Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
If we could only record the pre chat and the post chat, that would just be that's the money maker because you just go you can say it. Actually it's kind of funny.
Well not that part, but okay, I go, well, it's with Jana Kramer and friend Kat says you're the boss to Jana and I said yeah, and.
I go yep, which is true.
But you just don't usually don't ever do like skirt around it.
Well, no, yeah, today we are and friends yep.
Glad to be here. Yeah, but then he said, but what's his face? Still has his?
I won't say it.
We get so many messages all the time. Why is like, I don't know why either. Actually going on there, quick check up before our amazing guest joins the show. You can say hi though, Jason, come in.
How it is great to be here, Oh Jason.
We're so happy to have the house.
Very true.
I like that we are house.
We are so excited to have Jason Waller on the show with us. And we're going to get into it. But how is everyone's easter.
Good?
Yeah?
Yeah, it was tiring, it was great.
Speaking of Tyran.
Did you make everybody happy in your family. We'll see we showed up.
Okay, revisiting therapy and cat will know the real truth of Easter.
It's fine.
Did you divorce your husband?
I made it through three days of Disney at thirty weeks pregnant, forty one years old.
I just want high five nights.
That's very impressive, that's incredible.
Yeah, fun you guys.
My ankles were so swollen at the end of the day. I felt like I almost got one of those motorized carts. But I felt like there's somebody that needed it more than me. It was really something, but we did it. The happiest place on earth is my bathtub. But my kids had the best play.
You can have that you can do a bath with the baby.
I mean I have been, Okay, I guess third time. Everyone's just like when you get to the third y're just.
I thought you couldn't have a bath with a baby, so.
I always I never took bats with the other I think it's past a certain point.
Maybe, Okay, I don't.
We're going to find out because everyone will write to you.
No no, no, no, no no. I just know they will.
On Instagram, they'll write to me, all the obi's will come out, the secret ob listeners will come out.
It's fine, it's fine.
How was your Easter? Well, he has risen. Indeed, he has risen. Indeed, it was great. We went over to Sarah Bryce's house. We had church. It was lovely. I wasn't supposed to have the kids, but it was awesome. Mix let me have them. And it was like the best weekend ever. And uh it got out there They're like, oh, seemingly Alan has met the kids because Jolie. We took Jolie to a soccer game, but like all supposed to photo of Alan and then and then like the photo and then so, yes, he's met the kids.
And Alan's not going to be where soccer is anyway, I know, right.
But it went great and the kids love him and it's been awesome. Good yeah, yeah, good, Okay, David.
I know now.
Easter it was fantastic. We actually went to church on Saturday, so we had the whole Sunday off and we were outside for the first time like all day, eight hours. We had two water balloon flights. We went through I think like four hundred and fifty water balloons and just this was like just acted like a kid and we just had the best time a couple of e strike hunts and spent time with the kids and the wife and just relaxed.
You've been married for how many years now?
Oh my gosh, coming up on ten. Our anniversary's ten, twelve thirteen.
Yeah, so coming to Ashley.
Ashley, we have two babies.
Two babies. I got Delilah who is five, and Wyatt who is geez almost two two in June.
So that's really been something. Yeah, two year old boys or something.
Yes, it is. He's in that phase right now where it's he wants to do everything and if you don't let him, he he just loses. So it's it's it's interesting. It's a process and I'm learning slowly, but surely that's for sure.
Right around two is when I felt like legend and I needed our own couples counselor So I'm going to talk to your wife and you just moved here from California.
Yes, we just got here almost a year ago to date, moved from Laguna Beach and absolutely living it out here. You know, we came out here to slow our lives down and just you know, to get out of the rift draft of southern California, and we had.
The Laguna Beach is just horrible.
It's beautiful, but it's really it's different, well it's different than it is. I mean, it's a great place, the best childhood I ever had, but honestly, it's just it's just different and it's not the way that I had grown up. I mean, just when we moved here, Just to put it into perspective, this hasn't happened in twenty plus years since I lived there. Within the first twenty four hours of us moving into our house, three little girls came and knocked on our door and asked my
daughter to come out and play. And like, that's kind of one of those things where I looked at my wife and I was like, we made the right decision and just kind of have that more wholesome vibe. And again, as I go back, I got twenty two family members that still live in from Laguna to Coasta Mesa, so I'm there often. But I just if we were going to do it, we thought the time was now. The kids were young. We weren't going to uproot them. If we didn't like it, you know, we could move back.
But also some little bit of backstory or history to this is my grandfather actually grew up off of Moors Lane in Brentwood.
I grew up on Moors Lane.
Let's go, oh my cash. Yeah, and then my whole my mom was born in Memphis, and then I got three I think three generations or four generations from Tennessee on my mom's side.
So so it feels rooted.
Is anyone still here though right now or no?
Yeah? So I have great aunts and uncles who live up by Tim's Ford. I have some family in Clarksville kind of like scattered around, but yeah, just a few relatives.
It is very cozy here. People love on each other.
It is The people are incredible. I mean, I didn't know. I'll never forget the drive when I was coming out here. So Ashley and the kids and mother in law, they all flew out here, and I remember driving with me and my dog. It was a little trailer behind like with our personal stuff, and I was like going through New Mexico, I'm like what am I doing? Like it was just like that real like we're just kind of broke down and like, dude, I'm literally leaving it and
it disdn't hit me until then. But honestly, I was just asked the other day, you know what I do. I want to move back, and I really don't. It's almost a grieving process because that's all I've known for thirty five years was Orange County.
Is there a piece of you because of everything that you went through? Is does that piece hold on to not wanting to go back because of like who you were there?
That's a great question.
No.
I think I've done so much work on myself that I've really processed and gone through that where I'm really comfortable with where I'm at, like physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And I think through all that work, it's a lot to me the opportunity to make a decision to actually be at a place to be like, hey, let's get up and move because I never thought that would be a part of the process. But that's just a testimony of when you put in the hard work, what can
really come to fruition. Because if I didn't do the work I did on myself, I wouldn't never have left there.
Well, it's interesting too, because one of our friends had said this, some of the most healing work that she's ever done was going back to the places that broke her the most, and also realizing like who you are today, Like so when you go back, you have to be so proud of who you are versus how you were then.
Yeah, I did. Ah. I was on a interview yesterday and to look at, you know, a kid that was struggling severely with addiction, was very lost and just in a in a really deep dark place. I mean, my
addiction drove me not to contemplation, but attempting suicide. And just you know, I grew up you have to understand, I think, putting that into context, I grew up this happy, outgoing kid who loved surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, was always outdoors and a depth of my addiction, it was me by myself, you know, in a room, and so it was a
very lonely, miserable place. And so to be able to kind of pause and process through all the treatment centers I went through, through all the trials and tribulations with the law and just my own internal battles with the people I hurt. All this stuff, there was a lot there.
I always joke like, I'm going to be making amends for the rest of my life, just because of all the destruction I did, but to actually really be honest with myself, like I'm so proud of where I am at today, like to be able to look in the mirror and to be happy with what I see. I'm comfortable in my own skin. And for years and years,
I never was in that spot. And you know, after doing so much work, I was able to actually identify that I struggled with addiction and alcoholism way before I ever picked up the drink or the drug, and that you know, twelve or thirteen years old, I had struggled severely with OCD to the point where I'd washed my hands till they would bleed, and I'd have to wear deopren gloves at night, and I'd have to put you know, put them in with niaspoorne in them to let my
hands heal. But on the outside, so that was what was going on behind closed doors. But on the outside, I was the popular kid. I was always good at sports and kind of had to live this double life, which ultimately led me to you know, even with seeing psychiatrists and therapist and having really good support, I got a much more alleviation from substances, and it was That's what I was using as my solution, was alcohol, right to take away that pain and what I had felt,
even though I was seeing doctors. And but again at twelve thirteen, how are you able to, you know, not knowing what we know today, how you able to try to process that type of stuff at that age? And so I never was able to get really fully open and honest. And so it's been a journey.
You know, it's for those people that don't know the journey. How long were you an active addiction?
Oh God, I'd say I really started struggling about sixteen or seventeen years old, and then it that when the show started, I was shortly thereafter. So I think I started filming probably when I was like seventeen, Laguna Beach, and then it went from sixteen to I mean bad
until twenty three. Was able to get sober July twenty third, twenty ten, had five years of sobriety, and then went out on pharmaceutical synthetic grade meth aka adderall and that took me down really, really bad, to the point of where on and off it wasn't like a three year benders like I'd have a few months sober. I just wasn't willing to get open and honest. But that landed
me at the first floor in Hook Hospital Detox. You want, Ashley was giving birth to Delilah on the third or fourth floor, and.
So I saw that in our video that we did and that was like, as when you look back now, I mean, now you can show your daughter, Okay, this is you know your daddy is healthier, But is there a piece of view that struggles with that knowing that you weren't there for your wife in that moment.
Yeah, it was a very.
Like how do you make amends with that with yourself?
I guess or I mean forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools, right and I can't hold onto those types of things. I have to. I believe your greatest setbacks so the greatest opportunity for your comeback. And you know it's looking it's so crazy to think that your biggest deficits are your greatest assets, and like that is a big motivating factor. Like even though I was physically there, literally went from the first floor up the elevator to
watch my daughter be born. But you and that's how cunning, baffling and powerful addiction is. You'd think that would be enough to stop. But I didn't actively arrest the disease or get stabilized right. I was in detox for two days. I went home with the family and back at it again four or five days later. And it was about a six month on and off process where I actually was finally intervened on and I had to go back into treatment. I mean, I did the full thing that I needed to do.
Is that when it was over, did you still go back again?
That was when it was really over. That was kind of the real surrender. And then kind of the to give you the full scope of everything is right after that, like a little bit long, like probably I don't know. Nine months down the road, the Hills came back and there's an opportunity to come back on television and again, as I thought, this would be a really good opportunity to share our story. And I think by expressing vulnerability at creates humility and it allows an opportunity for people
to connect. And actually had her own story and I had my story, and I thought this would be really powerful. But it was a huge decision because we're like, we love our life where it's at. We want to really go and do this, but I believe that it was kind of God's opportunity from being who I used to be to show how much I had changed. Because even that relapse and stuff happened, I don't discredit all the
work that I've done. I was a different person still, and I think that was just a part of that journey. And so I ended up experiencing just a lot of a lot of my own stuff came up again, insecurities, I was overweight, you know, and just going back on television, it was just, you know, just image, right, self image was just kind of something I was struggling with. And so we were already shooting and then that stuff started
to percolate. I did not reach out to not talk to anybody, and I'd taken a pill I drank, and then I called doctor Drew and got open and honest. And so that was a huge difference, Right. I'm not justifying my me doing that, but I have the tools and the resources. I should have reached out to somebody way before I ever picked up. And because a relapse manifest way before you're actually picking it up, it's like
the dominoes falling. And so at that point I got open and honest, and I started talking about it right away because I did not want it to go down that road, and so it was I call it a lapse, if you will. If that didn't happen, i'd have over five years, But I have three years of sobriety now, and that was the last time that that had ever happened.
When they say in what the meetings, like, you realize your life became has become unmanageable. You basically got intervened. So a lot of times when they say, like, interventions don't work because you're not ready yet, right, So was there a moment where you're like, what made your life go okay, it's unmanageable? Like obviously because it's like what
the people were saying to you in the intervention. Or was it just like because I've been told that his interventions don't work that well because they're not ready yet.
It's every different strokes different folks, right, And I think if you have the right team and the right support, I think you can really help navigate that into getting people and guiding them because a lot of people that are in those states are literally at a place so they've lost the right to make their own decisions, so
they don't even know what's right or not. So I'll share with you what really when I call my entering into recovery was back in twenty ten, because you have to remember, had everything society says amazing, whether it's notoriety, fame, access, all these different things, and you know, I hated life. I mean I tried taking my own life. And I'll never forget the moment, which I call my moment of clarity, when I was sitting in a therapist's office just like this with my mom and dad. My mom and dad
looked across from me. This is We've done this a hundred of times. There was nothing that was unique about this, but there was something happened here. My dad just looked at me, and I've never seen him breakdown besides when his mom had passed away, and he just looks across and he goes, Jason, we don't know what to do anymore.
You know, our marriage is suffering. The family is just a complete that we were totally lost, and Mom and I weigh Mom and I lay in bed like two planks of wood, waiting for the phone call that you're dead. And whatever that was, there was something that came very clear to me, and that became my motivating factor. Is like, I didn't care enough about myself to want to do it before I taking my life, and so it's kind
of like what else is there to look for? But thank God for the family dynamic that I had had and the parents that I had had growing up in just that sense of respect, and they became my motivating factor. And so that was the moment where I really transitioned. And then, you know, months down the road, after I'd committed myself, I was open, I was willing, I was willing to take direction. I got honest. You know, after
my life started to change. About six months down the road, I really saw that this was something I wanted to do for myself. And that's where my real journey started. And so every situation is different, Every situation is unique. There is not a one size fits all model and
it's a very individualized process. And so like again, is how I got there maybe different than how you would have gotten there, right, And so it's taking that into account and looking at people's background, their history, their you know, the environment and the things that had happened to them as their pre genetic disposition there's so many different things that can go into effect with it.
And well you kind of said too like a lot of times people are like great childhood, the wounds and the trauma, but sounds like you had a great childhood too, So it's like, well, then, why why did this happen? Or how did I do this? Or like trying to find that like why I must have been frustrating too.
Well, I'm Cherokee, German and Irish. I should have had a stamp on the wound when saying this kid cannot use anything, but no, they're the pre genetic disposition of my family is half my family struggles with addiction in our mental health. So it's like again, as I had, that's what's I didn't have any of that crazy childhood trauma or you know, the environmental stuff like I had a very if anything, I had a very amazing childhood.
And so it's where it wasn't really didn't line up, but struggling with the mental health and stuff that that's now where it makes a clear picture is that was kind of outside the context and through doctor Amen, who I am starting to work with now, I had found out that I had had potentially had pandas, which is basically a PDA. I forget the acronym of what it is, which I should know that, but it's basically caused by strep throat, which is a piece that actually will attack
a part of your brain that can trigger OCD. And had I known that a long time ago, who knows what have kind of would have happened. But it's it's crazy to kind of see how I went down and navigated that wrote as a young adolescent.
So when you're young, and I'm glad you mentioned your parents, because I was. That was one of my questions, like where were they in all of this and how active were they and when, like when was the first time that they noticed anything like the hand washing all the things.
My parents are very involved. So I mean my mom likes, right when she saw me, she saw my hands and she's like, what the what's because I'd go like this and they'd just crack and they'd just bleed and stuff, and so she's a she's psychiatrist. I mean, they were
part of that whole process. And I mean I started seeing somebody at twelve thirteen years old, whenever it was that timeframe when I was in there and they did everything that they possibly couldn't what they were equipped with, and they were along that ride in that process, and you know, and I was even a part of it. And that's how close we were. At sixteen, sixteen and a half years old, when I went to Provo, Utah
to wilderness camp into a boarding school. I was wasn't like I was kidnapped in the middle of the night. I mean I made that decision with them, like hey, I'm kind of going down the wrong road, like let's course correct this. But after being out there for a little bit of time, I was able to manipulate my way back and being like, yeah, this ain't the right fit,
let's get back. And so and that's where they struggled, is they you know, wherever there's an alcoholic or an addict, there's a codependent and sometimes are just as sick, if not sicker. And my parents were really harming me in areas when they thought they were doing good, like not to their own acre. They you know, they didn't have the knowledge, and so when they were they were throwing pillows when I really should have fallen in certain areas,
and that progressively got worse. But also then fast forwarding through, you know, going on television. It's like at eighteen years old, when you're the most impressionable and the most impulsive, like and you're an adult, there's only so much control they have, right, and so we had instant success. And so like usually what your parents have some type of financial restraint on you to a degree if you're going to college or different things, they can kind of, you know, manage that process.
And it was like either join me or ziya. Yeah, and so that's kind of how you know, they just I respected them, but I was also I was super super super sick, and all I cared about was the next drink and the next drug.
When you talked about amends in the show, is there anyone did you have to have amends with a lot of people from the show?
Yeah, I made amends. I wish I could talk to you about something that we all just did, but I can't right now. There's something there's something cool coming out, but I can't say anything about it. But I've made amends to say every girlfriend on the show's there was a few.
Few, were there any that didn't accept the amends?
I think the thing that people don't realize is like when I was the drunkenrol when I was drinking and stuff. That's that's what That's what it was. But also I think when I was sober. When I was sober, people got to see who I really was so and I don't think the media or the viewers of the show's
ever got to see that other side. And so I think even like when I've reconnected with like Kristen and Steven and all the people that I have over these last few years are just like, God, this is the guy that we knew, you know what I mean, it was just you were lost and and so I think that the short answers know that they were just they're really happy and proud to see where I'm at today. And I think, honestly they're more surprised and shocked how much I've changed because it was pretty bad.
Well it's also twenty years ago, right, almost twenty Like, I mean.
You're started, Yeah, I'm thirty six now.
I mean it's they've all changed too, Yeah, yes, yes, a lot of grace, I would assume, Yes, everyone's growing journey.
I think that with the amens too. I think it's a beautiful thing because it's not like you're like I've had to make amends with certain people, and I've even said to them, I'm not asking for you to say it's okay, or I forgive you or any of those things. I'm just telling you, like you know that I'm sorry I handle this wrong, that was wrong with me. No excuses are made. And you know, the person that I did do this too a couple of months ago, they're like, it's okay.
I'm like, no, no, it's not okay, you know, but no, it's take it's keeping your side of the street clean, right, and it's taking ownership and accountability. And I love I mean the way that I approach amends is most identical to that is I take full ownership and accountability for what I did. I'm not justifying my actions, but whatever I can do to make it right and better, please let me know, you know. And it's it's sometimes and I've had trust me over the course of time. There's people.
Not everybody's responded as gracefully. Some people just are like thanks, but no thanks, you know. But I'd say more so than not, people have been very receptive to it. But for me and my process and my recovery program, it's just keeping my side of this streakly and I have no control or I can't have an expectation on the outcome of it. That's not why I'm doing it. It's really to do the work and to make things right.
So right now, you're very which I love. That's how because we met at Jason and I met at an airport in LA and we ended up talking the entire flight, like the only time I ever took a middle seat, right, Cat ye yeah, Kin's like, oh yeah, I get the window.
I'm like, oh, we're here reading a book while they talk it all the time.
But it was so nice just to connect with someone who was so open and vulnerable, and I loved hearing your story and getting to know you. And since that flight, I've been able to be a part of some of the stuff that you're doing with mental health, and I just I love what you're doing, and I appreciate what you're doing because you're helping a lot of people and you're going to help even more with the doctor, amen
and everything else that you're doing. But you know, because you are still in recovery right every day is a new day, and it's something that you have to continue to work on. Is there a piece where sometimes you feel like what sometimes makes you feel like, oh my god, I feel like I'm slipping a little bit, and like, how do you kind of stay back on track?
Great question. I love that I've developed and built a program by looking at it from structure and consistency creates safety. And I think if you have kids that you can you can kind of look at that as the same thing when a kid's on routine, he wakes up as his morning breakfast, he has his nappy, he's usually typically pretty good, and the same thing with adults. And so
I've incorporated that within my life. And so to answer your first question, is having that connection with myself when I'm getting overwhelmed or when I'm stressed, being able to identify and what that looks like. I always believe it's I live like a triple A modality. It's awareness, acceptance, in action. If I'm not aware of what's going on, I can't accept it. If I can't accept it, I
can't take action. And so it's recovery for me. It's a daily routine, right, and so in the morning, I wake up, I do a morning meditation, I read the Bible, I read a daily devotion, I do a gratitude list of three things I'm grateful for, but not only what, but why, because that's where really the meat lies. And then I do some form of exercise, whether it's going to the gym, whether it's take my dog for a run. But I get outside, I get some son, I get that.
That's kind of how I always start my morning. And then sometimes I would incorporate that with I have Bible City that I do, or I'll go to meetings, and then I go about my day. And then at the end of the day, which I think is one of the most important things that I've done, is I do an inventory, kind of like what we're talking about with making amends. I do that with myself. I do a check in. I'm like, hey, where did things go right,
and where did things go wrong? And what do I need to do to clean up If there's anything that I did that I need to take ownership for clean that up, but also acknowledge the successes that I did and the achievements that I made for the day, because oftentimes I think we overlook that and giving myself kudos, But what that does is allot to me an opportunity of a fresh morning that next morning, and so I think that's what is key is especially with addiction, there's
a big difference between being abstinence of drugs and alcohol versus living a life and recovery. And it's one thing just just to white knuckle it and be a part of that process. But there's a difference when you're working in programming. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. No, I still have my moments. I still outlash and stuff like that. But I have a support system. I still go to therapy. I've done this for years now on a weekly basis. I still see a therapist. I'm plugged into a church.
I have three or four guys that hold me accountable. I have my Bible study that I can be totally open and connect with. And like coming in here, like even saw me deep. You're like taking deep breaths. It's just because this week's been overwhelming and so like I come. I know, like breathing really helps. It's just stuff that I've done over the course of time. It's funny that people will pick up on it, but it's just how I operate now, you know, And and it's communicating about that,
you know, Like when it's just coming in. It's I try not to like when people ask like how's it going, It's like I try to really say, like what's going on, as opposed like I'm good, I'm great, family is amazing, it's like been overwhelming, you know, like and life's very full right now and I'm very grateful. But that's I think it's the communication factor is is huge and detrimental. The thing that kept me sick for so long was dishonesty.
That was with myself, not only with people around me, but I was the person I was hurting most was me and again as I still fall short. But you know, I think today is is I take ownership in that, and I know I love the life I have today and so like I want that, I want to continue that. I didn't love the life I had for many years and people on the outside people be like, god, I want that life potentially, not when I was getting arrested in all these other things of that.
Yeah, it was a hard when that was happy.
I'm not gonna lie the by products prior to that or even as you know, in just growing up, like when I was young, twelve thirteen, fourteen years old, I just remember people like you have a great life, like you don't know. It goes on the en closed stories. And I think that's the other piece too, is is everybody struggling with something. And let's say, one of the biggest things to my recovery is service is giving back. I try to do a lot of giving back.
So Ashley, does Ashley also seek support because I know it takes a village to help an addict in recovery.
Yes, so Ashley, actually she does, and she was instrumental in me getting the help that I needed. And again that goes back to one of the questions you were talking about before, is like what was you know, what took place in that intervention and is people setting boundaries and and her being able to take care of herself because she got so sick in her own ways with codependency and enabling that she had lost sight of who she was. I mean she literally will tell you she like,
I didn't know what color I liked. I mean, I didn't know what food I like. I mean that's how her her Her addiction was my addiction. She was like addicted to the addict. And so yes, she again weekly therapy, does groups. She's actually now running and is the face of the Family Recovery Foundation, which is for people that are directly impacted by the disease of addiction. So it's a clinically led support group, so it's clinicians that are there to bring oversight and add value to people that
were in her shoes. And so she runs out on a weekly basis, and she's really she's actually really like trying to make a push in that area. I'd say that's one area that's deficient in the recovery community, is for those that are directly impacted. And I'm supporting her in that from a legacy piece. For me is because when I was struggling, I had all the resources at all these people, all these places to go and you know,
and keep in mind, I'm Ashley as a newborn. There's you know, all the things prior to leading up to that. I mean, she was putting her head on my heart every single night to see if I was still breathing. My heart was beating, like all these things that I don't witness, plus the verbal abuse and just the thing that go along with addiction. And it's like I come out and it's like, yeah, you're supposed to be good ready for me to come home, and it's like that's
just not the case. They had to endure so much and there's so many people that are affected by all of that that there's not enough being done because it's one thing again, there's great like on site which is here in Tennessee, a great program and stuff like that, but one is a lot of people can't afford that, Or two is what are you doing for continuation after that? Right?
And I think alan On and Code of Meetings are all really good, but how can you kind of boost that on a steroid level with like I think adding a therapist, right and getting some clinical oversight, And so I'm hoping that that will kind of take off. And that's what her envision is is because she's like, there's so many people that just are left to their own devices with this, and it's just not fair.
So my dad was addicted my whole life. And I'll try to detach so I don't get emotional, but my mom was like wildly codependent and like an enabler, and he passed away a year ago July.
Trying trying, we do.
But I've watched her try to untangle for like the last like year and a half and it's a mess, like she never got the apology, Like I'm.
Really really proud of you.
I'm proud of you for your kids and for Ashley that you can do the things you're doing because a lot of people like I'm an adult child of an alcoholic, I never got the apology. I traumatic childhood inconsistency I never got, I never got the mends, I never got the ownership or any of that. And for what you're doing for your family and for the family cycle, and then for y'all to be pouring into community, like I mean, I was sitting to Alan on meetings and I'm like, yeah, this is like fine.
But like there's no meat to this.
There's no like there's nobody there, like really, it's amazing, don't get me wrong, and I'm not. It is a resource that's awesome, but it's just not rich enough. It's once a week. It feels like.
You leave feeling less alone, which is I.
Think when when I used to go to ask An, there's the cross having no cross talk. I need someone to talk to like you're just like you just say it, but then there's no support and then I beave and I'm like, well, I feel worse than when I walked in, and my mom is like barely untangling, Like we're talking forty years of just chaos, and I'm watching her start to like pull it apart. But it is like solow and and there is a piece where the person that did this isn't available to be talked to or any
of that. So, like, you just need to know how huge and wonderful everything you're doing for your family, for yourself, everything, Like I know you know it probably, but like you don't see the ownership is everything.
For your people.
Sorry to hear that, Thank you for sharing that your life.
I'm like listening to you, and I'm like, God, what a different life it would have been. You know, someone like you was like my dad, which is awkward because you're younger than me, but you know, I know.
But but again, as I think it's so important that we talk about this, Yeah, I think that's a lot of it is, and there's but there's so many This isn't going anywhere, right, I mean, mental health and addiction has just been on a steady incline over the last twenty years, and I mean, what is it going to take for for a change, and a shift to happen.
And I think it's it starts with communication. It starts about having the conversation and being open like this because there's millions, not two thousands and not one hundreds, it's millions of people that are in your shoes, in my shoes and that are going through this today.
And so there's a million Ashleys, like.
Millions more, there's more because wherever's going like now.
I'm supposed to love you like you were an a pool of day ago.
You know, it's hard, but I think he's like this to bring that cause like alan On is a tremendous resource. But again it's it's it's it's a piece, it's a piece, but there's it's there's what Ashley and what we're trying to bring together for that is really another tool in the toolkit, right is if allan On works you phenomenal, we love it. That's what helped ask you tremendously. But she was looking at how can I even add to that?
And so again from cross talk and being able to have that insight, but even having a clinical oversight and actually having takeaways that are tangible from a professional.
So Catherine were going to say then well, I's going to say to you.
I mean, obviously we have a similar story as well. But I think for us, with our parents the generation, they didn't talk about it, they didn't communicate.
You know.
So I know that we also my mother's still alive and we have that issue, but the communication is not like this.
Well, and my grandfather was an alcoholic, so it was genetic and it was what she learned to live with. And you either marry one become one is the statistic that leads that. So her emotional bandwidth for it was it's so comfortable to her, which is crazy, but it's true because it's unhealthy.
But she saw it. Have you gotten in the.
Mends from your mom?
She would say yes, she would say yes, for sure, you know, but no, not really, not really.
What would you want or need say?
That's that's the that's the that's the part that's hard for me because I don't long for that like you do. My brothers do. I think I think that they've they've handled it very differently. I was kind of the one where I'm like, I just don't even want to like, I'll take it, I'll take your you know whatever apology and just like move over here. I just kind of compartmentalized it, put it over here. But I also don't know that she has the capacity to apologize in the
right way. Yeah, she doesn't have the tools that you know, she truly didn't and doesn't you know. And I think that it's a different generation. Very not that that's an excuse, but I do. I think people are doing the things that you're doing and paying attention and are getting honest and you know, and I don't think she's at that place. I don't think she's fully ever gotten honest with their So.
Yeah, we don't have a lot of ownership going on. So no, not really either.
But again not again, it's not an excuse, but it just feels so generational. I think we're just more open to it now, we're talking about it more now, people are.
More aware of it.
But not to switch gears. But I do have a question kind of in regards to that, like, since it is genetic, have you all had conversations about your own children and like what that can possibly look like in the future, because that's tough.
Yes, and so we are very aware of that. When we had conversations probably even a couple of years ago, around this and how we're going to navigate this and corporate the communication with our kids because you know, they got a fifty to fifty chance of having it having it, like I mean pretty severely. This based on my genetic makeup and the background and the history, and so we were already We're already starting the conversation with Delilah around
mental health. And again is what I like for every morning, Like we start at she's five years old, and so we wake up and we do a gratitude list. We do through things that she's grateful for and why, and I do that with her.
And I was thinking about that when you said that. I was like, I'm gonna do that with my kids.
I love that.
And so I mean, but we made it up, like we made it a cool process where she lights candles and it's kind of this experience where she looks forward to doing to you know, doing it, and when we don't do it, she's like, Dad, we didn't do our
gratitude lists. And so it's just starting to incorporate these little behaviors and then just even when she's really upset, getting on her level, getting you know, literally physically getting on my knees and just talking to her at her level and just understanding and kind of walking through these processes because you know, we had to just we had the shooting that just happened, and it was too close figuratively and literally, I mean it was it was twelve
minutes from our house and it was this same age as our kids. And to have to sit down and have that conversation with Delilah, you know that that you know, not only is there you know, trainings and or you know you're enough you know, for for tornadoes and for earthquakes and and things like that, but now there's you know, for we got to use the term like bad, bad people that can come on to campus and and that you know that can you know, for an active shooter
type of thing. And it's like how you how do you break that down? Again, Ashley was instrumental in that process and and and how we did that. But it's having that conversation, and I think what we're really trying to do is create a really safe place for them to come to to talk and communicate. And you know, because there's pretty fascinating statistics that are out there. I mean, if you're if you don't drink or use drugs or any mood altering substances by the age of twenty one,
even ninety percent chance of never struggling with addiction. And so.
My husband is that Preacher's kid never drank, really never did anything. Still has never done a drug in his life. He's forty eight.
Yeah, insane.
But I think just kind of looking at some of those things and just really trying to make and show and leveraging the knowledge that we have today, right because I also think that where there's a default from like the baby boomers and some of the older demographic because they really didn't even know how to process or share what was really going on. They weren't there, just weren't
equipped with it. And so I think we're in a different time now, but it's it's being present, and I think the best thing we can do is being there for our kids and to know that they can trust us, they have a safe place to come to, and that they have support.
Like literally, I can die happy knowing like that's what I've done with my kids, Like that is like that has been my goal since I could understand what the goal was. Yeah, it just matters. It is I'm not going to nail it. I'm not trying to be perfect, but just the breaking of the cycle. And it's not lost on me that my daughter and I were do a day apart ended up being two days apart. Like God is just really the hand and the poetic ability of all of that is just never lost on me.
So good.
The statistics that you were sharing with me too fascinated me with the binge drinking that's going on in our age right now, isn't it. Can you lay some of those stats out well?
Actually coming here, That's why we did the PSA. We actually did a public service announcement around this, but moving to Tennessee that the number one health crisis in the state of Tennessee has beinge drinking.
And so when we age our age like the right, isn't it like thirties, forties, fifties.
I'm not sure about that piece, But I think the thing that you're talking about is the leading cause of death in America for fifty old individuals and younger is substance abuse. So I mean, it's literally the leading cause of death. And so when you look at this, that's what I'm saying, it's not going anywhere. And I mean prior to I'll give you. You know what the craziest thing is is prior to COVID, somebody was overdosing at
the rate of of every eleven minutes. You know what it is today one every ninety seconds.
Mmm.
So do you think that's because of fetanyl too?
It's yeah, I mean that that adds to it. But it's it's again, is like I even asked the question and start the conversation. Is you know, we talk about how much fentanyl and how much opiates and how much you know, how many drugs are coming into the into the to the States. My question is is why is there such a high demand?
Mmm?
Like, Okay, it's one, yeah, we understand that, but why are so many people wanting to do it? Like why are they so disconnected?
Like it's a business.
Well no, but like why are some men wanting to do a state? Right?
I mean like you don't have you don't have a business. If you do, client, well that's.
My place exactly. But being in a very sober state, I mean not my younger self, but now it's like I would never want to partake in any of that stuff. I'd be you know, I mean if I ever had the thought of a beer sounds good or something like. Of course that thought comes and goes, and it's how I process. And that's and and again it's it's it's fleeting.
It comes and goes. But like just looking at what is out there today, and like you know, with with opiates and the it's just like I can't I can't imagine like if the landscape has changed, is what I'm getting at. I mean, it's you were younger. It wasn't like we're going to take something and we were going to die. Right.
Well, here's the here's the thing that so I've never I've never touched a drug because I've always been afraid that I'm gonna die. Right, But back then you wouldn't like it's unless you like overdosed, right, But like now I'm like to my kids, if you even try the small you could you will die, like most likely it's a freaking fentanyl. Like that's where I'm place with something. Yeah, that's why I'm like that piece. I'm like, just don't do it.
Yeah, it's it's crazy, you know, it's just really it's the world we live in is different today, and it's just that's why I'm saying, like it's just you look at like, what are why are there such a high demand for these types of things that are that are out there? It's really alarming.
Do I.
One of the things that you know, like you're saying right now, with everyone you know wanting to the drugs and stuff, I just wish there was an easier reach for people to be able to have therapy because I think that's an issue to a lot of people are like, well I can't afford it, and it's like, oh, like what therapy has done for all of us in this
room has been amazing. It's helped with so much. That's the piece where I'm like, why, I just wish there's something we can do And I know you do that right with what you're working on right now.
Yeah, And well, I mean that's I think the more that we can get behind that, we can get more people supporting that effort is important. Like that's the stuff that I'm doing and working with doctor Amen at the Change your Brain Foundation is we're trying to have it be more accessible for people to actually get scans of
their brains. And I think the thing that really that I love around this and it's even changing the narrative of how we look at mental health, right, and we've been treating mental health the same way we have for the last one hundred and fifty years. We've been clustering a bunch of symptoms and throwing medication at it, when in reality, we know the organ that's directly impacted, So why are we not focusing on it? And that's being
the brain. And through spect imaging where you can actually see the deficiencies through where people have less blood flow through their brain, you can actually see what may be causing or triggering different things. And so I think the more that we provide access and we can actually get to the core root cause of this, it's going to help us be able to treat further and further and
have better treatment plans for these types of things. But I think you know, from the stuff that we're doing at doctor Aman allowing people to actually get brain scans of what's going on within their brain to see what's going on, and then being able to set them up with appropriate therapists and psychiatrist to be able to come up with an effective treatment plan, I mean, we need to make that more readily available for people. It's it's it's it's it's it's time.
It's literally the only way that I've been able to do anything.
Yeah.
Yeah, Three things you're grateful for to end this on a happier note.
Oh my gosh, I'm grateful for my sobriety. I'm grateful for our relationship with God, and I'm grateful that I'm able to be present today.
Yeah. Well, Jason, we're so happy that you came on the show. Thank you for again doing what you do. And I'm proud to be your friend and I'm happy to, you know, to watch you do everything you're doing and join forces with you. So thanks for coming on the show.
Thank you guys for having me.
Thank you