Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
On this week's Whine About It Therapy Thursday, We've got Jen Sincero. So. She's a number one New York Times bestselling author, speaker, motivational speaker. She's helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives via her products, speaking engagements. Her number one New York Times bestseller You Are a Badass.
How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life, has remained on the New York Times Bestseller list for over five years to sold over five million copies worldwide. Let's get her on the show.
Hey girl, Hey, how's it going.
How are you?
Who are you?
I'm good. Well. I am so excited to get you onto the show because, first of all, obviously your book or was just reading the Rundown and how it's been on the New York Times bestseller list over five years, which is an insane feat like that. I mean, that's that's incredible.
I don't know, I'm just shocked and so grateful and yeah, it's a miracle, it really is.
I mean, in the land of miracles, that is definitely one of them.
Why do you think it's staying there that long. Like, what do you think people are like really getting from the book that you're like, yes, this makes sense.
Why I think that it's because, you know, I know, at the beginning, it was because it was sort of the first one that was a little reverend and used curse words and really used stories and sort of took the whole self help genre in a new direction. And now there are countless books doing the same thing. So I don't know why it stayed on, because they certainly are other ones that are doing But I think that it was such a shocker and there are a lot of people out there who couldn't relate to the other
self help books. So if you read this and you're like, oh my god, you're saying it in a way that I can actually hear it, I'm going to buy it forty of my friends. And that's how we got on the list in the first place. I mean, we didn't hit the bestseller list till three years after published, and then it just stayed out.
Oh wow, that's interesting lolow build yeah, it was.
It was a total grassroots effort.
Wow.
Okay, So with your book, I think one of the things that I've had a hard time like with you know, it's like you're you are a bad us? How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life? For me, self doubt is a thing that has killed everything for me, whether it's you know, right about to film an audition, I'm like, oh, nope, this part isn't right for me. It's I'm not going to get it.
I immediately count myself out of something before I even do it, and it's I and I hate that, Like, I don't like that part about me. I'm like, why don't I go in more positive? Why do I immediately doubt myself? Why do you think? Why do you think people do that?
Well, first of all, I want to say, the important thing is that you do it anyway.
So the self doubts there.
But if you're doing it anyway, that really, truly is the most important piece. And I think we do it because we compare ourselves to others really spend so especially now like it's gotten, it's it's a problem now. I mean, but social media, we're all constantly comparing ourselves to other people. So there's always going to be people that you feel like are better than you, that have it more down than you that have more experience, that are prettier, they're
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. So there's no end of self comparison. And I think that has a lot to do with self doubt. I also think if you're brave enough to go outside of your comfort zone and do something you've never done, that's a natural state to sort of doubt yourself. And so I think in the book one of the things that I really try to hammer home is the self doubt is going to be there, but you can sort of battle it by having a much funner attitude, just to like, just just
see what you can get away with. Who cares if you've got self doubt, you know, just see if you can get this part. Just see if you can charge six figures for your next painting, Just see if you know, just see if you can get away with it. I mean, we're on a planet in infinite space. It's all ridiculous anyway, So why make such drama out of everything? And why drag yourself down with these you know, with these quote unquote, you know, these beliefs, which are just thoughts that you
keep thinking over and over and over. You have the power to think something else and that can create a new belief. So it's really important to pay attention to what you're buying into in your own mind and just knock it out of it with something that's fun or funnier. I'm just gonna see and if I fall flat on my face, who cares?
Is it almost like a fake it till you make it kind of then attitude it.
Is And it's yes, definitely, And it's more just have fun until you make it, like just try it until you make it. Just get off your own back until you make it, you know.
Okay, But for the person that's like has a hard time having fun because they're so structured in work, or like I think I can go that way too, or I'm just like it, I can have a lot of fun, but I'm also like I have all these tasks I have to do and I have to take care of this, X, Y and Z, so that I'm like, Okay, I can do that, But then I'm like, I don't even I think the play element I lack doing that too.
Do you enjoy anything about your job.
When I'm on set working? Absolutely, But I think it's the like I set myself up going I'm just not going to get this, and like, yeah, the playing part of it, yeah, I would love to just like play around and try, but I'm like, oh, I don't have time for this or I get it. It's like I don't, I don't. I don't put in maybe the work that needs to be put in to it. And because I'm just like I already again, I'm already counting myself out.
Well, I would recommend just sort of staying attached to your why, Like why you're doing this work in the first place is for something that is fun and that
lights you up and that you're drawn to. And if you can, instead of getting meyered down and the to do of it and how bad you are at it and how you're going to fail and whatever you've got going on, stay with the excitement of the why, and before you sit down to do any other stuff you got to do, connect to that and just fantasize about yourself getting the part or whatever it is, and get that energy up, because we really everything is energy, and if you go into it with a more excited energy,
it's going to make a huge difference.
I know, and I know all that too, And I think it's just I think for me, it stems more like, you know, because I'm still believing maybe past messages that other people told me. Right, So it's like I let those things affect maybe some of my daily things that I do because I was told that I couldn't do that, or that I wouldn't get something, or that I'm not good enough or something. So that's the message that I'm like, Oh, then what's the point.
Well, that's the work we all have to do. I mean, we're all blocked some garbage that we picked up along the way. That's not true. So become aware of what the actual stuff is. And when it comes up, then you just really be like, oh, look at me. Here, I am thinking this negative thing again.
That's not true.
It's just something somebody told me, and I can make a choice to not focus on it anymore.
I mean, seriously, I tell my clients to focus on puppies. When that happens, Like it's hard to suddenly go from.
You know, if you're an I don't know if you're an actress, but like you know that I'm okay, I'm not going to get this part.
And because I'm to whatever and.
To being like I am going to get this part because I'm brilliant. Like, if you've got a lot of momentum going in the direction of it, you're not going to get it. It's very hard to suddenly like turn it around and be like I'm going to get it and believe that, right, sure, So the key is to just stop focusing on them I'm not going to get it part, just to distract yourself. And I'm just like puppies or nature or a good song, like just don't
even think about it. Stop giving it so much damn energy and slow it down and then you can change it.
How did you become a badass? Like when?
How?
Why did you write this book? Like what was something in your life? Whe're like, this needs to be said.
Because I was living in a garage. I was making like they five thousand dollars a year. I was in my forties, living in a garage, feeling like a gigantic loser, and I ended up tripling my income in three months and then suddenly now money is not even an issue
for me anymore. And so the fact that my broke ass was able to really make such an impossible shift, I mean, money was always always always a big problem in my life, and I felt like, if I can do that, if my forty year old like dedicated to the poverty identity can change that around, then I have something to share with other people. And also in the process of turning my life around, I read every self
help book under the sun. And I was a writer before I was a coach or any of this, and so I was always just like, you know, this information is changing my life. It's incredible, But how come none of it's funny? And how come none of it is said and in a way that I want to hear it said?
So then you're like, I'm going to write this really awesome, funny book that everyone can relate to that doesn't want to just hear the like therapist speaking words. You want to hear the like you know, stop it, you're a badass, all the things that like people can actually relate to.
Words and just in my own voice, like I just felt like I want to tell it very truthfully the way I went through it, and I think people can relate to it because I was such a train wreck for so long that I could feel their pain wherever they were.
How did you get there? Like you know, you go from the garage to the like what led you to that, and then the moment where you were like, wait a minute, I have to get out of this.
I made the decision, and it's kind of an unsatisfactory answer for a lot of people. But it wasn't like I almost got evicted or I got sick, or you know, I finally did something.
I just I honest.
It's really first of all boring to be broke you can't do anything. But more importantly, I was like, seriously, Jen, this is your one shot at being you on planet Earth, and you're gonna spend it wallowing in this quagmire of self doubt and loseriness and everybody else. So it was more just like I felt deep inside that I was like, I can do better than this. So I started reading
all the self help books. I started going to every money making seminar I could find, and believe me, I was like in a rock band.
I was super cool. I was like, this self helped stuff is so gooey, and if.
Anybody sees me at one of these things, my cred is blown.
But that's what happens.
When you make a decision, you do whatever the hell it takes no matter how uncomfortable it was. And everything was uncomfortable. And then I hired a coach, and that was you know. I put her on She costs one third of my annual income, and I put her on a credit card because I was.
Not screwing around.
I was like, I've been trying this on my own for forty years and I clearly suck at it.
So I got up my game and then she helped me triple my income.
Very quickly with the book.
Oh, the book didn't happen. I had You Are a Badass is my third book. So I had already written and published two other books on yeah, with major pubblishers. So she taught me how to start an online coaching business, coaching entrepreneurs how to write and sell their nonfiction book proposals. And so even that was like, oh, I'm going to be the nonfiction book proposal lady like snore, like that's you know, I'm cool. I've got all this other stuff
I want to do. But she's like, listen, you're getting started. You got to get out of your debt so that you can think strange. She's like, would you rather be broken?
Cooler? Rich? And cheesy?
Because I thought all the online stuff was so cheesy and all that stuff. I was like, I'll take rich and cheesy. And then I started writing all of my marketing and you know, all the stuff I was doing in my own voice, and that's sort of how I was like, oh, I can sort of meld this online marketing world, which is typically you know, a certain way, and make it sort of edgier, which was my own.
And that's sort of what I did with the self help stuff too.
That's so cool. I mean it's inspiring too, because I feel like, you know, I'm going to be forty in a couple months, and you're just like, well, I'm like, well, I don't know if I should start that. But it's like it's never too late to start anything ever, you know. And it's like it's just sometimes just it might just look like a mountain, you know, and you're like, you just got all right, you gotta just you gotta start climbing, because you know, if you I don't like to live
with regrets ee there. So I'm like, I gotta like, I gotta try. And I'm always constantly like throwing things at dark boards and like seeing what sticks. But it's again, it's that that self doubt that I have to like overcoming it. But again I think that's it's that's everybody now, especially with social media and comparing yourself and so that's
that's hard. But are there any tips in that You Are a Badass book that you're like, these are some amazing takeaways that will help with being of you know, being the great, like owning your greatness.
The whole book everything.
But you know, and so for self doubt, like you just said, with social media, it seems like social media is a big one, you know, for you and for most people.
If that really is a big one, get off social media, like go.
On just to post your stuff, just to like sometimes we need to be on our business, but don't spend time there. If that's the thing that brings you down, knock it off, Like it's not that big a mystery. A lot of the stuff we just like to pretend that we don't know what it is for whatever reason. Like you know, if you want to lose weight, don't eat a lot of fattening food.
But we just do it anyway. So this is why what I was saying about, like focusing on your why is so important.
So you know, if you really want to feel good and confident, I call it going to the spiritual Jim. I talking a lot about it a lot in all of my books, where you've got to have some kind of practice down. You just can't wake up every morning and wing it and hope it's going to change. You've got to catch yourself in your limiting thoughts and beliefs and words. Right, So whatever your broken record is, catch it and write it down and look at it and be like, Okay, this is the thing that is stopping
me all the time. So when it comes up, I am going to think about puppies, and I'm going to think about puppies until I've diffused it a little bit, and then I'm going to start turning it around, being like I'm a great actress who cares like there's so many other people out there who are killing it or are far less.
Fabulous than I am.
Right, So you can start turning it around and knock it off. Get a really solid spiritual gym practice in place, where you know meditation. I'm a huge meditation fan, because that's how you really stop all those thoughts. They say, you know, ninety percent of the thoughts we think are thoughts we think every day, and that's how they become and that's how we.
Form our reality. What you think creates your reality.
Right now, there are gazillion things I could focus on, but I tend to focus on the same things over and over because I have an identity and I am in the habit of thought when you catch yourself and make different choices. And I remember when I was starting out with all this, I was so irritated by the idea that like, your thoughts, your words, and your beliefs create your reality, right And I was like, it can't
be that hard. I cannot be living in a garage at the age of forty and that's all I gotta do. But it absolutely is, because your thoughts, your beliefs, and your words create your actions. So it's it all, it really, it's all. It's all combined. So you start by paying attention to thoughts, polition, words, you get a spiritual gym practice down.
I'm talking really quickly where you raise your frequency.
So meditating reading self help books every day for like five minutes doesn't.
Need to be a big whoopie do.
Listening to music that pumps you up, hanging out with other people who are kicking button instead of other people that you can sit around and whine with about how hard everything and how much it sucks. Staying off social media. You know, there's endless things you can do, walking in nature. I'm a big hiker. I'm a big nature person that, you know, hanging out with my dog, you know, whatever.
It is, getting coaching, but you've got to treat it like your life depends on it, because it really truly does.
And I'm talking.
Like a half hour a day where you work out that muscle of that frequency, because motivation and self worth is a muscle, and if you don't work it out, it's like going to the gym, you lose your physical mass. So you've got to you got to work it out. You got to pay attention to it, you got to make it, make it a really important deal for you.
Yeah, what would be the next book that you would want to write?
I really don't know right now, honestly, Like I just you know, Badass Habits came out in twenty twenty, which was.
So long ago already I was like, I just wrote a book. I was like, actually it's been years.
Yeah, So you know, I wait until I'm really inspired when it comes to books, and I have a couple ideas floating around, but nothing that I can't shake off my leg just yet.
So I'm sharing did because I feel like there's you know, there's probably so many things that you're like, I've already I've already and already said because it's all right there. I mean everything that you're saying, I'm like, yeah, like that's it. You You already kind of have your Bible, so now these are just going to be little roots that come off.
Of it and more, and you can always go deeper and you can always say it in a different way. I mean, how many times have you read the same I mean I read self help books all the time, and I'll read the same one over and over and I'll get different things every single time I read it.
So same with writing.
I can always find news ways to say it that will hopefully get the message across.
Jen, Where could our listeners find you?
You are a Badass dot com and also Jen Sincero dot com, j E N s I N c E r O dot com.
Awesome, Thank you so much, Jenn, I appreciate that.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks for coming on, girl, okay,