Hello and welcome to Who Is She?, a podcast sharing the voice I wish I had in my 20s and navigating how to thrive in your 30s. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here. This is a safe space to talk through all the in-between moments. Consider different perspectives and ultimately go for the life we want to live. Get comfortable and let's get started. Hi guys. Did you miss me? Oh man.
The podcast took like, oh, it must have been like a six months hiatus. And to be honest, I just got really overwhelmed. I... Really wanted to do video, but I didn't know how to do it. And I tried it once and I epically failed. So I just decided to give myself a little break. And then that break turned longer. And then I found it hard too.
do it on a weekly basis and I just never picked it up again so it's been one of those big things that like um you want to do but you just never quite get around to so I figured as a kickoff of what I am committing to doing, which is having a weekly... podcast episode is to start out with some dating updates okay because I was taking you guys along with me um and Around the end of October or like mid-October. No, end of October. You guys are right there with me. And then I...
got a little carried away, and I never told you the story. So now I'm going to tell the story of what happened. So buckle up. So let's set the scene. Most of you probably know me because I'm sharing my dating life online. Some of you might know me from before that. I created just lifestyle content. My goal is to create content that inspires you to live the life that you are meant to live.
and to give you hope and give you courage. So I've shared all kinds of things. But basically, there's not really many aspects of my life anymore that are secret, which is okay with me. I've always been... like more open than probably what's normal but anyway regardless of how you know me um oh i couldn't tell if it was recording okay regardless of how you know me um i have had been on 12 dates 12 first dates in 2024 now
That also means that I had second and third dates, not quite as many. I will be doing my dating recap tonight. So that'll just be a feed post, which breaks down as detailed as I could get because I couldn't track. all of it um the entire history of it but um 12 first states now two of them were in october um There was a guy who worked in wine sales, and there was an older guy who was a teacher.
Both lovely men. And I went out with both of them more or less. And I say more or less because the second date for one of them was not really a date. It was sort of like I was invited to a group setting. But anyway. Um, I seen these men twice each, twice or three times. One of them may have been three times dinner. Okay. Couple of times. regardless um and they were both doing what a man should be doing when he's pursuing a woman and um
I thought they were both very lovely. And I also am on this... this journey rather where I think that it is smart of a woman to be going out with multiple men at least in the early stages because especially if you have anxious attachment or limerent tendencies, which I have a whole episode on that. It is more advantageous. for the woman to not get attached to potential and watch behaviors and when you have inputs coming in at different different people who are vying for who are courting you
it is easier to see things for what they are. Now, I don't advocate for dating three people for six months. I mean, like when you're six months in, it may be time to... decide but we're at the beginning of dating and that's what I'm saying so anyway I've been out with these guys a couple times and they're both great and they both treated me very well and both of them I was kind of like I've been on this train where I'm like I want
That Steve and Miranda, Harry and what's her name? Charlotte kind of love where. I their personality makes them attractive to me because I'm so tired. I'm so tired of going out with the really hot guy because he's hot and tall and happens to be a Christian.
um because what i found is typically and there's so many people that talk about this but the guys that are like at the top of the food chain have never been held accountable because they don't need to so i'm done with that so anyway i um didn't feel immediate sparks with either of these gentlemen but i was like I think they're both good people. We got along well. I'd like to see them again and see where it goes. And then I matched with someone else on a dating app and was a professional athlete.
So we're going to take that for what it is. And I knew, I knew right away what that territory comes with. Okay. So I wasn't really taking it seriously. But I'm not against, you know, getting to know someone. So I start to talk with this professional athlete and I'm not going to.
give anything away i'm keeping things anonymous but um because I wasn't taking it seriously I was sort of doing things that I wouldn't normally do in a dating setting because he seemed like a nice guy so I was like I will maybe we'll just connect and be friends or whatever So we had been messaging or whatever and it happened to be his birthday and I was going to the city. I live in San Jose, but I love San Francisco and I'm going to be moving there more on that later. And I thought.
you know he might be in the city for his birthday and we had never met at that point so I just say if you happen to be in the city I'm going to be there this time for this event and I will be out at this time If you have plans, no worry about it. Don't worry about it. But if you're free, I'd love to grab a drink with you. Just like shooting my shot and whatever. So he jumps right on it and is like, yes.
where should I meet you blah blah blah so I was kind of like I don't want to go to another location he was already out I'm like I will meet you and he was out with his friend so I was like public place, other people, great. So I meet him and I don't really think he's interested in me. He's nice. His friends are nice. I sit down with them, get to know them. It was a little bit of an awkward situation because I was this...
There were three of them and it was kind of a place where not many people were. So it was literally just sitting down with these three athletes. And again, they were very nice and I had a lovely time. But I kind of had to, it was like making three friends at one time. And I didn't think that the guy that I was meeting up with was interested in me. So I was like, okay, got it. And then I ended up leaving.
They were trying to get me to go out with them after. I was like, no, it's not my thing. Goodbye. So then this man proceeds to message me pretty much on a daily basis. And I'm messaging back. And we start to do things that I wouldn't consider as dates. Like when men are asking me out now, they're very intentional of like.
it's very clear that it's a date with this guy it wasn't very clear or intentional and simultaneously still i'm not taking this seriously and i'm still on the train of i'm going out with these other two men so whatever i'm just being open and seeing what comes of this now um i again said something along the lines of when I'm when am I gonna see you next or something and he like jumped right on it and um he lives about an hour away from me
and maybe some maybe more hour and a half hour somewhere in there this man came to see me so i was like oh okay we met at a public place
The idea was we were going to go get coffee and walk around. That coffee turned into a three-hour thing where we walked around Santana Rowe and ended up getting lunch. He bought me lunch. So I was like... okay in my mind i was like okay this man came from a far distance and has spent multiple hours with me in a public place maybe he's interested he walks me to my car and
i'm saying goodbye to him and i'm still kind of on the page of like he just wants to be friends with me and then he goes i give him a hug and i pull away from him and he goes can i kiss you And I was like, oh, oh, got it. Okay. All right. So he is interested. He, yeah, it clicked then, which. watching this i know i'm gonna get a lot of hate for that of like hello you should have known
But I wasn't sure because nothing had been like, I'd love to take you out to dinner. It was sort of like it just kind of happened. And I offered energy first and I felt like I was initiating. And then he kissed me and I was like, OK. And when I say I haven't felt what I felt when I kissed him in a very long time, I hadn't. And...
I was flustered because I wasn't expecting it. And immediately he's texting me like, I'll be back to see you blah blah blah blah and I'm like still trying to like catch my breath from like I first of all understanding that this man wants to be more than friends or has intentions past friendship and
that he just kissed me and just like whiplash so then I'm sitting with that and I have anxious attachment limerent tendencies which means I tend to narrow in on people very quickly and it's not necessarily a good thing because I start to fill in gaps where
um effort lacks or ignore red flags or whatever because I want things to work out and so I've been very cognizant of that this year as I date um but I did something that I always say that I don't recommend, so I am owning up to this, which was the other two gentlemen that I had been out with. I felt like there was such a discrepancy between the way I felt spending time with them and the way I felt spending time with the athlete. And so in my mind, I was like,
It isn't fair to continue to go out with these men if there's such a difference in how I feel. Now, looking back on it, being that I'm not seeing any of these men anymore in this moment right now. I would not do that again. But I ended up shortly after that texting both of these men and saying, hey, I've actually met someone that I feel a stronger connection with and I wouldn't feel right about going out with you again.
But I wish you all the best of luck. And thank you so much. And they were both so nice to me. And the older one, the teacher actually ended up.
texting me after he saw the video i made about him and i've never had this before he texted me saying like a whole list of how he appreciated seeing the other side of dating and it was a very sweet message and he was like if it doesn't work out with you just like call me or it doesn't work out with him just give me a call and I was like that is so sweet and honorable of a guy to do and very masculine very um
confident because people get wrapped up in dating and it's like you've seen this person once or twice in your life like you are not tied to them and I think we need to go back a little bit to more of like old-fashioned dating when It was actually dating. Anyway, so I texted both of them. See you later or not. And I continued forward with the athlete. Now, from that point forward, it was the same story.
that i already knew the precedent was already set that when we saw each other it was because i said when are we seeing each other and there wasn't many times after that there was maybe one or two times we ended up going on a hike um for the next time I saw him because when I had met up with him before it was it was a beautiful day and where I live there's a bunch of beautiful trails and um
It was wonderful. It was a great hike. Conversation felt natural. When I was with him, it didn't feel like the same energy of me initiating getting the situation of getting together. It felt... easy and there was a lot of chemistry both conversational and physical and by the way just as a reminder I am celibate okay so just throwing that out there um so then uh how do i so we go on a hike not a short hike like almost five miles and this hike took like two and a half hours
and um i feel badly because you know again he lives an hour hour and a half away from me he came to see me we went on a hike and i'm not about to ask this man to go and sit somewhere i don't know in like a nice restaurant when he probably doesn't have like you know what i'm saying but we i was hungry so he ended up ordering food to my house We ate food. And basically, there was a situation where kissing happened. Some pretty intense kissing.
And I can't believe I'm sharing this. And I felt like if I had been okay with it, which I wasn't because I'm celibate, it could have gone zero to 100. We're just going to say that. But I'm celibate and I'm not dating that way. Now, hindsight, I probably would have ended the date right after hiking and been like, thank you so much. See you later. But anyway. I did not let that happen. And we finished dinner and then out the door he went.
And I kind of was like, okay, let's see what happens here because I'm kind of tired of initiating. Like I, the man that I ended up with needs to be the leader. And I kind of already know what's going to happen here. So it might as well happen now. Especially since I've already told these other perfectly wonderful men. That I am focusing in on this other guy. So I decide that I am no longer going to be the initiator. And I already know what's going to happen.
which is he's gonna like fall off the face of the earth so and I wanted to do it then because I'm like okay if we keep going at this pace it could just it could get out of control and i would rather know right now before investing any more of my time at this point i've seen him a few times three maybe four times i'm like but i would rather know now than
get emotionally attached emotionally involved because I'm already getting excited about him you know so um I put on the brakes and I just sit back and i'm like let's watch and see what happens what proceeds to happen is he uh does the classic avoidant thing where he pulls back which i knew was going to happen and i don't
run forward I just let it be um what it is and then I get pretty sick um like physically ill um nothing to do with him I just everyone was getting sick um towards the end of the year and this would have been um what month is this november and i don't hear from him for a few days which is out of character because of like the pattern we had built and he texts me something along the lines of like i miss you and like
I miss kissing you. And I was like, oh, I miss you too. But there'll be no kissing, unfortunately, until I'm better because I'm sick. So I let him know that.
because i was like this will determine intentions if this man wants to be a leader a protector a provider he's going to figure out what he can do to help me um a great opportunity for him to step up if you will um and he said oh no like what can i do and in my mind i was already like you would have known i got sick had you been keeping up with me because at this point maybe it was past a few days I think maybe it was like a week a week or so I don't know
But there had been time that passed and I remember feeling like he would have known that I was sick or getting sick if he had made any effort to contact me and he didn't. So still we're in this conversation and I go. Well, you can send me flowers. Because I knew that he wouldn't. Because everything in my gut was telling me this guy.
wants to not this guy's intentions and what my intentions for dating are are not the same so as expected he falls off the face of the earth and um I want to mention that I believe that a man that was really into me, if I say you could send me flowers, would be on it like so fast. That's such an easy thing to do.
And there's no caveat because he had ordered food to my house. He had already come to my house before. He had my address. There's no reason he couldn't. It's not like he couldn't afford it. It's not like he didn't know where or how. He didn't want to.
and then I don't hear from him so I was doing things and acting in a way where I pulled back tried to let him drive which I knew he wouldn't and then give him opportunities to step up which he didn't um so then he falls off the face of the earth and i'm kind of
um in a I go in waves of dating where like after I've been out with a couple people I give myself a little bit of time to just like catch my breath and like recenter and spend time with my friends and live my life so I'm not seeing anybody else um and i still haven't so this is my last experience and this ended in like november so and it's january 11th right now um wow november december
January. Wow. Okay. Anyway, so then a couple weeks pass. My birthday is right around Thanksgiving. So, this year was a little bit... off but sometimes it can be the day of thanksgiving my birthday is november 23rd and i had posted something about my birthday probably i think a picture and i get a text from him that says like happy birthday gorgeous blah blah blah and I was like hmm in my mind I was like this is him trying to see if he can just sort of like
skirt his way right back into conversation oh how you been blah blah blah so i'm like i'm not responding to that like no intentions were very clear so that's what ended up happening
That's the full scoop with my dating experience in the end of the year. And since then, like I said, I haven't been out with anyone. I... have had a couple of spurts of communicating with people on dating apps but then it just sort of doesn't pan out and i what i've understood and learned about dating apps this year is that you do need to make a commitment to be responsive and reply it's almost um it is it is disrespectful on both sides in my opinion to talk to someone and then um let like
two weeks pass and then hit them up again it is the game of it i know like you get busy you match with someone you decide to go out with someone and then another conversation goes by the wayside but it is kind of um disenchanting
to the recipient and i'm guilty of this as well as being the recipient of this of not replying and then two weeks later being like hey so if that happens where I'm the guilty party I always try to say like oh fell off the face of the earth there sorry about that I'm still interested in meeting
But anyway, I had a couple rounds of like connecting with people on dating apps, but haven't met up with anyone. However, there is this man who... was victim to that from me where we had talked um gosh it must have been a month ago now And I got sick again. And we had a plan to meet up for a date. And I couldn't go because I was like sick. I had a big sinus infection.
not feeling good so I had to cancel and he followed up with me to see how I was doing multiple times I think he even asked if I need anything I'll have to go back to the text but just very nice and sweet and I think the person that I'm gonna end up with is just like
really wholehearted that way so that's nice to see um and i had a text on my phone from him um from gosh a week ago now checking in and when I don't reply to texts and I when I haven't replied to texts and I want to reply I will read it and then mark it unread so it's almost like a to-do
so I left it there and I'm just sort of like living life right now and I sat down in my car today and I was like I need to go through all my texts so Anyway, long story long, I replied to him and I said something along the lines of like, hi, I am sorry about...
not responding let's see what i said i can pull it up right here i said I kind of fell off the map there for a minute thank you for checking in and being patient with me I'd still love to meet up with you if you're up for it and this man immediately responds and goes I'm down glad glad you're back to life when are you free so we're coordinating a date which means i might be going out with someone next week which would be my first first date of 2025 um which obviously i'm gonna take you along
But that is the juicy updates of my dating life. And... I don't know. I guess I'll end by saying a couple of the things that I believe about dating and how I'm approaching the year. with dating this is going to be i'm going to do a full episode for this next week which i'm batch recording right now so i don't know if i'll be in the same outfit or not but i'm putting this in another episode But if you are single right now and you've been, maybe you just started online dating.
maybe you've been doing the online dating thing for a while and not having luck I empathize with you I know how difficult it is I know how frustrating it is when coupled up people who have never experienced the dating climate of right now who have never experienced a dating app or even only experience a dating app from 10 years ago.
I empathize with you and it is hard, but I'm going to share everything I learned. I'm going to talk more about this, but I think I'm going to do shorter dates for the first date. So no more dinners, just coffee or a drink. And then try to continuously date multiple people in the beginning stages and not narrow in like I made the mistake of at the end of this year.
I'm gonna do a full episode on my approach to dating. Next episode, like I said, but I'm gonna close this out. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for loving on me, for supporting me. You guys are letting me live my dream. And I really, I can't even believe it most days. I can't believe this is my life. I can't believe my job is to share my life. Like that's to me in my mind, that's a perfect career. So.
And it's because of you. So I love you. And I want to say thank you. And I will see you in the next one. This is the part of the podcast where I ask you to follow and leave a five-star review. It really helps me out and it'll also notify you when I have a new episode dropping. Share this with your friends that you think it might touch even if you want to screenshot. this and tag me on instagram so then i can repost you i'd really really appreciate it i love you bye