual and willing to date everybody. So when you're saying goodbye to something, you're I'm gonna lose that job. I'm going to lose the money from that job. Yeah, but you might be making space to

receive on a higher level. So when I said I'm done doing comedy clubs on the road, I remember very well the next week I would have been at a comedy club headlining, but instead I was now home and I had this idea where I was I said, what if we film? I was on an energy frequency where I I was like, what if you combine comedy and transformation? And I remember my ego thinking, I think, the way you want to do what no one's ever done that?

And then my ego and my soul was like, right, no one's ever done it like the way you want to do it. It It would be a unique thing. What if you combine comedy and transformation, you'd have your own field. You could do it all. And this is also when I started realizing the reason you think you can't is the reason you have to write. Like and again, the reason you think you can't is the reason you have so so an example, I would love to live in my highest calling, Kyle, but I have kids, all the

more reason to show them that they can too. Otherwise you're going to teach them to ignore their calling because you're doing it, and then you're actually making them the burden. I'd love to just go write a book, Kyle, and live in my highest but I gotta make money. Maybe you're not making money because you're not writing the damn book I think. I'd love to I'd love to be

in my freedom, but maybe everyone will judge me. All the more reason to do it so they can transcend their own judgment of themselves and follow and understand what they are capable of by you embodying the actual essence of what you are and letting them lose their judgment or let it fizzle out by you not needing their approval in the first place because you followed your highest right. So then so then, Um, I was like, what if I had done a ton of colleges as a stand

up comic. What if I make a video for the bookers of every one of those colleges by name? So Diego came over and we filmed hundreds of videos, like five videos. I'm literally looking to a camera. Hi, this is a message for Diane Johnson at North Idaho University. This is Kyle ce. I spoke at your your comment I did comment at your school, I'd love to do the lecture circuits it right, And I remember a lot of my comedy friends going, what are you doing, Like,

why don't you just headlining a comedy club? You could be making like five grand. Well after I did that, like a ton of colleges said yes, like probably a hundred at a much higher rate, And all of a sudden, like ten tho dollar gigs came in where I go and do one night gig, you know, and it was like all this new money came in once I let

go of the guaranteed money of the five thousand. Right then, I had an agency that had always wanted me to stay a comic and weren't supporting me in the higher transformational version of me, but they still wanted ten percent of all these gigs, and they started feeling heavy to me. And I was very able to justify why I should keep something. You know, they were getting the auditions and I have a rule in my body that if I have to justify keeping something, I have to let go

of it. And sometimes I forget at this, but this is the rule I right. Right, Like, So, I have a daughter who's four, and I've never said, well, she gets good medical so I guess I'll keep being her dad. She you know, she's She's really nice to me that one time, so I'll keep being her father, Like that'd be crazy. I don't justify why I do this for a living. It's my calling, it's what I do. But we all know what it's like to be like that friend treated me like crap, but they got me a

nice dinner once, and I think they're really trying. That's justification. Like I hate this job, but I know I'll get a promotion later. That's justification. That's you going into your mind to explain why you're ignoring your body. You're you actually have to go into your head to explain because in the first two seconds you already know if something

aligns with you and something doesn't right. Well, for the two seconds, no, it comes up with a yeah, but right, all right, We are gonna take a super quick breather, but we'll be right back to further explore the crucial connection between mind and body. Welcome back, friends, Kyle, CeCe and I are breaking down disconnect between your body and

your mind. That's so interesting because that's you talk so much about that about the letting go of what's heavy connecting with our body, and for me, like I said earlier, that's kind of been the last place I've gone, and that is connecting with my body. And when you're disconnected, which a lot of us have been because we've been living up in our heads, it can be very confusing, or at least it has been for me at times. And especially with the trauma that I've had in my

life and a lot of people have. It's like, what it feels heavy because of trauma, and what feels heavy because it's actually heavy? Yeah, please, I would love to hear it. Well. One, so I've actually I made a video about this once. One is if it's truly you're calling, then the heaviness on the way is just it's actually just helped to release that. Right, So it's a calling. There's other things that aren't a calling. You're just sitting here going why do I keep holding onto this? There's

no part of you that goes I want it? And and so your ego justifies keeping stuff that you don't really want. Your soul is always going like like, oh I want to become healthy. Yeah, but I would lose this, right, I would lose getting to eat all this bad food with my friends whatever. So I have a rule too that in my life, the way I follow things is through feeling. I ask if it is an expansive thing, there's a first feeling with everything you do. It expands

you or it contracts you. And with everything there's always a first voice that goes, what if I do this? It's a calling? And then a second voice comes in with why you shouldn't. That's the old story about to die and it's trying to save itself. And I used to use this as a bit, but it's a great example. Like if you're you have this first calling as an opportunity, and then the fear comes in on the second side. If you follow the opportunity, the fear goes away. If

you follow the fear, the opportunity goes away. So you'll have this thing in your body that goes like, what if I left this company right now? By the way, that calling wouldn't have shown up if you weren't ready for it, right Like that moment that you just feel a calling that goes, what if I started this podcast? What if I became vulnerable? What if I opened up your ego didn't want to do the podcast. Your soul does this podcast you're doing right now, your soul wants

to do. The ego goes, no, who we are is only a singer, and we got to stay that thing, and we got to stay the past story. And the soul's going, if you listen to me, we're going to dissolve that identity and still be able to sing and bring even more to the world. Right, So, if you have this calling in you that says, like, what if we left this company right now? That calling is a preview, that's a feeling, that's a preview, and it's telling you

what you will. It's saying, you'll always feel like this if you do this, And then a second voice comes in with why you shouldn't, and it always has the stupidest reason. It's like, yeah, but if we do, we can't go to the cheesecake factory party next weekend. And the first voice can't tell you this because it wants you to move based on feeling and calling versus evidence. But it's like, if you would follow me, you'll own all the cheesecake factories in a month if you want it.

And the second voice was like, yeah, but they have those high lettuce wraps. So if you've ever stayed in a relationship, you don't want to be in because you know eventually the two of you are going to go camping.

You know what I'm talking about. Right, It's like, I hate this person, but we already bought the tent, so I'll hate them for three months and then I'll hate him in the woods and and then Christmas and I'll hate him that and then we'll just keep going and my might and with that agency, I'll just finish this one thing. My justification for keeping the agency was they get me auditions for movies, so they felt out of alignment. They wanted ten percent of the colleges that I was

booking on my own, and they felt heavy. I'd just be giving the money just to keep the auditions going. So that means that I have to let go of them. Does this make sense right? So my body, yeah, So my body said we have to drop them. And I called them up and I was like, I have to let go of these people handle like Tom Hanks and stuff. And they're like, are you crazy? Like why are you letting go of us? And like they were kind of like, no one lets go of us and I was like,

I know, it doesn't make sense. It's a spiritual thing. I have to go, you know. I'm just I'm I'm done working with you. And this is me now following only the feeling. I mean, on paper, this is a terrible decision, but my heart is going follow the feeling. The next day, I get a call from a company called GATE. It stands for Global Alliance of Transformational Entertainers. Jim Carrey and Eckart tole had combined forces and created

an event. Now that sounds like a Kyle C's fantasy that would never actually happen, right Like, those are the most opposing energies, and those are the most two people that I'm It's like on a scale of Jim carry to Eckart totally, how excited are you? Right Like, they're

the most far apart people. And it was almost as if from my perspective, once I let go of of the agency and showed myself I'm even bigger than this huge agency and the auditions and everything, Jim Carrey Neckart Totally are having an event where two thousand people are coming, and they asked me to speak at it, and I go speak at it. And now that I'm not even holding onto the agency, or the approval, or the need for auditions, or the relationships or the Facebook or cooked food.

I've let go of all of those patterns. I felt equal to everyone there. I didn't feel like I'm so lucky to be with them. I felt like, I'm I'm We're all even, I'm with Eckart, Tootle, I'm with Jim Carrey. I went out on stage and I walked out. Jim Carrey, Neckart totally were in the fourth row, and I walked out, and I said, this is really weird because I'm told all the time, I'm what would happen if Jim Carrey and Eckart totally had a baby? And I said that

was one of my favorite parts of your book. I was like that, yeah, it was. And I said, I don't know if you guys are picturing that. I know you're not, because it's a thought and I know you don't have those. And then I said, some of you guys might think that joke's offensive, but it's in the past, so Eckart doesn't even know about it. And the place

like turned into the Apollo like they were screaming. It was awesome and then there were producers in the audience that just came up to me and started offering me things in movies. Like, once I gave up the need for the auditions, all of a sudden, I'm in this

alignment where it just comes to me. Right. So, if you're like, I really need love and I can only feel it for that person through that person, that person is actually in the way of the actual love that you need to feel to make you receptive to a much better relationship. Right. And so this is when I started getting life is not about motivation anymore, because motivation is when I have something, I'll be happy. And the huge shift in my life is it's not when something happens,

I'll be happy. It's when I'm happy things will happen. And by happy, I mean okay with all my emotions, crying out the vulnerability, crying out the shame. I'm actually okay with the me in the moment. This makes me so receptive to the all that isness at the moment. And now I'm safe to receive massive abundance, massive really good relationship, like because I don't care if I have it,

because my worthiness is in my connection with myself. And so then the career blossomed into this crazy giant theater touring thing and a New York Times bestselling book and then another book that is a huge bestseller. And I mean, yeah, so so that the motivation when the motivation isn't from external like what motivates you? Now? I mean maybe that's the wrong word for it, But where does that come from? What drives you? Just? Is it as simple as what

feels good? Your joy? In the last year, what I've started to leave is the belief that a high is the highest. And what I mean by that is, um, we all want a high like I got I booked the role, or I got the movie, I got the person. That's what I call a jackpot high. Like when you're in Vegas and you hit jackpot. Okay, well, that's always followed by a low because it's an energy that that is a high and now you want to get it again. And then that's what creates the people that sit at

the slot machine for twelve hours and never leave Vegas. Right, you're chasing the high. But what if the new high is here? What if instead of how high can I feel my highest excitement is actually how here can I feel? So when I wake up, I just listened to silence, and and this now holds such a better unconditional love than the love we're used to seeking. That's a high love. I want approval from a person so I don't have to feel my trauma. Now I'm falling in love. That's

not love. It's you just think you have finally what you need to not have to feel that trauma of abandonment because you found have the person here my I don't have to feel lonely because this person said they'll never leave me. That's a high. It's very future based. Right and now holds a space of love that's actually unconditional. This space right here doesn't care about your past story. It doesn't care about what you think you are, or what you've done to someone or what someone's done to you.

It doesn't care what's in your bank account. It just loves you. And so more and more, my job is to listen to this now. So when I wake up, I just listen to silence, and I just listen, and sometimes I'll go two hours and I actually am connecting with the real love of my life and then letting the day maneuver around that. And there are so many decisions that I probably would have made before I meditated that I don't after, like meaning like I wake up and go I gotta call this person and this person.

Then I listened to silence for two hours, and I'm like, I don't have to call any of those people. Well, and in that silence you're listening. Well, first off, do

you call that formal meditation? Like when you get up in a sit in silence, is that are you formally meditating or are you just like I know, for me sometimes during this pandemic, one of the things that I would do was just go out and be in nature because a lot of the time I've noticed in meditation when I close my eyes sometimes I can be like I'm almost using it as a way to escape instead of sitting with my eyes open and being than being,

And that sometimes can be more confronting than meditation. Yes, well, what's crazy is you're noticing while you're meditating that you're escaping. So can you be present for the pattern that's escaping? In other words, you just keep staying there And a lot of times we're going I'm escaping. Like a lot of times people say when they meditate, like I go off on a tangent, and then I bring my focus back here and I'm going, what if your mind wants to go on that tangent? What if it needs to

be ok? Like, here's what we do, is that there's a pattern that says I feel shame. Instead of us trying to fix that pattern or even heal that pattern, what if we just let the shame be there? Like what if the escaping is there? What if the alone is there and you actually walk around for half the day feeling shame and not trying to overcome the shame because only the ego wants to overcome the shame, but

by being present with the shame right there. And like, I have had days where I'm just like, I just feel trauma all over the place today, and I'm not going to grab my phone. My most recent subtle addiction I have is to tell other people about it. It's like I need another right, I need another human to like nod at me, to like like help me feel like the thing I feel is justifiable or whatever. But like when I listen to silence, I'm just point blank seeing it, and so I don't need anyone else to

see it. Now a lot of people who have been fully introverted in their life might be repressing a lot of stuff, so extroverting might be a good idea. I've extroverted everything my whole life, so going in eternal is me actually seeing it but not repressing it. It's like just it's like it's all trying to come out, and my only job is to not like put it through the funnel of someone else's opinion. Well, and that's been good enough on your own to validate your own experience,

like believing that you're worth. All I need is my my own validation for my own experience. What I kind of think meditation is for me because there's no saying home, and I'm not doing anything with my hands, and I don't wear a bunch of beadids. And it's fine if you do. But when I listen more and more, what I do is I become a portal that gets bigger and bigger and bigger for my old story to just fall out of. And the more I do it, the more easy it is for it to just fall out.

I'll just have a huge cry. And it's not even like I'm suffering through it anymore. It's just like I'm now more this now, and what we've trained ourselves to do is chase other people's egos versus this space. Like all approval is everyone else's egos, right right, right, You're not even really getting to them, right right, And so you just hope you hit a person who's who their trauma involves hearing someone and becoming a people pleaser, and then you're like, well, they don't even see me, I'm

gonna let them. Like, but you're never getting a person fully in that space unless it's like a few people on the planet, Like you know, you're getting people's egos and you're and often we find people who feel like our parents did as a child, so we can overcome that, right, Like you want to date someone that feels like your opposite sex parents that never saw you, so that that way you can change it so Dad now sees you. I don't know if that makes sense. Oh no, it

makes complete sense. I'm like, I totally get that. I love that. I love the being in the moment piece.

There's there's a I could go as gazillion different places with you, but there's one piece that was so beautiful and I think it's so important for us to understand and we we've been kind of touching upon it, but you have said that in your one of your books that worshiping ourselves is the key to freedom, and I was that was such a beautiful I was like, oh wow, it's so interesting what comes up in me even saying that, because it almost feels I feel guilt and shame and

it's like worshiping myself. And I had loved being triggered by it because I also knew that is the thing, like, that's the thing we've been taught not to do, and it's been so external And when you said that, it just caught my ear because I think I want people to hear that, because it's true, we missed the connection with how beautiful we are. And you said it earlier to like, I'm bigger than the thing that I think

I need, Like I'm I'm bigger than the agency. I'm bigger than I'm bigger than I'm bigger than my voice, which is a big thing to say for me. Well, your voice came from you, right, this is Yeah, this is what I wanted you to talk about, which like every dollar you've ever made came from you, every person you've brought into your life, came from you being worthy to receive them, every every everything is this moment? Now?

An analogy in my my book I think I have in the Illusion of Money book is I want you to imagine you and I and we're going for a walk in the woods, and let's say around a corner and I find a giant waterfall and you don't know about it, And wouldn't it be weird if I grabbed a cup and filled it with water, came running back to you and said, do you leanne look a cup of water? Like, I don't point out where it came from. I'm just like, all you see is this limited amount

of water in a glass. Right, So your question, if you just see a limited amount, is do we have enough water for for next month's rent? Do we have enough water for I'm I see a lack amount. But if I showed you the waterfall, you just see the abundant source of where the water came from, and you'd be like, we could donate the water, we could we could do whatever. Because you're the source of every creative

idea you've ever had. You're the source of every song you've written, or the source of every problem you felt through You're the source of this space now is the source of everything. And when I say worship yourself, I don't mean the ego self. I mean we merge into this space just by listening to it, and then we start to connect to the all that isness that created you, that created every idea, that created every possibility for you.

And as we listen to it, we start to actually merge into that and instead of worshiping the thing that comes from this space, which is crazy, like it's like I gotta get money. All right, friends, we are going to take one last quick break, but we'll be read back with Kyle and his abundance of insight. Welcome back everyone. Kyle was just walking us through the illusion of money.

When it comes to self worth, You're every dollar you've ever made, Like I gotta that song that that I wrote, or that joke was that was my that was a hit, right, So get excited about the space that it came from. Not it'd be like an apple tree making an apple and then freaking out about the one apple and being like everyone, look an apple and that won't make anymore because it's worshiping that apple and you're like, yeah, dude,

you're a whole tree. Like that's what you do. And every time you get excited about one idea or money or a person, you cut off the creative, magical essence of yourself, right and so yeah, and and it, by the way, if an apple tree stopped making apples, wouldn't you think if it's essences, I'm here to make apples. If it's stopped making apples, wouldn't it have to get sick?

Wouldn't have to like have an addiction, Like there's apple tree now Netflix, and like there's like it would have to because it's here to give its gift and if it's not giving its gift, then it would have to like it would have to get off. The universe is so amazing. It will make things sick that aren't in the giving of their gift, right, And it's like I I have a plan here, right, and our job is to give what we're here to give. But don't hear that,

Like it's a burden. Like a lot of people hear that, and like, don't die with your music left in you. And then I get a lot of people who are like I wasted my life And I don't mean that. I mean, just listen to the space and it will tell you first we got to purge this old stuff. So maybe don't give anything for a minute and cry, you know, give what I'm saying, Like, I know that we're all fighting in this time for freedom of speech, and of course I'm a fan of that, but even higher,

I'm about freedom to hear. And maybe we don't need to be a bunch of egos screaming to other political sides right now and need to hear a higher frequency, like God's really working to get into this planet right now, and the la our old ego itself is being purged and and we're letting go of our control and people that control are falling apart, and right we're just getting here, right, So I love that freedom to hear. That's like, yeah,

that's so powerful, so powerful. Freedom of speech was a conscious shift forward, right, like we were all muzzled and we need to be able to talk about how we feel and what's going on in freedom of speech was a big thing. We still need freedom of speech, but right now we're just a ton of egos screaming at each other. We're all in the streets hating each other.

So maybe instead of us trying to get the thing that worked in the forties, You know, why don't we get something new and and have freedom to hear, freedom to expand, and like if we go with I don't mean go with like comply, but if we just go Okay, I'm going into the store, I'm wearing a mask. What if this is like breaking us off from our egos to each other for a second, and are our stuck connection and maybe I'm maybe I'm something. Every silent retreat

you go to you can't talk. What if we all don't talk for a couple of years and are in our houses with masks on, Like, well, can you imagine, like what will start to read? Like you know, you'll start to read energy, You'll start to look and experience people and other in a completely different way if we're not vomiting on general time basically because that old dimension of the physical reality is not what we need to

hear or say anymore. It's old news. There's a there's new news trying to come into your life right now, and we listen to it in a new way. Like when I listen to silence for two hours, I have so many insights and I feel so here, and I have powers When I listen to that, I have like and I think of all the stress I avoided that day, Like how many anxiety attacks are stressful things did I not have because I merged with the now? How much? How much love that wasn't love? Did I not chase aimlessly?

How many of the wrong friends did I release? How many of whatever? And then I'm just here merging with source and meeting the trees. Yeah. Yeah, that's trying to happen for me and you and anyone listening and anyone listening to this, if you're interested in this call, be excited because you're on that like this new wave of people that are going into that higher frequency, that the

only way to survive this is by being connected to Source. Now, M yes, yeah, I've been talking about being connected with my body and all of those things. Yesterday I was like what am I? Because I do meditate, usually a daily practice, but for some reason of the past like month, month and a half, it's been like off and on, and I was asking myself yesterday It's like, what have I done today? I've connected with my emotions and my physical body. It's like what am I doing? Like what

is that spirit? How am I connecting with that piece of me, and I do believe we're in a time where we can't overlook that, and that needs to be. Like you're saying, I think the foundational piece before anything, you move from a different space when you know that you're connected to source. And it's so easy to wake up in the morning and forget we do. It's it's

the illusion, the greatest illusion of forgetfulness. And unless we're actively actively waking up and putting ourselves in that space and connection, it's so easy to be pulled out from a zillion different directions. And so thank you for reminding me of that. Well. And here's the craziest thing for everyone that's worried in this time about things that are

happening with the government, with the world, whatever. As you purge your old story of control, the story that had to control everything to keep for you, the story of lean Rhymes, the famous singer Loved and Seen and everything like that, is that's urged. The elements that try to control from the outside can't touch you, like anyone that would try to harm you, have bad intentions or whatever. They can only control the unseen control that's in your body. Right,

So as you purge this. You're actually ascending to a frequency where you're not touchable right and the world, I believe mirrors that. So as you move this, you're gonna notice an exactly the same day you cry out some giant story in your body, you'll notice like a ton of darkness will come to light in the public on the same day. What I'm saying, yeah, absolutely, everything that's buried inside of you is also buried in the world, and it's all coming to light. And the one thing

darkness needs to heal it is just seeing it. The light is going to end all of the control going on in the world, all of the repression, all of the you know, fear is dissolving, and it's loud right now because it's falling off, it's drowning, and it's and it's exciting because it's it's an exciting time. Even though we're all experiencing it as pain, which it is painful, there is a piece of all of us, I think, if we're willing to open up to it that's excited.

It's excited to let go of the heaviness, like you keep saying, it's excited to lighten up. Yeah, it is. And and we're you're right. And by the way, it's exponentially happening, and there's more way past a point of no return. And every ounce, every ounce of fear and shame that's coming up in your body has been lodged in your body secretly until now, So it's not like it's just showing up out of nowhere. It's like you were able to maneuver around it up until right and like,

we does this make sense? Like we're able to Yeah, it's fine. I feel this pain, but I can just date this person. I feel this pain, but as long as I have a kid, I feel this pain. Now it's like no distractions work or they're way too fast. Like it's like, oh, I got a relationship, I broke up.

You notice how many relationships. Yes, everything is just so fleeting because we're actually losing those attachments to find real love, the real love of the now, and then maybe you date someone at a full place, but there's no more attachment anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I love it. Oh. I could go on for hours with you, but thank you,

thank you so much for coming on here. And I do want to talk to you about music because I always asked my guests about their holy five songs, which could be something like like songs that you've loved your whole life. It could be something you're into now. So I would love to hear your music choices because I know, I know you love music. My favorite my favorite five songs and how yeah favorite five songs. Well, I still remember where I was when I first heard Good Vibrations

when I was three. I think the Beach Boys good vibe and not the market Mark one, the Beach Boys fishing good vibration like that. There was three when it came out. Good Vibrations I think is something that affects my body. I think that the chords and the you know, it took months to write it and he had a calling that was God coming through Musically, I feel like it was so amazing. I really am into the song Pretty Maids All in a Row by the Eagles. It's

been a lot slag so oh yeah. Um. I had one of the biggest cries of my life watching the Eagles documentary and seeing that there's something about this is weird. But I really love sad. I love help. No, that's not that's not weird. I had a did a whole conversation about that recently, about how I'm drawn to sad music and it's there's something, really, I don't know, there's

something comforting about that. More depressing the better. Like it's like Brian Wilson had some really depressing songs and I'm like, these are amazing. I have to tell you. And this is not a kissing up thing. There's a version I saw of you doing how do I Live? That's live when you where there's a guy playing piano behind you, and when you went to this other harmony instead of going how do I Live? Without you went you went to like a fifth from it? Yeah, what about you?

Something like that? Yeah, I thought that. I thought that shift was so profound and just showed a much more about your ear and and how you hear harmonies, and I just I loved it so much living what thanks? Yeah, after we started talking, I was like, I want to watch her do a couple of things. I saw your life when I thought everyone should see that. It's so beautiful. Thank you. It's funny because that's I'm talking about a new frequency. It's interesting to have performed some of my

songs for you know, twenty five years now. Basically and it's I'm such a different person I was as a kid, and it's like, how would I how would the me now you know, if if I just got these songs, like, how would I perform these songs? And so that's what

you're hearing when you hear that. Well, you know what's weird is I think that's the the even you more God more here bringing you know, not not within the boundaries of what you have to do for the record or whatever, like you're you are freer and this is like bringing in new dimensions of you and that the fear is if I'm scared to let go of the story of Leanne rhymes, well then you let go o her and now it's the story of God coming through you.

And so we're hearing, we're hearing whole new harmonies that probably the record industry will be like, this isn't safe enough, this isn't controllable enough or whatever. It's like it's so good and that you let's trade at all for that? You right? Um? I also I think to other artists that probably went through are going through similar shifts. I think are India Arie and Um Sarah bare ellis h. I think that I hear. I hear artists that I can feel what feel like, have conscious shifts and then

there's a more spiritual point to their song. And I think then the songs are even more profound, and you'll notice they're less on the radio. India Arie has an album called Song Versation and there's a song on it called break the Shell and I Am Light and Flowers and lie, I Am, I Am, I Am, I Am. That's so beautiful. Yeah, she's fantastic. I actually did a concert with her few years ago and she was just a beautiful, beautiful soul. And it's yeah, it's nice to

be around. It's nice to be around artists that are having those breakthrough moments. UM. I don't know Sarah burrellis UM, but I am a fan of her work. And yeah, it's it's wonderful when musicians start to bring that through UM because we're you know, we're living in a we're living in a time where that's I don't I don't think I know for myself, Like I can't turn away from it, like you're saying, like it's you, we're on

that path of UM. Like I know the new album that I've been working on, like it all came through me, and it's like I have no I can't deny. I can't deny this. This is not what I had planned, But I can't deny that this is the message that I have to I have to bring through through the world. So yeah, for sure, have you heard Tightrope or if I dare their their their songs for different movies. But Sarah bare ellis Tightrope is so gorgeous. He promised to

let go you're walking type boo, can't see the walking. Yeah, you know, it's so funny because I'm so much of a bigger fan of like India are on the other side of that shift. And even if she had to sacrifice being radio friendly like that's because the radio friendly world is going to die and the real art is about too. This is like the Renaissance. You're going to have the greatest art explode out of this. I hope you're so right about that. Actually got chills as you

said that. I mean, I know, I don't hope I think you are right about that because I think as artists like you know, we're all being moved from such a deeper place right now, and clearly you have been as an artist, you know, to to make the shift in your life. And I I just I'm so I'm so happy you're in my world because I I really do feel like I'm I'm making this the same shifts and I don't know what that's going to look like in the future for me, but I do know that

there is something deeper that has been calling me. And to imagine that there's some there's a bigger dream than the dream I've already dreamt is crazy to me. But I know that it's there. I can promise you. I know it's so much bigger. Like we would rather be God coming through your body than the famous story of Leanne rhymes like now and what that was served such a purpose to write, like was perfect and the highest you knew with everything you did, and it was amazing

and was exactly right. So we don't go any so for everyone listening that go by this earlier. Yeah, it was magic you and and the only way we can grow is by really, how good does this get? How much more amazing? You know? Michael beck With asked the question that I love so much, which is what's trying to emerge out of me? Like what like you know, a caterpillar is eventually a butterfly. What's trying to emerge

out of it. There's a you that we've never got to be yet that's starting to form that is completely fine in our own element in the now, no matter what level of fame, what level of seeing, what level

of success, what level of whatever. And then from a full place we create versus a lack place, right Like, I create because I want to express what's coming through this second versus you know what will sell And ironically, I promise you are true art if we own it and are not ashamed of it and don't have this one foot in the old world, will sell bigger eventually

because the world's gonna match you. Yeah. Right. So if you told me when I left stand up, like, hey, you're gonna go be a transformational speaker, I would be like, well, I have this huge career and it's I it's like it's gonna be way bigger. Actually be like, how like that doesn't I don't see that. It's like because eventually what's coming through you will be the truth on the whole planet. M Oh, I love that. I love that vision and I know that you're you're right about that.

I can feel it, and so thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom and um, thank you for taking the leap in your own life so that we all can be inspired by it to do it ourselves. I'm so happy to be with you. I'm so happy or my neighbor. I can wait tould be my neighbor. Ah, thank you, my friend, and that my loves brings us to the end of this episode of Holy Human. I hope that you found Kyle as

captivating as I did. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments wherever you're listening, and share this with anyone who could use a little more self acceptance in their lives. On the next Holy Human, the final of the season, I am going to be talking about the duality of life and everything in between and my own personal experiences that I've been having through the exploration of my voice. It has been quite the ride and truly fascinating.

And I'm going to be sharing with you a dear friend of mine who I've been actually working with um on expanding my voice my life. UM. Yeah, it's been it's been quite the ride and still is and I'm excited to share it with you all. So you won't want to miss it the finale of the season, make sure you tune in until then. I love you and love each other, ye Holy human with Me. Leanne Rhymes is a production of I Heart Radio