Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Today's Therapy Thursday is Nick Pigeon. She's a renowned motivational speaker, accomplished author, a business mentor, and a positive psychologist deeply committed to igniting joy, personal empowerment, and unstoppable success in individuals and their enterprises. So her fascination lies in deciphering the common barriers that impede progress and uncovering the true essence of becoming unstoppable with the proven track record. Nick is a sales luminary who has generated millions through her
stage presence, online platforms, and phone interactions. So she's got a book out now called Now Is Your Chance, A thirty day guide to living your Happiest life. So happiness is an ultimate goal for so many of us, But why does it often feel like a destination that is completely unreachable?
So let's get her on. Hi Nick, good morning, How are you? Oh? And you have an accent? I'm here for it. Well that's why you're so happy because.
He really cool dodgy northern accent.
No I love. So where are you from? Originally?
Then I'm from a place called Newcastle, which is in the north of England. Yeah, so I've been here for nine years.
Okay, yeah, my fiance Scottish, so uh huh yeah where in Scotland he's he was born and raised in Glasgow.
Glasgow, Yeah, a couple of months.
Ago we've been Oh really yeah, I mean I thought I thought I thought it was a cool city. He says, it's changed a bit since he's left. But we were looking at wedding venues in Scotland and the northern part of Scotland is so beautiful and is that then close to where you are then from.
Freezing cold as well, which is why I left.
Well that makes sense. And now you're in La.
Yeah, I'm in La. And congratulations by the way, oh thank you amazing, amazing up leveled my perspective.
Well I should.
We we did four days postpartum last time we filmed our first episode and it was I mean I was crying over a butcherbox ad so I was like I cannot be doing this right now, like this is bad.
But anyways, I'm so.
We're so excited to talk to you because you have the book How Now is Your Chance? A thirty day Guide to living your Happiest Life and I'm curious with so for so long, probably up until I don't know. I'd say like a year and a half, two years ago. Nothing could really make me happy until I found happiness within myself. So I would always try to, like find a relationship. I'm like, Okay, why am I still so unhappy? I'm in a relationship, I've got this, I've got that.
And it's that finding your happiness. Where do you find that? People struggle with that because I'm like, what I should be happy?
And why am I not?
Yeah, I feel like there's a couple of things. First of all, it's not side of yourself in the first place, or putting it into the future as somewhere that you have to get to you as a destination. So when you realize, I got asked in an interview a little while ago, Nick, do you really think it's possible to be happy in change your mindset in a month? And it made me laugh because I thought it's possible to change your mindset in a moment, never mind in a month.
So I think that separation is one thing, and then I also think the mindset around it is it doesn't have to be hard. A lot of positive psychology and happiness teachings are really really simple. What's different is they're grounded in science, but it's still things that our grandmother's told us, like be grateful, or slow down and be present and notice the beauty around you. So when you recognize that it can be done simply and quickly, we can actually start to do it.
Why do you think people try to put their happiness on So that's my thing now, I'm like, I can't make you happy. You have to be happy for yourself, like no person thing or it's going to make you happy, Like, you have to find that withinside yourself. So how do you do that without trying to find that in your partner or your children or your work.
Yeah, I had a Sir Richard Branson shares a story about his circle theory, and he teaches that if we just all look after ourselves first and we focus on making ourselves feel good and then look after our immediate circle of family and then our next circle of friends, and then maybe extend it to our neighbors, then the
world would completely transform. And what's actually happening is we're not resourcing ourselves first, so we're operating from a place of not having our full capacity or full power or full potential. So then the way that we show up for our families or the way we show up in relationships, we're not actually being our best selves. So we think that it's selfish to focus on ourselves first, but it's actually helping fuel our relationships as well.
Okay, so this isn't a common reoccurring thing. I keep hearing, so that's how I know I'm supposed to really hear it this time. So your third time is a term for me when it comes to like resourcing yourself and then moving to the next circle. So in your life, did this become like a passion project for you because
you felt unsettled, unhappy? Was there a moment in your life where you thought, this is my turning point and now I have to kind of like triage myself and then when does it turn to this book for you?
Yeah? I mean there's been many, many defining moments, and I think that's something that we get to remember is life is going to keep on lifing. So I was originally supposed to be a mechanical and automotive engineer in my.
Career, says the Miss USA.
Everybody that can't see her Nick you're like, your brain is beautiful, but you are stunning.
It was by the way, I tell again, that's amazing.
You know, that's that's a great career. It's just I wouldn't see you doing that.
I don't know.
I love what I do, like I really love what I do now, and I think before when I was signed up to do that, it was because I'd done maths and physics at school and my dad was saying to me, I think you should go and get a career where you're going to earn money in a man's world. But it wasn't the thing that was right for me. So I found positive psychology through really listening to my intuition and following this path where there was a conversation with my ex partner at the time and he'd been
seeing a sports psychologist. He was a professional cricket player, and he said, when you're looking out on the field, don't look at the fielders, look for the gaps in between them instead, and that just hit me. It was a landslide moment because I thought, how much time do we focus on the problems instead of on the opportunities. So I've had a lot of moments in my life.
Whether it's been a relationship breakup, or whether it's been a sexual assault, or whether it's challenges that we come across in our daily lives or the businesses that I run. There's always going to be something. And what I come back to is I've always been able to navigate those hard things with way more.
Grace and ease.
Even if it's messy and I feel like I'm doing a bad job, I know that with the tools of positive psychology, I'm doing better than I would do without them.
M It's so interesting because I've noticed that like my husband and I we get in very much that rut of the just everyday circumstances, not huge deals, like our children are healthy. You know, we make money, you know, but it's just like we're not making the money he thinks we should be making at the time, or if the kids are fighting, or if we're fighting because we don't agree on how to discipline him, it will change
his positivity. And we actually had this conversation last night, so it's very fitting because I was like, you know, I can't be the one, you know, if me and my child are fighting because she's doing this and then you're stressed out and so now you're not happy, Like we can't, we cannot be the source of your happiness. And so we had this whole conversation about it. But it's always just like those little life things, and it's like, why can we not just not focus on those and
just be happy, Like it will go away tomorrow. It won't you know, won't make more money tomorrow, they won't be fighting with us tomorrow, you know.
And it's just so hard to do though it's fascinating.
I had a friend who broke up with her partner because they didn't load the dishwasher in the same way.
So that's valid if you ask me, but that's very valid.
Like I put.
Bowls on the top, my ex used to put them on the bottom, and I'm like, I don't get it, but fine, but.
That's like how that makes us like legitimately not happy in a moment, which it happens to everybody, but like those little things, how you can literally go from having a great day to being just in a bad mood and just not joyful.
So then what do you do in that Like what would be the thing that you would say in your book, Like, Okay, when that moment happens for all of us right, like to go, okay, what's the how do I flip this?
One of the super simple tools is coming back to gratitude. So it's asking yourself, what are three things that I'm grateful for right now? But we've actually seen new research that says that it's all so stronger when it's shared. So if you can laugh in that moment and then say, okay, like let's take a time out, what's something that you're grateful for right now? And you go back and forward with each other like I do it with my team and WhatsApp, and it's super fun. We call it a
gratitude rumpage. And then all of a sudden, you've got all of these things and your focus is completely shifted on what's good rather than what's wrong, And then you can handle any challenge when you're in a better state, in a better mood, because it helps you to solve problems more effectively when you're in a positive emotional state.
I mean, it sounds great, it's but in a moment like that's gonna be so hard to do.
Yeah, it's interesting though. A very good example for us last night is and I just it came to me when I was talking to my husband. My seven year old had given us her Christmas list, and of course it was like a million miles long, you know, a pony literally it was just the biggest list you've ever seen. And so my husband was like immediately kind of went to, well, what do you do with that list? Like how do you cut it down? How do you just all the negative things?
You know?
And that was a couple of days ago. So then last night I was like, you know, that really bothered me. I was like, I understand that you're thinking da da, da da da. I was like, but like, we're really lucky that we have a kid that has a Christmas list, you know, and that we can get them Christmas gifts. And he was like, you're so right, you know, and
it's just trying. I'm trying to do that and kind of flip that like we're lucky that she's able to write a list, We're lucky that we have a child that can write a Christmas list, you know, I mean, just so many things, and it really it took him in. He was like, wow, I mean that's kind of heavy, but at the same time, like you're right, like we are lucky that we have that.
True, so truective effective.
Yeah, perspective is so important to be able to either be reflective or step back and take yourself out of the current situation and current moment. And also when you're looking at building positive relationships, always being able to take our part and say, listen, I take responsibility for this. Didn't show up with my best self there, and like, let's get curious around how we can do this but
the next time. So having that, like the active constructive conversation within our relationships that you can help to do something different if it's coming up again and again and again as a pattern.
So for the girl that would cry every New Year's Eve and just hypothetically that we know this girl would ever on this couch, I didn't cry last year, but it's because, like I did obviously a lot of work, and you know it was happy and truly like inside happy. But for the person that's just struggles to find happiness inside, what is something that would be a good tip in the thirty day book that you have.
Yeah, I love developing some sort of ritual or like personal success system within your day. And I've really learned that the context matters. So I'm not a mother, but I was a step mom for two years and that gave me real perspective on what it's like to be a mother as well as have businesses. So I used to teach do a morning ritual and the seven different things that you have to do, and you have to do them in this order. Now I've learned that that
might not be possible in your daily reality. So for me, it's really simplifying and doing something and allowing yourself to celebrate that something that you do. So instead of having a structured morning ritual, now I have a menu in the note section of my phone.
It's so basic.
I like that.
Yeah, so you get.
The dopamine hit and it's all. I have forty four things on there, and it could be anything. It could be take a walk outside, or take your supplements, or practice breath work, or do shamanic shaking where you shake all of the energy and tension out of your body. It could be text someone with gratitude. And I don't do forty four a day, but I do some of them, and then I celebrate the fact that I've done some of them and I know that I've done something to make myself feel good.
Yeah, I like that.
Amy had me do that when I was on my last film because I was going to be away from the kids for longer than I ever have on a film set, and I was obviously pregnant. I didn't feel good and I was staying kind of a negative place, and she said, every day for the next you know, when you're there on the movie, write a grad to things that you're grateful for. And it really truly helped. Because I've never done it before. I was always like, man, it does not that's not going to work. It's not
gonna help. It's not gonna and it did. I was shocked how much it did help. Even and I repeated a lot of the same things. I would say, you know, I'm grateful for being healthy, and I'm grateful for my kids and Alan, and but then that then took the negative outside of my head, which was everything that I was fearing.
Or have you ever done that with your kids? I've heard people say to do that with your kids.
So at nighttime, we pray and then we say what are you? That's like my My nighttime routine with the kids is my favorite piece because I'm always like, what are you grateful for and then you know today and then let's say our.
Prayers and it's just so great.
We've been doing a lot of this at home, the kids and my our kids, Janna and I have the same ages, and I feel like when we both have a boy and girl at the top, the biggies are boys and girls, and I feel like they've been fighting like cats and dogs, like really just like they're so good when they're good, and then they're just a disaster when they're a disaster, which is just being kids. But like I make them free in the moment, and I'm like,
I'm all done. Five things we love about Legend. Five things we love about Love to break the cycle because I need it for myself. So let me ask you this, because I know we're in this world of like, you know, we're all I think our generation. I'm assuming you're a bit younger than me, by the way, but our generation feels like we are trying to like really take the world by storm and like make this be a happier, whole,
more healthy place. So what I like about what you're doing is not that it's that it's not toxic positivity. There's a lot of realism and what you're up to, which, listen, we all want to be the most positive, we all want to wake up, and we all want to do
all these things. But also, like you say, we're lifing, right, so what is your deciding What I guess is your deciding factor when you go like, what I'm sharing is what I'm sharing realistic positivity that I can do when I'm lifing, or is this toxic positivity where it's just like everything's great, we should be grateful. Because doctor Amen, actually sorry to cut you off, but he was like,
I don't believe in just positive thinking. He's like, that's well a little unrealistic because we're still being human, right.
Yeah. So I'm like, oh, it's an interesting we have, you know, but yeah.
And I love him. He's amazing, amazing, and it's so true. I think there's a misconception about what positivity or positive psychology is, and people think just do your affirmations and life will be great. It's so much about learning through challenge as well. And I think when you understand that there's always going to be challenges in life, and we get to look for what are the silver linings or how did I learn and how did I grow within that?
Then we can start to forgive ourselves, because often it's us beating ourselves up, like we're our own biggest critics, and we have this idea that we should be happy
one hundred percent of the time. We all have emotions and they're all valid, So it's more about feeling and processing the emotion and then telling yourself or even writing a forgiveness letter is one of the exercises which is so powerful, And often it will start with writing a forgiveness letter to someone else and you'll wind up writing
it to yourself. So it might be a forgiveness letter for pushing yourself too hard, for example, or for getting caught in a toxic loop of thinking wondering about that X that you're always thinking about, or beating yourself up for not picking up the legos that your kids have left out. And actually, the more that we tell ourselves that we forgive ourselves, it releases energy and it opens up space for us to live happier days.
I like that.
Can I ask you so for people that haven't read your book, you know, I think a lot of times it's like we add books to kart right with this hope that organ like really go in all in on the process. If someone is new to you and new to the idea of your book, is this more like a work book? Is this adding things in every day? Is it an outlined thirty days? Like for someone I'm a little OCD and a little A type, So if I get behind, it gets a little all or nothing
for me. So if I'm on day five and I'm a train wreck, then I'm like, oh, I'm just I just I have to start back over, like I recovering perfectionism.
It's really tricky.
So for someone who doesn't know this book, like what can you kind of outline maybe just the method in the way that you've written it.
Yeah, So it's a tool per day for thirty days, so you can take it as a thirty day challenge and it moves through your body, your mind, and your spirit. So there's so much change that you can create and allow for yourself. And it's also designed so you can flip it open and you know, like you would get an oracle card deck where you choose a card for the day, you can flip the book book open and just look at what chapter which is a couple of pages.
It'll take you ten minutes, read that, do that exercise super practical and you'll notice the shift.
Practicality matters a lot in the season of motherhood.
Yeah, I am curious, as you said you were a stepmom.
Were you married? Are you married?
No, it was with my fiance. So she was like my bonus daughter for two years and it was amazing.
She was five.
Ah, and so you're not together anymore. No, So I'm curious when it comes to your own personal life when you're going through that and then you also have this as a job. It's like be positive, be happy, and you're struggling personally. So I know you have your list of gratitude and all those things, but is it hard for you to walk this line when you're also like I know, for me, when I was dealing with stuff my X, I'm like, am I, how are we preaching this?
You can fight for this and you can work past this when I'm literally when we would hit end record or I don't trust him, I'm angry at him, and so it's like in more battling. And so it was very hard to live in that world where we're trying to be helpful to people, but then we're feeling like we're in a more underground Yeah.
And I think that there's a personal line for each person about what feels right to share and what is private life. And I think that we get to decide what that is for us. I'm always I like to process my own experiences first and then share after, so I can share from a place of having got the learnings rather than being in it right now. And I think that's been a good practice or principle to follow.
It's also led me to lead with way more compassion because I've had challenges in life, and certainly having like a public presence and a social media profile, you sometimes feel like you've got to show up all of the time. So I think it's having the the knowing that you get to look after yourself first, and you get to practice that self care, and you get to share what it is that feels all right to share when it feels all right to share it.
Yeah, all right.
One of the best tips in your book that you haven't shared one last one just to get the listeners to go, Okay, this is I need to get this book.
So dream big. One of my favorite chapters. It's about visualizing your best possible self and writing that out as a future version, and then asking yourself, how can I start to live as that right now? Because there's always a characteristic or something that we can start to do to be that person that we want to be in the future.
I love that too. I want to do that. You're really dant time for me today. I need it to Kart.
I know.
I saw this today and I was like, I just had this conversation last night. I can't wait to talk about it.
I even said to Jane, I was like, I don't even need to talk to her. I just need to be in the room today when this goes down, because I just needed a calm reset for my brain. I will say though, with Nick, when he was here yesterday with the Babes, he had mentioned something about money and I think he was he's in that like with real estate.
He had made a comment. I'm like, okay, I just closed that he's a little stressed and it's always about it.
He's old cat that we got to be really careful, and he goes, yeah, she's just she always says that, And I'm like, but you always say that too, you know.
I was a conversation we have. Yeah, So I was just kind of like, oh, he's he's stressed.
If we haven't gone broke yet to be okay, I promise he just stress is about Money'll be.
There any Sorry.
I'm really just going back in for you, Nick, because really just need I need you today.
You're like an ivy for me today.
Is there anything that you can share with us quickly that would that circles around the scarcy mentality? Because I know this time of year is stressful for a lot of people and a lot of businesses. You know, winter months are harder on just a lot of things like music, real estate, all of the things people or stress out about hosting family, about buying gifts. Is there anything that you can share around scarcy mentality that you kind of go to as like your go to gravity tool.
Yeah. Well, I think the first thing is to understand that our brains have a negativity bias. So the more negative stimulus or thought or feelings or things that are happening, the more positive we need to outweigh it. So you need three positive emotions or thoughts to redress the balance from one negative. And if you're in a marriage, it's more like eleven. Oh God, so ge see as well as replacing the positive, you also it's often more powerful
to let go of the negative. So is there a situation or a person or a conversation that is continually looping in a negative experience in your life? And could you actually protect yourself from that and put yourself into more positive and less negative situations. And I think as well, it's just knowing that we're all stronger when we're together.
So what I've learned is that there's so much power and vulnerability, and if you are in a place of scarcity or struggle, the more that we can connect together, the easier that it feels. And your relationships are the thing that's going to get you through.
I love you. I amazing and our listeners find you so.
I love hanging out on Instagram. I'm nickpige On there and then Nick Pigeon on the website as well.
Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on wind Down. We really appreciate it.
Thanks for having me.
We sure needed you today.
Nick.
Bye, bye, Bi girl.
Everyone gets your book Now Is Your Chance? A thirty day guide to living your happiest life.