Wind Down with Janet Kramer did I'm Heeart Radio podcast?
Hi girl, Hi BF, you look beautiful. By the way I tried, you look great. I just curled my hair red. I did not try, but I do have an update for you.
Oh good, tell me.
Hey.
The only reason I did try is for my I just have been feeling meh me, it's the it's I think it's the weather I have. I have an ambushing period problem. So I'm on my second one in like three weeks, and I think we may be perimenopausal. I'm gonna not jump to conclusions, but it's starting to feel that way. Well, ask our friend Nate, because I went and got blood work redrawn and I was like, in
my perimenopausal He's like, actually you're not. I'm gonna go again, Okay, because I have done the testosterone cream shots or whatever. But I honestly just needed to do something with myself today to just feel like a person for a minute.
And even that is not much.
But well, it's it's interesting that piece because when you just dry the hair and curl and put on makeup, it feels different, and it does. I think it does help. Like the only difference today is that I curled my hair. Literally it's C C cream everything. But I just put on beautiful another slashes look good. I mean, like you you know what I mean, like you think makeup the whole thing. I needed to do something.
But I feel that.
Because when I got back from the honeymoon, it was like that week of just like, didn't you know I didn't have my bag either, but in sweatshirts yea cozy, which you know I'm coat pretty cozy right now. But it's like, I mean Amazon special, I mean I'm an atcha. Actually I'm gonna need a link. And I don't say that too often, liken it today I do buy all the things you usually post, the like facial stuff. Love it, that face zapper thing, whatever that is, I really love it.
And I got I used your code. Thanks girl, just say the words face left and I'm adding the cart. But I think there is something to be said. And when I didn't have my bag, but drumroll please, I got.
My bag back, I knew you would. Is everything in it?
Yeah? I think so it's been so long I forgot No, I mean everything everything was in there. The bag's destroyed, which is a bummer because I just got the bag, but it's fine. But I got the bag back, so it's it's totally fine. But everything came back. So I was like, oh God, to curl my hair. And the first time that I actually curled my hair put makeup on,
it felt great. So there is something to be said, Yeah, when you are feeling that kind of low to just take a shower, brush your hair, put some little makeup ontes ago, I was in a hoodie and still hadn't put makeup on. Well, so I really wanted to get more presentable because I also feel the same way because it's gloomy outside and I've felt just kind of gross lately.
But I was we've had because I got the bag back, it's been like five million loads of laundry and just like the kids stuff, and there's just I mean, we have like this little island in our in our closet, and just it was getting stacked so high from stuff that I didn't put away before we left, right right, So then, like you know, count three weeks later, it's
like piling up. And Alan was gone at work, and so I thought it would be sweet to just completely clean the entire closet, put all of his stuff because he had his side too. That was like piling up and his bag that was still not unpacked.
So I cleaned it all up and hung it all up. Oh it feels good.
Yeah, and it's a lovely and I closed the doors left the lights on, so when he walks in, it's going to be like a Harry Bradshaw mom.
He doesn't know yet.
Oh, I kind of want to be there for it. I know that's awkward, but organization makes my will go around. And it matters to Preston a lot when I do his side of the closet. Oh does it? So I've never touched to Alan's side of the closet. It matters because now I'm like, but my fear is what if he doesn't say anything, and then I'm going to be like, well, put me in the megs and I'll make sure to say something for you. Okay, I'll show you when we're done.
But it looks really pretty with the lights on. I opened the windows. Oh, just to make it up fresh. That's my love wining o the windows. But yeah, it field looks great in there. No, it is interesting too. I think that right now I'm just in a little like we're we're talking in summer school is starting or trying to like, but we're I like to live life
a little proactive. You and I have talked about this a lot, so my OCD planning A type self does not like reactive worlds, and I live in a reactive world a lot of times, just because of Preston's career. So I even feel like getting dressed and like, but a clean closet helps you do that, like organized spaces help you feel like you don't You're not reactive, You're
not just last minute. Like even today it literally took me ten minutes, but I thought, oh, like look at me, look at me going to a podcast.
No one can see me.
But right it does feel you just feel more proactive. A clean yaset you can go in there at any point and know where your things are.
Well.
And to that fact too, I had a moment where, you know, getting back again, there was like like a real true depression coming back from the honeymoon, just because it was the most amazing time ever. And then you know, Alan went to Europe for five days and so we really didn't get to see each other, and then when we came back there was just been like just all the back to school stuff and for sports the kids are playing this fall, and so it's just kind of
like getting back into the groove of things. And when things are untidy, it gives me like I'm looking at my desk right now, I'm like, oh, I got I'll clean that up. But when things are untidy in my sacred spaces like my room and the closet, it starts to just feel a little claustrophobic and just a messy.
I just don't like it.
And so with some of the work stuff that I've been doing, I even texted Catherine yesterday and I was like, I'm I need to ask ask for an extension because I'm just my eyes are just it's weird, right. I need to get back into the groove of things, and I will, but I'm really tired. Now it's seven o'clock and I don't want to do this campaign at the moment. I won't do it a good job, and I'm tired, and and I just am like and tomorrow, I just want to clean my house. That is what I want
to do. It's just the best and I feel great now. I'm like, Okay, I'm ready. Yeah, Like we're trying. We are full tilt Leo season, right, So there's two birthdays coming up. It's a big one for Preston. I'm not sure how public he'd like to be about the facts he's about to be fifty. But I just said it, are we doing anything. I don't know when we can. He's never home, Like I was going to fly the
kids to California. He's in California for like five days, okay, but it comes back on a Sunday or Monday, Tuesday maybe, so I just have to I mean, I'm just trying to go one leota time. I mean, I just sent you an invite this morning for an impromptu party Sunday. I was decorating the the closet or I was clean the closet, so I haven't actually read it yet. It's just hours and it's all bro time and it's yes, well you can stay longer.
We'll do a cool time. But I just.
Legend six birthday dude camp. I'm just trying to back it from Mayhem plus at the Adventures Neighborhood pooled fo.
Yeah, we're just doing like a fun hear get friend.
Zero nutritional snacks plus way too much sugar. Per the birthday, boy, please bring a towel, wear a swimsuit. No gifts please, no gifts please, two hundred dollars lego set, I know you do.
Well, that's actually only on your invite. No, it was kiddy.
Yeah, I'm just piecing it together, but I do or just in the season.
It's wild.
I don't know what to do, but I think we have to do something. So he's not he travels, he gets home we usually like on a Sunday.
What sucks is that he's.
Out with Kane Brown and he's got two really cool shows and I wish I could get to one.
Well, why can't you?
We have school co op school starts we do like our orientation. We have our half day, then we have our full day, and our first full day of school happens to be on like on Preston's fiftieth birthday. So and I've never when have you ever followed the grain? Though I have, but I love it and and I mean that in a bad way. No, No, No, I know. What I love, though, is for them to get and I'm learning a lot about my son. More recently, we've started play therapy like a therapist legend I have a
lot in common. We do love a little structure, and so I try to set at least the beginning of school season tone by getting in like a rhythm of things.
How many days as his school? Just two?
Should we do more or no? I thought about doing five? Actually at the school behind our house. We have a really beautiful public school. That's where our one friend found with her son kind of the same thing he needed the five days. The two days wasn't enough for his energy and social like loves people, Yes, like love. This is a perfect fit for love. Sure, we are going to try and see where we get. The one thing that I don't like is because it's a perfect fit
for love. I don't love them having two completely different experiences in that that creates something too. Then she's getting more time with me, which we're learning my one on one time with him is really sacred to him. Would you ever do both of them in public private five days a week school?
Probably not.
I mean I do sometimes try it on in my brain because could you imagine the productivity I would have?
Whats I'm saying?
So?
And this is this is a friend being because you're like, I don't have time time and have a time. Well yeah, but right, but you can if you want. But you're and I trust that we have beautiful, wonderful charts over there. I mean, it's always just been for a lifestyle. It's so easy. But then you opened the door when you told me that I can have more days off in public school than I thought.
Mmmmmm m.
Yeah, I just say, your dreams. I understand. Listen, you're going to do what you want to do, and I like, whatever works for the mama, But you are the mom that wants to also have has dreams and wants to but when you don't have the time to fulfill those dreams. And I understand the kids are young and this is the only time you know their their childhood grow it goes by so fast. Having said all that, I understand that, and you are still very present, but you still have
your dreams. And maybe in two days a week, eight thirty to two thirty is not enough time for a mom because I also have a one year old. Yeah, so I don't, but again, do you know what works for you? Guys, But if you want more time, it might be a good option.
Maybe.
But we're gonna talk a little one Tree Hill because our girl Daphne Zuniga is in the waiting room, so it's take a break and then get her on. Did you watch One Tree Hill, Kristin no zero?
Yeah, I actually have never known where did I know that? I don't.
I don't know. I mean, I've ever been like about it, but I've never So you have no idea my character. Anly thing i've seen is you playing on stage. I think did you sing a song on the show?
You did? Yeah? Yeah, it's one that people go crazy on. Hi, you've never seen it?
Hi, daf Hi, God, honey, Hi, we're chatting all things. I just found out that my bff Christen over here has never watched One Tree Hill. She has no idea who Alex Dubray is. She has no idea about Sophia Bush's Daphne played so Fiabiitha's mom.
Yeah, Brooks mom. Listen to my defense.
So I'm forty two, and I do think I just missed the One Tree Hill window Like I have a twenty six year old like family assistant slash guru and she knows a One Tree Hill.
Yeah, I think I just missed it.
All right, we'll let you slide.
Yeah, I mean, listen I'm not opposed to binging you guys, but now I feel like it's awkward. Well, I mean, listen, my husband did never even watch the show up until about a week ago because I had to, you know, we might be chatting on a different podcast and I had to maybe watch another episode. So you know, it was one of those where he was like, oh my goodness watching back, and then it was like so fun to watch back, have you because I never watched the show either.
Yeah, no, I've been seeing it Jana, because this is my second time on Drama Queens their podcast, and they want you to watch the one that they're discussing. And so, first of all, it's not awkward at all. I've been with my husband now for seventeen years. He still doesn't even see some of the movies I've done. He doesn't he doesn't know anything about what I do. So it's not awkward.
And sometimes that's like I don't mind it, you know, I'm like, I know that, you know, my husband loves me for me and doesn't care. He's supported. But yes, and so is my best friend. Yeah, if Catherine was here, she she was obsessed with the show. That's why we became friends. She stalked me and I'm kidding. Now that's awkward at me.
You know. Well let me tell you something though, Janna. I just wanted just to let your bff in on something Janna was and I just learn well relearned this the other day when I watched Scared uh seven oh one, which was so the seventh season, it ran for nine, and it was the fashion show one, and you were high hilarious. I mean, it's so different when you're on the set and you're doing it and you're learning your
own lines and your own storyline. So I didn't get to see all that was going on around my part, you know, Victoria, because I had seen here and a scene there. Anyway, you were so funny, Janna. Do you remember doing that episode with like you like, put this girl out, give her some you know, drugs, this model, and then you're like painting a mustache on her and then you're like, oh, it was hilarious and we had a great interaction.
I loved our stuff together too. Yeah, because you're just like you're you're you're dry, you're witty, you're and you're just you're beautiful. So there's that too, But like you were you were just a very strong, powerful, beautiful character, and I yeah, I always loved being in scenes with you too.
Well, you know, she was very she was also a very very difficult woman. So in this episode, which you you should watch again, you're so funny.
I'll watch it wann o one And.
Uh, I mean, she's really the story. You're like the engine of the whole story of this wonderful fashion show that we did. And it's a very poignant story as well, which you're a big part of that too, uh Jana, Alex Dupray. Anyway, we have this moment where we kind of wone up each other with insulting each other. Uh So Alex Duprey would say, like, oh, you called me I don't know, jeriatric or old or something. I'm sorry, And I say, oh, oh, I hear you used to
make movies, so I insult you. You insult me.
And then we come oh gosh, I don't remember that.
I mean, I'm gonna have to.
Watch it, and now we're never letting Alan watch it.
Do you do you still keep in touch with I know, like I've seen you at the one of the conventions and stuff, but like, do you personally keep in touch with any of the castmates.
You know, I did, for I'm on a text chain with a few of them on those three, Hillary, Sofa and Joy. But you know, Joy left town. I used to see her once in a while, especially when her child was younger. I used to see so now it's more every now and then if there's a question or something we want to, like just I want to touch space, we do, But I feel like everyone's so spread out now.
I mean Rob Buckley was on it, and he was on the podcast the other day, and he's in another state and so we're all kind of you know, life goes on as you know, you're so busy and everything. So it's nice that I feel like if I ever needed to or I just kind of feel like it's a part of my past that's still I'm still connected to and away and there's just lots of like mutual love and respect. But we don't talk every day, which.
Is who do Yeah? No, I get that.
And it's like if you needed someone like, you know that they're gonna you know, be there to either be help with you know, supporting things. But who did you click with the most onset.
Well, it was soph and Joy were because I had most of my scenes with them. Obviously, Sophia Bush played Brooke, my daughter, and and so we got close. Uh. And then Joy as well. I had stuff with Haley, but also we just we were we just hung out. I don't know, it was nice. So those are the two that I can think of. And then obviously there was people behind the scenes. Carol Catch All our wardrobe. I hung out with her, and she was more she was
closer to my age. I mean, I'm like a lot older than you guys, So it was I got to like step in and hang out with you guys and get sushi, go to the beach and stuff. But I would feel like I was like all these I felt young again. You guys helped me feel young again.
But I mean coming from the Melrose Place set, I mean, was that was it kind of nice to be the older because you know, when there was young, there was stuff that's happening on set because we were all young, and there was already clicks formed, and you know, coming there was people didn't like this person or that person, like this person, and so it was it kind of nice for you to come in as a veteran and be like I don't need to step into any of this
drama and I can just do my thing, get my paycheck, be kind, whatever, because I've already lived kind of that piece on Melrose Yes.
Yes, it was very much that. I mean, you know, I started working in eighty three and I was nineteen, and so I had all the eighties to go through. You know, you're learning on the fly, you're learning on the job, you're experiencing this business while you're a young child. So I went through that then, and then the nineties when I did Melrose Place. I started that in ninety two and so but it was more of the same,
exactly what you're saying. And so when I stepped on Montree Hill, yes, I was like, none of it is affecting me the way it affected those guys, for sure.
And then I wanted to reassure or be there or offer comfort or advice or my opinion on things, having been through twenty thirty years in the business, so I just definitely wanted to encourage and remind people when needed or when asked, like life is long and it's all learning, and you're amazing and the fact that you're here and you know is a real feat and you don't have to be perfect, and we're still going. We're still human beings, we're still learning as we go at every stage of
our life. But I feel like when you're on a TV show, especially at a certain age, there is a pressure to think that you need to be perfect or sort of superhuman in a way, which is impossible. So I kind of I felt for people, and so I felt it's a great actually combo to feel young again but more experienced and wise from your years of living and learning. It's a really cool combo. Actually, for sure.
That's kind of how I feel like if I was to get on a set where I was the older because again, I was in my twenties when I came on a set that already had formed certain clicks and we don't like this person, don't talk to this person. So it was like and I felt the pressure to be like, oh, look, I got to go on this team because if I don't want this team, then this,
you know. So it's like but now I'm just like I'm excited to be the older person one day on the set and just be like oh yeah, you know, and like I'm just like just because it's just you realize that it's not the end all be all, you know, and at the time that was like your life and it's like, no, my life now is being a mom and you know, and just showing up doing my work and supporting and doing what I love and not getting into like the drama of things.
Yeah, because when you're that young, that is your family. You know, you're twelve hours of set, five days a week. It's a little bit less if it's an ensemble like One Tree Hill and Melrose Place back in the nineties, Like you're not on in every scene, right, Like if you were doing a two person drama, those are really hard, but you see these people and you're in the dynamics of that environment more than the rest of your life. Actually, that's I mean, that's how I have always felt, you know.
So, yes, how did you stay out of the drama back in the twenties in on the melrose Place sets? Because I feel like that's got to be kind of wild?
That was wild and I didn't stay out of the drama.
I tell us really hard, you did watch Melrose Place, I won't want it? And I actually looked back at the dates of that and I'm like, I don't think I had any business at my age watching Melrose Place, but I did love it.
Yeah, I was when you set out your age, I was like, hmm, I wonder if she saw Melris's Place. But you must have been like.
Too young to be watching, like teenager.
Yeah, but TV back then also was even when it was racy or wild or crazy, it wasn't pushing envelopes like it is now.
Yes, that's easy, you know.
Can we go back to the drama, So what did you experience?
How was it?
How did you Well? First of all, everyone thought that because on the storylines we're all betraying each other and you know, like befriending each other and then like just as fast betraying each other and stealing each other's jobs and boyfriends and you know, pushing each other in the pool or whatever all that drama on set, they thought that it must have been like that behind the scene, for the most part, it wasn't. It wasn't like that.
But people, you know, there were, in fact in the podcast that we're doing now, I'll just bring that up right now, we're talking about it still the place. So Courtney Thorne Smith who played Alison, and Laura Layton, who plays Sydney and myself. I played a character called Joe.
Uh.
We're doing this new podcast and we're discovering because we're about a month in just from our stories and our memories, and we've had a couple of the cast guys, the guys on as guests, and everyone's having these memories and like do you remember when all the stuff and so jog's all of our memories. So there was drama. Uh. But it also was the nineties and we were all so young, so it wasn't just on the set. Like I had my own life going on off the set,
and that was interesting. But it's what you're talking about, Jenna. When you were on you're of the age where you cannot shut out the stuff on the set, and you're of that age where you're trying to find, especially on us ensemble, I felt like I was trying to find We're all were trying to find our place, you know, when there were these pressures from outside, like our show got really popular, especially when how the Lochleyer came on and we were on all the magazines and you know,
traveling and all of this stuff. All of this, so there was a lot coming at you as a young actor, you know, So there was just you know, stuff going on there and just a lot for the head. We just had Andrew Shu who played Billy on and he was talking to Courtney, who's one of the co hosts with us. So they met on the pilot and then they fell in love in real life and I'm like, well, how long did that take? You know, how when did
you start dating? And she's like, I think episode three And I'm like, wow, y'all moved fast a but I guess you do when you're young. And so they started dating in real life. This is all on the podcast, so I'm not saying anything out of school or private, but in fact, they started talking a lot about it, and then the characters then they broke up in real life, and then the characters kept dating. So I was like, well,
was that weird? Because that takes good acting, I would think, or at least I'm mature ending to a relationship, because can you imagine like Noah picking up and then having to go And how.
Old are we talking?
When you say like you're young on Melrose Place, Like how old is everyone? Because I'm like thinking back to even like younger thirties and I was a disaster, A sweet disaster. I can't imagine throwing in the cameras, the drama, the producers, this epic, crazy popular show.
Okay, I was thirty. I turned thirty when I started, and then the others were younger, they were in their twenties.
Wow.
So yeah, that's so.
The girls that you're doing still the place with. Were you guys actually friends on the.
Show in real life? Yes?
In real life?
Yes? Yes?
So okay, yeah, yeah.
But we've stayed friends because we've had like reunions, you know, because we've been around so long, Like they had a Melrose thirtieth reunion, we did Good Morning America. We've done different reunions, and so we have each other's we're all on a you know, emails and texts and so we
have we'll get lunch once in a while. So we've stayed and actually gotten to know each other more than we did back then, because again, you're working all the time, you don't necessarily have a right ton of time to get to know each other off.
Wait, dath, since you brought up them dating, did you I know you've been married for a long time. Any of amazing husband, he's so supportive.
It's such a potster.
I know it's empany, but did you ever date any of your co stars or did you always kind of stay out of that well?
I so okay, So at an Hour and Talk and Dagny, that is the look we've been waiting for. It took a while. Yeah, I hung out with I spent some with what's a couple guys. Uh. But the funny the like I said off screen, So when I started the show, I had a boyfriend, and I remember we must have been just at the end of our like a two year relationship.
Uh.
We lived together because I brought him to like I don't know, a dinner or it's like an you know, a celebration to start it or something. And then it wasn't too long after I brought my next boys into it, and I just remember Thomas who played my and his wife come up. They kind of like warner me. They're like, is this this is a different guy than you brought like last week? Right. I'm like, oh yeah, that ended. They're like so he's like, oh yeah, this is new,
but yeah, no we're together now. And I think that one lasted a year and a half too, So I was kind of what you call the serial monogamous through all of the nineties and probably the yeah, a little bit in the eighties, but it was kind of like that, like it was just a series series of boyfriends. So I'm not going to name names. You have that look in you, like, oh, I know she won't know.
That's that's one thing I love about you, though. You are a private and I'm I'm always like, tell me more. Yeah, She's like, let's not record, but daphing you. So you started young, right, you started at nineteen into acting, which is really young. I mean, honestly, I can't even imagine. Did you know pretty much your whole life that's what you were going to do? Like, did you know? Did you kind of fall into it? Was it like this is the dream for me? I can't imagine. Was it
high school? Middle school? Did you do theater? Like?
Tell me, how did you know you're calling? Early on?
So I knew my calling before I knew it was a calling, and I did my first play at it was in seventh grade. And before that I was doing skits for like the neighborhood and the apartment building that we lived in, and just you know, I'd range my girlfriends to have rehearsals because I knew what that was like after school and you know, put together skits. I just was always in me to pretend and be imagined, you know, make things up and do it for other people.
And then when I started my first thing in junior high, I just never stopped. I went to a lot of different schools and one of the schools I went to I was in tenth grade and they didn't even have a theater department. If you can imagine that. We moved from the Bay Area to New England, this tiny little school in Woodstock, and I said, you guys have to have a theater department. They're like, oh, no, we play sports here. We don't, you know, cause it's like New England.
They do a lot of sports. I'm like, I don't know how to do field hockey, but we have to have So I went to my English teacher and told them, and they started. They brought in a theater teacher. We started a theater department. So then I started doing plays there. It was just something I always knew. Then I did Summer Stock after I graduated high school in New England, and then I came to UCLA to do to major in theater, and I knew I wanted to be in
New York or LA. And my mom took me down to New York City to check out NYU, and a guy flashed me on the West Side Highway driving. I was in the passenger seat and my mom was driving, and there's.
Like a full frontal well on.
I don't know how he was driving. And I'm seventeen.
What yes, I mean Logistically, it's mind boggling.
I mean, I mean, honest auto cruisers something. I don't want to stick shift. There's a lot of ways we can go here, but we're not going to.
So we're not. I'm going to, but I'm telling you, you know, life has its own way of guiding you in some direction or another. And I said to my mother, I'm not going here. I freaked out, you know, and said, I don't care whatever happens in this audition for NYU. I'm not going here. I'm not living here. So I
chose to go out to UCLA. And when I was in the housing department, I had just arrived for orientation and I was in the housing office, which is this hallway and a bulletin board with all of these index cards of where to live, and people would just say, you know, I found an apartment, do you want to live here? Because I didn't get into the dorms. I wasn't that organized, neither were my parents, so I didn't know where to live. So this is again going to
how life gives you steps to take. And I'm standing there with my dad looking at this big housing board figuring out where to live. And this guy comes up to me and says, are you looking for a place to live? And again, I'm seventeen. It's our first couple of days there, and I said yeah, and he goes, oh, I found an apartment, a two bedroom apartment. Maybe you could find a roommate and I could get a roommate, and we could. It's a block off campus. And I looked to my dad and I said what should I do?
And he's like, oh, So I said sure, Okay. I mean at least he was standing there in front of me as opposed to all of these just blank these cards and phone numbers.
Right.
That turns out to be Darren Starr, who went on to create Melrose Place. So I lived with Darren for a year in this little dinky apartment off of campus on Landfair. And then it was years later. You know, I got my I did eight years of movies. And then Darren calls me because we had stayed friends, and he said, you know, I'm introducing this new character to the show I'm doing, which I had never watched. But it was this perfect time in my career. I was
hating waiting in between movies of downtime. I hated downtime. All I wanted to do was be on set or on a play, just acting. And so he said, would you consider coming on? And I said absolutely? Do I get to act every day?
Yes, that's so cool, that's incredible. I never knew that.
And of all the roles you played, and you've had a really extensive career, I mean, to stay to even get the chance to go into the industry that y'all have been in is really statistically not sustainable, and then to get in into sustain as long as you both have I mean, you and Jana both have collected rules, and you've had a really great career. Who is the character you think is most like you of all the characters you've played or did they all kind of have a piece of you? Are you a piece of them.
You know what's really cool is actually, again I love how life kind of like art and life will feed you. So I've gotten parts at a time when I wanted to use that part to learn more about myself. Like I would get a part that maybe was more sexy or sensual, or a part that was more confident, or a part that was more and I was safe to do it because it was someone else's lines, this character's
own psyche, her problems. I could do it sort of behind but through that character, and that has happened over and over, and you know, as a result, I just feel like, this is what it's like to be Victoria. The part on Montree Hill, I mean, she was so angry and so mean to her own daughter. And I don't have children, but I found it really hard to embrace this woman in the beginning that was so mean.
In fact, my first day of shooting, they were like, the director was like, can you let's just do it again, go more, be meaner, like say this line and just get her so and then I found a way. You know, you access a part of you, another part of you that you're not used to in your daily life, that has no issues asserting herself is kind of like doesn't care how anyone reacts, and I just would have to back up and like give that part Victoria justification for that.
So for five years on Montree Hill. It's not that I was like that all the time, but I accessed a part of me that I'm not in my real life comfortable. So she grew me. She grewed me. I don't have to be there, but I now know what it's like for a woman, you know, who acts that way, who's worked her whole life, maybe had children instead of a career, you know, whatever it was that I came up with for her reasoning, I've done the same the same thing on Marmor's place that I did for all
those years. It was like she was very confident and not going and you know which I wasn't so much, especially in relationships, and you know, I was more like I would get into these relationships to learn, I think. But also I kind of like would put onto these men like, oh they know everything. I'll just slip into here and into his life and he'll do everything. And I mean that's not a mistake. What is right? We all know? So anyway, sure guilty.
Is charged, Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, speaking of the of men though, I mean I remember because you've been with David for how long seventeen years? Because I just remember you were dating for a long time and even being on the SAT while I'm on my third husband. I'm like, why are you getting.
Married to me?
You should trobly get married.
And you know, you wrote an article and Glamour basically saying that you know you were waiting until later, And I'm curious, was that a career driven thing? Was that just a personal decision?
Like where?
Like why why did you wait that many years? Like just kind of curious abound that.
Sure it was. It wasn't planned. I knew that whenever I was in a relationship, I would just kind of get diverted and like my attention go into the relationship, and which shil should I mean, you have to give to a relationship and nurture it. And so every time I did that, it just felt not me and and then I would be as I said before, I also wrote an article years ago for Oprah magazine about how I would just be a chameleon and kind of want
to get into the man who his personality is. You know, I was dating one guy who played polo and went to Yale and you know, wore Armani suits, and so I got rid of all my hippie stuff and got my own Harmani suit and my own and I would go to the symphony with him and my next guy after that, like I met on a Harley ride and so like I started got my own Harley, and I you know, I got rid of all those Armani stuff and I got like grunge stuff. This in the nineties,
so there was like that grunge period. So I just would do this with every guy, and I just took me a long time to go. And when I finally met David, I was in my forties. My life was going fine. It was just great. I didn't the next person, or if I was going to be with someone, would have to like add add to my life, because when you're in your forties and you have you know, a career and your girlfriends, you know, you get that emotional you don't really I didn't know where he was going
to fit he would have to add. And I met David and I knew right away, Wow, this is a real man, Like this guy is a He's a grounding wire for me. And he didn't know anything about the business, and in fact, he was across the country and had been divorced for quite a while, four years at least, and he had still a son at home in Connecticut.
So I was like, how's this going to work? But it worked because we both kind of were at that age where we didn't need each other to exist and to kind of we just amplified each other and it was like a quality thing. I don't know how else to explain it. I was ready because I knew myself quite a bit more and it's just been really great because we started late, and then we were together for twelve years. And then why didn't I get married? Because I think I had a fear. I definitely had a
fear of commitment. But then finally, I think my sister was saying something to me, aunt to David, and then and I realized, you know, he's very traditional and he had been married for almost twenty years and had a family, and I realized, you know what, I realized It was the one that it was like the adventure that I hadn't done yet. My brain was like, my brain was like, oh, no, my wing, He's going to clip my wings. I'm going
to have to conform and there goes all my adventure. No. In fact, I said to him once when I had a moment, you know those you have these moments, I was overwhelmed with like fear, and I said, if you think you're you're gonna clip my wings and I'm going to move to the suburbs of Connecticut, you have another thing coming. And he said to me, I don't want to clip your wings. Here are my car keys. Go do what you need to do and leave the car this station. And he told me where to leave it.
And I was just like, I believe him. He just offered me. He just said, you know, well he's turned out to like brush up my wings and support me when I wasn't even believing in myself. So it really has been an adventure. You know, I'd done the Central Pei this guy and that impossible one and this and that and the other thing, and I've done it and I realize, oh, the commitment is the one area that it's going to be an adventure. And it has been, and it's been, it's increasing.
It's so beautiful. That's such a good I mean, that just gave me chills thinking about that. Too. It's like even something we were just kind of going through. I was talking with the girls about something that you know, it's like kind of freaking me out a little bit. And it's like we look at it as something that's going to bring us down or that's going to be you know, yes, it'll be hard, but it's like you look at it, it's like, no, this is an adventure.
This is something that is going to make you a better person. It's going to make you strong, or it's going to make you you know, And it's like that's just so great. I love that mindset of looking at it like that.
Yeah.
I remember meeting my husband.
He's in music and he travels a ton, like he's gone a lot of nights, like minimum one fifty two hundred nights a year. And I remember this is my second marriage, first marriage going like you know, I we were together all the time, you know, it's just very like nine to five all the things, and I didn't know how I would do in this, but I knew he was the person. I just didn't know how I would be in that. And I'm so wildly obsessed with my own time now and it's grown, it grows a
different level of trust. Even when you were saying that you guys were essentially by coastal. I mean that you have no choice but to trust. When you're away from someone, it forces you into it. And if you can't trust, then you don't exist or make it. So I think that's really beautiful that the first four years you got that time to like learn each other differently.
Yeah, and you know, trust was huge. It was such a huge thing I had to learn for years. And someone told me so many years ago, incredibly wise woman Gabrielle Roth, said. I said, how do I learn to trust men? And she said, you don't. You learn to trust yourself. Trust yourself. You can't control other people. So and then I also learned because I was in therapy most of this whole time, and I learned I can
ask for what I need. So let's say you're he's a part, and you're like, and you're your wounds start having away with you.
This is're ruminating. We call it common iral spiral ruminating reactive.
There we go, yep, because you know that's what our brains do. They need to have activity. So well, that's not reality, that's that's me, that's in that perspective, So what do I need? It has to I would say to him, David long distance, I said, once, you know, if you're going to court me, you need to send me flowers. And because I hadn't heard from him, he's not good on text, he hated the phone and he said,
it would be my honor to send you flowers. And I got flowers from the most beautiful florist in Beverly Hills like that afternoon. And sometimes I just need to be asked. And the other thing I've learned is to not come with my anger, figure out what it is, and then force myself to come with the vulnerability. And
that's what he can hear. So if I see to him, it makes me feel you know, I get insecure or you know when you're not calling me or now I have failed over and over at that because I definitely have had a very kind of like tough girl thing to protect that part of me. But but David isn't amazing man, and he stuck through that time to to uh so that now I feel more safe to come with the vulnerability. And I think that that actually is enhanced since we got married.
Love that that's fantastic.
Yeah, always ask for what you need, and then like, if you're feeling insecure, is your best friend? You can't say to your best friend, I hate to bother you and I can't believe I'm this age and I'm still feeling this. Can you just give me a hug? Or can you just call me once a day or just for just a lot of times you realize once you express it and your need is met and they do their best to you know, because they'd want to take care of you, then that fear you realize it was just in your head from.
An old time, old wounds, old wound zone times.
Yeah, it's hard to be honest with someone else when you can't be honest with yourself, though, So I think it's like really worth noting that you had to do a lot to get there, to even be able to say what you need. I mean, that's really a lot of beautiful work exactly instill the place. So it says we'll relive every hook up, every scandal, every backstep, blackmail explosion, every week removal together, secrets are revealed as so you
guys are rewatching. I'm curious because Lisa Rena played Taylor. She's on the Roorehousewives? Do you watch the Housewives? Are you gonna have her on? Do you still keep in touch with her? Like?
Who else are you are you wanting to have come on the show?
I don't keep in touch with her. I did watch The Housewives, yep, and she comes on later. So we just started and we're dealing. We're just having on the people who were on in the beginning, so got it. And I haven't even appeared. I come in in episode fifteen and we're like at eight, so really, and Laura Lighton, who played Sydney, comes on a little after me. So we're having two of the guys. We're gonna have Josie Bassett on. We're gonna have of course as they come on,
you know, Heather, all the original characters. So when we get to thoselater season, absolutely we want to have everyone on. It's so fun when you have, yeah, people on because you just have that much more, that many more stories.
Is there there's a reboot? Is it happening?
You've been developing it for a few years and it's in the works. There are people with higher pay grade figuring out above us. But yeah, Laura and I have been producing that and putting that together for quite a while and that's kind of all I can say. But it's definitely some things in the works.
Well, if you need a forty year old mom on the show.
To cause some drama, yeah right, you're hearring, I.
Know, because you know that. The other thing with doing a show like that, there was so much drama in the script, like you would get the script every week and just be like, what I'm doing? What did you read? And it got that kind of out of your system, do you know what I mean? Like right, kind of exhausted after doing it on h on screen. But yes, definitely need a troublemaker. I am sure.
Well, daff thank you so much for coming the show everyone listened to still the Place on iHeart or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Yeah, Daphnie, you're the best. Thank you so much. Nice to see you too, to see you, nice to meet you. Hopefully I'll see you on one of the next cons or a movie we'll do eventually. We'll eventually do the movie together.
I would love to.
We'll figure it out. Okay, all right, love talk to you soon. Bye, all right, bye guy. Her perspective, I know, I love her. She was she was so nice every time I, you know, worked there. But I don't remember that one scene she was talking about someone have to go rewatch that. But I just love her and she's she was always so so great. I'll be googling. No, you won't, but I will.
Oh, I will.
Okay, got thirty minutes till the boy wakes up, so I'm gonna speedate yourself.
Yep, I know that I'm gonna go.
Okay, so I have not gotten I saw Alan pop his little engine. You've gotten No, I've gotten no text about the closets, so we should go down and see if he's opened it. I don't need to be involved. I just love in surprises make me. Those are two of my favorite things. I was thinking i'd get like a babe of the closet, but maybe maybe I say something when we come down.
Yeah, stand by. We'll let you know what happens next week. Stay tuned, all right, Bye guys,